Sam and Joe discuss this quote: Behind the sometimes seemingly random or even chaotic succession of events in our lives as well as in the world lies concealed the unfolding of a higher order and purpose. This is beautifully expressed in the Zen saying "The snow falls, each flake in its appropriate place." We can never understand this higher order through thinking about it because whatever we think about is content; whereas, the higher order emanates from the formless realm of consciousness, from...
Jun 30, 2025•1 hr•Season 4Ep. 13
Sam and Joe answer listener Lou's question which is: "How do you talk about mental health or neurodiversity with people who don’t get it?" Image: Noah Buscher
Jun 16, 2025•1 hr 10 min•Season 4Ep. 12
Sam and Joe take on listener Liv’s topic about reaction, reactivity and being “triggered”. This leads to personal reflections on responses to geopolitical events and other things in life that lead them to react strongly. Some big world problems get a thorough going over and some interpersonal beefs get ironed out. Image: Johannes Plenio
Jun 02, 2025•1 hr 23 min•Season 4Ep. 11
Sam and Joe reunite to tackle Verse Two of the Tao Te Ching: Everybody on earth knowing that beauty is beautiful makes ugliness. Everybody knowing that goodness is good makes wickedness. For being and nonbeing arise together; hard and easy complete each other; long and short shape each other; note and voice make the music together; before and after follow each other. That’s why the wise soul does without doing, teaches without talking. The things of this world exist, they are; you can’t refuse t...
May 17, 2025•1 hr 3 min•Season 4Ep. 10
Sam and Joe discuss Verse One of the Tao Te Ching and how it relates to their own experience of reality. TAO called TAO is not TAO. Names can name no lasting name. Nameless: the origin of heaven and earth. Naming: the mother of ten thousand things. Empty of desire, perceive mystery. Filled with desire, perceive manifestations. These have the same source, but different names. Call them both deep- Deep and deep again deep: The gateway to all mystery. 76 translations of Chapter 1 - https://www.taoi...
Apr 06, 2025•54 min•Season 4Ep. 9
Sam and Joe discuss the poem Desiderata and how it relates to their experience of life on earth. Desiderata Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others,...
Jan 12, 2025•1 hr 9 min•Season 4Ep. 8
Sam and Joe are back after a long break with a juicy quote from their old friend Carl Jung. Myths, archetypes, figures of light, dark caves with dragons and treasure, it's a wild ride. Enjoy!
Nov 15, 2024•43 min•Season 4Ep. 7
What we take to be a self is tentative, fictitious, constructed by clinging, a temporary identification with some parts of experience. Self arises, solidifying itself, like ice floating in water. Ice is actually made of the same substance as water. Identification and clinging harden the water into ice. In a similar way, we sense ourself as separate. Jack Kornfield - The Wise Heart This realization that the separate self is an illusion must be one of the most useful things I've ever learned. I sp...
May 25, 2024•4 min
The root of this physical urge is a spiritual one. The longing for an end to duality, a return to the state of wholeness. Sexual union is the closest you can get to this state on the physical level. This is why it is the most deeply satisfying experience the physical realm can offer. But sexual union is no more than a fleeting glimpse of wholeness, an instant of bliss. As long as it is unconsciously sought as a means of salvation, you are seeking the end of duality. On the level of form where it...
May 25, 2024•6 min
“I have really found when I look around that the romantic love I see is this ideal, the anima . The anima is the ideal that you carry within yourself that you put onto the different entities out there and you unite with that. Pretty soon you see through the projection. And then what happens?” Transcript: That's Joseph Campbell from an interview he did. I won’t pretend to be an expert on what the anima is but I took note of this because it resonated with me. I can see that I've done this througho...
May 25, 2024•3 min
To be a loving person is to wrestle with a profoundly improbable idea: that however modest our position in society might be, however much we may have been maltreated in the past, however mesmerised we are by the deplorable behaviour of powerful individuals, however shy and frail we are, we are constantly capable of causing other people significant hurt. Alain de Botton in A More Loving World: How to increase compassion, kindness and joy Creators & Guests Joe Loh - Host This is the second of ...
May 25, 2024•3 min
All that is necessary then is to rest undistractedly in the immediate present, in this very instant in time. And if we become drawn away by thoughts, by longings, by hopes and fears, again and again we can return to this present moment. We are here. We are carried off as if by the wind, and as if by the wind, we are brought back. When one thought has ended and another has not begun, we can rest in that space. We train in returning to the unchanging heart of this very moment. All compassion and a...
