Episode 7 - Part 2: The Spider King

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Hi, I'm Michelle Madison. And I, of course, am your John Jacobson, and we are the video game outsiders. Yeah, we've been doing this podcast for over twenty years. And we talk about everything in gaming from PC to console, but we also go off topic a lot. We do. And we're silly. We don't take ourselves seriously. We are. And there's a lot of news. Sometimes gaming news, sometimes news of

Yep, that's right. So if you want to find out more about us, check out VideogameOutsiders.com and listen anywhere podcasts are. Part two of Booty High Seas Low Expectations. It's time to find some lead, guys. Yay! Yay. Can't wait. Yes and let's go. But first I'm so hopeful. I'm sure it'll be fine. What's that in the trees? We've had a little bit of problems with the area up ahead, so I'm gonna send a couple of our boys up.

Just to have a look. We're about to leave the road and make the approach up to uh uh out of the jungle into the foothills. What sort of trouble we talking? We talking bandits? We talking uh poisonous snakes. What we're thinking? Think poisonous snakes, but more legs. They're spiders. Because snakes don't have legs.

Caterpillars. It could be literally anything, really, when you think about it. Caterpillars. Caterpillars. Don't have caterpillars. Caterpillars are friendly. Yeah, gotta be worried about them. I'll come up front with you. I'm uh well versed in the old.

Swinging. What do you mean by swinging? He's a swinger. I'll swing the old sword. Sword. Oh, very good. Well that might come in handy if we can't revanto any of these uh these beasties. Yeah I've done my time. Done a couple tours. Well after about Another hour and a half of this walking continues. I taught some obnoxiously about my wartime. Okay. They're very impressed. They they sound you sound like a dangerous man. Um and one that they

perhaps wouldn't want to cross. And perhaps they're giving you a bit more slack for being an asshole because of that, because they're a little bit scared. So I was slowly plunging and he was like, No, no, please, please, please. But I kept pushing the sword into his chest, you see? And I watched the eyes. Uh fade. The light That's horrific. Believe it. That's horrible. Yeah. I've thankfully never had to kill anyone. Biggest laugh of my life. Really? Yeah. A real life. I'm human.

Some of you. Yeah. Is it a human war you were fighting or Don't think so. I think they were just collateral damage. They were just a villager. Yeah. And you They were talking about they were just about to finish off their mortgage and stuff and I was like, Fuck it now, shut up and I was plunging it plunging it in. They were like energy prices

And I was like, oh my god, well this will do you one, do you a service here? Very good. No more bills for you, sunshine. And then the lights went out in his eyes. Yeah, Samu, keep an eye on this slot, all right. They seem a bit bloody mental. Okay, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop the wagon, stop. This is a good place to stop again. He walks up to the back.

And you're on your ass? Oh, I f I fell. Okay. Do you think you can use your feet again? Yeah. Let's unwrap your feet. So yeah, unties your feet. Alright. Thank you. You're good. Now, and he sort of picks them up and sort of shows them to you like you're a toddler, like look, fate, it'll work it. All good. Yeah, that's good. All good. He like yanks your toes forward and backwards. Everything's working. Yeah, thank you. Thank you.

Up ahead we're going to have Uh uh uh uh we're departing from the road, all right. So uh uh on the road you've got this um like uh you know, you've got this regular jungle road you've been travelling on for some time, hard packs enough w space for two um tra uh lines of transport, you know, they're coming back uh either way. uh this turns off to the left um and it becomes a much smaller uh road. This is like a single lane and it seems to head slightly up a hill.

towards and you can see a breakthrough the trees that there's some foothills that lead to mountains um about uh what looks like probably another half hour to hour away you're gonna be traveling up this uh smaller road. First of all though, I'm gonna send uh a couple of uh our dwarves here uh up up ahead just to scout the first 20 minutes or so. So if you want to take a quick break, I've bought some refreshments.

And so he goes up to one of the goats and you see the other two dwarves heading up with their like axes and things like that. They've got small hand axes. Um it's uh Nathan and Rath. Uh who head up. Uh the Samu, who's the other dwarf that's waiting with you, he looks like he's a wizard. You know, you can tell he's somewhat magical um by the way he holds himself and what he's wearing. Um You want me to join you, lads? Uh we can form a unit. See me in action.

You I I don't think it's wise. I think that perhaps No offense, but they've never fought with you. They don't We want to keep you safe. We Uh uh They they're experienced trackers. They should be all right. And uh Alright, I'll give them a chance then. Well, if they're not back in ten minutes, we'll send you up, all right? Alright, yeah, yeah, yeah. B team, I get it. Okay.

Right, so they head off up there whilst uh Guri um he unpacks uh bits of um kit off of the side of the goat. Uh he's got a couple of fold out chairs for yeah Uh do you do these tours kind of often? Do you just get like people coming with you on the We just like to camp in luxury? That's all. So we always got a bit of kit and sometimes yes we we we charge other people to look after this.

Are we gonna be working through the night?'Cause I'm just aware that like it's taking us a long time to get there and then we're gonna travel back tomorrow maybe. Like when's the actual like mining? Yeah, it's currently about middeck. Yeah, you might have to spend the night here. Uh or indeed at the mine. Uh it looks like it could be that way. Depends how much you want to extract how successful you're gonna be. But there's a very good chance we could be we could be camping up here.

But like I say, don't worry. Uh we've got we've got accommodation for you. No, I know. I just wondered if we're gonna have time to sleep or if we're just gonna have to keep working if we're coming back tomorrow. Have you got somewhere to bed? Oh yeah. What are you looking to buy? Oh this and that, you know. What aren't we looking to buy really? Very good, very good. Oh yes. Well hopefully we'll make you wealthy men with this mining trip, eh?

Yeah. What do you do with your lead once you um once you We send it back home, where it's turned into weapons and mainly ammunition for for dwarven infantry. Yeah, we've got different use for it, but that's by the bye. Very good. Yes, it's uh very rare. Um very rare in the

So uh when we found this mine we immediately got in contact with dwarvener high command and we told them that we could open up a new source of ammunition for them. And they were very happy, very happy indeed. We'll go home and be famous dwarfs. I think he is actually famous. I am actually famous, yeah. Have you heard of me? I'm sticky Mickey. Oh, I haven't heard of you now. Oh right, you will. You will.

