In today's episode, we're talking all about break-ups. Break-ups are one of the most challenging and sometimes destabilising emotional experiences we can go through, and there is so much conflicting advice and information on how best to approach the ending of a relationship. In this episode, I'm providing you with some hard (but hopefully liberating) truths about the break-up process, so that you can make the most of the opportunity that your break-up offers to deepen in your self...
Jan 10, 2024•22 min•Season 1Ep. 126
For our last episode of the year, I'm sharing my own story about the power of choosing courage over comfort and making bold, scary, uncomfortable choices in the direction of the life that you desire. So many of us cling to familiarity and the known thing, even when it feels draining and deeply at odds with who we want to be and how we want our lives to look and feel. As we say goodbye to 2023 and enter the new year, let us reflect on where we are still hiding or avoiding in our lives, and w...
Dec 31, 2023•21 min•Season 1Ep. 125
In today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts about trust, risk and vulnerability. Many of us would prefer to trust only when we've completely de-risked or have some semblance of certainty that we won't get hurt, but unfortunately this is entirely at odds with the inherent vulnerability of trust. We'll cover: why our fear will always keep us on the lookout for ways in which we might get hurt how trust and vulnerability interface with fear and risk-aversion why we need to...
Dec 22, 2023•15 min•Season 1Ep. 124
In today's episode, we're unpacking three relationship superpowers (which frankly are also life superpowers!). These are the skills and mindset pieces that I wish for everyone to be cultivating as they walk the path of becoming more secure in themselves and in their partnerships. We talk about: discernment and self-trust the importance of humility and curiosity keeping things in perspective Highlighted Links FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Lif...
Dec 14, 2023•23 min•Season 1Ep. 123
In today's episode, we're talking all about the importance of self-care in a relationship, and how prioritising self-care can (somewhat counterintuitively) be far more nourishing and constructive for the relationship than being overly focused on the relationship itself. We'll cover: why anxiously attached people tend to obsess over the relationship how neglecting ourselves when the relationship is under strain makes things worse why we should all be prioritising our self-care if w...
Dec 05, 2023•20 min•Season 1Ep. 122
In today's episode, we're talking all about emotional availability. Emotional availability is one of those terms that is thrown around a lot on social media - and it seems like everybody is on the lookout for the "emotionally unavailable" people that are to be avoided at all costs. But as always, I think it's important to approach these conversations with nuance and curiosity, before slapping labels on others and declaring them to be the problem. As we discuss in this ep...
Nov 30, 2023•16 min•Season 1Ep. 121
✨ DOWNLOAD THE FREE PDF GUIDE HERE ✨ In today's episode, I'm sharing 10 tips to start healing your anxious attachment style. While "healing" is not something that really lends itself to a formula or a 10-step plan, having guided thousands of students through the process of healing their anxious attachment I can certainly attest to the key growth areas for most folks with anxious attachment patterns. We'll cover things like getting your mindset right, learning about your ...
Nov 21, 2023•30 min•Season 1Ep. 120
In today's episode, we're talking all about people-pleasing: what it is, why we do it, and how it's different to "just being a nice person". For many of us, people pleasing is second nature. We are so accustomed to accommodating others and burying our own feelings and needs that we don't even realise we're doing it. Unfortunately, this typically leads us to feel disconnected, lonely and exhausted - not to mention it usually backfires insofar as building healthy...
Nov 14, 2023•16 min•Season 1Ep. 119
In today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts on the common question of why those with anxious attachment patterns are typically attracted to those with avoidant attachment patterns (and vice versa). As we know, this is a very common relationship pairing - which can be confusing when you feel like the challenges of that dynamic are at odds with your preferences and desires. As we'll cover, oftentimes this is driven by subconscious patterns that propel us to recreate the familiar i...
Nov 08, 2023•21 min•Season 1Ep. 118
In today's episode, I'm answering a listener's question of "How do I know if my relationship is worth fighting for?" This is a big question, and unfortunately it's one of those messy ones that no one can tell you the answer to. What's worth fighting for according to one person, might be simply too hard and too much for another. We'll cover: fear of regret no matter what we choose focusing on what you can control how to do things differently rather than sta...
