happens because of movies because of social media because of the news because we have put all this stuff in our brain and we think that that's reality, but it's not. Yeah. And that's where I'm saying go back to the basics like go to your instincts, you're lying to yourself.
There's a scientific principle called Occam's razor. Yes, then I like Occam's Razor a lot anytime that I get really anxious. And it's it basically states that the simplest solution is generally the correct one. I think the anytime you think about something that can happen, and the more assumptions you have to make to get there, you can just stop yourself right away. Welcome back, well come back to another episode of till the wheels fall off that I'm page.
All right. Before we get started, we've got an awesome episode. Today on overthinking, we're going to cover a few things that are going on in the world of Tufo, we've got a new mini course available on our website independently strong.com, which you can also access through our website to fau.com. This one is the first module pulled out of our large course, independently strong. It's, I think, a great summation
of the point of the course. And it's got this really awesome review in there, that really helps dissect your relationship valuation. Yeah, it's gonna help you see some truth that aren't so evident in the beginning, when you're really thinking about this kind of stuff. And the more you read, the more confused you get. We've distilled it all into a really simple, awesome worksheet along
with some other videos. Dr. Taylor, the clinical architect of independently strong also offers a perspective in here. And I think it gives people a really good taste of what the big course is about, but it's also super helpful. So helpful, super helpful. So check that out independently. strong.com. We're going to run these for about a month, maybe two, not 100%. Sure. But why? What is for sure is that won't be available forever. Right. So act when you
can act now. We've still got sweatshirts available, which is kind of odd because it's 90 degrees today in February. Yeah, but it's it's cold
in here. They're hitting a it's 107 year old record.
Breaking that thing. Yeah, he's shattering it. Yeah. That's gotten weather so weird now. Yeah, weird. Yep. So you never know when you might need a sweatshirt considering how crazy the weather is. It's probably snowing where you are.
That's true. Very welcome. I mean, you're wearing a sweatshirt right now because it's cold in the house. It's
always cold in here. I know. Always. We always wear sweatshirts way too hot or way too cold. Never just No, we don't have Goldilocks zones in here. Aside from that, I'm sitting next to a new woman. Hello. I love you with dark hair by the way. Love Sure. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I love
it. You're gonna say that whenever I go back blonde because it's gonna happen eventually. You know me I have to change my hair. Y'all. My hair has been pink, blue, purple, Rainbow, red. All the colors. I don't think I've ever gone black though. This is the closest I've gotten like this is like my natural hair color. Almost.
I love it. It's weird, though. Because I'll be in a room and under the corner. Ma I'll see you walk by who's in my house? It looked? Yeah, for a split second. I had that thought Who in the world is the
kids or did the same thing like Cindy goes? I gotta get used to this because she was following me in a store. And she didn't know it was me. Like it was freaking her out and she's like, I gotta get used to this is weird. It's like it's awesome. It's
wack. It's crazy. It takes some getting used to Yeah, but I absolutely love it. Thank you. I love it. I'm down with it. Yep, I like brunettes, man. I've always told you that.
I know that you like me blonde too.
I just I like you. I'm into you. Thank you. So alright, what are we talking about today? Okay, we're talking
about overthinking. And this is going to be a two part episode because I wanted to split this up with this is more the first episode is going to be about like basic, overthinking people who not necessarily with an addict or an alcoholic. This is just your everyday person who struggles with overthinking when we first started this podcast, we talked about doing this as like life lessons, right?
Because we have learned so much in the over 20 years that we've been together through addiction recovery and all the things and personal development that we were going to share. That's what Tufo was going to be about. Yep, is sharing life lessons. And we don't get to do that very often. Because we go back in time, you know, and I want this episode to be more about. I want different listeners to chime in to come in. And
I think we both want to present a different perspective as well to listeners that have been with us for a while where we're not always going to be talking about the things that are going on in your relationship. Yes, your relationships a part of your life, but it's not your life. We would love to cover some of these other things. And I think it's going to be helpful all the same time.
I think it'll be helpful to a lot more people together, you know. So that's what this episode is going to be about. The next one is going to be more if you are in a relationship with somebody struggling with alcohol or addiction and you have different types of overthinking And we'll dissect that more in the next part because I did ask the wheelies to in our community to give me some scenarios that they're dealing with right now and how we can we can help them through
that. So I wanted to separate it because I think there are two different types of over thinkers.
Yeah, I think that not only gets a spoiler alert, I think that one of these things is truly overthinking. Yes. I think a lot of them is denying the existence of real problems. Yes. And calling it overthinking. Yes.
And that's what I was gonna kind of get into as well, is that those who are in the relationships, who you think that you're overthinking, you're probably just minimizing the severity of the situation anytime. So it is the case, that is what I'm seeing. And that is what I'm feeling. And that is where I've been, I understand and I get it. But I've also been in this basic overthinking part,
I think a lot of people live here and I do to understand this. Yes,
I do, too. Like, we're going to talk about basically, you know, like social anxiety, how you overthinking social settings, we're going to dig into that we're going to talk about like overthinking basic decisions, like what to eat, what to wear, how to decorate your home, you know, if you're trying to clean your house, where do you start cleaning, and then you end up freezing? Because not you know, nothing gets done, because you're overthinking about what you need to do. So that's just basic
stuff. And some
of the other things I think, personally, I have been guilty of future tripping more times than I can possibly count, where I'm imagining all the different scenarios of any given decision that I need to make. And the you know, the the million possible branches have that. Like, it can just it can drive you absolutely crazy. And you can get caught in this loop where you can spend all your time thinking about something and never actually doing anything at all. So we'll get
into a lot of that here. Where we were how we sort of rationalized all this and what we do now that I think it'd be helpful for other people. Yeah.
So let's kind of go back in time from when I was in high school early adulthood. Okay, so adolescence, yes. How was I?
Um, I think overthinking would be that fits the definition in neurotic. Well, yeah, probably a bit neurotic. Anxious, without a doubt. But an overthinker, I think is the best way to generalize kind of those two concepts. Yeah.
So I was there I was that type, you know, what were the things that I would overthink on?
Oh, my God, like, you name it. I'm just thinking about, like, put you on the spot. Yeah. Things like, things that to me seemed like no big deal at all. Like holding hands in the hallway. Yeah, was technically forbidden. But like holding hands wasn't ever a big deal to me, like, the worst thing that could happen is they would tell you to stop. But for you, that would mean that you had broken the rules. What if they call my
parents? And if they call my parents, then what are they gonna think of me, they're gonna think that I'm a failure, that my values are wrong and broken, and that they failed as parents and then everyone's gonna think the worst of me. And like, your mind would go to those places over simple thing where I'm thinking, like, the worst thing that happens is like Coach MacMurray or whoever would just say, Hey, stop that. Absolutely. And that's where it stops or like, what's your going to wear?
Or what time you coach, wasn't it? No, I wasn't. I had no idea. I was just a generic name came in my head. But things like showing up late somewhere five minutes, everyone's gonna be looking at me. What are they thinking? They're gonna think I'm selfish. They're gonna think that I don't care. They're gonna think that I'm one of those people that doesn't give a damn about other people's time.
