Episode 14 - Part 2: The Finale

Hi, I'm Michelle Madison. And I, of course, am your John Jacobson, and we are the video game outsiders. Yeah, we've been doing this podcast for over twenty years. And we talk about everything in gaming from PC to console, but we also go off topic a lot. We do. And we're silly. We don't take ourselves seriously. We are. And there's a lot of news. Sometimes gaming news, sometimes news of

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Welcome. To booty, high C's, low expectations. You join us for the finale. That's right, part two of session 14, the final in our first campaign within the world of booty. We hope you've enjoyed it. Thank you very much for everyone for tuning in, watching, subscribing, donating, patreoning, all that stuff. We do appreciate it. And that's why this series has made it to completion, much like our cast. Ross Wobby Christmas. We survived the whole way. Sissy boy Craig, stop crying. Sorry.

They play really great characters. And uh well What? Sissy boy? What's wrong with sissy boy? No. My granddad used to say that to me all the time when I cried. I don't think that's alright. Don't think that's okay. So we are gonna be taking on the horn, the legendary uh big boss. of the high seas. It's an area of um

Legend and battle. Legend and battle challenge reward. Hmm? And it doesn't actually exist. Oh my god. It was just a rumor. You turn up and it's just some rocks. What is this? Oh man. Uh the ultimate bait. Um Trot, did you do any notes for part one? I'm just writing them right now. But uh we just did it. We fresh- We literally just did it. If you haven't watched part one yet of session fourteen, go back and watch it, you dumbass. Um we

Resolved the group resolved the triangular turtle situation. Um, they managed to break Titus free from his indentured servitude, only to have him sink to the bottom of the ocean. Uh from which he found um little Pudlington, and uh a young Triton boy called Finn helped him escape his shackles, his manacle.

uh he swam to the surface and eventually uh made it back onto the raw dog. Uh the two remaining heroes, Sword and Kapipi of the Raw Dog, managed to um Trick, convince, teleport and charm their way out of a situation on board that ship. You now have broken free. The ship you last saw was being smashed to pieces by the giant turtle that they had to enslave. Uh it had some retribution there. Um now you are back on your course.

just a day or two away from the legendary horn. Now I actually looked this up and there's a term. the thing I was thinking of. So you know how like the Bermuda triangle exists? You know how currents and winds exist? Mm-hmm. What? Um yeah they exist. Now there is a term for these uh conjoined or convening currents and it is a Gaia, I believe. God. Jaya. A gya. Jaya. So a gyre is a is a term for currents and winds that converge in a certain place.

Now the horn is that. The horn is in the center of the Notlantic. It is an area which most adventurers most uh shipping uh companies try to avoid. It takes extra time and effort, but they they avoid it. However, those who are perhaps the Castellia, the people from the Castle uh the City by the Sea, the monster hunters, They seek out the horn. They seek to take on its uh legendary trials. And that is what you are doing now. You are sailing towards the horn.

Anything you want to do before you get to the horn? You have been enthrumed by your your na sorry? I want to hear the whole song that could be be performed en route. As do we all. What's the song body massage? Do you want a full body massage from Hansom Mandy? Yeah, Hansomandy could do it. You want him to do it?

Why I'm just naked from the swimming. Yeah. Alright. It's been a while since I've done too much uh that much physical exercise in such a short swimming. So you naked? No, I've got little briefs on. Got little briefs on, okay. Well nipples are exposed. Do you want him to put his fingers in your gills? No.

This is a good thing. If it does I'll get I'll kick off massage, right? I'm gonna kick off a big one. It's a sports massage, yeah. A sports massage, yeah. You need to just get these muscles, you know. Back to their former glory. Glory. Pee P what does your song sound like? Go on. I mean it goes on for like hours. Wow, you guys were a lot of people. It's like a whole opera. It is an epic scenario. The cliff notes of the performance. First of all, the ship.

Look like this as I was doing it. There you go. Yeah, describe that to someone listening. So we're on our way to the haw sorry, it's all the ship yeah, of course. So podcast listeners. Imagine you can see the ship. Okay. Okay, that's for the next crazy. It's it's got all lights going on. The light show from Bob and Knob's light show box is going as the as it's dust.

You say it's gonna take a couple of days to get there, so we do it's like a festival, you know, like I'm headlining each night. Boom, boom, boom. Who's on tonight? Ah, it's a pee pee. Boom boom boom boom. Tricked him Z2. Boom boom boop boop boom. We're going to the horn. Sing it!

We're going to go to the horn. We're gonna get horny at the horn. Gonna get horny. And we bring it down. Your keys, Abby. Dun dunks. I didn't know you were carrying anything. I don't know whatever on the thing is. Three days in, I can't do this again. And then it gets really emotional. It's like we've come a long way together but friendship together we're best

Yes, friends, I can't do without it. Yeah. And then like that that goes on for a bit and then we skip into like there's like a loot solo in there. Imagine like the helium rhapsody, how it goes through the and then it goes to like an acapella bit where it's like It's a horn! It's a horn! We are going to the horn! And then each section is like a you you take a point of exhaustion, so hours and hours of performance. Over days.

No, exhaust is actually really kill himself up there. Bring him down, hoist him. You take half your HP as damage and you're exhausted for the rest of the fight. Okay. You have no spell slots. Uh Good performance though. Thank you, uh I wasn't done. And then I end down on my knees up to the sky like this. Titus comes in, he levitates me up with the whole you know, above the whole ship, and we're just like Smoke machine.

Totally worth the spell slide. Expecting a big round of applause but everyone's gone to sleep. Nothing comes. Only the lapping of the waves against the hull and the squawk of the gulls. Bongo is he's done. He's like He's on the floor, uh discarded tanker to the side, and you need to give me a death saving throw. Oh god. No, you don't, I'm kidding. Um again, it's it's a fun it's just we're we have toying with our lives, yes. This is serious. And out of nowhere, a dragon just

Plucks you. Woo! What the fuck? The horn is just like full of death. Uh no, right, good job. Your PP, uh if you don't already have it, you can have a point of inspiration and so could everybody. How do I add the if you want? Basically it just allows you to get advantage on a role of your choice.

Yeah, tick that. What the fuck? It's literally just an indication that you have it. Okay. Okay. And then you can just use that at any point to get an uh advantage on a any roll. Inspired to get myself double health. Right you are. Essentially it will give you a re roll. Um and you'll get to choose which one you want to use.

It's a silly overused mechanic. Uh underused. Mm yeah, it's a bit of a weird one, but you know, why not use it? Um Is that on every roll or just on the next one? You just get to choose any roll you want once. You can roll it again. Yeah. Okay. Like advantage, remember Advantage? So it's that. Mm-hmm. Okay. There you go. The sea is calm, the wind is beginning to drop as A barely conscious bongo confirms after glancing at the maps held in front of him by Hans Mandy.

uh that you appear to be very close to the horn. You find out that Bongo is becoming more and more drunk because he's heard about the stories of the horn and the pressure is getting to it. He feels worried, stressed, you know, all those things. And in order to deal with that, he wants to seem professional. You know, he's like, I need to I need to keep this together. But in in trying to keep it together he's actually, you know.

passed out drunk, which is sort of undone that. But anyway, Bongo sorts lazily z yeah um the works about right is go. Um You are you're y you're you're you're entering a fog bank. So fog What? I'd like to make a deposit. Begins to He's taking a dime over the side. There's a moment of silence and then a plop. Um The fog is rolling around you. You can no longer see the surface of the ocean. The wind has dropped to almost nothing. The ship is barely moving. Moving at a few knots. You drift.

Uh maintaining your course into the fog. We've got to be alert for anything. We're in uncharted territories now. No, it's on the chart, that's how we got it. Oh there it is, yeah. I really thought we were off the map with a challenge. What's going on with um what's his name over there? What is his name? Drunken Boy, he's really drunk. Drunken Boy. I assume you just had a good time at my gigs.

No, I think he's there's something else. He's drowning his sorrows. I in fact commanded him to stop drinking and he didn't listen. Oh my god. So which makes me think he's already got fifty far gone. Do you think he needs an intervention? Cage him?

We could cage him and then dunk him. I was thinking more of just talking to him and find out what's wrong. Oh yeah, we could do that. As you're talking through the silence through the almost complete silence, considering you're at at sea, you hear like a And you hear the unmistakable sound of rowing of a small rowboat. Um you hear the oars dropping into the water, a stroke, and then the oar coming out of the water once again.

Off of the front left of your ships. The front left, um uh the port bow. Did anyone order a delivery? No, did I deliver this file? Can you do that? I guess I could polymorph myself as a bird and go grab something if you want. But I'd be a bird for an hour. I don't want to be a bird for an hour.

I guess none of us. Well did we didn't order anything? I don't think we ordered anything. Let's just look over the side and see what that sound is. You look over the side and a golden light pierces through the fog bank. Um first of all you just see the light itself and then the image begins to resolve. A tall, spindly looking character.

Uh emerges from the mist. Um seemingly a man. He looks a little undead, more undead than that image. Um a sort of s washed up sea mage like character emerges from the mist on a small rowboat. Uh the rowers themselves, uh th the character I'm describing is stood up at the front, holding a golden lantern aloft, peering through the mist. There are a bank of four rowers uh rowers sat behind him who are skeletons. Uh skeletons rowing his little boat. What the fuck? Do we say something to them?

Well, what do you say to a skeleton? He stands at the bow, mostly decomposed. Oh your bag of bones, something like that? I don't know. Oh threatening, nice. Should we th should we just Oh babe travelers? Offer them some food. Oh, hello. I'm the keeper of the horn. Are you looking to get horny?

Yeah God yes! I thought you'd never ask! We've been looking for you for weeks. Well this could be a trick, guys. What's with the stuff? No, the hall is hard to get through. It could just be a He literally said the name of the thing we're here to. Show us your credentials! Who are you, sir? I am the keeper of the horn. I ask of you again. Are you looking to get

Horny. I swear he's got a big thing. I can't tell him he's joking. He's too far away to tell if he's giggling or not. Are you giggling? I wanna get horny. I can't hear you! I want to get I am ho I am horny. FUM the horn! We mean something different than what you maybe think we mean though. Lower down a ladder and I will come aboard. Why? Out of the question. What's your what's with the skeletons? Oh I'm sorry, I thought you wanted to get horny.

Well yeah d I do but you Lower a ladder! Let me aboard or turn away. Andy lower a ladder, mate. Andy. Andy, before we lower you as a ladder, can you lower the ladder? Yeah, very good. Yeah. Go to the ladder and he throws down like one of those rope ladders with the wooden slats. Nice. Uh with the wooden steps. Come on up then you horny bastard. Haha, I'm coming. And he puts the lantern down. Climbs. He's got a little backpack on, climbs up the ladder and steps out onto the deck.

You see him now in his full height, a tall man around Titus's height, very skinny. His clothes look like they've been regularly dunked in ocean water. Parts of his face are falling off of his cheekbones. Um he looks to be almost decomposing. Not triton. He smells of it. He is not a Triton. Smells of salt. He smells of salt and the ocean. Does it have the smell salt? It does actually, yeah. Does it? I've never smelt it. What's going on here?

