Episode 10 - Part 1: The Raw Dog

Hi, I'm Michelle Madison. And I, of course, am your John Jacobson, and we are the video game outsiders. Yeah, we've been doing this podcast for over twenty years. And we talk about everything in gaming from PC to console, but we also go off topic a lot. We do. And we're silly. We don't take ourselves seriously. We are. And there's a lot of news. Sometimes gaming news, sometimes news of

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Welcome back to Booty. It's been a while. Today is the beginning of Act 3, the final act of three. Bet you're surprised by that. Um of of of our um our little adventure that we've been doing in the land of the thousand teeth, a Caribbean like chain of islands in a world

Much like a combination of many other different fantasy IPs that I've stolen from. I'm joined today by Ross Hornby, Chris Trott, and Craig Frost, who will be playing our Intrepid Adventurers and characters. What does intrepid mean? It means adventuring, uh brave, exciting. I uh adventuring men here are going to be continuing their adventuring mean?

Adventuring means to go out and seek new things and make new discoveries and um what does discoveries mean? Discovery means to find something that was once not known or seen. Scene. What does scene mean? Scene means to taking information through your eyes or in other ways We are gonna do a quick recap about what has happened so far. These three idiots came to the Gold Tooth Isle initially, right? The very, very, very start.

They accepted a contract for a person called Mikkel Salgo, who is one of the dons of the Gold Tooth Isle. The Gold Tooth I Gold Tooth Isle serves as the main hub of the Thousand Teeth, an area of uh islands that are being explored by the developed nations of the world from all across uh the the globe. It is a globe. What? I know shell. I know. Uh they came over here, they accepted a contract. They found themselves on a small island called Docker's Bay. Docker's Bay.

Uh that's where they stole back a ship, Mikalsau's famous magic ship, uh from some thieves. They took that. from the island back eventually via a few different detours to Michelsalgo. They did they delivered that. They decided they really liked their magical ship, and well rather Mickle's magical ship, and wanted to raise some money to create their own. So they went on a little mission, dug up some lead, amongst other things, got turned into gold by some gnome bloke.

Uh they then use that money to buy a secondhand ship and have it refitted. It has been a month of in-game time and m a month or more of real time for us as we've been away. Uh Craig got married. Um, there's the ring to prove it. He's off the market now. I'm not wearing mine today. Chris Trot's not wearing his on his finger today. Um Uh we're back finally and we are going to be continuing this story. Uh what we're gonna cover is what happened in that month.

Um of downtime. We're gonna find out what's happened to the boat, how well the construction has gone, and uh what it looks like, what it has on it. We're then gonna decide uh what you guys wanna do next, whether you want to head out. The loose plan at the moment is to attempt one of the great challenges of this area called the horn. Now the horn is something that you'll discover more details about in our campaign. But essentially that is the big end game right now for this.

uh mini campaign within this setting. There may be another campaign, uh that Chris Trott is gonna be DMing that may be in this setting. Uh I hope it is. We it might be, it might not be. We might come up with some other great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's gonna be happening immediately after this stream. Um so it's not. That'll happen at some point in the next few months, I imagine, once this wraps up. We're gonna have Um at least. Four more sessions, I think.

um of this campaign, roughly maybe a bit less, may even be a few more, who knows? Um but in the downtime, something rather important has happened. The uh the gang here have leveled up from level five to level nine. Quite the leap. Quite a hell of a leap. Massively. Is that normal? No. No. No, it's not normal. That's not this is not normal. We're in a world of not normal now. Great for beginners. Let's have a quick chat.

with you guys as to what you've done uh in your level ups, what kind of direction you're going, what kind of spells we can look out for in the coming episodes. Alright, well I'll kick things off. being the least experienced here so that the other two can correct me if I'm wrong in anything. I will correct you. Thank you, guys. Even if you're right. Um sorta spent most of his time role playing. Uh uh actual like within the world. Yeah. So he's been role-playing within a role-playing world.

As like a family acquaintance for a long period of time. And I feel like that's built upon his intelligence. He spent a lot of time. being a fatherly figure. Who is it we were being a funly figure towards the floor? So that's actually this is flagrant. I was let's go over more the out of character stuff right now. No, I'm trying to tie it in, you see. Yeah, yeah. So it is flagrant. So the one of the things that was uh said in the previous session

was um you guys made a promise to Master Flagan. Because Titus pissed in his grandfather's ashes and then made them disappear into a magical, I think we call it the Pooh Realm, Um uh you Sword, you're doing grandad duty for a week. I'm being his granddad. You're being his granddad. Titus his mummy and Kapippia's son is the notes I've got here.

So you guys have to heavily roleplay So for a good few weeks. Yeah. Well for one week. One week. Yes. Um as a granddad you don't actually have that many responsibilities. If anything, Flagan's looking after me because I just shit myself a lot. I basically use this chance to become incontinent.

Um I think I'm not sure. I get washed a lot, so which gives me a lot of time to read and I'm becoming very educated in the arts of artificiing and I am now plus two intelligence. Wow. Look at that. I'm now seventeen. He's now just a seventeen at level. Intelligence. So I'm pretty goddamn smart, actually. In particular, he's been learning about the ship and its enhancements, and we'll go into that later. However, he's learnt some cool spells because why not?

He read um all about vortex warping. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's been playing with time a little bit. A little bit of time management. So I can magically to a space uh around another creature I can see within range. The target must succeed on con savings throw or You said you can magically to a space. Magically.

Wait what? Move around. You magically twist space. Did I say that? I don't know. It kind of garbled together. Yeah. I can twist space around a thing. Yeah. And if that thing fails, they can teleport to an unoccupied space of my choice so I can force teleport someone else. They must be on a surface or in a liquid that can support the target. So yeah, it's like a remote teleport of someone else, basically. Uh whether they want it or not. I've also got Mass Healing Word.

Yeah, it turns out uh one of the balls I had on me I just had to amplify a little bit and boom I can heal a lot more people around me now. Wow. That's pretty sweet. So um got a couple of those. And uh that's basically it. So no nothing. They really are garbage. Um so what Did you get any more infusions? Oh I did, yeah, but I I've not even used the ones that I've got, to be honest. Yeah, how chemical savant a savant. Um I I could infuse some items I haven't done that.

I could make a homuncular servant, I haven't done that. Restorative reagents. Yeah, I've got the restorative reagents which allows me to create an elixir that's experimental. Yeah. Allows me to restore some health and stuff. He's chosen it for the role play. I don't have it just He's a role player.

Titus, you've chosen your spells. You've become an even more powerful, learned I've gone for banishment. That's good. Was it eight? Banishment. Is that different from banish? Uh so banishment it says here you attempt to send one creature that you can see within range to another plane of existence. Target must succeed on a charisma saving throw or be banished.

Uh I figure that might come in handy. You have to banish them away. If something comes from hell, you can banish it back to hell and it can't come back. But I can also banish it. You could banish me, but I would pop back here. Was it after a minute? After a minute.

Something like that. But you'd be probably realm then. Yeah. It takes yeah, a concentration of up to a minute. What if you find out that I'm not from this realm because you banish me and I don't know. We could certainly find that out in a creative way. By doing it. Otherwise, I've also got black tentacles. Just squirming ebony tentacles that fill a twenty foot square on ground that you can see within range. I didn't know we'd bring our sex toys to this game. Well I am, I'm bringing my

my massive tentacles. A twenty foot cube of tentacles. Yeah, so they can basically cause bludgeoning damage um and it'd be great a great weapon to whip out. Does what does that do? Does it hurt people or does it like hinder them? So it says when a creature enters the affected area for the first time on a turn or becomes stupendously aroused. On a dexterity saving throw or take three D six bludgeoned by it. So, it's a little bit of a little and hurts. So that inspired yeah, so the uh the

The nautical theme. I could do something with that. Tentacles. Uh memory. There's also hallucinary um terrain. Lucanatory. So I could like turn a pond into like a level ground and then enemies enemies can fall into and we laugh at them. It would be literally just a funny little thing. Or it could be a deathly pit that goes

Continuously down and then grass it over. We certainly could. So I can create that I think that only lasts well it's a twenty four hour twenty four hour so we could set up a big old trap somewhere. Yeah. What if we go to the horn and then change the ocean into land and they're a sixty foot cube in range? So that gives us an illusion which we can use. Uh polymorph. The other one I've gone for. Um the spell transforms a creature that you can see within range into a new form.

Uh an unwilling creature must make a wisdom saving throw. So uh I think the the downside is they get the intelligence of whatever creature you turn'em into. They get the stats. If you turn a person into a chicken, they are the as smart as a chicken for that period. I mean oh yeah, but what about all the upsides?

Think of the upside. You could lay your own eggs. Lay an egg. Oh I'm hungry, I'm gonna polymorph myself into a chicken and lay my own egg. What happens if a polymorphed chicken lays an egg and then turns back? Do you keep the egg? The egg, I would say, turns into sperm. Uh oh. Whatever the c other creature is. The shell stays the same, then you crack it and inside it's just jisper.

Uh uh I've also got stone skin. Yep. That's yeah. Uh this spell turns the flesh of a willing creature you touch as hard as stone. Until the spell ends, the target has resistance to non magical bludgeoning, piercing and slashing damage. I figured I could make one of you guys hard. That'll be good. That'll be good.

It looked interesting. Watery sphere is the other one. They are, yeah. Um you can conjure up a sphere a sphere of water with a five foot radius at a point you see within range. Uh it can hover but no more than ten feet. Uh and I think people are gonna get sucked into it, I believe. Oh really? It's got some uh it restrains as many as four.

Oh, yeah. Medium or smaller creatures or one large creature. You can be stuck in that sphere. Restrains a creature that causes it to exceed this capacity a random creature that was already restrained by the sphere, falls out of it and lands prone in a space where it falls. Yeah. I'm very smart now, so I'm called those ideas. You can be advisory. You watery sphere some people on land, right? Yeah yeah.

