Episode 13 - Part 2: Three Sided Turtle

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Session 13, part two. You join me, Alex Smith of Dungeon Master, here today to discuss what these three idiots are. Ross Homby, Chris Straught and Craig Frost. What we're doing today in the world of booty. There'll be high C's and low expectations, and as always, chase. Uh right, last session, you lot, fought off a sea hack. You nearly got tricked by it. Sword was acting the whole time. Which was actually really impressive for a guy with um

Very little performance role skill. What's your performance stamp? I almost acted up if you know what I mean. Your performance stance. Yeah, you nearly got drowned. Sword got punched. G minus two. Minus two. So he he wasn't acting. How did I do it? There's very little chance he was acting. Um so he sort of got punked uh by a sea hag of some description. We're not calling it this it's a sea hag of N. That's my performance role. Minus two. Yeah. Oh oh well. Okay, whatn y you felt. Um

He was nearly suckered in. Kipi was suckered in momentarily until uh he saw the error of his ways. Titus was skeptical the whole damn time. He saw that hag for what she was. What was she? Unreal dream. An unreal dream. Um You fought her off and her little skeleton minions quite well.

I think the volley from the ship's excellent cannons certainly did a bit of work. More work than I was anticipating. Um I was like, yeah, no, there's like uh nine barrels, yeah, uh what's that? Nine it was only nine D6. Well he didn't even trigger it. Dude did himself.

They fucked him up. Uh anyway, uh you guys did great. You learned a little bit about yourselves, about each other. There was a little bit of squabbling. Um I mean, you know, as a DM I was a little bit disappointed with the amount of squabbling between you guys I would hope. Would I hope by this point you form a couple? You were. DM. So still, I was out of my mind. We've been it's been a long time at sea.

Put yourself in our shoes. You were at sea a long time. I went to the cabin to release myself and I'll be fine after that. That's how we finished it. We finished it with Is that your short rest? Going for a shank and I quote going for a wank. A wank. Um Yeah. Which of course if you're American is to jerk off. To jerk it. To jerk jerk. Stinky little ding dong. Jerk it. Hey wait, hold on. Stinky little ding dong in the cabin. Oh yeah, I'm gonna squeeze my hog.

Uh I'm gonna become uh part and parcel to the trope of having uh moisturizers and hand lotions in all films for masturbation, which really confuses Europeans because a lot of the time we we don't need that. But because none of you have your forkskins in America. You need it. Otherwise it's a chafing experience.

Of friction and pain. You're Panshees. You're better. Give me the hood! Raise my hood up. You want that? He's raised his hood. Look at this hood, it's beautiful. There's nothing wrong with it. It's normal and natural. And I wasn't cut as a baby. It's uncut. It's all got big old snood dicks. Well that's an opinion of it. Honestly. No one should be cut as a trial. It doesn't make sense. I'm happy to use our platform to get our opinions out there though. Sure.

It's not a good idea. You tuned in today, you were expecting a D D podcast, not bragging about the fact we still have to ask you, right? Some old man cut me as a child. It's weird to me. And we continue. And when we get really cold we can climb inside them. We do like a snoo down covers my entire body. Oh anyway

Anyway. The evening draws in. Have we short rested? You've long rested. We've long rested. Come on. You the the day passes. You spend an evening. Uh the automatons slowly but surely man the ship, adjusting lines where needed for a peaceful evening sailing through the room. They don't get limescale build up, no. Not calcified. You mean barnacles. Yeah, more like salt water, like you know, you might need to re oil their wood and their metal.

Um so maybe that's something that sword needs to look at. You need to get down there and say, anyone need their wood oiling? And then they all look round to you and they're like I see that clearless expression, your tomaton face. I know what you want. Yeah. As you go down into the gun deck, your uh homunculus is towel whipping some of the other ones. Like it's like a locker room, doesn't it? Tal whipping the automaton. And they're not they're not reacting, but he's loving it. He's loving the

Sexual environment. Yes, why does it think they call me feel good? I named you that. Yeah, you did. Because you're a cokey little she on it. Yeah. When I was a little chocolate version of you, little chocolate homunculus. What are you doing down here? Oh sorry, I was I got the whipping and I had to come. We need the new tape, don't we? We need some new tape. So I'll place it all in the bar. Yes, you want a little chocolate version. You know when I was younger I had a chocolate amunculus.

It melted. Oh. I know it didn't talk though, like these ones. These ones are great. Yeah, this is made out of one of the things. No, well the automatons don't talk either. They're like kind of real basic robots, but the homunculus talks. My Doctor Feel Good, yeah. Doctor Feel Good He's got a right personality. He's got a right personal He's a perverted drill sergeant. Yeah. That's literally the personality I've been working and honing my

Arts and crafts on. This still is actually taken from a moment he was shouting PEGNAT Droid or sorry automaton. Absolutely. So th they've all been Peg Peg He's peggy. He's commanding Paps Um He's a kink little fucker that one. Did any of them go a bit risk and try and kill him? Huh? Did anyone any of these

Or Tomatons. They just take care of it. They don't care. It's like seabirds. It's like they could shoot a seagull if they want to, they're not gonna bother. Um unless he becomes a real pain in the ass. I don't know, it depends how it's used. Uh anyway The night rolls in. It has rolled in fully. The fog As morning a arrives, you guys have slept well down in your wonderful uh bedrooms in the back. I wish this was a mushroom stem.

You wish it was a mushroom stem. It's not as well insulated, but it is warm and dry, much drier than the inside of a mushroom. Uh your glass bottom, can't see much. Occasionally um your This is a bad idea. Titus wakes up in the middle of the night and there's just a shark just bumping against the glass. And you're just hoping that you you you dim your candle next to you.

It's holding the the little It tries to get its eye out of the glass just to see what's going. Not again. Your anti shark. You should be dead. There's only two of you. Dunk. And as you're sailing out, each of you experience a different horror in the night. Like, you know, a couple of you see giant squid and you're just like

This is weird to be sleeping in a glass bottom. Why did we get this glass bottom? These things need to be unspeakable. This is nightmarish. You can imagine you imagine it in the daytime over beautiful corals, but at night in deep ocean the eye of a giant squeeze.

I mean for a thalac for a thalassophobic You're literally sleeping in a dark, deep ocean. That's where your bed is. And every time you look over from your your cover. You shouldn't be thalassophobic. But you are. I mean I am. Yeah. As a person. Yeah. Ook. Out of character, sure. But tightly he's fine with it. He's fine. He's just a bit like ugh. He's more fifty. Oh that glass is thick enough is all. So you actually you can talk to the shark then through the Alright mate.

Don't push on the glassDon't stop it I've killed bigger beasts than you. And then he just swims off into the depths. Yeah. Just see him like And then later on another shark comes by. Hello. Dung. Your mate just tried the same thing. Go away. He swims off a third shark, which he believed. Dunk. He can't communicate. You can communicate to him, he can't communicate with me. Some spells I could do. Uh what does tongues do? Do I really want to use tongues? Maybe not.

The ability to understand any spoken language it hears, moreover when the target speaks, any creature that knows at least one language can hear the target understand what it says. That's pretty cool. But I'm just tons on a shark. You could cut a little hole in the glass. I'm not doing that. You don't better do that? Bad idea. Oh tar we're we're sinking, very much so. Get the tar man in. Um okay, so how is this glass? Bottom. Sealed to the wood of the ship.

With yeah, with sealing tar, yeah. Of course. The same way the rest of the ship is like sealed together. Is it a nice job? Yeah, it's a lovely job.

It's you can barely see it. Like the glass itself has been shaped as well. It's um it's it's it's magical, like enhanced glass. Like this is all made for by made for you by the artisans. Like this is top quality stuff. Um We should really get like a light. Or something'cause it is literally pitch black.

Apart from the occasional thing that bumps and it's a little bit. So you step out at night, you step out into darkness when you miss the bigger. Because it's like a void that I'm walking out of here. Do you want to see that that what's in there though? Do you want to lie in the boat? I think we should project a light. We should have a dream. You know like m like sea creatures are attracted to light, yeah?

Does Hobgoblin live this life on the surface of the body? Well they have like a like a red light, so it's not so prominent. I wanna see what life is. What's the point of getting a glass bottom boat if it's all just dark? Do you have the light spell? Do you have the light spell? I don't know. No, I don't. I have like fireballs and stuff, but no. No, I don't. Nothing of that sort. The same magic was about to be. The most powerful supreme magic users.

