Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Phrases such as "We just need to move forward," "The past is the past, get over it," "Stop bringing up the past" may have a time and place, but not in your relationship post-addiction or after betrayal of any kind. Emotions buried alive never die. While it may be difficult to discuss the past, it's important to discuss it for accountability and to set the stage for healing in the future. When you say "We're not bringing up the past" you're effectively saying ...
Apr 10, 2024•1 hr 5 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In general, we don't like to be angry. It's uncomfortable and then we're faced with the proposition of confronting someone that has upset us which brings about an entirely new challenge. When it comes to anger with someone in active addiction, it's often futile to address concerns in a constructive way. So then what can you do with the anger? We propose repurposing it into something useful. It you're going to be angry, you might as well do something with it. ...
Apr 03, 2024•1 hr 4 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this episode we discuss some of the lessons we've learned in 4,000 days of sobriety. We discuss pain management, and our partnership with Aleve in their new awareness campaign called "The Painful Truth." Our story is as much about healthy and safe pain management as it is addiction recovery and we discuss what pain management looks like today. We get personal and talk about the beauty of a recovered life and our family weekend where every aspect of the les...
Mar 27, 2024•1 hr 16 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Being labeled a "Villain" is hurtful when you're just trying to protect yourself and your family. In this episode we delve into the complexities of being labeled the "villain" in someone else's story. Paige candidly shares her journey of grappling with self-esteem issues while navigating the role of the villain and the necessity of setting boundaries to protect herself. We explore the challenges of embracing this role for personal growth. We once again tackle...
Mar 20, 2024•1 hr 9 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this episode we cover a particular type of grief common when loving an addicted person called ambiguous loss. Ambiguous loss is a profound sense of loss and sadness that does not stem from the death of a loved one. It may arise from a lack of emotional connection despite someone's physical presence, or conversely, the persistence of emotional ties in the absence of physical closeness. This type of loss leads individuals on a quest for answers, complicating...
Mar 13, 2024•1 hr 15 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Is the drinking really as bad as I feel it? Is this a serious problem or am I making something out of nothing? Did I sign up for this? Do I need to just suck it up? Am I overthinking or is my gut trying to tell me something? Addiction never feels like you think it would...chances are if you're asking yourself questions such as this, you're in it. We answer questions from our community in this episode and distill complex problems into clear, simple answers. Su...
Mar 06, 2024•1 hr 5 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Overthinking can plague your mind with many scenarios, many of which are negative and lead to tumultuous thoughts and anxiety. It's more common today than it has ever been and it's not just unique to spouses and partners of alcoholics and addicts. Paige has recovered from anxiety disorder and is a self-professed recovered overthinker. We discuss the traps of overthinking and suggest some ways to break the habit that will lead to a more positive and realistic ...
Feb 28, 2024•1 hr 6 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! The state of denial never feels like you think it would feel...Most people believe they can intuitively recognize when they're in a bad situation but that's rarely the case. Denial can be a comfortable place to be, but it will suffocate you over time. We discuss 10 truth bombs about denial and our hope is that from this episode you'll be able to distill the true from the false and gain clarity on the facts of your life and relationship. Support the show Find ...
Feb 21, 2024•1 hr 3 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Infidelity was not part of our story, but we get questions about it weekly. Does the cloud of substance abuse excuse infidelity? Was it really them making the decision to cheat? How do I know if them saying it's not their fault is true? How do you rebuild a relationship after infidelity? We answer these questions and more in our discussion on infidelity from listeners and we hope you glean some much needed answers from it. Support the show Find video clips an...
Feb 14, 2024•45 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! We took questions from the community and extracted the most commonly asked questions about emotional and physical intimacy. We've never openly talked about our sex life or thoughts on it, but we get open and discuss all things intimate in this episode. We talk about how to rebuild intimacy, why men view sex differently, why sex drive plummets for people in early recovery, and talk about how addiction affects this crucial aspect of relationships. Support the s...
