High Seas, Low expectations! Join your favourite Hat Films people Smith, Ross, Trott and Craig as they adventure through a hilarious dungeons and dragons role play set in our very own magical pirate world. Watch the livestreams on Wednesdays at http://www.twitch.tv/hatfilms or enjoy the edited videos over at http://www.youtube.com/hatfilms
Last refreshed: ⓘ
Follow this podcast in the Metacast mobile app to refresh it and see new episodes.
Don't just listen to podcasts. Learn from them with transcripts, summaries, and chapters for every episode. Skim, search, and bookmark insights. Learn more
The Dungeons and Dragons campaign concludes with the heroes confronting "The Horn," a treacherous convergence of currents guarding powerful titans. After a tense battle against the fish demon Meon, where one ally is lost, each hero earns the chance to make a wish. Their desires for musical stardom, a mercenary army, and a kingdom are granted, setting them on new, extraordinary paths. The episode wraps up the campaign with exciting new beginnings for the protagonists.
This D&D session finds the Hat Films crew devising a risky plan to free Titus, held captive by the Church of Triangulus. Their strategy involves a magical toad and a daring teleportation, but quickly devolves into chaos. Titus embarks on an unexpected underwater journey, forming an alliance with a Triton boy for his freedom. Meanwhile, the remaining crew negotiates a deal that ultimately unleashes a powerful sea turtle's wrath upon their enemies' ship, before reuniting and setting sail for their next adventure at 'The Horn.'
In this D&D session, the adventurers discover a colossal, three-sided sea turtle being exploited by the militaristic Church of Triangulus. They hatch a scheme to free the weary turtle, "Womp," by tricking the cult into believing Womp is now obedient, only for the plan to spectacularly fail when Womp dives too soon. This leads to a tense negotiation culminating in a dice game, where the party gambles and loses, forcing their Triton companion, Titus, into servitude to the Church.
Sailing through dense fog, the crew is lured by a mysterious voice, revealing a sea hag that appears as each character's ideal partner. Most fall under her charm, with humorous and perilous consequences, until a chaotic battle erupts. Utilizing ship cannons and powerful spells, they defeat the hag, revealing her true monstrous form, and reflect on their susceptibility to temptation.
This episode finds the party deep in a mushroom land, first battling an onslaught of mushroom zombies and cunning pirates who've tied up a loxodon. After a chaotic fight involving powerful spells and a charismatic debuff, the pirates reveal their ingenious tax evasion operation, using the island as a mobile tax haven. A tense negotiation ensues, leading to the party acquiring mysterious treasures before returning to their surprisingly upgraded ship, only to face a disappointed Lord Eritree and a horde of zombie spectators.
On a strange mushroom island, the party navigates hallucinogenic flora and aggressive, infected Tritons. After bizarre sleeping arrangements and a poisonous helmet mishap, they discover buried pirate treasure guarded by an elephant-man. Their attempts to loot lead to a confrontation with a pirate captain and his crew, culminating in the revelation of a terrifying mushroom zombie army.
The party navigates shipboard antics and bizarre crew dynamics before arriving at a mysterious, bioluminescent mushroom island called New Fungary. They learn about its strange burial customs, which involve zombified relatives, and discover that psychoactive spores are causing escalating madness. Tasked with finding the root of the problem by the local Triton, Lord Irritree, the group embarks on an expedition into the island's blighted interior, leading to a chaotic battle with mutated mushroom people, a flail snail, and a willow wisp.
This episode follows the crew of the newly named ship, The Raw Dog, as they set out to sea. After dealing with their mischievous ship spirit, Kevin, and enjoying some peculiar onboard meals, they learn of a mysterious traveling mushroom island called New Fungary. Their journey takes a perilous turn when the ship strikes a coral reef, attracting two massive sharks, leading to an intense battle involving magical spells, a musket, and an explosive cannon launch.
This episode follows the crew of "The Raw Dog" as they introduce their new first mates to the homunculus Dr. Feelgood and prepare for sea. After provisioning the ship and a controversial incident with a caged crew member, Kevin, they decide to test their vessel's capabilities. A cannon misfire causes an automaton's injury, leading to repairs and a discussion on crew discipline, before the "Raw Dog" engages in and triumphantly wins a drag race against other ships, establishing its reputation and a new colloquial term in the process. The crew then plans their voyage to the perilous "Horn."