It's dark. Wait, don't you have dark vision as a hopgold I don't think I have dark vision. You have dark vision too, Pifi? I don't think Pifi does. So you can actually see like shapes and stuff. You see them before the sharks. Sixty feet of it. Yeah.

Um so actually. Kapipi doesn't though. Kippi lives in in like pure bliss. Like complete ignorance. Have you seen a Greenland shark before? Like the real long gross ones. They usually go blind. They're like those. They're just like dunk dunk. They're just pissing you off. They're just fucking with you. Well, there's another one. I'll gotta say.

Dunk. You go through a flock of them. An underwater flock. This isn't common. Anyway, we get a very restful sleep. You get a really restful sleep beyond the three or four times the sharks wake Titus up, trying to get his attention. Um next morning, breakfast is being cooked, you wake up, fresh as a daisy. Ooh, what's that smell? Delicious smell of hands Mandy's legendary cooking. And you hear him above.

I like to be beside the seaside. Oh what a lovely place to be. Handsome Andy, shut the hell up. Oh morning Sarah, are you up? Are you down there? What food have you got for me? Uh well I got Me first. Okay. I sit down. Okay, you're storming. Singing is a ugly chaff! No! I'm sorry, I'm a grouchy. I I have one a few times in the night. I didn't mean it. It smells lovely.

Uh in the ca in the quarters of the um you know up on the top deck in the back room. Got a captain's table laid out for the three of you. Lovely laid out plates, forks, a couple of the um loxed on forks have been placed out, sort of for a joke, but you think you might be to use them. They've got really big handles. I found them, I will use them. Yep, okay. It's like you have to hold it like you're holding like a Pringles can and then there's a fork on the end of it. Just a regular fork.

Um too long. But yeah, lovely breakfast laid out. Vegetarian. Because um Well, you can either you can have salt fish if you want, but no fresh meat on board. Sorry, it's all after blowing up that sea hag. What are you gonna eat? Bit of rotten flesh. Right, there's a bit of crab. Bit of crab. Bit of fr fish. Fried fish for breakfast. Um with some crab. And then you have uh like fried potatoes. You have some eggs. You have You must have been slavin away for what?

Ten minutes. Ten minutes. Fifteen minutes. Before we woke up. Yeah. Well done, handsome Andy. How's that bucket treating ya? Oh, I've got used to it now. The chin strap sort of made a groove in the bottom of my jaw which seems to be fitting real nice. Locked it in, yeah. Yeah. Yes, good. Good job. Um cheers then. Uh right, well when you're done with this I'll clear it up. Um He takes the plate and just throws it against the wall. Um no he doesn't, he goes and tidies it away. Uh

As you came up on the deck and went into the captain's quarters for breakfast, you see that the fog has lifted. It's quite a nice clear day. Uh it's it's starting to warm up. Clouds are high in the sky. um with a lot of blue sky but still patchy and cloudy. The uh sea condition is uh getting a bit choppier. Well the wind has picked up. Um and the ship is moving at a faster pace now, which is good, but you know, there's a bit more chop and swing and sway. Uh and everything seems to be.

Yes, sir. Let's get a sit rep on the situation. How's the automaton crew this morning? Automaton crew much like they were last night, sir, slightly damp, slightly rusty. Uh they may need some uh attention if you want them to work uh as good as they possibly can. Cannons are all loaded, ready to fire. We like to keep them in that position. Some say it's a little bit dangerous, but I do like a ready to fire cannon. Uh yeah, the automaton are good.

Maybe. Would that help them or hinder them? I don't know. Hot oil. I didn't make these oil. Have you a hot oil bath? Little just dip. You could oil them. I wouldn't necess it doesn't necessarily need to be hot. Might be nice on them. They might feel something. Oh I doubt that. They're very they're very simple. Very cheap. We'll put it in a can then and cover the key here. Just scrub around the key areas. Yeah.

Nice. Little toothbrush around those. Yeah, nice. Yeah. That's him like using the paintbrushes to just like the chipmunk eating. No. Huh? That sound. A chip monkey chipmunk eating nuts. Chipmunk, sorry, right, okay. Chip monkey. A chipmonkey. Chipmonkey I used to be one of those McDonald's. Uh what do you want to do this morning? Brave adventurers. First mate Bongo.

Oh yes. You're the map kind of guy, you're the smart one? No, but you flatter me. How close do you think? I'd say less than a week. Less than a week. Still a week. Oh god, it's bought a little bit. It's a long way. Why didn't you take a look at the bottom? It's halfway across the ocean. God's dead. Which ocean? The Notlantic, the one we're currently on. What other oceans are there?

There are many oceans. Couldn't tell you all of them. I don't know them myself. I've only really sailed around the islands, some river inlets, uh Have you ever left an Atlantic? I I've left an Atlantic. Where have you been? Uh there's a sea up fr uh where my people come from, the Dwarven Kingdoms. Uh we we have a small sea, uh called it the Dwarven Sea. The Dwarven Sea, how'd they get that name? Well, it's due to its proximity to dwarves. Yeah we have very little boats.

So you know they're little because You spent time away from dwarves, but I assume to dwarves they're just boats. They're just regular boats, yes. But whenever any other, you know, taller races come on board, they always complain. They're like, Oh, this is small. Oh Got a croucher in here and obviously we're there rolling our eyes or like this with small. Did you name the s did the dwarves name the sea? Aye. You did? Yes. So to us would it be like a lake?

No, the sea itself is large. Dwarven sea in because it's in its proximity to dwarven people, not because the sea itself is dwarfed in comparison to larger seasons. There'd just be more of a novelty at that point. Okay. If that were the case. I see. Uh it's quite off I think it's quite exp uh Are you close to the edge? Uh the edge of what? Edge of what? The world. I hadn't thought about it that way.

I heard that uh the world was a large cube. What the hell? What happens when you get to the edge? You go round the corner and then you're on another flat. I've always been see this is the thing that scared me about the ocean. One of my biggest fears of sailing is going off the edge. Yeah, you gotta be So you're saying it's impossible to fall off the world. Well the edge is guarded.

Mostly. Well at least that's what the hobgoblins tell each other. Really? Yeah. Guided by like vicious beasts and monsters and sea girls. A lot of us haven't bothered. I haven't really thought about it that much. I don't think about it that much. That's what. Terrify concept, isn't it? It is, it is. Uh well all that must have killed a bit of time. How long's that? Call Brunio, would you look at that? We made it. No, no, he does say call Bradio, look at that.

What is it? Off the distance to the front of the ship. Several hundred feet away, several hundred meters away in fact. Three times what I originally said. Oh my god. Several hundred meters away off the starboard bow, which we all now know is which side of the ship? The right side. You pointed left and did five with your hand. He doesn't. Five letters, right. Left. But I'm doing left doing camera. I know that's the side that the Titanic hit the iceberg on.

Mm. So if you remember that scene in your head, that's how you know it's. See a lot of people remember poor same amount of letters that's left. But I picture Iceberg off the starboard bow. Okay, in that scene it hit it on that side and he was like, no, looking over that railing, so that must be the right. That's how I stand this way. He relived the Titanic. That's how I starbour and port.

Okay, Ki-Pee, good job, we've got you on board. If you do import four letters left, that's all very well for knowing which side's left. Then you're right. How do you know which side right is? That's very true. Good point. Um so Off the starboard bow, a few hundred meters away. You see an incredible sight. It is a gargantuan. This sea turtle is the same s almost the same size as the uh Kraken Euphore. You know, this is a one of the great beasts of the ocean, one of the lesbian

Legendary creatures. It makes me burp just thinking about it. God, the fear. This is one of the legendary creatures of the ocean. Is that the horn? Yeah, is this like one of the creatures of the hall that's just got like You said we were a week away, but he's right here. I've never seen something like this before. I've heard stories, but I don't think we're at the horn yet. Is he fully above the ocean or is it just like a dome kind of So it's mostly above the ocean and what you see

Is that it's not actually a natural sea turtle shell shape, or not the one you'd expect. Instead, the shell is a triangle, it's a large triangle. With the front uh imagine a triangle triangle sat on its flank. Is it 2D or 3D? Triangle or pyramid, yes. Is that one triangle always facing us? Like a pyramid? Uh it's like a pyramid, but there isn't a point at the top.

