Episode 10 - Part 2: 2 Boat, 2 Booty

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Back to booty, uh, session 10 part two. We continue our journey as the gang have just finished hiring not one but two first mates. That's right, the ship is out of dry dock. Down in the water. As the staff are prepared to be. We join the story once again with the uh gang showing the first mates the ship, I believe. Uh I think Sword was going to show them some of the automatons that will be helping to run it and crew it.

Feel free to treat them like a piece of shit, honestly, they're automatons, they don't have feelings. So you're down in the hole at this point? Well your little homunculus just starts screaming at these two first mates as they come down. You know, like the the what him What do you think it sounds like to you? Like a staff sergeant. What in the hell do you think you're doing? There's a really loud voice from this tiny little homunculus.

Yeah. Shit! I didn't know they I don't know they piled shit that high. He's saying to these uh these two fuss. He's up. You've designed it. This is like this is what you want. Dr. Feel Good, please calm it down. Please, why do they call him Dr. Feelgood? These are your new first mates. So they actually do rank above you.

Sorry. Sorry, gentlemen. Need salutes the the the two first mates. Sorry about him. He's hanging on to like the inside of his like swinging lantern. If we need to get the automatons to do anything all at once. or he just needs to do any basic commands, that sort of thing, get the ship ready for sailing, that sort of stuff. Feed it to this this fella first and he'll make sure everyone gets the message.

Yeah, I can tell these automatons do just about anything. Anything. Yeah. Hell, they'll kill you in your sleep if you cross me. He says. I made this guy. I don't know how. I'm very abrasive and loud, but I get the job done. Where are we going, sir? Good question. I'll have to speak with the other two captains and then we'll figure it out. Very good!

Yeah, you're gonna have to work with him uh on this. I'm Dr. Feelgood. That's Dr. Feelgood, yeah we got Andy, first mate Andy and First Mate Bongo. Andy and Bongo, those are stupid names! Alright again. What are you gonna do? Stop me from existing? I can literally do Please don't do that! Yeah. Either you can do it magically or we can just Step on you. Don't literally just misplace a box. You chastomed me. We can misplace a box or something could fall off a shelf. Be careful.

Your time. You're just in a lantern. Yeah, but it's my whole world, but this lantern's my whole world. It it certainly is. Just watch yourself. You watch yourself. Well I am. With you too! The fact that we're having a civil conversation and you're in this tiny little thing. Is it civil to you? It does it feels civil. Good! Okay. It's nice that you're getting along. Yeah. We got a long time. Hand him a little sail ahead of us.

Why? He throws it on the floor, he takes it from you and throws it on the floor. I don't wanna eat! It's a little Dum dum! That's fair enough. You stupid. That makes a lot more sense that he doesn't eat. Hey master, where'd you find this idiot? Good question. I'm gonna knock him over. I'm gonna just gently push him over so his w lantern falls to the side. My lantern Look how easy that was. Help me Look how easy that was. I'll pick him back up. Just so you know, it's easy to do.

I may be. Alright. Two of your tomphones, pick up that lantern, I'm not gonna do it. Uh and yeah The Comatons hang him from the ceiling on a little hook. So what rank is he? He's under First Mates. Under First Mates, but above Bove the automatons. Alright, okay. I kind of respect the automatons more than that. You've got three captions. Right. Three captains, two first mates, whatever he is, and then automatons. Automatons. Okay. Getting the bottom of the barrel automatons. Yeah.

Everyone's below me. Because of the things I can do. So that's Yeah, but I can sing. Yeah, whatever, I'm gonna go to the Crow's Nest. We have a crow's nest, right? Yeah. Going up to it, just I'm gonna chill for a minute. We ought before. We ought to be taking this thing out for a spin, but if it weather is good. We ought to be heading out onto the sea. Yeah, Maiden Voyage. Yeah. We haven't got anyone in the Iron Maiden yet. We need to find out. We should take this thing for a spin.

Yeah, that's what we were just discussing. I can't heave from here! Well it would be useful if you were back down here. It's pretty cool up here. We probably shouldn't see a lot. We probably shouldn't leave with an empty iron maiden.

You're uh if you're planning on leaving uh port, may I suggest that we provision a ship first? Who said that? That's a good idea. That was that's handsome Andy, sir. Hi handsome Andy. That's why you're here. Go shopping. And his own strays. Andy! The bag! Keep it on! Hello sir, what's that? Keep the bag I can still see from here. I haven't got a bag, yeah, haven't bought work. For God's sake, find something. Your sack, make your sack is it? How much is that?

Yeah, it's shaping holes. Hundred gold. You give him a hundred gold. Got six hundred, you give'em one hundred. That's two month wages for the union boy. Okay, what would you like me do you want me to go and tear in a provision ship? What sort of stuff would you like? Food, ammunition, powder? I want us to stretch. The rations as thin as possible. Really thin. They're like cheap but bulk goods. Right, watch that, I'll get barrels of stuff for you. Plenty of powder. A lot of gunpowder.

A lot of cannons that fit our little cannon revolver. Uh uh Bongo's looking at the um the the the he's fascinated by the the cannons and things you've got. a custom ammo type to be made. I've got some friends at the uh the nearby gunsmiths. You both go off then and you We'll work together, yes we'll get messed off. Whoa whoa whoa. That's gonna really cut into the hundred gold. Is it

You go there and work your magic and get it for free. Anyway. I'll go on my own then. Don't you worry. Pilo! With that hundred gold, bongo. Yeah. If you uh Bongo. Yes. If you have tools of your own, of course, bring'em on board. If you want to cut into that budget, you can make an itemized list to me. Uh if you think you can create some useful gadgets With it. Okay. En route. Yes. Alright. With that, first orders of the day.

