Episode 13 - Part 1: Mega Sea Babe

Haha! Hi, I'm Michelle Madison. And I, of course, am your John Jacobson, and we are the video game outsiders. Yeah, we've been doing this podcast for over twenty years. And we talk about everything in gaming from PC to console, but we also go off topic a lot. We do. And we're silly. We don't take ourselves seriously. We are. And there's a lot of news. Sometimes gaming news, sometimes news about it.

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Welcome back to Boosie High Seas Low Expectations. You join us for the beginning of session 13. Oh boy, with the penultimate session here. We've got two episodes coming up for you and then two more after this. in the big showdown when the gang finally maybe makes it to the horn, the big boss battle and the end of this particular campaign.

Uh what did you guys do last time? Oh, that's a sort of what didn't we do? Is the question. Yeah. We did so much. But more specifically, we were on a uh mushroom island. Remember that? Yes, I do now. Um yeah, we were on a we had a restful sleep on that mushroom island. Uh this is part one of so it's two sessions ago technically. Um but I'm kind of amalgamating them together. Um Iceps and a stem.

You stayed in a mushroom hammock and you stayed on literally a stem and replaced the camp. Just important details there. We headed northeast towards the corruption. Titus temporarily gets mind control by a massive dragonfly. I think that was a slight distraction.

Uh we carry on anyway. Saw puts on a poisonous red cat, that's me. And uh as a helmet and it's really itchy. Carry on. A husk, old woman in an old Triton ninety, stumbles. Titus shakes and nothing happens apart from parts falling off her. But that is our first you know, interaction with the hustle element, the zombiefied people. Um we carve our way through the mushroom jungle until we hit a clearing.

Far more dreary, lots of holes have been dug up as well. What's going on? And tarps have been put up, things have been covered over, and a big Loxodon, which is an elephant person, comes out with a hauling a massive chest. Um it's called Marl, I believe. He discovers us, um, because we're not that quiet. Uh we try and do some diplomacy, it goes south very quickly. I knock Marl out, and we start, I believe, um stashing everything we can into our portable hole.

And then a really stereotypical pirate comes out with a person called Bootstrap Bill. He literally has got straps and shorts and stuff. And a first mate. Woman, I can't remember her name. And a wizard in a yellow raincoat. They all come out. Was it Kaz or something like that? It was, yeah. We are unconvincing once again to this entire party of pirates.

Titus was pretending to be a zombie by putting a mushroom on his head and pretending to walk around. Um but then starts to angrily threaten him with the power of a million. Yeah, you know he decided to drop the act, which was working. Very tea snack. A rustle from the mushroom forest behind us, and lo and behold, we are flanked on both sides with angry pirates in the front.

and an entire zombie horde from behind and battle ensues. Those pirate people, they take a back seat while we literally fuck up all of the zombies. Um then Captain Panama that's his name. Uh insist he tells us his entire business operation in full detail using the floating island as a tax haven and then we're offered two mystery chests each. per person if we enter a contract to keep this on the down low, which means not telling the person that we arrived on the boat.

Um the other triton. Yeah. Um there was a triton that was asked you when you first got there if you can find out what's causing these zombies to go crazy. They'd help us upgrade our ship. Yeah. You chose the Orn Eight chest.

and a barrel. I know that was tighter, sorry. He chose an ornate chest and a barrel. I chose the glass chest which you could see through full of jewels. Yeah. Which we thought might be a bluff, but in reality it was actually there. But a sack of gold bars. It was was it a sack of gold bars? Sack had gold bars in it, yeah. More gold bars than I could see, I think. We should pay ourselves a gold bar. A sack of Loxodon Fort.

I believe it was not um Oh yeah. Oh and then a sack full of earrings, rings and other looted jewelry. Uh you've got a barrel in a sack, Kapipi. And yes, uh I have actually drawn what we had. So you had a hundred gram uh gold of rum. Yep. I had forks which were novelty shaped novelty loxed on the shape. Uh loxed on shapes, which looked like gold bars from the outside. loads of jewels, um some earrings, very nice earrings, and um some really flammable

There was a yeah, a a liquid. Napalm basically. Napalm. Yeah. Snaps. In a barrel. Yeah. So that's what we got. Genocide loot. We got back to the the Triton on the boat and we're like, sorry mate, we don't know what's going on. Weird. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Spooky. Then we're on our way with all this stuff. Yeah. Back to our ship. Do you remember the name of the pirate's ship? Called the It's a clever pun.

Panama the Jolly Dodger. Jolly Dodger. There's a pair of words of the Jolly Roger, obviously. Uh but you're dodging attacks dodger. I mean it's just hilarious. It's incredible, yeah. Really loved it so much so I didn't write that bit down. Yeah. I didn't either justify it. Yeah. Um but that is pretty much summary of what happened. Mushroom Island side quest done.

Sorry, quest time. Good. So, yeah, you... It's sort of the early evening as you set off from this mushroom called fungaria. Or new fungaria. I you set sail back your uh on your correct heading to where you're heading, uh which is you think the right direction for the horn. And from here on out, the sea gets

Not necessarily deeper, but more there's a lot less islands, a lot sparser. You're floating on the ocean. What does the depth mean? It's just the possible landscapes that you might encounter. Is the ocean a bit darker? The ocean's definitely got darker. Look in this ocean now. If we go back, get some ocean from further back and then compare the two, dark darker. I could put some in a cup from earlier.

Look at this, look at the difference in the colour. They have the same colour theories made. It's weird. I keep pulling I'll pull it up from in when it's all blue. Middle. We'll go farther out and then you pull up some more and it's it's the same colour. Clear. It's not got any colour at all. What's in it? What's in it? The sea? Fish. Why does it look blue there? Who are we roleplaying with here? Um right, so our first mate. You spend several days.

cruising along rather uninterrupted. Uh you're told it could take a couple of weeks to get to the horn, the two first mates, the first and second mate, and the crew, including Uh Doctor. Feel good. The tiny um staff sergeant slash Tinkerbell. He's my best servant in mechanical terms, but he's literally a little robot made out of like

Sticks and bark and magic. And gems. And gems. So this would be a great time chart as an artificer, which we have throughout this time joked about how shit they are. Some people recently in some of the comments I'm sorry I'm breaking the fourth wall a bit here.

They're not shit, we're just using them wrong. Um so That sounds like a classic D and D comment, right? Does it? So one of the things they said is you need to prepare some infusions. So it could be worth looking at your infusions right now and seeing what you can do.

Objects, yeah. I don't know. And giving them extra power like more AC and things like that, yeah. Yeah. Like as in this would be a great time as you're sailing along to Indulge. Indulge in the features of your class. That sounds crazy. I'm not gonna do that. Uh so in terms of What happens? It's a few days of boringness, essentially. You are sailing through the ocean, nothing in a bit particular happens, seabirds fly over, the odd dolphin or porpoise.

rears its head, rides along on the wave created by the ship. I spy. Once again with my singular work out. Not again. I can't do this anymore. Sword, go on. Something beginning with. Ocean Have you thought about putting a hat on yet? What do you mean? I'm always wearing my captain's hat. Yeah the burning. The burning. I can still see it all. What do you mean? We made the other guy put a bag on his head.

I'm just saying. And Samandy's there rustling away with his bag. His bag's getting worse though. Like you guys haven't issued him a new bag and it's been like a week now. It's been raining. It was been raining at one point, but I let him dry out in on the inside. Yeah. You make him stand out in the sun. Just wondering if there's been any luck um requisitioning me a new bag.

Maybe we can get you a polythene bag or something. A what? A polythene bag. Is that some sort of seaweed? I don't know, I just find it in the ocean all the time. Uh really. Parrots, is it? Polly. Yeah, that makes true that's true. Why don't we just dip his head in ink or tar? And then throw feathers at him. Maybe. Frankly, what we're trying to say is I take my hat off.

And uh give it a rub. You look disgusting. He looks over his shoulder as if you're talking to somebody else then you then points at himself in c in question. I just wanna say I'm this isn't Our opinion. We need to make sure this ship is Although I think you are fuck ugly. That's a personal opinion. You. So then he looks over his shoulder again. Cruel, isn't it, what you said. You can't speak about Bongo like this, he can't help but he's small. I tighten up the remaining strands of hair.

with this pole thing that sort your image out. Almost pull it from it. Alright. Again he points at himself and then looks over his shoulder to check it out. And we're struggling to maintain eye contact. Take a bag off, handsome man. He just can't take his bag off. And again you're reminded, it's been a week really since you've seen his true face.

and it looks like he's been hit with hot tar. Like that's what it looks like happened to him and bits of his eye is, you know, all over the place. Um it's not good. Have you heard of a main key before? 'Cause I think you fit right in. Oh I think I heard about my mate down at the docks back in Goldwood said he heard about some people landing some weird old monkeys.