When that happens consistently, then that is a problem with
what you wear and how you're dressed. If you show up somewhere and you feel underdressed, you're thinking you know, a million thoughts about what the other people are thinking about you in the room?
Yes. And also like, with my home being clean, or whatever, people were coming over, I needed it to be perfect and spotless, and I would overthink that because I would think oh my gosh, what are they going to think if they find dust on my? What are those things called? baseboards? Yeah, you talked about this yesterday, and I was just looking at baseboards anyway. So I would, you know, be so consumed with these things being it boiled down to me caring what other people
thought. And in going into social settings, you know, walking into a restaurant or walking into a party walking into a room, I would be anxious, and I would overthink it thinking Everyone's looking at me. Everyone is judging me. People are looking at my clothes or looking at my shoes or looking at my hair. They are saying things about me. And I had to learn to switch my brain by saying nobody's looking at me. Because the truth is like,
what how self? I don't know, what's the word I'm looking for?
I mean, I think that inflated sense of self self important, self righteous. Yeah. But it's not uncommon. A lot of us do that. Because we experience reality through our own minds and our eyes and our senses. And we are the lead character in our own movie. And so we walk around the world thinking that At we are the we are the star of the show, why wouldn't everyone be looking at me? Why wouldn't they think as
much of me as I do myself? Why wouldn't they be consoled concerned with what I'm doing because our, the lens from which we see the world comes from us. And it comes from a selfish perspective. It's very common. That's there's nothing wrong with this. But I think you have to be able to take a step further and rationalizing things. So from a definition standpoint, I love definitions. So let's define overthinking.
Okay, there's a long version, the short version, I'm actually gonna read the long version because I think it really covers everything. So overthinking refers to the process of dwelling excessively on thoughts, concerns or situations, often to the point of fixation or obsession. It involves repeatedly analyzing and re analyzing a situation imagining various outcomes, and dwelling on potential problems or negative consequences.
overthinking can lead to feelings of anxiety, stress and indecision, as well as interfere with effective problem solving and decision making in may involve rumination on past events, worries about the future, or excessively analyzing present circumstance or
circumstances. Overall, overthinking can impair one's ability to focus disrupt sleep patterns, and negatively impact overall mental well being Yeah, this very well defines, I think what a lot of people experience now and it's the colloquial term that we've applied to a lot of these feelings is anxiety. And anxiety is more popular than ever. It's a it's a term that I cannot remember hearing when I was child in the 90s. I never remember anyone talking about
anxiety, do you? Never ever, but it's become more and more prevalent even amongst young people, we're talking about anxiety, all these worries that we have, it's become such a part of the like, nomenclature of just language and and like the canon of, of linguistics that we pull from at any given time, this is just a normal part of life now anxiety. And we let's talk a moment about where a lot
of this stuff comes from. So we can talk about it from like a childhood perspective, I think that there were things there are things that happened to us in childhood, whether it be traumas. You know, there's just a traumatic events that happen to us in childhood. Or it can be some of the ways that were raised with the expectations that are put upon us, right, some of the perfectionist qualities that we carry. And that's where a lot of this stuff
starts. But I don't think the world is designed in any way, shape, or form to make these things easier. If you have these things when you're young, you know, but because they can be developed as well. Yeah, people that didn't have a lot of those things we just discussed can also develop these things. So for you, let's just talk about you for a moment. What do you think your anxiety started?
Oh, wow, as a child, from what I don't know, specifically, from what I mean, okay, I guess it was the fear of disappointing people. So I was a rule follower to a tee in elementary school. Like I didn't want to have my folder signed. If I had my folder sign, it scared me because I thought I would get in trouble at home. But it wasn't like it was bad at home. It was just how as I was conditioned, I was conditioned to follow the rules. So I think that, that had a lot to do with my anxiety. I
was scared to make mistakes. I was a perfectionist.
So when it came to following the rules, you liked the follow rules, because you got praise. And that was reinforced from adults, right? Whether it be teachers, your parents, whoever. It was like she follows the rules. This is a good thing. Yeah, she's in line. Right. So any any deviance from that to you was like failure. But where your I know your parents, your your parents especially hard on you for failure. No. Right.
So it was almost just in me. Yeah. I think it was just in me. Yeah,
I think some of these things are innate in people. Yeah.
But I also think society does have plays a role in this as well. And what we're like different religion, politics. If you look at politics, you only have what two choices make two main choices. So you have to pick one or the other or you're in you're wrong. If you pick one. Or you're right. If you pick the other like it just goes. There's no gray area when it comes to this stuff. Yeah,
no, I think that's 100% on the money. A lot of it can come from trauma as well. Things can happen, whether it's a an event that happened to when you were young, like let's say it was traumatic divorce a really bad situation when you're young. You've been through divorce. Did that affect the way that anxiety presented itself? Yes. Uncertainty of safety in the home, right.
Yeah. Because I felt like it was a big change. You know, I didn't think that it was ever going to happen in my life and then it happened. And that's scary for a child to rock your your sense of safety, right? It can it can because your whole life gets turned upside down. And you're not you know, trained or conditioned to deal with those types of things. Yeah,
and then we've got some of the other trauma traumatic events that can happen whether it be death or abuse, physical or psychological. abandonment, there are a lot of things that can play into people's sense of safety that can heighten anxiety and, like anxiety for for me like as this just the way I loosely define it, it is the it's, I think humanity's inability to handle uncertainty. I think that we love answers, we'd love to know sure to we want people to tell us what to
do. Yeah, we'd love to know what what to expect. Like we want to know what to expect. Not a not necessarily anybody, but I think one of the places you can find this the most are in like, PTO groups and things like that. Like if if a kid is going into a new school or a new grade, parents in there will want to know every single detail down to the seconds, like, what time do they leave lunch? How long does it take you back to class from
there? Where do they go? What do they do if they need to get an extra assignment? They're trying to reduce uncertainty so they can reduce anxiety, but I think they're doing it for themselves more
than their children? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
It's just, it's strange to me. So much of life is uncertainty, I was
gonna say that so much of life is uncertainty as it is just get down to the basics. It's a really all you have to do is get down to the basics. Like all of this stuff that we're talking about is manmade things. This is things that are just created by men, these rules are created by men, we have to get down to the basics of our instincts, and being like, just basic human beings. And we've lost that. We've
absolutely lost that. I believe this is the My opinion on public education, especially I don't believe that it teaches you to think for yourself. I think that it creates incredible employees for people one day, yeah, for sure. That's what it does. It creates people to follow rules that fall in not necessarily challenge I think universities where a lot of people are challenged to think for themselves, let's provoke
new thoughts. And let's but for the most people that that don't go, whether they can afford it, they're not interested, whatever it might be, you're taught to follow rules. And these are the expectations. And if you don't meet these expectations, and bad things will happen to you. That's what we're led to believe. But there's so much of that even outside like outside of just the construct of professional professionalism.
anxiety around just uncertainty and relationships is a lot of what our wheelies are concerned with, it's what's going to happen if this happens, what's going to happen if I don't do this, or if he does this, it's and I understand where it comes from, like, you want to be assured that everything's going to be okay. But what blows my mind about that is that everything's okay. Everything is exactly the way it's supposed to
be at this moment. And if you are listening to this, and you are whatever age you are, you have survived the worst days that you thought you wouldn't, and you're here. Where do we get off believing that there's going to be some event that occurs that we won't be able to tackle.