Um so uh no cones? You know, alright, imagine you know Quality Street. You know the green triangles in there? Oh, so it's like a flat triangle. Imagine it flat, right? On its front, yeah. And then um the the The flat edge of one of the triangles, that's where the head sticks out.

Then the legs stick out the back on the diagonals that goes so it th it's a triangle laid on its back where the point is at the rear of the beast. Okay? The point of a triangle is at the rear of the beast. The head's in the middle of one of the flat sides. Yes. Equilateral or isosceles? It's an equilateral ish. Okay. Oh, nice to see if it's ish. Yeah, kind of.

It doesn't look like land. It looks like a giant fucking sea turtle. Uh you know, the shell itself looks like a sea turtle. Everything apart from the fact that it's A, bigger than your ship, and B triangular in shell shape.

It looks like a sea turtle. What is also odd about it is it doesn't seem to be swimming like you'd imagine a sea turtle to where it's barely above the surface. It's quite far above the surface and its arms and legs are kind of like sort of trying to do a breaststroke style maneuver.

As you get a little bit closer, your ship is sort of intersecting with it. The beast is currently swimming, sort of intersecting with your course. So it's coming across the front of where you're heading. As it moves across, You notice to the rear, it seems to be towing a smaller ship. A ship of about your size. Um, seems to have Latched onto it. Imagine a horse pulling a wagon. They seem to have like hooked up ropes and things to this uh to this beast.

And you can hear yelling. You can see people on deck moving around. They're trying to wrangle or seemingly trying to wrangle or control this beast.

Um from the flags and from the sails of the ship, you know this to be a ship of the Church of Triangular. The Church of the Three Pointed Star. Uh and uh yeah, what do you want to do? That looks pretty dangerous because you talk to the giant turtle is that in your thing? No, that's a totally different species of the gun that's a little bit more. It looks a little bit like you, but it's got a triangle back. I'm not sure we should get ourselves involved with the

The three pointed hokey. We've got we've got a mission. We g we should just beeline for what we Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can hear on the ship that there seem to be playing music or do you think that's coming through on the mics? Somebody listener has sounds like started up a really loud car radio and then you connect to everything. Oh wait, it's going. No, it's not.

Bizarrely loud though, doesn't it? That was weird. Maybe it's not loud, maybe these just aren't very soundproof. Yeah, it could be that. Yeah. Let's whisper. Okay, well whisper. This is the same. Don't want them to know we're playing DD in it. DSMR. Um anyway. Uh the Yeah, what sorry, what did you decide you were gonna do? Look, I've come across a three-pointer star a few times in my life.

The last time was when you remember we used that portal on the top of that remote island. Oh, yeah. And there was a big shark on a b massive pedestal who was part of the religion. Right. I got a bad street sharks. Bad vibe. Are you a believer the three point stuff? Nah. What do they believe? It's like a pyramid scheme. As the ship the ship is moving closer and closer. You're only a hundred meters or so from the ship now. Um and you can see

Uh there's a crew of about ten people. Uh a mixture of like uh just regular crew, looked like they might be hired or something working the ship. A couple of armed guards moving around on the deck. And there's also several, you think maybe three of the very recognizable priests of Triangulus on board. They seem to be casting a spell together, um aimed at the turtle. And uh wealthy nut jobs.

They notice you. They notice your ship. And they uh what I think. I think they've they know about this triangle CETA and they're like, oh my god, it's like the reincarnation of their blah blah. Right. It's God. Yeah, and they're like, oh we gotta subdue it and it's really big though, do you think that they're gonna it's gonna kill it? No. Well let's just not provoke it.

It's big. It is big, yeah. It wouldn't be. Well, I don't want to fight. Let's just say we believe. You've had a long rest now. Let's say we I know, I just feel just We've had a lot of fighting recently. Oh there! Oh they're shouting over there. Look the other way. No no Oh sorry I thought we would I've I've said hello now. The turtle stops, it's like Swimming and then I mean it was moving at quite a pace as well. The the ship was moving probably a little bit quicker than you could under sail. Um

So, um the the the the turtle seems to relax and then just sort of float. Just be non aggressive. Give a bit of a giving her a bit of a break. What kind of vibe are you s suggesting? Like I'm gonna be angry or something. Fuck off. Tell the automatons to chill. Automatons chill! Go back into your quarters for a second. Whatever your name is Herunculus. Love good. Doctor feel good. Feel good. Doctor feel good. Hey Doctor feel good. Yeah. Don't fire yet. We don't know.

Okay, I'll I'll pass that on to the crew, but I mean you're not my master, but I'll just so I listen to him? Yeah, you can listen to him. I'm just saying last time you started firing, no one said go. I did. Oh did you? Yeah. I said loose cannons. I mean no not now. Your head was in a puddle. You're underwater. I said loose cannons. Underwater? Not at the time. That was before I got drowned.

You said loose cannons. Never mind that. I think you said something about like what wonder what those cannons can do or something like that. What those cannons do? What those cannons do? Yeah, do you know what I mean? I think that's what you said. Anyway. Is loose cannons mean fire? Be cautious. If these were tied up tight and we needed them to loosen the ropes on the cannons and we said loose cannons, would they just Okay. Um you uh

You see that they're stopping. They're slowing down. They're stopping. Hello there! So it's a sea turtle with a ship tethered to it. Yeah, the sea turtle is now just like resting in the water. Pulling the ship along. Like imagine like a chariot. Right. Um hooked up. They've kind of wrangled it already.

And uh as you come alongside, you see the the priests like stop what they were doing and like uh somebody brings them some tea and things like that. Very pot. It's very posh, yeah. It's very nice. They've got nice streamers coming off of everything. They're litigious. And they're militaristic.

Alright. So like These guys look wealthy, litigious and m militaristic Exactly. Militaristic and and and you know that like, you know, they love codifying things, they love books, they love rules. But they also like to try and exploit and bend the rules where they can. So like uh They're they they they they put on a front of being very official and doing everything, you know. But behind closed doors, nausea.

They see they they they're like but they're you can see they're very happy with themselves. They're like, Oh ho, hello there, gentlemen. Please! It's not often we meet someone out in the deep like this. May we uh exchange supplies, perhaps? Sorry, speak up a bit. You're still uh a bit of a TOTOL! Why are you whispering more now? TOTOL! That's an aggression. Use your use your ocean voice. I'm sensing aggression. TOTLE! Hello there, yes! This is your God!

What? Just kidding. There's only one God. Angulus. Oh, is that him? Maybe come and preach to you. Thank you. You don't they don't even wait for a reply. They chuck a couple of grapples out and then they pull their boat closer. And they come aboard. They climb aboard. Don't sign up to anything. Alright? Maybe we should just sign up to a move. Come in. Why'd you spit on that? We've not done a deal? Oh uh it's just the way I sh we shake hands in the in the Church of Triangulus. Yeah.

Alright, very well. It's a really slippery one. Oh! Pleasure. Very the pleasure is on my side. So good to see you. Very good to see you. Very good. Alright, what's new in the triangulus? And they're like, they like instantly trying to show you, they're like, Look! Look! What is it? It's a giant beast from the god himself.

Triangulus has gifted us! Look at this thing. With its triangle shell. Irrefutable evidence that the god of triangles himself gifted this to us. It is our property. How did you tame this beast? Well. That's just it. We're trying to we wondered if you had any advice for us. Has it tried to kill you? Mm. Has it tried to kill you? Um

And what was the question, sorry. How did you tame this beast and has it tried to kill any of you yet? No. It's so big, its mouth is larger than this shit. We haven't and it has. Fuck. We found this animal whilst making a transit from one side of an Atlantic to here. We're on the way to the Gold Tooth Isle. We've come from across the ocean. It's the other way. Well, that's the thing. We've kind of

Been going where the turtle takes us. We've worked out how to stop it diving. When we were stop it where it is. Hm? You managed to stop it there, isn't it? Oh, he's just exhausted. Oh. He won't swim anymore. We w we we d we use spells to force him. We poke him and make him do stuff. Okay.

Um but w we we were in port several months ago and we heard a story from some Castelliar men, uh monster hunters. They told us of um A wizard uh using a levitation spell to stop a gargantuan uh from uh from s from diving, from to lift him from the water, and we thought, well

If this sea turtle dives under the water, he's gonna drag us down with us. So we've been maintaining a a sort of greater levitation spell to keep the keep the the the the giant turtle from diving. It's exhausting, but between the three of us, and we are quite mighty wizards, uh, we've managed to do it. What we haven't quite worked out how to do is convince the beast to go in any sort of direction.