Maybe I'll write a song about you one day. Oh, I'd like that very much. What would you write? What would you say about mate? I write uh I write songs of praise, songs of good Yeah. Yeah, uh just uh just nice things about people, you know, praising them and stuff and that. Not negative guy. No negative no negativity in my uh material. Good vibes only. Yeah. Good vibes only, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Very good. Very good. Right, uh gentlemen, if you'd like to take a seat, I'll get you uh the uh various travel rations we've got on us. And he gets in we leans into a saddle pack on the goat. And he gives you all a little meal. Oh, yeah. It's like a little tray that you peel the top off of. Oh nice. And then on on the inside you've got um a little bit of um Unspecified meat. Uh in gravy and then there seems to be chopped potatoes.

Also in gravy. It's all in a gravy. It's a dinner meal. It's it's stewy dinner. It's like a fray bentos. Yeah, yeah. Peeled off. Yeah, so he peels like the metal club off. Yeah, yeah, it's metal. Yeah. It's a tin. Yeah. Yeah. And he's, make sure you keep the metal, it's very valuable. Well uh we don't want to leave it. Is there lead in this? I've heard rumours about that being quite bad.

Sure, nice, thank you. Tin tin tin. Lovely. Iron as well occasionally, but it's expensive. It's all expensive. Right, uh well dig in. He gives you a little wooden spoonie. And it's not bad. It's alright. It's very salty. Um a little bit slimy. But it's potato meat and potatoes.

Um and it's fairly filling and you feel I didn't prepare for this journey at all, so it's quite nice that we got someone that's actually thinking about this sort of thing. Oh I got pockets guns. Ever in the mind there. They're probably going hard at this point, aren't they? Well they might be going hard.

Alright, yeah. Doesn't matter though, you're just a sort of evening treat. We can soften them up with our spit. Uh yeah, we could. Some time passes as you enjoy your meals. Chat with Gurie and and Sammy.

The dwarves haven't returned yet. Um Oh it's probably fine. They probably just got it probably just breaking in the tree a little bit. I don't know. Sometimes it's a fallen tree. It's been too long, hasn't it? It's been about twenty-thirty minutes now. And Guru's starting to get a watch. Starting to get a bit worried and Alright, sword, um you say you're an expert. You think you're an expert? Oh yeah, you ready to draft a BT? Yeah, if you're willing to go up, do you never look?

Um just he head head keep keep to the road, keep to the small road, keep your wits about you. Look in the trees. I will. And then we'll discuss my rate when I get back. Oh head off. Oh. Did he say rate? Rate, yes. Does he charge? I think he said rate. He normally will charge for some of this, yeah. Come on, lads. Oh we can wait. Go on, go on, let's go. Oh wow. I don't know why you got don't have all the fun. You stay here, Gurry.

And uh we'll we'll sort this problem. We'll just scout this out for you. We'll see we'll make sure it's all safe. Grab your two buddies and I five them as they're clearly safe, they're probably they're absolutely fine. Not a problem. There's no harm in me saying that because they will be A-O-K, splendid, absolutely tip top.

bloody find them, shall we? Let's also negativess here. Absolutely fine. And then we'll discuss our rate. Yeah. Everyone's got a right. Maybe discount on previous services at least. Okay, so you head up um this smaller lane. Um as you head up this lane it becomes more and more more wet underfoot. There's big pools of water pooling in either side of the uh the pa the

The lane you head up, there are sort of divots where wagons have been dragged and things like that and uh water's pooling in some of those. Mosquitoes and other insects are buzzing around these pools. The either side of the path there is dense bushes and trees and they are encroaching in on the road. It becomes tighter and tighter as you move up the hill towards uh it's a gentle slope really um up towards uh the direction of where you think Nathan and Rath have gone.

Uh you've been walking for about five, ten minutes. You see signs of areas where they've cut away some of the bushes that were in the way. Um but still no sign of the dwarves. Uh you can see trails on the floor. Um are any of you particularly good at tracking your nature? I will definitely look on the floor for footsteps in the bogs.

Uh any broken twigs underfoot. Give me like a survival track. Here we go, survival. Plus zero. Let's go. It's a fourteen. Fourteen. Okay. Um yeah, you you you see their track? They seem fine. Oh wow, so they're still relatively fresh. I mean the bog is boggy and it doesn't seem to be hardening so it could be hours old.

But we've been here for what, 20 minutes? Yeah. So I reckon no longer than twenty minutes old. Okay. So I might do that. Yeah, you're welcome. I told you I've been doing this a long time. You are professional. Okay, all three of you give me a stealth check. Oh Uh eleven. Eight We have plus four for you. So that's seventeen. But I'm an eight.

Okay. So as you pr progress onwards. Stay quiet. Keep it down. Right, no we are. As you progress up this path, uh the jungle and dense um dense bushes start to thin as the uh the landscape changes from jungle to taller, uh sort of uh m trees with low hanging branches and um draping leaves and and things like that. You know, it's it's changing from a almost too dense to navigate through landscape to a

Still large trees and some leaves and bushes underfoot, but it's starting to clear out a bit. There's a bit more space. Uh up ahead you see sev several very, very large trees that have big limbs reaching all kinds of directions. Their branches are drooping down to touch the floor at points. Um there is

burrows and holes and things all around the floor, their roots are erupting from the ground in a way that creates natural curves in the soil and in the landscape. You think you hear things moving in the trees above you. There is chittering and the occasional quick movement of um

scurrying sounds, things like that. Is it getting quite dark at this point? It is uh what it there's still there's quite a lot of uh the sunlight's still obscured. It's still about one PM. Um but the thick thicker canopy Yeah, you've only been moving for about twenty minutes, twenty five uh up up this pathway. Um and the trail goes cold. Yeah. The dwarven footprints that you were following um just stop.

Uh not necessarily because the soil is harder or anything like that. It's just uh they were walking and then they seem to have just stopped these prints. Uh give me another uh give me a perception check all three of you. Thirteen. Twelve. Fifteen. Okay, pee pee. You see what looks like a silky curtain of um something blowing Quite far up away from you about about fifty feet away from you and about thirty feet up.

