Imagine that you and your partner are on a boat in the open ocean. Waves are coming and the wind is high. Rowing on your own, you're doomed. Rowing together in perfect sync, you can overcome multitudes. It's your job to keep the boat afloat. In this episode, we'll continue our discussion from the last one and recognize difference in the way we and our partners were raised. Then, we'll discover that we have to go against our grain to be effective. It's easy to tell our children to be respectful t...
Oct 16, 2020•56 min
In this episode, we'll delve deep-down into the cycle that often leads to divorce: happiness -> tension -> complaining -> criticism -> contempt -> defensiveness -> stonewalling (via flooding) -> isolation -> loneliness -> separation. We'll learn about healthy complaining vs unhealthy criticism, why it is necessary to complain sometimes, and gender differences. Men and women cannot expect to have similar interactions with their partners as they do with their friends. As...
Oct 12, 2020•1 hr 4 min
We'll start this episode wrapping up the cognitive neuroscience approach to understanding feelings from the last one. This will help us understand that we often see in others what we expect to. Looking for the good in others helps us find good, whereas focusing on bad will leave us seeing and experiencing bad from them. Then, we'll discover that suffering actually helps to create meaning, proposed by Viktor Frankl in "Man's Search for Meaning." By creating goals that form justifications for thin...
Sep 29, 2020•1 hr
In this episode, we take a deep dive into the science of cognition. We'll learn about what determines the way we feel in situations. This consists of all the components of a situation, the weights we put on them, and the feelings associated with them. This understanding will examine the role of the stories we tell ourselves and the perception we have of our partners. We'll discover the importance of self-care and how this changes the components that enter a dynamic. Finally, we'll touch on traum...
Sep 21, 2020•1 hr 3 min
In this episode, we dive deep-down into the neuro-anatomy of trauma (including PTSD) and how it affects our relationships (hint: it plays a huge role!). We'll discover that trauma is a brain glitch where memory cannot be scrubbed from emotion and integrated from one brain region to another. We'll explore some mechanics of how the brain works to better understand this process - including why we dream! If you think unresolved trauma doesn't affect you - you're in for a surprise. We all share soft-...
Sep 13, 2020•1 hr 6 min
Today, it's easier than ever to ignore our feelings. A bit of stress? Reach for the cellphone. We feel down? Brush it off. The problem is that when you don't put out a fire, your whole house burns down. Neglected thoughts arise in the body. Yet we feel like we're not allowed to feel different from the perfection advertised around, which is especially exaggerated through social media. If our feelings don't deserve to be acknowledged, why should our brains believe we should? Numbing hurts our self...
Sep 08, 2020•54 min
We've learned so far that partnership is so important to building a healthy and strong relationship. But what is the difference between being a team and just being super needy and dependent? In this episode, we'll explore the concepts of independence, interdependence, and codependence in more detail. We'll discover how to strike the right balance between coming together to feel close yet not too close that we leave our partners feeling resentful to us or suffocated. Communicating our needs, want...
Sep 04, 2020•53 min
In this exciting episode, we continue our discussion on feelings started in the last one. We'll discover that our feelings often glitch when we don't take proper care of ourselves. Many of us would rather eat better, sleep more, spend more time in nature, breathe deeply, and exercise more regularly, and our partners would like this too! We feel bad and take t his out on those close to us, which leaves them hurt and damages the friendship and safety between us. But as adults, we need to harness o...
Aug 30, 2020•59 min
In this episode, we wrap up everything that we learned so far about habits. We apply this specifically to our relationships. We delve deeper to understand how our environment affects our moods, how to set up habits to deal with conflict, and the effect of stress on our habit responses (hint: it encourages you to use them)! We'll discover how we can practice getting them working for us as our default no-think behaviour when conflict arises by practicing when times are safe, just like we would for...
Aug 25, 2020•1 hr 3 min
We’re stuck. We want to be good to our partners, but sometimes we just snap at them and don’t know why. We want to feel good, but we’re dissatisfied. The relationship is boring sometimes. Is this all there is in life! More of this, every day, week after week, year after year! Habits are like a double-edged sword. The more we do them, the more bored we get from doing them, and the more they stick. In this episode, we’ll learn how to discover cues that lead to our habitual responses, and how to ch...
Aug 19, 2020•1 hr 1 min
Think of yourself like a tree. When first sprouting out the ground, the branches are delicate and can be easily snapped with our fingers. If we continue to let them grow, they get thicker and heavier. Soon, we need a chainsaw and some trucks to take them down! By setting limits, we can stop branches forming early before they get too big. In this episode, we'll get further into our understanding of habits and how they affect our relationships. By building up an emotional bank account, we set the ...
Aug 19, 2020•59 min
Okay Dory, you taught me all these great things I can do to deal with anger and mitigate conflict. But now what! I've tried implementing them, but I'm not successful. When I get angry, my body just takes over in conflict and the things you taught don't come to mind. Does this sound like you? If so, you're not alone. In this episode, we apply the skills that stroke patients use to walk again, children learn to talk, and adults use to drive (and crash). The way to build great habits is deep in you...
Aug 17, 2020•1 hr
In this episode, we delve deep into conversations we started on the last one about the 4 Horsemen of Argumentation. We'll work hard to set ground rules on what is absolutely not okay in our household. We'll discover signs of abuse and what to do about it. Next, we'll delve into the world of scapegoating and how it might be affecting you or someone close to you. Finally, we'll talk about unmet dreams, boredom, and how that may be leading to issues in our relationship. Plus many examples, stories,...