Okay, very good, yes. And Samandy, let's go. All right, yeah, right uh off we go. We got you got a s spare sack I can borrow you here and like chatting as they walk off into the distance. They will and then they will go and get you your your items there. So they're the provisions wise, they will bring back for you like a few barrels of the basics. So like salt beef, salt fish. some um s fruits like limes and things like that. The classic ship stuff.

Stuff to keep the you know vitamin C and stuff up like that. Um they also not the crew at all. It's just us. Just for you, yeah. They'll get some special bits and bobs for you, they'll buy a few like like preservable but tasty treats. so that you guys can have some good meals, some fancier meals. Uh they will also buy enough for let's say a month's voyage of equipment. Um they have many many uh

small bespoke cannonballs um forged for you. Uh so you have uh plenty of ammo, a couple of barrels of powder to to load, um, all sorts of things like uh mainly your cannons, but also your guns. Uh anything other requirements for powder you might have as well. You know, you can use powder very creatively, gunpowder, that is. Uh

Yeah, and I mean th they'll do that. Um they'll they can bring that back. You guys can either decide to go and do stuff on shore now or you can wait until they come back and load in the barrels and supplies. Well I was just thinking

Titus Yes? Have you still got that uh that hole with Kevin in? Yes. Cause we should s try him out in his little cage. That's true, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm coming down! Alright. I think Kevin can help sort all this stuff that's coming in.

Hello, type What did you say? I didn't hear anything you said earlier. Oh right, you've got Kevin in the hole. But of course we've built his little prison uh cage uh room downstairs. Yeah. Uh we ought to try him out and see what he thinks. Alright, let's go down there and plop him out. Let's do that.

So upside down. Alright, here we go. I'll slap I'll just slap him on the ceiling. Do you slap the ceiling the hole on the ceiling inside the frame, in the metal frame, yeah? Wait, isn't that a goal in the Yeah, but he's trapped in the cage. Oh yeah, there is all our gold in there as well.

Sure. 200 gold. Well let's say I think mainly sword has the on him put on his chest and there's not that much in there anyway. Anyway. A few things fall out, chests and things clatter out, and then the ethereal boy. Hanging on, Kevin. He's trying to he's gripping it, his legs come out first, you yank him, he falls down into the cage, and lo and behold, the magic of the cage allows him to stay in it without being in the hole and without being on his ship.

There's runes and a little bit of magic inscribed in the frame that shimmer as he momentarily phases a little bit. Oh, is he gonna go back? Is he gonna get pulled back to his original?

No, this magical structure holds him almost. How are you doing, Kevin? Yep, not not bad. Welcome to the new ship. This is it, is it? It's called the Raw Dog. Oh it's a pleasure to be aboard, sir. Posed to have your boards. Can I lead the cage? No. No, this is my cage now, is it? I guess it beats a dark Oh yeah. Think of it as your pitch. Yeah, exactly. Think of it as your bedroom. Okay. You can put posters up if you want. Yeah. I can put posters up? Yeah. Can you get me some posters? Yeah. Oh.

I guess I'll just like use my fingernails to inscribe some stuff in the stuff. I think this is a brand new ship, please don't think you'll be able to interact with it. Um also on the floor is a pair of the magical green gloves that fall and out of the whole. Can you um do you want me to like organise it in here or something? Yeah, if you can reach through the bars Yeah and then like just stack stuff and tidy it all up when they bring the the provisions on.

Is that right? Oh you fucking little I'm gonna go up to the cage and like want to swipe at him. And your hand passes through him. If you like you can put the green gloves on to physically slam. No, I just just have an outburst of discretion. Would you like to beat him? No, I just like I get over the moments. I'm sorry. Well I'm sorry you I Master Sword, you seem to still not quite understand the rules of our Oh yeah. Give me the gloves. Give him a gloves. Give me the gloves.

Oh the gloves are on. Oh what on what are you doing with those gloves? Why are you putting those gloves on, sir? Hold on! I'm so sorry, Kevin. Do you want us to worry? We're gonna watch. What's happening? Are you gonna go inside the cage or you gonna grab him by the s you pull him through the bars? Pull him through the bars. I'm sorry, sir. What what are you doing? Just teaching you a lesson. Oh, I don't need any more lessons. I'm very learned. I pull up the gun.

But this gun, this hand doesn't have the glove on, I just shoot through his head. Oh can we get holes in our ship? The bullet flies through and lodges itself inside the hole. He sprawls on the floor. Like hate cabin boys! Oh no, I'm disgusting and vile. I'm so sorry, sir. Don't suck it up to me.

I don't know what to do, how do I appease you? Clean all this up! It's already fairly tidy, it's brand new. Provisions are coming. Sort it out when it comes. But within the cave, what do you want in the c No, it passes straight through him. What do you want, sir? I w I walk away angrily. Sorry about him, Kevin, but you really should behave yourself in future. I know, it's it's on me You've been a very naughty boy. Oh haven't you? Would you like a glove, sir?