Do you have a name, Horny Traveller? I am known simply as the keeper of the horn. Ah, horny beast. Does it call to you? Uh well I guess we're calling to the horn. So you see. Horny? Yeah, we're looking for some horny action. Are all these two other adventurers alongside you? Do they all here to be horny? For the horn. Just think we're getting horny. We want to get horny with this guy. Is this kink or something? I don't care. Yes, I believe

So we will be on. Set. We're going to get horny. We're horny. We want to get horny. You want to get horny. The deep calls to you and you have answered. Which of its great titans will you choose? I have for you here three trinkets. Each trinket represents a great titan. Uh and uh Whoa, this is moving quickly. He reaches into his bag and pulls out three small um little trinkets, each seemingly representing a primal essence of their respective titan. These trinkets could fit in your pocket.

But the monsters they represent won't. Um so in front of you there are three trinkets. Uh one is a small crab made of what looks like a sti a stippled volcanic rock. Um it's been sort of carefully whittled. Uh the a ne the next is a tiny glass vial shaped like a fish. It seems to contain seawater. The final one is the feather of a flying fish.

Now this is in fact a fin. Flying fish don't have feathers, of course, but they do have uh fins on either side of them that look like wings. This is uh sort of preserved feather. Which of these trinkets do you choose? I will let you Talk amongst yourself before you do. Wait, what was the second one again? A tiny glass vial the shape of a fish containing seawater. The first was a crab made of a stippled volcanic rock. The third is a feather of a flying fish.

Is there some sort of riddle? What is this? Uh I think we just literally. Which one costs the most? Which one we can we pedal the most? I think I can crush all three of these with my hands. Really? They're very small, look at them. Even the volcanic rock one?

Yeah, I could probably I could probably stomp on that one. So are these valuable? Could we resell the what are these for? Do we keep it? You can keep them if you survive, yes. So wait a second. Smirking. What do you mean survive? Something summons you see I didn't see. Many adventurous Are you ill? It makes me want to cough the smell mainly. Many adventurers come to the horn.

They think that they will find great riches here, but my beasts often turn them back. So how often have these trinkets been held out to adventurers and then taken back off their dead bodies? Many great beasts, these titans of the ocean, come to me. They are not simply beasts, but they're because you're awny. You did it funny. These great beasts are not just mighty, they are also smart. They are not lured here by some mindless instinct.

They are particularly violent individuals which enjoy fighting the best the world can offer. I speak with them, I speak with the creatures of the deep. I am an envoy, if you will, to the adventurers that come here. I offer you the chance to best one of these creatures, and in return you shall receive a boon. from Dovij Ans' Locker. Dovey. Sorry, we'll say it again? Jans. Dovey. Dovey Jans Locker. I thought you said something. Dovey Jans. Good to meet you, Dovey. I am not Dovey. Oh.

So you just hand Hey Dove, what's so these little Please stop calling me that. Well wait what what's your name again? I am the keeper of the horn. Where's this locker? I have a name. Hornkeeper. Given to me by land folk. Hornkeeper. Yes. These three toys um representative of the real beasts. Indeed. What do each of those beasts properties have? And can you tell me?

Well of course there is an element of mystery, an element of surprise. Is this your kink? Do you get off on like luring He's about to tell her It's just weird with the whole trinket thing. Is this your day job? What is this? This is my job. This is my task. I do it for the joy of it. So you're not like bound or cursed to do this or anything? You look like you've been cursed.

I'm bound to this rock. I live upon the horn. The horn is a small island, a collection of rocks, the odd beach. But largely it is the convergence of current. The create a particularly rich area in the ocean, one of which I am bound to. Can you get deliveries out here or is it kind of cut off? We get deliveries in the form of uh other boats. Smirkin again. Many have fallen afoul of the horn. It has not always been the case that adventurers come here to do battle.

mm, often mm great containers, shipping companies, things like that, they fall afoul of the currents and rocks in these regions and well they coalesce here. The breakages, the wreckages they form on this island and uh And uh time here. Oh. Guys, do you find it weird that we just we were so focused on the horn we never actually considered what it is and if we want it. Or how it is. Or what or how we were just or where it is on or why it is what it is or where

I offer you a boon from Dover Jane's locker. This can be a whip. A great item? Who knows? It's something that you want. What are your wildest dreams? What are the your ambitions, the things that you've always wished to obtain? Very personal question. I will reward you with an audience with the great The Yimoth of the Deep, the one with which I confer. They will reward you. They will fulfil your wildest dreams.

That's what I was gonna say I was gonna suggest it's the almost the exact same thing. Be careful what you wish for, but wish for a million wishes. Okay. We got you. More wishes, please. They've got me again. No! Oh! One request. Do not waste the behemoth's time. Do we have to say it's a little bit more than a little bit? You'll be squashed like a plankton. If I say it out loud, doesn't it mean it won't come true? No!

Shut up! Choose a trinket! Do it now, or I will leave and sink to the channel. Choose one? Collectively? Yes, choose! The trinkets represent the titan you will face. Is it one each or one? It's Which one? He's not smoking anymore. I was unsettled at first but now I'm unsettled that the smirking has stopped. Yeah, tell us about the three beasts if you can. Keep it mysterious though. Well Ask if we're horny. It's when we see that smoke. Which one's the easiest? A volcanic rock. Represents Krabner.

The demon crab. Demon crab. A crab made huge by the rich thermal vent. That litter the ocean floor. Crabs are scary as well. The sink it that is a tiny glass vial, the shape of a fish containing seawater. Is Meon. Sounds wild. The fish demon. Another demon. Oh keeps saying that. These are names the sailors give them. You must remember that. That's how the last one's not a demon. Finally Eir. The feather of a flying fish. This monster is Flaptop.

The giant flying mantay. Is it a demon mantay? No, it's just a giant flying mantay. Uh no flying sounds like a problem. Manturais is a pretty scary creature. How much range you got, not much. Huh? If we had to destroy this beast. Range? Yeah. On what? If something was flying and you had to attack it and barely attack it in front of me. Or would you rather attack a giant I'm assuming it's it's a big beast, something crab?

They have shells, right? So I can almost relate to it. That's not what it's about though. No? A crab's a protective shell. I think it helps a lot of things. A volcanic rot is right. And what was the other one a trinket of fish or something? Some sort of fish in a bowl. So that sounds like we can just pour it out of the water. Yeah, that's what they call it though. But a little fishy, like what damage could a little fishy do? If we manage to get that on land.

Or do we have to go under the water because we'll we you'll die. Well you can do that. That's the point. I can't find the five. I don't want to fight on my own again. I've almost fought all these battles on the water. We can fight from the ship. So we've got the flying one. Mm-hmm. Which I can't fly. We've got the ones in the water. Both of them in the water. Where I can't swim. Mm-hmm. Uh I'll leave it to you guys to choose then because I'm at a loss either way. I'm with like

Fish and crabs are pretty even for me. You're more fish, are you? I think fish are. Oh, that sways the boat there. And I can at least breathe underwater even if I sink. Right, let's hold my breath at least. Quick questionnaire on Hornman. Horny Boy. Horny Dweller. Hornfolk. Uh. Horny Boy. How many people have won and got Dovey Jans Locker?

Change it to Dovey Jane's. Okay. Dovey Jane, sorry. That's okay. Many. Many have bested my titans. Many. We are talking about a history of hundreds of years, but it is not Impossible? It's uncommon. Anyone we know? No, they've all died. You are the first of your generation to come here. Oh my god. How far are we from the edge of this planet?

You're in the centre of an Atlantic Sea. Are we like is there like a waterfall edge somewhere? No. Oh. Not how this works. I just want to make sure he knows. My my titans will eat you for dinner. If we do get horny. Idiot. with one of these trinkets. Yeah. What benefit does it have to us? Yeah? Why wouldn't we just watch it? What's a boon now? Well the best my Titan. It may help if you write

Down. No. Best my Titan and be rewarded with a boon. Choose a trinket in the next two minutes, or I will sink this ship. For the fish and the goldfish. The goldfish, I think. The little fish. You choose. A tiny glass var the shape of a fish containing seawater. I'm shaking a lot of seawater in shape. I will summon me on I'm gonna drink it. Don't drink it, don't it's a sealed vial. Oh. Not anymore. Whoops. And it is just seawater. Uh no, you can drink it if you want.

You can drink it, there's some seawater in it. Yeah, it's disgusting. You spit it out. Who wasn't lying? That's seawater. And the um the keeper of the horn steps back towards the ladder, climbs back down, and climbs back into his boat.

The uh the boat turns around and disappears into uh the f the fog. Moments after the boat disappears into the fog, by the way, the time of day right now is about three o'clock in the afternoon. You can't see the sun because of how foggy and overcast it is. Um but uh there is a greyish white um even like throughout this whole place.

As the boat disappears into the fog, moments later the fog begins to clear. First, you see the surface of a very flat ocean. Um part. Sorry, sorry, the ocean itself does not part. The fog parts to reveal the glassy surface of the ocean. And again the fog peels away to reveal. The horn. Several hundred meters off of the front left of your ship, you've become quite close to what is a very small island. It is um in part

Rocky. There are a few small beaches on this tiny island. The island itself is perhaps only half a mile across. Uh, it is circular. Uh, there are several small coves. But what really strikes you is that upon this rocky island is a A pile, a makeshift structure, if you will, of many, many ships hull. Wooden ships, pieces of them, litter this island. Hundreds of broken wooden ships of would-be adventurers, would-be uh combat.

who have lost their ships and they've been added to this sort of great pile. There are other elements of of of ships that have been brought here by the tides and by the currents, um deposited upon the ship uh upon the island, sorry. And um Just imagine sort of a great, almost uh a fortified town, if you will, but uh everything is made up of of wood and rocks.

Um and they're piled high. Uh This is not what I expected. The name of the horn comes from in the centre of the island where the s the great pile of ships is. There is a large curve, not unlike a rhinoceros horn. of ship. I see it now. Yeah, now that makes sense. The ship's hulls have been formed into sort of slightly lopsided structure, which looks a little bit like the top side of a half moon or uh, like I say, the horn of a rhinos around his horn. Looks like a

Incredible. You have a few moments of peace, of quiet. W is there anything you'd like to do? Anything that you'd like to tell your crew before uh you know

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The fish demon meon sh rears its fishy little fucking head. Right. Dr. Feelgood. First mate, second mate, and captains of the raw dog. I'd like us all to have a final meeting, please. Do we get Kevin on it? No, no, of course not. Of course we don't get that. Saying he's down there, we don't really speak so that we're not. But like it we're at the horny dimensioning. I've seen him in ages. What's he like down there? We're in the mood. We're at the four. How's he doing? Pissed off.

Well what's happened since I've been come. What do you mean? Well, I was enslaved for a little short while and when I went to the case. I haven't seen Kevin for a bit. I just wonder how you how he's. Why do you care about him? We'll find him afterwards. Yeah.

You might want to know what's going on. Well maybe you'll find out. I mean if these are titans are what I think now, they're pretty big, big boys. What do you think they are? I thought they're like goldfish. No, they're not like goldfish. They're not gonna be it's not gonna really be like the little fish. It's not gonna be tiny. Well no, it's gonna be bigger. Why? Well, because it seem look at the smirk on this guy's face. I thought you just had a Come on!