That's how we were conditioned. We're taught to like, try to solve problems. If you do this, then this will happen.
Guaranteed outcomes. Yes. Guaranteed. Yes. But
that's not the reality of life.
There are no guarantees in life. No, no, I think the first lesson we taught our children was that life's not fair.
We've mentioned this so much that term is not allowed. And I have seen grown adults out there say that well, that's not fair. Well, that's not fair. And and I want to say, Okay, you're right. It's not fair. Because life is not fair. And if we're trying to live a life, that's fair, we're going to be disappointed. A lot. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I understand where it comes from. So it's not dogging anybody on having that belief. Like I understand I feel that
way sometimes as well. But I just encourage you to shift your mindset on fairness and what it truly means.
So you're someone that self identified and was actually diagnosed with having anxiety disorder. Yes, I
had general i General and anxiety disorder. Okay.
So we've talked about kind of where this came from in you. And how did it present itself in your life? What did it prevent you from doing? Oh, man,
everything,
everything? I think
if I wasn't a good mom, I didn't take chances, chances. I wasn't a good wife. I didn't. I was scared to go to the grocery store. I overthought everything like yeah,
what Yeah, what about like this? Not just those things like how did it like present like, how did it affect outcomes or possible outcomes, but how did you feel on any given day? Overwhelmed, overwhelmed, unsure,
unsure, like I wanted to control everything? The need to control me to control yes, because I was scared of anything that was gonna happen. I didn't know. So
much of it, I think is like these two concepts we talked about like and one of them being the need to control and then like the need for guaranteed outcomes, like our inability to deal with uncertainty, but I've just always taken it as this is, you have survived your hardest days, you have survived all the situations you thought you never could. And rarely do we get what we really want in life. And that's okay. Yeah. And that's okay.
Yeah. embrace that. Yeah. Like, embrace the uncertainty.
I just I wonder where a lot of that comes from. It's really interesting to think about, where is expectations, expectations?
It's everything that we've just been discussed, like, we've been the way the world works, relationship
expectations. I think a lot of it comes from movies, Hollywood films, books, romance novels, all the sorts of things that people think of when they think that's, that's the model relationship. Yeah, that's what I ought
to have. Right? We're not talking about relationships right now, though. Okay.
In the context of next one. In the context of our listeners, I think that a lot of people deal with this relationship anxiety. Yeah, I'm not gonna get my happily ever after for sure. In this, this need to control that through all kinds of actions and thoughts that really don't change anything. Yeah. Other than how good you feel on any given day. You know, those talk about medication for a moment, okay. What are your thoughts on medication here?
Okay, so whenever I was so deep into my anxiety and panic disorder, and depression, I decided to go on medication because I, like could not cope with every day stuff. Like I was having a panic attack every day. But I went in with a mindset of I'm going to take medication to get off of it. I'm going to learn how to cope, like get the first layer that I need, you know, of healing done with medication to get off of it. And that's what I did, because I were skills before pills, take
skills before pills. Yes, but I do believe that sometimes pills are necessary in the very beginning to get you started. It is like a just a quick little like, okay, here. You can also use it as a placebo to your
studies on SSRIs are mind blowing? Yeah,
I think that that's 100% factual, because you can live a life with less anxiety, knowing how to manage your anxiety, without medication. You know, anxiety is a normal emotion that people have it is humans are supposed to be anxious is telling you something is trying to get your attention. It's part of your gut instinct and your
intuition. But the problem is, is that we've gotten so far out of touch with our basic instincts, that the anxiety has just amplified, and we keep telling ourselves, we need to make it go away. It needs to go away. It needs to go away. Well, anxiety is not always going to go away. It's going to be there. It's part of you. You have to embrace it in some way and learn how to manage it.
Yeah, learning how to manage it. That's the key. Yeah,
not getting rid of it in any way. No.
You know, I was saying that anxiety has become much more like, just part of our day to day language. You know, that movie Inside Out. It's a great movie. It's a Pixar movie. I think I talked about that. We talked about this. The new one involves a new emotion. Yeah, anxiety, anxiety comes into play. I think the character is going through puberty. And it's like, the mind develops, and now they can feel anxious. But
you know, how you can get through anxiety to is by doing the things that scare you? Yeah, this a lot of people may not agree with me here. Because we do. We're like, oh my gosh, if you don't, if you feel a certain way, maybe you should. Don't do it. If it makes you anxious. Don't do it. If it makes you anxious. Well, it depends on the situation and what you're doing that is going to make you anxious. If you're in a toxic situation that's making you anxious. Yes, you need to do
something about that. If going to the grocery store is making you anxious, go to the grocery store, and try to rationalize, you know, try to like use your instincts on like, okay, is this really that bad? No, it's not. You're okay. You're safe. You're gonna survive?
Yeah, we're not black or white fingers. I don't believe in binary thoughts. Yeah. But and so so do your best to. So I'm stuck on my face isn't something I'm going to say that at times can be true, but I think most of the time is not true or sorry. Sometimes it's not true. But most time it is true is that feelings are not facts. Yes. Feelings are not facts. You have the feeling and that's okay. But think through it. Think through that. You go
to the grocery store. What's the worst thing that could happen to the grocery store? Someone sees you and they think that your outfits ugly? Yeah. Or that they think that you're not put together or that you're shopping at a place that you don't think that your status is above that, or what sometimes
you just feel overstimulated, just too
much going on. This is something to remember too, is that your your brain was designed to eat nuts in a cave. Have you seen that meme? It's hilarious. It's like I'm sitting here with ambient anxiety from all the things that I've read the day or I've seen because I have a brain that was designed Eat nuts inside of a cave. Like,
we have this. This problem with like evolution has brought us all this, these crazy problems that we weren't necessarily designed to deal with know all the problems of the world we watch wars in real time, we can see the worst of the world as it's reported. You know, we have apps that we spend way too much time on that are feeding us information that feed those parts of us that keep us on the app longer. It is designed to
grab that part of you. And the result of it is sort of this ambient anxiety that hangs around. Yes. And it just fuels you and it just eats you up.
Yeah, like if there's any listeners out here that are scared and I'm, I'm sure this is a thing because I've been there before. But if you're scared to go to a gas station by yourself, you're gonna overthink that you're gonna go the gas station by yourself, you're gonna get out of your car, and you're gonna think someone's gonna take me someone's gonna take my car, someone's gonna mug me someone's gonna do this, someone's you know, I'm gonna get harmed. And it might cause you to overthink
and have anxiety there. But let's look at the reality of the situation. What are the stats? Like, what are you is? Do you really think this is going to happen?