Bob and Nob, I think they were. That's right. You know Bob and Nob? Yeah we know Bob and Nob quite well. They were a news Bob and Nob. They've been our lighting engineers for the uh ship. Oh so that's where you got them then, is it? Yeah. They also helped load up the ship as well. Cleverest chaps we've ever met.

Really? No, if they can do all this. Me too. Yeah. No, I I don't meet many clever folks. Honestly, hold on. I go over to the side and throw up. Oh gosh. Do you want me to put the bag back on? Ideally, yeah. You're right. Leave it off. I need new I'd love a new one. I'd need to get used to this. As my employer, you're not paying me wages, but I think as my employer you do need to like provide the basic to do my job and if you're looking for a bag Like one that would go over my head.

I'd like it in like brown or black, maybe with some like patterns or something on it, maybe a smiley face, maybe a skull. Everybody like bandages or something. How free to that be? A skull on a bag. We can just roll a like get a load of bandages around his head and just

Oh yeah, I've actually got a lot of like loose rope. I don't know anything. In my bag I've got like a load of really he's screaming now. He's just screaming. You mentioned bandages and he just starts to panic. Sorry, I just had a hospital flashback.

He w when he he went to a hospital when he Uh that's what happened. They tried to banish my face. And I said, No, I don't want none of that modern muck on my face so I pulled it all off. Have we ever asked? And now what happened? Is it ha what happened here? I was I I fell into a vat of boiling tar. Face first. Oh god. I was carrying it. You can almost smell it. Right. I was carrying a barrel. Right. It was really hot tar. We were using it to um I think it was coat roofs or something like that.

Really hot, but he was lifting it up some steps. Right? So like one at a time, heavy barrel, gotta be careful. So you up one step, take a step. Put the barrel up next step, take a step. And then I tried to do it again, caught the bottom edge, fell forward, straight in, head submerged completely in boiling car.

Sounds really uh and then they took me off to the hospital. Luckily there was a hospital. Most places don't have hospitals. This was a fully fledged hospital. And then they tried to put that modern muck on my skin. Oh. They put this ungun. You know, this is some sort of like paste. Wine. Honey.

And a little bit of um like the stuff that they make bee like wasp hives out of, you know that papery stuff? They mashed it all up, put it on my face, then just ramp me in bandage after bandage. Turned out I was allergic to eight out of the nine things in that paste. So Oh wait, that just reminds me. We need some stuff tarring down the bottom.

If you could help us with that, we just Oh you want me to tar it? Yeah, big bucket of tar. Yeah. Don't fall on it, trust me. Oh wow, yeah, it's just you reminding me we just probably need to sort some stuff out on the bottom. Mae'n rhaid i'n gwybod, mae'n rhaid i'n rhaid i'n rhaid i'n rhaid i'n rhaid i'n rhaid i'n rhaid i'n rhaid i'n rhaid i'n rhaid A bucket head scenario. You want me to wear a bucket as a hat? What if we need the bucket to get rid of water, tar, other things?

I shrug. As you're saying this, he's already got a bucket that he's just punching holes in. He's just punching holes in. So he's sort of like He's not even done the tiring yet. He's not even going to do the tiring, he's cut holes in it. He realizes now. Well well you've done it now. Pop the bucket on. Don't worry, I got we've got more buckets. It's a shit. Well that's full of buckets. Well you wear the bucket now?

Yeah. If you want to make ear holes So he get it's a wooden bucket made out of wooden panels with a red bat like a metal band around the outside of it and then it's got a handle. And he manages to do it in such a way he puts it over his head The eye holes don't really match his eyes, then the handle folds under his chin and it's like quite painful. Like the handle just gets under his chin. But holds the s holds the bucket amazingly well. But it's painful for him to wear. Yeah. And he's like

How's this sound? Is it alright? Yeah, but what is it do you want ear holes as well?'Ca it probably sounds awful in there. Can you hear me? Yeah, I can hear you just about. Does it sound bad? Hear us at points. Yeah, but yeah, I just shout.

Yeah we okay. Sure. I should shoot some ear holes in. Bro, go downstairs, I'll tie them holes out, yeah? Sword can shoot some holes in. Yeah alright, yeah, hold on. Do you want to do it with do you wanna be wearing it or do you wanna be do you wanna take it off while he does the shooting? I don't know, what do you think I should do?

Take it off Just lift it a little bit. Alright, you lift it a little bit. Right, okay, up I shoot. Rolled a hit above his head. What are you trying I mean It's a real gamble? It's not one holes. We only have two holes, okay. So he can hear better. What do you want me to do a shooty shooty roll? So that is a 10 plus

My musket which is a five, so fifteen. Yeah, you hit. Nice. Goes straight through. Both hairs. There you go. Brilliant. But it kinda doesn't really do a clean hole. It kinda like punches both like of the wood panel things that like make up the the bucket. So he's just like sort of like Yeah, cheers for that, sir. Well do you know what? Yeah, you're more protected than the rest of us. We don't have helmets on. No.

That's true, I feel pretty good about that now. That's a very good point. I'm gonna go down the stairs and tar up that hole though, yeah? Thank you. Got any more buckets? Problem. No chance of a bag then, just so the the bucket isn't the most comfortable. No. Unless you want the bandages, which you've already said you're going to do. Oh no, don't mention bandages. I hate them. It makes more sense to use something that's a wooden bucket. Very good.

storm perhaps because the but the paper bag f kind of went all damp. Yeah. And it kinda got stuck to your face. And we could still see most of the features through the bag. Especially when it gets wet. Well that's what I mean. Made it really pointless. If anything made you look scary.

Right, I need to I I was gonna ask you something before we started that I just forgot to ask you. Um so this is happening now in the session. Describe your your dream. Partner. I'm gonna say woman, presuming that all of your characters are straight and you're males, but you can do whatever you like. But I need you to each think about like as a Triton, as a hobgoblin, as a uh uh female look like um you what what would you find desirable? What would what would

get your en engine reving? What would get your sails taut? Um well it's gotta have goblin in the name of the race. to really get me going. So Hob ideally. So I will take the regular gob. A gob hoblin. Gob hoblin. Just like you. Do they have the same thing in their ideally scars. Yeah. So it looks like they've been through some shit. They've seen some action. I can relate on a deep level like that. Oh you got blown in the face too. Nice. Nice oh me too.

You mess around with a bang. In an orgy, hobgoblin orgy. So it has to be with others. Right. That's where we do it mostly. Uh yeah. So it looks like me, almost identical, maybe a bit more hair than my current Yeah. But without the beard. Parts of your hair are starting to grow back in now. Nice. Already fluff. It's been a week and you're getting a little bit of you're gonna few inches. You guys know it's like a baby seagull.

I'm I'm letting the wings growing in. Letting the wings of my hair. Um I point out you guys noticed anything recently. You're talking about those tiny hairs on your head? No, I'm actually not. What else is it then? You're talking about the tiny hands. No, I'm not. Well I no, I have noticed. You noticed anything else?

But I don't know why you're showing off wait till it grows back. I've been working or something. So he's clearly trying to wrap it around that it's not long enough. Not long enough to wrap around that metal thing anymore. It's not it's grown remarkably fine. I'm surprised it's not. It's not about the hair at all. Well what is it about then? The rod.

Well the rod looks the same. Did you change it? I've enhanced it. Oh what did you do to your rod? I gave it an in enhancement. How did you change it? I got a lot of comments. From who? From what? From all those autonomous Arcane focus now. Oh right, okay. Gives me plus one on spell attacks. It looks good. There you go, fucking infusion. It looks very similar, but I'm glad we got more of an idea what it is.

Right, what's Triton, what's your ideal partner? Uh I found a picture of uh Triton here which Ryder described. Anyway, they've got a si ripped six pack. Right. And uh large. Brighton breasts. Um long sexy avatar lady. She's got a fucking massive trident. Yeah. And she has Long. No kind of pupils. She's just her eyes are just white. Right, okay. Which is perfect. Oh, it's got like stripes like a tiger, but it's blue. Yeah, really pointy little. Let me stare into your white eyes. No nits. Yeah?

No nips, good. No nips. Who likes nipples? She told me not to show anyone, but these are nudes she showed you. There's Oh yes. I can't really zoom in very nice. Kind of Aquaman style. Yeah, a little bit like an avatar Aquaman. Tiger like skin pretty hot. Tiger stripes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn. But she's got some power about her. Sexy to try to Titus. Yes, please. He likes I like how to be strong.

