Episode 5 - Part 2: The Great Master Flagen

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Booty session five. Part two. Uh we've just come off part one where the gang finally landed the clumsy goose in Gold Toothed Town on the Gold Toothed Isle. They unloaded, met Bob and Nob, who took them and the Mankeys past Tyrone. And uh Fortune's grasp. They they coated him in great smelling poo. They then continued on and uh showed the guys up to Master Flagan's apothecary shop, where they dropped the group off.

This is where you find yourself, outside of a Potion Master shop. It says Master Flagans, Apothecary, and Spells. Well known in the town for producing all forms of Porsh uh potions for individuals, for helping farmers, for helping the local uh hospitals, things like that. He makes all kinds of things. He also does some spells. He's a very well-known wizard. А потикали спеціальні і філдові трансмутаціи.

Uh the shop in front of you is wooden. It's raised off the ground slightly on stilts with a staircase going up the front of it. You can see two windows and inside there are glow odd glowing swirling movements coming on from the inside. You notice the odd mage light sort of bob past the windows, what's creating that light. Uh not huge, it's about perhaps twenty-thirty feet wide, the store, um with a normal-size front door for a normal-sized person. Would you like to proceed inside? No.

We turn around, we take our monkeys with us, and we get back on that ship. I think this is it. Yeah. No, well we ca we can fit through the door then. You said it's a normal shop. The fact you said a normal doorway means PP probably can't get in that fucking door. Uh much bigger. I I remember Master Flagan is a gnome. Six seven foot. He's a gnome. Oh. It might be a squeeze. You'd maybe have to walk in sideways. Come on. Pivot.

So you pivot your way through this front door, both of you working together to to haul a pee-pee through this door. It's a lot of swearing in under the breath, like cursing. Just pop your head in. Why don't you pop your arms and head in? Go left. Pop your head in. There he is. Right. And he's back out again.

Clanging away. Hello, we got delivery. And you walk in and you see if you've got the uh there we go. Uh an apothecary's shop. Uh standing behind a large counter is an old gnome with Two sprouts of curly hair protruding from either side of his head. Behind uh there he is. Uh he is well dressed, um, uh quite wizened and old. He's probably, you know, approaching the last quarter of his life.

I don't know how long gnomes live, but he doesn't look like he's got long left. Uh he is behind the counter of this apothecary. Uh there's a raised floor that keeps the gnome at eye height for the average person. Behind him is a wide array of bottles and containers. Reagents and bizarre bits of animals are suspended in colourful liquids. Incense can be smelt floating in the air, and warm mage-like orbs give the apothecaries uh a mystical aura. Hello, gentlemen!

How may Master Flagon, brilliant brewmaster, master of transmutation and tamer of the arcane arts assist you today?

Oh, we're here to assist you, actually. Oh, very good. Yeah we've got your mankeys outside. Oh, Perrywinkle sent us with a load of deliveries and that for you and whatnot. Very good. Yes, I received an arcane message from her a couple of days ago. I I thought you'd be here sooner, but pleasure to see you made it here in one piece. We took down a kraken. Oh, a great beast of the deep. Yeah. Look it out.

On our own. Yeah I did. It was pretty crazy. Yeah, we all worked together on that. Yeah with them and uh we powerful wizard is. Yeah. What's your best trick? Ah, well, I I can't show you here. Oh, but what what have you done? Can you describe it? I am a master of transmutation, young man. Alright, exactly. I can change you or I into anything. At all. You turn me into a dragon?

I could, yes. You turned him into a dragon? I could, yes. What about him? Have you seen this one though? No, not him. Uh. Oh, witch! Witch! Witch! It's just my fun. Kapi P does the thumb trick. For those not watching. No. I have received a message. Uh yes, you have for me a delivery, I believe. Uh was it uh the the mutant monkeys mixed up with my apprentice? And uh some minimal crowds. The stones, the stones, very good, very good. Oh. We're expecting some payment for this delivery.

Yeah. Oh yes, of course, of course, of course. And he ramages underneath his his desk and uh season shopping out there. Good thing that all these monkeys came back in one piece. Puts a bag of coin on. I counted before you arrived. Uh eight hundred and seventy-five gold? Sounds about right? We're gonna have to count that again. Okay, well uh I guess I'll have to ramage him up. You won't see him, but he'll see you. Unseen servant.

And then we've got to be able to desk or something that we can just I was just gonna he's gonna start. Yeah, so in in in the apothecary you in front of you is the main sort of like bar. It's like going into a pharmacy, right? So he's he's stood behind the the main uh desk. But off to your sides you've got a few little tables and things that have various little curios and bits and bobs for sale.

Yeah, you can you can count. You can you the the servant can use that table to count. While he's doing that, is it alright if we just get a receipt for it just to prove that we've uh Of course, of course, no problem. Yeah. And he he'll he'll pull out some vellum and uh a quill. And very um ornately draws like a thing, you know, like, on behalf of Master Flagan, I can confirm that I have received the promised good.

And payment has been made of the appropriate amount. Signed, Master Flagan, he turns it to you. Would you care to sign? Yeah, who shall I make it out to? Master flakeem! Master flakeem! All the best, love all my fans, sticky mickey. Faithfully. Just stick it in the middle there. I've squeezed it in like you do when you write a birthday card. Thank you very much, and he pulls the quill out of your hand and then slides it back.

And then does a little thing with his hand and press the digitation, the ink dries. All very fancy. Very good. Did we get a copy of that? Sure. And he picks up another piece of vellum, gets this piece of vellum, and goes. Carbon copy. And then bam, instantly the entire thing is just there on the new piece of battery.

Well, I guess you said I am. I I could be, yes, I could if I wanted to. But then, frankly, my boy, I can turn lead into gold. Yeah. Well, I can do this. I'd pull out this one foot pole that we've got that then turns into GROW The ten foot pole expands inside this shop. Jesus, I'm knocking everything. I mean the shop is barely wide enough for this to happen. clatters into a bunch of things on the shelf. Jesus! He ducks behind he ducks behind the desk as this polar. Shrink! Wow.

And he gets back up from behind the desk like Very good. Uh do you mind getting your unseen servant to pick up some of the things he's just knocked off for me? Oh yeah, can you just sort this mess out? Thank you. He'll do it. I haven't seen him. He's still you won't be able to see him. He's unseen. Ah. He's an unseen servant. You must have heard of that maybe sometime. I have no, I knew I knew the spell myself, it's very useful. Yes, it is useful. Master Flagin.

And I know we're just the couriers here, but I'm intrigued. The Mankeys in the intern situation. Mm. Can we get some light shed on that whole messed up mess? That's I mean the Manke's are really fucked. You're right, you're right. Um uh where are the outside? Oh yeah, in a cage. Okay, I'll open a side gate. Uh you bring them round. I've got a I've got a uh a a back room where um we do some of the more complex magic, let's say. You may have noticed uh a little friend of yours.

Floating around. Oh Of course, Terence! Terence. Well, you're looking well? Are you well? He's very well. The rabbit does not understand what I'm saying. Did you know he can do this? Oh, he's knocking everything over. It's really knocking some things over. Uh yes, uh he he has a unique gut biome that allows him to rapidly digest uh various matter and create m vast quantities of gas. We did notice if he eats certain things

Is gas does different things like gas. Sound curious. Yeah, sounds good. Oh, I delight in things like that. Oh, I'm sure you do, you wouldn't. I do. Would you care to bring the mankeys around the back? I'll um and he's sort of like getting ready, shuffling a bit. I'll go round, you go outside, bring the mankees round, I'll open the side gate. Alright. Okay. Yeah, Tort will be right on it. I'll just gonna have a look around the shop.

Oh god, tuck in. You might want to be more accommodating for different species of uh Gold Tooth Isle and the uh bordering islands. You might wanna extend your door a little bit, maybe transmute it to a bigger door. I tell you what, when you've got a shop, you can decide how to run it. Maybe a ramp at the front as well, so there's not just the steps. No, no, no. No ramp. My one rule. My one rule. We can't get you through that, I'm gonna make I'm gonna shrink you.