Oh, man, I'm a big stats guy. Yeah, I look at the probabilities of this stuff. Yes, you do. Like the chances of being murdered in the United States are? I believe it's five in 100,000. So that's point oh, 5% of a chance. I think that's what you said. It's the it's so small that in my mind, it is literally more likely to get into a car wreck. And I don't think nearly as hard about that. Or that I'm going to develop some kind of like terminal illness, or I don't think nearly
that hard about that. But I'm worried about like someone murdering my sleep. Like it's crazy. It's crazy that the things that we can the places we can go to
it. But it happens because of movies because of social media because of the news because we have put all this stuff in our brain. And we think that that's reality, but it's not. Yeah. And that's where I'm saying go back to the basics. Like go to your instincts, you're lying to yourself.
There's a scientific principle called Occam's razor. Yes. And I like octopus razor a lot. Anytime that I get really anxious. And it's it basically states that the simplest solution is generally the correct one. So when faced with two outcomes, it can be anything, right? So going to the ER, let's just say you come home and something's missing from your house, like, I don't know, like your your phone is gone, or
your purse is missing. Is it more likely that someone broke into your house targeted you specifically broke into your house and took your purse? Or is it more likely that you forgot where you put your purse? Or that a kid moved it or something like that the simplest solution is often the correct one, the one that requires the least amount of assumptions. I think that anytime you think about something that can happen, and the more assumptions you have to make to get there, you can just
stop yourself right away. Yes, Stop, just stop. And a lot of people are gonna say, Well, how
do I stop? How do I stop? This is what I do. I switch my brain on what the possible outcome could be, instead of thinking that this worst case scenario can happen. I stop and I think okay, well, what if nothing happens? I literally just say that in my head. I think about when I'm like you have a doctor's appointment. Okay. When I went to the doctor and I had a mole, I had a mole removed. Yeah, I had, it was just a routine skin. Check. And they removed it. And I was in
really good spirits. I thought to myself, instead of thinking worst case scenario, yes, it did come across my brain. But I stopped it. I was able to just stop and think, Okay, what if nothing is wrong? What if it's okay? Everything's okay. Everything is okay. I'm gonna wait until they call me. And then we'll figure it out from there. And that's what I did. And I had a little bit of anxiety in between, but it wasn't like debilitating anxiety, not to what I typically
would have. And then I got to a point where I like, Okay, well, this is actually something that we do need to keep an eye on and make sure that it doesn't turn into melanoma because it is a possibility that it could. And again, I didn't, like, you know, overthink it, I just kind of switched my brain and said, Okay, we'll just tackle it when the time comes. And I know, that's easier said than done. And it took a lot of practice for me to get there. It takes a lot of present moment awareness.
Yeah.
And I think that you have to rationalize in some ways, like, when you're thinking about what could possibly go wrong here. And like you have that thought, like, well, what could go right? Like, what if it's the other thing? Like what what if it's nothing at all? Yeah, those thoughts are harder to come by. Because you want to think worst case scenarios because you want to prepare people like to be
prepared. Yeah, they'd like to know, okay, what am I going to have to do if this happens, but worrying is sort of crazy to me. The worrying is like, torturing yourself twice. The first time while you have the anxiety until you get the news, you're worried and you've, you've stayed out of the present moment, you've missed multiple days on and you've been less present for yourself or other people. You have literally sacrificed days on this planet that are not guaranteed. Yeah, for something
that may or may not happen. And then when that thing, let's say it does actually happen. Now you get to get over it again. Yeah, why would you do that to yourself?
I mean, it's it's just how Our brains function blows my mind. Oh, do you remember during COVID, whenever, when the pandemic hit, and a lot of people were freaking out, like it was just under the whirlwind of the world, and you and I believe we were sitting in this space, having a conversation about it, and we weren't worried. We weren't concerned. We weren't, you know, freaking out over everything. It was just like, everything's okay. It's exactly the way it's supposed to
be right now. There's nothing I can do to control the situation. So we're going to just embrace it. Yeah. And I remember posting something on Facebook, or Instagram that said, like, not worrying doesn't equal not caring. Yeah. Because a lot of the times we equate worrying with caring, yes. And I think that we need to shift our mindset on that. Just because we don't worry doesn't mean we don't care. Yeah,
it's, I think some of it comes with experience. And knowing that and being able to trust like, like, Alex or Mozi has said, like, confidence doesn't come from shouting affirmations in the mirror that comes from having a stack of undeniable proof that you are what you say you are. It comes through experience and having, like, those, those trophies on the wall to say, like I've been there, I've done this, I've conquered that. And to be to look at your life and say, I
have conquered things before. I think that we looked at that situation. It was like, Okay, so like, if it takes us out, it takes us out. There's nothing we can do. Like if there's some crazy virus what they're saying it is like it's that it didn't it is what it is like, I'm not a freakin scientist. I can't control it. I can't stop it. If it gets us, it gets us in like we have kids too. And we had the same thought like, does it is that scary to think about? Yeah, but the same time? Why am I
going to torture myself? Trying to fix something I can't control. I have zero control over right now in this very moment. Everything's okay. Yeah, that's what we knew. Yeah. Let's just roll with that until we don't have to. It's much simpler that way. Yep. Like you're not just forgetting about the possibility of bad things happening. You're just choosing not to live in them until they actually happen. It's there's a difference. Yeah, there's a
difference. I think there's also a lot of anxiety that hangs around the weight of unmade decisions. There's so much anxiety that is just the weight of unmade decisions, indecision. Like it's often said that the that the roads are full of dead squirrels that couldn't make a decision. Yeah. And we've probably many people probably hit a squirrel who did that. They they dart out, and
then they start to stop. And they're like, which way do I go? I don't go this way to go that way, then what happens? And they go, yeah, so if you're not making a decision, that's what's going to harm me more than if you do make a decision. And we're so scared to make decisions because we don't want to be judged, or we don't want to have the wrong outcome. Guys, there's no right or wrong way to do anything. Right? There's no right or wrong way to do
anything. We have this mentality that there's only a right way and a wrong way. And that's just not the truth. There are so many different scenarios, you just kind of pick one and go with it. And you can always change your mind down the road to
Yeah, you kind of get anything like this perfectionism I am, which I think very much plays into some people's anxiety. Oh, for sure. It's, I have to do it perfect. It has to be right, I have to know what I'm going to get out of it. Therefore, because if I don't make the perfect decision that I'm gonna have to deal with the consequences of making the wrong decision, which is wild to me,
wild to me. When we started this show, when we started our companies and everything else, we didn't really know exactly what the plan was. I mean, we had a general outline of what we'd like to accomplish. We knew we had something to share with the world we didn't we had some like core values and we did some of the business things like we set up the company and incorporated and all that good stuff, but in general is like what's our product? Like? I
don't 100% know yet. But I am a fan of moving in the right direction. Not the perfect direction. Yeah, like true north is an actual direction and it is it's an actual measurement of right on the money. Absolutely true north. I've always said like, if your degree or two off, you're still in really good shape, like you're gonna be fine. You're gonna be very successful. A degree or two off it doesn't have to be perfect.
