Starting a new relationship, ending a relationship, negotiating within a partnership for the first time, practicing differentiation, having kids - all of these changes can be positive, exciting, and beneficial, but they can also bring up stress. Making sense of all those conflicting emotions can be challenging. If you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed by your relationship(s), that is SO OK!! And, this is the episode for you! We talk about a ton of powerful tools you can use to stay grounded whi...
Dec 23, 2023•37 min•Ep 137•Transcript available on Metacast When one person in a monogamous relationship announces to their partner that they are polyamorous, it can be shocking, and it can bring up a lot of feelings. Some people call this “polybombing” - maybe you’ve heard the term before, maybe you’ve experienced it. We know - from experience - that there are some pretty big dos and don’ts for this conversation, and in this episode we’re talking about how to present this information you’ve discovered about yourself in a way that fosters a sense of open...
Dec 16, 2023•48 min•Ep 136•Transcript available on Metacast Veto power: What is it? What are the pros of cons of using it in polyamorous relationships? Could the desire to exercise it be a relic from your monomind? Spoiler alert: we aren’t fans of veto power. It can feel like a protective measure, but veto power can actually inhibit the trust and personal growth that makes relationships strong. There are many ways to create safety and negotiate boundaries without having to incorporate a power imbalance into your love life—and we’re talking about them in ...
Dec 09, 2023•35 min•Ep 135•Transcript available on Metacast ‘Agreements’ and ’consequences’ can feel like big scary words, but they are not the same things and ‘rules’ and ‘punishments.’ In fact, when you put these frameworks into practice, they can actually make you feel so much more security and relief. We discuss why it’s important, especially in non-monogamous relationships, to have clear agreements, and to have clear next steps for what happens when those agreements are broken. We walk through some example scenarios and discuss the benefits of proac...
Dec 02, 2023•37 min•Ep 134•Transcript available on Metacast Relationship “work” doesn’t have to feel like work ! With some re-framing and a playful attitude, the work can feel a lot more like play ! What does it mean to ‘do the work’ in your relationship? This phrase gets tossed around all the time, but in this episode we’re digging into what relationship work can actually look like for you. There are a few key ingredients for doing the work that, when missing, can leave you feeling lost in the process: effort, attitude, and structure. We discuss how to ...
Nov 25, 2023•28 min•Ep 133•Transcript available on Metacast If you’ve had a partner bring up the possibility of non-monogamy, and your reaction was - ‘why am I not enough?’ - you’re not alone. We dive into why this feeling comes up so often for people who are exploring non-monogamy, and we discuss what depth psychology can teach us about how to move through this painful feeling. We share our personal experiences of feeling unvalued in relationships, and of struggling to support partners through their own feelings of low self-worth while moving through di...
Nov 18, 2023•32 min•Ep 132•Transcript available on Metacast Conversations about de-escalation can stir up a lot of fear—change freaks us out!—but things are always changing in our relationships, especially when we’re exploring non-monogamy and untangling ourselves from the fairy tale, rom-com version of love. De-escalation doesn’t always have to be a sudden, slam-on-the-brakes change—we discuss how de-escalation can be a pragmatic, intentional way of attending to what the situation actually needs, instead of following the traditional relationship steplad...
Nov 11, 2023•42 min•Ep 131•Transcript available on Metacast What if you didn’t have to cut yourself off from your own toxic attractions? Sounds ridiculous, right? I MUST have to go cold turkey on my romanticization of a**hole behavior. But what if exploring them took your personal growth journey to the next level? In this episode, we’re diving deep into why that kinky stuff is so yummy, and what you can do to leverage your toxic romanticizations into growth + fun. We’re joined by Sunny Megatron, a sex, kink, and BDSM educator and media personality, and w...
Nov 04, 2023•57 min•Ep 130•Transcript available on Metacast Conflict happens. Especially when differentiation and individuation are parts of your personal and relational journeys. And that’s a good thing! Enter Imago Dialogue, a communication tool created by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt. Not only can it transform your communication, using Imago Dialogue can transform conflict into more connection . Whether you’re practicing Imago Dialogue with a romantic partner, family member, or friend, the core idea behind it is something a lot of u...
Oct 28, 2023•1 hr 22 min•Ep 129•Transcript available on Metacast You can be fully immersed in polyamory, living and breathing the non-monogamous lifestyle, and still be stuck in a monogamous mindset. If you feel split, conflicted, like you’re living in bifurcated parallel universes between different partners, you’re not alone. The paradigm of monogamy runs deep in our society, so it’s no surprise that many people have a hard time breaking out of monogamous internal frameworks, even when so much of their lives reflects their polyamorous identity. That’s why th...