Not right now. I'm I'm Mr. Nice Guy. I'll be your friend, Kevin. Okay, good. Do you want to pull on Tarance's tail? We can leave the light on for him. That's nice, isn't it? He's trying to pull on Terence's tail, but just gone through it and I he doesn't have the gloves on. You stay there, Terence. I forget he's there sometimes. I forget he's there as well a lot of the time. A lot of us do forget that he's there. But he is. Um

We'll leave a little light on for you, mate. Don't worry, you can stay in a lit room so you can look around and enjoy the mundane nature of this. Of living in the bird base of a ship. Well what else? W well what are your dreams, Kevin? What do you dream of? Sailing the high seas. Well, we're gonna be here sailing again. But I'm gonna be down here. In the magic.

What if Do you understand that? Do you understand the concept of not existing, Kevin? Well I I might return to Mickle ship, will I not? You don't know. I don't know. You don't know. We don't know for sure. Oh but now you're currently protected by magic. Yes. And everything here is all you have. A gilded prison, if you will. Don't call it prison. This is your home. It's a m it's it's a structure made of metal.

It's definitely a prison. It's a magical home. What if we take a cannibal below the waterline and it starts flooding the bottom of the ship? Then you call for us. In fact, if it happens, I would like you to scream your head off. Because we need to know. I'm three floors below you though. What if you're up on the top deck? Well where's the glass w is there glass floor in here? No.

Oh. Were we below I'm connected? You're on the bottom deck of the ship. It's in the bedrooms, in the rear of the ship. Only in the bedrooms, yeah. What we can do then, Kevin? You don't get the glass floor. It's pretty cool. You get to see like things. Could I see that at some point? No. We can't move you much. I could probably put you in a in the hole and then I reckon we can run the rope down from the top deck that's connected to the bell through the boards just

A little bell a little clean okay, maybe yeah, you can ask You'll be a warning boy. You can ask Bongo to like do that for you if you like. You'll do it when it comes to you. But if the f if the base f is flooding If something you dare abuse that system, the bell's gone. And the light's coming off. Okay. And you're once again Back in the hole. Back in the hole. Alright. That's just a that's just a very simple rule. Uh otherwise yeah have fun. See, Kevin. Look, I can inflate him when I want.

There you are. He's not awkwardly bobbing against the ceiling of the terror, like a birthday balloon. Careful.

Okay. Well um the ship is ready to leave if you want to go out on a you ca I mean you can choose to it's entirely up to you what you do. You can choose to Leave and just head out into the I reckon we'd let this let's do a speed test. You want to do a C trial? I mean what I will say is during your month-long rest you learn a bit about the horn. Um and uh um what it is. The horn is essentially a massive pile of broken ships.

and flotsam and jetsum and all the things. Imagine like the Pacific trash patch, but this is more concentrated and more structured. So the the horn is this legendary spot in the middle of the Notlantic. the Great Sea, um to the northeast of the Thousand Teeth. Uh in the center of that Currents, the great currents that run through the giant sea, uh converge.

And here lots of, you know, like I say, pieces of old ships and other ships started to gather a long time ago. But because of this the gathering of of broken ships and all of the things that ships sometimes lose. With that came riches and rare things, where ships were lost at sea, where great galleons filled with gold and and riches and magical items from their plundering of the Thousand Teeth were lost at sea. Okay eventually Those currents brought all that together.

And the thing is, not just the valuable, not just the inert, not just the broken gathered here, but great sea beasts as well are brought to this area because of the current um bringing food and other wildlife and things like that to this area. There are um lots of reasons for the great beasties of the sea, the gargantuan uh behemoths, such as the Krakens like creature you fought, gather here too.

So, uh when uh a ship or a crew attempts the horn, they do so often in pursuit of great riches, but they know that it comes at the great risk of encountering one of these giant beasts. And that is essentially what you've learned from other sailors in bars and libraries and things like that. So y i it's worth visiting for such great riches, but of course it comes at great risk. Well let's not do that.

Just not go there. Let's go around it. That sounds good. I reckon we should just run a few, yeah, endurance stress tests of our ship, stretch of legs. Maybe do a lap of the aisle. Something like that. Yeah. Maybe get the automatons. See if they can weapons tests. Weapons tests. Just check the whole crew and ship work together, do a lap, come back if we're happy. Head on out to the old horn. Yeah. Let's get horny. Yeah. Um with good with good wind. Um while we're getting all those provisions.

So that would speed things up. Yeah. Could you make it blow? Yeah. You could. For a long time you'd known I could control wind. Yeah, but you're not you weren't as good as Doesn't matter. That other guy that we saw. The ship's already getting pretty crowded, I don't want to put anyone else on, quite honestly. Well I can do the weather thing. Well we could look into a weather wizard.

You know, if only there was a wizard that we could find. Yeah, like a really powerful wizard that could cast weather like abilities. Yeah. Just like a really good wizard. Yeah. That's what we need. Anyway, I don't know. Pipe Dream and Conjure a Gust of Wind. Yeah, that kind of thing is what we're after. So if we could find someone that could do that. Maybe we'll find someone that's when we're out and about that. Like a little kraken. I did!

You were there when we lifted the Kraken. Oh, you lifted the Kraken? You were there, yeah, you were under the water though. Pushing him up and killing him. Suffocating the Kraken. I suffocated the Kraken, I can control it. Yeah, what were you doing down there? Oh, I was talking to him. Oh, sure. I was having a little conversation, and then I lifted him up, and we killed him.