You notice that the wind is catching on what looks like a slightly hard to perceive silky curtain that stretches between two of the branches. Where did you think that went? Eagles, maybe? Like a large eagle, big eagles. Yes. Look at that between those couple of branches over there. Is that like some fabric y kind of Is there something blowing in the wind over there? Do you think they developed flight?

Is that a theory that we could entertain as you suddenly just lifted up? Maybe someone cast a levitate spell on them and lifted them up and just flew them away. I just don't really know how else these these would just stop. I've not seen any handprints. They didn't switch to

But you saw you see something up there. What is it? I don't know, I can't really make it out from it. It's like almost like a bit of a walk up or like a rug or a curtain or something. Okay, sword walks past you, heads up towards the curtain. Be careful. Keeping my eyes peeled on the floor. Okay, you're looking down. What are you two doing? Watching him do this? I'm gonna follow behind him like sneakily. I'm gonna watch.

Okay. Good luck. As you two move forward, uh you're looking. Uh you two give me a perception check. That's a whole heap of three. Oh. That's an eighteen plus

One nineteen. Okay. Titus and sword. From above you. Gonna be traps on the floor. Drops large. Well, you you don't see this. But from above you, on long, thick silken ropes, drops large Very large spiders. They wrap you both in their hands. Spiders and Bing shoot right back up again. Capturing you quickly. Bundling you, spinning you and spinning you in their hands as they try to bind you as quickly as possible. Role initiative.

Oh fuck. Kapipi, you weren't caught by them at this point. So you hear the spiders come, you turn just quick enough to see them being dragged up into the air and bound. 16. Plus two. 18 bib. Okay, I got five. A spider. Spider! It has grabbed you, Titus, and as it binds you in its web.

Titus, I want you to make a DC twelve strength check. So you need to roll a D20 and apply any strength bonuses you have to it. That's a natural twenty. Oh as you struggle, you you manage to catch a bit where the um the web is is not quite formed properly and it tears and you drop not too far five feet down onto your feet and you land perfectly. Bloody hell. Uh you manage to break free of the spider's grasp. Uh it as uh as you do this.

It lowers itself back down onto the floor and gets into a position to attack you again. However, It's gonna have to wait till next turn. Oh okay. Nice move. Titus, it's your turn. Lucky. I'm going to do an acid arrow. Yep. I'm going to announce it. Acid arrow! Like a true wizard should. And then fire it towards it, do I need to So uh your spell creates the illusion of a a bow as you fire this arrow of of pure acid. Yeah. Is that three? Oh and Does that roll to hit, is it? Roll ten.

Unfortunately your acid arrow uh does not hit. It uh pings off to the side and uh splashes harmlessly against a tree in the background causes a sssss Bugger. Do you want to do anything else? Move, say anything? I can try and back up away from it. Create space. Create a bit of space. Okay, yeah, yeah. There's now um twenty feet between you and it easily. It's up to you how far you move. When you first landed.

It dropped down to the floor, it's probably about ten feet or less. Right. Um you can move up to thirty feet if you want. If you want to make space. You could even move up to say Kippipi. I'd say twenty feet so I can act instead attack it, yeah. Okay. Okay. So um do you want to move towards Kipi? Yes. Okay. Right. So you're up near K pee pee. Um Sword, you'll go. So um I haven't got a map for this, but essentially

Uh let's try and explain your positioning by quickly drawing on this piece of card. Okay, so this is what we're working with. Kapipi and Titus now stood next to each other. Here is the spider that has grabbed sword. Here's a tree. Here's another tree. Here's two more spiders. And something else you see in the distance. Okay, so this is your loose, your loose positioning, right? So you're in a forest.

Um uh well clearing well underneath the canopy of large trees. Titus and Kapipi are next to each other. Sword has been captured by this at the moment and he's currently being bound up and dragged up into the trees. And then we have the spider that's dropped down. It did fight Titus. Titus was next to it, but he's backed up now over to here. Okay. It's not ideal, but it's the best I can do right now. Okay, sword, you're currently bound.

Um we'll try and struggle out. To DC twelve, um to beat if you wanna try and struggle out of this binding. Yeah. That's a 12 plus which save would you like? Dex or strength? Strength, yeah. 14. Yep. You succeed. You break out of the binding, drop down to the ground. Um fuckers. Nice one. I'm gonna angrily Pump my rod into my musket. Okay, you're loading your musket. Very good. Do you want to do anything else? Um combat roll to the nearest tree.

Okay, so uh that'll be the one to the uh left of Kipi there. So roll upwards the north point there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I roll up to that. Okay.

The spider then again drops down onto the floor. So in front of you guys now you see three spiders at the moment and they are spaced evenly as you can see. You are fighting some spiders. Ah, but what's this? Another spider! A larger spider still. This looks to be a spider king. Spider plus. Spider King. Spider King. Spider King. He drops from the trees with his spider crown.

And he falls down behind them. He's bigger still. They're all like the other spiders are like, you know, they they slightly bow to him, but they're like Here he is, and this spider's even bigger than these other ones, alright? He's beast. He's got big orange and black patterns all over his legs and abdomen. Um and he's got a real chittery mouth. He's going for it.

And they sort of slightly talk to each other a little bit like it's almost like he's giving orders, like creating a battle plan, okay? There is this massive, massive Spider King. Um and he has two heads. Oh my god. He has two heads. Good lord. Okay, this this is double spider. This is like one of those ice creams you can get where it's like two ice creams in one like that. Yeah. Um What bonus.

Yeah, yeah, bonus bonus spider, yeah. And he closes up and heads towards Titus um up to where that dice currently is sat on that map. He doesn't quite close with you yet. Um He's gonna try and Webya. Oh my goodness. Okay, Titus, he's gonna try and hit you with a web. Uh what's your AC, Titus? Twelve. Oh, he just misses you. Ping! Crikey! It doesn't ping in fact it's and this mass of web whibs whistes by um your shoulder. This big splatting thing hits against a tree.

and then just webs a tree. A couple of uh birds that were trying to fly out of the way get caught by it and you just see this parate just like stuck against a tree by this sticky web. Pee-pee, you'll go. So I've got something here from I think it's from Leveling Up called fear. Where I can project a phantasmal image of a creature's worst fear. Do I need to know what that is beforehand or

So I can just use that to kind of try and stick to the colour. Right. For the first time I'm gonna try and use that. Each creature in a 30-foot cone must succeed on a wisdom saving throw or drop whatever it is that Is there holding and become frightened for their duration?

