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A chief officer finds himself repeatedly triggered by a peer. Afraid he’s going to say or do something he’ll regret, he asks his coach for tools. Three categories of self-regulation tools: Physical Internal External A visual tool with specific tools in each category is in our Tool bin. Ready for coaching? Reach out to Tom here . There are always more resources in our monthly email. Hear Tom’s most recent conversation on the Beyond Potential podcast here. Related Library Categories: Managing Your...
A brilliant but rather shy leader is challenged by her management to be bigger, more executive, speak up more. She is grateful to work with a coach. You can build muscle around getting your voice heard by creating homework for yourself. Think of it like going to the gym: working out regularly helps you build muscle. When creating homework, ask yourself three questions: What am I going to pay attention to? What specific behavior am I going to start or stop? How will I measure success? (5% improve...
Tom interviews Dr. Lois Frankel about women in the workplace and other ideas in the just-published third edition of Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office . Listen to the full, unedited conversation here. Get the “Nice Girls” book, here. If you’re curious about a chemistry call, pop Tom an email . There are always more resources in our monthly email. COACHES! You are always welcome at the Executive Coaching Special Interest Group sponsored by ICF Los Angeles. Reach out to me if you want to know ...
Before testifying in a high-stakes case, a theorist and his coach swap horror stories about their nerves hijacking them and the lessons they learned. Tom’s top four idea for conquering nervousness: Write happy endings Celebrate incremental improvement Externalize your nasty voice Ignore your nerves Applying these techniques using our free PDF about mastering nerves. The clip of Emma Stone battling her anxiety before a global audience is here. Each month, we share additional tools in our monthly ...
A leader is getting pressured to stop being so prickly and gain some humility. With her coach, she explores whether it’s even possible for humility to ever be a strength. Core concepts in this episode: Humility is confidence without defensiveness. Assess yourself on the humility scale. “How do I respond to challenges?” Humble leaders are confident in their authority. Ask frequently: “How might I be wrong about this?” Humility requires active listening. Questions addressed in this episode: > A...
This episode explores how to lead effectively when reporting to a CEO with an unchecked ego. Tom Henschel discusses a client's struggles with his egomaniacal boss, emphasizing the importance of managing personal reactions, choosing how to show up, and finding strategic leverage. It also delves into the phenomenon of unchecked ego in leadership and offers two key questions and the 'chessboard' metaphor as practical tools for maintaining balance and influence.
A senior vice-president worries that attention on his people’s development will get overwhelmed in the volume of work. He asks his coach for tools to make the process effective and efficient. Download our free tool that maps the Three Conversations Development Plan. Core Concepts Prioritizing professional development is hard. The 3-Conversation model makes development easy for the leader and meaningful for the person. The three conversations in summary: Define ‘what,’ ‘why’ and give homework; Th...
After a leader turns around the performance of one of his direct reports, he and his coach explore how it happened. And how to make it stick. Core ideas in the episode: Workplaces improve when positive feedback is present Our natural human negative bias is a barrier to giving positive feedback. Learn to notice when things go well. Tell people how they are helping solve the puzzle that is work. Research says the most effective feedback ratio is 4-to-1, positive to developmental. Positive Feedback...
A toxic boss destroys psychological safety on her team. One of her direct reports talks to his coach about how to survive. And how to keep his own team safe. Core ideas in the episode: Don’t take other people’s bad behavior personally. You are not a victim. You have choice. Document repeated bad behavior. Openly discussing mistakes without blame creates safety on a team. As the leader, be willing to admit your own mistakes. Ask people: “How do you think that went?” and “What could we do differen...
Concerned his introversion makes him less effective, a corporate vice president asks for coaching – from an extrovert! Together, the coach and client explore ways to assure his introversion is a strength. Myers Briggs Type Indicator assesses four preferences. One is Introversion and Extroversion. Download a free sample of the profile report here. The six tools unpacked in this episode are: Manage your energy Monitor your self-talk Have ideas ready Manage your calendar Share comfortably about you...
