Why do so many men use porn? What is it doing for them? I think it's obvious that porn can ruin your relationship, but what's not so obvious is why so many men use porn. What is going on inside the male brain. I have my own theories but I wanted to hear from THE porn expert on this... Here are a few of the highlights: SHOWNOTES The link between chronic erectile dysfunction and porn use [11:00] How do you know when porn use is a problem? [13:00] Can people use porn in a healthy way? [16:00] Why a...
Nov 02, 2017•1 hr 1 min
I used to try really hard to get people to think I was a good guy. This is another version of the "nice guy syndrome." And, it had a big cost. If you are a nice guy, or you are with a "nice guy" you're going to want to listen to this one because it's quite possible the "nice guy" thing is going to really damage your relationship over time (If it hasn't already). Here are a few of the highlights: SHOWNOTES About Robert [6:00] How does someone become a Nice Guy? [11:00] Robert’s definition of a Ni...
Oct 26, 2017•1 hr 17 min
Dan Savage is known for his criticism of monogamy. But what is he missing and why does he think it's a disaster waiting to happen? Listen as Jayson takes a swing in Dan's direction. SHOWNOTES: Introducing Dan Savage 1:30 Dan Savage on why monogamy does not work 3:00 Is every monogamous relationship a disaster waiting to happen? 5:30 The potency of 'leaning in' 7:00 Monogamy as an expression of learning to love 9:00
Oct 24, 2017•11 min
If you are serious about not dating another narcissistic man, and you are an awesome woman over 40, 50, or 60, this episode is for you. My guest Bobbi Palmer, of "Date like a grown up" has some great advice for how to stay true to you and get what you want. SHOWNOTES About Bobbi [10:00] How Bobbi met and married the man of her dreams within 6 months [13:00] Getting clear on what matters and what doesn’t [15:00] Talking politics, religion, family and finances on the first date [17:00] How people ...
Oct 19, 2017•54 min
Oct 17, 2017•5 min
Do you ever wonder if your relationship pain is guiding you deeper into whatever you need to heal yourself? What kind of relationship do you have with God? With reality? In this fun interview, Andrew Harvey explores how you can create evolutionary love that is much bigger than the "you" you know yourself to be. Hang on for a wild ride as Andrew takes you into a sacred outlook on how relationships work and how they can serve your soul's calling. SHOWNOTES Andrew’s definition of true love [10:00] ...
Oct 11, 2017•56 min
What Does ‘Do the Work’ Actually Mean? 1:30 Defining ‘doing the work’ 3:00 Developing the self 4:00 What is the inner child? 5:30 How long must we work on the ‘inner child’?
Oct 09, 2017•9 min
Loyalty is essential in a long-term partnership. Is loyalty different for gay couples? What honest conversations and boundaries are you both talking about? In this episode my guest Jean Malpas has some excellent tips for addressing these concerns and for giving your partner the benefit of the doubt. SHOWNOTES Understanding cisgender and transgender [2:00] At what age do people start to identify with their gender? [4:00] An issue that comes up for any couple, gay or straight [8:00] What’s ok and ...
Oct 05, 2017•53 min
What's porn's place in a relationship? [2:00] How porn can negatively affect a relationship [5:00] Porn is not the bad guy [7:00] Porn, like any compulsion, can be a wedge between two people [10:00] Ramifications of porn [12:00]
Sep 30, 2017•15 min
Arielle Ford explores the ups and downs of marriage, what to do with a new age nice guy, and how to rekindle the spark after stuckness. This week's guest got married at age 44, and realized she sucked at listening and didn't know anything about partnership. And now she teaches people all over the world the about the power of attraction, soul mates, and love. SHOWNOTES Talking vs communicating [6:00] The purpose of marriage [8:00] Shocking facts about divorce [12:00] Women: How to fill up your ox...
