Welcome back to The Look and Sound of Leadership, an ongoing series of executive coaching tips designed to help you be perceived in the workplace the way you want to be perceived. I'm Tom Henschel, your executive coach, and today we're talking about how to answer questions powerfully. Devin was completely non-defensive about the feedback.
his boss bianca had been plain with her admiration she found him level-headed far-sighted and good with people she was equally clear about a specific area of development Devin needed to get better when he answered questions. When Devin got asked a question, he started spewing words and people tuned him out. Bianca didn't want people tuning him out.
In our first conversation, he told me, I don't always know I'm doing it while I'm actually doing it, but afterwards, he gave a smile, my wife has a sister, Kathy. Whenever she calls, my wife just puts the phone on speaker and keeps on doing whatever she was doing because Kathy is a talker. When I give one of those answers, my wife tells me, you're doing a Kathy. And usually I can see that I did.
I said, but you don't know while you're doing it. I do sometimes, he said, when I'm nervous, like in front of the board. I feel myself throwing out this wall of words like some sort of shield. I know I'm doing it then, but I can't stop. I'm curious, within that wall of words, do you answer what's asked? Oh, for sure, he answered earnestly. Overanswer, probably, but yes, I absolutely answer the question. At least I think I do.
And Bianca thinks people don't hear it. Because I'm doing a Kathy, he said with a shrug. I asked, could you give me an example? Without pause, he said, I did one just this morning in the kitchen. My wife asked me what time I'm leaving for the airport on Saturday. One of my nephews is flying in and I'm picking him up. So she asks,
What time are you leaving? And I proceeded to tell her my entire schedule for the day. I was trying to be helpful. I wanted her to know I could move things around if she wanted. I could help with things. But finally she said, Dev, just tell me. What time are you leaving for the airport? And that was when I knew I had done a Kathy. I said, you were trying to be helpful.
Absolutely. I think that's the case most of the time, if it's not my nerves. I really believe I am the only person who knows my situation. So when people ask a question, I want to be sure they understand the situation so they can understand my... answer i nodded and shrugged being helpful right it's interesting i said you seem to be aware of two feelings that make it hard for you to answer questions powerfully being nervous
and wanting to help i wonder if those feelings could be like early warning signals for you when you feel them pay attention and put extra effort into how you're answering questions he laughed Extra effort? What would that even look like? I said, when you feel one of those feelings, think to yourself, I'm only going to answer what they asked because I have no idea why they asked.
He said, you know, like this morning, I thought maybe my wife wanted some help, so I answered in the most helpful way I could. I asked, by the way, Did you find out why she asked? Oh, yeah. She wanted to know if I was going to overlap with some friends of my daughter who are coming over. I always like seeing these girls. So she was just asking if I was going to be there when they came.
so she wasn't needing any help i said not by a hundred miles i took a breath and then said quietly if you want to get better at answering questions dev start there don't assume you know why anyone is asking anything ever because you don't just answer what's asked don't be helpful don't be paranoid Don't be anything. Just answer what's asked. That sounds so simple. Is it that simple, he asked? Well, it can be, yeah. If you really listen and hear what's being asked, then answer what you heard.
yeah it can be simple well i don't think listening is my problem he said i think i hear the question it's the answering part i need to get better at i offered i have a framework and some tools that might help Great. Yeah, please, he said. Okay. So, the framework around the entire idea of answering questions powerfully goes like this.
There are only four kinds of questions you'll ever get asked in English. Only four. Three of them are in one category, and the other one stands alone. So to answer questions powerfully, you only need to learn two tools. one for each category he nodded what are the three questions have in common this group of three are all closed ended questions i paused When he didn't take the ball, I continued. The three kinds of closed-ended questions are yes, no, forced choice,
And short answer. You know, I think a lot of business gets done in closed-ended questions. Can we hit this milestone? That's a yes-no. Are we going to use these numbers or are we going to generate another report? Forced choice. How many people are we expecting? Short answer. It's all closed-ended. So in this closed-ended category, there's a script for how to answer powerfully. It has four steps. And the first step is...