Right, so how big okay look we need to bo we need to make sure we got all our you know our best stuff. You know how when we're walking around the the like uh gold to file, you know, you have people come up to you and say, Hey, you wanna get a whore? And it I thought it was just one of those but in the sea. Yeah, drug.

I we I'm just like we're just appeasing. Yeah but he might do some working. I don't think it's gonna carve anything. Around like the Horn, I I bet it's a tourist trap, right? You got all these like merchants. Have you seen all those ships? Yeah, look at the heroes. Where do you think they come from? They're probably built Well, they create the story, but it's kinda like a theme park, I thought. That's very odd to think that.

We're probably just gonna sail calmly through this water and go through a little bit. Stop the goldfish, we're done. Alright, I'm just saying. Let's be cautious. Off the left of the boat between you uh basically on the side of your ship, which I presume is now stopped.

really. There's no wind that or not that much wind really to propel you. You will be able to move the ship in combat, but at the moment there's not very much to push you along. So presuming that your ship is currently stopped to allow that keeper on and off. Uh to the left of the ship in the water, um perhaps twenty feet off of uh the railing, the water begins to swell. And swell at first it starts as a small current moving.

And then larger and larger still before about sixty feet in diameter a whirlpool starts to form. Well that's not good, is it? No, it's like a spinny thing. Kind of want to see it from the glass bottom of our ship. Oh you wanna go down to the bottom of a look? Wellness. Let's go down there overlook. We're gonna have a look into the ocean through our glass bottom floor. Oh nice, good idea.

Um, so you're both down you're all downstairs. Yeah, we've all rushed down to the bottom to see. Not now, Kevin! You can't see much. There are what looks like Um it's very w quickly shelves um from this island. This island is is is a an unusual outcropping. Beneath you is very deep, deep ocean still. This um is unusual this island because it yeah, it seems to er uh erupt out of nowhere. Um beneath you you see large fauna, nothing huge. Um

you know, a few large fish, things like that swim beneath you, but nothing at the moment. You think uh you you can see a little bit of la the structure of the edge of the island. So if you imagine the island is coming up from the seafloor, there is a very s uh dramatic shelf that happens as in the the the ground falls away to open ocean. But on the edge of the rocks and things like that that form the island under the water you can see very large crab. Everything here seems

Very large. This could be like one of the features of the horn, you know. They have these nice Like some places have fountains on display, that sort of thing. I guess this place has whirlpools, yeah. They've probably got some yeah, wizard down there just working like oh shit, come on, spin up the water. Spin up the whirlpool. You guys think it's like a theme park? Yeah.

We said this, yeah. Did you see the skeletons? As you're talking, right? A large shadow. Larger than your shit Sweeps beneath you. Wait, you see that? What was that? Oh my god. Do we need three D glasses? Maybe. I think we might do. Are there four D effects here? Are we gonna get splashed or? Uh hopefully not. Well, yeah, well I don't know, I don't know what the effects are.

I've not been to a theme park. You guys are idiots. We're gonna die. Come on. Should we just try and like, you know, get onto the that landy bit? From up on top. Oh, let's have a look. On the top deck, you hear a cry. Who's there? Who was there? Quickly to the top deck. I'm running up.

Up to the top deck, hands Mandy's there, hands on his bucket. What happened? Looking around. What? It's Bongo. What? He fell over the side. He fell over the side. He lost it. What? He said he couldn't take the pressure anymore and he threw himself in the side. Where's what? Into the world. Where is he? He threw himself in and he's only gonna end it very slowly with droning! But where is he in there? That's terrible. Where is he? Uh you look over the edge and you see a dwarf.

Just going round and round in this world. Bongo! And he begins to increase in strength. I'll get you Bongo. How do we save him? Can you levitate him out or something? Maybe it's quite far away. I just feel like Can I re And then he spins and spins and spins and spins before he goes to the centre? I'm gonna run and jump in. You're jumping in. I'm jumping in. Mark. You jump in. Yeah, to get him. Why? Do you jump into the whirlpool?

Uh wherever he is, yeah. He's in the whirlpool. Yeah, jump in that. I'm getting you. Oh, we could be here for one day because that's how long are we gonna last? You sploosh into this whirlpool that's now about 30. wide. Give me a DC str uh give me a strength check, sorry.

Okay. By your reaction I feel like I shouldn't have done this. I just jumped into a whirlpool that swallowed a man. It's all cool, it only requires a DC 18 strength check to get out of. I hope you're a strong boy. Strength check is plus two plus two. What did you roll? An eight. Swim! Kapufi is immediately in trouble. He hits the surface of the water.

Uh you are now restrained. A strange creature's speed becomes zero. You can't benefit from any bonus to your speed. Attack rolls against the creature have advantage, and the creature's attack rolls have disadvantage. Bloody melon. You could use your inspiration to re-roll that don't really want, but

You don't necessarily have to use it. I wouldn't I'm not trying to revising you the way. This is a good challenge. I'm just reminding you of a feature. I forgot it was there, so I would like to use it at this point at the moment. Oh your inspiration. Yeah. Would you like me to polymorph your fish? That's a three. That was a three. You're still stuck in there. I've got this, don't worry. Whoa! Oh shit. Oh yeah. Do I roll initiative? Because I'm like You feel something touch your feet.

Nat 20. Nat 20 is 20. You best think of what you're gonna do. Because you're gonna be first. Boy. You should probably roll an issue just so we know when we're going to. Yeah, definitely roll an issue. Oh god, what's happened to my rolls today? That was a one. So you spent them all before the stream.

Oh yeah. Plus three. So that's four. Nice. Thought? Fourteen. Yep. What I'm gonna do is cast a spell called Mage Hand, which is a hand that's like the size of a hand, and I'm gonna slap you around the face. And allow you to drown. I was trying to save our friends. Seemingly the main threat at the moment is the fact that um Bongo has slipped b beneath the surface. He reached the center of the the whirlpool, even though Kapipi tried to um heroically save him.

He reached the centre and he just plopped down the middle of the whirlpool and disappears. Kapipi is now circling the outside of the whirlpool, being carried around by its strong currents. The whirlpool is about 30 feet and it's about 20 to 30 feet away from the left-hand side of your ship. Uh so KPP's probably about 30 to 40 feet away. You can need to jump in after me. He's spinning round and he doesn't seem to be able to escape the strength of the current.

I think he lost his mind. He knows he cast him, but he jumped right in. Oh man. What do we do? Just leave him so his wasted mind can die happily? No. Or do we save him? We tried to save you. You did not No, we didn't. But we thought about it. We've been trying to save you. You tried to drop that uh Iron Maiden. Yeah, well I don't know that. No, you don't know that. And he hasn't told you that either. Look, I'm just saying, he jumped in there recklessly.

I don't want to die because of his recklessness. We can't kill the fish without him. Alright, let's levitate him up or polymorph him into a fish. Things are looking sticky for Mickey. Your choice. I don't know, I feel like polymorphine will be an hour of kind of whatever he is and then he'll I don't think polymorphine is the best idea. Um what about like I can make him walk on water? Whoa! Can you keep it to one word per cycle, please? I know. We can't hear you on the other side. Um

Right, so uh Titus it's your go first. I do a walk on water spell for him. Uh don't void I mean I don't know how that works with a swirling whirlpool. Well what's the s uh the let me just well what's the details of the spell? Can you cast it on another person? Uh and what's the distance you can cast it at? So there's thirty feet. Don't know where I am now. Mm-hmm. The spell grants the ability to move.

Across any liquid surface. Uh if you target a creature submerged in liquid The spell carries the target to the surface of a liquid at a rate of sixty feet per per round. Such as water, acid, mud, snow, quick, sand, or lava. Yep, it's a little bit more than a little bit. Why not cast it on everyone? I'm going to give us all Water walking. Let's walk on water.

What do you have to do to do it? Is there a hit or is there a roll? Just spin here, just slightly larger. Got armbands for toes! Flappy fish, flappy feet, flappy feet onto the water. Oh I'm running. What's the what you have to do for it? No, just willing creatures in the thirty foot range. Yeah, and it'll the duration of an hour. Yeah it lasts an hour. So we can just be on the water for an hour.

No drowning for us. Is Bongo still in range? It's not even concentration, it just do it. Let us walk on water! I assume Bongo's gone. Otherwise would be insane to do I'm pressing the button. Dis Bongo get caught up in this or is he gone? Is Bongo gone? Bongo I couldn't need to see him. You can't see him. Walk on water. Rip in peace. Press the button. On go. Could I start? Titus, you begin to move to sorry, not Titus, uh Kipi. You

You s surface. Is this what swimming is? I can swim! Not at all! I've discovered how to swim! Stupid turtleman! Who said that? God. This is God speaking. This is all this is total, you're fucking stupid. Um And God out! Uh Peace. Peace. No, it's uh Kipi you you come to the surface and you can now walk on water. Look at that. Look at this guys. Look what I can do. Great one. I wish I didn't have to do it though. You shouldn't have jumped. He's gone.

I can let me just come back to the ship and I'm gonna explain one thing to you. Can I make it can I make it back to the ship? It's not your turn, but in your turn you'll be able to move. Yep. Um sword, you'll go. I'm gonna test the walking on water thing. You're jumping on.

Wow. Well wait, what were we in fight? We're in fight mode, right? But what were we fighting? Huh? Can I have a little glance over the side and see if there's anything stirring in the water other than a huge whirlpool? Like, can I see bongo? Any sort of sight of the conception check for bongo. Nine plus perception, which is plus nothing. No. You can't see bongo unfortunately.

You may you see one of his you see it his tankard floating on the surface, however. It's made its way outside the current and his wooden tankard is bobbing on the surface. It's like if his shoes come off. Yeah. You know it. Nar narratively if you lose the lantern. Yeah. Oh that's his favorite drinking cup. Bongo. Looks like it was the drink that killed them all. In the end. We couldn't help him. I tried to make him stop. Kipi, get up here.

I'll get up. If I if it's my own. Six seconds, remember. Hey baby get up here. That's my tur. But do you wanna do it do you wanna take it? Yeah, I'm gonna stay here. I'm gonna hold. Mm-hmm If anything comes out of the water, I'm gonna shoot it with my musket. Nice. Your musket is ready. Um and we're gonna presume you keep it. Anything that comes out of the water. Anything at all. Okay, cool. Right. You're gonna blast it. Okay, anything else? You good? That's me.

From out from beneath the whirlpool, as Kapipi just makes it outside the current, centers on the whirlpool, a whale-like breach happens. You know how you see like um whales breaching out with their mouths from underneath the ocean? Let's go! Huge demon piss! Oh, it was a demon fish. Reaches out from underneath the whirlpool and just as these its jaws, it's similar to an angler fish in its appearance. Oh it's got like a giant jaw. massive mouth with jagged teeth can be seen.