You don't wanna know what that looks like. I can get through. We if I got in I can get out. I'm just worried about Terence. We might have to squeeze Terence's tummy a little bit to get him to eat. Once you inflate himself. There you go. Still the remnants of the smell is beautiful. God it stings the eyes in it. He's a crime. Alright, I'm getting out of there. Someone rolls me out. Roll me out. Thanks, Sword. Flaps the stink out the front door as as Kipipa pushes through it.

Um I help rolling out. Right, you uh you you see Master Play you can go back behind through the back door behind his uh his counter and then you hear some clutter and clanking and then to the side there's a small like you know, it's not very wide, just about wide enough for the trolleys to get through.

a gate that he opens to the side. He's like, Come, come, come He's much smaller. He's only about two and a half, three feet tall now, so uh he's not on his raised platform. Come, yes right, bring him through here. Coming through. Now Perry Inkle said uh that you know, unfortunately some of the Mankeys had an accident and it's not the full amount of monkeys that had the intern in him.

So but he was like, oh Flavor's a master and be able to bring him back and also don't really care about the intern much. Is that something we get to see today?

Are you interested in seeing it? I'd like to see what you can do with these mankeys. Okay, okay. Well come around to my back room. So you follow him round. You're on the back room here. Was it Perry Winkle's idea to make the mankeys, or was that your intern's idea? Now our apprentice, Joe. He was interested in learning the arts of transmutation. As you may have seen on Periwinkle's Island, she uh is very good at combining

Uh change and tailor things to be better than they are. It is, it's a wonderful island. I loved I I visit there as frequently as I can. Yeah well I I put more defences up mate'cause Corsairs are running rampant. Oh they're ravaging the place, are they? Yeah. Uh I think that coral is is doing a good job.

But it's not around the whole island, is it? Exactly. She needs to grow more, but it's in i a very intensive and and a slow growing thing, coral. Very sensitive, uh, but it it is a wonderful creation she created. Anyway, come through and he opens through this back this this sort of heavy wooden door opens to this sort of large contained room behind his his shop on stilt. So this one's actually a stone um room attached to the back of uh this. It's qu it's quite large, it's probably, you know

It's sort of s almost like a small stone warehouse behind behind it. It's uh thirty, forty feet long. Why don't you make this a storefront? It's way bigger. Well, because it's devoted to more Well, let's say less customer-facing exercises, and as you go in, in the back room, Flagan is set up like an elaborate arcane circle with straps and chains and holding cells.

and in the holding cells are lots of strange s sort of sedated animals and um the odd skeleton is in there as well. He this is like his research room for doing things that Aren't necessarily evil.

But are certainly to the layman's eye pretty sketchy looking. Oh yes, bring bring bring me bring the monkeys in, set them down there, set them down there. And uh he starts putting out these little like Chairs, they're like little stools. They're almost like they're sort of wooden stools for children. Oh thank you. I need to have a sit down. You s you wanna sit on one? Yeah, I'm sat down. It explodes underneath me.

What are my chairs? My bun. You shouldn't just sit on anything you see. You shouldn't sit down in here. It's bloody dangerous. I thought you were bringing chairs out for us. No, no, no, no, these aren't for you. They're tiny. Look at you. Sorry. Big monstrosity. Sorry. Great big oak. Coming in and he's up. He's backing my shop. He's backing my store. I thought you were giving me a chair to have a sit-down after carrying the man keys.

We've had a very long journey. Word of advice? Perhaps ask me before you do something next time. Now keep your hands to yourself. Stand very still. May I stand here very still and keep my hands to myself? You don't need to ask permission for something I've just told you to do. Clearly don't understand. How many kids have you killed? What? Out of curiosity, how many children have you murdered? What species?

Well, of any species. Of any species? Yeah. Well how many young sheep have you killed? Well, loads. Well then loads. Ridiculous amount. Yeah, I say. Okay, what about your own species? Have you killed any dwarfs? No, I'm a no, he breaks his back. I'm very sorry about that. Sometimes I just don't I don't see a difference. You're species blind. I'm species blind. That may make navigating this world somewhat. It does, but I talk to everyone as if they're all dwarfs. Anyway. Uh are you a murderer?

Yes and no. Okay. Alright. Just be careful while we're here. Because I feel like he might push his luck. You really think he was a dwarf? I feel like he was well look. I don't know. Sometimes it's hard I d look, it doesn't matter. Tys, you got a lot to learn about surface mate. Oh I know, look, he doesn't have gills, that's different to me. Um anyway. The way he spoke to K Pee P I thought he'd give me a s he might kill you.

You might not consider totals like you might consider you like an experiment rather than like. They were taste. Let's make sure we get some turtle before we leave. Oh yes, there's a lovely uh grill down the uh to Turtle Bay, I think it is um down down the road. Um turtle day, yeah. So lovely grill, they specialise in um Do they Galapolian tortai. Right, okay. It's a meal and a drink.

Yes, you get to choose one from the tank. Oh I mean alone. You can pick him. I love turning. I just don't feel like to eating it again. It's insensitive, of course it's insensitive. It's insensitive to the mention it and we're not going to be able to do it, but it's just my uh lifestyle choice, though I

Okay, well anyway, um and then he starts laying out these these small wooden chairs and the chairs themselves have like clips for the legs and clips for the arms, like metal shackles that go over the arms and around the legs. And he lays them out in a circle in this arcane circle, right? And he's like Okay, right, I'll put the chairs down. You lot, start breaking open the chests and uh the cages and put put put a mankey on each of these seats. How many have we got here? Ten?

Oh, how many did we bring back this? One. Looks like ten to me. No, that's that's two the uh two asses are on one there. Oh yeah, that's just the one. Sorry, there's ten. That one's got two asses, hasn't it? Yeah, that's the two arsed one. God damn. Uh alright, we'll just bodge him in. Alright. Hey hey, is it rude of me to say that The top of his head looks like an arc.

Yeah. It's a bit of a sidebar. I mean that's normally quite a bit. Just a bit of a sidebar. I know from a deep. Especially when he follows his brows. Oh I wouldn't say anything if I were you. Oh you make a cough. A trident's always just like forward with other trident. You look like a fucking fish. I think things have changed to me. The the kraken changed me. The kraken did? It was a big deal for me. Alright. I never killed somebody so

And so honest. I've just been putting out the monkeys while they're while you're moving again. Did I tell you to move? Yes, you said put the monkeys on the move. Very good, you're paying attention now. I like that. It was a test, was it? Yeah, it's a test. It was just a test. Okay, right. Is it clipping in the man keys? Right, okay. I'm not touching the two butthole one though. I'll put the other ones in. Do you want me to touch that one?

But it sounds like you like that. He pulls it out by one of its two long arms. You know, like one of his arms is like way longer than the other and just like pulls it out of its cage and this like lump of meat is essentially hanging from one long arm and these two asses are at the bottom, just like the pendulus, like just hanging from the arm. It's like good god. This is disgusting, isn't it? And he puts it in

Tries to like like a lot of these are so like unhumanoid now at this point because of how messed up they are. He's just sort of looking and trying to work out which bits to clamp. You know, like like he's like, well I guess that's kind of in. Is this a common thing when you transmutate? They just end up turning into kind of like m bubose versions of themselves or other creatures.

If the double bugs. If the enchantment, if the ritual is wrong, then one hundred percent. When you're really constituting life itself, the essence of beings, the makeup of what makes them then. If nothing if if everything is not perfect. You were going to have aberrations. And this is an example of a an extreme aberration, let's say. My apprentice was extremely foolish to be messing around with magic he was not ready for. And this is the result. Yeah. What's your favourite thing to transmute?

I like lead to gold. Oh. That's a good one. That's a good one. You do that often? Is it lead's actually quite hard to come by. Oh right. We there's not a huge amount of lead around here. We we we have to ship it over. Um But that's a freebie, that's a Oh exactly. I mean honestly I uh sometimes wonder why I even run a business at all. It seems odd. I do it for the joy of it. I'm old.