Feb 07, 2024•1 hr 18 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! If it were as simple as saying "Just love yourself" then wouldn't everybody have a high self-esteem? The work that takes place within a spouse or partner to rebuild after addiction is something we've talked about for a while, but never like this. Paige opens up in a way she never has before with details on the journey of rebuilding her self-esteem, loving and trusting herself again, and the role validation played in her recovery. Support the show Find video c...
Jan 31, 2024•1 hr 20 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Books like "Codependent No More" and programs like CODA or Alanon offer a lot of helpful insight on the topic of codependency. Codependency is a dysfunctional relationship pattern where one person's self-worth and identity become excessively reliant on the approval and needs of another person. Codependency does explain some of the behaviors that take place in an addicted relationship, but the story is a bit more complex than this. The "Lost" feelings that man...
Jan 24, 2024•54 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Being a parent is HARD. The emotional labor and mental weight of decisions rests heavy on healthy couples in equitable relationships. Factor in addiction, and you often have all of the responsibilities of parenting amplified exponentially onto one parent...on top of the weight and uncertainty of being in a relationship with a substance abuser. We discuss the mental load of motherhood and Celeste Yvonne's book, "It's Not About the Wine" to gain an understandin...
Jan 17, 2024•50 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Self-care...oh my. We hear so much about self-care. There are industries devoted to it, so many opinions and options, and the reality is that very few of them apply to people in survival mode. Self-care IS necessary for your wellbeing and recovery, but many of the diets, exercise regimens, morning routines, etc are frankly too much for someone that is struggling to get out of bed. In this episode we discuss what GENTLE self-care looks like as we graduate to h...
Jan 10, 2024•50 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! With a new year comes reflection of the past. We consider what worked, what didn't and what needs to change moving forward into the new year. This episode is designed to be worked with a worksheet that you can find on our website in the blog section, and we strongly encourage you to follow along with us. We review our lives in 2023 and discuss successes, failures, what we wanted to get done that never came to fruition, and what we aim to change in the next ye...
Jan 03, 2024•1 hr 2 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! If I'm doing what's best for me, why do I feel guilty? Even when we do what we know is best for us and our families, we have feelings of intense guilt in leaving a toxic relationship or even setting boundaries in one. We discuss natural (healthy) guilt versus manufactured guilt (unhealthy) and why this happens. We discuss our own personal experiences in dealing with these emotions and provide some clarity to know when you should reconsider the guilt you feel....
Dec 27, 2023•52 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! We take listener questions from our community and inbox from time to time and we're going to answer a great question today. Often times addicts and alcoholics will justify relapses or use because of difficult life events . E.g., loss of loved ones, loss of employment, relationship troubles, stress, family drama, you name it. We discuss today how we have coped through difficult seasons in life and remained sober and happy as a couple in this quick special edit...
Dec 22, 2023•27 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! We've covered detaching with love before, but the concept deserves further exploration. Detaching with love is paradoxical. We know how to be in love, and we know how to detach...but detaching with love? It's a grey area concept that is rather difficult. It's required as part of the healing process for spouses and partners and involves reframing our expectations of our addicted spouse or partner. We walk through the concept in this episode and discuss its cha...
Dec 20, 2023•57 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! TWFO welcomes Dr. Christopher S. Taylor to the show to discuss a litany of topics such as healing, addiction, narcissism, abuse, boundaries, codependency, and much more. Dr. Taylor is the clinical architect behind Independently Strong's new course designed to help spouses and partners of alcoholics and addicts on their own recovery journeys. A hope held by many is that there is a simple solution to a vastly complex problem such as how to navigate a relationsh...
Dec 13, 2023•55 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! It's incredibly hard to communicate to friends and family what it's like being in a relationship with an addict or alcoholic, or even an abusive person...they ask the obvious "Why are you still with them?!" followed by suggestions and advice that often make people feel belittled, invalidated, and alone. This episode serves as a bridge between what your loved one wants to say, and what they may have trouble saying. We ask that you listen to this episode in its...