Answer what's asked. First, if they ask a yes-no question, you give them a yes or a no. No qualifiers, no explanation. Answer what's asked. asked the same if they ask a short answer question you fill in the blank period no explaining because i don't know why they're asking he said exactly yes i agreed but listen he said that's never gonna fly at work things at work are complex if i don't do some explaining and put some context around things i'm not doing my job
I nodded in agreement, which is why there are four steps in that script, and that was just the first one. Answer what's asked. That's first. You lead with that. The second step with closed-ended questions, match. When you get asked a closed-ended question, however long they took to ask the question is about how long you get to answer. Match length, because that's about how long they'll listen.
He laughed. Well, that's me for sure when I'm the one asking the questions. I want to know what I want to know, and I want to know it now. I nodded. Matching length keeps people's attention. So that was number two. Here's step number three. Check for understanding. Ask the person, did I answer your question? And if they say you did, you get to go to number four, which is...
Fill in all the context. This is when you add detail to your short answer. Oh, he said. So when they say yes, I answered their question. It's like they're giving me permission to add my stuff, like they've cleared their plate and they're ready for more. I nodded. They're ready to listen. Yes. And the reverse is true too, right? He said. If they didn't get their question answered, they're not ready to listen. That's how I am as a listener. Oh, wow. I have a lot to learn.
And that's just the three closed-ended questions. So does that mean the standalone one is an open-ended question? Exactly. The fourth question is anything that is not... Yes, no, forced choice, or short answer. It's the why questions, the how questions, questions that invite explanations. He smiled saying, that sounds like something I'm trying to avoid. No, I don't want you to be scared of open-ended questions, I said. There's a script for open-ended questions.
It's designed exactly to address that concern. It stops you from over-talking and getting off track. There are only three parts. The first part makes you step back. Instead of jumping in and starting to talk, this first part says... Begin with a number. So someone asks you, why did you choose those deadlines? It's an open-ended question, right? It invites an explanation. You start by stepping back.
and assessing how many ideas are in your answer. You can do it in a second if you're ready. And you say, there were three reasons we picked those dates. Or you say, there's one reason that drove that decision. You start your answer to an open-ended question with a number. And then the second part, you label your first item. And then the third part...
You talk about that item, but be brief, encapsulate. You're being asked for an explanation in summary form. Be brief, encapsulate. And then you go back. You label your second item, your brief about that one. You cycle through the second and third parts until you're done. So I'm going to make something up so you can hear it, I said. So they ask, why those deadlines?
And I say there were three reasons for those deadlines. The first was budget. We're going to need help hitting the deadlines, but the budget's there. Second, Anita's team. Those deadlines are best for them, and so we're glad to do it. And last is people. We think we can do it without killing people. Okay, time out. So did you hear it? I gave each reason a label.
There was budget and Anita's team and people, and then I was super brief explaining it. When you get an open-ended question, those three steps are going to help you from pulling a Kathy. Devon tried and felt very self-conscious and awkward. But then he began to feel himself gaining control over how he answered questions. Even his wife noticed. That's when he knew for sure he was moving towards the look and sound of leadership.
I don't know if that was a lot. I can imagine it might have been. In this part of the show, I want to take the two scripts that you heard in my conversation with Dev, and I want to simplify them. I want to make them easy to use so you can go out and try them on. You know, maybe like at a dinner with your family, maybe in a meeting with your boss's boss, give the scripts a try.
The first way I want to simplify the scripts is simply by putting them in a category. The category that these scripts live in is called communication skills. And within communication skills, these scripts are among the ones that you treat like a machine at the gym. You're going to do as many reps as you can every day with these scripts, and you will get better. These scripts are your machines at the communication skills gym. All right, you ready? So we have two scripts.