It's got these terrifying soulless eyes, like a doll's eyes. Um it comes up, breaches out of the water. Its skin is a mottled brown and orange with strange lumps and and and tendrils and and little whiskers adorning its head and chin. Its mouth is almost the size, let's say it's the size of the whirlpool itself, about 30 feet across. Wow. Just as its mouth comes up through the surface of the water and closes, you see bongo.

Oh there he is! The jaw closed! My god, what a fingering that must feel like. Can I shoot at the door? We'll get him out later. You can shoot at the target. Get me out! You're on the surface of the water, you're fine! You'll be fine down there! Just a fridge to the surface of the deck! I can't explain all this in t the time. Twenty-three.

Uh twenty-two, sorry. Nice. Uh yeah, that hits. Twelve points of musket damage. Is that with the plus ten that we decided a little while back for battle? Twenty-two points of musket damage. Pretty good. Very good. I really pumped this one full of gunpowder. What you're aiming for on the fish, just anything you can hit. Just like I just reflexively shot at it. Okay. So whatever. It pops one of the little tiny little like weird bulbous things on the surface of the fish.

God damn it. Oh that limpet? What the fuck is that? It just popped off a giant limpet.

Boom! He opens up with... A tidal wave! Not only has he cast his uh great um whirlpool, which is what he lures his beast, uh his prey in with, he casts tidal wave at your ship. Uh you've seen this before from Titus. Uh it's uh ten feet wide and up to ten feet tall. No. It attempts to smash into the side of your ship. Each creature that's you three must make a dexterity saving throw. Oh shit. Yeah. You've used your inspiration now. We could use it if we really mess it up. Hey. You got

There's two on that. Oh don't even need it. Who's this one? Nineteen. Nineteen. Oh it does. Okay, nice. Can't read it. Oh twenty! Another twenty. Brushes on me. Don't fuck this up, Kapigi. So I'm still in the water at the moment, right? Just outside of the whirlpool. Yeah, you got pushed to the surface and you can walk on it. Come on, be the end of my low rolls.

What what was this one? What, the save you had to make? Seventeen. No, it was it dexterity, was it? Dex, yep. That's only plus one, right? No, you got deck saving throw, so it's that one there. Ah, okay. That's a twelve. You fail. So it's quite high, like seventeen, Jesus. It was pretty high. I got eighteen, so You succeed? Natural twenty. You succeeded.

Oh dear. Bad days for Kippi Power. Caesars coming after taking his shot, he notices the creature trying to turn. He dives out the way and ign uh avoids all damage. You take Eight damage? You take seventeen damage. Just for the scratch. A really big deep mortally wounding scratch. Ki Pipi, it's your go. Okay. I just want to explain a little bit about Ki Peepee's thought process, why he jumped in. Yeah, please do. Do you remember earlier

um sword make PP feel awful for not realizing that he could have helped Titus by jumping in to the development. Exactly. So the moment it happened again, he thought to himself I'm not gonna waste a second and just jump in and and because his intelligence isn't very high, he didn't really think things through, he just acted on impulse for once and just jumped in. That's why he did it. A true role player's choice. Yeah, yeah. So I'd explain that. So where am I now? I'm

Am I alongside the ship at all? Am I near it? Am I uh basically I wanna use my illustration I wanna use my action here. You are on the edge of the whirlpool, you've avoided the damage. You um you got caught by that tidal wave as so you're between

Hopefully out of the water onto the ship or as close to as I can if that you'll let me move, basically. Uh yeah. Uh well you could use your action to dash and climb up the side of the ship and into the ship if you want. That's what I'll do then. Okay. Yep. Uh I'm just quickly checking about uh attacks of opportunity. But I'm gonna say that you managed to um being carried by the wave.

Um it knocks you forward. But you can walk on water. So you sort of like This is a weird effect. This this kind of feels like you're being carried by a crowd. Yeah, exactly. And it crazy must be like. Up to the edge of the ship and you climb up and over the gunnels of the ship. You see Kiki climb over. There's nothing I could have done for Bongo.

He's still alive! He might still be alive, you're not sure. He's in the jaws of the thingy. He's gone. That's all I can say. He's gone? Excellent, right. I'm just very shook. Alright, I moved on. Titus, y'all go. Is it out of the water?

Is it floating? Or is it kind of like a head out of water? Um it is it's on the surface. So you can see it, you can target it. It's a large creature. So the creature itself, well no, it's not large, it's a huge gargantuan creature. Um it is Probably bigger than your ship in in most ways. So imagine the ship. It's a little bit bigger than that in most dimensions. It's the normal shape of a fish with a large head and mouth. Okay. I'm good to shock it. A lightning bolt!

I will finish you the power of a million lightnings. Electricity from the sky will curse you into pain and suffering. Okay. Um It's actually vulnerable to lightning. Well this is great. I shit you not. That's fantastic news because I'm going to cast that spell at a level Four. Yeah. 9d6, which will be lovely if it works out. I think a vulnerable creature takes is it double damage? Yes. Oh

So whatever you roll here, double it. Lightning bolt! Strike you from the sky. 26 on this. But that's 40, 52 damage? Make that? Fucking hell. That's insane. Take this! It hurts him. It hurts him as much as it hurts me. Everybody else a bright fucking blinding light flashes as a huge lightning bolt emanates from Titus.

Arcing across the gap between the boat and the enemy fish, it illuminates the fish. You see its bone structure momentarily in a hilarious Inside its body, you see the skeleton of um of Bongo. Who is shocked to death by this? Oh no, you killed it. You don't know it was me. You don't know. Titus know you'll be okay. Titus being an intelligent wizard and understanding his spells, being able to anticipate the effects of his spells is not so easily blinded. You two

It's just a bright flash. You don't really see the details. Hias, you're fairly sure you saw the skeleton of a dwarf inside the stomach of it. Fuck. But twitched and then went limp. Yeah, I think he's he was dead before he struck it. It's now a toducken? It's a dwarf inside a fish. Yeah. Um a dw a dwarf fish. Yeah. Not as fun as well. Enlarging them would do nothing against such a large beast. It would be merely a larger fish. Is a great bit of damage. Holy shit.

Pfft. Yep. Oof, yikes, wow. Oopsies. Big one. Roasting dwarf? Oh my goodness. In fish? So I wouldn't know what that smells like. Smells like the fish is off. Sword, you'll go.

Sword is going to It looks like it's vulnerable to lightning. What would make you think such a thing? I'm gonna go up into the crow's nest. Hmm. Is that gonna be my entire movement or am I gonna need to dash to get up there? Nah, you can you uh you can do it with your movement. Okay.

Yeah, because you also don't you have like some ability to like walk up the side of the I've got a spider clone, but it'll cost me a um Oh that's a spell. Right. No, yeah, y I'm s you can still do it. You've you've you've experienced me doing this. You fly up the mast. Blow up the mast, I look out on the top, assess where the fish is. You see the fish. It's fucking huge. Don't you feel good? Yes, sir! Ready cannons?

Okay, you sons of bitches, or tell me what's you stupid sons of bitches, and he starts just berating them. And they're like just so they're like inanimate objects, it doesn't make any sense, but he really he goes along each one and picks out something personal about each of the automatons and really tries to emotionally insult them. On my mark.

Fire the cannons and I'm going to use my action to uh do this basically. Command the automatons to ready the cannons. Yep. Um Automatons before I'm ready to find your command. Yeah. You wanna fire? Oh, if we can. You can fire. I'll let you fire it. Yeah, because I mean you're not using any of your abilities. Um tell them to fire. They're ready and loaded because they were prepared for battle. Bang! bam bam bam bam bam bam bang. Um I need to prep

Nice, nice, nice. That's it, that's it. They fire off the four barrels of each of those. There's three cannons on this side of the ship. Each have four barrels firing a golf ball sized projectile. Uh and I believe they do forty ten times three. Uh last one, could you do it? Thank you. Who the hell was that? Then he he starts berating the automaton that that bucked that up. Not the best roles. Uh the cannons do 14 damage each off of a possible four D10 each. Oh my god. Yeah, yeah. Jesus.

So uh just projectiles. Thirty, four, six, twelve. Forty dam forty two damage thereabouts. Still still a great thing, but like it could have done a lot more. Um pricey. You hear a moan from this giant fish demon. And sword. In your head. It's in its death throws. In your head, sword, you feel a presence. Wade into your mind. Get out of my head! There is no way you can possibly stop such a a gargantuan presence. You hear it. You hear an abyssal. Even though you don't

Speak what? Do you speak abysle? It's not required to be able to do that. Do you double double check? Have I been? Because I am a hobgoblin. Not that I'm stereotyped or anything. I I don't think I can. It doesn't matter. You can still understand it for this instance. Yeah, so you understand it You think you can best me You tickle me with the balls you throw at me, tiny gob goblin. Your scar is glowing! I smirk a little bit at the tickling ball things.

You smack at the tickling balls. He said tickling balls. It's quite funny. I'll enjoy eating you just like I enjoyed eating. I'd like to see you try, you asshole. You hear this deep rumble again. Do shit myself, but I try and hide the fact that I do that. Okay, there's a horrific shriek. I'm in the crow's nest, eh? And a flash of light. It's gonna take a while to waft its way. Titus, give me a DC fifteen wisdom saving throw. Look at your wisdom saving throw fla um

Yeah, he's not tar targeting sword, he's targeting tires. This one. Ooh, that's four. That sounds like an eighteen to me. You feel After you hear this cry. Something tries to invade your mind. You f you you understand this feeling. For a moment you sympathize with this fear. You're a being of the deep yourself and you understand the trials, tribulations, and in a way a deep-seated hate of the land lovers, the land dwellers. However, you shake off this hatred.

And you're okay. Get out of my head! You're not near me. Get away! Okay, right. Evil thought. The fish, failing to gain control of Titus's mind, I'm fine now, swims towards your ship.

Oh bad. I'm still on this fucker. A wave of thunderous force. emanates out from in front of the ship. A deep cry. That wasn't me! Rocks. It doesn't actually hit sword because you're too far away, but over the deck comes what feels like a weatherfront. A forceful wind, but one that gusts and buffets you hard. Um, give me a constitution saving throw. Kapipi and Titus. 12.

You say constitution. Mm-hmm. Uh eighteen. Pee pee, you succeed. Titus, you fail. But Peeper you take ten damage. Titus you take twenty. Good lord. Jesus Christ. See in this you'd need to take less damage. You think so? Yeah, that's the aim to win. I was trying to Oh right. I see I've just been racking up damage. Oh no no no. Right. Yeah, it's not about that. Less. I took twenty damage big less ideally. You hear a chittering. Huh?

I'm being affested. The sound of claws and feet and hardened legs. Scraping on the hull beneath you. Bloody hell. Over the gunnels of the ship. Begin to crawl several giant crabs. Ah the crabs! I thought that we didn't want the fish. Disappears beneath the surface. It's dark shadow disappearing under the hull. It's out of sight for now. The crabs step out onto the deck. The PP in front of you are three giant crabs. Oh, why are the plans for the other things? They head towards you.

And they decided to try and take a bite out of Keepy's tasty little challenges. Feel like that. That's what you hear. In your mind. They want to eat you, peepee. Pee pee! Mm-hmm. A giant crab nearest to you. Pee-pee. Pee-pee! Mm-hmm. Giant crab tries to take a claw bite out of you. No, please. I've a twelve. Oh Does it hit? I'm across. Yeah.