With very long flowing flipper toes. Oh and as tight as a f as t tight as a feet guy? Shells in her yeah. Seaweed. All flowing down her hair and God those girls, they're Pink in this. Really pink and ugh can't wait to get my fingers and those. Okay. Is that what you wanted? Yes. Is this what you wanted? Christ, we're going to fornicate. The ideal art. The you. Why do you keep pressing things? So I'm a big fan of the like brow into nose situation. going on here Oh he's looking to the right. Yeah.

Like hand to head ratio there. Loving Sorry, why don't you Google the ugly female hobby? Hob goblin. Okay. That's the touchdown. Really strong hands, really big hands, like bigger than the head, um tiny legs, but really huge forearms. Um quite the beer. In fact how many guts are there on there? I think those are more breasts. Are those knees? Are they kneeling down? That's a multi gut. Those are knees. Those are knee those are knees on top of a podium. Look how strong

Her arm is. I know the forearms are again, this is the ideal hot goblin. And the upstanding dreads are really in right now. So Amazing. Nice. That kind of thing ideally. Thank you. Keep more toys. So for K pee pee it It's less about the physical attraction and more of just finding someone who's ready to die with you in a year. Understood. Are you ready to you know you're at a bar, sir? Uh you thinking of dying in a year from now? A great stuff.

That place as well. You're done with life, you're ready to have kids and die a year later. Yeah yeah. That's why we live so long because it's it's really difficult to get yourself in that mile. But once you're there, pop out the kids, dig a hole, raise it for a year, dig a hole. Start digging a grave. Yeah, yeah. Pick out a plot.

You're on your own. Choosing baby names and a place to be buried. Yeah, it's been nine months, but okay, so as the day progresses into evening, your ship continues. It's been several days. It's open sea now.

as fog rolls in around the ship, over the sea, and enveloping you and the crew in a blanket of fog. Uh you can still see Let's say ten meters all around the ship, ten, fifteen meters. Um but the crew brings the the sails up. Um or rather trims the sails, keeps them uh keep the boat moving at a slow pace because there's a light breeze, but because of the poor visibility you don't want to accidentally run into anything. So you are moving slowly at this point. You're not.

I'm not gonna lie, guys, iSpy's gonna be pretty boring from here on. ISPY was something. Bog again. Bog again. Uh so you're cruising along and it's very quiet. It's eerily quiet. You hear the odd bit of water swishing in the distance, but um arguably you're slipping through the night. Um, very peacefully and quietly. There are some lanterns on deck, keeping the ship in a sort of golden misty ambience.

Uh you continue on for a few hours like this, moving around, doing things, eating dinner, uh chatting, remarking on Ansamandy's new bucket hat and how hilarious it is. Also he did a great job on the tar work, by the way. He's he's done well there. Nice. It's uh getting quite late in the evening when you hear In the distance. It sounds like it's at least twenty, thirty meters off the starboard, uh the right hand side of the ship.

Hello You hear somebody it sounds like a female voice. What do you want for BP? That wasn't me. Don't harass me. I hear that as well though. Those noises are unnecessary. I'm trying to be bored here. I'm trying to figure out a good way to Sorry on that helmet. How you doing it? Sorry, it's not over there. I'm gonna have to interrupt your boredom because something interesting is happening. What? I can hear something. Listen. Hello?

Where's the car? I know you can hear me! Hello! Who is that? Hello! Oh my god, where our ship is talking to us. Hello, Lavi! The ship has a voice. We've been out for too long. Hello? We've been out for too long. No! Oh, we named it Raw Dog and it already had a name. Not yet! What's your name? What's my name? No. It's a mermid. I've asked you, what's your name? Oh I got many names. Many names. What would you like to call me? Car it's a riddle. Interesting. Car. Are you the fog?

No! Is this the fog? I'm in the fog! You're in the fog. Can you all see me? Hello? A fog person, whereabouts are you? You got a boat or something out there? Reveal yourself.

So as you say this the fog parts slightly off the right hand starboard uh about twenty to thirty meters out are off your side within shouting distance basically the fog parts The ship has come to a slow, very slow s almost a stop. You haven't put the anchor down, but it's pretty much stopped there. The currents have sort of for some reason deposited you in this sort of area. And as the fog passed, You see.

So they're like um you know when you're uh uh look at a coastline and on the coast you get the the rocky outcrops, right? Not really suitable for anyone to build anything on but often they'll be covered in like seabirds or like seals or something like that. This is what seems to be I we you can't tell how far out you are or whether there's any ocean around it, but there's a small rocky outcrop. Perhaps it was uh you know, an underwater volcano at some point or something that

created us a a random bit of rocky land out in quite open ocean. So the rock itself is thirty, forty feet in in diameter, um and sitting upon it, uh, with their feet in some water. There's seaweed all around it. And there are, you know, the old crab and thing crawling up through the seaweed over the rock. the odd sea birds sleeping, and in the middle, with their feet in a pool of water, you see

Well, depends who's looking. Who's looking at this point? Is it just your PP? Depends who's asking. I'm looking as well. Okay, you see looking for a b Your heart's desire. Sat upon this rock. You s ka peepi, you see how would I know that they're ready to die? Ca peepy you see a tautle

A female tortle that looks tired and resting to their side is what looks like a a gravedigger's shovel. Right? They they look She's got a shovel, she's really old. Not that old, like fertile, but like has had enough. Yeah, you you can see that's got a year and they've done they're done. Uh but they're like Come on. Come over here! Given up on life. So do you see um the uh a female hobgoblin, kind of gross looking, scarred up, sat there, smoking a tobacca tobacco cigarette, a roll?

You're right. How big are a forearms? Big but saggy. Like th th th once they were they were once muscly, but now they're starting to turn to fan. And there's like there was tattoos on the forearms that started to like stretch horribly and stuff. Yeah. Titus, you see an absolutely smoking hot Triton, you know, ripped, healthy.

But you will hear this voice, but the voice, it doesn't occur to you that this voice is unattractive. To you it sounds lovely. But but to everyone it sounds the same. It sounds like this! You alright? You guys sing what I'm singing? Yeah. Yes, I am. It's pretty fucking good, eh? I'm just gonna straight up say hands off. Alright? Yeah, well, you haven't got a chance with it. What do you mean I haven't got a chance? You haven't got a chance with that. Right? A tautle.

I've not seen at all. No. Well you not so you've not seen it. What have you seen? On the rock. Yeah. There's one beautiful smell. Exactly. Look at that those forearms are right, okay. Sure. I mean sure, I guess. Okay guys. This isn't normal. What do you mean? What do you mean? I'm not seeing what you're seeing. I think. Well open your eyes then. No, that is a total ready to die. Temptation will get the better of me.

But there ain't there any there's no tautle there. That's mine. There is no sea hag or whatever you I didn't did you describe her? No, I said she got massive forearms. Sea hag, I stand by my words. I stand by them. You just standing by them! It's got a useful trick. Oh no, see! It's a trickery! Look away! Oh don't do oh don't! Come on! What are your tricks? Trickery. What is your trickery? There is no trickery I must not look.

Come on. Oh I know. Come on over! I won't do it! Okay, uh Ross. Man, it's been a long time at sea. Give me a wisdom saving sorry, Ross. So roll your D20, add your wisdom save uh score to it, and then um Okay. Alright. Um you feel her Present. Try to sort of almost capture you. You feel wispy tendrils of what feels like invisible fog reach out. And tickle at your heart and at your mind. A little bit out your groin. Why going for that prude? Come on, I'm all your type.

After feeling the tickle. I'm gonna have to do it. You resist. No. You resist and it doesn't quite pull you. Wisdom saving throw. God, I want you to grip me in those forearms. Oh yeah, I'm gonna be gripped. Don't give in! Don't give in! Blash him to the b- I'll tie you up. I'll cut b I'll kill both of you before you go over there. So something tricks trick. Seven seven. Seven, okay, right. I'll come to you in a second. Titus.

You still don't know what this beast is and uh uh or what who this person is and they still appear to you when you look. I know you're trying not to look, which is fine. Don't look. That's good. Um you you are suspicious. But everytime you look sh she does appear to be this beautiful triton, okay? And and everything is telling you. He's this beautiful trial.

Once again. y well, not once again, you didn't feel it. Titus fell it this time. This time you you feel the the same Kind of tickling, grasping sensation, trying to engage your emotions, your feelings, tug at your heart and your soul. Any family members died recently? Oh yeah. Yeah. Note. Oh, we gotta celebrate. You hear in your mind, this isn't something that she says to all of you. You hear that. And uh you fall under uh her thrall. Uh you are now charmed by the target.