In recovery. A lot of people get caught up on this whenever like in the 12 steps when they're asked to find like a power greater than you like what has to be like, it has to be perfect. No, it doesn't know let's move in the right just have
to start somewhere you have to start somewhere move in the right direction. Well, let's think about our house and how we remodeled it. Man and how okay, this is just us in a nutshell. Yeah, we started in what 2021 I believe I think we started getting our floors done and then we were doing our kitchen and we were painting the house and we were doing like all of these
different things. It is 2024 now and we just now finished like the last piece Yeah, because we didn't have a plan of everything going in we just decided we want this piece done right now. We want something done. Like I think it was just the floors and then we're like okay, now I guess we should do the walls like a year later. We didn't put it have everything planned out. And same with like the couch. We were talking about this earlier, man.
Yeah, we don't put a lot of stock into like the the minutiae of decisions. Because
if we overthink these things if we were to overthink the perfect color of the walls, or the perfect couch or the perfect light fixtures, I mean, we did kind of do that. But because it took forever to get done, but there wasn't really just finding that we were looking for him every day. No, we weren't for six months. We were just like, yeah, exactly. Yeah, we don't like that one. So we'll just wait. We didn't obsess over. So we didn't obsess
over each little piece. And I think that this is just an important example, because a lot of people might focus on one little thing, and then nothing gets done, because they're just trying to find the perfect couch, the perfect material. Where did it come from? Where can I get it? Like you're looking at 60 Different couches, and you're not making a decision? Yeah, like
when you go to website, you can filter by criteria, right? You can filter by color, you can filter by size, you can filter by whatever. We probably used two filters. It was like we want a light colored couch and needs to be about this big. Yes. The end. Yes. Same with our price. Price obviously matters price, too. And that's like our bedroom furniture, too. But I think that we knew what we wanted, but we didn't overthink it. Many people use way too many filters anytime they're making a
decision. Right? And we didn't settle
though. Right? So this is like where it's kind
of kind of gray, a gray kind of gray. Yes. So you can use too many filters. Anytime you make a decision, like whether or not you're going to go outside the day go shopping, whatever it might be, it's like I need to do filters are sort of like guarantees like, I need to guarantee that it's not going to be I'm not going to be confronted and into guarantee that I'm going to be not seen by
someone that I know. I need to guarantee that I'm going to be comfortable while I'm there that they're going to have everything I want. You're asking too much of an uncertain world. Yeah, I think that the world is truly just uncertain. Its nature is uncertainty. And if you're seeking certainty in an uncertain world, the result is going to be anxiety. This is where your anxiety comes from. It comes from wanting guarantees from a world that offers none. I
think that when things hit us, when we least expect it, we're better prepared that way, then when we try to prepare for something that we don't know is going to happen. Yeah. Does that make sense? It's almost like procrastinating for something like I, I will procrastinate because I do better under pressure than if I were to plan something out. Because it was it's almost because then I get into a way of overthinking too
much. So I'm better if I'm at the last moment like going on a trip or something, you know, like packing my luggage. I'll do it the night before, right? Like I do better like that, than if I do it a week beforehand. Because then I'm overthinking and processing it way too much when in reality, it's not that big of a deal.
Yeah, I think you have to choose what you allow in your mind. Yeah, like, like in life. I think Douglas Murray said this. He said in life, we have to choose our regrets. We choose our regrets. Think of frame things in that way. You're not choosing what you're going to get. You're choosing your regrets. Let's say that I have two opportunities today. One of them is to record this podcast
with you. The other is to enjoy the 90 degree weather outside and get some sun in choosing to choosing the regrets of sitting outside. I'm my regrets could possibly be What if outside, I have some incredible idea for something that's going to make us rich? What What if I have some like moment of realization, if it's going to change my life? You know, what if I'm just going to really appreciate the way I felt when I was out there basking in the sun. So I'm going to regret not knowing if I'll
ever get those things. But the regrets of not knowing what happens if we record this podcast is we're not going to have a really interesting conversation to share with people, maybe someone who could hear this could learn something from it. We have to be consistent with our content delivery and make sure that we're delivering something every single week. That's quality, good stuff. I'd regret this. I choose this regret, I choose the regret of not knowing what's going to happen out there in the
sun, right? You choose your regrets. So when it comes to whether it's a relationship that you're thinking about leaving, if it's going to school or not going back to school, think about the regrets that you'll have and work off of those, rather than these possibilities of what you would have wouldn't it's just you choose your regrets. Yeah, truly, yeah. And the unmute like the weight of unmade decisions. We talked about that. Like I want to get back to that for just a minute.
Like, the heaviest objects in life are not physical things. They are unmade decisions. We've talked about the squirrel like not being able to make a decision Yeah, one way or another. Like you could absolutely it's it's it's analysis, paralysis by analysis, you can truly prevent yourself from making decisions if you think about a decision long enough. At some point you need to make a decision. Now is it going to be the perfect
decision? Probably not. But do you trust your ability to to adjust and to be able to make changes on the fly?
Probably not.
It's difficult with with our listener base, I think because we've we've talked about it like a lot of the reasons that people are unsure of their gut anymore is because they've been told for so long that it's a incorrect, they've been gaslit into, you know, in into forever thinking that I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't I don't trust myself anymore. I think that you can start to rebuild that by making little
decisions here and there. And beginning to understand that, like you have everything it takes to adjust on the fly to get what you want out of life.
You do. It's built in you. Yeah, it is you have to trust yourself, you have and you can just take that step to trust yourself. Taking
taking action is the antidote to unmade decisions. At some point, you just take action. Yes, just do what you think you need to do. Like whenever I got fit, I think whenever you got fit, it's like, I just picked a pick the program. It's like, I'm gonna start doing CrossFit. Yeah. Did I look into it for more than five minutes? No, there was a guy who was fit. And I said, What do you do to get fit? Because I do CrossFit. I was like I'm in. I didn't think
about it any more than that. I didn't go and look, will I be able to handle the workouts? Can I do the diet? What does it like there? How much does it cost? I didn't care. They just made a decision. That was better than doing nothing.
I asked one question about this program. And that was just if it was an MLM, yeah.
Is this an MLM? No,
I met. And I was like, I saw results. And I was like, I want to try it. I'm gonna give it a shot. Because sometimes when I have too much information, I'm not going to make the decision.
paralysis by now you have too much you have to select
yes. So you have to just trust your gut and go with just like, Look straightforward. And just go quit looking at all the stuff of the people telling you how you should think and what you should do. You can you can educate yourself, obviously, you can quit if it doesn't work, and if it didn't work for you try something else. But you still need to give it a shot. And sometimes it's just better if you don't have all the answers is better. What would be the I know. And that's what I was
saying earlier with? Like, it's better whenever things just come at you at a surprise. Like it's just comes at you by accident. It's not like you planned it it does you do better on the fly than if you were to be completely prepared for something. Yeah. Unless it's like, you know, podcast.