Then you create a hallucinogenic terrain around them of an entire ocean. So it's like they can't possibly escape. They're certainly it's certainly gonna mess with their heads. They wouldn't even try to get out of the sphere because they wouldn't know where the sphere ends. Well it's good you mentioned that because I also have modified memory. Uh so you attempt to reshape another creature's memories. He's a wizard. Uh that's why I have so many spells.

Uh so I can attempt to reshape another creature's memories. Uh more specifically I feel like we could either just be like in a tight engagement with someone and then BAM they forgot why they're there or maybe they just you know th they left the oven on. And they gotta rush back. Oh my god. Oh god, the oven. Oh the oven. Oh the oven. I've gotta go. That's what they say every time. Or maybe they just forget they were even born.

I don't know. Too fair, I forgot I was even born. I think there are limits. I think that doesn't really make any difference to anyone's current standings. No. Do you remember being born? Yeah. Weird. That's that's a gift. No. Is it a gift or a gift? Really, really drama shit flume. I remember my nose being caught. Imagine if you had like That's why babies come out crying. Um the final one here is telekinesis.

I'll just you know. Which is just a bit casual, telephones at up to ten minutes. You gain the ability to move or manipulate creatures or objects by thought. Creatures as well. Yeah. Just make them like kinda slap themselves. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. I don't know if that actually causes damage, maybe you can, I don't know. I think you move the whole thing. Yeah. I feel like it's more like a move them out of the way and it's like. I mean I guess I'm not sure.

Maybe they'll be able to hit them so I mean yeah, you're just locating the telekinesis on their hand. And then they have a long description. I just didn't want to read it all. I just thought telekinesis sounds pretty cool So that's what I've got and now I just I need to kinda like cherry pick between like the fifty options I have here of spells.

Complicated, good for a new player. Uh all those things aren't necessarily available. Uh um at once. Kapipi. Pick what you want to prepare. Give us the cliff notes. So K Pee P the the ultra cliff notes is he leveled up. From five to nine. Nice. There you go. Uh I've I stated him into a little bit of a little bit more strength and then a little bit more charisma, which is where I've really been going with him since the beginning.

To the point where he's now plus twelve persuasion, plus twelve performance. He's amazing. His care charisma is uh eighteen plus four. Uh and also his hit points are up at seventy five, so he's like a tank compared to these two. And what's your A C?

Uh seventeen. Right, okay, nice. If you go inside your shi in your shell you get a plus to A C as well. Do I? How do I know what how much that's in? Features and traits, I believe. Features and traits. When you withdraw inside your shell, you get bonus to A C.

Oh, I wish I knew that. Basically it's a defence. But let's say you bait a load of them to wail on you. You go inside your shell making it a twenty one to beat for them to even do damage to you. Yeah, it's some sort of taunt ability it's like Force them to fight you. And then you've got 75 health for them to get through. If Titus dropped stone skin on you, you'd have resistance to bludgeoning and piercing, so it would do half damage.

You'd just be like trying to beat up a large boulder. However, because I've stated that direction, I'm not great at fighting. Well, having said that, I've got some new spells. Uh so I've got mislead. Means I can become invisible uh at the same time that an illusory illusory. Double a double of myself appears basically. And I control either one, I guess, and just Oh I sneak. So you make a illusory dupe of yourself and you go invisible. I go invisible. So I can either sneak off or send that out.

But you have to flip between which sensors you're going to do. the the fake version of me, then I don't have my own sense so I could be absolutely blind. I could be blind and deaf to myself. Uh I got modified memory, which I think is what you can watch yourself wank from a different perspective. That's a really good idea.

That's why I love D D. Different perspective. Okay, that's interesting to explore. Modify memory, which I think uh Titan's got as well. Yeah. Yeah, you both you guys are just the memory right police. Yeah. Um so it's basically men in black. Phew. Yeah, yeah. Basically.

Um synaptic static I got as well, which is a Oh yeah, I know this one. If you wanna describe it a little bit more than Psychic damage basically. It's it's an area of a the people in a twenty foot radius of a sphere gets hurt basically. And then I got teleportation circle.

I draw a ten foot diameter circle on the ground inscribed with signs that link it to another location. And we did kind of discuss that maybe we could homebrew it a little bit where of where I could put a portal down somewhere like say it's on the ship. And then we're out and about and I could link those two together to jump in to get back.

'Cause I think technically you're supposed to just have two points in the world that the DM will tell me that I know that I can choose to teleport to, but maybe I can if if Smith will let me I'll be able to put What space like a portal gun. Yeah. This is this is Star Stargate Universe, the a ship with Stargate on it. You've had a month. I think you know, he could have spent the time making working on that teleportation circle. And I think that's a good time to start proper.

Um I think that that's a good bit of information uh to to begin with, if that's okay. Billa! Oh wait. They can't forget Billow. There you go, Billy. What about don't forget your your staff and bird calls as well. Oh, we do have the staff of bird calls. Okay, right. Oh wait, do I have that or do you Yeah I think you've got that. There's also the expanding call. Just double check what's in my inventory. Pole of collapsing and staff of bird calls.

That's it, two sticks I've got. Oh yeah, the pole of collapsing, yeah. We've only used the pole of collapsing once I think. I'm guessing I don't have twelve K anymore. I've spent a lot of that on the ship. Mm-hmm. Is that all gone? Counters the pole of collapsing. Does it? It was nine K plus three Kray reason. Delete that gold. We still have whatever's left though. We still have six hundred and sixteen left. There we go. That was the request.

previously from a lot of people asking about what happened in level ups so there you go. We've recorded it and broadcast it. You now know roughly what's happened uh for those people that enjoyed that. So without further ado, let us continue in a more formatted way. Stone skin. Stone skin, I'm hard. A month has passed since our heroes chose their ship.

Hauled from the water and out into Dry Dock, the highly skilled artisans of Amira Oakhart's famous shipyard work day and night in shifts to craft this wonder of naval design. They take to the wood, the sails, to the iron, and ply their trade. They saw, stitch, and hammer, and the bones of the ship sing in return. It becomes clear to those working on this project that this may be may become a famous triumph for their collective of artisans, and they take special care with every step.

Meanwhile, our brave adventurers have had their own skills to sharpen.

They begin their month-long wait to depart the isle by spending the first week making good on their promises. Sword is doing grandad duty for a week. I'm sitting my knee in my head. Titus is mummy and Kapipi is son. Like a word that's original. Like to be breastfed, son. Mummy.

Bitty. Is that what we would do? Whole week of it. This is what you were doing, yeah. So just give us a this is good. You're giving us a glimpse of how this week went. How young was I role playing? How long would you how young would you like to? Baby. Baby age. Bitty. Oh no. I was breastfeeding. You were breastfeeding? He was just desperately clinging at my nipple and nothing was happening. Well I mean you could use the new spell of on more.

Using polymorph, you could polymorph yourself some some lactating breasts. Yeah. If you like. So I didn't so I learned that immediately, like the week the first week. Yeah, let's say that you guys all went on a crash course, you hit the books hard. Of course you're level nine now. I polymorph my body, but with m humongous boobs. Okay.

Milky breasts that just fed both of you, in fact. The Grando couldn't stop himself. Stevie, you put on a bit of weight because of the richness of this milk. For God's sake. This is what a weird thing to make to. He's been a hungry boy. What a role playing. He's so full of milk. Okay. Oh his shell's getting tight because of how chub he's got it.

I've filled my loins with shit again. You're gonna have to clean me up. Titus once again roleplays shitting himself. My bad sword. Sorry, sword, my bad. It's been a while. Unless you do shit yourself. Yeah, probably. Seeing Flagan cleaning up for for Sword. Uh Titus and Kapipi. Kapipe's is really messy though because of the amount of milk he's necessary. It's a very weird week. Yeah, it's it was a weird week. But Flagum was very satisfied and you leave his home

Um his sh his shopslash home, he lives above his shop and he's very happy with with what you've done. Thank you. Thank you. You've really honoured your promise. Um Titus, you don't need to have the boobs anymore if you don't want the brilliant. Well I'll yes I'll act I I I don't need these. Polly milk doesn't taste real. No. It was real enough. Of course. Yeah. Cafe's not looking forward to going back to having to eat solid food.

Um after being This is so much easier not having to chew, especially when you ain't got teeth. Although you've had a doesn't have teeth. You went cold turkey on uh those Turtles, didn't you? Baby turtles. You haven't had that for a whole week. Oh, don't say it. Now I want it. Maybe we can blend it up. Breast pumps all week.

I'm exhausted. Titus is happy for his nips to take a break, you know, like they are they're so tender. They're so the polymorph spell runs out, even though it normally lasts like I'm not ready to drop character, Master Flagan. You have to. You have to become less old now. I admire your commitment.

to your promise and um uh honestly, if you ever get tired of adventuring, perhaps you could be offer this as a service to people. Maybe more people would be interested in having a a highly real and extremely committed multi-generational family experience. Yes. I can see many people being family fillers we'll call ourselves. Family fillers the way we stuck to our roles. It's as if we've been watched by an audience. Yeah. But we it was just us three in a room. Just us.

And you and you walk you walk out. Some of the stuff you may all need to do. I mean one really traumatic night you're like, There's gotta be a spell. We snap it. I can learn. I don't remember Tuesday at all. You don't want to remember it. Oh. Um This is a fall. Have you had a fall? Have we all had some sort of hub. Fall. Uh

Um so because of this you each get um inspiration, which is something I haven't used yet, but essentially you can now add an advantage to one of your roles of your choice. One. This is because you come away feeling like you've actually learned a lot about yourself. That you feel that that commitment and that honing of of of your sort of um family values, let's call it, as a team.

has has has really improved. You've been through some stuff. I've developed a poo kink. Swords developed poo kink, which then had to be modified memoried out of his mind. Get the distinct suspicion that there are s sort of suspicious blank spots in your memory.