We did. I remember slicing and dicing and shooting. No. I don't remember you doing anything. I'll have to change your memory perhaps. Please don't change everyone's memory. In the last twenty four hours things might be different. I'm just saying. Don't change my memory.

Uh oh let's just let's set sail, shall we? Let's get that. Let's test her out, let's let's restretch her legs and uh let's go. Who wants the wheel? First time wheel. Uh paper scissors. I think it's below me. Did you say below? No, I didn't say below actually. I did it j it just happened. I said it. Just by saying it in casual nature, I said billow. Your coat is billowing. And it's doing it. Reliably. Snaps. As if a strong breeze has just uh assaulted you.

Right, let's uh spin this baby out. Whoa, whoa, whoa, I thought you saw it's below you. It was, it was down down there. I'm a quite tall person. Oh god, man. So you're gonna take the wheel? Certainly span it really far to the right. You guys need to untie the ropes and things like that first. You don't just start driving. Automatons, do your thing. No no, dots are feel good. Tell the automatons. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright, you wooden metal pieces of shit!

Uh I want you to derig the ropes and I want you to get this thing ready to make sail.

The sound works really well with the squeezing. They they silently walk their way out, under the ropes, throw them off. And then come back down and go back into their like they've got like a position on the gun crew that they just sort of like fold up in and just be like bit lifeless, but uh Um all I'm picturing Sastian now, so Yeah, the first mates now are um also uh like you know helping and working on it.

Uh ship's ready to go. Were we tied up at a dock or were we like anchored out a little bit? No, no, you were like at uh on a jetty. Yeah, you were like in a small little harbour that's attached to the ship.

Down a ramp where we're going to be able to do that. It sat in the water uh in a small harbour that the shipyard uses to launch its ships. How does the anchor work on this ship? Is it one of those spinny ones like you get on Sea of Thieves where it's through through the middle, or is it one that we throw over the side and then have to

Hoist back up by hand. Uh we'll say there's a capstan. Yeah, yeah. So the so the the the it's yeah, it's a a thing you can work together to yank up and down and drop, but it runs through the front of the ship and off the nose and then falls down.

into that. It's below the Iron Maiden, which is below the horn. There's a lot of shit rigged to the front of your ship. Yeah, it's very front heavy. Down force. Yeah, because did we fill the Iron Maiden before we have no we really should do that? Is Tyrone still around?

I don't think I don't I don't think we should do any more to Tyrone. He's been through a lot. Yeah, he's got your puppy. He's been through an entire romantic relationship in twenty four hours. And he's now got a puppy to look after, so let's not just shove him in in a Oh. Mind made it like we're like we have no feelings.

Well keep your eye out for everything. Or we'll look out for someone. We've got we've got to fill that slot. We've got like a lot of things. What I put in there is a mechanism which is like a metal thing that goes in your mouth. And so like if you if you jolt around, it's gonna cut up your mouth. That's really genius. I love that.

Oh they have to bite harder, but the risk is they could break a tooth. So it's it's quite mouth as well. Yeah. But there are also like sharp implements either side of the Iron made isn't it? We don't need to feel that right now. Let's not we're no no one's in it right now. Let's test her out. Let's test the speed and comfort. Let's get going. Durability. And speed.

And and and weapon power. Should we wait for our first mate and the other first mate to come back first? They're already back. Two mates. Sorry, I missed that. I I was doing something else. Yeah the mates are on board. The mates are on board ready to go. Let's let's go. It's they're on board. Let's go! Send the ship out! There were no sails, probably. The raw dog is raw dog. I like the chain of command to be whoever's at the wheel has to pass it on to whoever out of us two is closer.

who then passes it on to the next person. So say, you say go to tell him to go, to tell me to go, that I then say to the first mate who's closest to go, who passes it to the next first mate, who then shouts down to the guy in the little lantern, who then shouts at all the The crew to go. I think that's the chain of commands. It sounds simple. Let's do that. Yeah. Okay, so everyone shouts go. Go! Go! Go!

Go! Uh so yeah, you start you start sailing. Um you make it out of the little harbour you're in and into the uh large mouth of the Gold Tooth Isle, or the river that enters the Gold Tooth Isle. Uh this is a busy ship.

like area where there are lots of small and large boats navigating around. So you need to be careful. Who's on the wheel? You? Oh yeah. It's quite a hard wheel lag. Can we fix the wheel lag? We could have to tighten that up. Ask them down the line. Sorry. Can we fix the wheel lag? Whoa, whoa, you missed me out. Can we fix the wheel leg? Yeah, I was closer at the time, so now up to you. Can we fix the wheel leg? First mate, can we fix the wheel leg? Uh yes.

Uh we'll tighten that up. Uh yeah, so the wheel lag does actually have some downsides. You uh bump the ship a few times against other uh against the wall of the small hole. Scrape you scrape for the outside, the right hand side of the ship. Plan ahead. Plan ahead.

Steering than that. Way tighter than that. Okay. Um so yeah, you you it it tightens up. Uh um Bongo. Oh yes, I seem to have adjusted the the wheel leg now. It's great tightening. It's working well and you've noticed it kept a bit more responsive. Yeah, it's almost one to one. You're starting to already learn the sort of uh behavior of the ship, the the the handling. Yes. Uh you're getting to grips with it already, Titus.