That we need. And I'm gonna be honest with you. We are running out of food and water. We've been out here for some while. But we will not abandon this beast. It is a gift from the god itself. You know, you're just pissed. I'm just trying to guide you. What's the point? Or something like that. Oh, we are the guide guides of the priests. We we we we guide the the way of the mortals upon this plane. So you follow some sort of god?

We do triangulus, but he's in a different plane of existence. Or over this triangular priest. We priests are the guides of all living creatures. This is a perfect sign. It's but it's shaped like a triangle. You can just follow where it goes. It's gonna be godlike. How do you know it's handled from the gods? Look at its shell, it's triangular. Yeah, I can't dispute that. You cannot refute that. That's clearly it means it's from the God Triangulus for us.

I think I might have something that you're th that would impress you. Is it water or limes? Unfortunately for you not. I'm very parched. Do you have anything to drink? Give him a lime. I think if Triangulus wanted you to live, you'd be bestowed with a wealth of food and water. You didn't allow that giant topic. That's what we thought you were. We thought Triangulus had sent us aid. Can you speak to it? I'm pulling out. I I've just got something very interesting. Yes.

I pull out my boomerang. It's kind of like a uh a noble weapon. Yes, yes, I've seen these. Look at the look at the- I wouldn't show'em triangles. They think they own it. No. Oh they haven't that. No, no, no, no, no. Thank you. No, no, no, no. It was given to me. By who? By Triangulus.

What? What are you saying? He came down to me and he said take this relic artifact of triangle shape and carry it with you for good luck. And I was But that sounded like something he would say. Yes. But I had this vision. Of him. He was very triangulated. Yes. And then I was thank you. So I t have to carry it with me. Yes. And if anyone takes it from me, it will be shown as I uh that's a That's a diamond. That's a diamond.

God, it must be easy to do. Anyone that takes this from me will be disrespecting triangulus, he said. So he said, keep this with you. So I'm putting it away. That's what you might like. Yeah. Or persuasion. No, you're lying. Persuade. Uh ooh. That's an 18. Yeah, that succeeds. Plus ah. Oh yes, well, at least keep it close, huh? It would have been plus six. What what a vaunted artifact you really have. Yeah. Marvellous, marvelous. When you Bills the followers of Triangulus here?

Oh yeah, big big fan. What's your favourite triangle? Oh isosceles. What's your favorite naturally occurring triangle? Just that sea toe. Yeah, like jealous. Yeah. Vol volcanoes are pretty much. Cone like. Yeah. You ever seen heretic? He said volcanoes not technically a triangle. It was a joke. You don't want us to inquisit just it's very invasive. Of course.

You ever seen a four-sided triangle? A full-sided triangle. A four s no, a four-sided triangle. No. I add it in my premonition with uh triangulus. HERESY! If it has three sides, there is not four. He showed me that there's one. Two, three, four, five. Oh fuck! There's five sides to a triangle. You seem very thirsty we've been at.

How much time do you think you spent thinking about triangles? Please you must help us. We must help get this blessed peace under control. Well, you know, Triangulus says Uh with great Generosity must come great generosity in return. That's what he said. Yes, yes, yes, yes, of course. So we will save your lives by providing some Water and food. Yeah. But in return, a gift must be bestowed upon Triangulus's saviours.

Yes. Okay, one second. Let me confer with my my fellow track. Master Turtle. I don't know how loud that. They're whispering a lot, aren't they? Yeah, not even words. Yeah, I don't know if it's not. Whispers sound totally different to actual words. We should eat the dog. Yeah, they do, yeah. Should we eat the dog? No, no, no, no. No, they don't want to be a little bit more. I'm going to think there's a triangle on the floor with um

Just prestigious well no um prestigious minor illusion whatever it is. Yeah, just a triangle look. Oh that's lovely. Look at that. That's lovely. That's a triangle. That's not right, we've had a talk. They just love it. With a little triangle. That is lovely. Um cute and focused. There we go. So we've had a s we've had a chat. Yeah.

Uh some things I can offer you. We have a let's call it mystery cache of items. It's the church's special equipment. This is something that we are sent out with that helps us. uh let's say confront all possible realities of a dangerous voyage across the ocean, and indeed in adventures on land. This is full of very valuable things potions, weapons, armours, curios, This is something that we have not had to break into. We discovered the turtle month seven months ago now, and beyond food and water,

We have no need for this cash. We will make land soon. We will get the turtle back to port, God willing. And we will uh be hailed uh heralded as great priests of our age. Food and water would of course be welcome. However, the true prize we seek from you is help with the turtle. You help in the right direction. Bend this turtle to our will. And we will reward you with this cash. This mystery cache. What sort of mind-bending abilities could we possibly have? I'm wondering how they feed the thing.

Look how big it is. He probably just eats from the ocean. He grazes. That's enough? He grazes on jellyfish. Oh nice. Just scoops them up as they go. Uh Swim along. What if uh Dyer jellyfish are its favourite? What if we um make the giant creature eat them and then we take the giant creature and wander away to the horn?

Then we might have problems in the future with the rest of the church. This is the problem, you see. It seems like they're on a sacred mission. I don't think that we're bigger than the church. Why the Oh wow. Well the balls on this guy. He's clearly never met anyone from the three pointer start. No, yeah. We're gonna get absolutely railed by all sorts of triangular implements if we do not.

Do what they say. What if we just hold it? As you chat you as you're chatting, you hear the the turtle raise its head and make a mournful cry. And it kind of routs the ship as you see one of the guards with a very long pike just stab it and tell her to shut up. That's is that the method?

Is that what you do to Cat! Yeah, I mean you're that you stupid place! How have you stopped it from eating you? Sorry, I'm using the triangle on my hands just to make you see the triangle. Oh that's lovely. So you can see it all. That's lovely. It's nice, it's lovely. It's really nice. Triangle, put your triangles on it. Um Nice one. You don't have hands, uh kind of just Panatic! Panatics. No two triangles, eh? Two triangles and uh two flippers that are just. Two triangles don't make a right.

Listen, for us to help you, I guess we need to know how you have managed to tame such creatures so far. It looks like you've just beaten it to submission. Yes. How have you done that? Because it's large, it's very large, you're using magic to levitate it up. And then put prodding it. Where did you prod it? In the back of the head? Back of the legs. And it just kind of just stays there. It's a very docile and loving creature that we have.

uh bullied and lashed into our s into our service. Let me get this right. You just want to be able to control it and tell it where to go and all this kind of stuff. We want to bring it under our thrall so we can bring it back into port, harvest its meat And use its shell as a new church. And we'll get Oh alright. And what will we get in return? Brilliant. Okay, can we just confer for a second, please? You want to kill the beast. You wants to eat. Okay. I'm very good at um

Charming, persuading, that kind of stuff, right? We've learned that. Yeah. Titus is very good at talking to animals sometimes. Actually, talk to animals. So you might be able to. Sword is very good, uh Yeah, go on. Source here as well. So how about this? What about this? What they're doing to him may not be

Right, in terms of you know, like oh we should probably let the tur turtle go or whatever. But what if you manage to convince him between us we manage to convince the turtle to take them away enough that they think that they're in control of the turtle? so that they give us all the weapons, then when they're out of sight the turtle just takes them under the sea and drowns their ship. Like we could tell the turtle to do that, he'll be free of them.

They'll think that they've had control. We'll have nothing to do to do. It's very hard for me to describe this because I'm very excited right now. Yeah, you can see. Your leg is shaking now. I used to talk to the animals. Like Doctor Doolittle. Yeah, you convinced the C T.

to do what they want it to do for long enough for us to get paid. Once we get out of sight, the turtle can then if he wants to be free, which he probably wants to do, just tell him to insta dive down before he can levitate. Before you talk to it Yeah, and what we'll talk to the the priests and tell'em what you're doing. So I'm persuading it to take it f just a bit further out. Just then take a dive. No you you're persuading it to Obey their instructions.

For whatever they want to do just for long enough for us to get paid and be out of sight. So that they think, oh yeah, well we we've helped them, you know, you guys have helped us. So here's yourself. They they we go off, go to the horn, they Then get drowned. Right.

Because they've been cruel to this turtle. Yeah, of course. Well I'll see what their temperament is like of the turtle. I mean it seems quite calm. Yeah, and also If you can convince him, come find us and help us in the horn, whatever it is. Yeah. We mean we might as well try. Right. But yeah, is he always up to? If he wants to just hang out with us. If he's not busy. We've got we've got to do it.