Dec 06, 2023•51 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this episode we go somewhere we've never gone before and have a discussion as parents, rather than a couple focusing on an addicted relationship. Talking to kids about addiction is extremely difficult to navigate, it's even more difficult when you're talking to them about their own mother or father. We touch on ways to address the subject in an age appropriate way, what not enough discussion and too much discussion looks like, boundaries around details, pa...
Nov 29, 2023•1 hr 1 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! The final part in a series on communication covers what healthy communication looks like. We often disregard the need for healthy communication and "Stick with what we know" but there are tried and true methods to effectively communicate your needs and let others feel heard in the process. We discuss these methods and what has worked for us, we clear up the old "I shouldn't have to ask" argument, talk about what's fight worthy and what's not, whether men can ...
Nov 22, 2023•1 hr 3 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! All I want for Christmas is normalcy... Who can relate? The holidays with an addicted loved one bring an entirely new set of challenges to an already stressful season and it's difficult to navigate. The holidays can be a time of extreme anxiety for spouses and partners of addicts and alcoholics due to the need to put on our best face, and juggle the uncertainty of having a volatile and addicted loved one. In this episode we discuss expectations around the sea...
Nov 15, 2023•54 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! We continue our communication in recovery series by touching on some of the intricacies of communicating with someone in early recovery. Early recovery presents a unique set of challenges for the recovering person as well as the spouse. Often times spouses and partners want to "Get back to normal" and begin to work on their trauma but we discuss why this isn't always the best plan. We touch on several tips for communication styles and tricks that we found hel...
Nov 08, 2023•1 hr 2 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! The most common question we get is "How do I help them to get sober?" Unfortunately there is not magic solution, but any progress is going to include communication. This episode begins a series of episodes regarding communication at various stages in someone's recovery journey. This first episode in the series covers communicating with someone in active addiction. This is perhaps the most difficult period of communication as we battle the one-way street natur...
Nov 01, 2023•46 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Triggers. The word comes up often in addiction treatment but we're going to shift the discussion to triggers that exist for spouses and partners of people that suffer from a substance abuse disorder. Our conversation today is designed to help people that are with someone in early or established sobriety. We touch on the origins of triggers and ways to mitigate their severity and ways to have discussions around triggers. Triggers that exist in a relationship w...
Oct 25, 2023•52 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! The conclusion of our message to those in active addiction, or in sobriety discusses the spouse's perspective with the intent to create empathy. Addiction is HARD and nobody will ever question that for one moment, but it's still important to understand that within a relationship the world does not pause for the spouse like it does for the person in treatment or spending time on their recovery. While a time investment in sobriety is a requirement to create rea...
Oct 20, 2023•48 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! We continue with our message to people in early sobriety with a discussion about the disease concept of addiction, and whether the disease model excuses abusive behavior in a relationship. We dig into the real meat of our overarching theme and discuss accountability, validation of feelings, and offer a different (albeit controversial) perspective on the acknowledgment and validity of abusive behavior in active addiction. Support the show Find video clips and ...
Oct 18, 2023•56 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Reactive abuse (defense) occurs when the victim of abuse responds to the mistreatment they're enduring. Often times feelings of guilt are present and the victim then feels like an abuser themself. It's important to recognize that reactive defense does not constitute abuse in itself and in many cases is an involuntary reaction to ongoing abuse. Abusers seize the opportunity of these reactions as evidence or "Proof" that they themselves are victims of abuse, sh...
Oct 11, 2023•46 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! We've been asked to create sharable content for your partners and spouses, so here it is. We hope it's helpful in some way. This is part one that focuses on the benefits of a sober life together. Support the show Find video clips and full length video from this episode on YouTube and our other social media pages! On the web: www.twfo.com Online Course: www.independentlystrong.com Use code WHEELIES75 for 75% off the entire course! Soberlink Device: www.soberli...
Oct 04, 2023•1 hr