Um you, Titus and Kapipi both know this was how you learn, you know, you together you worked together and worked out this modify memory spell. Titus discovered it in a book and um you've been practicing on the sly, basically on sword. And one particularly traumatic time sword had, you did him the um favour of blanking out. Have you seen Tubgirl? Yes. You caught me doing that. You caught him pooping on himself in a fountain. Um

Anyway you leave my breasts out. What is going on? In here. The smell alone. You're writhing around in it. This is ridiculous. Get in there and breastfeed. Right now. And Kipe's uh just like like your cradling is already under. This is occasionally. Uh Titus used polymorph to shrink you down to like a much younger, small little baby, but with your full size K pee pee head. Oh wow. But the body was shrunk down to that of a baby turtle. Okay.

Really weirdly got very large breasts. Yeah, huge. So you're just nestled in there loving it. Feel like we're all a lot closer. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's horrible really. Saw's had to seriously detraumatise himself. Uh you After this week.

Head down to Amira Oakhart's shipyard. Here you work in a much more serious manner with uh the various artisans that make up uh the shipyard staff. They range from carpenters to more intricate, magical um specialists, artificers, much like sword. help to work ingenious devices and magically enhanced features into your ship. Your ship, of course, was the sort of clipper-style ship. It's a it's uh used to be used as a blockade runner, also considered a Corvette. It's fast.

fairly lightweight, fairly small, um, but it's designed for um utility speed. Uh it it's it's a good ship. Uh and it's been made Significantly better by the team at this shipyard. The design and shape of the ship has changed quite drastically. Uh Different features that you work with the artisans to increase uh improve and to add. This was based on your suggested upgrades, which I will briefly list so people get a quick overview of the kind of things we can expect on this ship.

First and foremost I've got on my list of requested upgrades. Cage for Kevin. Um of course there's a brig slash secure storage section on the bottom deck of the ship in its hold. This is where you can both Keep Kevin, um and any particular valuables that you want locked up within a metal cage. You know, often ships would store

Some of the more valuable treasures, things that they don't want the whole crew having access to. Of course you are the only real crew at this point. There's Kevin. Kevin's in a hole anyway. I don't know why we need a Because they're they're it's nice to have yeah, it's true. It's nice to have them. Because they're artisans, I feel like there's a couple times where we threw out their designs.

Because they were too nice looking. Right, okay. And then we're like, no, more prison like. More prison like. Right, yeah. They're more industrial. Yeah, stop making it look fancy, stop adding the filigree, like industrial. Real real cost saving exercises. This is about uh Making the right choices. Spinning alloy discs on the outside of the ship.

This was a feature that you requested of the artisans. They kind of made um their they did their best with this idea. They essentially put four large alloy um armoured discs On the outside of the hull of the ship, on the left and the right hand side. Now these can be spun.

From the inside the crew can push the disc out onto a sort of spinning bracket. So you do have the spinning, but largely they're held in position to give you essentially metal armor, a little bit like the City by the Seas ship. Uh you you took that design, you used some of the metal that you've um acquired. Uh but in between those four discs on each side are small holes. Unfortunately our artist Casper has been very busy, so he hasn't managed to do anything yet, but uh trot very

proficiently and very quickly managed to throw a design together earlier today. Gives you the rough idea of the sort of thing we're looking at. So uh these cannons, as you can see, are smaller than average. That means Which cannons? They are just between those big large discs. Uh now the visual aid for podcast listeners. Okay, so on the gun deck, which is the first floor below the top deck, uh there are special compact cannons that fire a smaller than average shot.

However, they make up for their smaller size, um like smaller size balls. The the balls they shoot are around the size of a golf ball by having a rotating cylinder of four chambers attached to the rear of the cannon. So imagine like a revolver. um chamber. They have four balls. These this allows the user to quickly fire four rounds on a single pass. So whereas you'd come alongside a target, you can fire the first shot, rotate, fire the second shot, rotate.

They're also made from a uh special kind of alloy, which is stronger than the average cannon, meaning that you can overcharge each shot. So whilst these are small balls, they fire with incredible speed and power, meaning they penetrate harder. They they're designed for penetration.

Um they will whip through a uh a ship. They'll go from inside through and through sometimes, meaning that you can absolutely devastate the crew of ships without dealing a huge amount of damage to the hull. Uh quite useful if you ever wanted to take over a ship. Uh The um finally these light cannons are also on a metal swivel arm that allows uh the operator to adjust the angle of their shot without needing the ship to move.

So it allows them to be more accurate also. I guess like a 180 degree angle, right? Yeah, yeah, exactly. To it not quite one eighty, probably more like a ninety degree, but uh but it allows them to be much more accurate. And they kind of shoot each other. No, no they cannot, no. Uh Uh so this is the special gun deck that's been designed. Equally, the metal discs give um good defense for the crews to make sure that they don't take a uh a r return cannonball and devastate them.

Also, on this design is Kapipi's Stage. Now, this is a big part of the ship. They have the rear top deck of the ship. is uh not only houses the the wheel um to pilot the ship, uh but also a special platform um designed with Kapipi in mind. that uh has built-in wooden cones. So if you ever seen an amplifier made of wood for perhaps a phone in real life. Basically the design of the deck, this is obviously showing you some cones and trumpet like things, but the deck itself actually has

uh conical shapes built into it so that when Kapipi plays on his stage area, his music is amplified naturally through these these wooden cones. Great acoustics through that wood. Exactly, meaning people can um hear his songs and hear his performance. Not only that, Bob and Nobb special light boxes have been integrated into the deck.

These not only could be used to create a disco-like environment, both on the soundstage and on the lower deck below for parties, they can also be angled in a way that projects light and designs up onto the sails. The sails acting as a giant projector screen. Movies. Exactly. Or just to intimidate your foes as you approach. You can change the colour of your ship's sails.

Uh not only that, there is a stage detachment system built in. So ultimately, um if Titus ever wants to levitate or telekinesis a platform, um Kapipi could be levitated up on this to further uh Improve the show, let's say. Well it's traveling show. The horn has been the horn that you guys saw salvaged from the the boar fight you did recently has been placed onto the front of the ship. Great for raiding and smashing into things. Below that was the requested

Functional Iron Maiden. Uh the Titus asked for on the front of the ship. On the front. It acts not only as your figure head, but also as a way to torture individuals. when you want to strap them to the front of a moving ship inside an iron prison. On top of this, there are rooms in the rear hull. Um there's the captain's quarters on the main deck, which is uh much like similar designs of other pirate ships. You can go inside there, there's tables, there's chairs for you.

It is three stories. Well, so you have the top deck. Uh you have the forecastle or the uh No, I wanna you know the captain's quarters. Yeah. On that whole back of the ship. Yeah. The three stories to be the captain's quarters. No. Okay. Uh that design just wouldn't work. Um I don't know In there is the tables with some all of your valuables and other things, sort of plans. Uh there's also

Kapipi has helped design a small teleportation circle in the back of the captain's quarters. This is only big enough or sort of about five, six people to uh comfortably teleport to. It's not as big as say ones you might find in temples or other official sites. Uh wizards, colleges often have their own teleportation circuits built into them. But the artisans work very hard alongside Kapipi to work out a way and this is very um

sort of high technology for the magical world, you've managed to create a mobile teleportation circle. It has an arcane focus built into the floorboards which allows you to magically tune your teleportation spell. Uh to allow you to teleport onto the ship itself within the captain's uh quarters.

Below that, on the um at the back of the gun deck, and below that again on the bottom floor where you had the uh the brick or the secure storage area, um, are your rooms. Now the final feature they managed to integrate, which was highly requested. uh was of course the glass bottom for the bedroom. So as you step into your bedroom huge defensive nightmare.

Oh it is and I I mean God help you if your enemies realise that the bottom of your ship is made of glass. Or we ever run onto some shore. Absolutely, absolutely. It's hidden below below the water line. Um so the waterline comes just below the gun deck.

So obviously the bottom um We need the crew to swab it for algae and build up every day. Every day. And and I mean obviously titles would be good at this being a tri and you can get under there and press the digitation in the glass, keep you nice and clean. Sorry? Busy being a captain. Well you all three of you are technically captains. Uh it's reinforced glass, I hope. It's reinforced glass, absolutely. It's very thick, tempered glass. Uh but yeah, as you sleep and we'll

But push against it and it'll be fine. Yeah. Oh you can jump up and down, you can drop things on it. This is sugar glass then. It's not sugar glass. No, we decided it's not in water. The the other sounds looked at that as an option and went, Oh, this would be the worst option, sugar glass. Um

They tried it, they lowered it and then suddenly it just melts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it just melts away. Uh no, they've chosen really high quality magically reinforced glass. This stuff is tough but not super tough. Like you say, you run around you run aground on rocks, there's a chance it could damage it. Uh but it is below the waterline, so it's not obvious. There a lot of trade secrets are held by the uh the Folker Amira Oakhart's shipyard.

So a lot of the secrets of your ship will stay safe. You know, no nobody's gonna know those glass bottoms. You have each have individual keys to your bedrooms. um which you can design and lay out as you will. There's not very much space, only enough space for single beds, obviously it's not a huge ship, so you have single beds that fold up against a wall to give you maximum space. But there is the glass bottom.

Uh anyway, this is is your ship. You now need to come up with a name for it. Oh boy. Look at that ship. Shippy ship mc ship. We have done a great job there. God it's just got everything we could ever want. Yeah. The horn, the spinners. The glass bottom is fantastic engineering part. What about the stage though? Imagine the shows we could put on in the middle of the ocean. Like we could it's it could be like a an outdoor cinema but for music, you know, ships pull up, they can

What should we call this? Beautiful Does need name. Deserves larger than life. What about the little clipper? The little clipper. Just throwing it in there, uh next year. Well so what did you have before? You had um the Fat Duck was the original name, I believe. Clumsy goose is what we did. The Clumsy Goose is what you came up with. So this is a ship that is Magically advanced, it's competent, it's far. It is um

The ship of you three famous adventurers. You know, you've got a musician, you've got an artifacer, you've got a wizard. Like what are you gonna get you wanna go out and earn your fortune. Right. Okay, so the other ships you had in this world were called things like fortune's graph. Um you've got uh the Turgid Tiger. Exotic. I was just gonna say a good ship. Ah, a good ship. The unsinkable good ship. The unsinkable good ship. The unsinkable good ship. The UGS. What about the friendship?