Following a month of downtime, the adventurer's ship "The Raw Dog" is revealed with impressive new features, from revolver cannons to a glass bottom. The crew also recounts a strange week of "grandad duty" that involved polymorphed breasts and memory modification. They then conduct three eccentric interviews for a first mate, ultimately hiring two candidates after a dramatic "split or steal" game determines one's first month's pay.
Following a night of rest and an unfortunate incident with ancestral ashes, the adventurers successfully transmute lead into gold, though a dispute over the payout leads to an outlandish deal involving the wizard roleplaying as a grandfather. Later, at the shipwright, they secure a discounted vessel and embark on an elaborate, humorous customization process, envisioning everything from glass-bottomed cabins to figurehead Iron Maidens, all while preparing for their next grand adventure.
In the first part of session nine, our adventurers are split. Sword and Kapipi, transporting valuable lead through the jungle, face a perilous kobold ambush, aided by questionable mercenaries. Meanwhile, Titus flies to Goldtooth Town, landing on a hawk carrier before engaging in a strange lobster culinary adventure. The episode culminates with the jungle battle's aftermath and plans to convert the hard-won lead into gold at Master Flagan's workshop.
This episode follows the adventurers as they begin their lead mining operation, using both traditional and magical methods, including a wizard's smelting and an experimental pickaxe elixir. They confront the health hazards of lead mining, leading to a discussion on dwarven lifespans. Their journey back takes an unexpected turn when a massive armored boar attacks, leading to a chaotic battle that is ultimately interrupted by the arrival of sky-riding knights errant. After a brief standoff and negotiation, the group secures a share of the boar's valuable parts and a unique airborne ride back to Gold Tooth Town.
The adventurers reach a mining claim, recover from a spider fight, and negotiate their share of lead. They discover dwarves use fart-filled goat hammocks for beds. After a prank goes awry, they encounter tricky kobolds, leading to a confrontation and an attempt at diplomacy, culminating in a creative but ultimately deceitful mining operation.
This episode continues the journey to the lead mines, taking an unexpected turn when the group is ambushed by giant spiders and their formidable two-headed Spider King. After initial captures and intense combat, the heroes utilize their unique abilities, including a devastating tidal wave and blinding spells, alongside the timely return of their dwarven scouts, to defeat the arachnid threat. The episode showcases a thrilling D&D battle filled with close calls and powerful magic before the group prepares to return to camp.
Episode 7, Part 1 kicks off with the adventurers facing chaotic morning routines: Kapipi wakes to a trashed shell, Titus endures a peculiar brothel experience, and Sword makes an awkward exit. The party reunites at the Rusty Axle, where they meet dwarven miners and prepare for a lead expedition. Their journey into the jungle is marked by strange encounters, including judgmental nobles and herb-offering monks, leading to paranoid side effects and an unconventional goat-assisted walk.
This episode sees Kipipi take the stage for an 'enthralling performance,' charming Mikkel Salgo to secure a significant discount on a ship. Following a chaotic spider juggling act in the pub, the group meets Flagan, who presents a lucrative lead mining opportunity to help fund their new vessel. The adventurers then embark on diverse and often peculiar quests for accommodation across town, preparing for their next big venture.
The adventurers finally meet the illustrious Mikkel Salgo to return his ship, The Fat Duck. They recount their wild journey, including battling a kraken and promoting Mikkel's reputation, while slyly attempting to secure a new ship for themselves through various D&D-style negotiations and even a drinking contest. The episode sets the stage for Kapipi's unexpected performance opportunity.
This episode follows the adventurers as they finally reach Gold Toothed Town and deliver Mankeys to the eccentric Master Flagan, a gnome wizard specializing in transmutation. They witness a grotesque, yet fascinating, magical ritual to transform the Mankeys into a human, Joven, prompting discussions about Flagan's showmanship and other magical possibilities. Later, they explore the town and have a memorable, albeit controversial, dining experience at the Turtle Bay restaurant, where they cleverly negotiate their bill.