Uh you make it. She feels tight. You stop shaking it so much. Wow. It's so tight. It's on a hair trigger. It's a sharp left or a sharp right. We need to the cruise Where's the dead zone? From left to right. No dead zone! Whoa! You gotta have to lock it straight. Okay. Man, if we get away, we're screwed. That doesn't matter. No, no.

No dead zone on the steering anymore. Uh you are through most of the traffic now, out into the bay uh proper and this area you see other ships sort of uh getting ready for open seas. So they're practicing things, they're checking rigging. Your ring is taught. and your cells snap and fill. with the wings.

Can you get the rotation right crew first mate? Whoever's closest, Bongo. Bongo, yes, yes, um okay everyone, uh we're going to be going out into full sea trials. We're gonna have every assistant checked. Uh everything is looking good so far. Ah, let's get everything tight Um and he's like Yeah, okay, I guess I'm naturally supporting it to you, sir, um because I am actually uh working for free and I'm an idiot. Uh so

Whatever you say, Master Bongo. So he's already he's second mate now. Yeah. And he's just naturally slipped into that role. Yeah. Um he has managed to find a Hessian bag which he's cut a couple of holes into for his eyes. Um so and he's tied that with a leather bit of uh like a leather lace uh just around his neck. No chance of slippage, good. Yeah, he's tightened that.

And he's wandering around like the bad guy from the first Batman film. Scarecrow. Yeah. Yeah. Um What's worse? It's terrifying. He's gonna get the nickname Scarecrow. She should put a sympathetic face expression on the front.

Big sad. He's happier for it. He's got more confidence now he's got it on. I've never seen someone so confident. I want Oooey face, yeah. Bongo! What does an U face look like again? Or just like the uh U. A quick engineering request. For a McCarpenter and engineer Yes, so what do you require? Can we get a small much smaller steering wheel?

um created and popped up onto the uh crow's nest for me. I'd just like to see a bit more small engineering request. Just a small engineering request. Do you want it working? Yeah yeah so I can just go to the top and just kinda like really look around. And control from the top. Is that some is that so much to ask? It's quite a lot, yes. We're gonna have to use uh remote pulley system to uh access the I don't wanna hear the information.

Okay, because that stuff doesn't really make any difference to me until you've made it and I can complain about how tight it is or whatever. But for now I'm happy to use the g original or what I would probably class as outdated steering system. Okay. Okay. So thank you Bongo for your engineering assistance. That's you earning your 50 gold mate. It's quite complicated actually. The steering wheels of ships were quite complicated.

Uh they use ropes that then um move the system underneath. I'll add it to the list. I'm already uh doing the putting the bell system in for Kevin. Um so I'll get the rope up, I'll it might take a few weeks. Uh I'll I'll have it done. Sure.

Don't get a lot of CT. It's just uh it's y we're gonna find things we wanna fix and make better over time. Get them in now, get the requests in now. That's two that's two things. The bell, probably not as important as the steering wheel on the top. I feel like that's

It's gonna be a big improvement because we'll once we're up there you can see everything. You can, yeah. And if we can control the ship from up there, the world's our oyster. We'll be at the horn no time. We'll be raw dogging the horn.

ブルグツアルボログのホールさんです Um right, so you're out in the bay. Uh you can down there. Huh? Yeah, I mean you're not out in the open sea. You're not you're not in the open sea yet. It's still within a few miles of land. You can still see land quite easily. Where are we on? There are there are Uh sort of small rocky outcrops that often are used for target practice by other ships.

This is a very known thing. Ships often stop, chuck their own targets and stuff, but essentially it's like a small rocky outcrop with a pile of targets and things on it. Um mostly chopped to pieces by the cannons. But if you like You can try a firing drill. Alright, we're gonna do some uh cannon drills now, everybody. So uh get the cannons ready would you? Get the cannons ready would you?

Get the cannons ready, would you? Okay, you stupid automated foots. I want these barrels loaded and so uh you can see the automaton snap into action. They rotate the four cylinder uh cylinders, the f uh to the side and they load these small golf ball style cannonballs in, packing charges behind it, powder as well. They're loaded up and they're ready to go. Starboard report side cannon batteries report ready to fire! On my command! Or his or his. That's true.

Okay. And like the little homunculus is like leaning. out and around the outside of his little like uh lantern home, like looking up the staircase from the gun deck up into the open air where he sees you guys uh above. Or do you wanna one of you wanna come down and like command this or not? I'm gonna test to see if they can make the best judgment. So I'm gonna do a command of fire when ready and then see how they best.

Judge when to shoot and if they hit the targets. Okay, so because of the way this is set up It's you're it's best to have somebody on the top deck um calling the shots in terms of like they can see like out of their little opening and they can adjust them slightly, but you are still gonna need to tell them like, you know

Fire, essentially. You're gonna you're gonna try and tell them to fire. Alright, who's got the best vision of all of us? Mae'r pethau'r pethau? Mae'r pethau'r pethau'r pethau'r pethau'r pethau'r Mine is Plus zero. Plus zero. Plus two. Alright, you're gonna have to be our ice on the top deck. Alright. Calling the shots. I can be your ice. Just tell

Doctor feel good where you wanna shoot and when. Alright. What are we firing at again? There's just some target target practice. There's a small rocky outcrop, barely even big enough to be considered an item. Alright, Doctor Feelgood. Fire am I calling the s you calling it? You're gonna go direct orders now. Okay. We're cutting the chain of command. We're coming up alongside some targets. Acquire your targets.