Um for the time being they are um happy to have you stand on the deck, but y for all intents and purposes, you know you you have to have this This one goblin hopgoblin maiden. You wanna go over there? Right, okay. I'm gonna make start making plans. Okay. Yeah. Um uh pee pee, give me uh uh wisdom saver. Fourteen. Once again, the tendrils of feeling reach out and touch your tortile soul. They grasp you, they capsulate you, you have visions in your mind of a future.

a short future, but a future nonetheless. My future's bleak with this one. You spent a few months with this turtle before. They fall pregnant, lay eggs on a beach somewhere, and then die with you. Easily spend the rest of my life with this one. Which is no more than a year, is what you're doing. And you too want to claim this. This enchantress for your own and uh uh and and we'll you know step over anyone to get there.

And then I'm gonna distort it in my photographic wizard memory. You have a look? Oh Mother may I! Dear God! I'm being smoked and Sword help me, I have to go to the cabin. But you you can resist, yeah. This is the thing. You go to the cabin! You are not charm. You're just going to your cabin. This this is a trick. Don't go over there. If you get out of the ship. As you're saying this, you you can s you notice that sword and peepy have definitely been

sucked in. And they seem to almost not against their will, but sort of intuitively they're edging closer and closer to the railing, moving closer and closer. Lend me your h little tiny hands. Don't get feel good, buzzing. What do you want, sir? Lend me your tiny hands, homuncular servant. Do what with them? I've got somewhere to be. I can't lift you, sir. I outstretch my hands in the hopes that he'll fly me over there. He's trying, he's flying over there as far as he can, but

Nothing is happening. My life partner awaits me. Come on. What does it look like to you, homunculus? Uh I yeah, I don't know. Don't look like much of anything to me. It's got an empty brain. Seems like nothing at all to me. Lift me! Seems like nothing at all. My maiden waits! I can't lift you! Unless you're There's nothing that's like. This amonculus can't make you fly, right? I'm going to put myself in a cannon.

Oh. You can't fit in any of the cannons. Brilliant. You can't fit in any of these cannons. He's trying to climb into a you're ridiculous. I'll dive. I dive off the edge. He's jumping off the edge! He's so you see. Sword, jump off the edge of the railing, into the foggy water. Outrageous. He he pierces the fog and then sploosh, the fog moves out the way. They reveal the dark, inky blackness of a s very still sea. Um

It's cold. Very cold. Give me a constitution check. The only thing that warms me is your heart and your forearms. You're making a huge mistake. On safe. Yeah. What's that? Uh thirteen. Nineteen. Nice. Cool. Okay, yeah, it's cold, but you've you can deal with this. You brace you brace yourself and you start swimming towards the rock.

Oh yeah that's right. I'm coming. That's right, come and sit next to me on my nice rock. Oh yeah, I will. What about you two little boy? You wanna come and have a little bit of mummy's milk? I think I'm ready for this. She says like rubbing the rock, which is rough and gross and scaly, but she rubs it in a way that's like like your knee. So I've never thought that I you know, I always thought I was decades away from from this.

But she's enough to make me think A year that's all I need now. A A year's too long. A year's too long, if anything. Yeah, yeah, you wanna you wanna You wanna make these babies now. And I'm I'm not thinking straight, so I also dive in. Okay, if you you still can't swim, right? No, exactly. As you hit the water, um

The little rabbit horn thing. Um Terrance Terrence in h inflates and uh for safety. Terrence inflates for safety. As he hits the water, he knows at this point. Hong is floating. And you bump to the surface, no problem.

You can tell like with the aid of Terence you can kind of flail to like get you going the right way. You wouldn't be able to swim without it, but like you know, you've got your life jacket. Yeah. And you sort of just kick a bit and you start moving it. She's like, ooh, another one. What about you, fish men? Can't tempt ya. Come on. You can, but I won't. Come on over. It's not gonna happen. I know your trickery. Don't maybe polymorph you back to your natural vision.

Um sword, as you're swimming towards the rock that she's on, the base of the rock is covered in thick seaweed. And as the water laps and flows up around the rock, it lifts that seaweed with the water as it raises up. As you're getting closer You notice that as the seaweed lifts up, underneath you see Bones and and other things like

You're like, oh this is lovely. You set this all up for me, haven't you? This is it, I'm not sure. Oh, you like bones, do you? Yeah. Well you're gonna love me. Oh yeah I've already got a bone for you, if you don't want me. Saucy little Rob Goblin, aren't you? I start seeing Ain't No Mountain High enough. On my way to her. The water occasionally lamps into your mouth. Oh what's it gonna take to complete the set with you, eh, Mr. Fishman? Come on over, why don't you come? I hear nothing.

Larita! Do doo do. Nothing's happening over there. You guys should come back here. You're going to get burnt. By whatever this evil doer has planned. Pick some pictures, film something, for God's sake. Yeah, you stay over there, that's fine. You reach the edge of the rock.

Well, what are you doing, Kapipi? Get out of the s get out of the ocean! He's not there yet, he's he's climbing. He's doing it away. The fog is the fog. I think I'm going backwards. Sword gets to the rocks without any problem and climbs up through the horrible seaweed. Footing's a bit slipped. slippery but you get close up to now what you think is this beautiful hobgoblin. I'm here. Oh yeah you are I'm ready to forfeit my entire body and all its entry points to you. Nice

She lays back and dips her hands into the a few more rock pools around her and as she does that she lifts her feet out of the water, out of the pond the rock pools she had her feet dangle. Fucking Kama Sutra. And uh she presents her feet to you. And they are like not as big on a foot fish, but yeah. Imagine like

A dead person's feet that have just been in the ocean for months. Really pruned. Crabs have chewed at her feet, null, bits of bone and things like that are where her toes should be. Nice. And she's like Oh, I've been dying for a foot rub. For eternity. What do you think? And then she like proffers you uh one of her feet. And she's a Go on then, have a little sack.

Feet mouse? What do you reckon? Suck my big toe. Oh I will! And then you suck it with toe. And as you put it in, a little bit of meat comes off of the big toe. Ooh, that's weird. And um You should have a little uh fish bath. Get rid of this Oh, I'm worried they'll take all of it though. Last time I did that I low I lost two toes. Is that a toenail? Uh no no that'll be the whole bit of the toe. Don't eat the knuckle, you greedy little boy.

Bongo! I need Bongo! Come here! Bongo comes up. What do you see Bongo over there? Look. Oh, wow. Oh, no. Shit. Don't fall for her trickery. That is the most beautiful dwarven maiden. What are they doing out here? We've got to save her. Don't do this. Do the two! Huh? The other two have been entrapped by her ways. Don't go over there, but Who can blame them? Look at her. She's a beautiful maiden. Oh, I love your beard. I love your your aggressive sideburns you've managed to shave and

I'm going over there. Alright, where's the other guy? Don't buckethead! Buckethead! Come here, buckethead! Sputush As as uh as uh Bobo jumps off the edge and starts swimming towards it. Uh, Ans Mandy comes up. Right, Andy! Look over there, what do you see? And he calls she's nice! Fucking who are what are you seeing? Oh my god, that is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Right? I'm gonna go over there. Andy no.

You can't stop me. In any other scenario, would you ever do this? Annie, think of what you're doing. Would you ever do this? No, Annie! No, I'm on my I don't know how to use this ship. All right, mate. Oh yeah, you're going over to see the beautiful woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, come on, let's swim over. And they both swim well. It's ridiculous. Swim strong. Ki peepi makes it to the rocks, you climb up and you see sword.

Sucking the toe of your toes, eh? Of your beloved. Sword, get off her! Fuck off, mate. I was here first. Yeah, you're climbing out quite easily now. You you navigate through the weed and the the skeletons and and other rocks and things. That was terrorist. 감사합니다. Look, I'm seriously I I do the whole Algy thing. Sorry. Sorry. Uh toe of mouth. Uh but I'm not into the whole sharing thing. I'm pretty monogramised. I'm highly jealous, man. I might kill him.

What's your answer? I want both of you. I don't want to share you. Well, I guess you could have a decide between yourself who gets what. Easily done! I start pumping my master swords. This is ridiculous! Two wisdom saving throws again. Yeah, what sorry, one each. I got plus zero, I don't know why I'm looking. Ten. 19. Okay. Start. Dord continues to ram home the the bullet that he's in business. It's been a good run.

Step aside, stop mucking about. As this is happening, you start looking around and you almost sort of snap out of it. You you still see this tortle, but you start looking around you and you're like, why would a tautle Maiden be out here. Maiden be out here. Why what's with all these skeletons around my feet? Skeletons around my feet. This doesn't feel right. This doesn't feel right. Stand still! Sword is going to shoot you. What do you want to do? Sword! Yep! Wait.