There's literally one of those Do you write your own lyrics? I come up with stuff for songs, yeah. Crystal's friendship. Mm. Come on, keep thinking. Come on, turge. Three creative minds, I'm sure you can come up with this. You're very smart now. Got intelligence of 17. Obviously it's gotta board it's gotta bore this way up. In case it sinks and it's upside down. There's a big arrow. This way up. It doesn't roll off the tongue, does it? It doesn't doesn't

Strike fear in our enemies or joy enough. We do wanna we don't wanna draw too much attention to us'cause we don't want people to know there's a glass bottom and all this. So what if we say This ship doesn't have a glass bottom. Totally wooden ship. Full transparency. This is just a normal ship, no magic. Uh I wish I'd have spent more time thinking about what this could have been called. Yeah, I was really into the baby roleplay for a long time. After Kevin? The horny succubus. Horny succubus.

What does that mean? Well what's a succubus? Succubus is kind of like a devil like creature that's uh Got a lot of foreplay. Right, what does horny mean? Horny means... Sexy, horny horned like a horned creature you've seen. Oh yeah, I've got a lot of things. The horny toe. A musical theme could be in there. Arena. Yeah. So like the O two. We could get a sponsorship and just call it like Turtle Bay. Turtle Bay. And get it branded up. Fully branded. What about baby turtle? What about?

What's Wembley? Just a nice name, isn't it? It just rolls off Oh man. So you've got like a tusk on the front of it, you've got a bore. We do a performance, we've got to do it. We call it the thrusting bore or the uh try and think of like, you know Names that sound like they might be on shape. What about the raw dog noun and then an adjective? Like we had the clumsy goose. The jagged tusk. What about the raw dogger? That's it, we're going to roll Dr. White.

And we've got a glass bottom, so in a in a we are raw dogging it to You could just call it the Raw Dog. The raw dog. Raw Dog. To the raw dog. Yes. Woof. I like the raw dog. Yep. Okay. The raw dog. Dog of the sea? Medium done. Raw dog.

Let's raw dog it. We c we can put slogans under it as well, which can change. We always change the name. I mean the stories that people will say when they come across the raw dog will tell themselves. You know, the dog is the dog of the sea, the It's just the tusked dog.

Yeah. To see the all the horny raw dog. Yeah, the horny raw dog. The dog dick red raw dog. Yeah. It's a lot of play with that. Yeah. The raw dog. The raw dog has been christened. Well, has anyone got a champagne bottle or something?

We need to smash it on the side of the boat, don't we, or something like that? Oh I thought that was like celebrate. As the raw dogs uh sits atop the uh the sort of uh launching jetty uh before it moves from their workshops down into the waiting water. of the small harbour attached to the shipyard. Uh It waits proudly on runners. All it takes is the chopping of a piece of rope and it'll slide down into the water. You are given a big old bottle of bubbly to smash against it.

And uh if any of you would like to uh smash the bottle and cut the rope, the ship will slide down into the water. C Pee, would you like to smash? I'd love to smash. Get smashed. I'm gonna smash this bottle. Do we do it before we cut the rope? It's time to raw dog smash. Yeah. Okay, do I have do I have it on the bit of rope that I swing into the ship or am I just literally You can hold it, I think, yeah. What about the glass? Anyone got T towel?

Honestly, you you are in control of your own body. I don't wanna have to use any of my sp spells on you today. No, I didn't smash. Roll the hit? Didn't smash. Roll the hit. The waves uh. They're really gonna have to get out before the tide really blows seven everything away. Uh bounces off at first. Oh god I've seen this before, this could take a. It's quite a big bottle. It's like a magnum, yeah, yeah. He swings again. Roll the hit.

Doesn't quite break. I'm thinking of the drain a little bit. I can't. I'm gonna tr I'm gonna do like a um the hammer throw where they spin around. Spin it, spin it, look at us. Nineteen now. Boom, it smashes and breaks a c uh b upon the bow of the ship. Uh Can I have shot it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't know, sit in the background. Uh sword has managed to pop it up. Oh you did it, Gabiti!

People nearby cheer. A lot of a crowd has gathered to see the launching of this glorious new ship. Everyone pull glass out of hands. As it's sliding. Down the ramp and into the water. Um congratulations, you've launched the raw dog, your ship. There are only uh there there are two last tasks for you to uh undertake. The first of which is mainly aimed at sword. Sword in front of you stands six.

I'm heavily hung over. Automatons. Okay. These are standing at about four and a half feet each. They're slightly smaller than uh the average humanoid. Uh they are wooden and metal in construction with a glowing gemstone heart. Now, these are special crew that have been built. There are six of them. One for each of the guns on the gun deck. They can also perform other things within the ship, but they were made with that in mind.

These are created to help you crew the ship and crew the gun deck. Uh sword, you've been instructed by the other artificers. Uh you've helped to make these as well. They will um essentially work under all of your commands, but sword knows how to maintain them. Occasionally they perhaps might need uh bit of TLC, bit of oiling, bit of greasing, which of course is That's my go-to. That's my WD forty. A famous greaser. Um

This they stand folded slightly but at attention waiting for you to give them the command to hop up onto the ship. I'm inspecting them all, like walking up and down, kinda like a drill sergeant. Yeah. They're perfect, they're gleaming, they're brand new, the the wood has been freshly oiled, the metal is is greased nicely. Check one of their arms out, give it their elbows a good like bend. Yeah, everything seems ship shape. Woohee. Uh Right then. All of you. Look at me.

It they kind of turn their the so so the the design of these is imagine the skeleton, the bones of them are made of metal, uh and uh the the head, the chest, the legs and the arms all have like a a lovely teak. uh oiled wood um in very blocky shapes. So you know they don't really have much in their their hands are sort of like claws.

Like a very simple uh they've got a thumb style plate and two other large plates that sort of do that. Nice. They're close. Like Lego hands. Yeah, like a Lego hand, but with an extra like finger. A joint in the middle. Yeah. uh and their their shoulders and arms. They look a bit like um have you seen the wood skin for Bastion from Overwatch? He's got like a natural wood skin, like there's a bit like that, you know, so uh yeah, they're they're they're like robots made of steel and wood.

Can I retroactively, when I went to the person to work with these designs, have summoned a homuncular servant. Right. Which is like a hand sized version of this big design. Okay. And what I'm gonna do is when I'm not in control of the automatons, I've programmed this tiny homuncular servant to be a full blown, like really harsh drill sergeant. Yeah, sure. So he's kinda like the intermediary Yep. Ruler of these guys. Okay. Who just barks orders, but he's like

Chin height. Yeah. Well also tiny. What you've got is like um it's an old lantern. That you've like gutted out. Nice. That has like a little s platform in there for him. It's like it's a little house. Yeah. Tinkerbell. On the gun deck. It's literally Tinkerbell. On the gun deck, there's like a hook in the center of the on the ceiling that you can just put him there so he can see everyone.

and control the gun deck, you know, shouting orders whilst whilst that's happening. So yeah, okay, great. So they um they take your homunculus from you and carry themselves and the homunculus Up down to the ship and they jump on and they go down on the gun deck and then they just get into their sort of storage positions in the gun deck. There's six of them, yeah. They've got names?

Guess we can name them on the while we they don't have names at the moment. Unit one through six is what they are at the moment. Yeah, they've got their factory settings right now, but we could give them names. Right. Uh yeah, let's do that at some point. We'll feed all that to our first mate when we hire them. And then we'll get them to sort out all the program. It it takes ages. Guys.

We do need a captain's hat or three. We might need some captain hats. Are we putting one? Are we gonna get one hat that has like three Holes holes in it. So we also stand. So we'd we can stay attached. Or at all times. Are we gonna get like detachable hats that can unify? Maybe they're gonna be. I think the detachable ones that can unify it's like. Why do they need to be unified at any point? Just when we sleep.

You're not seeing the sleeping arrangements. No. I thought we were in seven. We sleep in one large, very large bed. Yeah. That all three of us had. But we keep the captain's head on. The hat stays on. Well of course. Like I'd expect the hats. Okay, so what's it? So we want we want three separate hats that can just interlock when we stay. Like little puzzle pieces.

Yeah, okay, so you've got interlocking hats. Have we got that? Did anyone order that from the artisans? Like they've thrown that in or something like that. I didn't mention it, but I I'm gonna I've been so drunk this week. So what do they look like when they're like individual and what do they look like when they're one? So I imagine two of our hands.

have like curved sides and a flat side and the person in the middle has two flat sides. Imagine imagine this hat but like literally cut in the middle. Yeah. Yeah. Like one has the like the front trihorn and the other two have the side trihorns. So damn. Is that in there? Will we find that in the captain's quarters on the other? You you've gone to like a tailor or something and had this weird hat that sits under this velvet.

Oh it is driving on Wait, who's gonna be the middle one? Who's gonna be the side one? I don't know. I feel like the middle one should probably be maybe Kapipee in terms of size. Oh, it makes sense, it makes sense. I'll hug a shell at night. All at once. Clip on the bank. Three, two, one Oh it's such a snugger. I have to go on my tiptoes a little bit. Yeah, he's big, he's a big guy. Yeah. I wanted to come up with a name for your homunculus at some point as well.

Um Okay great. So you got the influence. Doctor feel good. Dr. Feel good. He's got a song. Does the monculus just last? Is it just something you always have? Dunno. How's it work, Drop? I'll look it up whilst uh also can I the the whole teleportation circle thing, I'm just filling in a little bit of d detail here. Yeah. Whilst setting it up, uh sword exploits this for the next Three weeks. of the month, um by He writes on his body, if found,

teleport to and then the code word for the ship. Okay. And I just use that to get absolutely sloshed. Every night and then I somehow end up teleported back to the ship. The one or two that only works one or two times because like that requires a wizard. Someone who can actually create a teleportation circle. So I can just teleport him back. You could, yeah. But then you could just carry him.