One is for closed-ended questions. One is for open-ended questions. I'm going to give you two ideas about each script. And I really do hope you will go out and try them later today. That's how they will come to life. By the way, the scripts that I'm talking about, they're in a PDF.
that lives in the tools bin on the Essential Communications website. It's free. Please go help yourself. It's called Answer Questions Powerfully. The link is in the show notes. Okay, here we go. So two ideas about the closed-ended script. First idea. In this idea, I want you to picture yourself standing in front of me, and you have a question. And you think I might have the answer. Now to you, this question feels like an open slot in your head.
Only certain answers are going to fill your slot. A yes-no answer, a forced choice answer, or a fill-in-the-blank answer. That's it. So you ask me your question, and when I hear your question... All kinds of sparks set off in my head, and I start answering with explanations and information and details, and none of those things fit in your slot. To you... It feels like I'm trying to stuff a mattress into your slot. And what happens? Your slot closes up. You stop listening to me.
Even I might still be talking, but you're not listening, and I am clearly not answering questions powerfully. Just start listening to how people answer each other's questions. You are going to hear a lot of people. Stuffing mattresses into slots. Do not be that person. Use the first two steps in the script. Answer what's asked and match length. Answer what's asked.
Match length. That's how you fill people's slots. No mattress stuffing. That's idea number one. Okay, number two. When that person comes to you with a slot in their head, and they ask you to be the person to fill their slot, they become your customer. That's idea number two. What if the whole purpose in answering a question was to create happy customers. To me, the benefit of a happy customer is happy customers are more likely to listen.
So if I filled their slot and if they're happy, I have a better shot when I add my stuff. And what if I didn't fill their slot? I think having a customer service mindset helps there too. Picture this. Someone has a need, a need for information, or they need an opinion. They come to you with their need. They ask you a question. In that moment, they are your customer. You're going to treat them well. And inquire, listen, allow them to ask questions. They're the customer. And don't judge them.
If they ask for a spatula, give them a spatula. Even if you think what they really need is a wheelbarrow, they're not asking for a wheelbarrow. Give them a spatula. Answer what's asked. Don't assume. Because they are the customer. That is the second tool about closed-ended script. It's a customer service exchange. First tool was no stuffing mattresses. By the way, they're listed in the show notes. Okay, we're going to flip.
To the open-ended script, right? This was the script that had three steps. You start with a number. You give a label. You explain. Some of you may recognize this is a variation. of the sorting and labeling tool the sorting and labeling tool is the granddaddy of all communication skills if you can sort and label you sound like a leader And that's basically what you're going to do when someone asks you an open-ended question. You're going to sort and label spontaneously. Following this script...
will allow you to do that. And I've got two tools to help you make the leap. The first tool is about that very first step. Start with a number. When I was learning this tool, this was the step that scared the hell out of me. I remember thinking, but wait, what if I say I have three ideas and I can only think of two? Or what if I say I have three ideas and I think of a fourth, right? Well, let me just say.
Those things happen. They do. And that's what this first tool is all about. It is about giving yourself permission to take the leap, use a number, and see what happens. Listen, I'll tell you my story about this. This was 25 years ago or more. So I was part of a company of coaches who were inventing corporate coaching. And we would gather four or five times a year to learn from each other.
I had ideas to contribute, but I often felt like I was the younger brother at the table. Everyone at the table was a PhD except me. I had a Bachelor of Fine Arts from the Juilliard School. I mean, that was worth something, but I often felt that I really needed to stake out my credibility. One day, we're all around this table, and we're trading ideas about one of our topics, and I take the leap.