A leader with a direct report who is, she says, the most defensive person she’s ever known, devotes an entire coaching session to gathering tools to help her cope. All the tools and ideas and scripts in this episode are in an easy-to-understand infographic. Download it for free here. To work on “deserving” dive into The Four Agreements. Dig into more tools for managing defensive people in our podcast library in these three categories: Communication Skills Management Skills Relationship Building ...
Still traumatized over an angry explosion she’d aimed at an abusive leader years before, a leader asks her coach to help her access healthy assertion to use during moments of conflict. Where are you on the assertion scale? Our assessments will tell you. In the episode, ASSERTION got divided into two skills: AWARENESS and EXPRESSION . The four-step script to build healthy ASSERTION is: Situation Feeling Want Outcome Part of assertion is EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE . Our tool defines EQ and gives exerc...
Convinced that participants need to engage in order to learn, a leader is discouraged after the cheerless rollout of her online learning program. She turns to her coach for help facilitating virtual groups. Tools in this episode: Tone-setting at the opening: Get people engaged by using the chat to think together; Get people engaged by thinking about how they will show up (ground rules); Ask: “How engaged do you want to be?” Rank 1 – 7 in chat. (#3 came from Michael Bungay Stanier who wrote The C...
Discover effective strategies to enhance your professional connections and improve your perceived "people skills." Learn how to "match" others' purpose, energy, and conversational styles, even leading interactions to create deeper bonds. The episode also emphasizes cultivating "curiosity" through open-ended, reflective "deep questions" to understand colleagues' experiences and foster meaningful emotional dialogue.
A leader is losing credibility with her senior leaders. Her boss thinks she can turn it around by learning the sorting tool that transformed him as a communicator, so he brings in the coach who taught him. Sorting & Labeling! The grandaddy of all communication tools. If you can sort and label you will sound like a leader. The four steps in Sorting & Labeling: Use a headline Use a number Label each number Transition with clarity See it all for yourself in our free Sorting & Labeling i...
Tom Henschel discusses how to answer questions powerfully, focusing on two scripts for closed-ended and open-ended questions. He uses the example of Devin, who struggles with over-explaining, and provides practical tools and a framework to improve question answering skills. The episode emphasizes active listening, concise responses, and understanding the questioner's needs.
A leader suddenly hears how harshly she speaks to herself. Wanting help, she turns to her coach who gives her tools to build a practice of self-esteem. The three self-esteem practices are: Self-Acceptance: Practice being FOR yourself Self-Worth & Happiness: Practice saying, “I am worthy of being happy” Live in Reality: Practice acknowledging what is and what is not. Download our free Feeling Words Grid. The Tools bin with other free resources is here. Four ways to help you live in reality: R...
A coaching client wonders what elements need to be present for someone to appear ‘executive.’ Two executive coaches ponder this question and come up with five elements they deem essential. Categories in the archive to explore: Developing New Behaviors Executive Presence Perception – How You’re Perceived Six episodes to dive into: 189 - Don’t Take Anything Personally 178 - Executive Presence – Three Pillars 168 - Influence 108 - Shouldering the Burden of Leadership 23 - Speed of Thought Download ...
A senior leader, upset about having flubbed her reply to ‘Tell us about yourself’ during a high-stakes interview, talks with her coach about how to prepare for what she considers to be an incredibly stupid question. Categories in the archive to explore: Communication Skills Executive Presence Presentation Skills Six episodes to dive into: 34 - Keeping Repeated Materials Fresh 77 - The Power of Rehearsal 65 - Sorting & Labeling 180 - Becoming Expert 114 - Gravitas 124 - Personal Branding For ...
A chief officer had known for years he was an over talker. His CEO, desperate for improvement, gave him a coach. This episode highlights their first coaching conversation. Two mindsets from this episode: When you speak, have a destination in mind. Ask yourself: “What is my point exactly?” and “Why is this something they need to know?” Pay attention to your listeners. Respond to their interests. Ask yourself: “Does what I’m talking about right now help us get to the destination?” If not, skip it....
Join executive coach Tom Henschel as he guides 'Deepa,' a well-liked VP struggling with poor listening, through her journey of self-discovery and skill-building. Learn about crucial steps like self-awareness, conscious choice, and active listening techniques such as mirroring and fact-finding. The episode also introduces the 'First Words' game and three transformative mindsets—listening to learn, acknowledging feelings as natural, and maintaining separation—to foster deeper, more impactful communication in all aspects of life.