No, seventeen. Snaps you! Its claw scrapes off of your shell. Shell. You took a bite. Did I take the damage from that? No, actually sorry, I need to do the turn of the other crab. Another crab doesn't do anything.

All the crabs climb up onto the side, that's the turn of that crab. So two crabs had turns there. Pee-pee, now it's your turn. Go. The fish is currently dive below the water, but that's a really good interpretation of what the fish looks like. He's he said that it was off the left side of the ship.

That's the right. You are the ship is pointing the way. But it doesn't fucking matter. You spawn the ship round. The ship has drifted and now you're fighting on the right hand side. However, the cannons are expounded on this side, so you can't be like, Oh we've got a number of salvo. You haven't, let's pretend. Recond. Because of the bad drawing. That's really good. Uh so there's three clippy boys coming.

Now, I'm scared to use this spell ever since I last got created for it. Um can I cast sleep on the side? That's what I want to do. As as a DM I want to scare my players into not using their abilities. Right, first of all, just because this can this can target many creatures at once. Is uh sleep.

It sends creatures into a magical slumber. Mm-hmm. Um You know how this works. Creatures within a twenty foot feet range of me uh are affected in ascending order of their current hit points. I don't know if that was it. Do you want to try and use it?

Yes, please. We're gonna cast it on the one that's just tried to track you? The one on the middle with a mast. Yeah, they're gonna get a crack closer to the cross. Oh shit, it's fine! It's a flying crack! Yeah, the closest one to me but are the others within the twenty foot range as well.

Uh yeah, one of them is. Th sorry, two of them are. So the one right in front of you, the one under the mast, I'll say, are in range of the sleep spell. Okay, so they're both. I'll say Titus, just for ease of purpose, is outside of the range of your sleep spell. Okay, I'm gonna cast it. Uh as his sword up on the top. Do you need to wisdom save this? No. I just roll it, right? So I'm gonna roll it at level four as well, which means I get an extra

Roll an additional two D eight for every slot level above third. Hey, why don't I roll it a third instead? Okay. Don't waste one of your fourth level spell spots for this. These crabs, you can tell, aren't overly meaty. 45. Okay, um how it's hard yes, both the crabs fall asleep. Woohoo! Look at that, they're sleepy boys now. We should cook them and eat.

No? Okay, Kapipi, you managed to put two of the the uh crabs to sleep? Woo-hoo! Great until you know next turn. Until what are you anticipating doing with the sleeping crabs? Well they're just not gonna attack us while they're there. These guys can sort them out. Okay. Right. Anything else you need to do? No. Right, the next crab attacking Titus. Titus he's coming for you. He's coming for that fucking booty. No.

No. I don't want this. He rolls a nine. Does that hit? No. No, it doesn't. It hits at you. Get away. Titus is your go. I ought to find acid arrow your way. Greasy little bugger. I'm gonna acid arrow you with this. It's right on you, and it's a range spell attack, you're gonna be rolling at disadvantage. Oh right, so it's better like. Or like burning hands, I think. I do have burning hands, actually. Yeah, burning hands is Yeah. You're too close! Burning hands instead!

Uh okay I'll cast that one. Let's say do a third level. Oh. And that's five D six. Let's fire that. And we've got sixteen damage. Hey, guess what you're eating tonight? Grill crab. Oh it's cooking well guys! Cooked him up. You smell it? He cooks in his show. Oh boy! That that crab is ready to go. That's that you can eat that crab right now. A bit of butter. But like you you you've incinerated the crab. I've put a bib on.

Okay, right. Is that we're gonna have a mid a mid-battle. Yeah. It's not a little it's it's white with a red like crab on it. Um It's a branded Turtle Bay um like like bib. Yeah. Yeah, it's branded Turtle Bay. He's got his face. I didn't know we were allowed to take those. No, I took it anyway. Okay, yeah, Titus easily dispatches that crab. Um and it slumps down, the giant crab slumps down on the front of the deck. Did I get a bite of it?

Did that increase my health? It's not like picking up a turkey often. You quickly snatch You snatch a leg. Blip blip. You get two HP back. Ridiculous. He's gamified food. I need it. You see down from your crow's nest, Titus quickly incinerate a crab. Right, so we've got a dead crab now and two sleeping crabs. And that's the only threat that's immediately on us. Right now, yeah.

Under submerged. The fish is you can't see the fish right now. It's uh dive down out of the way. Pretty good position. I'm gonna flick back my musket. Mm-hmm. Still looks cool. Uh and use my hands to conjure a flaming sphere. Okay. Which is a five-foot sphere. So I'm like and I throw it down on the crab directly below that's asleep. Okay. Uh that's in front of Kapeepe. I want more of that crab! I'm gonna burn it. So

Anytime a creature ends its turn within five feet of the sphere, it makes a deck saving throw, it is asleep. It's automatically gonna fail. Going to fail. So a creature takes two d6 on its failed save or half on a success. And as a bonus action I can move this sphere as well. Okay. So I'm basically gonna pinball it from this crab to the other crab. So roll your first 2d6.

And then you can roll another 2d6 for the other so you can grab. Nine. Okay. First grab takes nine demis. They've woken up. Burning alive. Okay. Sorry. Bore for the second one. It's really hard to tell if a crab's asleep. They've got very tiny eyes. I think if they're just not moving. I'm not sure. I hope mine was dead. I've eaten it already. What? Had a go. There's still more left. He looks a bit toasty. Yeah. Okay. So the one you initially hit? Uh looks pretty toasted, but it's it's

Oh, he's snapping. I swear her the fuck. How much did you do to the other one? Some of the system. Four damage. Okay. You burnt one of his tiny eyes. The other one is pissed it fell asleep and even more pissed that it woke up being consumed by a fiery orb. Uh the one that is pissed and not so hurt moves out of the orb now. Because you've moved right and it moves towards Kapeep.

And he's like, treat me sleepy. He's pissed at that. He's so pissed at being sleepy. He was so game for this fight. And he meant a cliffy cluffy claw. Five! Roll the five! FUCKING RISER! That's so terrible. The crab's all shit, I will say. Like The crabs were meant to be like a reasonable challenge, but you guys are just like annihilating them. But it's fair. Like, you know, I I looked at

I looked at what it said the challenge rating was in the in the encounter builder and it said the deadly. And I was like, well that'll be enough. Not to three heroes. Not to three heroes. Just for one day. Just for one day. Huh? Uh right, so what? It it misses, yeah, yeah. Right. Ooooooooooooh, you'd hear a familiar sound of a giant fucking fish coming up the surface. Uh-oh. Not that not that one. Not like this. It's dolphins! It's a porp! Oh well.

Where's it breaching from? It's breaching my ass! You kinda need some. It boss up in the same position it disappeared. Back there again. Oh! In your mind, you all hear. You met my friends. You ate one of them! Who said that? I didn't kill the dwarf! Um So a horrific shriek. A bit like what that the dolphin man? You hear a horrific shriek. Oh my god, it's terrifying! And a flash of light as the lure upon the head of this fish. Oh, it has a lure, it doesn't. Flashes. Make a charisma saving throw.

16 for me. What was that my room? Oh god, I definitely fail. I rolled a two. I'm gonna inspiration that one. Good on plus eight, that's good. Eleven, because I rolled a three. Fail. With a minus two, that's three. Sword and go peep, you both take twenty damage. Oh what? No. Is it like brain damage? Not less like psychic damage. Yes, it's brain damage. It's brain damage. Um Yeah, you you feel well the flash of the um lure. Was that twenty? Twenty damage.

You feel the need, the the sudden will or urge to jump over the side and into the mouth of the pig. I'd rather die! But you resist and and in resisting this it causes psychic pain, which is the twenty damage you both take. I'm really lucky I didn't. You'll join me in the deep soon, says the giant fucking fish. I'm losing hope. I don't know what that means. Means I've only got one slot and I'm not sure if I should waste it now or save it for later, I don't know.

Save the celebrations for later, then we'll fill your slots. Jesus Christ. That's real psycho damage to him. I'd never tried something that damages it or something that Calms it. Uh I don't know how much Well you're not gonna talk your way out of this problem. I may suggest doing some fucking damage, Pod. Thanks. Okay. Synaptic static at level five. Oh ho ho I choose you, fish. Uh a creature with an intelligence score of two or lower can't be affected. I assume it's higher than that.

Uh of psychic damage on a failed save, so you need to make uh an int 16 intelligent 16 saving throw. Pist. Oh it fails. Okay, after fail save the target has muddled thoughts for one minute. During that time of it's more muddled. Ooh, I don't know what I want anymore. The dog is my mummy. Oh wait, so I need to um

What? It's muddled. It's confused. It thinks a dog is its mummy. Yes. It understands the concept of a dog. And it's confused about what it is. What's a dog? Wait a minute. Oh, so okay, while it's muddled it takes a D6 And subtracts it away from all of its attack rolls and ability checks. Wow, that's cool. Um but you also need to take uh eight d6 psychic damage on a fail save, which is what you just did.

So let me click on Oh your damage. I can just click it this time. Twenty six damage. Oof nice. 26 damage. But in true, Kipipu gets accidentally fucked by the monsters I choose fashion. This fish has resistance to psychic damage, so it takes ha Don't worry because twenty six to thirteen. Takes thirteen damage. And it's gonna have a uh A nerf to all his roles. It does. That is good. Being muddled is good. And it thinks a dog is its mummy. So idiot. Good job. You don't want to do anything else?

Um yes. So I can bonus action, can't I? Let me do Bardi uh or is it Mantle of Inspiration? What was the good one? Uh The Mantle I think is a better one. Mantle of inspiration. Uh one of my Biotic Inspiration slots, I'll click that. So I grant eight temporary hit points to Us three basically. Ooh. It's up to four creatures of my choosing. Yep, I might as well do hands mandy as well. Temporary though. So he's not in this to it yes. Like really eight. Eight temporary.

Thank you. You're welcome. So you're aware if you wanted to do another volley sorry to cut you off very quickly. If you wanted to do another volley with a cannon, you're gonna have to use your turn to get them to reload. Gotcha. Sorry, what are you saying, PP? Ah, it's just gonna be a turn or an action. It was just gonna be a mini chant to give these guys the health it was going involved in. Okay. Go on, go for it. Do it.

Hey, we got the oh it doesn't matter. No, they're not inspired by that. Sounded like you had something prepared. I didn't, I was it's one of those things where I start. Does the inspiration come to me by then? Yeah. Hey you got this! KP says Guys, just take a minute, collect your thoughts. Not a whole minute, take take a few seconds.

You got this. I believe in you. I believe in us. That crab's not dead. Let's get it! Nice. You all get eight temporary hit points. Add those in now. What? On top of that? Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah. And um Also, Kippi P tells you that he thinks that he may have made the demon fish believe that a dog is its mummy. He thinks a dog is his mummy now. What are you talking about? That sounds insane. It's a bizarre concept. It's a weird scenario. Um, very good.