You know where you're going. But anyway, yeah, you c you got that tattooed in your chest, no problem. You were a baby during this time. Um What one other thing um you need to do is You need to hire a first mate.

Oh so much like dinky doinkers, you guys uh will have a first mate. The autom tons can do some of the crewing for you, definitely. However, it's prudent to hire a first mate who uh is an expert on the sea, on the ocean, um, and you have three candidates. Ready for interviewing when you when you feel like it. How did they know we're advertising? Do we put posters up? Yeah. Yeah. So in the three weeks you've been do after you did um, you know, the roleplay of the family roleplay.

You uh uh went out on some sailing lessons, you were t taught how to operate the ship, operate some of its parts, you also um put out some ads for First mates. Um now typically because you are rich. ship people, you've bought your own ship. You want to be captains of your own ship.

You don't want to have to go through all of the rig and roll of being, you know, on cruise, learning over the years it takes that requires to learn how to properly operate a ship. So instead you're gonna you're gonna hire an expert that you can boss around. Right. And that is your first mate. So would you the the the three have turned up for their for their interview. Once you're happy with everything, you can go back inside the shipyard uh building um and find uh the three.

Candidates waiting. Do we bring them onto the ship to the captain's quarters? We sit behind the captain's table and it's like an infra job interview kind of like it's the X factor on the dock on the deck. Bring him in. So send in the first candidate. Okay, so you find yourself on the ship, you walk down the deck. Inside. You step uh onto the ship um and you walk into the sumptuous captive carriage.

The captain's cabin is located on the top deck of the ship at the rear, behind the forecastle or the forecastle the which is the the raised area at the back. on top of which has Kapipi's uh stage. Underneath is where your captain's quarters are. Inside you have a beautiful round table made of uh the finest wood uh with uh three seats with cushions. Uh you sit behind the table. And uh outside, uh the staff of the shipyard, bring down your three candidates.

The first candidate walks in through the door. Please take a seat. Yep, thank you very much. What's your name? Where are you from? Oh my friends call me Handsome Andy and uh he's not handsome at all. He is he's got a mess of a face. You know, one of his eyes is much bigger than the other. Um his skin is muffled, scarred and burnt. Um he's Coyooker isn't he? He has patchy bits of hair still, where hair still grows um in tufts on the top of his head. One of his ears is missing.

Um or at least a bit of uh ear remains, but it's largely been what looks like ripped or chew off. Um and yeah, he's he's Ant Samandy. Um yeah I've I've I've um I've been uh working on ships now for quite a while. Uh I can tell you everything. I can show you what a rope is, I can show you what a sail is.

can show you what the sea is show you what's wet what's dry um i've been looking for a job last one um the ship exploded uh so um i've just been recuperating on the gold tooth aisle i feel pretty good now well in myself And I think I want to um get back out there. Um what would you like to know? Any questions? You look a little accident prone.

Well, I did my best, but the previous captain well we got into the business of gunpowder transport. Right. And the problem of gunpowder transport Slippery slope in it. It's dangerous. It is extremely dangerous and uh it was both a uh we got into the gunpowder and we also got into the candle transporting um business.

Which uh You didn't put them in the same storage. No, but one time um some some customers came on board and they wanted a demonstration um of candles. They were looking to buy candles. Um then you wanted four candles. Only four? Yeah. Or candles. Why did they handles that? Why do they want handles for forks? We don't need handles forks. That's what we said. And there was a there was a there was a conversation about it, a disagreement. And um fortunately the ship exploded.

I was um below deck at the time sleeping in my hammock and yeah the whole thing went up. I had to swim three miles. It's not looking good actually in terms of just Safety record. It wasn't my fault. Sure. It wasn't my fault. I was asleep. Well that's that's probably part of the problem. But anyone die everyone died. I was a sole survivor. So you won't um and I I I swam my way in three miles swim. That's not bad. Three miles, come on. We were moored off the coast.

I swam into the Gold Tooth Oil, collapsed on the beach, and then I was nursed back to health. Uh and I'm happy to say that I want to get back out there. I want to get back out there. I I say get back on the horse. In this case, that horse is a boat. Alright The bit of back and forth here. Let's throw you into like a a scenario and just see how you would deal with that sort of thing. Yeah. Alright, so so Kapee P he's woken up. That's him.

And it's been rough seas. Rough seas. Captain's quarters. And you you hear the sound of Kapeepi struggling, he's stuck in his shell. And he's not in bed anymore. Oh, grease. I grease him. I I grease him. If he gets stuck in a shell, much like really I always like to carry a big pot, I got a big belt. He's got this belt on where he just has various pots of things. It doesn't look like a particularly comfortable belt'cause like it's literally got like full size ceramic pots just like

strapped to the outside of the belt. There's not it's not clever how he's done it. It's uh heavy ceramic shells. Inside you see what smells like beef dripping or some sort of um some some sort of uh like grease. And he goes, yeah, I get this and then just around the neck there, it popped the head right out, that

You know, coming out of the shell, no problem. And then if he gets stuck in his you say he's st stuck in his bed or his hammock or something? No, he's missing from his bed because the rough seas has thrown him out of bed. Ah, see then the other thing I get is a prying bar. So you wanna use leverage. The power of leverage. I'd get a ceramic pot, I'd put it underneath the prime bar, I'd lay a bar on top of it, I'd get one under the bar underneath him. And I lever it really hard, flip him up.

Off the ground, back into his hammock. Would you use an ore? Yeah, why not? I'd like to use a prime thing about ores is you want to be careful'cause they can be a bit sh they go you don't want to break an ore. Very valuable. But I can use an ore, yeah. Whatever you fancy. I'm glad you said that Leverage is very important. So how much would you pay to be a first mate?

Oh I'm I'm sorry, you're meant to be we're paying for this role. This is very prestigious. Well of course I'll try to utilize some leverage. I'll do a month's free first do you know so you can get to know me. I'll I'll work on this. Obviously you gotta feed me. Money back guarantee on that. Well tell you what, first month I'll do for free. Um and you you you gotta feed me, water me. Not like a plant. Uh um I'm trying to gauge something. It takes it to the face.

Ah, how did that how'd that feel? Is that the first meal? Well it's more of a case of your reactions were I wrote notes poor. Quite poor there. I just wanted to see whether you would actually catch it. Maybe you'd respond to something. Maybe potential gunfire. You didn't even flint you just it took it to the face. So he catches it in the face and he and he pulls a couple of of his teeth out. Wow.

Puts it in his pocket. That was just an apple. Your teeth are falling out. Yeah, I mean he's already like you know you see in his mouth it's already in pretty bad shape and like a lot of his teeth are already gone. You d you don't look fighting fit. Well I'm I'm healthy myself. You don't look fighting fit. Your tooth just came out. Yeah, but I just eat mashed food. I just eat mashed food. You eat mashed food only. Mashed food.

Okay. I'm fine, I'm fine. You know, dance is a little jig. Wow. He's really desperate. Do you know any do you know any jokes? That's another question I'd like to do. Any jokes? Yeah, do you know any jokes? We just like to ask the standards. What's your favourite joke? It give builds a character profile for us to know what kind of human What's a pirate's favourite letter? I don't know. You'd think it'd be R, but'tis a C I love. No.

Nice. That's actually not bad. That's a good one. He knows his jokes. Can you also on the perfor can can you perform under pressure? Oh yeah, I can, yeah, yeah. Bohemium Rhapsody, any of those? Um I'm not much of a singer. Right, okay. But I'm a hell of a dancer and he doesn't have the like really basic pressure though we're talking. Fifty thousands?

Okay, good. I was gonna say what depth? Yeah good. Yeah yeah yeah. Oh here we go. What about this ex uh experiment? So you you're in control of a there's a speeding train. Yeah. Now you can you can pull a lever to change directors two directions. On one path

Uh there's just us three. We're just stood there idly standing on the track. Unaware of a track. Quite quite ridiculous. On the other, twelve children. They're just playing on a track, having fun, having a great time. Which way do you go with that? Well you're my captain, so

Sorry, 12 kids are gone. Right answer. Right. You've got you now back to the top of the list. Come on. This is a good mentality. You are at the top of our list right now. I'm the first one in here out of everyone we've seen. Didn't even hesitate. You have acedist better than anyone we've seen. You know for the kids straight away. Handsome and you should leave this room feeling very confident that you definitely might not have the job but might also have it. Okay.

downside if I'm gonna be frank. Oh, wh while he's here and transparent while he's here. I think his appearance might be a bit distracting for the crew. We can't have anyone too much. I'm not uh you're saying in front of him. No, no, no.

And the automaton crew falling in love with you is what I'm trying to say. Right. Right. I'm more than willing to wear whatever disguise you want me to, really. People are gonna know. They're just gonna say, Or wear a bag on my head with holes cut out if you like. Okay, I like that one. You could find a wear that before it works a treat, the the old bag treat. Uh we'll be in touch.

Either with a a rejection letter or a letter of approval. Or we'll just shout down to the docks when we've seen the other two. Yeah. Yeah. If if honestly if you're not going to be able to show gutter traps, you should turn around, right? If you see the ship leaving. Yeah? There he is. Exactly. Whatever, I'm just really- I really want this job. Yeah. Yeah. Seascum! That's it, exactly. Amazing. He's good at nicknames, isn't he? If you see a ship leaving and you're not on it.

Just make the assumption. Make the make the logical leads no good. Make the job. I was gonna say make the assumption that we're coming back for you in the future and just wait around. Yeah, just wait for us. I'll wait on the dot then. But you already said your work for us for a month for free, so that's we should probably utilize that just for the sake of this. He's offering for free. He is. See what the other lot offer and then I'll see what you need to know.

I'd like to make it a little bit more.