Oct 31, 2023•15 min•Season 1Ep. 117
In today's episode, we're talking all about things that we need to normalise in long-term relationships. So much of the time, our expectations about our relationships - that they should be harmonious 100% of the time, that we should love everything about our partner, that we should never doubt or question our choices - leave us feeling confused and anxious. When really, the problem is not with our relationship - it's with the pressure we've placed on our relationship to meet ...
Oct 24, 2023•22 min•Season 1Ep. 116
In today's episode, we're talking about 5 things that secure couples do really well to build safety, intimacy and connection in their relationships. We'll cover: raising important issues and knowing when to let things go prioritising connection, play and intimacy validating each other's experience rather than needing to be right balancing togetherness and separateness engaging in meaningful repair when things go awry ⭐️ Get my FREE masterclass, Where Anxious Avoidant Couples ...
Oct 17, 2023•23 min•Season 1Ep. 115
In today's episode, I'm joined by my partner Joel and we're answering your questions about how we've navigated aspects of the anxious-avoidant dynamic in our relationship. We talk about: doing "the work" individually and as a couple how we've built trust and safety over time how we manage conflict and have hard conversations Highlighted Links FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Download the FREE Anxious Att...
Oct 10, 2023•33 min•Season 1Ep. 114
In today's episode, we're talking all about stress and the profound impact it can have on our relationships. We live in a world where stress is chronic and constant - and not only does that spell trouble for our health and wellbeing, but it can leave us feeling lonely, resentful and disconnected in our partnerships. We'll cover: how stress can exacerbate existing attachment dynamics why we aren't designed for chronic stress and what it does to us how our nervous system's...
Oct 03, 2023•27 min•Season 1Ep. 113
In today's episode, we're talking about what to do when your partner doesn't want to work on the relationship. This is an incredibly common dynamic, to have one partner who wants to actively work on things and another partner who is more resistant (which can often overlap with anxious-avoidant dynamics). We'll cover: why your partner might be feeling resistant to doing "the work" how different people make meaning out of needing to work on a relationship ways to dism...
Sep 26, 2023•18 min•Season 1Ep. 112
In today's episode, we're talking all about trust & trustworthiness. Trust is something that many people struggle with, oftentimes as a direct result of past experiences where trust has been breached. And as we'll discuss in today's conversation, trust is about so much more than honesty. My hope is that you'll walk away from today's episode with greater clarity about why you might struggle with trust, and the steps you can take to remediate this in your relation...
Sep 21, 2023•17 min•Season 1Ep. 110
In today's episode, we're exploring healthy interdependency. Interdependency is often cited as a key trait of secure functioning relationships, and yet many of us lack a clear picture of what healthy interdependency actually looks and feels like - especially if you have a history of insecure attachment patterns. We'll cover: the spectrum from codependency to hyper-independence interdependency as a healthy middle ground how different attachment styles relate to codependency, indepe...
Sep 19, 2023•21 min•Season 1Ep. 110
In today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts around anxious attachment & open relationships. While not being my personal experience, this is an area I receive a lot of requests and questions around, as various non-monogamous relationship structures grow in popularity. We'll cover: common struggles of anxious attachment and how they might show up in an open relationship structure the importance of having a strong relationship to self when exploring open relationships communica...
Sep 14, 2023•13 min•Season 1Ep. 109
You've probably heard about the 5 Love Languages as pioneered by Gary Chapman. In this episode, I’ll share how to navigate the very common situation of having different love languages to your partner. We'll also cover how love languages interface with anxious-avoidant dynamics, and offer insights and practical tools on how you can share your love language with your partner so they can understand how to love you the way you want to be loved (and vice versa)! We’ll cover: The 5 love lang...
Sep 12, 2023•17 min•Season 1Ep. 108
Mismatched libido in a relationship is a challenge that a lot of couples face. In today’s episode, I’ll be answering a listener's question of how to navigate mismatched libido in a relationship, particularly in an anxious-avoidant dynamic. I’ll guide you on strategies to break the anxious-avoidant spiral, by initiating open dialogue and finding a middle ground between both partners. We’ll cover: Why it's unrealistic to expect your libidos to be in sync all the time How anxious and avoi...