Anyway, next up. That was a busy six seconds. You go. Titus, you'll go. In front of you you have um a Couple of cramps still. You've also got the fish now there, um, who is thinking about its mum, as you can see in the drawing, if you're watching this. It is, yeah. It's thinking about his dog and whether it's a mum or not. I need to hit it with another lightning bolt. It was good last time. I'm going to strike it once more with the lightning from the skies.

Fiery demon sky devils. As you summon the arcane power, clouds gather above you. Although the lightning emanates from you, it seems that the static energy you're generating is creating almost an overcast effect localized in your area. Was time to hit you with Plus double because it Fox Bugs. Fifty-two again. Fifty-two! Psh! Fifty-two more damage! Close your eyes! It's bright! You're seeing that before. It's too late. Three of you, you're seeing a true hero emerge from this fight.

You've not seen arcane power like this. We're all contributing. We're all contributing. But God is powerful. He's crying. But the the level of arcane power being generated here is is intimidating. A crack, another blinding light as lightning arcs. out from the ship and on towards the target. The fish visibly recoils.

tendrils covering its body, little bits of weird shit that can't, you know, you know what I'm talking about. You see those deep sea fish and you're like, what the fuck is that thing covered in? Yeah? That burns. It needs more than nibbly fish to go on in. Yeah, well small fish are actually gathering around this large fish. Now, like you say, cleaning off little bits that are falling off their uh now's not the time, guys. They're hungry to gather. Yeah, quick there. As this happens. You knock.

the lure from the the head of the fish. It knocks off and blips and skims and disappears beneath the surface as the lure from its head drops away and shrivels. A burnt little stub. A psychic scream emanates from the creature, and you feel the pain in your mind. You just take five damage. Can you feel it? The haunting sound of torpoise fills your mind.

And the dog is my mummy! How much damage? Five, I guess that takes down our temp. Okay, yeah, we still got a little bit of temp. Um tickling our temp! My temp has been tickled. By god I need it. Right, Titus, make a wisdom saving throw. That hairy fucking wrist. Get the wrist out of here. Cover yourself! Look at my wrist. That monkey. My monkey paw. That's uh 19. Well we didn't wisdom wisdom plus four. Once again you feel the vengeful mental tendrils of this giant demon. Get out!

Do you want a dog to be your mummy too? I don't know, you're talking chibberish. Get out of there. The brain is not for you. This is my brain. It recoils. Feeling your apparent intelligence um i it recoils once again. I'll have you one day. You hear. Uh sword, you're going. Somebody mental danger. I'm going to use my action to get the crew to reload the cannons. Okay. Start to feel good! Yes, sir!

You don't understand. You're not actually a doctor! Huh? I don't know if I've ever told you and this may not be the right time, but I'm not actually a doctor. We need to discuss this in detail afterwards. Very good. Cause I am confused! Reload the cannons, crew! Reload! Uh and my bonus action, I'm gonna pinball my flaming sphere back onto the crab.

Nice. Uh the one closest to him. So two D six damage. Uh the one in front of c P P or the one beneath the base of the the other one. The other one? Yeah. Okay. Roll your damage. It's at the end of its turn, technically. Oh okay. Actually no, I'm I'm literally throwing it into it, right? So Let me double check the spell just to be sure, just so I don't get the comments, you know. Yeah, embarrassing.

It's a bonus action. I can move the sphere. If I ran the sphere into a creature, that creature must make a saving throw. Okay. Uh so that's 15 decks, please. Um it fails. Okay, so that's two D six, yeah. Oosh yeah, and then it stops moving, so yeah, it just bounces into and takes the damage. I'll roll that for real, in real life. Real time. Seven points of fire damage on that crab. You kill the target. Oh yeah, is it toasty? Yeah, it's toasty. It's yeah. We're eating good Jeanette boys! Another

Toasty, perfectly cooked as well, crab. The carapace prevents the flesh from inside from burning, but the heat transfers well and cooks the flesh to a rubbery but still palatable texture. It's like tin foiling a chicken. Yeah, it is like tin foiling a chicken. Yeah, exactly. But I'm also so I've had it I want some. Okay, the remainder. Anything else you want to do? But I actually want

Okay, the giant crab remaining, the one Keep P is taking on, temps another pfff that guy. I'm gonna give him a second roll. Finish her off, piss bag. I mean pee-pee. 13. Armor class 17. Boom! Scrapes off and the crabs, the giant crabs, they question it. Well, the last remaining giant crab as it looks around its friends. Fuck, pops off the side of the ship. This piss. Looks all around.

That's a smart crab crab. It yeasts itself into the s into the water and disappears. It's also have you ever like been crabbing and then you put the crab back in the water and it like sinks away quite like. Uh yeah. It disappears. You've been saved to the mm. Toss back. Yeah, especially swimmer crabs. Can't eat them. Or you break all their legs off and then toss them back in. Good luck! Good luck down at the bottom. That'd be horrible. Oh my god. Um Oh, what to do with this man?

Okay, I need each of you to make a dexterity saving throw. I used my inspiration, didn't I? Did this red one? The fish shakes for a moment and closes its mouth. What does mine say? Eight. Um ten. Three! Mine's twenty. Fuck! Succeed! Fail! Fail! The fish! What the fuck? And much like I just did then, it spits everywhere. Um it uh fires its teeth.

At you. So it's almost like a squirtle style water beam, but m amongst that water are jagged long teeth that are three feet long. Okay? These things are like Having a sword fired at you. Alright, not not sword. Having a large blade, a sharp, jaggedy tooth fires at you. Javelin. This Tooth bounces once again off of uh Kapipi's ever-present and very useful shell. It recoils, scrapes, and embeds itself in one of the masts. However, these other javelin-like teeth

Hit both Titus and Sword. You each take Six damage with a scrape. As you are caught in the shoulder, Titus. No, Pika Pippee, sword, you are hit in the thigh. Cut my motherfucking f thigh. Pierce. These are also venomous. Fuck. And you both do constitution saving throws. No, five. Okay. Right, so you um both take two damage. Well and at the end of each of your turns from now on, I want you to make constitution saving throws, otherwise you'll take a D six of damage.

Roger that. I'm gonna ignore this crab suddenly! Peeper, you'll go. Is it helping? No. No. Eating doesn't cure people The the fish is looking hurt. The fish is you know, the th it's lost its lure. That's right. It's now spitting its teeth at you. Um things are starting to look desperate. The crabs have abandoned the fish demon. Not fucking happy. Okay, I'm gonna try and get uh parents involved.

What the fuck's Terrence? You have a present Terence? He's always there. The horned flat rabbit. We always forget about him, but he's always there. Terence is gonna uh release a stinking cloud. We've seen this before. It starts with me pulling his tail. and then pushing on his tongue. Stinking cloud. Stinking cloud drifts across the water. And that's a uh con save of sixteen. Okay. Do you still have the debuff from earlier or not? Yep. You do?

Yep, so what does that mean? I re I I rolled D6 and subtract it from my roll? Mm-hmm. Okay, so con saving throw. God, I'm Plus what is that? Mm. That's well. Huh. Twelve. He rolls a twelve. Okay. So fail. Okay. Uh on a failed save the creature spends its action that turn, retching and reeling. I can't believe my mum's dark more stinky clowns! Ah And he vomits up the corpse of Bongo. Oh, he seems a mashed up, slightly charred and electrocuted looking Bongo. Just

the fish's mouth and then just drifts away on the surface. The beast destroyed him! It was always the beast! I did nothing to kill him! I don't know why you're elaborating so much damage to take it. I don't think it does do. damage. Well stinking cloud doesn't do damage. Oh is it like a stun is it? I think Bongo died of natural causes. The coastal. Looks like he just died of drowning. Yeah just retching and reeling, that's all.

Okay. Yeah, just incapacitates them so to speak. Anything else you want to do, Pippi? Uh yes. I'm gonna spend another Bardock inspiration slot. Yep. Can I do mant mantle again? Or is that what it it should say in the in the thing? It's like it's something like people cannot benefit from this. But doesn't it say something about like a person cannot be benefit from temporar Oh you can, you can use it again.

But you don't get additional temporary hit points. It replaces it. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Each creature can immediately use its reaction to move up to its speed without provoking opportunity of attack as well. That's good. Yep, buzz. Guys. Just take a minute. We've got this. Thanks, buddy. Is that another plus eight? That is on top of what you already. Well a minute is up to. Yeah, it's just. Oh, now an eight temporary hip route. That's good. Take a minute. That's turn rounds.

I think what does that mean? The inspiration thing, what was that before? That means you can roll advantage uh uh at advantage. If you do a bad roll you can roll it again and take the higher roll. I run away. Yeah. Okay, Titus constitution saving throat, start. Oh yes. Shake off that venom. Suck it out. Ooh, 17? You succeed. You succeed and don't take any damage. Do you look a bit better? A little bit. Uh you pull the barb from your shoulder. Uh

Lovely. I'm still pretty fucked. Yeah, yeah, that's a lot. Fuck. Do I do a spell? No, you spend your time relaxing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you can do whatever you like. You'll you have a full Just a display. I'm gonna fuck this guy with a fifth level lightning bolt. Let's cover her eyes, people. Fucker hang at me. I'm building a traumatic bright lights. Over your eyes, people. It's a big one! It came through my hands! It's a 1086er! I can see my bones!

Time for the big boy, cover you fucking eye! Come, come on! I'm rolling the dice! It's 33 plus 33! 63! That's a 66 hit! Jesus Christ! Alright, how do you wanna finish it? Oh shit. This is a killing blow. I want several clouds to form in the skies. And lightning to just roll around under the sky. My God, it's time and then several lightning bolts kind of strike each other and inform this. Giant bolt that strikes from the middle thing and then Right, with s there is such tremendous

electrical force in this strike, everything you're wearing flashes to dust. Your hair totally naked totally naked. Well all of us. No, no, just like it. Because he's channeled so much. power that his clothes just go up like but like in in an instant it's not even it's like a nuclear flash right naked but as you do it his dick flapping in the wind Burns away in the f in the billowing. One last billow. The the cloak flaps into the air before in turning a dust as the wind carries it all away.

The biggest lightning bolt you've ever produced. arcs its way across the the surface of the water and flashes. What happens to the fish? Do you think the fish would Turn the dust. You wanna cook a bit. It needs to explode. Okay. The inside of the fish cooks. Eyes bulge. In an instant. Its eyes bulge. Explode each popping. And then It goes up and it just begins to rain tiny little chunks of fish. You're an initiative. Congratulations. You're bested.

มีอร์ มีอร์ มีอร์ มีอร์ Me off! There's no more. Where's that captain's hat? More like me off. High five, I'm way over here. We're not near each other. No, nowhere near. Sky rains. Sky Five. It rains fish for a few minutes. Before, round a corner, round a c uh a cropping of rock rows a familiar face. Well, is being rowed, of course, by skeletons. Not ridden. He They're rowing the ship. Um

He comes out, aha! And he sees you stood there, I imagine, still panting, still slightly shocked, completely naked, and says, ho ho! Looks like somebody was horny all along. Ready for ready for your reward? Oh dear he says, rubbing his spindly legs. I'm horny. What are you two doing? It's been a couple of minutes. Um I was slide down the crow's nest. We're heroes. Just for this day. And every day forward from here. Contributed a bit more than the others. Without all of us here, we wouldn't

Have made it this far. As a team. You're saying we're a team. You should really put some clothes on. I know. Handsome Andy, give us the bucket. And he takes it off. Uh instantly you're reminded of his mess of a face, his droopy eyes, his patchwork score. We've got to change your name, I keep thinking you're handsome under there.