I've got plenty of money. Do you do stones to gold or stones? No, well it depends. Th there needs to be elements it's very complicated for Are you a wizard? Do we have any lead on the ship? No, I'm not. Do we have any lead? Thought of it. Seven. How did you do that? Yeah, see? Ah he's good. So different you and I. Is he a witch? He's not. That's the thing. He did the thumb thing. He did the thumb thing. Do it again. That's two. That's two strikes. That's two strikes. Stop doing that.

Stop it. You'll end up like a monkey. I think that that's what the mage was doing when this happened. He's doing parder tricks. Possible and real magic. Mixed together makes a monkey with two asses. Alright, remember that. Rice. Good thing to remember. Okay, elephant, stand back. And um

I'm nowhere near this circle. I don't wanna be part manky. I don't wanna be accidentally yeah. He steps into the middle of this circle where he um there's the circle itself on the floor. Each of the segments or the circle is divided up into segments, and a mankey in a chair is put into each of these segments, right? In the center

There is a smaller circle, which is sort of almost dug into the ground. It's like a bowl. Leading to that bowl are little uh gutters, let's say. And these gutters meet at the bottom of each. You can see what's going on. You can kinda tell what's about to happen. So he stands in front of this bowl.

He raises his hands and he's in this in this really weird shape, doesn't really fuck it with his fingers. Alright. And then he puts it out behind, closes his eyes and concentrates. And then grips with his hands. And as he grips... Suddenly all of the monkeys the monkeys they're unconscious because they're sedated.

Are like pulled towards him. But because of their m manacles, they're held fast against the seats. And they pulled and they keep pulling the manacles and he pulls harder and he tenses his hand and he starts bringing his two hands back down towards his chest. And as he does that, The fur fur starts to pull from the bodies of these men. Just tufts and bits of hair where it's weak to start to come fly. Just don't breathe in. Eyebrows. Butt hair, body hair, all begin to tear.

Some of the Mankey style Okay, some of the monkeys are like Oh Christ. Sleep again. Sleep again. And their mouth, field trap. Just closed completely. There's nothing there anymore. It's just a fucking. I love it. And then he goes.

He goes back to the cruise formation. He's pulling them in, pulling them in tight, and he starts to levitate off of the ground now. He's about two feet off the ground. They explode, they explode. You can feel the energy in the room. The pressure in the room is changing as everything.

In the room seems to want to sort of start to move towards him. Bits and plates and instruments and things on the side of the wall are starting to slowly like get dragged towards him as if it's like magnetized almost. But they're okay, they're holding fast. Inside the circle, however, that force is much stronger.

As the hair leaves the last mankey, next comes the skin. The skin rips off of the mankey. Oh don't look away, good peepee! Look! I wanna learn. Look at that. I'm pulling the sheet off of a table. The skin comes off. All of this whips into the center and above the surface.

the ball hovering a few feet above it, all of the flesh and skin and hair is now forming a perfect sphere. Oh fucked up it's a flesh ball with hair. As the flesh comes, as the skin peeping look! I can't look. Keep looking, keep watching, you won't learn. He's f his broken hand i his his his tight hands, he's pulled the the circle together. Now he puts his hands back out. He points at the now skinless bodies and he pushes his hands down.

Down towards the ground. As he does that, all the meat, all the blood on the skeletons of the mankees pushes down, dripping, flowing in huge globules. It drops down beneath the sea into the Beneath the seats, and then it changes again once more. It almost boils and becomes very, very liquidy and runs down in a uniform shape. Each one at the same time, the liquid runs.

Don't about you, Kapipi, but this is pretty witchy to me. I'm facing the wrong way, I'm facing the corner. I don't want to. Tony, this is great, right? Oh, I'm kinda hungry. Yeah. Finally, after he's pulled the all the liquid into the bowl underneath the Once more, he he points his hands outwards and Of of of the of the mankees. Clip themselves, essentially.

from whatever their manky shape was into individual bones and they flow and float gently into the middle. They seem to arrange themselves and some of the things that we're going to sort of tearing up. The th they arrange themselves these phones. They start they start to move into the shape, the rough shape of a human being. They the the the bits that were once Mankey's brows, Mankey's hips, Mankey's legs, Mankey's arms.

Are now rebuilding individual limbs as as the bones themselves gently line up. And that the the the force is receding now. Um as as the fluid in the bowl gently settles, as the sphere hovers there quietly. The skeleton has knit itself together. The meat then flows gently, it it it floats towards the skeleton and starts to stitch itself onto all of the different bits of the skeleton now. Bits of meat globules flow from the main sphere.

And and form muscles, they form uh abdomen, they form all the bits you start to recognize, the glutes, the ants, the Do a little bit look like they're just two ounces from a mankee, I will say. It's not particularly perfect. The meat is coming in now. And then finally, he takes the the skin.

And the liquid. With one hand he gestures the liquid up out of the bowl, flings it onto and into the meat soup, and then finally with his right hand he gestures again, the skin flies onto the body now and wraps as if it's being vacuum sealed. around this thing. Hair bursts from the top of the hair. hair bursts from the armpits, hair bursts from the chest.

All of a sudden, standing in front of him is a really ugly little Dude. He opens his eyes, looks at the gnome, and as the gnome drops down back down to the floor with his feet on the ground, Gnome says, Hello, Jovan. Joven looks down at him. Joven is a monkey man now. He can't really speak. He's he's a Joven I bought some and that's it, the ritual is complete.

All of the meat the the the in the in the seats now you see there's no there's nothing left in the seats. The chairs are now once again just wooden chairs. Or every element of them, every little bit of liquid, bone, fat, skin is made up into this human being. There's nothing left. The stones are clean again, dry again, everything is how it started. And instinctively it just claps.

That is how you bewilderment. Is it done? Yeah, it's done. It's done. Turn around. Holy shit, that was ins that was intense. That's how you turn a monkey or several monkeys into what roughly resembles a human being, but And he walks up to him and like gestures to him and like Javen decide Joven like bends down and he's just like he taps him on the head and he's like, No, not much of him's in there. Not much.

He's three he's missing a couple of them. He'll do. There were a few mankeys. Seems a bit dumb. But I guess I can use them around the shop.

Carrying things, moving things, pushing things. Put some clothes on Joven. Honestly, that whole build up was Insane. Uh your presentation, flawless. The way you like built up the whole like, oh fuck what's coming next? Oh flesh ball. I loved that bit. That was great. But the payoff was a bit shit. I will say. Yes, well, you know. You could work on that for a show like'cause obviously I'm in show I'm in show business. Yes. You you could go on tour with this.

Kind of thing, you could, you know, be the magic man. You love doing that stuff. Why why hide it in the back of a warehouse, mate? People want to see a flesh. The the the great flagan has come to town for this week only. You would sell out theatres, mate.

Although again I know money isn't an issue for you. Exactly. I all I would ask is that you tell my story far and wide. You're a bard, right? Yeah, I tell those I'll do it in song. Exolute, absolute. Tell them of my potions, tell them of my abilities, tell them if they need a problem solving that Master Flagan can often be the solution. Much like the liquid in my vial. You build a brain? Have I got a brain? Could you build a brain? I could build a brain. You build him a brain?

Poor guy's just making monkey noises over there. He is pretty dumb. Arguably The brain is an incredibly complex thing. And it wouldn't be him, would it? If it wouldn't be him, it would be a new brain, I think. Can you take a brain from another

creature and then place it into his brain. Oh yes. Something I've never done before. Like a monkey brain. I can show you how to do that. Oh my goodness. Well I mean we've got to how much time do we have in that would have kept the monkeys in that case. Well you look around and there are like some strange creatures around there's normal monkeys. How'd you make this one then? And I point a Terrence. But Terence? Yeah, what happened to you? It was a lovely creation by Hershey.

Similar sort of spell with the whole like tearing apart creatures and making one big one. No, no, it wasn't quite so visceral as this, but uh combination of course, yes. Uh she she favours breeding over raw reconstruction. Uh if you if you get my drift. Does she take part in it? There's no bit of periwinkle in this Terence is there. There's no part of periwinkle in Terence. I don't know what she does in her private time, but uh Terence know he is he is a species, a rare species of horned rabbit.