Aug 12, 2020•1 hr 1 min
Conflict is hard. But it doesn't have to be! In this content-filled episode, we talk about the four biggest things that arise from conflict and lead to the destruction of a relationship and how to prevent them. We'll discuss the 3 main styles of conflict dynamics and how we can recognize ours, then how to overcome it. We'll talk all about the stress response, how it's affected by exercise, and how it affects our relationship. And we'll discover how we absolutely need to take care of ourselves be...
Aug 10, 2020•1 hr 6 min
Conflict is hard. But it doesn't have to be. In this third episode on our series on conflict resolution, we 8 new tools to our conflict resolution toolbox. We'll talk all about managing our urge to defend, deny, counterattack and withdraw. We'll learn about agreeing with part of the statement, agreeing our partner has an opinion, using humour, and more. We'll discuss why some problems gridlock due to unrealized dreams and how to manage them. We'll discuss how physical sensations lead to emotiona...
Aug 08, 2020•58 min
In this series, we're learning all about how to prevent most conflict and deal with the few that get through successfully. In this episode, we build on the topics of the last one by discovering more of the drivers of anger and how to address them. We are presented with an analogy to understand the role of different parts of our brain during conflict and the order we need to deal with them to calm the situation down most effectively. Anger and conflict is hard, but it doesn't have to be. What do ...
Aug 05, 2020•1 hr
Anger and fights are hard. But they don't have to be. In this episode, we discuss the three main reasons that anger and fighting occurs. By learning to address them, we can prevent the significant majority of fights and deal with the ones that pass through effectively. We don't have to go in blind and make the same mistakes as those around us. By learning to understand this emotion, we can make our lives easier, our relationships stronger, and feel better. Plus some bonus neuroscience too! Learn...
Aug 05, 2020•1 hr 2 min
Dating is hard. But it doesn't have to be. In this episode, we use the limits we learned about in the last episode and apply them immediately to dating through an in-depth analogy discovered through brainstorming sessions with our team. We'll take you through exercises where you learn to place the things that are important to you around your house and learn to carefully give the right people access. We'll learn how to screen that the right people get access to our most fragile parts, why we seek...
Jul 27, 2020•1 hr
Limits are essential for the success of nearly any relationship and barely discussed in society. These are the ways we protect the way we interact with ourselves and others. We must share the blueprints for what is okay and not okay with our thoughts and others, for they are much harder to guess than you'd imagine. By learning to enforce them and ensuring they are clear, consistent, and well advertised, we can make our self-talk, relationships, and parenting easier. In this episode, we'll ask ou...
Jul 26, 2020•58 min
There are a million things competing for our time. We're conflicted between our partners and our other peers or parents. Our partner asks for help on something we have no idea on. We don't agree with their perspective on something. What in the world are we supposed to do? In this episode, we dive deep down into the role of teamwork in a relationship, what it's supposed to look like, and how to optimize it for success. This is something so important that we are barely taught about in our lives. L...
Jul 25, 2020•55 min
Everything is going well in the relationship so far. Then, boom. We hit one of them. We don't understand why they're there, and can't seem to get why our partner is acting that way! It's likely we just hit a soft-spot. Next, we resort to putting gas on the fire to make it all blow up in our faces. But it doesn't have to be this way. Soft spots are something we all share, they make us human. Working to understand them in ourselves and in our partner will help feel better together. By changing our...
Jul 24, 2020•32 min
The more we give our partners, the more we can love our partners. The more we can love our partners, the more we can give our partners. It's the problem of what came first - the chicken or the egg! Learn to take the first step to give in your relationship to build your love and shared emotional bank account. The more you grow your account in the good times by leaning in to shared emotional experiences, the more you'll have to take out when times are bad. Like everything, the hardest part is star...
Jul 24, 2020•43 min
So many couples pump and pay for 300 litres of gas when only 50 of them get in the tank. They then get mad at the car when the gas spills all over the floor and kick the tire to break their toes. You can't win a fight with a car! Learn to share love in the way your partner wants to receive it so for better efficiency. You don't have to try harder - just smarter! It should leave you feeling happier and more fulfilled too. Plus lots more tips. Love is hard, but it doesn't have to be. See more at l...
Jul 23, 2020•55 min
There is so much misconception in society today on the stages of a relationship. Things are changing between you. That's okay! You're doing it right. Relationships change, just like we do. We're people, anyway! The stages we propose are: lust/romance, struggle, working, maintenance. We're going to learn in this episode how to get to stages where we feel comfortable, happy, and safe in efficient ways. This involves some awesome conversation starters you can use with your partner, how to communica...
Jul 23, 2020•36 min
Take a sneak peak on this episode on who we are, our story, and our future plans. Learn2Love* is working hard with a team of passionate individuals with a vision to create a world with healthier relationships and stronger families. Also, in the second half of this episode, learn about how to learn from our feelings and know when to act on them using tips from a variety of books. Feelings are tricky, and often glitch. What do they mean? How do we know when to act? How can we learn what they are t...
Jul 22, 2020•32 min
COVID-19, or the new coronavirus, is taking a toll on everyone. Yet long-distance relationships are especially vulnerable. Instead of making your relationship worse, the pandemic can serve as an excellent tool to strengthen it further. Watch now to learn more about how COVID-19 could be the blessing you need to take your relationship to the next level. Comment below if you have any other tips that have helped you! And be sure to give the video a like if you think someone else will find it useful...
Jul 08, 2020•18 min