Yeah. We're still recovering from some poison, so it's not you, it's not you. It's not you, you're fine. Cover your going out of this bug. You did great. You know what answer, Mandy? Yeah. You're beautiful the way you are. Never change. It's not true though. I no anytime I go into port I got a cover mate. That's not handsome at all. Bongo's lifeless.

Gnarled corpse just floating in the water. Fish are you already like pecking at his skin? It's the way you would have wanted to go. That's the mendic. Let's see. Is there any none of the first mate now then? You are the first mate of the book. I will say Bongo had no faith in it.

Not a little bit. If anything, I think he deserved No, I no, I just sorry, I feel that is harsh. That is harsh. Let's fish him out though. This this is they they're getting carried away with him. Well, I think get the net is as a sea burial. Let's just salute. Right. You're right. As he gets nibbled to nothingness.

Little fish are tucking and like yeah, they start to like tug it. Larger larger predatory fish are coming off like tugging at the leg, they're gonna get a leg. It's a leg are coming off. Oh okay, we can look away now. We can look away now. Okay, yes. He realize he's not quite dead yet. Oh god. He's still he's still gonna get it. No, he was just asleep. Bongo. the surface by a particularly hungry shark.

Oh no No, it's not that one blew up, right? Different shark and bongo slipped beneath the waves. We'd like to say peacefully, but it was violent. And it was against his own wishes. I'm mourning whilst eating a bit of the crab. Yeah. Oh god. The crab tastes great. The crab tastes like victories. Would you want some? Shovel hands. I can't eat at a time like this. Fair enough. Bongo used to eat. He used to drink mostly drink. Mostly drink. We've been through the ringer here.

The keeper of the horn clients aboard the ship. Keeper, we're ready for our rewards. Well well, it's been a fun time since we've had such strapping champions. Thank you. Mmm. Um You undead falling on the strange creature. Climb aboard my rowboat. Can you just do it here? No. Yeah. Like we o we're on a much bigger ship. Do it here. What are you doing? I'm just the reward. The reward? What's it money? A bit of money. I'd really I hope it's not.

The horny thing. Come on, you can trust me. Climb aboard the boat. I'll take you to the island. If it's there, you will receive your boon. Okay. Are we gonna get to make wishes for more wishes? I don't know. More wishes. Let's go with him. Let's go with him. Let's go with him. All right. Yeah, let's go. Alright, let's go. Once upon the boat, you are rowed to shore. You uh the boat bumps up against the uh sandy beach floor.

And the skeletons get out and drag you and the boat up so you can step out. I go limp, so I'm dragged up. So they drag the boat up containing you. Umto the hard patch. Sand of this beach. The hornkeeper leads you up the beach, up a small set of stairs. It's really calm here. It is. When the Titans are not summoned to do their work. It is a peaceful place, a coalescing of of wildlife and current.

Bongo would have loved this. I don't know anything about Bongo. Walking away, a lot of seabirds use this as a uh a welcome resting point in a vast ocean. Uh you are taken towards a structure. The French dip from Firehouse Subs is here for a limited time. Piled high with premium roast beef, caramelized onions, and melty cheese on a freshly toasted garlic butter roll. Every French dip is served with warm, savory au jus.

For dipping. This melty French dip is only at Firehouse Subs for a limited time, so head to your nearest Firehouse Subs or order on the app and try the French dip before it's gone. Limited time at Participating Firehouse Subs restaurants while supplies last. Amongst the seemingly haphazardly placed giant ship hulls, the rock Uh there's a few what look like hundreds of year old lean to rags, things like that, dotted around. You come to what could only be described as a chapel of sort. It is a

Uh three pointed chapter. No, there's no there's not three points. What it's actually been made from is two huge ship hulls have been somehow stood up on their end. So that the bowels curve inwards onto each other and that has created sort of the church's root. you walk in through a um an entranceway and into the inside of this chapel. It's got a high, high ceiling where uh the the bows of of of co um bent in woods and created a roof. Uh inside this chapel

is a makeshift altar, it seems. In the center, um thirty feet in front of you, uh there is um a raised uh Well, there's a pile of empty chests for one. So many, many sea chests of all different designs from many eras. You see ancient ones, you see relatively recent ones, bound in wood, metal. But every single chest has been pried open and it's empty, and they've just been thrown seemingly in this chapel to create a large pile.

In the center of this pile is this altar. This altar is more of a stand, a silver floor stand. It stands at about three feet high. It has three legs. At the top of these three legs is a metal circle, which holds a dark blue-green orb about the size of a tangerine. The keeper of the horn gestures for you to step forth.

As you see in front of you, upon this altar, is an orb. Place your hand upon the orb to receive your reward. Who wishes to go first? He wants us to touch his ball. Gonka Pee Pee. You go first. I volunteer. Step forward, brave Tortle. You he he ushers you forward. Amongst the y there's a sort of uh walkway cleared between piles of chests as you step up onto um and you place your hand I just I just I just touch it. Just place your hand upon the orb.

Suddenly, you are transported. A few moments of nothing, and then the sound of water fills your ears. Suddenly your mind is uh somewhere else. Your body feels to be somewhere else. You're suspended in what feels like the deepest, darkest ocean. You cannot tell which way is up, which way is down. The only light around you is that which is faintly illuminating a gigantic figure just off. in the the uh the haze of this deep. This gigantic figure looms in this haze.

and your mind and body is shaken by a booming voice. You hear this voice in your mind, a presence so great it almost hurts to hear. Whilst there is no recognizable sound in reality, you hear and feel a psychic shock so great. that it creates an uncomfortable pressure around you and it shakes um as you float in this great abyss. You hear the words, hello little fish. What is your wish? And who says this?

I am at the hemoth of the deep. I am everything and nothing at all. I am a darkest presence. I am life eternal. I am a circle of all. Circle of Not a triumph. I ask you again. You have been deemed worthy by my keeper. What is your wish? Not quite on the spot. I just What do you want it to be, Tortle? What did your life, your flash, your moment, the brief consciousness you hold?

What is it you wish it to be? I want people to love me. I want them to s sing sticky mickey. Sticky Mickey. It is greatness you sing. Greatness, that's it. Fame. I w I want people to sing my songs and know my songs and be happy with my songs. Do not cry with it, bitch. You've done well today. And you feel a sense of calm come over you. Yes. You do not feel Scared or sad, you feel warm. You feel safe in the knowledge that you'll have a guiding light that

Your whole career lays before you. A path illuminated for you. That's it. You understand now what the people want. You feel the things enter your mind. Great ones. Melodies skip from that to the next. Oh my god. Rhythms. I could do so many different intros than just the one I do. Just the one dumb intro. That's just evolving. Your mind expands.

Oh my god, is it gonna burst out my ears? It feels that way. The pressure builds and builds and builds until the scene drops away from you. And you open your eyes. You're back once again in the chapel. You awake draped uncomfortably over empty chests. What sword and Titus saw was you placed your hand upon the gem a moment of uh stiffness, uh rigidity

And then you just drop to the floor. Well, it was a trick. He's still slowly shit. Well I'm leaving. Alright, see you later. You spend some clothes. As one of the chests digs uncomfortably into your ribs. Oh wait, he's alive! And your eyes awake. Papers! Kippy! Special guy! What happened? I had a moment. Kinda wanna keep it to myself, if you don't mind. Sexy was it? A mist fills the money. Ah horny of course. A mist fills the room all of a sudden.

Fog seems to pour in from the chapel's door. Close the door. It can't be quite. It's actually just an opening. Shut that door. The mist raises and raises and raises up to high heights. Doesn't quite fill the chapel, but it is once again pouring in the floor. Almost like a dry ice effect, you know? Oh the lighting looks brilliant with this fog. It's quite dramatic. Through the fog, steps out a figure. A small goblin! Hey! Sticky Mickey! Ha

Oh no, you you're gonna be huge, I'm gonna make you a star! It's a goblin dressed in quite outrageous clothing. He's got sort of like a a a a golden jacket on, like his he's got like a waistcoat on, which is made with what looks like golden fish scales. Right? And he's got a stick, like a cane, and he's got like a hat, and he's got a little cigar. He's like, hey! What's your name? You need an agent?

Yes, I'd love an agent. I'm your man, I know it all! I'll take you to islands you've never even been to. I know the thousand teeth like the back of my hand. And on the back of his hand he's just got like a map like tattooed on his hand. He's like, yeah, we'll go here first. You're gonna be a star, Sticky. I'm gonna be a star. Yeah, that's right. Who the hell is that? Everything about it. What's your name? Gizmo! Who? Gizmo! Gizmo! Gizmo! Mr. Gizmo, the friends!

We go we gonna be a big one. I'm gonna make it big. I gotta all it out for you and he pulls that little scroll and it's just a series of dates already. Three months from now, you need to get there, but you know. Guys, I think I've got I I think this might be it be fair well. Oh, we can go on your boat if you like, but I got one to spare. Airship.

What? It's got a platform dangling from the bottom as well. It's crazy. I'm a lot happier with that because I can't swim, so I'm always scared of falling in the ocean. Oh. That's cool. Most of you would like to fall into water and not being able to swim is a better situation than falling hundreds of feet to your death from an airship, but I like the way you think, you little idiot. And he dunks you on the head with his cane. Dook dook dook dook doom. I'll I'll come with you. Okay.

This is your dream, this is your ambition. Yeah, just time to kinda get be busy. Are you guys gonna touch the ball or should I just go? Yeah, if we get somewhere like that, I'm touching the hell out of that ball. Yeah, right. I'll just go with you. I'll come to one of your tours. No, we can wait. I got no russ, I'm your manager. You pay me, right? I gotta pay. Sure, maybe we go start. You must have loads of money if the talent in your boots. My my two

best friends here. I just I can I just have a moment with them and then I'll be out with you. Yeah, that's fine. I'll just pull your chin off. Guys, any movie classic goblin humor then I don't wanna tell you exactly what happened to me in there but You should touch the ball. If it's a sexy dream then it's all right. Keep it to yourself. Don't tell us what happened. Oh I'll run up and touch it.

Again, you find yourself You find yourself suddenly submerged in the deepest ocean. Again, you don't know which way is up or down. You are dwarfed by the scale and the Submersion. in this this space. You can breathe, you don't feel you don't really think about it. It's like being in a dream. You know, you don't really think about the fact you're breathing underwater. You just can. Not the

A giant shadow. Okay, there's my case. A hundred times your size. Loom. Yep. Big small. Here we go. It's a big small fantasy. Yes. Good though. You're big as fuck. It shakes and squeezes your body. You feel like a a pressure all around you. Oh yeah. Squeeze me, daddy! You have bested my keeper's bets. And now for my entertainment, I wish to bestow greatness upon you. God is your wit. Gaw God. That really put me on the spot here.