This episode sees the adventurers finally arriving at Goldtooth Town after a comprehensive recap of their kraken-slaying victory and subsequent experiments. Navigating the town's busy port proves challenging, filled with magical refreshments, docking mishaps, and a peculiar meeting with Officiate Goyo, a tree frog official. With a magical letter of passage and concerns about their ship's unauthorized modifications, they enlist half-orc porters for cargo transport, all while publicly humiliating an old foe in the stocks before reaching Master Flagan's Apothecary.
Following a colossal kraken battle, the heroes engage in a lively negotiation with Captain Raffaello and his specialized monster-hunting crew for a share of the spoils. They learn about the "Order Destructus Monstarum" and their secret "City by the Sea" where harvested monster parts are used for advanced technology. The episode culminates in a strange meal of kraken meat, a dramatic return by the beastmaster, and discussions about legendary beast-hunting grounds before setting sail for Gold Tooth Isle.
The episode opens with the crew of the Clumsy Goose encountering a massive octopus attacking a well-armored galleon. After much debate, Titus dives underwater to investigate, discovering the creature is harpooned and communicating its anger. A plan to raise and suffocate the kraken with a water walking spell is initiated, leading to a full-scale battle where both ships pummel the rising beast. The fight escalates with blinding fireballs, enchanted cannon shots, and eventually a synchronized attack that causes the kraken to explode in a gory spectacle, leaving behind a cleanup challenge.
Following a chaotic battle, the adventurers negotiate with their Loblin saviors, explore captured Corsair ships to find various magical items, and cleverly deceive the Loblin captain to acquire more loot. Upon returning to their own ship, they discover hull damage, leading to a series of comedic and painful repairs, including a finger-nailing incident and an innovative musket-turned-paintball gun. With their ship mended, they set course for Gold Tooth Isle, but a terrifying sight of giant tentacles on the horizon promises a new challenge.
The crew's ship is violently attacked by corsairs, leading to a desperate battle where Kapipi is gravely wounded by a formidable water mage. Just as defeat seems imminent, the Loblin Free Navy arrives in their advanced hydrofoil vessel, swiftly neutralizing the threats and rescuing the beleaguered heroes. This unexpected alliance leads to discussions about recovering lost goods and preparing for their continuing mission.
The gang accepts a risky delivery contract from Periwinkle, a quirky alchemist on Turtle Island, requiring them to transport magical goods and "living cargo" to Gold Tooth Isle. After signing a binding agreement and discovering Periwinkle's flying rabbit, Terence, they return to find their ship under attack by Corsairs. A daring bobsled ride and initial skirmishes lead to their ship being set ablaze and dragged out to sea.
The episode picks up with a recap of the group's journey on the Fat Duck, their encounter with Captain Glaston Forthright, and the discovery of a teleportation way gate on a remote island. Upon returning from a brief portal jump, they face aggressive mutant monkeys, leading to a frantic battle and an escape through the same mysterious gate. They land in a wizard's tower, where they uncover a lab of bizarre experiments and ultimately meet Periwinkle, a master transmuter who reveals the origins of the mutant monkeys and gives them a tour of her magically enhanced, yet dangerous, island operation.
This episode continues the D&D adventure as the crew visits the Empire's trading vessel, the Fortune's Grasp. They engage in trade, acquiring a shark-repelling talisman and various weaponry, including a unique cannon. After departing, they set course for a volcanic island where they stumble upon an ancient teleportation device, a "Heavenly Way Gate," and one member takes a thrilling, albeit brief, journey to a city populated by shark-humanoids.
This D&D episode follows three adventurers who have successfully stolen the magical ship, "The Fat Duck," now crewed by ethereal beings loyal to its original owner, Mikkel Salgo. After renaming and disguising the ship as "The Clumsy Goose," they encounter a massive Imperial trading vessel. Using a hypnotic frog and magical persuasion, they engage in deceptive trades, selling enchanted ale and cheese for substantial profit, all while hiding their true intentions and the ship's origin.
In this D&D prologue, three unlikely heroes - Triton wizard Titus, hobgoblin artificer Sord, and taul bard Kipipi - embark on their first adventure in the Thousand Teeth Isles. Tasked with reclaiming the magical ship "The Fat Duck," they navigate a charmingly chaotic world, dealing with quirky characters, failed lockpicks, unexpected combat, and the surprising revelation of the ship's undead crew, ultimately deciding to embrace a life of piracy.