That she enhanced elementally uh through various means. But no Terence is one of a kind with his uh particular unique microbial culture. Now, say for example, there's an individual, or maybe a trio of kind, that own a hat. And in that hat, when we put that hat on, specifically when we're on a boat, I mean these other guys, Tree are on a boat, and they put the hat on, suddenly a whole ghost crew appears. Yes. Is there a way to take them? and transmute them into people.

The spirit. I would have to see the magic in person to be able to tell you. I'm not sure. We got a hole. I'll slap a hole in the floor. You're talking about us. They're in there. Hey guys. Oh wow, the portable hole. Well, I haven't seen one of these in some time. Yeah, carefully. It's steep.

Those are my barrels. Oh my god. Oh yeah, that's the rest of your point. Yeah, let's lift those up. Can you s start pass those up? Thank you. There's Barry. See there's there's one. That's Barry. Uh Oh, hello hello Barry. You ain't man! We They gotta wear those gloves to see too. Interact. I can't place the accent. No, nobody can. N no one can. It's a struggle. That's his love of Dinky. First mate. Hello? Hello there. And the other fucking kid. Oh yeah. Stay down there. I'm Kevin.

No, wait, no, I'm Steve. Oh, hello, Kevin. Steve. See there? Like. They're a horrible, you know, crash and they died and stuff, but Michelsalgo gave'em a new lease of life in the form of uh Unending death, I guess, in a way. They're just spirits bound to a hat. Oh, this is Mickle's doing. Yeah. I wouldn't want to step on his feet. Oh really. Well What can you tell us about Mickle? He is a influential man. A good man. A good man still. Uh he is a very good thing.

Like many here, uh, made his fortune uh through adventuring through the thousand teeth. They are not all good and bad, and the line is somewhat blurred here in a thousand teeth, but he has helped me in the past, he helped me set up my shop. He is well liked by many. Ah This I I know he has a great ship, a great adventuring ship, uh with many magical elements to it. I presume this is one of them. I couldn't tell you specifically what this is.

But appears to be some form of shade or What have we told you? We sailed that very ship to bring you your goods back. Well, I'm I feel honored that they're gonna be transported in such a way. That sound like a VIP courier experience that would maybe have a premium charge associated with such Oh no, absolutely not. Doesn't sound VIP at all. No, I'd hard imagined a premium charge but actually. Uh you can uh persuade me. Look how persuasive a seventeen is. Persuasion of minus one. Sixteen.

Well oh oh well no oh yes true. I s I s I like I like uh I like I wouldn't I I hope that would go to Michelsauga, of course, w for as a token, perhaps from me. So he knows will he know that I Tipped his carriers. The very notion of pocketing that money ourselves. Maybe vom a little in my little hobgoblin esophagus. Oh we are nothing but honourable. Eh?

This trio. There's a lot of honours. Yes? Yeah. Is that from the one that breaks my seats and breaks my potions? No, I thought you were giving me a seat. He's a little clumsy, but he's got a good arm. I got a good arm. A thick shell. And a nice heart as well. A thick shell. Yeah. Quite thick. We've not drilled through it yet, we should try. I've got a thick shell. You won't offend me easily. Right, that's he seems quick to anger, but that with a thick shell. What are you saying? Indeed. Yeah.

Uh yeah, well what what what were you thinking? How much were you uh what do I still owe you? Was it s seventeen fifty over two uh half now, half later? I reckon like half again would be lovely. Oh wow. Oh do you? Yeah. Look, I can give you perhaps How about a couple of potions? Interesting. What kind of potions? Well, we could brew one together if you like. Can I get a potion that makes me float above the stage in my next act? So that I can f do the end of my gig. Off in the air.

Yes. Tigers can just do levitate on you, mate. What are the limitations of the floor? Then again, you'd have to have to have tires around other things. You've got to be careful what you wish for from a from a guy like this. Sorry? You've got to be careful what you wish for from a guy like this. You've asked to levitate but for how long? Where's it gonna take you to? Are you gonna end up in the ship? So I'd be more specific. I would like to levitate ten feet above the ground.

For thirty seconds with this potion. Sounds very specific. And I'd like the potion to be usable five times. And I'd like it to not affect my body in any other way. And I'd like it to gently float me back down to the stage again when it's done and not drop me and break my leg. This sounds like a truly bespoke potion. I'm not sure I have the time. Um you just wish for more wishes, right? I'd like a potion for more wishes. Oh god. Wish? Well that is a spell, but not one that should be used lightly.

So easily of something so powerful. Could I have a potion that makes more potions? A potion maker. I well, I do have a special jug you may be interested in. Why don't you come round to the shop now that uh Joven, just tidy up in here or something. Um Bless him. He he takes you back to a main door that actually connects the warehouse up into the back of his shop. Uh come up, come up. Yeah, I I did mean to have a look around. What was your name?

Uh kipe, but you probably already know me as sticky Mickey. I don't. Um I will uh so so he he reaches behind um his desk, pulls out this this interesting looking jug. It's a large clay jug with a capacity of about three to four litres. And it's got a bunch of different corks with tips sticking out of it. So imagine you have a regular jug with a sort of a wine type cork top in the top.

Around it uh around its waist are other corks. This is known as an alchemist's jug, he says. This ceramic jug appears to hold roughly a gallon of liquid and weighs twelve pounds, whether full or empty. Yeah, and it holds it up and you can hear like a sloshing sounds. It sounds like it's got liquid in it. You may use your action or your choice at your choice. Name one liquid from this list I will give you in a moment.

It will cause the jug to produce the chosen liquid. Afterward, you can uncork the jug as an action and pour the liquid out, up to two gallons per minute. The maximum amount of liquid the jug can produce depends on the liquid you name. Once the jug starts producing a different liquid, it can produ umce the jug starts producing a liquid, it can't produce a different one, um or more of one that has reached its maximum until the next dawn.

Essentially, you specify each day what this jug will do, and it will pour out a certain amount. The things that this jug can produce are the following. Oh god. Oh wow. Eight ounces of it? Nice. Or rather, let's call it a litre. Basic poison, half litre. We'd have to start with that. Sixteen liters. Sixteen liters of beer. Honey. Four liters. Mayonnaise. Oh. Tulies. Toulips, mayonnaise every single day. Well, there's very specific things. Vinegar.

Fresh or salt water, and finally wine. Uh can we have a list of that? I'd like to let it be. He had a classic acid day. We just have an acid day. Day after I was like, Oh I'll I would my some honey in my tea. Is there any residual acid in that honey? You can have an acid day immediately followed by a honey day without any real worry. It just cleans itself.

Uh yes, it's self-mazing and can I do the same liquid each day? Could I do beer and then beer? You simply specify at the beginning of the day what you The jug to produce. And then Friday wine. It's the end of the week. Friday's wine. Wine on Fridays. Wine Fridays. Yeah. Exactly. Same in mind. Alright. Always one for us. This is what I am willing to provide to you as a tip for your excellent care and the premium courier.

Uh upon the fat duck. You reckon that's phenomenal. It looks like that. Mikael will love that of course,'cause that's where it's going. Very good. Thank you. Give him my regards. Uh is there anything else I can do Fues Day? I am a shop. If you wish to spend any gold No you're not, you're a little gnome. God, you can keep that one. God. You own a shop. He owns a shop. But you're not a shop. What do you have to sale?

I have many, many potions. Oh god. Uh I have um Is it like an Argos catalog? Can we just have a catalogue? I can I can't. Give us your greatest hits. Come on. Just the top three top lines. Top three. What's the best sellers? Come on. I hate coming to the phone. I have a potion here of animal friendship. When you drink this potion you cast the animal friendship spell. Uh It allows you to charm an animal. I have a potion of clairvoyant. One that allows you to remote view.

I have a potion of climbing, a potion of flying. A potion of gaseous form which will turn you into gas to allow you to slip beneath doors between cracks. In Windows, you name it. Wow. The potion of flying really got my attention there. That sounds very similar to what I was asking for for the end of my shows. What's the specifics of this?