What was it Titus was talking about? Don't get Roller hit. Shoot. No time for interesting. Dexterity, give me a dexterity saving throw. Uh PP. Just see if you can dive out the way in time. Oh, I only got ten. To hit, which bounces off your armour. I got nineteen. Dexterity. You dive out the way. Oh mate, I told you to stay still, you're making this difficult. Sword!

That's really emotionally damaging. Just stand down! Oh no. Are we really gonna do this? Yeah, we are, yeah. Titus, you see these two getting into a fight. Saul's already fired one shot of KP that narrowly. I don't realise what she is yet. But You think that she's a beautiful maiden, but you know something's not right. Something isn't right. I'm gonna be really torn up about this. I know something isn't right. You cannot tell. You can tell that this is

Something's not right, but you cannot tell what this person or this m beast or woman really is without true sight, which I don't think any of you have. It's quite a high level thing. Yeah, yeah. Um So in character, all I can tell you is you know something's wrong. But you can't work out what.

Uh Titus, what are you doing? You've just seen swords shoot at Kapipi. You son of a bitch are gonna kill him! You've had both first and second mates jump off the boat swimming towards this target. Oh to shrink you to a tiny minuscule size, but it won't. Maybe I should have a little bit more.

Blow all this fog out of here with a gust of wind. I don't know if that'll help. That could help. Do you think that'll help, guys? I'm gonna blow all the wind the go the fog away. So fucking re get ready. K Pee, I'm willing for you to sit in the corner and jack off. Whilst you watch, but I'm not willing for you to Okay, sword. Suck on these toes. Titus uses a gust of wind which blows away a lot of the fog surrounding the rock. Which makes more clear the light penetrates from the ship.

And it makes it more clear to you that there are skeletons, that there are things surrounding you. Look around, and this is not the home of a hobgoblin princess. This is Uh a refuge pile. This looks like uh an ogre's pit, you know. Uh so give me one more wisdom saving throw with advantage because Lord knows you need it. Look around you! What was that? No, fail.

And the second roll is a twelve. Very good. Sword doesn't care. He thinks this looks great. The hobgoblin, he will fight. I like how you're spicing up the situation. Usually I go to like funerals or like. You know, hangings, that sort of thing is like, but this is unique. This is it. He loves this. Also I'm about to enter the corpse project. I'm going to cast infestation infestation on her face!

You wanna tack are you gonna miss it? Go! Don't be like that! It's a cantrip. What is it? What does it do? It Causes a cloud of mites, fleas, and other parasites to appear momentarily on one creature you see within range. Constitution savings throughout the range. Let's see. Oh thirty foot. Am I f thirty foot away? I'm gonna say you are just about in range. Um but you are very much on the outside of that.

So, one second. Constitution saving throw or it takes one D s uh D6. Oh so it is a damaging spell. And moves five feet in a random direction if it can move and yeah it's a damaging spell. Constitution saving throw. Excuse me. Uh there's as a c What's the save? DC, something or other. It'll save. COM 16. 16. Okay, yeah. She passes. Oh shit. So what happens? She takes any damage or not?

Uh a target must succeed on a constitution's event through or it takes one D6 poison damage and moves five feet in a random direction if it can move. And the speed is at least five foot. What does the infestation look like? What are you using? Bugs, using fleas? How about parasites? Parasites and

Sarah struggling out of her face. Okay. You try to cast it, but she easily brushes it off. You're gonna have to try a little bit harder than that to touch me. Filthy Sea Hag! Why don't you come over here? I wish I could! Come on! I won't be tempted by your witchy ways. There's something wrong with you. Don't go to her

You guys. Yeah, that's what you would say. I'll kill you next. Sword, put that gun down. Yep. Just look around. Sure, yeah. I don't know what's going on here, but something's not right, sword. Look, look around. Look around this sword. I didn't get fired again. Ooh, this time I got a 23. Do I have to roll out? Yeah, roll. I'm gonna give you a dexterity saving through here because you know it's coming. So if you beat a 15 Yeah.

I got an 8 plus 5 for 13. No. You take a shot, you take a hit, draw the damage, sword. Whoa! And the shot takes him in the shoulder. Oh look at this. Oh I love it, man. Oh fight, fight, fight, fight, fight. Yeah, fight, fight, fight. He is a dear friend of mine. Come come on, you guys, you need to compete for my love. You're right. Can I

Return back but I've I've not used this yet, I've just realized I've been carrying a boomerang with me ever since the beginning as well. Can I throw a boomerang straight at his uh nose? Like straight into his face. Roll to hit. Yeah. Yeah. Go see how well you hit, I guess. It's uh nineteen. Yeah, y you hit. Do I hit anything? I think so. H is not that high. No, it's not. And you had definitely had pluses.

Yeah. Smack me in the face. How much damage does it do? One D four. What does the plus one mean? Plus one. Just add one to a D four roll. Okay. Uh Thord, do a wisdom saving through. See if that knocks some sense into you. It's the T4. 17. Nice. Finally. The charm left. That the boomerang hits you in the face and it's a little bit. And then stars as you blink.

And for a moment, as you're trying to get your vision back, as it swings back together, you do not see a hobgoblin. Instead, you see where the woman is sitting, this beautiful hobgoblin mailing was once sitting. A putrid and barely held together, undead, hag like creature. Imagine a river troll. Oh are you hiding a true beauty? I'm into that. And uh but but you only see that for a moment and then your vision swirls back into place and she once again looks like um a hobgoblin. Wait a hot second.

You ain't what you're supposed to be. Oh, come on. Laura's killed him because of you! All I want's a f- I sucked your fucking dead toes! I want a few fruit! Shall we kill her? Lose the cannons on this thing! It's gonna take more than that to kill me! Okay, so I have no idea why he's getting so angry. Literally just a moment because you smacked me in the face with a boomerang I saw something a little bit off.

Okay, so as um so you you you shout, get the cannons ready, uh Titus shouts, shall we kill her? And uh she's obviously working out now that uh this um isn't going to plan. Yeah, yeah. Nice. I don't even know what number that is. Four? Four. Look. Plus two. I got eleven. I've got six, so it wasn't very good for me. Eleven, six. What'd you get sword? Three. Quite far away. You guys rock at rolling. Thank you, yeah. It's random. It can't be good at rolling.

It's purely random. I'm pretty sure everyone believes that we can roll well, it will happen. So Realizing that you are not going to come quietly to your watery demise, the uh let's call her I'm it's not a hag, but I'm gonna call her a sea hag, just for uh

Because I kept calling her a Sea Hag. Yeah, Sea Hag's a good description. That's roughly what she is. She stands. in her rock pool, raises her arms, and the seaweed rises up as if gravity has left itself. Bits of crab, bits of seaweed float upwards as as gravity suddenly disappears. From underneath These this seaweed skeletons begin to fuse back together. They begin to stand.

And in front of you you saw you two regular-looking skeletons, regular-looking human skeletons, one much larger skeleton that you recognize to be something like an ogre. And bizarrely a war horse skeleton. A large horse. Oh shit. fuses itself back together and they come and form and stand in a protective circle around this hag. It is the Hank's go initially. And what she will do is she will use a breathless kiss.

Oh. She quickly, almost other with otherworldly speed, moves towards Sword, who is w within reaching the wheel. grabs him off the marquee by the scruff and brings him in. Tentacle like hair from around her hair tangles and grasps. They were never vertical dreads. As she pushes you in towards her face. Uh DC fifteen constitution saving throw from you. Alright, alright, alright, alright, right. Fifteen.

Good luck. I rolled a four, so that's very unlikely with anything. You are grappled. Yeah. She's got me. Uh her four arms are still but you still failed, yeah? Yeah. Um okay. She um Brings you in. 그녀는 그녀는 그녀의 눈에 띄는 그녀의 눈에 띄는 그녀의 눈에 띄는 그녀의 눈에 띄는 그녀의 눈에 띄는 그녀의 눈에 띄는 그녀의 눈에 띄는 그녀의 눈에 띄는 그녀의 눈에 띄는 그녀의 눈에 띄는 그녀의 눈에 띄는 그녀의 눈에 띄는 그녀의 눈에 띄는 그녀의 눈에 띄는 그녀의 눈에 띄는 그녀의 눈에 띄는 그녀의 눈에 띄는 그녀의 눈에 띄는 그녀의 눈에 띄는 그녀의 눈에 띄는 그녀의 눈에 띄는 그녀의 눈에 띄는 그녀의 눈에 띄는 그녀의 눈에 띄는 그녀

Sucking all the air from your lungs. So she looks smoking hot feel. She breathes in your air, and then as you feel your lungs go tight with with a lack of oxygen, she grabs you, pushes your head quickly down into one of the rock pools. and you begin to drown. That looks bad! How I still seeing a tortle do this?