Alright, well Kapipi's got fame and fortune, so he's got that nailed down. I'm a soldier I want a mercenary army. I wanna be the leader of the best army for hire in all of the Gold Tooth Isles. You wish to win great battles. Yeah, I want to be a heroic figure. You wish to wage war? Feared, but also beloved. It's a complicated request.

Some may love you, some may fear you. Get up to you, really. You'll be paid well. You want to be paid? I'm sure you'll be able to charge for the money I'll bestow upon you. This is a horny dream and you float. Start floating towards him and or it rather and uh just as the shape starts to make sense a luminary. hand shoots out, flicks. Fucking flick Your uh your again, you wake up

with painfully digging in uh the you you've fallen down. Full mast. It feels like they should your full mast, sure. Yeah your rock card. It feels like they you knowing that this happens should maybe put some sort of crash mat down, but you awake draped painfully over several chests.

Garn's stand up. That was worth touching the fall. As you stand up, fully mar fully erect, suddenly the chests start to move around you. What? Things start to move. Oh shit. Again, fog fills the door of the chapel as the chests continue to start moving and seemingly knit themselves together. Through the fog, as the movement is happening, comes a tiny little figure. I know those wings. The wings are beating away.

Sir, sir, something's happened to my gems! Dr. Filga, what's wrong? Report! I feel so empowered. Yeah? Yeah Like more so than what I've done to you. I think so. Can I get it if it's a bit closer to you? And the gems on his body have changed from a green to a gold. He's had an upgrade.

Maybe a fresh lick of oil on the wood as well, you know. He's looking shiny. He's got a little gold tooth now as well. Uh yeah, I'm digging there. And his hat just looks so much better. There's something about the hat but you you can tell he's sort of re styled it. And he's like, oh I feel so weird, sir, and more cool And as he does that, an Iron Man style beam emanates from his chest.

And the chests on the ground are struck by this light. And that light seemingly forms the objects into an animated Homunculus of their own. The chest begin to form seven, eight-foot-tall automatons. My army. I think I can do this to a lot of shit, sir! And it's essentially a superpowered anime object spell. Oh shit. So your homunculus has a projector built into it that now essentially any

group of objects, in this case the many, many chests on the floor, can be stitched together to create powerful homunculan soldiers uh that you can use at will. How much power? This uh I mean just here alone he's managed to construct 16 of these like giga metal and wood fighters. And they're like kinda like you know that film with um Hugh Jackman where they're like the boxing robots? Like they're kinda like that. Like eight foot, like they've got chests for fists.

Huh? No, not Chappie. No. It's the one where they're controlling. It's another one. I know what you mean. I like that film though, it was cool. Um yeah, that that you know they they look like they can just do a lot of damage. Like you could probably hack them to pieces with that. I've got so many of them. You've just got so many. You've got an endless wave of of animated soldiers.

There's my lifelong dream. I used to be a soldier and a unit, now I've got my own. Looks like that's some real steel there, sir. Damn straight. And if you can do that to anything, holy crap. Yeah, I think so. Just keep me safe, yeah? Hey, Kapeeps. If you ever make it big, and you need security, well, I got you covered. I cost a fucking fortune though, just so you know. Relaxed money, but the I mean uh well I presume this is the keeper. I presume the gigs.

Th the the money he'll get from his gigs, I'm sure there'll be plenty of money. Rivers of gold. I don't think money's gonna be an op uh an object for me. Wha why's it gonna be otherwise? I think I'm gonna be rich. Well yeah. Alright, yeah, I get ya. I get ya it's an analogy. The title's happening.

Yeah, the keeper of the horn looks to Titus. Um. I looked at my musket quickly. Ah, it's still the fucking same. There's a tiny little bit of gold in the flint now. Nice. That's not gonna work to ignite the powder, but it's now gold. Um there seems to be one more. How do I know these are true? How do I know this is all real? Well, I mean you've seen the goblin agent. Are you in my mind, Fish? I could be. We could all be in your mind. You could have lost the battle.

I mean that that way madness lies both figuratively and literally. So it doesn't really matter. I'm gonna touch the orange. Wait, what is it? Tangerine. It's the size of a tangerine. It certainly is. I'm gonna go touch it. But hurt? Oh yeah, but in a good way. Sexy way. The feeling of the weight of a million tons of water closes it around you for a moment. Oh god. Until once again you are before a behemoth. Wow. You've never been in an ocean this deep, this vast, this dark. Hello.

It stands well, it doesn't. It looms before you a great shape. Oh little fish. Oh my god. You did well? You taught that big fish a lesson. I certainly did. I wish to reward you for. Oh. Oh. Something modest I suppose. Uh I lost my cape. Oh yeah, maybe I can get a new cape or my shoes are a little bit Oh is that it? Oh just get a new billowing cape. I've always been taught not to be greedy. I want to be king. You want to be king? I want to be a king.

He thought not because he wanted to be king. I want to be a king. But on the land! I can do that. On the land, yeah. King of the land. Yes, please, yes. I too shall despect of the land, Walker. You seek all over them, I see that as a worthy Supreme Palette. Who transfer? You'd wishless. Yes, yeah. Oh well I mean I did I thought I was thought we might just get a new cape or something, but that sounds better. 탱매!

Granted. Huh? Woo! You're back in the room as air, as reality itself, sweeps back over you. You don't fall to the ground this time. You drop to a knee. I dropped to one singular knee or and raise up a king.

I'm a king now! No, you're fucking naked. As he turns naked. As he turns from the plinth, naked. Is a penis flapping in the light breeze that fills the free. It's just I mean it's but surely the length is impressive, no? No, it's not big. It's flapping in the wind. Yeah. Come on. Try Billow. Billow. Oh god, that's Yeah, yeah. The penis flicks. Oh my god. I am a king. You have now got a billowing penis. But that's not all. That's the horn. Oh. Horn master. The keeper of the horn.

And he turns, he steps back, and through them fog steps a little page boy. Oh. It looks surprisingly like the the Triton you saw at the base. It's not him, but it it reminds you of him. Finlike. That will be my name. Thank you, sir. You haven't had a name before? I haven't ruined a previous name. Oh no. The funny thing is I can't remember anything before I stepped into this chapel. Enough of this Finlike.

What have we got for me? And on a pillow, he walks up to you and he's got like a very smart little suit, you know, he's got a little he's got real high collar. And on a pillow there's a rolled up scroll. This is for you, my Can you read it to me? Yes. This is a deed. Oh. A deed to a title. Of an island in the thousand teeth? Ooh An island of m great size?

With great production, many serfs, small towns and villages literate, they provide an income for you as king. A castle is being erected as we speak, and you will be able to lord over all those land walk of friends. Ah, yes. I will be a good king. And he bows and bestows the deed upon you. There's a place for you in my lands. Yes? There is always a place for you. Why is he saying it with such gritted teeth? Because now I am king. And therefore I am noble and gritted.

Wow. He's really torn up at the moment. You're welcome. Maybe some guards. If you need to go on, you know, big expeditions or diplomatic precisely. We can be your uh movement guards or something like that. Exactly. I don't know. But we now have a home. Good god. If you made On the Lives to join me, yes. You didn't go for the sea option. I've already kind of got royalty. Oh you got that. I'm a little bit I'm a hybrid.

Gentlemen, the hook keeper of the horn says, with a knowing smile on his face, I believe your ship. Are waiting. What? Oh yeah, you got the edge. It's time for you to leave in your preferred method. Who's gonna take care of the raw dog? Well, I presumed you'd sail it back yourself. Yeah, we we can't. Whatever you may seek. You may seek to cross the Notlantic, you may return to the Thousand Teeth to see.

King Titus's lands. Oh! That I forget one thing, and he reaches down between one of the uh the piles of chess. You've dropped your crown, King. Thank you. And he puts a little The Khark. I kneel. Or my homunculus is kneel. Yeah. Amazing. This is the bit where you say you kneel for no man. You kneel. End of sentence. Ah. Yeah, you're right, King. Sorry, my lord. Thank you. But we should sail the

Let's do one final sail to the sunset. I've got to go over this guy and this airship. No, you should go. I know you should go. But you can come back. And he pokes his head at Again! Man, I can tell you you you don't need to we can go together. He was quite misleading at the beginning, though. I didn't feel like I was misleading I I said I said that we don't you don't have to we don't have to go away. We don't we can follow. Yes, that's fine.

Yeah to stay. I've been like preparing myself for like a goodbye or something. I thought we were gonna have to say I'm either way if I took in more of what the manager said. You were very overwhelmed. I did not have to do that. Your tour starts in it. I've got it. You've got three months until your tour starts. I've got to get writing. You'll get practicing on that ship. Can I come back to your kingdom and write some songs there and test them out on the

And the Can I kill some people in your life? Honestly, I don't know what it's like, you may have to. Yes. Well let's go. Let's go, let's go. No problem. And if you ever get horny again, we'll come back and see me, okay? Oh, we will. Okay. We will. How many times can we- Oh, he's gone. Wow, in like a

Gust of smokes. Yeah. I was wondering if we can just keep doing this until all our wishes are fulfilled indefinitely. We have to keep killing a massive beast. I know, but think of your army, how easy that'll be. We can really game this this horn. In the moment I forgot to wish for more wishes. You should have told us about the deep water thing. Give us some warning next time. Alright, to the raw dog, everyone. Let's go back to the raw dog.

And as you climb aboard the ship. And handsome handy and the crew begin their work to the off. If you're not very good with a bugle, you are fired. Which way, sirs? Back to the thousand teeth, is it? I don't know where that is. You bitted me off. Let's just sail that direction. Oh we'll just go that way, yes. Did it point that way or that? They pointed that way. Oh buddy how do I got my bucket? And that's it.

You sail off into the sunset. Who knows what adventures await you or whether we'll see you again. Maybe we will, maybe we won't. But we hope to see you again, audience, in the next series that we'll be running next year of some form of D, most probably ran by Trotamus.

Yeah. That's me. Uh we hope you've enjoyed this. It was a lot of fun to do. Um yeah, I mean I've enjoyed it. Yeah. It's a great time. Yeah. It's been fun. It's been fun playing with some stupid ideas and uh we hope that the characters and their little stories entertained you and were satisfying. Actually went a bit better than I thought it would. Uh commemorate

booty season one there's a wonderful poster made by Casper who he's done all the art this uh season so go check that out on Fresh. He'll be getting a share of the sales of this poster as well. Of course yeah we'll be sharing the sales with you

some stuff on Patreon now. I've got like a bunch of um images from both stuff Casper's drawn and just stuff like I I put together all the AI art I was using as writing inspiration which I thought could be kind of fun. So we'll put some of that on them. Um in the artwork go to our Patreon as as a Thank you to our patrons as well. Yeah, definitely. We appreciate you don't get much for supporting apart from the show itself. So um thank you very much for that.

Um and yeah, of course if you've not seen the video version of this and you're listening right now, there is uh our YouTube channel. Uh or maybe in season two you can catch us live on twitch.tv slash catfilms. And we'll see you in the new year. See you then. Thank you. It's just tickled its way out of there. Thanks for watching everyone. Goodbye!