You gonna use that against the giant the Spider King? Yeah, but can mine be a uh a uh like a a very mini like verse with a musical instrument creating a fear in them? So Kapipi just starts playing a song which kind of scares them. Okay. Okay, so it's like I am Spider-King. I do not get easily frightened. On checks to be frightened because he's got two heads and whilst one of his heads is like we should run

Run! The other one's like No, I am the spider king! And then takes the crown from the head on the one that's saying we should run and puts it on the crown of the one that says we shouldn't run. Oh my god. And he resists. your fearful song. Oh lord. The Quran is just scary though, right? You're just making yourself scared at this point. Guys don't listen to this.

It's fear f I'm fearful of the fact that it's not fearful. Do you want to do anything else? Is there any of your abilities that we use as a bonus action? Doesn't look like it. Mantle of inspiration as a bonus action spend one Uh use of Vardic inspiration to grant eight temporary HP up to uh to up to three creatures you can sit so basically uh grant them temporary H good, do it. Okay, so Bardic Inspiration, what do you say to these two to inspire them? Or do? Guys, look at me. Look at me.

We're in a spot of bother here right now. There's some bigger spiders here. A lot bigger than the ones last night at the at the pub. But just keep your heads on your shoulders. Yeah. And we got this in the back, alright? There's a chance we could lose our heads. No no no all right, we got this. Hands in the middle. Do we have a name for our little team? Let's name ourselves right now what's coming to your heads. Duh. Duh. Team Tortle. I don't want that. I don't want Team Tort.

Team team huge dongs. Team huge dongs. Dongs. Team big dongs. Team big dongs. Team big dog. Team big dongs. Okay, you each get eight temporary hit points. All three of you. All three points. Amazing. What a hero. Next up is another giant spider. It is the one that dropped a sword, I believe. Um he's gonna close in and try and attack Pee-Pee. Who's moving into combat range? He's gonna try and bite you. He's gonna try and bite you. He's coming to you! He's trying to bite you! It's a 21! 21!

Does he hit? What's your AC? Oh sorry. Could it be higher than twenty-one? Seventeen. Thank God that's still high. Okay. Um You take nine damage. Oh, do I take that off the temp one first? Or oh wait, I just type it in here, do I? You're also gonna make a Um a DC eleven, so you gotta beat 11. Uh constitution saving throw. Are any of you resistant to poison? Oh god. That was a fifteen. Boom! Lucky you, you don't get poisoned. Woohoo! Wait, what was it he hit me with?

I know I've got nine points of damage, but what was it that caused it? Sorry. Um sorry, you do you take three damage. Uh so it tried to bite you, but they've also they're also poisonous oh they're actually venomous. But you take poison damage. So you take three additional poison damage.

Is that on top of the nine I already just took? Yep. Okay, good. Decan spider moves in. So the one to the bottom of the one with the S on it, that's the other spider, the one that didn't bind anyone. Moves in and tries to attack Titus. Get away from me. Tetus! Bastard. Tetus. Do I roll for this? It's gonna try and bite you. Don't do it. Think twice. Ooh, it may Eight. Eight. It uh damage. Yep. No, eight to hit. Trying to hit you.

What's your AC? Oh 12. Boom, it misses. Savage, you're savage, good way! Right, the spider to the far right of that image is now gonna try and attack Titus as well. With a bite. Mmm, yum yum. Don't you do it as well? Oh, it's another eight. Lucky you, Titus. It misses also. Aren't you just the slippery little fish? I certainly am. Okay, so the spiders, two spiders have moved in now and they're surrounding Titus and Kapipi. Oh wow. Very nice.

Love it. The spiders moved up. Oh great. There's an additional spider as well. Oh the tree. Oh, he's that staying took the top of a tree. Look at that spider king. Okay, so Titus, it's your go. How close are these spiders to each other? Amazing. Pretty close. They're probably only about five feet between them. Oh really? Well they're both coming to attack you at melee range. So they're pretty close up on you. Trying to figure out if uh

My burning hands could get more than one. Yeah, I'm gonna say it could get more. So I'll get the two just to this in that image there, the one to your bottom right and bottom left. Okay, I'm gonna attempt a burning hands. Go for it. Trying to catch these hands, bitch. Six, fifteen, seven throw. You don't have to s don't have to roll anything. They just have to avoid it. Oh okay. Okay, one fails to avoid it.

Ooh, one of them dodges out the way. No problem, but you hit one full force. Nice. Uh what does that hit with? One of these. Roll damage now. Roll of damage, it's a nine. Get take taste my fire. Get cooked. Taste flame. Get cooked. Okay, as you do that, you sm make

Oh, I can smell the burning hairs. You smell the hairs of the uh the little tiny hairs on their legs and things like that just stinging. Hiss off and you hear a cracking as the flesh inside their exoskeletons expand slightly. You see one of their little legs like curl up and stuff like that. It's um

um yeah you hit him pretty well um they hate that uh would you like to do anything else we'd like to move again but the other one's still close to me so I'm gonna just take a s I'm gonna take a few steps back. Okay. Maybe five feet back. Yep that's fine. I'm gonna say because you just blast it in the face you won't provoke an attack of opportunity. Right, okay. Very good. Sword, you'll go. Sword has got his musket ready and he's gonna shoot the already on fire um spider.

Okay, roll the hit. Look at that on screen there. Uh sir Six to hit. Six to hit, unfortunately does not hit. Damn it. You rolled like garbage. Yeah I did, yeah. I just go back behind the tree. Yeah. Got him! You hear another parrot. There's parrots all over the place in here. I don't know why the spiders are eating people. They could be fat on parrots. Um the parrot falls out of the sky. Yeah, I just dug behind the door. Nobody saw that parrot. He was he was a mastermind. Got him.