Yeah. Yep. With tentacles. Spell's still on. Alright. Well you're seeing like a different I guess the tentacles. You're seeing Sword drowning himself. Yeah. But you're no longer charged, you know something's wrong. So you're not like Why is this tautle doing this? You're like, that's a weird thing for a tautle to do. I must be not I must be seeing things, eh? The sword is grappled.

Uh which means that they can't move, they can't benefit from bonuses to speed and the condition ends if an effect removes the grappled creature from the reach of the grappler. So if you guys try and like, you know, get him free. But currently Sword is being drowned. Right up drowning. Uh Kapipi, you'll go. Okay. Can I has she gone too far for me to try and charm her? Whoa, counter charm. Counter charm, like.

Maybe she doesn't know that I've cottoned on yet, so I'll try and play her a uh a little ditty to woo her on my I guess I used to lose. Uh but yeah, I'm gonna try and use charm person. Do I need to roll or anything for this? It's a wisdom saving throw of 16. Um And she has immunity used to being charmed. I can't even use it. It won't work. And instead of you doing it and failing, I'm just gonna tell you it won't work. Oh.

Immune to the channel. She's being charmed. That's my whole character. She is Faye in in her her basis. She has resist she is immune to charms, frightened, paralyzed. I mean that's all m what my spells do. S fear people. Woo people. How many enemies are there? How many? Um five. Five. It's like four skullies and a war horse skullly. Fuck that. Four skullies and a her. And a what? And her, right? Is she immune to a stinking cloud? No.

You stop what you're doing right now! Or I'll pull this tail and you don't want to smell what happens when I push on this tom tom. That's a pretty little pet. Would you like to meet my pretty little pet too? What's your pretty little pet? You! No! So I pull it and then push on this tongue. Stinking cloud, right? Yeah. It's working. Uh succeeds.

Uh there might still be damage on a fail that half the on a fail save the creature spends the action. Oh wait. Wait, did you pass or fail? I succeeded, passed. Oh. Yeah, so nothing happens unfortunately. Oh. Now we just can't go in there'cause it's stinky. So, uh what, she just doesn't take any damage? Yeah, I guess she doesn't take any damage. All the skeletons are

So if she succeeds a constitution saving frame, that's it, she doesn't take any damage. Right. All the skeletons are immune to poison, so again This is not gonna touch them. This my whole character's flawed in this exact scenario. Yeah, it's almost like I designed it like this. This is like the worst scenario for K Pee Pee Do I get a bonus for the case? More like cuck Pee Pee. Um Do I get a bonus?

You can do whatever you like. What do you want to do now? Bardic inspiration for these guys. Yep. Yeah. Okay, what does that do? Plus something or not? Gives us a dice that we can use the drive. It gives you uh gains a 1d8. Uh that you can add to what kind of roles? Anything in it, I think. A creature within 60 foot that can hear you gains an inspiration die. of one D8. Ten minutes the creature can add it to one ability check, attack roll or saving throw.

This can be added after seeing the role, but not before knowing the outcome. Okay. So yeah, one D eight, but you will have one D eight now that you can add to something. Okay. Can you do it to multiple in one turn? A creature other than yourself one person will get the who do you want to give it to? Oh okay. Well you because you're you're the one that's here that's getting attacked quite badly.

Saw you've got this, all right, buddy. You've got this, Saw. Stop being drowned by this magical beast. My head's like buried in the water by the first thumbs up.

Oh so when the stinker's gone. Okay, um skeleton's gonna have a go. One of the skeletons stumbles out from the seaweed and just you just hear ki behind you. Yes As the sword tries to attack you sorry the sword the skeleton tries to attack you. Wait, can the skeletons be charmed? The skeletons. Um They might have personalities that can be charmed. Yeah, it doesn't say they're immune to it. Yeah.

Okay, yeah. I guess maybe they're simple creatures that can be easily charmed. K-pee-pee! Hmm. Uh 16 to hit. Uh I'm 17 armor class. Fails. Fails. That's it, that's that one done. The Warhorse. The War Horse. How are your vocal cords doing that? There are no vocal cords. How are you name?

My head's buried. It clatters up the rocks. Obviously the horse slippery rocks covered in seaweed are not the ideal environment for a war horse, but it clatters and clips its way up towards peepee once again and tries to use its hooves to stomp all over him. 17. I'm baffled by the neighing. 17 matches. That is my armor. It does 12 damage. As it stomps on your feet, it clips your little total feet. Ow! Ah, that's really hurting, especially as I'm already injured from the shot from you, Sword.

Okay, that's. That sounded loaded. Titus, it's your go. Can hear your muffles. Oh shit. Where is everyone in r in respect where I am? On the ship, the ship is stationary. You're on the right hand side, looking out o off the top of the railing. 30 feet in front of you is the rock and all this shit's going on. Okay. Um But like is in if I want to do a uh a spell that might potentially hit those two, am I pretty much hitting everyone there?

I'm like being grappled by her. The rock is about twenty feet in diameter, so unless your spell If I do a fireball that's twenty foot wide. Yeah. I'm fucking everyone. Um, don't you have an ability to sculpt the spell? Because you're an evocation savant. I believe you can um features and traits. Uh features and traits. I can cast prepared with spells using int uh uh oh hang on.

Sculpt spells, yeah there you go. When you cast an evocation spell that affects other creatures that you can see, you can choose a number of them equal to one plus the spell's level, the chosen creatures automatically succeed. On their saving throws. Do we still take half damage instead of the full blown fire damage? Hmm. Risky, isn't it?

What about tidal wave? Uh see tidal wave, tidal wave, tidal wave similar. Similar, oh yeah. Whatever it hits is gonna hurt. How wide is tidal wave? Area can be up to thirty feet long, up to ten feet wide.

And up to ten feet tall. I guess you could like choose an angle. I'm just trying to figure out like where yeah,'cause without a visual example of where everyone is on the map to try and light like I did line up last time with the lightning bolt. So, all right, I'll do a quick I'll do a quick uh battle map for you.

How about I draw quick battle map? Yeah. Yes. Well yeah, I want you to do it obviously, but I'll quickly write the battle placement. I'm gonna make it icy later. It's battle map time! Play the battle map music! This is the ship. Bongo and Andy are in the sea, swimming towards the rock.

On the rock in the center is the main enemy who's currently drowning you, so you're right next to them in the center. Keep here is off to one of the sides. Up to you which one you choose. I imagine he's probably on the right hand side. Rydyn ni'n ymwneud â'r ymwneud â'r ymwneud â'r ymwneud â'r ymwneud â'r ymwneud â'r ymwneud â'r ymwneud â'r

So you've got one little skeleton and a war horse attacking peepee and then you've got the troll and the regular skeleton on another side of the rock. So what I'm gonna say, Ross, is with a ten foot wide um spell, you would be able to hit you could choose to exclude Kapipi from any of these. Basically, one side of the rock has the ogre skeleton and a regular skeleton on it. Next to Kapipi is a regular skeleton and a horse skeleton.

Um and then next to sword is the hag. Now you could probably try and hit the skeleton, the ogre skeleton, and the hag without clipping any of them. Or you could jet the hag sorry, the hag without hitting sword is gonna be difficult to pull off. But sword does have lots of health. Do you think we could tank half Four D eight or five D eight, I guess, if that includes your one. Um it turns out he'd only give it to one person, so it he's given it a sword to try and resist.

That after that do you reckon you could tank that? Depending on what that's it. I blubber in in response. You could cast a tidal wave at higher levels as well. You get an additional um find out. This is such a good map. Exactly what I was picturing. Uh if you're sculpting it for us anyway, I will be trying to sculpt automatically succeeds. Yes. I'm going to do it. Okay, right. So let's use this.

Do you who are you attacking? I'm sending a tidal wave to the hag, to see hag, and I'm going to avoid you two as best I can using magical and the um skeletons. Wherever they are in this myth uh wherever they are. Is that a face in the hank? Yeah, that's the hank's face there. Wow. Yeah. Anyway, big up, tidal wave. Woosh. That's pretty cool. Rise those waters! Yeah You best get a deck, save a 16.

So I'll do deck saves for the uh ones being affected. Uh well you I automatically succeed. You can choose how what level is that spell? This is at th third level and that's it. So you can have four creatures which can be all four of us. Yeah. uh gonna take half damage. I feel like I'd be at a disadvantage because I'm drowning, right? And grappled. Uh for a deck save. He's just pretending he's swimming. Oh yeah. So gonna need kills for that one, idiot.