Sep 28, 2017•56 min
2:30 Defining emotional abuse 4:45 It Takes Two 5:30 Do you feel safe in your own home? 6:10 It's more complicated than 'just leave.' 7:00 How are you a part of your own abuse cycle? 7:35 Self-reflection and taking responsibility
Sep 26, 2017•10 min
What does your intention have to do with creating a great relationship? According to my guest, everything. If you are single, what vibe are you putting out into the world to attract a mate? If you are partnered, what vibe are you putting into your relationship? This week's guest has so much to say about upgrading your story and your intention and how that can impact how fulfilled you are in your relationship (or future relationship). She also has some practical tips on how to do exactly that. If...
Sep 21, 2017•1 hr
QUESTION When my boyfriend gets triggered and shares his thoughts and feelings with me, how do I not take it personal and get defensive? I feel like this creates a barrier between us when he is trying to reach out and I want to be with him in this moment. But I feel attacked even though I know he's not attacking me - I can hear my shitty defensive tone of voice and feel my body language change. I also can't get my thoughts clear enough to have a mature conversation with him, I'm all caught up in...
Sep 18, 2017•11 min
If you want to understand the long term cost of not repairing a rupture, Dan Siegel, who coined the term interpersonal neurobiology, is about to illuminate your mind. We discuss how we human beings operate when our "minds" and hearts come together, trauma, and how to fight off disease with presence. This episode is powerful. It's for the science nerds and relationship geeks who want to better understand the human nervous system, mindfulness, and even trauma. SHOWNOTES The 3 facets of the mind [1...
Sep 14, 2017•1 hr 11 min
Quote from the Smart Couple Quote Book Stop wasting time with people who don’t support your fullness. Stop apologizing for who you are. Do not spend another day dimming your light because someone’s uncomfortable. Some people you know will always be uncomfortable with your way and will always judge you. Let them go and keep being you as you are. SHOWNOTES A quote from The Smart Couple Quote Book [7:00] Outgrowing people on your path to growth and development [8:00] Surrounding yourself by growth-...
Sep 11, 2017•14 min
Boundaries are essential in a partnership and Terri Cole knows a lot about them. We talk about getting sober, parenting her inner child, what it takes to have your marriage as a top priority and what women can do to balance being independently strong with interdependently connected. This podcast interview is fun and full of gems. SHOWNOTES Terri’s story [10:00] The 3 questions you need to ask yourself when you get triggered [21:00] What is ‘transference’ and how to we ‘repeat realities’? [23:00]...
Sep 06, 2017•1 hr 6 min
QUESTION: It seems like my husband wants me to change things, and that there are things I want him to change... Is that the same things as wanting him to grow, just in different terms? I’ve heard you say that people can’t change their partners, but you have said that the goal should be to grow. I’m wondering what the difference is. How do you accept that your partner isn’t going to change, but then strive or agree to grow? - Natalie, Denver SHOWNOTES Is it okay to want your partner to change? [2...
Sep 05, 2017•11 min
This couple learned how to get stronger through postpartum depression and conflict. Listen how they navigated a big personal crisis and how they helped each other get through it. Here are a few of the highlights: SHOWNOTES Denise & TJ's story [11:00] Experiencing spirituality through your partner [13:00] What happens when both partners in a relationship tend to 'take charge'? [18:00] Challenges that come up when you move in together [20:00] Dealing with constant conflict with no resolution [...
Aug 31, 2017•1 hr 4 min
QUESTION: I understand that men generally will put career and providing at the top of their priority list, while relationships might hover near the bottom. Relationship is a top priority for me, so how do I get to the place where i’m ok with not being at the top of the list for my guy? How do I not take it personally? Do I need to be looking for someone who’ll put our relationship at the top of their list and make me a priority - or is that a childhood fantasy? - Vanessa from Santa Monica SHOWNO...
Aug 28, 2017•11 min
Fighting and emotional upset is just part of the program in a committed relationship over many years. But what separates the smart couple from people who really struggle is being able to repair well. In this episode, my wife Ellen Boeder covers why "the repair" is so critical in a strong partnership. It's essential as a parent, so why would it be any different with your partner. Listen in to get a few tips on how to do this fundamental skill and learn from Ellen and me as we share from our own m...