In an answer to a question, I say, I've got three examples. And as I'm explaining the first one, I can see the second one on the horizon. Great. I start on the second one. And I look in front of me in. Total darkness. It is a cold landscape. I am void. And I just know I do not have another idea. And, you know, I... used my best actor training. I got to the end of my second idea and I said, let me stop there. And I just want to tell you,
I had barely finished the sentence before the next person spoke. No one looked at me and went, wait a minute, where's the third example? Listen, I think the fact that I had used a number and gotten two out of three made me a better communicator than most of the people at the table. So that's the first idea. Take the leap. Start with a number. It will be okay. You will work it out.
By the way, what if you think of an extra one? I'd say think of customer service. You can add it if you think it's important. You can say, I thought of a fourth one. And you tell them. But just because it came to your mind does not mean you have to say it. Is it going to help your customer? And if so, then yeah, add it. Great. Take the leap. Start with a number. Okay. One more tool. Open-ended script right after this month's gratitude. My gratitude begins with a listener named Sarah.
Seven or eight years ago, Sarah wrote me an email about a situation at her workplace that was really complex, and we had an interesting exchange. And over the years, we had a couple more interesting exchanges. And then last year... Sarah became my client. I just felt, getting on our very first Zoom call, I felt like I already knew Sarah pretty well.
I am so grateful to the podcast and to all of you for making relationships like that possible. I think it's fantastic. So thank you all for what you write to me. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. And thanks for becoming clients. It's great. I appreciate it. Thanks to coaches who've joined us at the Executive Coaching Special Interest Group. We had a session recently. Four coaches were on the call for the first time, one including a gentleman from Milan named Tommaso.
If you are a coach and if you are looking for community, come join us. The link is in the show notes. This month, gratitude to a listener in the UK named New Build House Hunter, they left a review titled An Absolute Gem. And they said they were a new listener who was binging through the archives. Thank you, New Build Home Hunter. Thanks to everyone who leaves a review. It makes a huge difference. Finally, something I am hoping to become grateful for.
A while back, in the episode called How to Answer, Tell Us About Yourself, I gave gratitude to a television producer here in Los Angeles named Eric Wallace. And I explained that for more than a year, I had been inviting conversations with people about how the show might evolve. And Eric was one of those people. And I learned a lot talking to him. And I am grateful.
And now I would like to extend the same invitation to you. If you have thoughts about how the look and sound of leadership might evolve and grow, please send them to me at tom at essentialcom.com. The link is in the show notes. I will be so grateful to hear your ideas. Okay. Here's the final idea in this episode. This open-ended script, right? Start with a number, label, explain. It only works when you're the expert.
This script is not meant for when you're talking about something for the first time. If you could ask a question that's outside your expertise, I'm not saying you shouldn't answer. I'm saying you shouldn't answer by starting with a number. You're not an expert. Don't do it. Instead, say something like, Let me think out loud a little here. I haven't thought a lot about this, but my first ideas are, whatever, do your best. But this script is not for those times.
This script is for when you are an expert, and I think we are often experts more than we often let ourselves know. I think we know as much as anyone else in the room.
Those are the moments when I hope you are going to jump in, use the script, start with a number, label, explain. And by the way, it doesn't have to be data that we're talking about. This can be opinion. People ask me things all the time like, what do you hear is on executives minds these days i will automatically start with a number because i am an expert not the expert i am an expert i have plenty to say
Committing to whatever number I said, it keeps me crisp. And it helps keep me from rambling. I can do all of that, including being brief, because I am an expert. And that's the final idea. Step up. When you get asked a why question or a how question, and when you know what you're talking about, use this script. It will make you sound like a leader.
That's the whole purpose of this show, right? I think you know there is an archive that has categories like communication skills. This episode is in that category. There's also categories of leadership. perception, how others perceive you. Because how you answer questions is definitely one way people's perceptions get made, right? If you want to keep digging in, five episodes that you might listen to are...
How to stay calm under fire. How to tackle over talking. Short sounds confident. The talkie executive. and under executive questioning. All the links are in the show notes. Don't forget to grab the PDF with the scripts. Okay, that's it for me. Until next time, I'm Tom Henschel. Thanks so much for listening.