Uh okay, you duck behind a tree. Um the Spider-King now wishes to have his pound of flesh. He scuttles up to next to uh his His singed compatriots and tries to take a chunk out of kappi. Yum yum, he says, with his crown ajar. Uh no, I'm not tasty, honest. The shell's awful, please. I would like a little taste of turtle. I hear that's what all the humans like to eat.

I'm a total, I'm totally different. Quiet scum! He hits 20. And then he's gonna roll for another one because his second head wants a bite too. That's hungry. Twenty-three! Mmm! Yum yum! Rolling for damage. Ki-pee-pee, tasty little turtle. Nine damage for the first bite. And six for the second. Oh my goodness. You take fourteen damage. Ow! Corblime! Oh puedo! Yes, no, I do like I do like turtle. He says,

I'm a total, you racist! Oh fuck off! Says the Spider King. It's time to debate it. It doesn't do anything else. Kapipi, it's your go. Oh

Well what can you do? I gotta such reckless. Well listeners, Spider King! And I'm gonna do a dissonant whisper, which is I whisper a discordant melody that only one creature of my choice within range can hear. Racking it with terrible pain. The target must make a wisdom saving throw. On a failed save, it takes. Three D six physics. Psychic damage. Psychic damage. Gotta be a fourteen. I must use the reaction defense yeah. It does not it i it fails its check. You do the damage.

Roll 3D6, was it? What's that song you're singing, Turtle? I don't like it. Oh, Spider. Oh, you big spider. You're gonna get it. I hate it! It sounds all right. Baking Spider. Spider Baking Stone. Oh they're all sixes apart from one. Boom. So that's what seventeen seventeen. Nice. Mm yeah. Oh he hates that song. Oh, you're paying. That's really good damage. How did you know that's my least favourite song? I know.

All about your pain. How? I'm still singing it. He knows all about my pain. Try to press the spell slot always. Minions. He gestures to one of his giant spiders who then comes up to try and get you, Kapeepee, again. You're gonna get me. So I have to bite you! Oh shit, I've way too much. Rolls a nineteen. Yeah. You take nine damage. Wow. Jesus. God blind me!

He really is the punching bag spirit. Oh, I like turtle too. Oh, we're all gonna have turtle for dinner. One of the spiders then says to his mates, they're all like excitedly moving their legs around. Good thing I ate recently. Yum yam. Another spider.

goes for sword, the one to the top of the tree. He sees him, scuttles up towards the tree to try and interrupt him, get behind him. Reaches around and tries again. No, stop it. And he goes for the bite. He sees the opportunity and he's not. Behind a tree do I get any bonus to A C. What's half cover give you? I two AC, one AC. Is this a deal? It's up to you. I I don't ever use a time to get a couple of things. You don't have two. Yeah, two. You can get a bonus of two AC. I've rolled a hit.

And it's a 20, so 18. That absolutely hits. Still hits, right? Okay, okay. Right. He r uh gonna do damage now? Four. I need to roll the poison as well. Take three additional damage on top of that. So seven tail. Wow! If it wasn't for that inspirational moment of morale boosting, that would have fucked me hard. Yum yum yum, I'm gonna have hopgoblin, says the spider, scrambling around the tree trying to get to you. ¡Suscríbete al canal!

with a musket. No! Hit me, Spider! Says the spider. Right, another giant spider, the one that's covered in flame, tries to get at Titus. Tries to hit him with a web shot. Jesus. Flings his web. That's a 21 to hit. Jesus. You need to do a DC-12 strength check.

If you beat 12 you can burst out of the web otherwise you've been restrained. So roll a d20 and then uh add your strength. Oh that takes you. The web hits you, encapsulates your body and knocks you off your feet backwards. No, you're not gonna be able to do it. You're bundled up. I hate being t t bound when I'm not consenting. Okay, Titus, it's now your go. Um you can try and escape once again, another DC-12, another another roll. Oh, what's that? Four. You remain bound.

And that is unfortunately your go. You can uh say something if you want through a muffled webbing. You're a piece of shit. Okay he'll he voices his his his disin his unimpressedness. Sword, your go. Alright, um this time I'm probably gonna do something a bit different than the musket. I don't think that's working out for me at the moment, so I'm gonna dart out the tree. And swipe with my Morning Star, not my sword. And Green Flame blade it as well. Wow, okay.

So what this does is I brandish the weapon used in the spellcasting and make a melee attack against one creature. It's gonna be this spider next to Kapeepi here. Yep. And uh on a hit the target suffers a weapons attack normal fest and I cause green fire to leap from the target to a different creature. Creature. Nice. So um the second spider down below. And then they take fire damage. So let's see if I hit first, first of all. Um so here we go. I'm just gonna roll my D twenty AC's fourteen.

Uh that's sixteen. Boom, you hit. So my damage on that is Oh ten. Very good. Points and then the fire damage just double check how much that is. One D eight as well. Nice. That leaps to the next person. So the next one down. Yeah, so that's seven points of Green flame blade damage to the one below. It's like a gust of flame comes out the sword and blasts the one behind. Good hits. Finally, somebody's doing some damage.

Don't you do it, boys? Okay, right there. The spiders uh D I tell you, I've done wartime! Yeah, you keep telling us. Okay. Did you do any medic stuff on messing? Oh no. Actually I did. I I can actually do that. Next time. Oh really? Oh nice. I'll help you next time. Please do. Okay, the s it's the spider king. Do you wanna move at all? You you you good? Uh I'm just gonna duck behind the tree again. Okay. Next up is the spider king. Ooh!

I think we should get in there and finish off that turtle. Whatcha think? Yeah, that's a good idea, me. Yeah, very good. Yeah. Gonna eye over the crown for a bit. Yeah, go on then and they swaps the crown over to his other head. And he moves hungrily towards Kapipi. But as he moves from above, drops two dwarfs. Nathan and Raf have finally cut their way from their bindings and hold on boys they drop from the ceiling and they land.