No, this is a very rare potion. Am I in full control? You gain a flying speed equal to your walking speed for one hour, and you can hover. If you're in the air when the potion wears off, you fall unless you have some other means of staying aloft.

You should probably have a little rope then. He holds it up and the potion is a clear liquid, um and it floats on top of its container and has a cloudy white impurities drifting in it. So the bottle itself, the liquid is actually floating in the top of the bottle and there's a gap underneath. And that's one use, is it? I just that is one use and it will last for one hour. What if I just take like a sip of half the bottle? Is that like half an hour?

If I can do like five minutes. No, you can't. You have to drink the whole thing. Okay. I'm not keeping track of that. Okay. How much? For you, 50 gold. Forget it. How long does it how does it last? How long did it be? It allows you to fly, god damn it. That's a pretty good one, isn't it? Lines up there. Did you say fifty or fifty? Fifty. Five zero. Forget it. What does gaseous formulator do?

Yassius form Well I should know, I can do it. You tell it. You transform a willing creature you touch along with everything it's wearing and carrying into a misty cloud for the duration. While in this form, the target's only method of movement is a flying speed of ten feet. The target can enter and occupy the space of another creature.

The target has a resistance to non-magical damage and has an advantage on strength, dexterity, and constitutional saving throws. The target can pass through small holes, narrow openings, and even mere cracks. though it treats liquids as though they were solid surfaces. The target can't fall and remains hovering in the air even when stunned or otherwise incapacitated.

While in the form of a misty cloud, the target can't talk or manipulate objects, and any object it was carrying or holding can't be dropped, used or otherwise interacted with until they regain their full form. If I was to enter someone's lungs, what can I do from that? You won't be able to do anything until you reform into a solid phone. So I'll have to stay in there for like an hour. For an hour.

Why would you want to stay in someone's lungs? I don't know. I'm just trying to think of what happens when it wears off. He regains his physical form. While he's inside their lungs? We'd have to find out. I've never seen it happen. Curious. It's not a kink, is it? Where you just want to be. I just want to be sucked in through the most extreme way possible. Sounds a bit dangerous. Busting up someone's lungs. I can do that at some point, so we don't need that as a spell.

Alright. So that one we can g rule that one out. You have been keeping all our money, haven't you?'Cause I've got to be a little bit more than a lot. How much have we got? Our Unseen Servant, is that correct amount? Uh I think so. In which case we have a total of seven thousand seven hundred and seventy five big ones. That's but we do want to buy a ship. We do want to buy a ship, so let's not go too much.

Apothecary man. Are you a shipman? I would not know. I am I'm a potion master and a wizard. Do I look like a man that works with his hands beyond the water? What's quite used in the best shipwright? Yes, yes. If you if you uh head out the front door, turn left and head along the waterfront, uh after a twenty minutes or so of walking you should get to the shipwright region, where many of our best shipwrights will be there to help you uh choose a ship.

If we get a ship. Yes. Have you got anything that can make the ship magical in any way. Like give us an advantage. Like have you got anything that can speed it up, make it invisible, make it go underwater for a bit. Have you got any of that? Give it a ghostly I want to know what you've got, what your price is so we know What our budget is for a ship so we can still get his magic stuff. Basically we're coming back to you, don't you worry.

I I very much encourage that and I thank you for your consideration. I would have to I could perhaps develop some form of paint or oil that could be applied to the uh the ship. Hull, perhaps? I I would need to see the ship. I mean it would take a huge quantity of paint or oil, but perhaps I could do something that was perhaps imbued with greater strength. Perhaps I'm And how much would it cost?

I mean my boy, you're talking about uh what size ship here exactly? Just your caravel. A caravel. So but Forty, fifty metres long, at least. Who knows? Uh you're My friend, you're talking thousands of gold to develop thousands of gold. Probably. I mean I might be able to do it for hundreds. It really depends on the Can you quote us so we can come back and show you lead? Well, isn't that an idea? It's an extra step, sure.

That's an interesting idea, perhaps see what you can see if you can find me some lead. We can turn some of it into gold. We'd have to pr we'd have to procure the paint and oil still. We'd have to we tanners perhaps or or some form of um industrial complex that produces these things. Perhaps whale oil might work. I don't know. We could we could perhaps use that as a solution. I need a vast amount of liquid that will hold an enchantment.

Okay, well it's good to know that this is possible. Could you do anything that this jug can make? Like I can make liquid from this, we could save it up over like a month. Can you use that? Y you're probably gonna need longer than a month, but yes. I it produces let me see, oil. Uh one quart. Let me find out what it is in real money. One second. Bear with me. That isn't very much a at all uh It is

One quart is is one liter. So you can produce one liter of oil a day. You're trying to cover a ship that is at least fifty meters long. Uh-huh. And that's only its length. So you need to think about its cubic size. About a week, three days. Three, four months, maybe. Oh, we could save it up on our voyage to come back. Yes, I do tell me where you decide to store thousands of tons of shape.

Obviously. Well t t tell you what, you come back to me when you've got the appropriate liquid, but oil would work, yes. The oil that this k this can produce would have the appropriate properties.

Very quickly, I do have w one of my most popular potions here. And and and this one I can do for steel. Ten gold. I'm I I I've got a few of these made, they're very popular. And he pops out like a little tiny little blue like vial. This is a potion of growth. You drink this potion to gain the enlarge effect. It's very popular with uh the older men. Uh The effect of this is for 1d4 hours, so up to 4 hours, you can enlarge or reduce.

Something size. I'll take it. Okay. Ten gold, please. I haven't got it. Have you got any thoughts? That is your name, right? I have got fifteen golds. How many of those can we have? Yeah, how many you got? Yeah. He looks into his tray. I've got five. Oh. Three's fine. Three sh yeah, one each. Thirty gold. Are you handling the money on this one or you uh company? You got the company card, don't you? I got the company gold. Thirty, twenty five bundle discount.

Bundle discount? Sure. Lovely. We did. Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir. Oh, there we go. Thank you, gentlemen. Uh do come by if you need any more specific requests and try not to uh forty meters squared of oil. Such a challenge. You know what I I look forward to the day. Frankly. Uh it's it's been wonderful uh meeting you. Uh the the the gallons of uh the barrels of Wonder Grow, the stones you've given me, the Miracle Grow

Uh liquids are stored in the back. And your new little lackey. And the apprentice who's even dumber than when he started. And the autograph. And the autograph. You will know who I am. That's just a receipt. Most people call that a receipt. No. Um Is there anything else I can do for you today?

Probably gonna see my fair share of uh Mankeys having their flesh and bodies and skeletons torn apart and put together. We've got a meeting with Mickle soon actually. Yeah. Don't know why I'm looking at my wrist. You're right. Yeah, the sun's going down in it.

I'd like to quickly see actually no, yeah, let's get our money from Mikkel first and then we'll see how much money we've got for a ship and then we'll go see a ship right. They'll probably be closed by the time we come out of there. Actually, we'll have to see'em tomorrow. That much time hasn't passed yet. Seven o'clock was your meeting with Mickle. Uh it's only about midday now. Maybe we can go have a look at the ships first then. Maybe we can get some lunch.

I'll wait outside. We'll get one to go. We'll get a sandwich to go. So you step out left out of the front of the shop. In front of you there is a waterside walkway, essentially. It's um paved. Um with the beach in front of beyond that and uh like piers and pontoons and things coming off of that beach. To your left you have the street, and all along that are vendors and sellers selling things on blankets, selling things from lean to, selling things from proper shops.

There are occasionally inns and bars and things like that. What would you like to do? You're turning left, I imagine. I think we should. We're looking for a big turtle sign. Okay. So not too long. You you're walking along five minutes or so, moving through the busting street. Uh sword, you feel tugging at your waist. You look down and a street urchin is trying to take one of your purses. Fuck off!