Turtles be can't you have a chat with him? More of we won't be in charge of him, more of he can come and help us if he wants. Okay. Yeah. It's up to him. Very well. Anyway. You go in and we'll check. You didn't hear any of that, did you? I a I actually didn't hear any of that, no. So actually in both figurative and lit I was doing something. So anything you feel like you need to know.

Please explain what you're thinking of doing. You don't need to know nothing. Our fellow Triton here is going to go into the water as he's very

Very uh shit. Very astute. Triangles up. Is that what? Triangles up. I put my triangles down for a second, I almost forgot. Also, he's from the sea where the sea turtles come from. So he's gonna have a bit of a dialogue. And you're gonna convince it to come back and die with us?

It's gonna convince it. Well, tell him that bit. Okay. Yeah, no, maybe leave that out. If it understands what that means, it might not like that. He's gonna try and convince it to just you know obey to your whim. Like you want. Very good. And uh yeah, that's what we're t off you go. I'm gonna go and I'm jumping off the side now. Oh there we go. See ya in a second. It won't be take too long. The cash. Um well let's see what happens first, shall we? Yeah. I mean

Yeah. But I will say this looks positive and um w I'll I'll send a message back and he like just touches his temple. One of my aides will start preparing the cash for you. Gentlemen, do you have anything to drink? I am very thirsty. Absolutely. First mate. Oh. Hansomandy. Hello, yeah right. You know that breakfast you set out for us? He r he wheels out a trolley with the porcelain just jiggling. Anything from the trolley? There you go.

And they they fall upon the trolley. Like they try to remain c calm, but he's like got like a couple of little cakes and and like other dried things. Help self. And uh he's got He takes a big flagon of water and just drinks the whole jugs. Oh thank you. You don't know how long we've been at sea. And you can see like one of the guards that's come over with the the little cadre of wizards.

is like looking longingly at it but like uh the the they just ignore their guard, you know, they're just like Oh, he go on you as well. They're right dicks. Oh the you say to the guard. No, no, no, no, no, he's fine. Okay, go on then. And then the guard sort of just goes.

Thank you very much. Yeah. Thank you. And starts drinking a lot. Told you the ripe pricks. Yeah. Very well. And the guard's actually got like quite a lot of like scabbing. He's got quite dry mouth. You can tell that he's m suffering more than the the the wizards have. Yeah. Mm. So uh what is it you're planning on he says like over like K K. So what is it you're planning on? You know, naturally occurring triangles. We're on a voyage ourselves. Oh. For the ultimate triangle.

The horn. Oh, which is obviously it a triangular shape. So we're going to the horn and hopefully gonna destroy a beast and claim the fame. Ah, we we at first thought that we may have uh inadvertently come to the horde when we uh bumped into this monstrosity, but instead, Triangle is himself.

gifted us this beast. To do with as we wish. Amazing. But we cannot bring the bastard under after all. Wow. Until now. Until now. Until now. What is it you're going to do? You haven't explained yet. Well, huh, funny story. Yes. You know you're speaking to some people back on the coast. Oh yes, the Castilians. The Castilians and they said about a certain wizard that Levitated a beast. Uh! Guess who just jumped in the ocean? The very same wizard. No! Yeah. No. You are lucky as shit. That is us!

That is not. Angulas is bestowed upon you. Yeah, yeah, what the fucking chances. What are the chances? Out here in the wide, wide ocean, it's gotta be a blessing. It is. There's almost a hundred percent chance actually. Yes. Yes. Considering the amount of figurative rail railroading going on. Exactly. Yeah. Um What? What's he saying? I have no idea. There's no railroad. So so on the ship with you is w three wizards.

This is the one you're talk the main one is the one you're talking to. He has two behind him. Brizzards. And one guard who's just like got a simple like breastplate on and a spear and um Just sort of bored. Stood around, looking around your ship, quite interested. This is a wonderful ship you've got. Not quite.

The tra same trails and and and flags and heraldry is one of ours, but I'll tell you what design wise it's fascinating. The conversation's gonna take like five minutes or so. How uh how about? You know, just for fun. Just a bit of fun. Um, we'll take you or Dr. Feelgood, his our little servant, we'll give you a little guided tour of the place. Yeah, he's he's gonna take us around. Or you can just have a rest on your ship.

And we'll take your guards and just give them a little guide around our ship. Ah, we've got here now, I wouldn't mind having a look round. Alright. Well, y head on down. You know, where the more wealthy part is.

Okay, okay. Captain's quarters and all that. Glass bottom. Nuts. Have a look at that. Nice. Okay. Okay, yeah. So they go down. The guard stays up on deck. Oh the guard will stay up here to for our security.

Uh well it's myself and the two fellows will come down. Come on, let's have a look. Gonna point the triangle. Lead the way, come on, kill us. Off we go fascinating. Have a great time. Okay, wizard folk. You need to watch your heads when you're down here. This is a live working environment. We've got a live Yeah. He's like doing the full like theme park tour ride kind of like brief. Um what are you doing at this point? I'm swimming towards its head. Okay.

Well underneath the s the ocean its head. It's it's it's sort of sadly hanging there like It's like it's its flippers, its fins are kind of down and it you can tell it's tired, very, very tired. It's looking quite emaciated under the water. Um You approach the head. What do you do? You look sad. No, I'm gonna touch it first. I need to touch it. I'm going to use

tongues to talk to it. You can talk uh what, because you wanted to talk back. Well yes. I want to answer it. Well basically tongues will mean it It grasps the creature you touch the ability to understand any spoken language it hears. For an hour. Moreover, when the target speaks, any creature that knows at least one language which I do. Yeah. So you'll be able to understand it back. We'll be understanding. So we can talk. This is my talking thing. I just need to touch it. Oh hello little fish.

I am not a fish, large one. You talk. Do you know who has commandeered you? No. Do you understand the word commandeered? No. There are several creatures attached to your back who have hooked their ship.

onto you. And are using you prod me too. Yes. And they're using f you for travel. They keep me afloat. They stop me from diving. Do you like this? I do not. I can change this for you, mate. We can make things good again. You would help me? Yeah, I can help you. I would be grateful. Um how do you feel about Diving deep and drowning the people that are on your back.

I would enjoy that very much. What's do you think there's magic that's I I assume it's magic that's stopping you from doing certain things? Some form of spell. And you can't like snap at them with your giant Snappy mouth. I try to turn, but they are too fast. They move behind me. They do. I turn, their ship turns as I turn. I am rather immobile. I am not the most agile of creatures. Do you know where you're travelling? Are you travelling anywhere specifically?

I am trying to escape. You're just so you're just ambling around. They're just following you. They don't know where you're going. I think they think they're going to the gold tooth. They try to tell me to go certain ways, but I ignore them. But I'm growing tired and feel I will one day succumb to their will. And it

I'll uh let you in on a little secret. So do you know what killing is? Because they want to do that to you when they get back to the Gold Tooth Isles. And then they're gonna use your giant shell, which is the thing on your back, if you don't know

Oh. I feel like you are you didn't get educated anywhere, you have no education of any kind. So that giant thing that's hard on your back, they're gonna live inside it and use it as a church. But I live inside that. No, you do right now, yes. Do you want those things to happen to you? Doesn't sound like it. Doesn't sound good, does it?'Cause then you don't you won't live. You won't be able to eat things. You won't be able to enjoy life.

I like jellyfish. You like jellyfish? Right. Well after I'll make a note of that, we'll try and get more. Do you speak to jellyfish too? Sorry? You speak to jellyfish? No no I eat them though actually. I eat them as well. Yeah, I can eat them. But as long as they don't sting me'cause that fucking uh rash. Annoying little rash. Do you do you get rashes from those? No. No, you've got quite a snappy little beak massive ish.

Sorry? Snap the top off before they get me. That's fair enough. Sure you eat the whole thing without even realizing you're just like. Oh you've stingy bits you're very particular about the bits, okay. Stingy bits. That's fair enough. Don't want to eat those to give you the shit. Oh, really? Oh I've not yeah, I don't need this tangers either. Anyway, um so our plan is for you, we're gonna try and stop this levitation stuff. We'll get catch'em off card.