They land both on the backs of the necks of the Spider King and they start grappling with him and wrestling with him and And they basically start stabbing in at the neck of the Spider King and they're like, Come on then, you big old spider beastie, we've got you now. And they're all fucking around with it. And uh that basically takes up the Spider King's turn and deals a bit of damage to him. Um as the Spider King

reels off to the side shaking and trying to get these two dwarves that are now attached to his heads off of him. The peepees you're going. Okay, can I then pile on with my bayonets and do my uh drumstick attack? Uh yeah, onto the onto the Spider King. If they're taking them down and they're on top of him.

Is that an opportunity for me to jump on and just help him? He's kind of like he's he's he's he's sort of wildly reeling about at the moment, and he's it'd be difficult for you to close with him without exposing yourself to attack of opportunity. What I would say is you could try and take on the one that Titus has hit with his wall of flame. That could be a Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'll do it to him then. Okay.

That's uh six plus five is eleven. Eleven doesn't hit unfortunately. Oh, I missed. Stay still! You just another wife the air. But can I do the Bardic inspiration then? As a bonus action, yeah, you can give that to someone else. So who's about to go next? Uh next would be Titus. Give him a because this is just for one creature. This is one D8.

But you can add to anybody. Yeah. So you gotta say something to him like you know, like come on Titus, this isn't the first time you've fought your way out of a sack. Or like you know, something like that, like Come on Titus, this isn't the first time you thought you were still fat of a sack. You're trying to give it a sec. Come on, do you stick it again? Come on, Titus, stop messing about. Just force your way out. You don't keep coming at me.

So you have Bardic inspiration. How long does that last? Is it just for one So for ten minutes you can add one D eight to what? Any ability check. Any ability check. Not like to hit or anything like that then. Oh so I don't have to roll. What does it say specifically? Ability, attack, roll, or save and throw. Wow. Okay, so you've got one D eight extra Ross. So you know when you roll a D twenty, you've got an extra one D eight potential that you can add to that value. Basically makes you really

Good. Um what so what am I what's my situation right now? I'm still still. At the moment you're still bound. When it comes around to your turn, I'll give you the chance to escape. You can add the one D eight to that, and then I'll give you the chance to do something else, which you can also usually add your one D eight to. It's really good. It's really good.

That's it. You're welcome. Huh? You do one D eight and that's it. Oh that's it. Oh I see. Sorry, that's why I asked how long it lasts.'Cause I was like for ten minutes you can just add one D eight. In ten minutes he can use that one D eight. Oh okay, okay, cool. Can he choose to do it after he's seen the roll? No. Um let's say you can. Yeah, fuck it. Right, um good job K Pee Phoe Giant Spider. Yeah, this can be added after seeing the role, but before knowing the outcome.

Okay, okay, cool. Okay, here we go. Titan uh no, giant spider, the one near Kapeepee, is gonna once again try and attack Kapeepee. For God's sake. Shoo! It rolled a natural one! It does shoe. Shoe. It sees it and goes, meh. We he didn't think about this. He didn't think about the fact that maybe somebody could try and shoe it away. And it doesn't like that. It's not used to it. Shoe. No wait, it's ridiculous. No, I'm still gonna come for you. And uh

And uh yeah, it misses you. Um no problem. It it comes back and reassesses its problems. The uh spider number one, as it's been labelled here, also tries to attack Kapipee. No You're on the front line, this is what happens. Um it rolls a sixteen. Does I'm seventeen. It bounces off your shell, it tries to bite you once again. I want turtle for dinner! It says trying to bite into you, but it gets your shell, even takes a little bit of the poop from earlier.

What was that? Sounds like tastes like somebody tried to clean it but didn't quite succeed. It shoots. Oh no Um The spider up near sword once again maneuvers itself. It moves around the tree this time, the back of the tree, uh so to the left of the tree, and it tries to push you out into the group. Um Sword, it's trying to fight you now. Alright. Uh it tries to it tries to bite you. It's uh 19. Yeah, that beats a thirteen. Oh yeah, you're in

Not a fighter character. Uh does ten damage. Oh Christ. Jesus get hit. Mmm, yum yum. Ow, I say. Um response to that. Five damage page. Oh my goodness. I'm being kind to you as well. I'm not saying that you've become poisoned because that would mean you'd get a disadvantage on all of your chests. It's the quick zing. It's more of a sting. It's a poison. Yeah, yeah.

It's not spreading. Bit of a swelling point where it bit you there. Now we. Mmm. Yum, yum. Titus, you're go. Could have been worse. Roll a D20. Gotta be a 12. Come on. 12. Or higher, say. You might need to roll that D8. You can roll the D eight if you get high enough. Oh no, I thought that was an eight. What is it? Nine. And he's the inspiration. I can do it! You struggle with all your might against it. You struggle! No, I'm not strong, I'm weak. Damn it.

I feel terrible for you, bro. Yeah, I mean you just haven't heard 12, baby. Are you still gonna tank? Or a disadvantage, right? Rolls have a disadvantage. Yeah, yeah. So you've managed to Wrangle an arm free. So you've kind of got like both your arms out now. They're stuck out, but you're sort of it's like you're in a sleeping bag, a very tight sleeping bag. Um and you've got both your hands out. Um would you like to try an attack? Basically I'm looking at tidal wave.

It's like a thirty foot column of ten feet wide. Damn. So that would fucking four D eight bludgeoning damage. It would rinse. And then everything's not prone. That's pretty cool. Yeah. I don't know. Well um I will say that if you want to make it avoid it. So essentially at the moment the Spider King is all over the place. He's chittering left and right, rolling it as a like he's basically desperately trying to get these dwarves off of him. So depending on when you time it.

You could time it in a way that you could hit the two spiders in front of you and not hit the spider king. Or you can choose to time it to hit the spider king and also hit the dwarves. It's up to you. So I'll I'll roll two two saving throws. So which is it? Dexterity? Dex 15, yeah. You just conjure it and they have to survive it. Bring up the waves. Okay, they both fail their rolls. But now you roll four D eight. That's four of these diamonds. Okay, tidal wave.

Oh so describe it, what happens? Uh d a a giant wave out of nowhere comes from the woods and just starts rising above them up to thirty feet high and splashes down with the the might of the oceans. What the fuck? by the season. And they're just like, this isn't fair. Crushes. Take the wave, bitch. One of the spiders is instantly crushed by the weight of the water. As as the um Would that be the one that was

Previously set on fire. Yes. Yeah, yeah. That is squashed. It's crushed by the weight of the waves. Its legs pop off. My goodness. It's body its back concaves and the inside of its abdomen blurts out of its mouth. It's crushed by the weight of the wave and it's dead. You've killed you've killed the cross one.