I dropkick him. You dropkick the street urge? Yeah, okay. You kick him. Go! Oh sorry. Get out of here, you scamp! Oh And then he goes. Scoundrel! Who the hell steals from someone else? And behind you, a couple of big, like half-sharp.

um Salakai, they they they see this as going on and they like step out and they're like, ooh, what's going on here then? That little shit was trying to steal my stuff. Oh yeah, we've had some problems with them and you realise that these guys are like the militia basically. They've got like big clubs and stuff in here.

You wanna watch yourself, you little scamp. Otherwise you might end up getting eaten. And like you you think he thinks that that's like a clever pun, but you're look you just look at him and you're like, this guy genuinely gotta eat this kid. Yeah, yeah. And um because no sorry, it runs off. Sorry about that. Can I can I help you gentlemen? Oh, we were just looking for some turtle. Oh, I'm hungry for turtle. Yeah, if you just go down the road Yeah. Maybe some greens. You got any lettuce?

They might have some. I'm not a big I'm more of a meteor myself. You can tell. Um and this is just yeah, it's j it's basically a great white on a human body. Right? He's got a big old head. Ever when he speaks it's sort of weird. He doesn't really have lips. Is he wearing a coat on his shark part? Uh no, no. He's like just like he's topless. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's topless. He's got a club on his waist.

He's got this big ripped body, you know, he's got massive street shark. He's a street shark. He's just he's just a street shark every conceivable way a street shark. Apart from the fact he's wearing fantasy clothing. Yes. He's a street shark. Oh yeah, may I suggest the um turtle bay? You look for the sign of the hungry looking turtle. Which when you think about it makes very little sense'cause the turtles aren't the ones eating.

But yeah, you'll see it just down there and he points just in the distance. You can sort of see this like sign hanging from quite a high post. And it's like in the shape of a a normal turtle, not a turtle. So it's like the body of a turtle with his little hands. And then his hands sticking out. I've got like a knife and fork. And then his little face is like. Nice. That's the place.

That's turtle bow, yeah. Love it. Excellent. Thank you. The combo. Yeah. God, I'm salivating right now. I'm so hungry. Oh yeah, off you go then. Oi he says he's uh like sees somebody else getting robbed. Good luck with that. Crime's an nightmare here,'cause there isn't really any real law. Um

You think street shots will have a bit more of an imposing effect They do, but they can only be in so many places at once. And they're quite slow and quite rare. So like they're they're they're the ultimate god like guard in a lot of ways, but they're easy to run away from. Yeah, exactly, yeah. If you get if we get one of new clutches though.

You're fucked. Eaten. It's like quickly eating a cheese string. Yeah. You know, uh No court case. No court case, no judge. Just eaten. I've seen you do something here. He bashes them with the mace, which like usually just really cripples the pust anyway. And then he picks them up and just it's usually street urchins as well, which is like, you know, they love a street urchin. They're bread and butter. Yeah. And and they actually it's literally their bread and butter. And they don't plant

On the street oceans, just so they can have a snack, do they? Maybe. I mean it's it's quite well known amongst the locals that the the Salakai Shark militia um actually donate to local um soup kitchens. In order to keep the urchins nice and fat. Um, so like keep them well fed. Keep them well fed. They don't like a stringy urchin. Yeah, they don't nobody likes a string.

Scrawny Street Like. So really it's like this self sustaining economy that's essentially allowing these these cellic ironies. I'm just leading them into the soup kitchen.

Go on, they're doing something nice as turtle tonight. Oh lovely. Anyway, right, you proceed down not long before you come up to in front of this turtle bay. And um out the front there's a stand. And there's a um a half elf. Uh they're waiting to sort of see you in to seat you like

Oh welcome to the Tatto Bay. May I sit you three gentlemen? Oh yes. Table for three. Table for three. We may have to sit you at a four because of the size of his shell. Yeah, probably. Yeah. I don't know how big your tables are. You come in and they're all like big. They're all big like

Breathe it in. No, I don't know. I don't want to look. As you come in, people it's busting, the place is busting. The smells are delicious, everything smells great. They are grilling it right now. In the sides of the walls. The walls of this restaurant, which has about 20 tables in it, which is all quite busy. The walls of the restaurant are these giant tanks, these really, really tall tanks where these turtles are all swimming around. And these look

fairly like regular turtles, but they've all got like like quite happy looking faces. Look how happy they are. Look they're like they're free range, they are thrills. They're flying through these big tanks, they're bumping into each other. And every so often a um a a a gnome climbs up a little ladder, gets him with a little diving outfit.

goes in and he's got one of those like things that you catch stray dogs with like it's like a a long like pole with a loop on the end. Yeah. And he's in there with his like snorkel went made of wood. And he and then the people you can see people stood by the side of the tank and they're like

Goodness. It's so visceral. And he swings up and then gets it round the neck and the turtle's like and he gets towed around a bit because the turtle's actually bigger than this gnome diver. Don't know why they use a gnome diver, but like he's like That's gonna be a tasty one that one. And then he finally gets to the top. Hauls it up over the top of these like ten-foot-high tanks and then um dangles it down, sends it to the chef, um, who's just got a massive knife and just

Straight up, head off. Bloody. What do you think of that, Kapeps? And then they and then they've got and then a team of of other gnomes get up onto the work surface and they're using crowbars to just pry the shell open. Oh the shell's coming up.

Right, okay. And um inside they pull out like this little like this bladder which is like um filled with liquid and they have these what looks like sort of a pina colada cup, so it's a hollowed out pineapple with an umbrella in it and a s and a cherry and a straw. and they squeeze this bag into that and then they get the meat, they sort of scoop it out with a specially designed knife.

Slop it into a stew pot and then spice it up and all that sort of stuff and it comes out and it's basically like a rich pork porky kind of curry you get from this. It's like a sweet coconut There's coconuts, there's a bit of like yellow curry paste in there, bamboo shoots, peas, things like that. And then this delicious tender

meat which tastes quite close to pork ultimately. Serves in a big stew bowl and it comes out with this sort of flatbread that they make and um on the side you have your thing. And and so that that's this is uh special this is the combo you get an old turtle to yourself. And the delicious uh bladder drink with it and uh wonderful uh signature bread. Can I can I seat you for three? Yes please. Yeah, yeah. Three turtles. Now have you got have you got anything that's uh turtle furry?

Ha ha ha! Come on, this is turtle bay. It's not no turtle bay, but it's point one bay. Oh, that is our VIP room. Oh, should we go? You want to rent a VIP room? How much is a VIP room? Uh it's five gold. We can do that. Come on let's do a free treat. Yeah. Where is someone new? We've just on our epic journey. I think we we'd be. They're definitely all turtles, right?

Yes, yes, yes. Between what? Turtles, terrapins, uh turtles for example. Turtles. You are a turtle, you are a person. Yeah. And these are turtles. Yeah, yeah. Are you racist? No. Uh I would take you into the back and you go into the back and this is their VIP room. It's like it's lovely, it's all done out. The the central table is made out of a huge turtle shell.

Not really on the nose, but I do kind of like and then around it are stools and each of these stools are made from a large turtle's head. So they basically skinned the they cut a turtle's head off, gutted the inside, and then push The turtle's like skin and head.

over like a seat. So you can see the head's all stretched out. Yeah yes it's all stretched like you sit on like the nose of the towel. That is super novel. This is all we hope you enjoy your stay, gentlemen. I will get to the uh Tadukombo uh coming right up. Jeff, we have VIPs he says as he leaves he leaves the room.

I'll leave it on the table. Yeah. I was gonna go for the buffet, but one turtle leaves is probably enough. I can't uh yeah, I'm hungry for turtle, but one turtle. You must be hungry as hell. I'm very hungry. You've just had two sugar

sweets haven't you? That was wild. I had one. I had one that's wearing off I think. You would love turtle, trust me. I just give it a go. It's so tasty. I Oh, you'll want to eat turtle all day long. There's definitely nothing that comes with it that I could just have. Um I don't think so. It's all inside it. I'll uh And also they don't waste a thing. No. I'll see when it's in front of me. I'll see what I think when it's in front of me. Doris babe!