And then I want you to pull their ship like really deep until they stop breathing and die. Are you alright with that? Yeah. Cool, well that's I mean I'll try and keep her in touch with you. But we're gonna help you. We don't wanna kill you. In fact, if anything, you might be able to help us in the long run. Oh. Do you know where the horn is? Hmm, have you heard of the horn? Has the horn been mentioned? Not in a tongue that you might understand.

The meeting place. The the the currents. The meeting currents? Sure, yes, yes, I believe that's yes. Yes, there are many many like me there. Oh really? You came from there? Well let's take you home then buddy. Drown them and we'll go with you. It's a very tedious conversation, sir.

I'm sorry. Okay, I know you are rather slow. You weren't educated. No. That's very difficult for me. And I'm very impatient because of this. But I'm not gonna hurt you. Look, I'm not touched, I'm not hurting you. Well I've have I prodded you with anything? No.

Not yet. What I'm not going to. There's still time. You're massive. It seems actually really foolish to mess with you. Mm. But you're really it kinda stupid and d don't seem to care. Very peaceful. That's that's fine, that's good for me. Anyway, look, drown them. Okay. Right. I wanna go back to the service now, speak to the other guys. That's the message. Drown those guys. We'll try and stop the level tank thing. Okay. Right, see you later. I'm about to touch you again. Bye.

Bloody owl. I'm gonna swim back to the surface. You swim back up to the edge of the boat. Stuff, it's a climate brick wall, man. This guy. Fucking hell. Stupid creatures. All of them are really stupid. Let me up! Of course that's stupid. They're animals. It's a miracle you can't. Try to explain very c basic concepts to these animals all the time. I don't like this. I need a

I need a break, I need a holiday. He needs a holiday. How about a lovely Caribbean cruise? Oh, even a nice mushroom on it all as well. Oh look, my dead ancestors born. It's reminded me of terrible things. Oh so much trauma. Alright. Hoist me up! Someone So we're at the same time we're speaking to the guard who's been separated from the wizards. Like, mate, how much do you buy into this triangular stuff?

Oh not that much. Nah. We uh me and a lot of the crew we were just hired on at the nearest port. Oh they they just you know they pay really well. Um got good, you know, not too bad benefits. Um yeah, but no, we're um we just we just it's just the job. You know, well I mean our reputation does rely on us doing a good job. What? Alright. Just wondering. You don't go in through much as well, I felt I can tell. Nah. No.

A whole load of old bollocks really to me. I mean I thought that but then I saw this this turtle and I mean honestly look at him. He's mad. Coincidence. Come on. What's that mean? Coincidence. What's it mean? Something looks like it's you know, because of something else, but really it's just a matter of two things lining up at the same time. Oh. I remember that one, that's a good word.

Oh true believer. Here it comes, true believer. Oh can you hear that? Do the sim or just let me up. That sounds like that. You let me do that first. How'd it go, mate? Grab onto this. All good, good. Tight this once you get back up the rope of the deck. Have you solidified the plan? The the de- you see the other wizards are below deck at the moment having a tour. You hear underneath the deck, you hear the homunculus shouting.

Okay now watch out now you're gonna come into a room here which looks like it's got no floor, but it's just glass. It's a dark glass floor? Uh They're gonna love that bit. God damn it back on deck. Yeah, no, I suppose it's really loves you guys, uh and your crew. Um and it wants to respect everything you

say and do to it. No no no, it's alright, the guards just don't give a shit. They don't give a shit, okay. Well no I told it what you wanted to tell it. Yeah d let's not say it out loud though. Don't say it well, don't say it. Well what are you talking about? I was just telling it it should respect the people that are in charge of it. Yes, good luck.

It's gonna be It's gonna be obedient and follow all its commands. It's going to follow the commands. It's gonna be obedient and it's gonna be bloody good for you guys. Perfect. That's exactly what you told it, right? It's gonna be exactly Then we don't need to do anything else. There's a few things we need to do. What do we need to do? What'd you mean? The levitating thing, we need to kind of nip that in the butt. How are we gonna stop that? I don't know. I haven't thought very far ahead.

I told her to do some stuff. What did you tell her to do? I told her to dive under and kill them. You just told her to dive without pretending for a bit. Well, I could've just said it should. Keep going and then just dat go down. Oh fuck. So we don't have much time we sh but then it's not gonna be able to go anywhere until we step to stop that levitation stuff. No. Uh how do we stop them levitaine? You know this levitaine thing's great.

I can't believe they did it. It's so big. What the hell they do. They must be exhausted. They must want to break it. Oh, I'd love to see what that is. I'm just I'm a wizard. I've I think they got it on them. Yeah, which one? The main one. What's the main one? There's how many are there? Three, five? It's three wizards. Three wizards. And one of them on the ship? Wizards? Where are they? Where are these wizards? I'm sorry, sorry, I've got to find it. What?

The Fortescue. Excuse you again, sorry. Is the main one. Fortescue? The preamble fortescue. No, very well. And the next one? What High Priest Lucerne? Sure, yeah, yeah. Lives of the High Priest, are you writing these down? Oh yeah. High Priest Lucerne. High Priest Lucerne, yes. Go on and then the last one. Inquisitor Quang. Alright, Quang. Right. Quang. Let's go. Продолжение следует...

Oh yeah, it'd be great to see your your guardship. Yeah, they're getting a tour. Why don't we get a tour? Yeah, you can yeah, you're you seem very persuasion. You persuade it. Oh I know. Um Yeah, I've just I've just pulled it off. Oh, just Yeah, yeah, I agree, like can we uh go around your ship? So fourteen plus what? Nothing else. Uh Persuasion five. Holy shit.

persuades him enough. Oh okay. Because I rolled an eleven plus twelve. Kafifi got involved and they just dribbled and let him on. Uh yeah. Oh yeah, of course. Yeah, you're lovely. Come on board, here's my gun. Here's my gun and You could go on, uh yeah, I guess that wouldn't be a problem. Um Well those gonna seem busy, won't you just take a gentleman? Oh Gentlemen

He says, um they're not gonna respond. Let's just go, let's get on there. Just don't even worry about those. Yes. We've got time. Yes? I'm just gonna take them over to the ship, alright? Is it okay? Yes, that's fine, I guess. Uh keep an eye on them, you hear? Oh wow, look at that. Worst case scenario. Worst case scenario, I guess we all had a ship, so Fantastic.

Keep him in this whole time. Hello, yeah, you can hear Kevin just going like, you gonna let me out? No. He lies a lot. He lies a lot, doesn't he? No, no, no, we won't be letting you out. Um Okay, so this guard, let's call him Gavin, takes you over to um Takes over to the ship. Yeah, well you know, it's one of a meal. Um just uh streamers. A ship. Lovely. Uh church ship. They like'em simple but ornate. Nice wood. Um yeah you got a hold underneath so it's basically a

It's just a top deck and a deck beneath that. There's no um gun deck on this. It doesn't have cannon. it's uh fitted out to be a much more luxurious traveller. They've got large storerooms and some secure storage down below. Nice. Um and like I say, just a small crew who are like just doing shit like tightening ropes, checking things.

Swabbing the deck. But by and large, this seems to be like almost like a pleasure cruise for these uh three. Luxury. Um they were making a crossing, um, but they uh can't Nice, now that we're on it, what the hell are we doing? We need to find the wizard and we need to find their item. The wizards are on our boat. All of them? Yeah. We need to find the item.

Probably on there, but we didn't surely they'd be concentrating'cause it requires a lot of concentration. Well I imagine to levitate to such a large The levitation is it's not really currently active. Like if it tries to swim down, um it it would probably sort of like cause a stir. It wouldn't like just dive and instantly sink the ship. It would sh cause the ship to start bucking around and then the the wizards will try and re-establish the levitation spell. But right now

The giant turtle is pretty exhausted. It's been thrashing about, running around the sea for some time, so at the moment it's not really doing much. Either that or we need some jellyfish. What what? Why? Why? Eat jellyfish. Refuel, you know? Recharge. Take the stingers off. Will that give him the strength? Go on? Will that give him the strength for the shit? I think it will, yeah. So he's he's pretty tired. Right. Didn't have much to say. Most of these beasts.

Generally much of a life going on. He's he's annoyed. The only guy that can speak browser is like it's not worth it, honestly. If you could speak to him, you wouldn't want him, basically. But yeah, he eats a lot. No jellyfish, which is pretty cool. I don't know if we

And summon jellyfish randomly seems like something we can't really get hold of. That sounds insane. And he is a bit annoyed at these guys, but he doesn't know where he's going. I don't think he's taking them to where they think they're going. So do you think this plan of That we come up with is gonna work or not really. But I think it might drown their ship eventually. But it gets enough strength. With jellyfish.