Why are you rolling? You don't need to do the save, you can just choose for you to succeed. You can do successful save and a creature that takes half as much damage and isn't not prone. So if he takes half as much damage anyway, then half again from sculpting. From sculpting it's less. Ah I see.

So we can take even less if you want to scroll then. No, I think it what it's meant to be interpreted as is you automatically make the save. But then you can reduce it and then you can get the same thing. Okay, well let's scroll these. But that's good because ultimately he's just full of damage and take half.

You just roll the damage, yeah. I'm good. The other two, the bad guys didn't succeed. They take full damage. The damage is sixteen. Very good. Uh you uh completely wipe one of the one of the skeletons, the little skeleton.

the wave coming and just instantly it's just like Mr. You just knock them straight off and they just disappear into the darkness and the smoke and the fog behind the rock, off into the depths. It sinks to the bottom. You know, like there you go. There's no displacement there. The skeleton sinks to the bottom of the sea.

You've destroyed one of them. One down. The ogre, however, stands firm. It takes the damage. A couple of it's like tibia and fibia sort of ping off or get become a bit loose. It loses a couple of ribs, but It stands fairly firm. You've you've definitely hit it, like, but it's got it's strong and it i it bends its feet and then it resists using its great bulk.

The weight of the water. Did you do the hag as well? Did you hit the hag? You did the niggas. I think so, yes. Hag gets tickled. Ah, right. That one takes half as much damage. So eight. Ooh, I needed a shower, thanks. I hate you. Ooh, I'd like to see what you can do with the water. Dove. I can do something. Stop it like that. Stop it. Okay. Sword, you're okay.

So tempting, isn't she? Oh, do you wanna do anything else for us beyond podcasting that? You happy where you are? Seems like you're in a pretty good position. Yeah, I shouldn't move from here, really. Mm-hmm. Sing here. Okay. Um, as I'm grappled, I'm gonna try and get out of this grappling. So it's a strength save, right? To break a grapple. Yeah, good luck with your role, mate. Thanks. Oh I've got Bardic Inspiration. That's low. I'm gonna try and add my Bardic Inspiration to it.

Fit out. So five? Five? Seven eight nine twelve. Fourteen. Just Uh you burst. The distraction, the wave hitting the sea hag has uh knocked off, knocked their concentration and they're no longer putting enough pressure on the back of your head. You sense this and tug your head to the side. Bursting from the water to take a glorious lung of air as you escape her grapple. Now you can do something yourself. I'm gonna try and help Kapee P out.

By vortex warping the skeletal war horse. Okay. So con save a fifteen for that war horse. Let's try and get rid of this. Rinous people. Consave of what? Fifteen. Damn, succeeds. Okay. So uh it just doesn't do anything, I think. So I will cast that. I just try and warp space and time around it. Too dead! If that worked, what was supposed to have happened? It would teleport to an unoccupied space, so I could literally just ping it somewhere else. Alright. Okay. Fortunately the war horse.

Flickers for a moment, but perhaps it's something to do with the sea hag, a field she's projecting. Doesn't quite seem to work. Anything else you want to do? Movement talking? Uh I feel like if I try and move away from her she get opportunity attack on me. Yeah, that's what I do. I'm just gonna stand my ground and get ready to fight next round. Okay. The ogre skeleton wants to go. As the first and second mates clamber up onto the um the seaweed, uh he decides that he doesn't need any more.

uh let's say guests to this orgy um and decides to engage them. It has a great club that it swings and misses. Two Onto the ground. It takes another swing, seeing the the the dastardly dwarf. Ooh, what's that, mate? Ooh, he d pushes handsome Andy out of the way as the club again falls harmlessly between them. Okay. Ogoskeleton does nothing for this turn. Ah, but now, now the hag gets her turn. Ooh How about? I come to you, she says.

As she steps up um and uses water walk as she steps onto the ocean itself, you get a attack of opportunity, sword, because she walks past you. Use my morning star for that. Hit her hard. I'm gonna hardly hit her. Wait, better not. Hit her properly. Oh it's an eight. Fourteen. Nice. Fourteen. She has an AC of fourteen. Sorry. No that that equal or beaten is. Is it? Sorry. Yeah, fuck. I always get better. 1D eight. I'm gonna use this dice for that.

Plus two. Nine points of Morningstar Dharmage. Takes nine damage. Nice. Is that the thing that I added onto your No. Uh but that did help me break my drowning, so it did help. She stepped out onto the water. And uh begins moving. She takes hit. Oh, you saucy minks. Um as she starts walking to our contact. Coming closer.

A broadside erupts from your ship. The automatons and uh Dr. Feelgood have managed to get a uh set the set of the cannons loaded as they give a volley at the uh at the hag and i I worked out control damage this would do. The automatons. Sometimes we're gonna hit you guys. Duck! Yeah, I need dexterity saving throws from Sword and Um Keepy.

Seventeen plus fives. That's fine, you pass KP, no problem. Eight. Eight? Yeah. You fail. I'll be taking a volley now. You've got one of those cannons to the face. Better rough. That cannon. Uh canonical he means. Good one. Dor do you take ten damage? I can tank that the sea hag takes thirty-four damage. Wow. As the volley big sp

It's just absolutely eviscerates a big job. Those camer seem to be working. Huh? Another shout in the cannon. Cameron seemed to be working. As a first volley of four golf ball-sized projectiles leave, almost immediately the automatons wreck. The great cylindrical barrels and bring another one into four. And one more. And they get off four volleys. Um

Uh now the cannons are empty and they need to do the arduous process of reloading four barrels. But absolutely she gets nailed. She's still she's hurt, she's visibly injured. Ow bloody hell, god that hurt! But she's alright as she continues her pacing across the ocean and trying to close with the raw dog and get to Kapipi.

Uh that is her turn. Kapipi, you'll go. Sorry, Titus, not Kapipi. Uh it's Ki Peepy, it's your turn now. She's trying to get to Titus. Okay. I see that that was the best thing we've done to her y uh yet. Yep. So I believe the cannons are the way to go.

So I'm gonna use my teleportation circle to allow me and Sorta to get the hell out of here if we want to get back to the ship, because there's a another hole on the side. Doesn't teleportation circle take ten minutes? I have no idea, I've never used it. We'll read the spell. We'll find out. Done there. Grease? Casting time is a minute. Okay. Okay. Which is ten turns of cast. Fortunately you're not gonna be able to do that very easily. There's nothing else I can do other than buff you guys. Uh

Synaptic static. Yeah. Twatter with a boomerang. Uh each creature. So each creature in a twenty foot radius of her discounts skeletons as well. Yeah. She's kinda out in the middle of the sea now. She's within twenty feet still of those guns. Uh must make an they must make an intelligent saving throw. A creature within Oh no, with intelligent score of two or lower can't be affected by the spell. But uh a target takes eight d6 of psychic damage.

On a fail save or half as much much damage on a successful one. So they're gonna take damage anyway. What's the save? Uh intelligence 16. Okay. Uh both the skeletons well the the skeleton All three. So the war horse, the regular skeleton, and the ogre will all fail. Um about her. She fails as well. They all fail. Okay. So they all take 8d6 of psychic damage. That is 31 points of damage. Good god!

Is that to each of them or split? Each. Each. That's to each of them. Okay, so there's a piercing sound that all of you feel. Thunderstorms coming in. And then just all of a sudden one of the skeletons' heads just explodes. The war horse's horse's head explodes. They both just drop to the ground. The ogre Desperately trying to contain his is that what was that? I thought it was the explosion that's just done.

It's like a run DMC track. What's this one? Um I'll do. Okay, so heads explode all over the place. The Ogre Skallen is just like And one of its like rotten eyes pops. And then another and then another one of his up nice pops. But it hasn't quite exploded. It manages to hold on, durable. You can see it's hurt. It's really hurting.

But unlike the horses You can't see anything anymore. Unlike the horses He couldn't in the first place. Unlike the horses and the other skeleton that both pop and explode. Um they The sea hag is incredibly injured. Visually, yeah, visually she's been chopped to pieces and now she's got the worst migraine of her life.

Uh Do I get a bonus? Oh get out of my head! Go for get out of here! Okay, uh get not my grain. Titus, uh unless you wanna move, Kipi. Do you wanna do anything else? I was gonna see if I had the bonus action. You do. You always have a bonus action.

Bonus action is always available to you. But you only get one bonus action per round. What can be done with a bonus? Bardic inspiration? It might have to be that one again, yeah. What was Mantle of Inspiration? Oh. To grant eight temporary hit points to up to four characters you can see.