Oct 21, 2023•33 min•Ep 128•Transcript available on Metacast Have you ever felt like you’re caught in a mix of jealousy and compersion? Like you want to be happy for your partner, but there’s also this feeling of jealousy tugging at you? You are so not alone. Dr. Marie Thouin has joined us on Playing With Fire before, but this time is extra special, because we’ve coined a new word for that conflicted feeling—comperstruggle! And we’re telling you all about it. Making the transition from comperstruggle to compersion isn’t always easy, but in this episode we...
Oct 14, 2023•40 min•Ep 127•Transcript available on Metacast If you’re at the beginning of your non-monogamy journey, or if you’re feeling a little stuck and you don’t know where to turn for community, this episode is for you. We’re joined by Emma and Fin from the Normalizing Non-Monogamy Podcast to discuss all things community. We talk about why community is so important for people who are exploring non-monogamy, the challenges that come with the process of finding and building community, communication and connection in long-term relationships, coming ou...
Oct 07, 2023•58 min•Ep 126•Transcript available on Metacast Struggling with your own jealousy? Partner struggling with jealousy? Friends/community arguing about how to handle jealousy? This episode was MADE for you. The jealousy roadmap emerged directly from my qualitative research on jealousy. Since then I’ve put it to the test with hundreds of people- it works. And I want you to have it for free because jealousy is a normal emotion and you deserve to feel empowered to work with jealousy proactively. You’ll also want to download >>>The Jealousy...
Sep 23, 2023•1 hr 12 min•Ep 125•Transcript available on Metacast How does it go for you to show up with all your unique you-ness? Of course some of you is private, but it can be tricky to bring the rest of you out into your relationships. We talk with distinguished psychotherapist and renowned speaker Rachel Wright about our various experiences being out as our individual selves. For more from Rachel: www.rachelwrightnyc.com The Wright Conversations podcast Instagram: @thewright_rachel Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.Jo...
Sep 09, 2023•1 hr 3 min•Ep 8•Transcript available on Metacast There are things you can do to build intimacy in your relationships, and things you can do that can break it down. We're talking about wording agreements and commitments in ways that avoid leaving back doors you can sneak out of. and leave you present to your partners and yourself. And what can happen if you don't. Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com
Aug 26, 2023•41 min•Ep 123•Transcript available on Metacast Do the limited choices on the mainstream relationship menu leave you feeling restless and looking for something else? Do you think something more customized would suit you and your partners or partner better? I hear you, so we're talking with guest expert Carrie Jeroslow, host of Relationship Diversity Podcast . We talk about solo-amory, the line between monogamy and non-monogamy, embracing discomfort, the value of intention in relationships - we packed a lot in here. Click here to download ...
Aug 19, 2023•1 hr•Ep 122•Transcript available on Metacast Non-monogamy is a big adventure. It's also a huge source of fear and dysregulation for a lot of us. Individuating also involves quite a bit of discomfort. When that all gets too much, you can fall back on your routes to safety. If you're not familiar with yours, check out Jake Ernst and the resource link below. But what if you've outgrown your old familiar routes and they don't work as well anymore? No fear, we've got some strategies for managing that. Download the Routes of ...
Aug 12, 2023•29 min•Ep 121•Transcript available on Metacast If you've got a relationship that's feeling like it's hit a plateau, what can you do? It doesn't matter if it's with a romantic partner or a friend or a family member, the moves are pretty similar. We've been there, and we're talking about options to enhance your own aliveness, and the vitality of your relationships. It's not particularly complicated, but it might be hard. How hard it is is specific to you and your relationship. Are you ready to open your relation...
Aug 05, 2023•48 min•Ep 120•Transcript available on Metacast Wiggly, firm, soft, rigid - peens are shape shifters. Why does that matter? Well, somebody you know might have one, and they might have feelings about that, what with the cultural pressures brought to bear on them. Guest expert Michelle Renee started Soft Cock Week, we talk with her about why she did that, what it's for, what's in it for you, and lots more about finding pleasure in life. Go to SoftCockWeek.com for resources, upcoming events, opportunities to participate and contribute. A...
Jul 22, 2023•46 min•Ep 119•Transcript available on Metacast You're alive in a human body, so you have a nervous system, and sometimes it freaks out. What do you do then? We learned Neuro-Somatic Intelligence from the incomparable Elisabeth Kristof, Melanie Weller, and Matt Bush, and they have the same problems we all do. So we got them to share some of their stories of how they use the tools they teach us in their daily lives, and how you can learn to use them too. They're enrolling their next cohort now, so go to Brain Based Wellness to get th...