Yeah, like when I was getting sober, like, I don't know, they presented like these different ways that people got sober. And I just found a guy who seemed to be happy. So what did you do? He's like, here's what I did. I was like, Well, that's exactly what I'm gonna do. I'm just going to do what he did. Like, if you want to have do what I did. It's no different than like, talking about like the this anxiety people have a lot of time like, especially our listeners, this comes from these
unmade decisions. And this morning, this guarantee that doesn't exist, like let's first accept that guarantees don't exist, you are never going to get a guarantee, ever, no matter what you do, ever, there could always be some variable to prevent you from the guarantee. So forget about the guarantee they don't exist, they're impossible. The chances are more than likely, if you do what others do to be happy, you too,
will be happy. More than likely, I think that people like to think of themselves as the as the exception a lot more thinking about like, I'm the star of my own movie.
I'm different.
I'm different. I'm special. I'm unique. Yeah, that's terminal uniqueness. If you think that, yes, this explains forever. But I just, I think about some of like, the biggest decisions I've ever made in my life started with just sort of a haphazard way of attacking something like you know what, I'm just gonna start. I'm gonna start. Whatever that means for me. I'm gonna start. Yeah. So think about what you can do today. That just means start. going in the right direction doesn't have to be
perfect. But what do you have to do to start? Okay, I'm
gonna go to a basic thing real quick. Okay. A lot of people will look at menus before they go to a restaurant. Yeah. And put your hands up. Okay, I'm going to challenge those though who have really difficult have it that it's very difficult for you to choose something to eat because you overthink it. Don't look at the menu before you go go to the restaurant and just pick the first thing you see and see how it how you feel. Because there's no reason we should be overthinking. This isn't our
last meal. This isn't it's just it's a meal. It is not a big deal. It is one meal out of the 1000s of meals we have in our life. Yeah, but we just want that like it's almost like an adrenaline rush. It's almost like a dopamine kick. In a way actually. Because you're, you're like, ooh, it's that click.
You know how I'm picking that food? Yeah, tell people I'll usually order
Oh, you always asked the waiter what they think is best because
that dude eats there probably at least once a day. Every time he works. I just say what's the best thing on the menu? Yeah, cool. Run it. Yeah, it's either gonna be good or bad. This doesn't matter. Yeah.
I mean, I don't look at the menus as much as I used to like it's not that big of a thing for me, but I remember when it was a thing for me and I know why it was a thing for me. Yeah. Also, I wanted to switch for just a second about moving cones
for the valet guy. Yes. For
like, like whenever we know when we went to go park at the MJ school. Yeah, for his Christmas party. I think it was and there was this spot where there were cones and I would typically say no, we can't move these cones. God
put that cone there. You can't move that you can't do that but but cemented But
I did not overthink this situation and I took then I was like, just stop. I'm gonna get out. I'm gonna pull out this code. Let me go do this. I'm gonna move it. It's no big deal. There was a car parked right there. Like, come on. There's a lot of cars here. It's not a fire zone. We're good. We're just going to park there and go. One time I did park at the school and they came out and they told me to move
to the world when they did that. No. Yeah. So yeah, at
first I was like, Oh my gosh. But then I was like, You know what, whatever. He just asked me to move. And they talked about me too, because I saw them talking about me in the school, I saw them talking about me. And at first I'm thinking, Oh, my gosh, man, that kind of sucks. But then I was like, You know what, it's so stupid. They're gonna forget about it. They're just gossiping. They're just talking. I don't really care. I'm gonna move on. And I think that's huge growth for me.
And that's a big Oh, this is this is important for this topic, because I did overthink these things to where I wouldn't make decisions. Now I make decisions based on my instincts instead of the rules around me. Yeah. Now there are rules that should be followed. You it's you pick and choose, there's a gray area here. But I'm just saying that I think
if you try to follow every single rule that exists and you hold yourself to that standard, then you're going to have some sort of cognitive dissonance at some point,
you're going to lose your ability to make decisions that align with your values.
Yeah. Which results in a lack of self trust, which means more unmade decisions and more uncertainty and more fear around what if I make the wrong decision? What if I have to live the consequences of making the wrong decision? You have everything it takes to do it? You do then beat it? Yeah, start making decisions. One way or the other? Yeah. And you will learn quickly that you are no less than anybody else. No one cares, right? It's gonna be fine. It'll be okay. It's gonna be fine. It
is. But there's some things to be worried about. There's some things to not be worried about. Yeah. The most of the things that we struggle with in any given day are small problems. Yes, most of the things.
Yes. That's the next episode. We'll talk more about the
big problem. The big problems. Yeah, like, I don't know. I've never been like a really anxious person. Never.
You. Oh, yeah. I was gonna pump you up on this episode. Oh, my gosh, I can't believe I forgot this. Matt has taught me so much about not overthinking. How so what do you mean? How so like, you know, this is like you have taught me how to look at the reality of life instead of manmade rules. And I think that's what gets us overthinking is that there's so many rules out there.
Okay. Yeah. So yeah, and like, in that context, I've, I look at rules. Most rules, I'm nothing about like all laws, but even some laws, I look at those things, like who created those things? Like were these things like carved by the hand of God, and just don't know, these are made by man, I'm man, he has a brain, I have a brain. At some
point. Someone made it. You know, their prerogative, whatever they were, you know, compelled to make some sort of a rule or law based on a given situation, but I don't feel like those things apply at all times.
Yeah, let's say it's 3am in the morning, and you're in a red stoplight.
I'm like, I'm looking around, make sure everything's safe forever. I would run the line, you'd run
the white. I'm, I've, I've done that. You taught me to do that. And if I were to get pulled over, I would take responsibility for like, I'm gonna fight it.
I accept the cost.
I would accept the consequences. Yeah, right. But I was like, Okay.
I think that I think about crazy rules at times, like stuff that you'll see. And it's like, Man, why did they have to create that rule? You ever seen? Like weird stuff? Like, what in the world had to happen for that sign to get made? I see stuff like that, like convenience stores. It'll say like, like, no, no E cigs allowed and, and like, maybe let's I don't, don't vape. But let's say I have one of my pocket says no E cigs
allowed? Like, I understand that the reason that science probably there is because a bunch of lawyers probably were sitting there smoking in the place, I would walk in that place with no problem with an Easter egg in my pocket and buy my stuff and walk out not think twice about it. A real rule follower would go back to the car, put it in the glove box, and like this is this doesn't apply. Is this stupid?
Yeah, I'm gonna use my common sense in my mind, because I trust my capacity for intelligence, and probably what the intention of the rule was right? To ignore it. Like let's say there was a rule that said like no hikers in the park after 7pm. And let's say that I'm out there, I want to evening and it's after seven. I would not freak out about having to get
out of the park. It's probably there because a bunch of hikers at some point got drunk and camped and burned stuff down or disturb the neighbors or something like that. Like I would just, I'm not doing those things, okay. But if I got in trouble and got a ticket, I wouldn't argue you would accept it. I was like, Okay, I did this one time in college. There was a golf course. And it was a beautiful day like today sunny in the middle of the winter. It was a weekend. But the course
was closed. We pulled up and the course was closed. I don't even know why it was closed. So me and my buddy were like, Dude, this is ridiculous. Let's go put like 20 bucks a piece like in their mailbox, and let's just play and we'll walk it and do whatever and So we did, we walked the course, we played the course, when we got back to the parking lot, there was a cop sitting there. Yeah. And he was like, I should arrest you both for that are wretched tickets for theft of service and
everything else. And like I took, I took the the ash chewing. I was willing to accept the consequences, but I just felt like it's a beautiful day. Like, I'm just gonna, like, maybe it's a bit narcissistic, I don't know, but most of felt like at the moment is like, whatever, I just matter, it doesn't matter, right?