That are within sixty feet of me. Is everyone on my side within sixty feet of me? At least Yep, everyone's within sixty feet. And we choose these two and the two first mates if they're still in the water as well, just in case. They're kind of bobbing around, they're confused now,'cause she started to walk towards the ship. So they're now trying to swim out to her. Like, okay, so excuse me, sorry to interrupt. Oh, excuse me. Uh you get eight temporary hit points.

To these two. Wonderful. Thanks. So you can add that on if you've got to Oh wait, what? Eight temporary points on the temporary slot. Oh nice. And also each character can immediately use its reaction to move up to its speed without provoking opportunity of attacks. Okay.

A reaction. Reaction, yeah. My go. I'm going to use my reaction. It is your go. Titus is. I'm gonna start swimming back to the boat. I'm within range, it's time to splash Acid with an acid arrow! Acid arrow. Good fire an acid arrow, but I'm gonna do a fourth level one. Sixty-four plus eight. Let's see what that calls. Uh ninety feet. The colour of the acid Today is green.

We're going to go with green acid. See, I always picture green acid. It's kinda like a yeah. I guess it's probably just clear, isn't it? No. Yeah. The target takes four d4 acid damage immediately and the two d4 acid damage at the end of its next turn. On a miss the arrow splashes the target with acid for half as much of the initial damage and no damage at the end of its next turn. Will it hit? Uh Duration instantaneous components.

Does it have like a do you need to roll to miss that or is it just a hit? Um you need to roll to hit so it's uh D twenty. Plus I don't have to dismiss there. Is that plus eight? It's one of your spell yeah, plus eight. Oh okay, that's what it's. So it's not damage then, okay. Twelve plus eight. Twenty. Twenty. To hit. Take my Axe! Oh beautiful, Ziang. You fire.

This out. You fire this acid arrow at this beautiful Triton babe walking towards you. Take this mega babe! Despite what your eyes see, you decide that she is enough of a threat that she requires The acid. Mmm. How do you finish her? How does it kill her? It's going to hit her directly in the throat. And so she goggles up, gets it out of her mouth, it's gonna start spewing out of her throat and start coming just sizzling through her chest.

And down dropping into her cavity. Yeah. It touches her evil heart. The acid burns through it. Stops its beating. She looks at you almost aghast with surprise on her face. Do you see that surprise? She drops to her knees. on what seems like hard surface until the lights go out, the spell fades. She falls into the water, slipping beneath the waves, she disappears almost instantly as her translucent skin and her final form is revealed to all of you as a horrible

Undead looking. Bigot. It's a bigot! The remaining ogre skeleton. Now no longer under her necromantic power falls once again to pieces, a pile of bones upon the seaweed covered rocks. And you're out of initiative. Congratulations.

You've won. I said. He was too good to be true, lads. Come home. Come on. I really thought she was the one. Tripped again! Bongo gets to uh the ship first and climbs up the rigging and lowers a few ropes to help you those feel good. Fly me up! And again he fly he tries to fly over you, tries to c like you know flies out one of the gun holes. I gotta do some tinkering on you. Smoke is now hanging in the air from the volley that the cannons let off.

Uh the the smell of uh gunpowder is heavy and uh yeah you climb up close back over the railings. Dr. Field actually reports to you is sort of saying, you know, like Good New Can has reported all firing perfectly well. Very proud of my boys down in the gun deck. We uh we We learned a lot. You're looking kinda cold there. Yeah, pretty fucking cold. Very good, sir. I recommend going your uh appraiser or some sort of uh heating heating object uh

Or maybe the wizard here can help you out, I don't know. Well no sir some sort of mark. And just Conjure a flame. Your firebolt, I guess. No! I mean I c if uh I read digitation. Prestigitation will get rid of all the water. Let's do that with prestigious. It's like a hairdryer. Uh Titus, give me an arcane check. Nice, can you set it up to three?

Seventeen. Nice. So after seeing the fight and after seeing the reveal of uh the now dead um enemy, you realize you've read about these before. This is a form of fay. that lures dalers to their doom. Um it is not a mermaid. It is not a siren. Uh it's something more akin to um evil spirits that live like within lakes and things like that w uh on on uh large continents, they are known for tempting people to their doom. Uh so you uh

you know this that that that's basically what you were fighting. You explain this to the group and the group now knows you came close to being charmed and dead and on a rock in the middle of nowhere for all of eternity. Uh constantly. You don't know. You look really stupid. And you do, you do feel kind of stupid, especially Sword, who remained under a thrall for most of the time. Titus being the only one to resist.

He was the only one that knew I knew the whole time. I was just playing into it. Why didn't you stop us? I think it's very important. I did try to. You jumped in. I don't remember you s trying to stop us at all. You're a big guy. Right? Who you looking around looking for like who you looking around for? Hang on, am I up on the ship now?'Cause how do I get back'cause I can't swim.

You got the inflatable stuff. Where were you before when when the fire I was on the rocks. So you hadn't jumped in yet? No, you was you jumped in. I jumped in, I swam with Terrence over to the rocks, scarp onto the rock. What would you have done? So you're still on the rock? Kick my way over again. Kick my way back again using Terrence as a flag. So and they've thrown a rope down, they've hauled you up over to the side. Titus is busy get drying people's clothes. You idiot k pee pee.

You were so into that, weren't you? You were into that more than me. You gave her a smoochie on the lips. What do you think of my acting? Why were you acting? Wow. So what benefit did we possibly I was trying to lure her. As impressive self-to-lure back. Self driving action was great. Thank you. You really shut your head in that puddle. Yeah, but and that opened up the

the vulnerability and then she's dead now. Well sword was the only one to kiss her as well. Exactly. I was willing to go to second or third bit. What was it like? The bits of flesh that came out from what did they taste like? Was it just Like dead flesh? Did that reveal anything for you, or did you keep you kept going after that?

Yeah. Compressed with spells, eh? Yeah? Talk about the spells more. Thank you. Visually they create something that was very unrealistic in my eyes. What do you mean? I've never seen a trying like that. Oh I see. I thought you were talking about like your turn. I don't know what yours look like. Some sort of animal, hog? Well, I would say no, but it's like the idea of longer hair. Just like you with long hair. Yeah. Nice.

Either way I think we I think most of Keeepis learnt a lesson today. Yes. I've learned a lesson. Don't give in to Titan. Don't trust Titus because he won't try and stop us when something bad's happening. Oh I killed it. I thought another end of new rules your uh love hot eyes suddenly fade away. Don't go that you could have stopped us. I feel like you wanted us to go.

You wanted to be captain on your own I was uh withholding myself from jerking on your maniac on the c come on, captains. You gotta be co-captains, right? You were out there too! I was and I feel terrible about it. I tried to get you to look and tell me what we could see.

Beautiful dwarven maiden. A nice or irresistible Triton. It was hard for everyone. We all th we've all we've all embarrassed ourselves today. We really have. Although I apart from me who was acting. Definitely acting. Apart from Captain Sword who was acting. Um, let's just forgive ourselves and and we need we need you know, we've got much greater foes to face than this.

If we are to take on the horn. You need to be prepared. You need to learn from these experiences. Right. Resist or temptation. Bring yourself closer together through strife. And and you know, maybe patch your wounds up and stuff, maybe a short rest would be a good idea, gentlemen. Speaking of the horn, I'll be in my captain's quarters for the next five minutes. You saw what she looked like at the end?

That was enough to put off anything. I've still got the original image in my head. I don't think I'll ever learn to trust again. No, that's gonna be a that's gonna be bad Who I think is right for me is right for me. Doesn't matter any year, does it? I go off and jack on. You ready Nee? And with that we end part one of uh session thirteen.

Of booty, high seas, low expectations. Well done. You guys succeeded very well. I thought there would be a bit more chaos than that, but you managed to do some It felt pretty chaotic to me. You did some good damage. I think that's the main thing. Like that that head popper. Like I was like, you know, Titus is gonna be the guy that's gonna be shitting the damage here, he's in a good position on the boat.

But you know the the head popping, very, very good. And sword just sucking up the hate was probably quite useful as well, you know. Like um I took the bear I took the force. You took the beating on that one. Uh thank you very much to our Patreons who've been supporting this.

Podcast, we very much appreciate uh also the this show. They also support our podcast. This show is also available as a podcast. Um, it's also uh on the Hat Films YouTube channel. It's also broadcast live on twitch.tv uh for the next Next two weeks and then obviously this one's ending. But thanks for joining in. We will be continuing this in part two.

Uh where another thing's going to happen. Oh what? No. No way. Yeah, I was hoping for that. Nice. I hope you love Theatre of the Mind ship roleplay. Yes, please. I can't imagine. I'd ship it. Thanks so much today. everyone. Goodbye. Right, I'm actually gonna take a poop.