Jul 15, 2023•56 min•Ep 118•Transcript available on Metacast How much more satisfying would work be if you brought more of yourself into your work relationships? Joli talks with Beth Hankes (she/her) about the benefits of bringing your relational skills into the business environment. Beth is the Founder and CEO of Earth and Salt in Burlington, VT, whose mission is to see all people free to live in their pleasure. Join Beth's mailing list at earthandsaltshop.com , and follow on IG at @earthandsaltshop Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Fi...
Jul 09, 2023•38 min•Ep 117•Transcript available on Metacast Guess what they didn't teach us in school? HOW TO DATE. Much less how to date MINDFULLY. Even less-less when we are ready to date non-monogamously. My lovely colleague and fellow Ph.D. Researcher, Dr. Marie Thouin, decided to take this matter into her own hands... She talks with us about mindful dating and how you can turn dating into something joyful! So many good reasons to work with Marie and get more pleasure out of your dating experience, and she's offering a 30 minute free intro se...
Jul 01, 2023•54 min•Ep 116•Transcript available on Metacast Have you been *working* on your relationships so hard you've lost the sense of joy and pleasure of it all? Time for something new! Megan is an expert in coming home to our innate capacity to relate to your Self & Other by engaging with the natural world & your body Listen in as we bask in the joy of creating something new. We've been cooking up an exciting new project that will take you to your body & soul with ease & meaning. Check it out https://www.wetravel.com/trips/t...
Jun 17, 2023•1 hr 2 min•Ep 115•Transcript available on Metacast Non-monogamy comes in as many forms as there are people imagining outside the norm. Imagination is the tool we use to dream the dream forward to what's next. When you follow your imagination that way you gain a better understanding of yourself. Relationships that focus on growth don't have to be non-monogamous, but non-monogamy creates tons of opportunities to make your unconscious *stuff* conscious. It will also likely challenge you to face your relational wounds and fears. This might s...
Jun 10, 2023•32 min•Ep 114•Transcript available on Metacast How do you handle wigging out, feeling like a mess, or in technical terms getting dysregulated? Well, we rely on tools we learned from applied neurologist Elisabeth Kristof, and now you can hear about them directly from her! Learning how to work with your unique nervous system is like getting the cheat code to be more present in your life, have access to pleasure, and be more of who you want to be even when stuff gets tough. You're going to want to know how to work with Elisabeth, and she...
Jun 03, 2023•1 hr•Ep 113•Transcript available on Metacast Swinging, sex clubs, bdsm, lifestyle - if you're into stories about these things, this episode is for you. Ashley Weller from the What's Your Position podcast joins us to share her experiences with and perspectives on sex, Check out Ashley's Instagram, @whatsyourpositionpodcast! And listen to the podcast ! Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com...
May 27, 2023•1 hr 18 min•Ep 112•Transcript available on Metacast Relationships require so many different skills. Do you ever struggle to process an argument, or to identify what you really want and need? Dedeker, Emily, and Jase, the hosts of the Multiamory podcast and authors of the book Multiamory: Essential Tools for Modern Relationships, talk with us about relationship tools that work for ALL relationship structures. This is a must-listen whether you are non-monogamous, monogamous, or just want to upgrade your communication skills for every area of your l...
May 20, 2023•55 min•Ep 111•Transcript available on Metacast Struggling with intimacy but you've already tried *everything*? Not sure what could possibly help? Surrogate partner therapy is amazing and we want you to know more about it! Brian Gibney, a Surrogate Partner Therapist talks with us about how he and other SPTs help people build trust and communication that allows them to experience physical touch with safety and connection. For more information about Surrogate Partner Therapy and Brian Gibney go to BrianGibney.org, Resources mentioned in the...
May 13, 2023•1 hr 6 min•Ep 110•Transcript available on Metacast Did you jump into the open waters and find the water kinda choppy? Totally normal, we're sharing: -How the scientific method can help you do this all with less pain (really!) -Why you are struggling with managing change -What do you need to consider about starter boundaries for opening There are a lot of changes to navigate, but you don't have to figure it all out by yourself. We're outlining how we recommend navigating the change, strategically avoiding pitfalls by taking a tested a...
May 06, 2023•40 min•Ep 110•Transcript available on Metacast What if you could get to know your power intimately, and so get to know your whole self? What if you could use your story to have the life, pleasure, and relationships you want? Check out our chat with the incomparable Mollena Williams-Haas, Kink Doula, writer, performer, and podcast host. Listen to her share some of her story of power exchange and authenticity with you. Click here for the Kink Doula - Sign up for Mollena's mailing list - there's a free class available when you sign up. ...
Apr 29, 2023•51 min•Ep 108•Transcript available on Metacast 