May 25, 2024•4 min
Romantic Realities: Deconstructing the Romantic Love Myth We dive into the misconceptions of romantic love prevalent in Western culture, drawing on a quote from You Are the One You've Been Waiting For: Applying Internal Family Systems to Intimate Relationships, by Richard Swartz. Get the book from Internal Family Systems Institute at https://ifs-institute.com/you-are-one-youve-been-waiting Sam mentions Let's Get Vulnerable: Relationship and Dating Advice podcast with Dr Morgan, yet again, but ac...
May 17, 2024•1 hr 2 min•Season 4Ep. 6
Listeners are producers. Thank you for getting the show out. I reflect on my own podcast listening: helpful with insomnia, and a lifeline during tough times. Write me here Reading a wide range of listener notes, I respond and explore personal themes: vulnerability thoughts on how to engage usefully with attachment theory, to go looking for the things we don't want to say the two breakdown eps from Joe and Ali voyeurism: when is it okay to listen to people spilling about intense experiences I say...
May 09, 2024•50 min•Season 4Ep. 5
Thinking back on favourite films, it becomes clear what they say about us. Cinema, the Psyche, unveiling Inner Heroes It's always therapy and psychoanalysis around here, movies are the vehicle. Favourite films reflect deep psychological themes and evolving personal identities. What we once found aspirational in a character, we might later rethink, or realise it was not the healthiest hero to have. Others may have been right for the time. So we mainly talk about movies our younger selves were dra...
Apr 30, 2024•54 min•Season 4Ep. 4
Do most straight men reserve their truest love and romance for other men? Marilyn Frye thinks so, and today we consider a quote from her classic book of feminist essays The Politics of Reality We found ourselves in agreement with Frye's observations. But we debate and detail the angles: Is heterosexual male culture (always) homoerotic? Do men save their 'best' for each other? Do many men find truer friendship with other men because they feel more comfortable around each other? Why? Is this a pro...
Apr 24, 2024•54 min•Season 4Ep. 3
Moving from Fear, to Joy of Missing Out and beyond both. FOMO arises from projection and fantasy, as does a lot of the imagined enjoyment of the imagined pleasures. We might imagine that: everything we want is outside ourselves pleasure, meaning or peak experiences must be mediated by something: people, substances, or outside events that we have to follow a formula to achieve them We chew over the classic cliche FOMO of music festivals, and unearth some insights: the positives of turning towards...
Apr 16, 2024•1 hr 2 min•Season 4Ep. 2
Is Attachment Theory the new Myers-Briggs? No Is it helping? Yes! Is attachment also about friendship, family and self relationships? Yes! Is it the magic bullet? Kind of, if you study Attachment Styles in depth, and do the work It's The Dance of Attachment in Relationships! In our return to podding for a new season, (sorry to disappear, reasons!!) we explore the nuanced world of attachment styles their profound influence on our relationships and self-awareness We delve into the complexities of ...
Apr 10, 2024•1 hr 24 min•Season 4Ep. 1
Study envy to find messages from our future selves We unpack the role of envy, not as a toxic emotion to be avoided or ashamed of, but a normal feeling that gives us clues to understanding our unmet desires, unfulfilled potential, and prompting necessary change. envy vs jealousy. Jealousy is possessiveness, envy is wanting what others have, or wanting to be them becoming less envious of others as we get older the emptiness at the heart of existence remains in place no matter who we are or what w...
Jan 20, 2024•1 hr 3 min•Season 3Ep. 8
Neurodivergence, New Years Resolutions, and Future Focus We welcome the New Year by evaluating the usefulness of New Years resolutions sharing the honest struggles we’ve had small triumphs Ali shares her journey to quit smoking and the strategies she employs. a positive version of sunk cost fallacy, where we are motivated to defend small gains and build on them https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunk_cost making excuses and justifications for not taking responsibility tricking yourself into doing thi...
Jan 12, 2024•43 min•Season 3Ep. 7
Who's Your Guru? (and is Slavoj Žižek any good?) Sam, Joe and Ali discuss gurus, including the online type: our times are thick with public intellectuals, influencers, and self-proclaimed experts Sam's frequent references to Slavoj Žižek , and Joe's conclusion that he doesn't make much sense, and isn't much chop intellectually. Sam on literal guru worship in the Hare Krishnas - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Society_for_Krishna_Consciousness should we just speak for ourselves, rathe...