Do we need to sabotage it together? We need to kill three wizards, which sounds like a really hard thing to do. Yeah. Because the thing is if we then kill them, because the idea of us staying Well, we'll keep it down, we're on their ship. If we delete the Prowess and power. Yeah, we wanna we w no no no we wanna keep this uh you know uh should I say this civil because we want to get the cash From the if we're gonna kill us. If we wanna kill hospital dead, we may as well just take the stuff.

Yeah. That's logic, isn't it? But That's true. That will require a lot of energy from our part. We need to kind of do this stealthily. I think we could probably convince this turtle to take us to the horn. Alright. Well we do need to get it. Yeah, we can't I can always talk to it again. It's only been a few minutes. How long have you got? An hour? I have an hour of Yes, I have an hour to talk to. Yeah, but I guess I could press him again at least two hours.

The wizards that everything's fine. That the turtle will obey every single command, so they don't even need Levite anymore. Oh yes. As you're talking you see the wizards are coming back up onto the deck. Oh, yeah. Just go talk to'em and say, um just pretend to obey their commands. Oh yeah yeah. Until they're out of sight of us and then

When the coast is clear and you've got enough energy, dive. But we'll have to con then we'll just convince them to break the levitation spell. Yeah, I'll do that if you convince the turtle to do it. Just um just go back and tell him. Tell him Tell him that they're gonna release the levitation spell. When they do that, obey their commands.

It's really putting me off. Obey their command until we're out of sight. Okay. Because we'd have been paid. Then you'd die. I'll try and jump in. I think he's got Hello! Oh, thank you. Likewise wonderful. Who are you talking to? Huh? No, so so you're on your you're on their ship and you're still on the deck. You're alongside each other, they're coming up, you know.

ten meters away, they're coming up from like your gun deck. So we're the shouting. They're wal yeah, you are shouting across, yeah. Okay, so you're talking about a ship. Great ship here. What do you think of our one? Oh it's wonderful. So m so many interesting innovations. It's a bit cramped and not quite as comfortable as we might like it. It's quick though, it's a quick ship. Oh it looks it's a lot of space the oh what you've done with the space on this ship is lovely, isn't it?

I love the shape of the uh sails. You've gone for the three pointed the triangles, yeah. Yeah, triangle that is it. It's a it's a motif we've tried to carry through everything. Your wheel, triangle. Triangle is no one ever thinks of it. Obviously.

Circle in the middle. One we couldn't make it the proper triangle in the middle but anyway, have you we'll come back, but have you had enough to eat and drink and everything? Yes. We're quite sated. Thank you so much for your generosity. May the triangle bless you. Now our Triton Wizard Thank you for the blessing. I'm pretty sure. He's just having a final word to make sure the sea creature is completely under your control. Ah. No magic or you know

Stress necessary. It will just obey you or something. He already fed he spoke to him once, he came back, and he's gone back again. He basically said the turtle says he's trying to obey you. Hm. But um the some you put some sort of spell on him to keep him up or something. It's like the greater levitation spell. Yeah, he says with that spell he can't

Like a he he can't control himself very well. Well yes, but we had to do that because he kept on trying to dive and and it c makes the ship awfully dangerous. He just said he wasn't he didn't understand what you were trying to do, but now he does. So you've told him we're going we're going to the Gold Tooth Isle. Yes, yeah. And he's

He's we're gonna ensure he will not dive again, just swim on the surface. You truly are miracle workers. He had no idea that's what you wanted to do. He doesn't speak like in whatever language we are. That's the thing. Well, you you get to test it out, right? When the when the Triton comes back, give it a few commands and see if it's working for ya. Okay, yes we'll do that. Where is the Triton? What do what you're doing? I'm gonna just chat to the

Oh hello again. Hey! Hey! How's it going? You right? Not much better than I was a few moments ago. Oh, nothing's changed. I'm tired. What's your name, buddy? My name. Do you have a name? No, not really. Warm? Womp Womp Womp Womp. Your leg on fire. Yes, that will do. Womp. Okay, womp. Guess what? Things have changed slightly. Uh I know you're exhausted. No, sorry, guess what? You're going to set me through. Do you know what? That is true. Yes. And it won't happen straight away because we need

We need to work together here. Uh what we're gonna do is we're gonna convince those mean old wizards at the back there that have been causing you strife and jabbing you in the ass. Um and legs and anywhere else, I guess. And your tail, bloody hell. Let's go. Are you okay? I just thought about it. Uh y it's pain is shit, isn't it? It's not good. Anyway where was I? What we'll do is we're going to make sure those wizards stop ever taking you.

But you need to promise to stay on the surface for a period of time until we're out of sight. Once we're out of sight, you have every opportunity to Dive but as fast as you possibly can. You need to do it really quick because they need The opportunity to not stop you. Anyway.

They will try and stop you. They'll just levitate me again. They certainly will try. How are you But we're going to find a way to stop them. You haven't thought about that, have you? I have not thought about that fully, but are we making them dive again? Are we making them dive again? I can't remember.

We're not there. We're not there. You've taken all the information we've got. Why don't you go and talk to your land? I can't keep going back and forth. This is so close. And then just I don't know, fucking shit on them and then die very quickly. I've tried that. Look, okay, give me a minute. I'm going back to surface real quick. Hey guys! Here he is now. Ready to go, right? The plan so the plan

Hang on, shh shh shh sh. We'll pull you up, we'll pull you up, so I can't keep pulling myself. A sword grab on the bus as well. What a time It's alright, we can say that in front of the these guys. There's no there's no secrets here. Just trying to make sure he doesn't dive. Remember. Do you want it to die? Of course he's not gonna dive. So that's the key thing here, but also they've got to obey every command. Okay, yeah. And make it very much seem like they are obeying every command.

That's fine. Until we until the point what should you do? That's what he's confused at he's Do we ever command otherwise we'll come down? Jump off the ship now. Oh, he's off again, is he? He's still in relation to the side. I imagine it's quite difficult to get the bloody thing to take in a command taking us long enough. It's a very simple picture.

Warp! Whoop. Whoop. Alright, okay, so the plan is very similar to what I just said to you. You need to obey their every command. So we're out of sight, then you need to do a really, really quick dive, and somehow we're gonna make the wizards stop doing what they're doing. That's all I need to tell you. You're a lonely person. We'll see you in a minute. How will I tell? I'm going what? How will I tell when to dive?

When we're out of sight, when we are out of sight. You look at our ship now. How will I know the levitation spell has stopped? Or you'll be able to go down then. That's a good point. Alright. That's precisely. You won't just won't feel less of a resistance on your body. I know. Again, you weren't educated. Why weren't you not educated? What kind of turtle are you? This is poor selection of schools where I'm from. That's fair enough. No, no. Fair enough.

Terrible schooling in this area. Austerity's just meant that there's just not enough giant turtle teachers. Of course. Anyway, um I'm gonna go back up to the surface again. But it's been rooted for somebody. Sorry?

Well, uh it's nice to be able to talk. Oh, it's it is nice actually. Well we've got a little bit of time if you want to talk. What's been eating you, mate? What's going on? Oh, I've been eating jellyfish. Yeah, y well without the stingers of course. Or you've been taking the stingers and it's giving you the shit. Sometimes I don't have a

Yeah, we'll t we'll try and find a nice area with jellyfish later on, once we save your ass and you save our ass. I think the thing the waters around the horn are very rich. With food. Well, we'll sort you out with some horn water. Let's just call that there. My name is Titus. I'll see you later. So So what so just clarify what is the plan now? Well I just did what you told me to do just then but we that he that he will not resist against such powerful wizards.

Mm. He said he's gonna do everything you're gonna say. He will do what you say guys from now on. So you guys can relax, you guys look tired as fuck. Yeah. Uh it's a lot to maintain. No more levitating for you. No more levitating. No need. No. It's been convinced, right? No, you don't need to level take that. I've spoken to him, he said he said he's actually absolutely fine. He if anything wants to help you. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Oh I've got

Oh, I just got a natural twenty. Really? Minus two. Minus eighteen. Minus minus fifteen fifteen plus six. So twenty. Okay, yes. Brilliant. I cannot wait for an easy cruise back to port. You could just fall asleep. Uh of course I need some proof that this works. I can't simply hand over your reward but you think that's what I mean as well. Feel free to shout a big old command at it. I'll tell you what we'll do. We'll lower a small rowboat, we'll put the chest and cache of items in there.