The double door go comes open again into the back of the VIP room. You're sectioned off in the main restaurant. You momentarily hear the noise of the restaurant as the door opens. And comes through is the half elf again with uh three big platters stacked up on him. They are whole they are turtles. You you've seen the turtle stew, basically. It's a turtle curry. Um he puts them down in front of you. Okay, here we have gentlemen a signature turtle curry. Uh it's delicious and fragrant. We have the

the signature rotti bread here on the side and uh here are your juices and then somebody else brings in like a no brings in like a tray that they're literally like bouncing on their head and uh here we go your bladder drink and uh put it on this is taken from the bladder of the turtle freshly killed

From the uh the tank and goes through that gallbladder and adds a delicious aroma that is not unsimilar to piss, uh, but in a good way. Oh nice. Wow, you're really selling it. I'm so hungry and thirsty. Thank you so much. He sits down, he's got these big old like Like hollowed out pineapples, big old straw and a an a umbrella in it. And then yeah, the stews are put down in front of you. How old was the

Oh these are these are old quite old. It takes a long time to get a Galapaglion Turtlee to the uh appropriate weight. Uh perhaps uh forty or fifty years. Right. Okay. They've been aged well, that seems like that. The older they are, the more tender and it just falls off. I like uh my meal to have experience. Here we go, here comes the little chip. And I I put a fork Of Stu

Uh little piece of meat on the end turtle meat and I start guiding it towards Kapipe's little beak mouth. Oh, downs, here comes the sheep, it comes to clumsy goose! You're gonna love it, mate. All set sails! Take it down! Taste opia! Chew it down, quick, quick, quick. Come on. Tasty, right? Don't think about what it where it came from, think about what it tastes like. Mmm. You're lucky you got some of mine. Hang on. Huh? See? He's about to go to tasty heaven.

Not bad, eh? Uh-huh. Not bad. I think he I think we got a combo here. He likes it. It's a lovely, delicate, meaty flavour. The curry itself is rich. broth with uh little bits of bamboo shoot in it. Um you get it. Oh you've got your own. You've got your own sum. This is beautiful. It's tasty and satisfying and at both times refreshing and warming. This is great. Yeah, you told me. That's a good one. I'm nearly done already. Where's that waiter? Waiter? Dingy one's another. Oh no, yes.

I'll have w I'll have another one. Good to see me, another flower. I'll have I'll have a young one this time. How about that? A young one! Just just do it. I don't care, just do what I can find. Okay, go on right after this.

Salakai recommends it was like one of the Oh you got a special I can't remember. Is that for real? Oh, it's gonna be a big one. Shit, you had a special bag. I forgot. It's just a turtle combo, it's what you're having. It's basically just the the stew and the bladder with the with the drink, yeah yeah. Told you like it.

Here we go my friend uh a fresh new little baby turtle served in the shell. And it's literally like in the shell, they've just pulled the bottom off. That is a delicacy. So the legs the legs of the turtle have been like fried like chicken wings this time. And so that you can imagine like flip a flip a normal turtle toys. on its back, pull the bottom off. And then the head and the legs have all been deep fried and then in the middle they've got the, they've scooped it out.

Mixed it with like pineapple and um a few other sort of sweet uh and spices and garlic and spring onions and then put it back in with a mixture of sort of rice as well. They've all fried it in a pan, put it back in. You got another special of ours served in the shell, st uh turtle stir fry or a Turtle fry. Turtle fry.

Have you guys ever had a young one? I've never had a deep fry. Can I break off a tender? I break off that is the deep frying, the crispy deep. They put a sticky sweet glaze on each of the uh the legs. So it's uh like a mixture of like a honey barbecue with a slightly lemony pineapple. I've got a taste for baby turtles. Oh fascinating. Well we're gonna have to take some on board with us, aren't we? We'll see what we can take. This one? By the baby bowl.

Oh. Ah baby bowl. Baby bowl. Oh I didn't realise that was even on the menu. We'll come back here before we leave again. Alright? If you do want some turtles for the road we've uh we've got a few we can do for you. We can box them up, we can stack them, we can make them walk.

walk there of their own volition. It's hilarious. We use magic and they just do things for us. It's really quite scary when you realize what you can do with magic after a while and simple creatures. And you do uh turtle merch here? Uh last time I went to a place like this they had a a merch store where they have you can like get helmets, uh ear warmers and uh and things like that.

Made out of turtles. So you can get a little hat, which is nice. You can get the shell via your back. You can get a little a funny little shield thing. Ah yes the bikini. The show bikinis. Yes, it's very popular. No, unfortunately it's also that our merch store has been closed for the last couple of days because uh we are building new stock. Shame. It's okay. Uh would you like to build for all this?

Not really, but yeah, I'm not sure. No, we can leave without it. Are you done? Are you done eating? I think we're done. Yeah, well that's a great beautiful meal. Yeah, we'll take like six to go. Six. Six young ones to go. Six how many? Six young ones to go. Six young fresh, you want them served up. Baby bowls. Wait, do we want them You want baby bowls? Or do you want them

Living so they last longer. Then we've got to cook'em ourselves. We do a little card that tells you how to do the recipe at home. Okay, nice. Let's do that. Does it work on a ship? We live on a ship. Well yes, do you have a cook? I think we do have someone that might be able to help. Don't seem that odd, does it? We'll get the guys to we'll give it to Barry and uh Okay, well I get you six, I bag them up, I put a bit of water in the bag, they live long. Is that okay?

Thank you very much. Okay. Gentlemen, it's been a pleasure. Uh I will uh go and find you the baby turtles now. I am stuffed. Nomeo, get the get the baby turtle hook out you hear him shout. There they go. I still don't want to look here. I don't want to see where where it comes from. Out of sight, out of mind, right? I'll eat it, but I don't want to see where the baby where the baby meat comes from. Few minutes past he comes back in. Uh you're bagged up

Baby Dettles are at the entrance to the restaurant. Here's your bill and he puts it down. It's 600 gold. Oh man. Well, well, well. What the what was cost? I thought it was five gold going. Well, very reasonable, thank you. I'm pretty sure we paid this. We'll be sure to leave a tip. Let me just consult my box of paying. Yeah, you he's got a Oh, here's all the coins. Here it is. Look, if you look very closely, just the box of coins are in here.

Check out that bab Yeah, it's on. It's a very pretty frog. Yes, very nice. Do you like it? Y yes, it's very nice. Yeah. Well have a little stare and a little bit longer because. Enjoy it. I'm sorry gentlemen, you may not have realized I am half elf. What oh? I cannot be charmed. No. We weren't trying to chime it. You should look a nice. Anyway, yeah, we'll uh scoop this all out.

Fuck I need the toilet and I just start running. You need a toilet. He needs a toilet. We have a runner! I feel a bit ill from the fo Oh I don't think it's the food, is it? It's not the bloody Oh it's gone right through me.

Oh, I think this food makes me really ill in this restaurant. This establishment has has ruined my bells. So as you go out, right, so you're going out. No, you've got food poisoning! Give me a deception roll, give me an athletics check. I just fucking dove over the table. Yeah, hang on, let me get it on the... BB, what you doing? I'm gonna see what they're I'm sorry looking I'm not really caught on to what these two are doing yet, so I'm

Plus one to twelve. They're not believing you. Oh please, you're doing it. Everyone knows our food here is great. Don't ignore him, ladies and gentlemen. Is he the turtles? It must be the turtles! They disgusting. Maybe it's the water, it's infected. Oh, I can't pay full price for this craziness! Are you s are you serious?

He is making it up. You would be so you will pay. You will pay this is good title. We do not make good title here. What happened to the five dollars? Make me self-sick. Jesus Christ, he's making yourself stick off for God's sake! Oh for God's sake Why have you done this to me? This is your establishment. Turtle Bay poisons people. It does not poisons people you are. I will write a song about this and spread the word.

No, please, my shop would be What did you manage to break it up? I rolled uh three. So I basically tried to get out of my stall and I just tripped and faceplanted immediately. Are you alright? Yeah, I'm alright. Yeah, sorry about that. When you do that, you act you sort of pull the tablecloth with you, so a lot of it's sort of falling onto your back and stuff. Oh fuck. No, you just done you just done the dine and dash. No, do you not know who this is?