And fire at will. Fire at wheel! And then as you come across the the uh we're gonna say you're gonna be approaching this so your port side, your left side battery is uh the one that's gonna target this thing. And uh Several uh we're talking let's say you hear three shots. For the first. Yep, that's uh bang, bang, bang, and then another three shots. And then an explosion. Yeah, imagine that. BAM Okay, so initially the th the the first volley of six shots goes off well.

They they land, um they inc inc Okay, yeah, that's a huge explosion. That's why I didn't want to press it. That's about right. Something's gone very wrong. Um what in the ship. In the ship. So essentially the seven foot like so those those shots. shots went well. The cannons work very very well, very accurate. The speed of the projectiles is incredible. Every target it hits, it just seems to go straight through.

and it rips through several other targets. These these these projectiles are highly accurate, very quick, high penetration rounds. They don't do a huge amount of um explosive damage. However, something that does go wrong is there's a misfire on one of the cannons. Uh one of the cannons

the chamber has essentially just blown off backwards. So there was a blockage of some description and the chamber that goes onto the back of the cannon barrel has exploded out backwards and one of the arms of one of the automatons has been blown off and one of the cannons requires repair. There any fire or are we good there? There is no fire at the moment, luckily it hasn't caught fire, but a huge amount of smoke. So uh you hear uh Dr. Field Good die HOLY shit

Oh you better get down here somebody, there's a there's been an explosion! Um my god, here we go again. This is why we do the test, guys. This is why we test. Is that Andy? Is Andy dead? Andy's not down there, no. Luckily, Andy's doctor's more ponds on the gun deck at the time. He was so good. Special soul. His mask, I mean his head, his face.

was something that we'll always remember in our nightmares. Honestly that's all the morning I need. I hope for the best there guys. Oh he's fine. Oh sorry Andy. Andy. Big up Andy. Bongo has just taken a quick look down, he's ran down the stairs, come back up and he's telling you guys like

I can have had a quick look. Seems to me that there was some sort of blockage in one of the cannons, and that's caused it to backfire and blow open the rear of the c of of one of your cannons. Is that under warranty then cannon? It'll take a couple of days to repair. Yeah, is that under warranty to resend it back? Can you repair the is is the uh the automatons okay? We've got a few spares. Uh the automatons, one of them's taken a bit of a a knock. Yes is uh one of his arms has blown right off.

Well, uh maybe if uh sword gives me a bit of help uh we might be able to construct it. I think there's there seems to be a large store of spares for both uh for most of the stuff on the ship. Uh so I think Yeah we've got arms, we've got legs in storage with Kevin. Yes, sir.

Um and should be particularly good against organic targets. I don't think they'll be particularly good at blowing holes in ships, however. They'll penetrate, but uh if you're looking to sink things, uh these are not the the things we use. What if we were to aim below the water line though? When they go small central length shot holes. We think that the g the cannons can fire four shots within uh uh.

Uh a matter of seconds uh per cannon. So yes, if you concentrated fire with the cannons, yes, I think we could uh put that perhaps. What do we think was the problem that caused the blowback? Like how do we manufacturing error? Yeah, is that likely to happen on the other camera? It seems to be a loading error. Who loaded it? Uh the automaton.

Oh. This is not good. You may want to check their work in the future. We're out two cannons. Start to feel good. Yes sir. I think there's a bit of uh discipline to be taught. You want your homunculus to discipline the automaton? That recently lost their arm. How would you like him? Discipline, sir! So that it never made a lot of people. What physical damage do you want me you want us put an automaton in an Iron Maiden? I just want to point that out. We

It can't even learn lessons. It's more just to set an example for the rest of the crew. Yeah, but there's only you two humans or two two And we can't be automatically. Yeah. Uh okay. Let's fix it. And then we'll teach it better. Okay. Okay, sorry, I'll go back here. Okay. But I like that you're trying to think of the help.

Um more like a creaking sound, let's be honest. Yeah, no, I'm hearing it. Um and walks to the front of the ship where it waits with its one arm up, ready for you to loop a rope around it to lower it down into the front of the ship. Or You could pull the the Iron Maiden up if you work together onto the deck to load the automaton into it. I actually don't want to load up.

The Iron Maiden used to be. But uh to the rest of you on on deck, see what happens. We may use the Iron Maiden on our own crew. You hear that bag face? Oh yes, sir, we hear that yes uh uh you're very handsome today, Andy. Thank you! I feel pretty good. You see my ass? I got some work done. And he's had like really crude ass implants. Very impressive. Your face. Do you wanna see what you look like under my trozes? No. No, I can't imagine those wounds are still healing. Oh, they are.

There you are, I cannot sit down, I got a hot bum. No, they advise you to lay on your front for at least six weeks. I know, I'm just laying down. It's with grease though. I got grease put in it. They said organic would be better than wood. Wood? Wood? I imagine they just they they s they sand it into an arse shape and then just stuff it under your skin. Fucking hell. Wow. Um amazing.

A Brazilian. Okay, right. Well the the cannons we've we've worked out those issues. The loading issues shouldn't be too common. I was unlucky that one of them seemed to have been loaded wrong. That's why we do these tests. Absolutely.