Sep 07, 2023•17 min•Season 1Ep. 107
Retroactive jealousy is one that focuses on the past, fixating on other partners or stages in your partner's lives and being threatened by it. In today’s conversation, I’ll dive into how such jealousy stirs immense stress, but more importantly, we share insights into building healthier, more resilient relationships. We'll cover: Impacting our self worth Looking for skeletons and reasons to not trust If you should share the jealousy with your partner Keeping yourself in an unhealthy loo...
Sep 05, 2023•16 min•Ep. 106
With societal pressures and a ticking clock, being newly single in your mid-30s can be challenging. In today’s episode, I want to share advice on navigating being newly single and the mindset for dating, and honouring the desires you have without feeling hopeless or overwhelmed. We'll cover: Grieving a future you thought you would have The opportunity for reframe Comparisons to other people’s lives Creating a full and vibrant life for yourself Use the code PHOENIX for $150 off the Higher Lo...
Aug 31, 2023•15 min•Ep. 105
As an anxiously attached person, space in a relationship can sometimes feel like the biggest threat. In today’s episode, I’m sharing my own experience with this and advice on how you can consciously choose space and separateness to foster greater intimacy in your relationship, especially in a time where you may feel more drawn to stay connected. We'll cover: Wanting to close the gap and be closer Advice for how to reset and nurture separateness Things to do to focus on your own self-trust a...
Aug 29, 2023•18 min•Ep. 104
Looking out for someone who you care for that is going through a hard time is a challenge most of us will have to face in our lifetimes. But feelings of threat to the relationship, especially as an anxious attached person may come up in these times, and I want to help you navigate through these while prioritising your wellbeing, and not overstepping. We'll cover: Monitoring your “fixing” the situation Ways to support someone and yourself How you can be a balanced supportive person Nothing c...
Aug 24, 2023•18 min•Ep. 103
In today's episode, I'm answering your questions on the topic of break-ups. Break-ups are a universally challenging experience, and an area that I receive a lot of questions on. So today I'm answering your questions on: what is a no-contact period and how best to implement it? when is it a good idea to reconcile with an ex? how to deal with guilt around knowing that I need to break up with someone but worrying about hurting them? Highlighted Links FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxiou...
Aug 22, 2023•16 min•Season 1Ep. 102
In today’s episode, we’re exploring long-distance relationships. Despite the old adage of “absence makes the heart grow fonder”, many people tend to really struggle with long-distance relationship structures. We’ll cover: Why it’s normal and natural to struggle with long-distance How attachment dynamics can exacerbate long-distance challenges Tips for maintaining connection while apart Highlighted Links FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Do...
Aug 17, 2023•22 min•Season 1Ep. 101
In today’s episode, I’m answering a listener’s question on how to stop taking things so personally. This is something a lot of us struggle with, and can lead us to internalise others’ behaviour in ways that damage our self-esteem and exacerbate our suffering. We’ll cover: Why you might take things personally The link between people pleasing and taking things personally How to approach these situations differently Highlighted Links FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel ...
Aug 15, 2023•19 min•Ep. 100
In today’s episode, we’re talking all about attachment styles and break-ups. While of course, break-ups are messy, personal and far from formulaic, there are undeniably certain themes in how our break-ups feel that can be traced to our attachment patterns. Understanding the ways in which attachment drives can shape how we relate to and experience break-ups is essential in finding greater compassion for our own experience, and depersonalising someone else’s behaviour to the extent that they’re pr...
Aug 10, 2023•24 min•Season 1Ep. 99
Does ghosting leave you feeling anxious, confused, and questioning your self-worth? If so, you’re not alone. Today, we're diving deep into this all-too-common dating phenomenon. We'll explore why ghosting occurs, the common impacts it has on self-esteem, and how to give yourself the closure and peace you desire. Highlighted Links FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here September 202...
Aug 08, 2023•16 min•Season 1Ep. 98
In today's episode, we're diving deep on the abandonment wound - a fear that lies at the heart of many insecure attachment patterns and relational dynamics. A fear of abandonment can show up in so many ways, and can keep us from experiencing relationships in a way that feels trusting, safe and secure. We'll cover: how it feels to fear abandonment in your relationship different forms of abandonment (physical, emotional) relational behaviours that a fear of abandonment can lead to t...
Aug 03, 2023•19 min•Season 1Ep. 97
