Welcome back to The Look and Sound of Leadership, an ongoing series of executive coaching tips designed to help you be perceived in the workplace the way you want to be perceived. I'm Tom Henschel, your executive coach, and today we're talking about... How to answer, tell us about yourself. Kendra was focused on job interviews.
She dedicated a good portion of every coaching session to developing the skills she would need to land a position at her level. We composed emails together. We discussed managing recruiters. We analyzed conversations she had had. We strategized about the background information she discovered. And then she had her first interview. She thought it went relatively well except for one part. Annoyed, she said,
I really flubbed it when they asked, tell us about yourself. Flubbed it how, I asked? I started rattling off my work history. I basically told them my whole resume. Halfway through, I thought, why am I telling them this? They can read this for themselves. But I couldn't stop. I didn't know what else to talk about.
Oh, I'm sorry, I said. She said, so I have a whole bunch of questions for you, because I still don't know the answer. What am I supposed to say when they ask that stupid question? You think it's stupid, I asked. don't you she answered no i said if they want to give me permission
To talk about any part of my life I choose, I'll take that choice and say thank you. You know, it's like I'm a painter, and they hand me a blank canvas, and they say, please, Mr. Henschel, be sure to paint yourself in the most flattering light possible. As long as I'm prepared, no, I don't think it's a stupid question at all. By the time I finished, she was nodding in agreement. She said, but we're back to the same point. What am I supposed to say?
i looked at her what do you want to say well i'd like to tell him all sorts of things she said i'd love to tell him i'm swedish i'd like to tell him what family means to me I'd also like to tell them about this amazing work I've been part of and how I really helped it be successful. So I could talk family, I could talk work, I could talk vision, I could talk relationships. I don't know what to talk about.
kendra i said that is such a great list it's like too much choice where do i start how do i choose can i play a thought exercise with you i asked okay she said Okay, so imagine the interview is over. Now, imagine you are the person who interviewed you. You're going to go back to work and people are going to ask you, how was Kendra in the interview? What three words do you want your interviewer to say about you? With little hesitation, she said, smart.
determined creative i said great smart determined creative now look back on that first list that list of all the things you could talk about being swedish and family and work and all the rest Are there things on that list, things you have lived through, where all three of those qualities were present? Smart, determined, creative? Was there a time in your life like that? Actually, there was, she said.
Oh, it was a whole opportunity I created with some random company I found online somewhere in Mississippi. That whole expansion of the business is a perfect example of me being smart and determined and creative. It was great. okay then i said the expansion in mississippi that is one possible story you might tell when they ask you tell us about yourself huh she said i like that i see what you did
You ask me what I want people to say about me, like reverse engineering the impression I make. I nodded. You take what you want people to say about you. And then you look for something in your life that illustrates those words. So it might be a business expansion, but it could be a story from your family or something you learned as a girl in gymnastics. Choose an example that's going to illustrate those words.
Oh, wow, she said. There's a family story I could tell. I really helped out my sister-in-law. It was a group effort, but I really led the charge. I was smart and determined and creative through that situation, too. That would be interesting to use as an answer to tell us about yourself. It's a story about family, which to me means teamwork. I could definitely talk about that. How long do you think it should be?
what's your tendency how long feels right to you i asked i don't know a minute two maybe i don't want to sound like i'm reciting a speech Oh, I completely understand, Kendra. Keeping repeated material fresh is a whole skill all its own. We can talk about that, I said. But for now, let's stick with how long should you talk. I would say no more than three minutes.
when you have a story to tell like about your sister-in-law or the mississippi expansion that kind of thing can spill way over three minutes i would keep your eye on the time she asked do you rehearse and time yourself i do yeah she said so The clock starts when they say, tell us about yourself. At that point, I have three minutes to talk about something in my life that will illustrate the qualities I've chosen to represent me. Am I getting it right? Perfect. Yeah, I confirmed.
Am I ever going to say the actual words, smart, determined, creative, she asked. You might, I said. Whether you do or not, I think it is important. Tell them why you chose that story. Why does that story make you a more attractive candidate? Make your point. And maybe that's when you say those three words. Maybe. You know what else I could do, she asked, thinking out loud.
I could tell three shorter stories, one about each word, more like a list. I could talk about a situation when I was smart, a situation when I was determined, and a situation when I was creative. I could answer that way. It's the same three minutes. I could absolutely see that, I said. I went on, if you decide to highlight three attributes, try and keep them distinct like you just did. Make them three separate pillars, not one long interconnected bridge.
Oh, my gosh, she said. Oh, I was just thinking about this. I have this guy on my team. He is pure stream of consciousness. I have the worst... Time following him. One thought flows into the next without any separators. I just figured it out like a month ago. His ideas don't always connect. They're individual pillars, not bridges. Oh, he's exhausting to listen to. I said, that's one of my concerns about the way people answer, tell us about yourself.