We need to use our brains a little bit more instead of what other people tell us to do. And I also I wanted to touch a bit on spirituality here too. Okay, because that did. That helps me a lot with my overthinking as
to, well, overthinking, but it wasn't much,
but with with the control piece for you. And this is definitely a control piece as well, overthinking can be controlling, like you're trying to control a scenario a situation that is somewhat out of your control. Some of it is some of it isn't but either way, with spirituality, it taught me to be you know, very present and aware of what's going on and just pausing and saying everything's gonna be okay. And that would help me get through
my my obsessive thinking. And it would pause it would make me pause, we actually have a episode on that. We do. And we have some companions on independently strong.com that teach you how to manage your triggers, which is part of present, awareness, present moment awareness and grounding techniques and stuff like that. And we have a worksheet on there too.
Yeah, spirituality is massive for stuff like this, like, you know, I, when I got sober, I was an atheist slash agnostic. And they basically told me that like, a lot of people have found happiness through this spiritual program, you should give it some consideration. And my first thought was, like, not stupid. Like, I'm not doing that. Oh, it took me forever. Yeah. And then I had to stop doubting that this thing worked. Because I saw too many people coming in telling me
the same thing. Like, dude, how'd you do? How'd you do it? How'd you beat this thing? Well, you know, spirituality was part of it. I did a bunch of cognitive work as well, but it was certainly part of it. Yeah, and I define spirituality is the deepest meanings of values by which one lives that's no more complicated than that. It's not necessarily a religious practice. It was told to me that religion is for people that are scared to go to hell, and spirituality is people who've
already been there. And I was like, Well, I've been to hell. I've seen that place many times. On the daily fact. Yeah, so okay, I know what that's about. It gave me guardrails. And, and it gave me gave me sort of like the first time I ever had like a, like an MMO. Like, I knew how to operate in the world. Now I had a basis of context to operate from. And it kind of came from my own thoughts and feelings about the world. Some
of it from bigger things. Some of it did come from, like, traditional religious practices, I sort of like took a lot of things that I believed in created Franken spirit, and I ran with it. But if it did anything at all, it helped me understand that, like, I'm not in control. I'm not in control. And you're not in control, either. If you're listening, you're not, you're not in control. No matter what you do,
you're not in control. So you can sit there and like, I could sit there and worry so much about what was going to happen about what the outcome would be about how I would respond about how we wouldn't have enough money or someone would get sick or whatever else. I'm like, Man, these things just, they're out of my control anyway, like, yeah, what's the sense and worrying about things that and troubleshooting problems that haven't even happened yet? Like, I'm torturing myself, right? And
I just started letting go. And when I let go, like the craziest thing happened, like I just I was at peace. I was able to deal with problems as they presented themselves if they did, I stopped looking at the bird and yelling at it for shitting on my windshield and understanding that sometimes things just happen. The Burgess shit. Yeah, I just happen to be driving right there when he did. He just happened. And every so often
those things do happen. Things that are unfair happened, someone ran over my mailbox, okay. You didn't mean to wake up that morning saying I can't wait to run over this guy's mailbox and make his life invalid. No, it just happened. What just happened? It just happened. Things just happen. Sometimes I make wrong decisions, and I have to deal with the consequences of those. It's okay. Okay, you know, what
have you learned from it?
I welcome that kind of stuff. Yes. And sometimes I've learned really expensive mistakes, like, yeah, we've had, like, we've made mistakes in business and other ways, and wasted 1000s of dollars on things that we thought were now we know, you know, now, but you don't know when comes out of the womb, like completely prepared for every possible scenario, things that can happen, the longer that you sit and think about the things that could go wrong, the more your anxiety is
going to grow. And the more trouble you're going to have recovering from any of it or figuring out how to deal with the world. Start making decisions and start dealing with the consequences if they do come up. Stop thinking about the what ifs what could have bins and just appreciate it for what it is. You can always improve like you can improve when you do have agency you do have some control over your emotions, and over your responses and action that
right there. But you can't always control the things that are pop into your head, right triggers, if you will, you can't control those things, but you can control what you do with them. Absolutely, you can Yes. So like, I think that a lot of it boils down to fear and like it was like I was told that fear was an acronym. And it was F everything and wrong. And so Fuck it all and run. Fuck everything and Ron fer or it was face everything and recover.
Future Events appearing real. That
was the other one, two major events appearing real. Yeah, fear is an acronym for future events appearing real like these things aren't real yet. They're not real yet. What am I doing over here? so worked up over what could or couldn't happen and man, like you can spend so much of your time caught up in that place where you're not accomplishing
anything at all. Like, in any given day, it's like, Man, if I don't respond to this email for a spot on the wrong way, or if I, if I if I if I go to lunch here versus there, or if I wear this, and I don't wear that, who's going to judge me who's going to think about I don't think about any of those things anymore? No, ever? Nope. I don't care. Right? I was 10 years old. I remember this. Me and my mom, were at the state fair, I think.
And at 10 years old, like you're kind of distancing from your parents, you're like, you're like, I wasn't gonna, that was in puberty. And like, you know, you like, become more independent. Like, I'm a big boy. Now, you know, and my mom like, reached down to hold my hand. And then she quickly pulled away and was like, I'm sorry. She's like a habit. Like, you're just, you know, I know you're growing up. And I just
looked at her. I just grabbed her hand, I held her hand, and I was like, I'll never see any of these people ever again.
I don't care what they think I had cried when you told me this story. I don't care
what they think. I don't care what anyone thinks. Like, what do I care about? What Harold with the cowboy hat over there thinks about me? For two seconds. He's gonna say mama's boy. And then
he's gonna forget that this ever happened 10 minutes later, and it doesn't matter. Your it doesn't affect what
you think about me, means far less to me about what I think about myself. And what those very closest to think about me that strangers, I don't really care, right. I don't mean to be crass about that. I just don't care.
I think it's a healthy place to be. Yeah, like you can't afford. I know, for me, when I stopped caring what other people thought with that it was a relief. It was like, like, I just felt free. I felt like I could trust myself more. Because it doesn't matter what they think, yeah, matter.