The other one gets blasted by the side of it. It blows off two of its legs and it gets pinned against a tree as the weight of the water pushes and pushes and pushes. It's so almost dead, but it's just about still alive. And it looks at you and it It's like to kill the wet wizard now. But that's both regular spiders. Both regular spiders. So the number spider number one now is the other one that got hit by the water. And is dead as well.

He's he's nearly dead. Spider number one is very, very injured. Good spell, Titus. Still stuck in that sleeping bag though. So we'll go. Sword is going to combat roll Tatus Hitus, sorry. Titus. Titus. I don't want to do a bonus action, but don't think there's anything I can do to speed myself up. So what I'm gonna do is throw a whip at Titus and try and snap off the restraints. Okay, roll to hit. Yep. They see a 10. What was that? Five? Seven total.

Okay, y y you get you get clipped by you get clipped by irritated, I've been just gonna wave! I've seen others do this and it it really didn't work. You just whip me! You just whip me while I'm already down. Sorry. I'm I'm attacked to a dead spider. This is weird for me. What can I say? It's a weird situation for me, and you're whipping me? Come on, bro.

Uh and yeah, because that was a whole action I can't cure K Pee P. I'm like, oh I'm on it, mate! I'm thinking about it. Really? Really Mr. Rankiness. You just whip me and you're injured Okay. Spider King, Spider King Spider King, King, Spider King get stabbed in the neck, stabbed in the head, stabbed in the mouth by these two dwarves. Shakes the dwarves off, he throws them to a bush. They get stuck in a tree and in a bush. They're upside down, stuck in a bush. It's hilarious. They're dwarfs.

Spider King, seeing that he's dispatched the dwarves. They're all they're pretty messed up. Oh my god. They're still moving, making some noise, but he's managed to shake them to a point where, you know you shake a baby enough. You know what I mean? He's thrown them all to a bush. And he's angry and he sees you trying to help your wizard and he runs at you, sword, and he tries

Bite you because that's what they like to do. The hungry spiders coming to bite you. He rolls a fifteen. Yeah, that beats the He's a hungry boy. He bites with both. He does nine damage. Give me a DC11 constitution check. Didn't ask you for that last time. Oh no, okay, I guess it is the king. Yeah. 15. Oh you beat it, nice. Okay. You just take nine damage. Just a just a nice nine. Just a nice healthy nine with no repercussions. Ooh, Hobgoblin, he's nice. Did you stop there?

Stop it. Why don't you whip me again? Why don't you whip me again? He's eating you. Empty. Um The Spider King's had his way. It's now Kapee P's turn. Okay, so who's right in front of me here? Looks like the Spider King. The Spider King's right next to me right next to me. There's another one next to me there.

But don't forget you were thinking about using cure wounds which is an action. Yeah, I n I I was thinking about that. Yeah. However, I don't know if I can use it on myself. Yes you can. You can. Mm-hmm. Hmm, do I do I use that or do I take a risk to uh an attack? I've got uh blindless blindness and deafness. Right. That's not gonna help you in a fight. No, I'm kidding.

Isn't it? You can blind or deafen a foe. Choose one creature that you see within range to make a constitution saving throw. If it fails, the target is either blinded or deafened by my choice. Your choice, right. for the duration. At the end of each uh of its turns, the target can make a constitution saving throw on the success spell in. What are you trying what are you targeting? At a higher level, when you cast a spell using spell slot of third level or which you don't have, don't worry.

Oh it is third level. I do, it is third level. Uh you can target one additional creature for every slot above second level. So this would be target these two. The Spider King uh has advantage on saving throws against being blinded, charmed, deafened, frightened, and stunned. Wow because he's got two heads.

This was the reason. This is why you know it. I wouldn't normally just read that out to you, but I want to make it clear because I don't want you to make a bad decision. Okay. It's up to you whether you do it, but he does he is resistant to it because he's got two heads. But it just means he rolls twice, right? Well no it means yeah, he has a greater chance to succeed against the the effect.

It still might work. I'm feeling lucky. Okay. So I'm gonna choose the two spiders. I can choose two, right? Two creatures, yeah. The two close ones there, the ones that you see. Spider King and the spider to the the one, the very, very hurt spider. Yeah. Come on, that was weak! Look at that one.

The one limping's got a walking stick! It does have a walking stick. Where did that spider get a walking stick? Just for one of its. Okay, right, what do you do? What do I have to roll? You have to roll a. Ooh, Spider King fails his chest. Oh, there you go. What's happened to him? So blind or deafened? So I'm gonna make him blind. So what I do is I get um this uh I've got one of my instruments.

Doesn't matter which one, but it's got a shiny bit on it and I reflect the sun from the canopy of the trees. Into the into their eyes, burn their eyes, and then burn his eyes as well. The two spiders. Kitty just starts patting his eyes, it's just like, has my crown slipped? What's happened? And uh so he

So he now so the creature is now blinded, which means that they can't see and automatically fail any check that requires sight. Attack rolls against this creature have advantage and the creature's attack roles have disadvantage. So you're in a good position. Nice job. And you'd like to target the other very hurt spider. I will just quickly roll the other spider. Con what was this con fourteen?

It fails, it's also blind. I walk up to it with my drumsticks and stab him in the eyes. Can you do that? No, I don't know. No, not yet. Nice job, sticky mickey. Do you wanna move at all? Uh yeah,'cause I'm quite in a can you show me the full map here? Where are we up to? Uh can I just try and move up uh a little bit more north just out of the way of whatever. Yep, northeast, because they're blind, no attacks of opportunity. The other side of that tree.

Uh. Okay, so you want to add northwest, do you on that map? Uh north just north. Okay. Oh yeah, slightly northwest, okay. Yeah, it's more clear. Okay. Stick of taking a beating for the team, Kapipi moves behind the front line. Wise. Next up.