Right, uh well that's that done. I mean, have you what do you wanna do? You wanna try and see how fast we can get this thing going? Speed test going, the wind seems to be picking up. Yeah. Uh let's see how fast this baby can. So there's a few other ships around you that are all doing similar things, all checking rigging and stuff. And if you like you can maybe like, you know, give them a

You can raise a sail that's sort of like the drag the drag sale. Like that's like a checkered flag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's race them. We've known that. There's a couple of the other ships that are sort of bobbing around nearby you. You've got a couple of different ones. You've got one very nice looking Castilian design one, one of the monster hunters. You've got another couple that look as though they're sort of locals fishermen and things like that. There's one fisherman guy who's just like.

He fancies. Let's do it, let's line this. Maybe a bit smaller, but uh I think we've got the technology. How do we talk to these guys? We just You use flag signalling. There's a he's a universally known drag race flag. Okay. They call it a flag race. Red, amber, and green. So the fi the fisherman guy, yeah, he's got like a special rig that he he raises up, which is like uh which is a

A flag that has holes cut into it, it's a black flag with holes cut into it. And then behind it they raise the different colours to simulate That's very cool. You know, the starting thing. And he's got his like his boy on board, you know, it's only a small ship, but he really isn't he's really keen. Like, you know, he loves this stuff. So he's like ready to go. And um one of the ships, the Castilia uh ship, the city by the sea ship, they're like

Would you like to put some money on this? A yell from across the HOWC! How about ten gold? Yeah. Make it twenty! Okay! We got this in the bed. We got this in the bed. Titus, you ready? You got the wheel? Certainly have. Found that dead zone. No, it's just gonna go straight. To the next target and like off the front of your ship about five meters.

You see another yeah, you see another small outcropping much like this one that's clearly been used. Dead ahead of us. Okay Right, so you guys get into uh Two boats, two booty. Uh actually I like to really like.

You guys get into like a racing position and you're gonna have to work together in order to get the most out of this ship now. So the sails are down and you're ready to get going. What I'm gonna need you to do I'm gonna want you to do some some rolls for me here. So all of that. Oh fresh. As in just today, I mean. What you're gonna do is you're all gonna do sleight of hand checks and athletics checks. You can use whichever has the highest stats.

And for this you're gonna be rolling. I want three separate checks to see how fast you're gonna get going. So the race has started. Okay? You are up against two other ships, a fisherman's ship and a Castilian ship. Uh the Castilian ship makes way and it already has a good kicks into action. The ship almost does a slight wheelie. Uh right? As it gets going. And it's clipping along, okay? Right, each three of three of you give me the roles I ask for. Alright, I'm doing athletics. Uh-oh.

That's a 10. Okay, people's role? So it's just whichever one's. Basically, to simulate you running around, pulling tight sails. Thirteen plus four, seventeen. Nice. Okay. Ten, seventeen. What does that say? Seven. Seven plus seven. Okay. Nine. Right. You pull level heading um like level pegging with the Castilia ship.

Okay, you're racing along the fishing ship despite having done all the lights and stuff maybe because they did all the starting lights they're they haven't quite got going yet then they've they're quite behind you guys so you're ahead by two ship length in front of the fishing ship, however you are currently next to the Castile ship. Clipping along.

Give me another roll. Automatons aerodynamic mode. They're on the gun sh like the gun deck, so like they just they back they I don't know they just crouch. What am I rolling for? That's a two. Oh no. Same again, is it? Four. Uh twelve plus four. Sixteen. Okay. Thank you.

Don't get a terrible. 23. Ooh. Wow. Okay, right. Castilia ship lags behind after an initial good start. Wankum! Yeah, yeah, they they they they start to you start to beat, you're pushing ahead of them even further, and they're seeing this and they're like, oh.

Oh god, they're gonna beat us. You're half a ship ahead of them now. They're screaming the cabin, come on! We cannot be embarrassed by these new sailors! We are experts! And the crowd the the crew is moving really quickly, tightening things, they're chucking barrels of heavy stuff off the side.

Side of their ship just to try and get a bit of speed. They're reducing weight. Jumping provisions. The fishing ship is catching up now too. Between the two of you, you see them sneaking along. They're moving a bit quicker now. They've got these grand sails, and it seems to be that the captain of the ship have some sort of jet propulsion system of some description.

Flames trailing out the back of the ship as the young fisherman's son is shoveling what looks like coal into a furnace. It's some sort of advanced drag racing ship design. Oh no. But they're not quite quick enough to beat the crew of the raw dog.

Who are really clipping along now. The automatons, they've got into their aerodynamic shape, they've crouched a little bit, and that just seems to be what you needed to really pull ahead. Swords, excellent um direction of the automaton crew seems to have made the difference there as they pull half a ship ahead. As they close into the last third of this race, the end is in sight and they can taste that 20 gold. Go on, let's raw dog it to the victory line.