I think people just start talking. They're hard to follow. Their ideas aren't clear. She said, That's how I felt when I flubbed up this interview, so I'm glad for the prep. What haven't I asked you yet? I answered, Two things I'd say at this point. One, I just want to go a tad deeper on the idea of keeping three qualities distinct. Don't be afraid to start with a number. You know you have three items, so...
They say, tell us about yourself. You reply, you know, I was thinking about that question, and here's how I'd answer it today. I'd like you to know three things about me. The first is that I'm smart, and you're off for a minute on being smart. Then you say, the second thing about me is that I'm determined, and you're off for a minute on that. Then the third one, you structure your ideas. You keep them distinct.
Okay, she said, ready for the second idea. The second idea relates to that three-word tool. You know, it's funny, this exact... piece of advice came up at dinner with an old friend last week. 20 years ago, this friend wrote a business book that became this big bestseller. And in the space of a couple months, she got famous.
It was really great. It really was. One thing we all got excited about was when she was first invited onto the Today Show. So last week at dinner... she was remembering how nervous she had been and how a piece of advice i gave her really calmed her down and i didn't remember this at all but it was essentially the same question i asked you what
Three words do you want people to say about you after they've seen you on TV? She said having those words helped her get clear, but not just on the interview.
Through the whole experience, she used those words from the time she entered the lobby until she got in the cab afterwards. Kendra said, like i could use mine through the whole interview process even with the recruiter you could i agreed who's your friend by the way she asked lois frankel i said she wrote and then kendra said the title along with me
Nice girls don't get the corner office. Kendra said, I read that book. I like that book. Kendra ultimately chose the Mississippi expansion story as her answer to tell us about yourself. as she crafted her answer she worried once again about sounding like she was giving a speech i was glad to be able to refer her to keeping repeated material fresh A 2007 episode of The Look and Sound of Leadership. Before I dive into ideas about, tell us about yourself.
I want to address this little idea that popped up at the very end of my conversation with Kendra. All of a sudden, she and I were talking about this completely different skill, the skill of keeping repeated material fresh. If you end up devoting time to crafting your answer to tell us about yourself, it's likely that keeping repeated material fresh is going to pop up at some point. So I want to help you in advance. I have a tool to share. Well, actually two.
The first one is just the short answer. If the question is, how do you keep repeated material fresh? The answer is, stay present. Every time. Stay connected. to your ideas Nothing else. That's the short answer. But here's the longer answer, and this is the second tool. It's an episode called Keeping Repeated Material Fresh. The link is in the show notes. It's a five-minute listen from 2007, and it has three really good tools.
I know this is a real issue for people. I wrestled with it when I was working in theater. We did eight shows a week for months at a time. I learned a lot about keeping repeated material fresh. So there you go. Two tools about that. Okay. Now, the ideas in this episode, tell us about yourself.
I want to break down four tools that you heard in my conversation with Kendra. The four tools are, number one, the question itself, number two, the three words exercise, number three, finding your story, and four, Sorting and labeling. Okay, number one, question. The question itself, I know a lot of people have strong feelings about this question. They tell me they do. I know they do. And I think they have strong feelings because the question is so vague. It has no direction.
It's not helpful in any way. And so a lot of people feel it's kind of a trap. They worry, you know, can I talk about my family? Can I talk about my last job? Can I talk about being a dad? And my answer is always the same. If you want to. my feeling about this question is yeah it is vague and yes it is without direction and when i hear that question i think it's not such a good question for the questioner
But listen, if they want to take the hands off the wheel and give it to me, fantastic. Don't mind if I do. So for the question itself, I encourage you. Treat it as an opportunity to prepare for. When the invitation gets extended, be prepared. You could even be disappointed if they don't ask the question. That's number one. Honor the question. Number two.
The three-word exercise. I have been using variations of this exercise with my clients for years. I've recounted different versions of it on the show. It's in a lot of episodes. It wears many different outfits, but it is always basically the same. And it works. Here it is, real simple. Think of yourself when you're at your best, then put three words to it. actors call this finding their spine. I've always liked that image. It lifts me taller. A lot of people call it finding their brand.
Yes, absolutely. I believe in personal branding. This is one way to do it. Another way to do it is through finding your values. We have a needs and values assessment in the Essential Tools bin. There's a link in the show notes. Go grab it.
Do a simple needs and values assessment and see if some words come. They probably will because it will be you at your best. Another place you could look, assessments. Have you done DISC? Have you done Myers-Briggs? Have you done Enneagram? Any assessment like that. will name your strengths. It will show you at your best, as well as your development areas, but it will show you at your best. And you could use some of the words from that. Imagine your best self. Put three words to it.