Mickey Mickey. I'm a I'm a very famous bar. Persuasion check. That's a 20 plus my persuasion win. Wow! He got a 20! Mon Dieu! Told him! Miki Miki! You didn't recognise me, that's understandable. I didn't know I had such a celebrity eating in my restaurant! Yeah, you you don't really want him to write a song about you, do you? Well I was gonna say I c I've been offering my songs as services to people. For the price of these turtles

I will happily write a very favourable song about Turtle Bay, which is great for business. I go all round the Thousand Tooth Isles. People will come from miles to come and eat at your establishment. Yeah. Have you heard of Shrimp Island? The restaurant for chain. No, you wrote a terrible song about him. I've never heard of it. They destroyed it. They had stores all round the thousand two. Well sticky Mickey, if you would write the song for me and my the establishment that I would

At the very least I will comp your meals. I cannot You're not ill. Are you ill? I f uh I think I'm feeling better now. Do you think you may have a turtle intolerance? I think I've An intotalance? Yeah, intolerance. Yeah, maybe. I mean I'll have to have I'll have to eat another one to find out. Yeah.

Well look, I can give you a doggy bag with perhaps one or two small I you cannot sticky Mickey, your music is great to me, but I y uh you cannot take so many of my turtles without paying them, they're expensive. There's your five gold right there. VIP. That is for the VIP that is for access to the VIP tables. You can't look I mean what would you spend on marketing to reach round the whole thousand two? It's gonna be way more than s you'd have to like get a ship with a big build.

He's really selling out for you. Dickie Mickey, you are you are killing me here. How many turtles do you want in payment for this song? The six that we discussed. You want six turtles? The baby ones, which are more expensive than it's. Mickey Mickey, this better be the best song I have ever heard. Will it be? What do you think? Give me a sample of the melody. The melody? Yes. I've already got some words. Oh, wow. But the melody would be more like... And it's like

I always eat at Tur or Bay. That's just a little bit of it. Okay. It's gonna be like it's gonna be like three minutes long. Wow. It will have a loot solo in there. It'll start with my signature. The moment it starts with that, the crowd.

They go wild, you know. I can see it now and then more people will come and eat in my restaurant. Are you perhaps interested in shares in my uh famous musicians buy mus buy buy restaurant shares? No, no. No, no. How many of these uh baby turtles do you sell a day? Depends on the day, but a day like today, we get to about perhaps fifty. But why is our six hundred or not?

We've got three big meat stew ones with the bladder. We've got the combo. You've got the big ones, you've got the combo. Some of those tattoos take forty to fifty years to grow. What I'm saying is you'll have s like you'll make that money back in no time. No time at all. If just three people from my shows come to your restaurant

You'll make your money back and more. Do you have particularly rich clientele? Yeah, I mean if they can afford my shows they can afford to a yeah. I was you are royalty. I am in my realm. Do I look royal? You look noble, perhaps. You have it. Often the nobles in fact are the ones who don't like to pay for things. Well yeah, it's weird, isn't it? It is weird how that works out. I mean I could afford it, sure, but I shouldn't have to.

I guess. Anyway, that's not about that. But you you are a friend of Sticky Mickey? I'm a friend of Sticky Mickey and he's performed for many uh royal and noble people. You are his entourage? Indeed. Got my manager, got my uh special effects uh supervisor over here. Special effects? I mean look at his cape. I can make it ready. Whoa, that is a very impressive cape. Okay, okay, right, like look

I am sorry for the confusion. I cannot believe I did not recognize Tiki Miki, my favourite musician from That's a while The Thousand Teeth. I will comp this, I will give you the turtles, but promise me, Sticky Mihi that you will make me a song that they will sing in all the inns in Gold Tooth Town. Uh this Will you do this? Will you promise this? I promise this, will you swear this upon the turtles in this room?

Did you have by taking the the flesh off? The turtles in the tank are like looking at you and they're like, come on. I I'll float this idea, it might not go well. I'd also like us three to be able to eat here for free in future. Oh my goodness.

Wow. Let me see how good the song is first, okay? Okay, alright. That's it. Don't push it. Don't push your goddamn luck. You're incredibly charming, but I mean there's a legal. Also, I'll throw in a signature. Would you like an autograph for free? Normally these cost quite a few gold. I would love it autograph.

Give me something to start. I think I had a uh one of our workers, our porters delivered some turtles earlier. He was covered in what is IDR signature. All over his face. It's not gonna be like that, is it?

Bob. Depends what you want. Yes, it was either Bob or not, but I can never tell in the card. Yes, yes. Yeah, I mean I'll sign whatever you want. If you want one of those, I'll do it, but if not, just uh you know. Okay, you sign this and he puts out the paper in front of you. So have you got pen? Yes. Who should I make it out to? My name is Gavin. Oh we know a Kevin small world. How do you do that? I've already written Kevin now. Uh well I'll squeeze the Allen.

K A L V E N Okay, I've got three letters corrected. Is that enough? No, well it's not ideal. We got another bit of paper. Another napkin maybe. Uh yes I do. He gets a napkin off a table and the one of the people eating there is like hell Oh there you go. Kelvin. Calvin. Calvin. K-A-L. Yeah, yeah, yeah. V-E-N. Yep, dear Calvin. Uh best wishes. Yours faithfully Yes, didn't forget. The c world famous superstar.

Sticky Mirky XOXO means hugs and kisses. There you go. I did not know you were interested. I'll rub it on me as well. There you go, a bit more small. Oh it's all smudged. Yeah, it was like sweat smudge for me. Uh shipwrights. We're looking at buying a big old ship to go on tour. Oh, very good, yes. And maybe hunt some monsters. Oh. But mainly the tour thing.

Yeah out here, turn left, keep working for about fifteen minutes, and you'll find the shipwright court and you'll put it in the corner. Or like a two con like a mates rates or like a discount student discount anything like that for shipwright. Oh yes, they're just like a bakery. You just go in, buy a ship, buy another ship next day, yeah, sure. No, I run a restaurant. I don't have a coupon for a fucking ship. Yeah, where else they're going to be able to do that.

Okay, anyway, I have other people to serve. Thank you, Sticky Mickey and his friends. It's been lovely. Thank you for eating me out of house and home and refusing to go. Can I get a free turtle to go? No. Okay. Okay. I'm picking up the boxes that were left out the front and uh walking out the establishment. Head held high.

Those sons of fishes. We handed that one. Famous people. That baby turtle was something else. That was that has changed my life. Thank you for that. Thank you for that. I'm annoyed I threw some of it up. Did you I mean you committed to the role. I thought we could get a free meal. But we didn't know I tried we did at the end.

I've got I've got to write a flipping song about that now. I've got to sell out. Yeah, yeah. How much I really should have been writing these down. I've got to write so many songs. Everyone we meet seems to want a song. Can you not just like use the same song?

And just change some key words. Now I'm gonna let you into a little secret now. I've been touring for many years. You've seen a lot of my performances. Yeah. Next time you watch the performance, pay attention to what I'm singing, I already do that. Ah No way. Right, that's amazing. I I say it's my signature. But it's just every single song. Oh my god, don't go telling people that. That's my secret. Amazing.

Alright, I guess we should look for a shipwright. That is the end of part two of session five of booty. Next time we see what the hell you can afford with your rapidly dwindling funds. Uh Thanks for watching everybody. As always, this is available in video format on the Hat Films YouTube channel, on your favourite podcast service.

And it's uh also broadcast live on Twitch every Wednesday 2 till 5. If you'd like to see that, come and see us. Uh we're about halfway through the campaign now and uh it's heating up. things. Not just the turtle curry. Uh but yeah, also if you would like to get earlier access and add free version of our podcast, you can do so on our Patreon, uh patreon.com slash hatfish. That is just another method of supporting us and making sure that we're able to do the

So thank you very much to everyone that has supported us already. We hope you enjoyed it.