Oh, very good. 18 plus 4. You roll so well. Thank you. Oh, that's 17 for me. Oh, 17 for me also. Do 17s in a what? 22. 22. But there's a gust of wind around the corner that might have to be blown. Despite the shouting of the Castilian ship, that captain, he cannot get his crew. They're fighters, they're not racers, really. Really. The crew is going through the motions, but it just doesn't have the speed required to make the most of the wind. And they sag back into last place.

as the fishing ship blasts past them. They're starting to skim on the surface now the speed they're going. They're on the plane. They're you know like the the bits of the sail are ripping off the speed they're going. The face is like the lips are pulling back. However, they may be moving quickly, but they are a tiny ship. And this ship

cannot match the speed, precision, and effort of of the raw dog. The raw dog, it almost is overtaken by the fishing ship, but they've already made too you've already made too much of a headway and you sail with speed, effort and strength. Past the finish line as you make it and beat out the fishing ship, which just moments later passes over the finish line as the Castilian ship then lags behind. Automatons do celebration mode. They're all just like they're moving their oily.

And then they will stop and they're just A little shower of ticker tape comes out of their hands. I don't know who installed that feature, but it's a one-use thing. You're gonna have to re-arm the ticker card. That took ages to take shots have now been used. Yeah, put your bug, put your bag back! Put it back up! Put it back up! That singing.

Uh the Castilia crew are clapping, you know, they're they're gracious in defeat. They're like, well done, well done. And the the the fishing guy is just happy to have used some of the crazy technology on board and they're like He's like, Yeah, nice, nice race, good race, good race seems quite wasteful. Yeah. You lost a stuff, but supply on here. Happy to use it really, just you know oh I'm I'm loving it. Right. Um they They both loaded.

bags of twenty gold and just fire'em over to you about smaller net. Well that actually they aim for the sales and the sales catch these these bags of gold which then The they use low loads, you know, they're not using a lot of powder. The cannons fire over uh the the two bags of twenty gold power into your sails and then fall in bags to your deck. Well Tom collect that up.

Well then. Swak it up. All right. Pass on the name The Roll Dog has hit the high seas and we're heading for the horn. To the horn. To the horn. So yeah, the other ships in the vicinity have seen this race and they're like, wow, that ship is incredible. Stories spread in the local port over the coming days of this fantastic ship design that outpaced even the mighty drag. drag racing fisherman, the legendary local. Could it have become a term that people use?

Getting raw dogs. Getting raw dogs. Yeah, to be raw dog is to be Blasted bast, you know, you've You're raw dogging me, you're raw dogging me they yell as someone races past. Ral yeah, exactly. It's when you're overtaken You're so good at raw dogging. Yeah, yeah. And the kids love the the raw doggy shit as well. They run

Down to the to see you come back into port after your sea trial. They're all there on the s on the rocks and on the on the on the port and they're like, It's the raw dog. Oh yeah, they raw dogged the shit out of that guy. Um and the fishermen say like, Yeah, yeah they So we got raw dogs. Jonathan, we got raw dogs out there. Like all the the town townspeople are coming in, they're like, Yeah. They rule talk those guys out there as well! They'll roll dog anyone!

Wow. This becomes this term for being someone. I'm gonna raw dog you. Yeah. Local schools take on it, they have the weekly raw dogging um where the fastest student is given a X Extra ration. Godson, raw dog that kid. Yeah, yeah. So real father. Thank you.

leaves the the gold tooth owl and becomes vernacular in several different languages where people are like, Well we don't even know where it originated. Will we raw dogging till we win that Olympic medal? Yeah, we will r I hope to be the best raw dogger, some people say. Yeah yeah yeah. Anyway you come back into port

Um and you talk to the artisans and they sort out that cannon loading problem. Um, they're happy and yeah, y you know, you have a couple more days now in port to think about a few things, really um plan out your trip. to the horn. Uh any particular considerations you need to make and uh the the people of the port will um will also think. About what the fuck you're going to be doing. I think before we leave, boys. Yeah.

One final baby turtle meal back at the Turtle Bay before we go. Well you wanna go back just to Just for you know, at the end of all our planning and stuff. We'll take some turtles for the road. Yeah. Make'em laugh, eh? Do you want us to go speak to him or not right now. Not right now, but we'll that's what we'll do. That's what we'll do. But we won't speak to him. Shaking. Because It take took a long time last time. Yeah. Oh the the matron E. Yeah the Charles.

Charles We'll pay full price. We've got forty gold to spend. We certainly have. We've got forty gold to spend on Tils. Yeah. Well you guys can go have a slap up meal. This is the end of part

Two of session ten of Booty, High Seas, Low Expectations. We hope you've enjoyed it. This is a little bit shorter than the first one because we kind of front-loaded it. Never really know how long each episode's gonna be, but uh this is the end of this one. So we hope you enjoyed it. Thanks again for everyone who's uh subscribed to us on Patreon. This is

is available in podcast form on most podcast platforms, it's available in video form on the Hap Films YouTube channel. And it's also available live every Wednesday at 2 pm UK time on twitch.tv slash Hapfilms. Do you know you can also get it in merch form, in the form of a booty poster? That's right. It may be up. If it's not up yet, just wait a bit. Soon. There'll be some booty posters to buy. Um but yeah, thanks everyone. Thanks for playing, guys. Thanks for hosting.

Tomorrow, but next week. Yeah, I'll roll raw dog you to it. Yeah, let's see who can raw dog our way to the next episode. I can't wait to raw dog your. Yeah. Yeah. Let's change, let's take back raw dogs. Let's take it back. Who owns it? Us now. Us now. We own it. Thanks everybody. See you next time. Happy Raw Dog. Taxes was waiting on the refund you needed yesterday. Alright, your car repair is gonna run about three grand. Now taxes is getting back on the road with turbo tax increase.

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