Increase the price of rent in your head, and stop allowing cheap tenants to live in there? evict them boot them out. And there has to be a minimum requirement for me to give a damn about something. Yeah. Does it affect my safety? Does it affect my health? Does it affect those that I love immediately? Those are some of the first things I think about? Yes. And then it's like, okay, will it affect me financially? Okay, well, what's the risk? But I'm not, I'm not risk averse, like I
once was either. Like, I think that people, a lot of people can get very risk averse. And like, risk is the spice of life, you're gonna make mistakes. It's totally fine. Yeah, I enjoy making mistakes. And
some we learn from them. I've made so many mistakes within this past year and a half, like, I have learned so much from them. And I'm grateful for and it wasn't comfortable. And it wasn't easy. And even doing this. You know, I make a lot of mistakes on the podcast, we're getting negative reviews a little bit that are like pointing certain things out. Yeah. And that is that's actually helping me now. You know, I took it and ran with it instead of and I make mistakes.
But I'm like, I'm learning from that.
Yeah, they might sting in the moment for your bed. But if there's some truth there, you should uncover that. Yeah, can make you better. Yeah. Like, the worst thing that could possibly happen is that it makes you better. Exactly. Which is a beautiful thing. Yes. It's a beautiful thing. But you have to start doing those things. Yes, living in fear and being paralyzed by fear of what could happen is the silly notion to
me. It's, it's crazy. I understand why people do it doesn't make it okay, you should make a concerted effort to start doing some of the things we're talking about here. And if you're, if you're a listener, more than likely, you're going to be dealing with some degree of this. Most likely, there's a lot of anxiety that hangs around these types of relationships. I think that the greatest fear that people have that listen to the show is, what if I don't get my happily ever after? What if?
What if I don't get what I want in life? What if I'm abandoned? What if they leave? Like what we've told people a million times, and I'll continue to tell people is that that is not the worst thing that could happen to you. That is not the worst thing that can happen to you. You're screwed. Either way. Yeah, you get to choose at this point. And that's what we're gonna get into next time. Is some more
Yes. Types of concept. Yes. Those those? Yes. Yeah, we're gonna get into that
some of them are totally valid, totally valid, but I think the overarching concept of like, choose your regrets. Choose your regrets when it comes to relationships when it comes to your life when it comes to any decision you make. What regret could you live with? Which one could you not? Yeah. So yeah. I don't want to spoil it here. We'll get into Yeah,
yeah. No, we have a lot of questions to answer. And a lot of them are very similar, but I think that it's gonna be it's gonna be solid, solid discussion. I'm
looking forward to that. Yeah. For them. I hope this is helpful.
I hope it is, too. I mean, I would have loved something like this back in the day when I was overthinking like crazy, you know, it can be debilitating. It can make you feel like you're doing all the things wrong. You know, all you got to do is just shift your mindset and and practice
Yeah, start making decisions start making decisions you trust yourself again. And when you trust yourself your will be so anxious gut I, it is like we are built with this. Another thing that we didn't cover that I wish we would have put the beginning of this episode is if you are considering taking any type of prescription drug to handle anxiety, depression, whatever it might be. I'm not a doctor, but I would encourage people to look at alternatives. First, I would ask you to consider how much
water do you drink? How much sleep do you get? How much What are you eating? How much What are you eating? There are so many things that can be fixed with first focusing on the physical part of your body, again, your size and things like that. Going back to the basics, everything else follows. The mindset follows that yes, that happens like prescription drugs are over prescribed. Yes. Like if we did this opioid awareness campaign that should be coming
out here pretty soon. I think that the US is like 4% of the world's population, but it consumes like 99% of the opioids. And the same is true for like our like benzodiazepines the SSRIs. Yeah. Is wildly overprescribed here. No one's asking what that can be doing. Probably in fantasy nine now too. I'm sure that yeah, ADHD medications and whatnot. Yeah, that's, that's a generic diagnosis is given for all a multitude of things that are, I believe, diet related, fitness related. And sleep.
We'll probably have a whole episode on that at some point. Oh, man,
I got a lot of opinions. So I know, I know.
I know. We both we both have that. Yeah. Got a
lot of experience opinions about these things. Yeah. Anyway, okay. That's all we've got. And
we still have our big course out. We did not talk about the big course. Our main course. Oh, man, it's out there. And it's it's rockin and rollin. Changing Lives. Yes. Yeah. So we're getting a lot more reviews coming in. And it's life changing. So go to independently strong.com. Use the code wheelies? 75 for a huge discount.
Yep. Yeah. 75% off that course. Yeah, I mean, this is something that like, I mean, large institutions are looking at implementing into their programs. Like we've had some really cool discussions with some places. It seriously ill, yes, it's real stuff. It's not just some hokey BS that we created. Like, this is real research back stuff. Yeah, that will change your life. I know. It's tough, though. Like, I know how people feel selling gym memberships or selling like things that are going to better
people. It's really tough to get people to invest in their health. Like, they just want simple answers. They want to know No, no, no, no, no, I didn't ask what I can do for me. How do I fix him? Yeah, how do I get him sober? That solution does not exist. This is the next best thing, which is actually the question you ought to be asking. How can I empower myself to a point where I wouldn't be asking that sort of question. And through my empowerment, it could even save his his life.
That's good. That's what we're after. Yep. That's, that's the solution, the solution that you're looking for this genie in the bottle that comes out and changes reality does not exist, right. Like we had a DM the other day. It's like, how did you get him sober? They were asking you the question.
I didn't really get that all the time. I didn't. I understand why you're asking that. Yeah, I get it. Like we totally get it. And this is just a completely different perspective, than you'll find that you'll find out there.
This is the solution. This is the answer. This is what you've been looking for. This? Is it. Yeah. Stop asking the other questions, start asking this question it would be I would beg you and start to focus on this. And for those of you that are working on it, thank you for your support. Thank you for your feedback. Thank you for allowing us to be part of your growth. And we cannot wait to see what this brings later down the road for you. I think this pays off in dividends years and
years and years later. Yes. It's still a incredibly small investment. But I think that it compared to things like therapy. It's very small. Yeah, you could spend like we literally had someone else like this could have saved me 10s of 1000s in therapy over the last five or six years. Yeah. It's huge. That adds up quickly. All the things that they would have, what is your prescription copay? What does all these things, think about? All
of the books that you read, that you buy that you pay for? It's the same, you know, you're the same thing? Yeah. If
you were to pay out of pocket for therapy, if you don't have insurance, I'm like, that pays for itself in like five sessions, right? It's not it's not crazy ask. Yeah. You know? Yeah. So anyway, it's out there. Yep. Hope you give it a shot, you have more questions, you can always check out our website independently strong.com Or to fau.com. I think we did a pretty good job of setting it all up there. It's got to break down with the curriculum, FAQs, every
bit of it, every bit of it. And then you could also post in our community to folk community and ask others that have done it, what their experience has been, and they'd be happy to share it with you for
sure. We do have calls in our community as well that have been super
helpful for people. Yeah, life's a little crazy. I wish we could do more often. But we do. Yeah, we
don't. We're not consistent. There's not a schedule because it's just the two of us and we have children. So you know, eventually we would like to branch out and have different chapters, you know, throughout the world can because we do have world wheelies. But right now, this is where you got to start somewhere.
We'll get there. Yeah, we're in the right directions. We go Here's because we haven't gotten there yet. Yeah. Awesome. All right. Well, thank you all for being here with us. Until next time. I'm Matt.
I'm Paige. Bye