Aug 24, 2017•43 min
QUESTION: I’m single and broken up with four months ago and have decided to take time out of the dating pool to get to know myself more, reflect on my last relationship and to enjoy my own company. The thing is, i know that in the near future, I want a partner. What is your advice on choosing a partner? To be more specific, I’m aware of the relationship process of the honeymoon phase, then the real partnership where you get to know the real person… Since in the honeymoon phase usually people try...
Aug 21, 2017•9 min
Here at The Relationship School®, we focus on the long-term relationship game. But what if you're ready for a relationship but can't find one? This week, I invited Marni Battista to help shed some light on how single women can break out of their comfort zones, start dating and find a quality guy (without repeating the same patterns over and over again). Make sure to listen for her advice on how to get past the last 10% of unconscious patterns that keep most single women stuck in their comfort zo...
Aug 17, 2017•57 min
QUESTION: I keep running away from relationships with the opposite sex when they start to get close or use the ‘L word’, basically because I think I’m not good enough for them or they’d end up leaving me. I also find it difficult to initiate talks with other people - what do I do? - Elias SHOWNOTES This episode's question [1:00] The irony in running away because you're scared of being left [2:00] Fear of being alone is human. Here's how you can use it to build intimacy [3:00] Working on your tri...
Aug 14, 2017•11 min
Pat Ogden PhD is a pioneer when it comes to somatic trauma therapy. Her work has touched many people including me. Even if you don't think you have any trauma, you likely have some living in your body that your partner will activate. In this episode, Pat has some great guidance to normalize and assist you in taking small steps that will greatly benefit you and your partner as you wade through the daily triggers of long-term relationship. SHOWNOTES What got Pat into studying human beings and trau...
Aug 09, 2017•58 min
QUESTION: What are your thoughts on the ‘Don’t go to bed angry’ rule? SHOWNOTES This episode's question [1:00] When taking a time-out overnight is the best thing you can do [3:00] Rigid rules vs agreements [6:00] How you can make agreements with your partner that leave room for flexibility [8:00]
Aug 07, 2017•10 min
Ever feel like you're tolerating shitty behavior, shouldering the burden of being the ‘therapist’ in the relationship, or constantly giving to others (and talking yourself out of your own needs)? Valuing ourselves and having confidence in our boundaries is key to getting more of what you want and less of what you don’t want - especially in relationship. Danielle Laporte is an expert at helping women find their ‘white hot truth'. She’s got a gift for translating spirituality, self-help and ‘new a...
Aug 02, 2017•1 hr 23 min
QUESTION: I feel like I’m doing my part setting boundaries, communicating my needs and asking for what I want. What else can I try? I’ve done the work to learn how to express and articulate my needs, how I want to be treated, what’s not ok with me, behaviour that’s hurtful (very clearly with specific behaviours) and setting clear boundaries. Some of the behaviours continue even though I’ve clearly told him I won’t tolerate it anymore. When I tell him how this specific behaviour impacts me, I oft...
Jul 31, 2017•12 min
Want to know one man's approach to calling in the one? How did he find his dream relationship? What exactly did he do? Then, how did he create the dream relationship even after it got really dark? Find out how to find and create a solid relationship through one man's inspiring story. Once again we learn a lesson from a man who was willing to face himself and go work on what he needed to. SHOWNOTES Dan’s story [4:00] Tools Dan and his wife use when they’re facing challenges in relationship [13:00...
Jul 27, 2017•1 hr 13 min
QUESTION: Since a boundary of mine is about to be breached - again - does that spell the end of this particular partnership? I've been lying to myself and my partner about my ok-ness with her quarterly 7+ day adventures with a supposedly platonic friend of hers. It took almost a year to figure that out and come to a place of acceptance with it. Last night during a semi-routine check-in conversation I was finally able to be honest with myself and with her that these trips, which started after she...
Jul 24, 2017•12 min
Imagine you're 12 years old, at home watching tv, ears pricked up as you hear your dad pulling into the driveway. Every part of your nervous system listening to the revving of the engine, the slam of the car door, the keys in the front door. All these things might be the difference between being greeted cheerfully, being ignored, or being beaten. It doesn't take long to become an expert at knowing what's coming. The levels of sensitivity we develop to these dynamics as kids has a direct impact o...
Jul 19, 2017•1 hr 6 min