We'll make way and as soon as we're happy that everything's good, we'll cut off the rowboat and leave it to drift and you can come by and collect it. Why do you not just give it to us once you know that he's Well, because if it doesn't work

It doesn't work. Give it a test. Give it a test now. Doesn't mean it's a good one. Ask it to move. Yeah, ask it to do something. Should we ungrapple ourselves first? Oh. Yeah. Ungrapple. You'll have to stop the levitation thing so he can move. And then just see if he evades you. So

Prepare for moment. Do you wish to stay aboard or are you going back to your ship? We'll have a little half hopper we'll watch from the sidelines. Well, Triangulus be with you, friends. Triangulus is always with us. What a fortuitous meeting this has been. I think it was

Triangulus himself. Triangulus brought us together. Three points. To the point. He's really to the point, isn't he? At least one of the points. There are three of them. Triangles RS. That's the thing about a triangle. You never know which way you would need to have.

It's easier to just do it like this. I like it slightly on the angle, like that just that's really annoying. Represents the many paths we as human beings take. Well maybe not you total. No, it's just a triangle on the side a little bit. Bye. Yeah, oh, we're gonna go. Enjoy your nice new obedient creature. Oh right, okay, right. Um get ready, crew. Time to engage the giant turtle engine. Forwards!

Have they stopped the spell? It starts to flap its great wings. Nice job, Womph! When it drags the craft forward as it begins to move. See! You're doing great, Wormp! Try left and right. He'll do it. Left! Does not go left. What? Right! And it does turn right. Huh. He can only turn right apparently. Oh. Board. It goes forward again. Bored? It continues to go forward. Nice, it works. See? Nice one Seems to be working he yells as they're like kind of like

barreling around the sea around you, just like testing out the thing. He told me his left flipper was a little wounded, maybe that's why he didn't go left. Little woundy? Woundy! Keep him nice and fed on jellyfish. Jellyfish is a big winner! He loves jellyfish. Ah! Okay! Safe travels Well this seems to be working. Well we need payment. Have a lovely safe travel. Just keep it. I said he loves the triangle too, which is strange because I don't think you've spoken to him. Anyway. Uh safe, Johnny.

We'll be taking that cash now. Okay. Just right. Just cut the ropes. What I want you to do in order to make this kind of Interesting to see which way this goes. Titus. You're gonna roll a d20. Just a straight d20. Above 10, wait, before you roll. Above 10, the turtle follows your commands. The advice you said to wait until they're out of sight to dive. If it doesn't, if you roll below 10, it will attempt to dive now. Oh shit. Keep it a go. 50-50.

God damn Sea Creatures As he does as it succeeds his sea trials and it's going down he starts to thrash and move. And it tries to go under and you hear the crew yell, it's happening! It's happening again, it's trying to dive. And then they they bring the levitation spell into action. A semi-invisible force surrounds the turtle almost instantly and it brings it back up. It's not working, it's dashing! And it turns its head up. turns around and looks in your vague direction and goes

You're supposed to wait, you pss stupid terror beast! I hate telling you you skipped him! Stop that! It starts to panic. Stop! It starts to throw! And the the wizards start to shock it. You're making it worse! For God's sake! This is not going well at school. Oh god, it's all to do. Slow. Slows down and calms down and relaxes into the sea. That's it, just gently now. They drift along inside you. They're kind of unimpressed. The ship drifts to the other side of you and it's just like

The wizard's there, arms crossed. I tried! He didn't do what he was told. No problem. Hard to tame a beast. You must know this. You've been trying to all this time. It is difficult, we we agree. We um Well We wish this had gone better. Yeah. Unfortunately, the cash will remain in our possession as the only bartering token we have. But we fed you.

We did feed you, we do need some payment for that. You wouldn't want to come across as rude. I thought the triangle was a giving religion. Where did you hear that? I don't know. I've you just made that up. Barely respect the thing. You just made that up. What?

You just made that up! I don't make anything up! Are you trying to escalate this? How dare you! Don't escalate this! Oh clean. Classic wizard off. Son of a bitch! Tell them to eat you, but he won't. Well sit and try to ship and light! He won't even listen to me to do the basic

We will set your ship alight with a strength of a million sons. Oh I see I heard that. Wizards, calm it down. A million calm down. Fires on hell. There is no such power. There is not such power, you're right. Save that up, Shangulus.

Angulas? Correct. How about? Don't worry, I'll try and persuade him a little bit. Alright. How about all right, that didn't go quite as w as we planned, but how about we just just in trade for our time and efforts and feeding and watering all your crew and everything? How about you just give us one of your many uh weapons or armouries in payment? I'm not sure you've heard, but we're the Church of the Three Pointed Star, well, frankly, we like a gamble.

How about we uh make this interesting? Nah, just uh just a normal kind of transaction. No. He's in. Was it a street dice game? Favorite. Don't shake on it. Street dice games. My favorite. Street dice. Street dice. Nothing decides the fate better.

Than the triangle street devil. Of course, yeah. Of course. Oh that's cool. Now which game do you like to play in your uh Best of Three? Oh. Best of three? You get it? This is why I meant this is the four-sided triangle I was talking about. This is it, the four-sided triangle.

One, two, three. Well but what about the points? Do they count? Well they're not side, they're four of them. They're vertices. There's four vertices, four sides. You don't want to talk. Call yourself a triangular side. All right, best of three. Best of three. If I win, we get the cash, no questions asked, we'll be on our separate ways. And if I win? And if you win, we take the Triton as slave to control the beast. Deal! This isn't quite a big deal. BAM! First. First toss.

Well, you that. You one of one of you, you you you will roll for me. Take my holo dye, slave. Doesn't have numbers on it? Oh it does. I've got a two. A two, eh? Roll for me, slave. What is that? Three. Ha ha! One to us. Shit. That's not very good, is it? Another? These aren't very fun to roll. One! One to you. We win! No, best of three.

So what is it? If we win So it's one apiece now. You get the cash of items. If I win, we get the Triton as a slave to control the beast. I thought we could do a word. Cash me if you can, bitch. We could have gone. If we win, we're gonna be able to do that. I'm really in for gambling. If you lose. I act on impulse. It actually affects me more than. Most of you. Oh no! You're a slave now Well, well, well. This sounds poor. But I'll go with you, wizard.

We're gonna have a wizard. You will join the cadre of wizards. Your shi say goodbye to your shipmates. Bye! See ya you alright with this? I'm guessing you got some plans for this. Nah, not yet. We'll think of something times, don't you worry. Okay. How are we going? Uh you're going in the sea. Oh, I'm swimming. We're gonna attach a rope to you and you're gonna swim next to the the beast to keep it under control. You clearly have a relationship with it? Well, up to an hour.

Up to an hour. That's literally the limitation of the spell I have. Oh. Well, I'm sure we can use it for suck jobs or something. On you go. Oh my. Oh lord. Get those guppy mouths. Get those guppy looks in here. Do I have to swim still? Hmm? I can swim. You can swim. Talk to it. Th then one of the shipmates just comes over and ties a rope round your waist and then um Gone. Gentlemen, it's been a pleasure. Tight too. We lose very much there.

So that's fine. Uh good luck with your continuing journey. Thank you for the food and drink. It's been an absolute pleasure. Triangulus be with you. Triangles with you. Come on. Bye. Come on. Come on. There you go. Sorry about that. They release they release the hooks that they put on again. Hooks come off. Awkward. Forward! No, no, forward! Oh, cursed bitch! Get in there and talk to her! It's belligerent. And that is where we'll end.

Well, session 13. Uh this took longer than I thought it would. Um Thank you for watching. We will continue this. We will resolve this next session, which may be a bit of a bumper session, so we might have to start a little bit earlier. But join us for the last session of this campaign, of this season, let's call it, of booty, high seas, low expectations, where we'll find out the fate of Titus. The slave.

His compatriots are now uh what gambled him away. Literally on on three rolls of a dice, they've gambled a man away. Uh Thanks for watching. Thanks for supporting us on Patreon. Thanks for everyone just enjoying this. Have you got anything you'd like to say? No. I think you said it perfectly. You said everything. Yeah, me too. Perfect. We'll see you in the next episode, the last one of the season. Goodbye.

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