Sure. I'd like to be n I'd like to be informed. Well if you don't mind seeing yourself. Okay. Right. So he leaves out, Ant Samandy wanders out, um, An Samandy's about. You know, average height for a human or a a human. Um medium builds. I was sorry, I forget. Just I'm just reminding him. Okay. Sorry, you remind him that you've probably bought some boobs that he's suffered from. And w you were the size of a baby for a bit. Um

Door closes and then door opens again. Steps in. Uh this again looks to be a human. Uh they're about six feet, five foot and a half feet tall, of medium to heavy build. They're in a long Waxed coat, and they have long dark hair obscuring most of their head and quite a lot of their face. Uh you uh they walk in, um kind of heavily. I wanna pull a gun on them. Okay. And shout, name five blue things in this room now.

Alright! You've got me! Put the gun down! I knew it. I uncock it and put it all straight. And he parts his hair. And in between you you notice a face. Oh my god. Oh my god, he's got a face. Wow, it's Tyrone, the guy that was in the in the stocks. He's tried to sneak into this interview. Son of a bitch, Tyrone. I am the son of a bitch! What are you strapped with? Check his body.

Someone. I can't remember how this guy spoke, uh which is kind of a problem. So I'm gonna change it up a bit. He's been, you know Alright. He's been tortured. I'm Taro! I got really ill. I got really ill when I got stuck in the stocks rages. Yeah, you were in the street. You, you don't remember? You pummeled me and Pooh! I was covered from head to toe in the d in the the detritus left from the bucket in my ship. You you come you the wizard and he and he tries to run towards you.

Modify memory. Can I do something? You wanna try and cast out of my memory? You cast it on and then what do you have to do to modify your memory? Any any any sort of blade? Saving throw for you, I think. of sixteen to beat. I'm not fighting the creature. Yeah, he just has to fail the wisdom. He fails. Okay, so you choose the memory. In a moment. So you you you cast. And they started pummeling me with shit, dog shit and horse shit.

And then I was just like, No, I'm trying to save you, Tyrone I uh yeah. And I unfortunately I was dragged away so I couldn't save your dead without the situation. You would have been de well, you would have been dead. I spoke to one of the top officers and they said they'd spare you, but you have to stay in there for a bit longer and get God we just modified I never expected to see him again. This is the thing. This is one of those things. I had to really pull out that.

What have you ever got that memory back? That would be modified. Okay, so it becomes incapacitated and charmed. He's going back in. So he goes he he jo he goes to he he pulls a blade, rushes towards you, and then you raise your hand and do this, and almost instantly his eyes go vacant.

And and it the arm drops and he's just sort of drooping, staring at you, as and and like he's obviously in a very receptive state now. While this charm lasts, you can affect the target's memory of an event they experienced within the last twenty-four hours. Okay. And you can permanently eliminate all memory of the event or allow so you need to create something that happened within the last twenty four hours. Well twenty four hours. Right, okay. There was a it's a full on redemption.

Alright, okay, so what is it what happened in these last twenty? And then I take him on a a walk down the beach. Okay. Um we enjoy an ice cream. From one of the local sellers. Turns out it wasn't ice cream. I'm not sure what it was. But it was edible. Is there a whole montage of them slipping wanting to kill you but then kind of an ice cream? Me doing nice things for him. Basically I s uh shower him with gifts.

Okay. Um obviously it's none of this actually up, but no, you know. I was with you guys. To him it's totally real. I was with those guys. But yeah, no, so he has now a lovable affinity with me and I've apologized. Was there any romance? A little bit of romance. We almost kissed. But was interrupted by a puppy that got in between our face at the time when I laughed off. Puppies. Uh so it was a very romantic moment. Um hopefully his thoughts of me have improved.

Flinging shit his way. Okay. And I also convinced him that I was I was poisoned by an elder. who made me throw shit at him which his why so my story was basically I was poison and then a spell was cast upon me. to fling shit maliciously towards a man who could not defend themselves. And so yes, it's A lot of gaslighting going on. It's a neat little bow. A lot of gaslighting. That's pretty much. There's a romance set aside. You communicate this.

And then he comes to again and the knife tucks back into his pocket and he drops to one knee and he's like Titus, my love! Oh, it's so good to see you again. I couldn't sleep all of last night after The things that went unsaid between us. Oh the things that went unsaid. I bought you a puppy! And then from underneath his jacket he he hands you a a little puppy. This one's got three eyes.

Wow, well why how did you find it? Well somebody was gonna drown it. It was part of a litter and they said they shouldn't have three eyes. But the three eyes seem to be functioning. The third eye, the head, it's it's sort of like a King Charles Spaniel, it's quite a small dog with quite a bulbous like forehead and head and already quite bulbous eyes. Um and one of the eyes is is poking out f between the sort of the curve of its eyebrows. Um and it looks up at you sweetly. And he hands it to you?

I couldn't bear for you to be away I heard you were leaving this morning, uh in the tavern whilst I was still drinking away, uh trying to d the quell these feelings that have sprung up inside me for you quite mysteriously. After you told me all about how you were cursed by an evil wizard to act so cruelly against me.

That wizard. I broke on I'm not typically a first mate. I was a quartermaster. But well I just thought I'd throw my hat in the ring for you to consider me. Oh if you will for this role. We will certainly ask you the correct question. What the fuck is going on? You don't need to know. I snuck in Shall I shoot him. Excuse me. Excuse the Don't shoot him. Excuse the the ha the the the hair. I don't know why I'm wearing this and he pulls off the wig and

For the side. Anyway, that other bloke leaving, you don't want him, surely. He looked horrific. So you're here for the first mate interview, is it? I'm here f Yeah. You alright? Got hiccups now. And how much is time because how much do you charge for like if you were like with a month? How much will that cost us? Well, if you could first make goes for, um, I don't know, a few gold a few gold a month, but do me Right. Five to ten gold. A month. A month. Would you do any months free?

Like could you could I do my worth. I've worked upon some of the finest shit. In the world. I was upon the fortune's grasp, a proud empirical ship. Oh, what happened? What happened there? Why how come you're not anymore? Well, he let me go. Um I I I m I I may have a inadvertently poisoned the crew and captain at one point. Nightmare. Why would you do such a th uh are we at risk if you Well you lot sold me that stuff and it was delicious and for some reason it went wrong.

Why you turning this around on us? No, no, it's not your fault. In an index. He's trying to blame us for horrible poisoning. Oh. I can't believe you turned such a thing on us after everything we've been through. I know, I'm it I'm at I'm trying to reconcile myself with myself. I don't know why. Yesterday was the best day. Ever. I was. I was. I loved it. I felt things I'd never felt before. The puppies. What did you name this puppy? I haven't named it. I thought you'd like to name it. Three and

Like Ian but three Ian three with a with three eyes. You don't have to prove it to me, it's your choice. I'm explaining it to you. Three in Because he's got three eyes and he's called Ian. Alright, three in. Three and the dog. Three and the dog. What kind of dog is it? The King Charles Spaniel. Wow. Beautiful dog.

Head's a little bit too tight for its brain. He is cramming those eyes. And he's got extra eyes, so there's even less space for brain. He's lolling out of his mouth. He's a happy dog. I'm wondering if this whatever's going on here is gonna affect his work. Yeah, the poisoning of his crew. Um No no, this whatever's going on here between you two. Right. I think there's gonna be some bias going on'cause And if that ever turns stale, yeah. It's all in his head.

Yesterday. Yeah, but he believed. Oh, so you think you might turn on us? You might remember at one point? Or if you two break up. Ahora va. We don't together. Well he thinks you were We were together. How are you gonna continue to dreams, am I right? Yeah but how yeah but he pretty much how are you gonna break up? He likes bondage stuff. I don't know. Did you put that in the memory thing? Well it was a bit of a mix.

I kinda like got a vibe from him and then he really enjoyed that stuff, yeah. So we still got a third person to interview, so We certainly do. Any questions for me? First thing you do when you wake up in the morning. Brush my teeth. Okay. Weird Weird. Well I don't want to be like that other bloke who just came out the door. Chris, you see his teeth? He was a look at we didn't think He looked like someone just fallen out.

No, look like he's got a lot of things. You got terrible taste. Oh yeah I've looked like he's got the comms of a large machine. He was quite ruined. No, he looks like he survived some dangerous things at sea. How are your reactions? No, apple, yeah, exactly. Yeah, he um leaned slightly to the side and that's good. I'll write one down. He avoided the apple. Uh oh, maybe the

So there's a train track, uh speeding train, it's going fast, but you have control of which direction it goes. There are two directions. We are playing, having a great time on one of the tracks. The other option, you've got three in. Sat there. Puppy eyes looking up, all three of them. Like doughy eyed into your eyes. Now that train's speeding, which one do you uh divert the train towards? What's a train? Right. A train is like a just a it's like a moving it's on a track, so there's like a

Like a cart, like a make it like a boat for it. Oh mine cart, you know. Holding down some rails. Really fast. Really fast. Really more redirect which direction that's gonna it's gonna hit one of'em. You can you can change the tracks. Which way is it going, left or right? Who's gonna pay me more? Oh the dog can't pay. Then I flatten the dog.

I would have picked us. I would have picked us as well. There's a cute little puppy on the trip. Interesting, interesting, interesting, very interesting. Had the puppy paid you, would you have flattened us? No comments. Okay, well that's another one. Write that one down. Yeah. Well that's uh I think that's all the question we have today. If you'd just like to wait down on the dock and um Oh let the next guy in. I love you.

Brilliant. Sorry, just so you know. That's absolutely sorry I didn't mean for the

Thank you. Thanks. He shuffles off. That's um I d uh yeah. Not ready. Person steps in the door. Next. This person is but three, four feet tall. It's a dwarf. Similar in stature and build and size to one of the ones that you went mining with. Uh this one looks nervous. A little uneasy looking around. There's a bit of a sweat. You don't recognize him.

Good evening. Please take a seat. There's no need to be nervous. Take a seat, please. Thank you very much, I'll sit down. He sits down. What's the matter? Well, if I'm honest, I've never really been on a ship before. Well, that's ridiculous. Well You could say that, yes, but I I felt that it was my personal ambition to Become a first mate. I've learnt everything I can. I'm a very clever, clever man, uh dwarf.