Battling perfectionism and anxiety, a leader asks her coach for help and learns a tool that helps her tame her terrors. This episode dovetails with many ideas in last month’s episode about Coaching versus Therapy. Tom talks about his own bout with anxiety and a near career-ending attack of nervousness in this episode from April. https://essentialcomm.com/podcast/mastering-nerves/ Pixar’s I nside Out 2 has a powerful depiction of a 13-year-old girl suffering a full-blown anxiety attack. The exper...
Tired of feeling like a fraud, a leader searches for help down different paths. She and her coach talk about how coaching is, and is not, like therapy. The leader in this episode wrestles with feelings of being a fraud. Tom talks about three resources to help manage that feeling: “The Executive Impostor” Episode #176 of “The Look & Sound of Leadership” Self-Esteem at Work by Nathaniel Branden & Warren Bennis The Confidence Code by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman Additional tools to support ...
A leader and her coach discuss a three-step model for turning upward feedback into a learning conversation that might allow the boss to hear the message. This month’s coaching conversation explores whether feedback should be given upwards in the first place. If so, are there ways to deliver the feedback effectively? Download the free “Giving Upward Feedback” PDF. In the commentary, Tom tells a story about the Marshmallow Test being debunked. Here’s the column he mentions. This episode is tagged ...
Knowing she’ll need to network to achieve her career goals, an ambitious leader asks her coach what a good networking conversation actually sounds like. Resources for Building Your Networking Skills Leverage the latest algorithm on LinkedIn with this research report . Coaching For Leaders podcast: “How to Grow Your Professional Network” Coaching For Leaders podcast: “Executive Presence with Your Elevator Speech” 10 Rules for Networking Link to 10 Rules of Networking PDF in Essential Tools bin So...
An ambitious leader knows she’ll need to network to achieve her career goals. But, to her, networking feels slimy, so she asks her coach for help. Some core concepts from this episode: The purpose of networking is to know people. Don’t target people. Nurture a relationship. Make networking 5% of your job every week. Networking makes you a more valuable employee. Show interest in the other person. No monologuing about yourself. Listen to Tom’s “Flow” and “Fall” stories on the Coaching Stories pod...
Before testifying in a high-stakes case, a theorist and his coach swap horror stories about their nerves hijacking them and the lessons they learned. Tom’s Top Three Ideas for Mastering Nerves: Celebrate Incremental Improvement Write Happy Endings Ignore Your Nerves Here is the clip of Emma Stone battling her anxiety. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkN0sPQ76E0 Email Tom and tell him he’s crazy here. For Coaches! 2 Resources! 1. Coaching Stories Podcast 2. Executive Coaching Special Interest Gro...
Angry at himself for continually putting others’ needs before his own, a leader turns to his coach for tools. He learns a new way to think and a behavior to try. Be in touch with Tom here. Listen to Tom’s conversations with Neha on “Bridge to Leadership” podcast here and here. Our Essential Tools bin has free resources to help you build your look and sound of leadership. G.W. Bailey’s imdb page is here. This episode lives in the podcast archive in these three categories: For Women Managing Yours...
A vice president, struggling to control his team of artists, learns a technique for managing bad behavior from his coach. He likes it so much, he uses it with his high performers, too. The tool described in this episode is simple to understand but may take a bit of courage to implement. Courage can be taught. Brené Brown created her Dare to Lead course for exactly that purpose. Ready to build your courage? Reach out to us here. Find more resources to build your skills in the podcast archive. Sea...
A leader is so furious with his self-absorbed boss, he considers quitting the company. He asks his coach to help him manage himself and defuse his triggers. In addition to the five strategies Tom talks about in this episode, there are lots more strategies in his conversation with Dave Stachowiak on Coaching For Leaders “How to Deal with a Boss Who’s a Jerk.” Tom’s wide-ranging conversation with Josh Dittmer can be found here. Free tools to support your professional development are in our Essenti...