Is is the giant spider next to the tree. It attacks Kapipi. Oh for God's sake. Why? Uh they've got a taste baton. And it's a 22 to hit. Yeah, yeah. He rolls the damage, you take eleven damage. Give me a DC eleven constitution save. Well three. Eighteen plus three. Whoa, you save. You just take eleven damage though. Still take eleven damage shuttles just to make sure I don't hold it. Do you have any life? Can you see our health? Does chat want to know what it is or do we not tell them? It's bad.

It's not good as bad. So PP's looking almost as bad as the spider that was hit by the tidal wave. Oh Okay, the giant spider's just like yum yum, thank you for coming closer, turtle. I can't wait to finish you off. This is ridiculous. Why is this happening? I just moved closer to mess you up, mate. Oh, that's fighting talk, little turtle. You wait till it's my turn.

What's gonna happen? What are you gonna do, Kipipi? I would meet you right now, it's not my gun. The one health spider moves up towards Titus, but because it's blind, it trips over its dead compatriot. And falls face first into the ground. It's now next to you, Titus, in your little sleeping bag. Your turn. DC twelve strength check to get out of this. Uh bloody sleeping bag.

High rolls. High rolls. See that uh finally. You burst out! Resplendent! Fu! Finally! Jesus! In front of you you see the very hurt spider that's falling over in his fucking face. To your right you see the spider king also blindly poring at its useless eyes, which it has many and they're all shit. Oh my god. What do you do? So we're gonna burning hands. Let's get these hot hands ready. So you gotta come on.

DC fifteen fifty, fifteen, yeah. And they're gonna be at disadvantage because they're both blind. They are both blind. It's walking on the corpse of the other spider. I'm stood in its mush. Uh they fail. They both failed. So full five d6 damage then. Prepare your nostrils for singed health. It's happening. Twenty one. Twenty-one damage. 21 damage each. Twenty-one! Very, very good. Blackjack! The Spider King and his blinded

stumpy compatriot who's fallen on the floor is engulfed in a gout of flame as you incinerate both of them. Absolutely devastating blast. You hear GAH LIKE! Everything's The floor beneath the spiders is singed. Luckily it's very damp still, so nothing really catches fire. Leaves of some of the branches leaning down uh burn away.

And um as the gout of fire subsides there are just a couple of pools of ash piles of ash left a stinky, stinky spider ash. With that the the the remaining spider sees its king laid to waste. Its friends destroyed, and its skitters. No taste of turtle flesh is worth such horrible end. I will return one day, turtle. Mark my words

Oh that scutters off. You bastard, get back here! It scutters off. You can get an attack of opportunity if you wanna try and hit it with some. So I'm gonna try and hit it. You all three of you can take a hit as it tries to run. I'm gonna try and hit it. With a specific spell or probably uh melee, you can't do it with a spell.

Well, Smith is giving you the Okay, well I mean I'll hit it with my call stuff. Just take some of this, you bastard. You're gonna try to hit it with your core so you're nowhere near it. It's gotta be a range attack. Firebolt, range attack. Well, depends.

I have a fireball as at will. Yeah, you get another tack. Yeah, cause yeah, essentially'cause you already have. In twenty foot range of that one. Hit it. Right, you're gonna hit it with your musket sword? 17. It's morning star. With the morning star? Yeah, okay, you're near enough. You're the closest one. Oh shit. Um yeah, you hit. Eight points of morning start damage. Oh fuck! I'm trying to run away! Oh spider tastes nice! Stop it! I see what you're doing.

Uh uh. Can I just fire a five or do I have to roll? Yeah, yeah sure, roll roll to hit. That's a four. You miss. Five. It wasn't eleven, is that not enough? Well no, the AC's fourteen. Yeah, no. Pee P P, damn it! Can I do a sharpened drum stick attack?

You can try and throw one if you want to. At the risk of losing it. If you roll under a five you roll you lose the stick as you throw it into the underbrush. Come on. He's a gambling man. D twenty, right? Yeah. It's only twenty five percent chance of a loss. 18. Oh you hit plus five yeah lovely straight in the back of the head you you Your stick wedges in the back of the spider. You need to know the damage. It dies instantly. Slumps dead.

Where it stood. The last thing it said was um well after he he responded to Sword's taunt of oh can't wait to eat spider. He's like, oh very fine. Nice. That's the last thing it says. That's the last thing it thinks. As Kapipe's sharpened drumstick. skewers it through the back of the head, instantly killing it as it collapses into the ground. Lovely. You're out of initiative. And two the dwarf.

are gathering themselves as they come out of the bush where they were thrown by the Spider King. Gore, bloody hell guys, good fight. That was a really good showing. Oh, I thought we were gone for sure. I thought we were spider food. What UCU, eh? Oh you proved us you proved us wrong there. I'll I'll put my hands up, my small tiny little hands, I'll put'em well the big but the short arms. I'll put'em up. Or it happens in wartime.

Days in wartime. We're at war with the spiders then. It's war then. Essentially, well I mean we've taken out a few of them. Do you want to take it to where they where they live? Uh we've kind of got three. Let's done it all down. Yeah, I'd love to do that. But we've got lead we need to I mean that's actually worked quite a lot for us. Oh yeah, no, I did I got sidetracked. The guys are pretty worried sick. They are, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, you're not going to be able to do it We'll tell him you fought valiantly, we stood side by side. We got ambush we got ambushed. Also make sure you tell him how good we were. Who knows? I don't even know. That's an amazing ability. You wizards are incredible. It's really amazing.

Let's return to the wagons then. I mean, uh well this is a mess, isn't it? But looks looks all right. I think we've scared most of the spiders off enough water and fire it'll do that. They hate. Oh, a couple of the old tinny meals. I love a couple of tinny. Covered in gravy. Very good, very good. Alright. Then you head back to camp.

This is where we'll stop, I think, for today. It's been a bumper session. Thank you for watching part two of session seven of booty high seas low expectations. Uh next- We will be uh continuing on to the mine and you guys might actually do some mining upon. Labor! Yeah! Yeah. I just wanted to do the mining. Yeah. Absolutely. Uh we hope you've been enjoying this. uh role play stream or been listening in podcast form. Or have been watching it in an edited form.

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