And um I could do a lot for you here. I can maintain ships well, I can do iron mongery, I can craft wood. What's your name, sir? My name is Bongo. Bongo. Yes, my father was a comedian. And he said it'd be really funny if we call our son Bongo and then have him live his whole life. Telling people his name is Bongo. You know any joke?

No no I'm not a very funny person. Right. My father had all the funny genes. I mainly favour my mother's side. Right, what was she? She was a carpenter. Right. Oh, so you've got some carpentry skills. Yes, I'm very proficient. in uh many things involving the creation, maintenance and maintenance of ships. Oh. Do you know much about glasswork? Oh yes, sir no metallurgy, glass blowing. I'm a crafter of many things. I was told that I'd be very useful upon a ship. So here I am. I said I'd put

Apple! I proved my father wrong. Oh god! What was in that asshole? I've got a stone in that one. You took that really well. The bump will go down, blow on it. But a bump just starts to form on on the dwarf's head. Yeah, lots of things move about on a ship, especially on rough seas. You bastard! How are you gonna talk to your one of the yards? Is that how you gonna treat one of your staff by throwing things at them?

I was merely acting as a uh fictional scenario where a stone would happen to be thrown at your head. Oh it could have been cannibal. You didn't dodge it, you need to dodge. The fact you I need people to dodge, that's a that's a skill all required, is it? The fact you didn't retaliate out of malice though. It's a good sign. You really are prousing your position as hirers of staff here, aren't we? Did they fit a golden buzzer on this? No, no, let's go press it.

I stood up upon the dock earlier and I looked over the assembled ships and I said which ship would I want to be a part of and I saw your beautiful ship being launched I said that looks like a crew I'd be I could I'd like to be a part of. Now however nursing his head nursing his head Ah I'm not so sure. What is it you plan on doing on this ship? Lathing mostly probably on the ship itself. We've got some places we need to go. Important position.

You don't seem certain. You don't you sit there, you don't seem certain at all. We're very certain that it's gonna be on the water. Dead certain. How are you at finding finding a mining lead? I have some family members that are in the mining industry, but I'm not in it. But I'm sure I could turn my hand to it, much like I could turn my hand to most things. So if we arrive somewhere, you wouldn't mind getting off the ship.

doing a little bit of manual labour, loading it on the ship, we sail back and give it to someone that maybe turns it into golf. Well, as your first mate, I imagine I'd be more ship centric, but of course I'd be willing to pitch in and lend a hand. I am however notter. Uh a minor for hire. I'm not going to just go and collect things. Yeah. It's hoping for you to be like a a bit of a dog's body. Well of course you'd be my employer and I'd follow your orders.

However, I am a an artisan, uh a skilled worker, and I expect to be represented or seen as such. Uh I c I've got a few things with me and he um he steps forward to the table. And st you what? I apple him again. Uh he's stirring an apple. Hold on. You never know when an apple's gonna come. It dodges this one. That's better.

And he gets out various things that he's crafted and made. It's the T's. It's the T's. He's playing hard to get and I want that. One of them is a a lovely looking frontlock pistol. This is something that I spent a year making with a gunsmith. I apprenticed to a gunsmith for a while. And uh he helped me make this beautiful item. And it's um like uh yeah, wooden and metal, lovely craft to it, lovely details. This is clearly uh uh you know, high quality pistol. This is

It's my own work, but I I worked under the the watchful eye of a master gunsmith. Of course. But this was something I made within a year of learning. Wow. Um other things he gets like a couple of other little bits of items and trinkets like a small dagger, um some s some rope, um like just a piece of rope that he's made himself. It's very, very practical. You know he's he's good at making things. How are you of a mop? Oh well I can mop things up, yes, but it's not really something I was

Hoping to do, uh but of course all things need maintenance, all things need cleaning. Yeah, a good item is only as good as the maintenance that follows it. Uh so yes I could I could see myself mopping uh for the for the good price. My fees are reasonable but substantial. What are you hoping fees what sorry? Yeah monthly salary, go on. I'm looking at uh monthly salary of perhaps fifty to a hundred gold. Are you all on Yeah no, I just had a asthma a little bit, you know.

You've got sudden onset asthma. Never had it before. I've apprenticed with a healer for a while, I might be able to make your conclusion. Can you do everything though? So let's say you're on the dot you're on the deck. There's a school of children with little knives to one side, to the left side.

Why are the children got knives? On the right side there's a smaller version of Kapipi suckling on the breasts of a wizard. Madame is a baby. But we're in danger because the kids are coming towards us. Who do you throw your vial of of acid at? Oh if it's two directions. So the the children or the asylum. Or the suckling mother wizard.

Baby. I would splash the acid on the children. They they they they may be wizards in disguise. Fantastic. Or perhaps assailants or even goblins. I've seen some particularly human-looking goblins recently that uh would I've struggled uh to differentiate from children. Nice. Well you have me yes. That's pretty good, isn't it? Straight away with the acid towards the small children. Not like Tyrone. No, Tyrone was

Well well we pr it's not it's not very professional to talk about, but the other guy wasn't as good as you. No, yeah, the other and the other guy was just Persuade you lower on the amount? I'm unionised, there's no way I can go lower, sir. Are you union? Yeah anyway. With a union. Independent, yeah. No, they won't be happy about that. The union will come and they'll have more than a few kids with knives to worry about. I've got another question. Oh wow.

To make you just think outside the box. You're very good at selling yourself. You've done very well today. Thank you. What would you say is your greatest weakness, though? My well I can't reach things on higher shelves. Hmm. Why is that? Because of my diminutive size. Oh, I hadn't even noticed. Oh, that's very um very progressive of you. Progressive of you. Yes. Now one day I hope to perhaps craft a

sort of uh legs for myself that would perhaps give me the ability to stand a little taller, reach things with uh extendable arms. Um I hear one amongst you is an artificer, and uh I feel I could perhaps uh learn some great things from such a A learned individual. Suck up. It's over again. Yeah. Uh right, yeah, fair enough. Okay. How about instead of trying to bend your whim to the world, you bend the world to your whim. That's what I like to think of. Bring the ship down to your level.

Rydw i'w'w'w'w'w'w'w'w'w'w'w'w'w'w'w'w'w'w'w'w'w'w'w'w'w'w'w? Yeah. I mean what are you gonna do? I'm gonna bring all the ceilings lower then. Why do you need ceilings lower? I like to feel like I'm normal sized in any given space. Maybe you are normal sized. There's a lot of adjustment. There's a lot of adjustment for that. I'm normal size to May. We've just built size. And the ship is designed with two bigger proportions. We've just built the ship. We've just finished.

You're the one that picked this ship to sail on. You're right, yes, yeah. appear in the room. So it's like it's if you look at it from the wrong angle it's a weird shape but from this Specific angle. You'd be the same height. Would that do it for you? Maybe. It seems complicated. Sounds complicated. How would you look? I'm a apprentice carpenter. Right. Not a master. Not as good as you. Also you can't change the shape of a deck like that.

Like you say, it's been built, it's been designed, you've paid lots of money for it. It's hypothetical that you take it too seriously. Sorry. All right, so you say he's a performer. You say fifty to a hundred goals. Per month. I think we would start you on the lower end of that. Might have to be. And then progress up. I'd like to prove myself. I would accept the lower end. Fifty gold a month, yes. Because the other option is we start at a hundred and you get less each month.

I might try that. I mean what's my life expectancy? It's not good for either of us, doing it. No, no, we'll go the other we'll go the other way. We're gonna start we we would start you at fifty, I think. You can tell he's a bard, not a mathematician. No. So you wouldn't take forty-nine? The union will be here in a moment. Right. Alright? The union will be here and they will burn the ship. Let me get the union. Is there any resistance? Somebody wants to work on the best ship that he's seen.

In the dockyard he's very protective about that. Right, okay. Let's offer him thirty five. Don't abuse me as a being. Uh we'll offer him thirty five. If he doesn't take it, let's just Go with the ugly guy.

Handsome Andy. Sorry? We've got a handsome. You can't go with Tyrone because he might remember things. No, okay. So it's between all right, would you mind just uh stepping outside for a bit while we have a little conversation between the side? Yeah, we'll have a little conversation. No problem. And he collects his light and you can't. You see, we're gonna have a conversation whether we prefer the first girl or you.

The first guy was much cheaper. Well we're gonna talk about it first so you don't My hands are tied. I can't go any lower. Anyway, I'll let you think about it. Right, okay. Thanks for your time, gentlemen. Nice bow. Nice. Could these bows. But his face hits the floor as he bows because he's amazing. Yeah, don't worry about it. Yeah. So we'll lower the floors as well. The floor came up to meet me, yeah. Clumsy. Lower ceilings, lower floors. Nice. Gotcha. Alright. Shuts the door.

Okay. Well what do we reckon then?'Cause that was quite a lot of money and obviously we I mean Take care of our own cash supplies. Right. Pros and cons. The second person we saw. Right. Tyrone. Tyrone. I feel like it's gonna be a loose cannon and uh he's a person. The issue is he's very uh easy to m manipulate. And I know firsthand. That's true, we didn't we did we I mean with all magic, everyone's easy to manipulate. That's the thing. We can manipulate everybody.

Crew and also that we had a romantic relationship involving puppies, which is still here. Hello. I still think there's something there that Unnerving. Yes. Handsome Andy. Handsome. Just putting him out there like that. Awful to look at. Uh we can rename him. He said he was willing to wear a paper. He was willing to wear a paper bag. And he's willing to he was very needy though. He like he's he even offered to work for free to begin with and then only needed a few gold which

Like the perceived historical. Yeah, I've got a good track record as well. Yeah. Yeah but that makes me think maybe we could use him anyway, because a month free is a month free. It's a month free. Maybe we could then yeah, if we choose someone else, we just get them to start in the month. So we get the free month from Hansome Andy, then we swap it. If we entertain the idea of Bongo for a second, I wonder if we try

Modifying his memory to the fact that he left the union yesterday. And accepted ten gold a month. And accepted ten gold a month, yeah. I wonder how many times I can st I can do such a thing. I can do it too. Pfft Why not? Get him as well. Yeah. But I'll just wipe his memory so he just becomes a dribbling cabin boy. Eventually the union will turn up looking for one of their artisans.