Dec 22, 2023•48 min•Season 3Ep. 6
What Do We Want To Pass On To Our Children? Find out what controversial song was top of Ali's music wrap for the year. Oh, and we delve into parenting: specifically, how should we influence our kids On the Road , Jack Kerouac; Homage to Catalonia , George Orwell; David Bowie all get a mention the influence we want to have, versus what really happens personal experiences, the influence of books and other texts versus direct communication feeling unsure about who to be as a parent and a person wha...
Dec 15, 2023•1 hr 3 min•Season 3Ep. 5
Possible triggers. A confronting episode but one we are proud of. Sam, Joe, and Ali explore the impacts, recovery and residues of mental breakdowns. The recent Robbie Williams documentary has kicked off many discussions about mental health Robbie's demeanour on screen reminded Ali of herself. He was had extraordinary energy before his collapse, as did Ali, with full time work, a small child, a backyard farm and making sourdough from scratch In the present, Ali can see that something inside Willi...
Dec 02, 2023•55 min•Season 3Ep. 4
We explore the experience of identifying as victim, through personal stories and theory, and of course the potential of spirituality and psychotherapy in helping move through, and renounce identities over time. We discuss the dangers of adhering to a single identity label, and the benefit of taking responsibility for our own actions and healing, while being aware that we are also inescapably interconnected with others. Identities such as Victim are necessary and useful, and can arise naturally f...
Nov 24, 2023•54 min•Season 3Ep. 3
Only posting about shit you have personal experience of? Ali explains why white middle class people should maybe shut up. Team discuss different social media platforms and shouting into the void Posting hot photos on Instagram as awareness raising? The power of posting about stuff you have lived experience with. Sam talks about the power of herd acceptance and how minds change more often than people realise. The advantages of podcasts over social media for actually learning things. The team disc...
Nov 17, 2023•51 min•Season 3Ep. 2
The team discuss a quote from Christian mystic Emmett Fox on grievances: “Going over old grievances mentally, thinking how badly someone acted at some time, for instance, and recalling the details, has the effect of revivifying that which was quietly expiring of neglect.” Joe quotes the cliché that “Having a resentment is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to get sick” and links resentments to addiction. Ali talks about how resentments led to disordered eating. Joe proposes complete...
Nov 10, 2023•1 hr 5 min•Season 3Ep. 1
We discuss mental breakdowns: the need we all have occasionally, the experience of it, and the benefits! Joe, Sam and Ali have had at least one menty b each, as many people now call them. An almost loving and affectionate term, which suggests that this process is something we could maybe greet like a friend. However, it can be very frightening, and isolating, and difficult for others. We talk about the role of work pressures, unsustainable domestic roles, and the intensity of family life. 'Capit...
Sep 29, 2023•57 min•Season 2Ep. 15
The team discuss the art of letting go of friends. Outgrowing friends or just growing in different directions? Joe says if you start judging friends it’s the beginning of the end. We get into painful friendship break ups. Platonic friendships – are men just biding their time? Sam recalls dating the hottest woman on Brunswick St, just to put it on the public record. Joe & Ali discuss their own weird bipolar friendship. Sam sings some Peter Allen. Deep conversations between men without mind al...
Sep 15, 2023•59 min•Season 2Ep. 14
Sam, Joe and Ali reflect on our experiences in therapy. Sometimes the results seem clear – other times they’re hard to see. All agree it’s important to compare your progress to your past self, not some idealised perfect self. We discuss people who don’t think they need therapy. Ali mentions people who “prefer to work things out themselves”. Sam discusses the frustration of the session ending after 50 minutes – Joe says he wants an 8 hour MDMA therapy session – Sam wants to get on the ketamine. P...
Sep 08, 2023•44 min•Season 2Ep. 13
We ask if we are willing to compromise to be in a long-term monogamous relationship? Sam discusses how to, whether we need to and to what extent we need to compromise. Ali shares how a lot of women have fallen in love with the idea of being single. We acknowledge all relationships require compromise however can we compromise our values? Can your values be flexible or do we become stuck in our ways the longer we remain single? We also discuss in distorted times do distorted dynamics come in to pl...
Aug 29, 2023•1 hr 2 min•Season 2Ep. 12