And by the way, you can look in any part of your life and find three words. So you might have different words about yourself as a leader, different set of words about yourself as a parent or as a partner. Imagine your best self, then put three words to it. One word of caution. I would advise against using the three-word exercise to reverse engineer what you think people want.
Don't look at a job description and ask yourself, what would three good words be that would match that job? You know, I'll tell a story about that. Don't do it. Don't use it that way. The three word exercise is meant to help you be bold. without apology. It's an exercise in acceptance and pride. Imagine your best self. Put three words to it. That's number two. Number three and four are right after this month's gratitude.
In America, we have just had our National Day of Giving Thanks, and I take a moment at this time every year to thank... the team that keeps the look and sound of leadership on the air. We are ending our 16th year doing this. This is our 250th episode. We have gotten really good at this. Recently, an episode went live. And none of us mentioned it. It just happened. It was...
Fantastic. I'm so grateful to have a team that functions so beautifully. It's a team of three. Laura Clark, who runs Chief Executive Management. Thank you for all your support. Paul Eisen. who keeps the brand and has for so many years. Thank you. George Avellino, who keeps all the systems working and always has. Thank you. It is a pleasure to work with you all. I am grateful.
By the way, to all of you listeners, I don't know if you know, but in addition to putting out the podcast every month, the team also puts out an email, and there's often resources in those emails that aren't mentioned on the air. You can subscribe in the show notes. They put together a transcript. Again, the link is in the show notes. All this happens every month. Laura, Paul, George, thank you. I'm grateful.
gratitude this month to eric wallace eric wallace is a television producer here in los angeles his wife and i serve on a non-profit board together and one day he's at home he calls out to his wife and he says isn't there some guy on your board named Tom Henschel? And she goes, yeah. And he says, well, I've been listening to his podcast and it's great. Small world, right? But that's not the gratitude yet.
Over the past 18 months or so, I've been having conversations with many different people about how the show might evolve and grow. Knowing Eric's background was in television, which is all about the craft of storytelling, I reached out to him and I asked if he would talk to me about the show. And he did. And it was a fantastic conversation. I learned a lot. So, Eric, thank you.
I am grateful, as always, to those of you who reach out to talk about coaching. I love meeting you all. I love hearing your stories. Thank you. If you're curious about getting coaching in the new year, the link is in the show notes. I end our gratitude this month with thanks to Apple podcast listener Bon1314 from here in the United States. They titled their review Nuggets of Gold. I am so glad the show feels helpful.
Thank you so much for posting a review. Really, reviews keep the health of this show going. Thank you. Thank you all. And thank you all for just being so engaged. It's a joy to be in touch with you. Okay, number three. Finding your story. When someone invites you to tell them about yourself, you want to reply with a story that will evoke your three words. It's going to show some part of you
At your best. And maybe it's one story, maybe it's two or three. But the question is, what's the story going to be? How are you going to find your story? Start with one of the words from your three-word exercise. When you think of that word. What comes to mind? What you're looking for should play in your head like a scene from a movie. You're not looking for ideas. You're looking for people. People doing things. People saying things. People feeling things.
Could that little scene become your story? Could it represent a part of yourself that you want them to know about? And would you, at the end, be able to say, the reason I told you that story is, and be proud of the point you're making? So you ask yourself, those three words, when were they present in my life? Your story is going to be somewhere in there. That's all about finding your story. But before we leave it, one more thought. Once you find your story...
You have to rehearse your story. Rehearsal is not a chore. Rehearsal is an investment in success. And one, just one of the many benefits of rehearsal, is that it gives your brain extra capacity on game day so that you can think on your feet. There's a whole episode about rehearsal. The link is in the show notes, along with the one about keeping repeated material fresh. So go find them. I hope they're helpful.
And now number four, my old friend, sorting and labeling. Listen, I did sorting and labeling during the episode. Maybe you recognized it. That whole section about I want to tell you three things. The first thing is that I'm smart, and second, I'm determined. That whole section.
That was sorting and labeling. I often say sorting and labeling is the fastest way to sound executive. There is an episode about it. The link is in the show notes. There's a PDF about it. The link is in the show notes. It's easy to learn. And when someone asks you, tell me about yourself, you can sort and label. It will make you sound fantastic. Check it out. I hope you're excited about...
crafting a piece of communication like that. When you're ready for the next step, you could search the archive in three categories, communication skills, executive presence, presentation skills. And if you want to dive into specific episodes, they're the three that I mentioned during this episode, Keeping Repeated Material Fresh, The Power of Rehearsal, and Sorting and Labeling. Three others are Becoming Expert,
Gravitas. Personal branding. All the links are in the show notes. Help yourself. Okay. I wish us all a healthy year of growth and discovery. That's it for me. Until next time. I'm Tom Henschel. Thanks so much for listening.