He's just been kept in like a modern slavery situation. But we still want his skills as well. We just want him to we want to make this as willing as possible. Yeah, we w Because we want him to kind of want to he wants to be on the ship. It's just that he is tied by the union. Yeah. And it's his choice to leave. He says, Well, I want to be on a ship. can't be part of this union anymore, so

I'm definitely I'm really against unions now. So you got so you know that dwarves are like the union is more than just like membership. Yeah. The union is like part of their culture. Like you are born into a union. The union, like

protects you. We know yes. Y y there are expectations, but like yeah, you understand that you know this. It's part of like the dwarven culture is essentially they are all unionized without exception. Right. And they're all mainly traders. What if we weigh this up? Trade's um Tyrone I'm feeling is bottom of the pile at the moment.

Just for our safety. Just for our safety. So we've got handsome Andy for five gold. Five ten gold. Just because he'll do anything like that. Yeah, not much lot of use for us and you can't take an apple to the face very well. However he lost a couple of I mean he did he Anth Matty does does he

He sort of survived a ship exploding. You know, like he's an incredibly durable individual. And all of these people From all of that though it felt like he was also part of the cause. What if we I'm I'm just gonna this is strange for me to say this. But in terms of bongo, what if we just... union fee and get a good worker. Someone about the money. Where we're gonna go, we're gonna get more money. Look, we're gonna get more money where we go, right? You are a haggler.

He was you can convince him. You've got persuasion. You've got very persuaded persuasive eyes. You could get in there and just persuade him that, you know, maybe we'll uh pay the union rates at some point. I reckon when he's like isolated on a ship with us, we could just whittle him down, you know. Really'cause of the implication. Being out to sea, you could just be tossed into the ocean and he's never been wheels in the ocean. He's never been he's not got sea legs. We don't know if he'll

We could rattle him a bit. After we bought this thing as well, what kind of funds do we have? Do we need to defer his first month's payment a bit? No, we can afford his first month. Well how much though? How many non's we got? I've got like six hundred and sixteen gold on me. That's not actually as much though,'cause fifty.

So we can get him for a year at that range. Uh uh you can last a year. Let's come down to we would have got gone to the horn, got a massive kill. Alright, sure. So we don't undermine the union. Worst case scenario, we'll kill him and rob him. Yeah. Worst case. Worst case. For now we'll pay him part of a union. Or pay him as part of the union. We say we'll start him off uh on the union rates. Uh but see if I can maybe persuade him to just accept a little bit less to begin with.

You can try you can try and persuade him, yeah. But I'd also like to see Andy interviewing what was the dwarf called again? Just forgotten. Tyrone. Tyrone. Bongo. Sorry. Bongo. Yeah. Handsome Andy and Bonga have a little interview with each other. They interview each other. Yeah. So we can watch.

Okay. Could we please have handsome Andy and bongo at the same time please? Tyrone you can go home. Tyrone you're gonna have to leave. Tyrone get out. It's like So I get the pleasure this week of choosing the star Baker and uh This is so you one of you steps out. What what who's gonna tell Tyra to go home? I have to. You're going out.

So they stood out on the deck, three of them chatting with each other, like, oh, so how did your interview go? You come out of the captain's room, um, and they and they step out. Uh and out you come and they're all looking hopefully and Tyrone's like, sees you, it's like heart eyes. Like uh Tyrone, I'm so sorry.

We haven't selected you today, but guess what? What? You have more important responsibilities now. What's that? You have three in to look after. Dude, giving the dog back. The dog will come back to you. You need to look after three in because he needs to survive. Are you gonna come come back to port? Of course. You you're gonna come back your visit? Of course. Yeah, that's why you you need to look after Thrian. Three and is our

Dog child. He's striking. And we must. Is that true, Trian? He holds him up. Can't speak his eye. Are you gonna send dog support back every month? Yeah, of course. He like shakes him like a like a magical nine ball and the eye so he settles with an eye. Signs point to unsure. Make him grow strong.

I'm gonna miss you, I'm gonna miss you so much. Don't squeeze him too hard. I'm gonna miss you so much! Stop that! Stop that! Three-in! Three in no! If you come on happy, no one can! And he just That's not what this is! He runs off the boat crying. I knew this would be difficult. I think you built up another resentment. You hear him running away on the plane. It's impossible to just offset I'm offsetting uh all sorts of things here. This is God

Uh handsome Andy and the and the dwarf look at each like watch him run off and then just sort of look back at us like they look at you just a bit like what was that about? So um Ansom Andy's there like so uh Who's got the job then? Right, you two need to come with Where are we going?

Okay, we'll go inside and then they they both come in. They were all outside. I'm like, wait a sec, first guy can work for free for a month. Yeah. Second guy we can pay. Yeah. Why don't we just hire them both to get like double the workload? For a m at least a month. We can kill the first class. Now you're thinking like a I feel like that was already suggested, wasn't it? Was it which So which this is it? We should do it then. Sorry. Yeah, which one you choose now, the best two then?

Well it comes down to this, doesn't it, really? You both have a lot of positives. Yeah. And some really harsh, glaring flaws as well. Same time. Is it my face? Well Is it my opinion? I personally have nothing to do with it. I'm going yet.

The bag idea you can fashion a mask. That's entirely up to you. It needs to be something that Well make it. Well I used to make masks for a for a brief summer. I can make'em a really interesting one a bit. That'd be really good actually, that'd be really good because honestly when when the ship starts shaking And it will start rocking. I'm gonna feel sick, but guess what's not gonna help that?

Looking at your face. That's and I know that sounds harsh. Yeah. No, you understand you've been in an explosion. Yeah, I know I know. I mean all sorts of stuff. I'm not pleasant to look upon. And I'm just saying it's not morale boosting. No. But the mask. Yeah. That could boost all of our spirits. Now I I know what you're thinking, Bongo.

We're pointing all signs towards handsome Andy here. Wait, I can just give him surgery or something or like. I don't know if I don't know. I like the mask. At least brief. I like the mask thing at least, initially. Anyway. Do the mask for now. Oh okay, would you like a butt lift? Oh absolutely. Is that is that is that company healthcare is it? We'll see what we can do. Can you give me a face replacement? I will be looking at a case. A replacement? I will be looking at a refacement. Nice.

So I'm I'm the one, I'm the one you're choosing. Well funny story there. Oh. Um We're gonna hire both of you. Yes. You're quite looking at the job. Their faces are just like while you're both in the room. Bongo. You're gonna be on fifty gold. No no no no. We're saying out loud. And handsome Andy, you're gonna be working for free.

I feel like I've got the the the poo end of the stick there. Uh but I'm just happy to be part of a crew. I need to get out there again. Mm-hmm. You can learn from each other. Did I mention I'm terrified of fire? Well do you know what actually? Um You could get Bongo to share.

You can split or steal, basically. Keep this. Turn this into a golden ball. Let's do this. Well turn this into a golden ball situation. You may not be familiar with golden balls as something that we we we're aware of. Right. But of course there's fifty gold up for grants. Right. For the first month we'll g for the first month, of course. Now obviously he's un you know that's his fifty gold, but it's entirely up to him if he wishes to split or steal.

So um please look at your balls. Uh keep them. So you you hand out these these painted balls. Yep, um and inside there's a message that says either split, share or steal. Okay, so if they split They share it. Of course. But if one put but if they both have to say split. If you both say split, you both get a share of that fifty. Right. If one of you says steal and the other one says split.

The stealer gets all the money. They both say steal. They both say steal. Nobody gets anything. But you have to agree to work for us first. Would you like to sign these contracts? Yes. Yeah, and the paper's over. You're now employed. Thank you. That's it. So they can't run away once they're going to be able to do that.

There you go, your employees. Okay, but the money is on the table, essentially, it's in the balls. And they money's in the balls. They've got the balls, right. Okay. I'm ready, says says Bongo. And yeah, I'm I'm good, yeah. Okay. Both ready, okay. So uh on three. On three, yes. After UK Peepy. And they open the balls. Bongo says steal. Uh Anzamandi says split. Right, okay, so Bongo has stolen.

Actual wage. It's actually gonna be a good thing. Sorry I couldn't choose anything else, I need a fifty gold'cause I can't have a union dune. You could have ended up with nothing there. Yeah. And Samandi has ended up with nothing. So it's the original game. Oh I guess I get nothing then. Yeah, we'll do this again next month. No, that's the way we do this. Okay, every member's everywhere does and and and like it just like, well I'm always gonna I need the fifty gold up.

Sure. Well good. There's nothing to play for in it though, Ans Mandy, eh? Hans Mandy could just be a spiteful next month. Let's find out. Yeah, you will s notice on the bottom of those contracts you just signed, it does say that you are happy to work with whatever the result of split of steel is. Oh, so it does. I'll shout this to the unions because... Hongo gets 21. Hongo gets 21.

And everyone's happy. Brilliant. Excellent. Uh let me introduce you to the workforce. Ah, very good. That it would be in charge of. That sounds excellent. And with that, uh we will end this uh part of uh episode session ten, part one of boot. Uh that is

first mates. First and second mate. You guys get to choose which is first and which is second. I guess maybe you could award that every month as well. Of course. That's your crew hired. They're going to be introduced to the automaton soon. But for now we will finish it here. Thank you for watching slash listening. There is There is a booty poster out there in the wild you can buy. Not very expensive. It has artwork um from all over the show. There's also a few extras in there.

Google Hat Films and Fresh Merch and then that'll come up. You can buy a poster if you want. Thanks very much to our Patreons for continuing to support this uh show. Uh we really appreciate it and we hope you're enjoying it. Uh we'll see you next time for part two of session ten. Bye, everybody. Bye.