What’s helpful to say when you’re in an argument? How can you prepare to have an argument? This month’s coaching conversation dives deeper into the topic of “Conflict” which began last month. This episode has scripts and concepts for mastering The Conflict Conversation. We’ve created another PDF to support your leadership development. It’s a feedback model detailing actions and intentions for you. If you’re serious about your leadership, you have to be serious about mastering the art of feedback...
Aug 04, 2022•19 min•Ep 222•Transcript available on Metacast Conflict is inevitable, but most of us were never taught skills to help us find our way through the dark corridors of this house called “Conflict.” This month’s coaching conversation illuminates predictable patterns and practical tools to navigate successfully through Conflict House. If you’re looking to develop your executive presence, our latest PDF is for you. It talks about the four factors every executive needs to be effective. It’s free. You can find it in our Tools bin . Help yourself. Th...
Jul 07, 2022•19 min•Ep 221•Transcript available on Metacast A leader, often reticent to speak up on her own behalf, learns tools to help her ask for what she wants without worrying she’ll incite a battle. This month we’ve created another free PDF for you in our Tools bin . This one is to help you use video playback to achieve The Look & Sound of Leadership. This month’s episode is tagged in the Podcast Library in these three categories: Assertiveness Communication Skills Managing Yourself Related episodes you might listen to are: 188 Boundaries 164 C...
Jun 09, 2022•21 min•Ep 220•Transcript available on Metacast Kindness is killing a leader’s ability to set and hold effective boundaries. She works with her coach to find her voice and along the way discovers an empowering image about boundaries. We’ve put lots of free PDFs in our Tools bin to help you achieve The Look & Sound of Leadership. This episode is tagged in three categories in the Podcast Library : Assertiveness Managing Yourself Self-Talk Five related episodes you might listen to are: 216 7 Steps to Stop Emotional Hijacks 204 Blind Spots 18...
May 05, 2022•23 min•Ep 219•Transcript available on Metacast A worried leader seeks help finding balance between going with the flow and giving himself a larger voice. Visit our Tools bin for free PDFs to help you achieve The Look & Sound of Leadership. This episode is tagged in three categories in the Podcast Library : Assertiveness Managing Yourself Relationship Building Five related episodes you might listen to are: 21Eliminating Distractions 59 Focus in the Face of Distractions 30Self-Knowledge as Leadership 184 The Focused Executive 142 The Mindf...
Apr 07, 2022•20 min•Ep 218•Transcript available on Metacast A missed promotion prompts a leader to complain to her CEO. The CEO responds by getting her a coach, which results in explorations of authenticity, self-awareness and self-management. Visit our Tools bin for free PDFs to help you achieve The Look & Sound of Leadership. This episode is tagged in three categories in the Podcast Library : Managing Yourself Perception - How You Perceive Yourself Perception - How You’re Perceived Seven related episodes you might listen to are: #71 – Act “As If” #...
Mar 03, 2022•19 min•Ep 217•Transcript available on Metacast A leader, ashamed of hurtful words she spoke to a colleague, explores what happened with her coach. She learns seven techniques for keeping herself from future emotional hijacks. Download a free PDF about the seven steps to help you stop emotional hijacks here. This episode is tagged in five categories in the Podcast Library: Managing Yourself Perception - How You Perceive Yourself Perception - How You’re Perceived Personal Growth & Self-Development Self-Talk Seven related episodes you might...
Feb 03, 2022•17 min•Ep 216•Transcript available on Metacast A leader is given a presentation coach and two goals: ‘tell a better story’ and ‘be more responsive in the moment.’ This episode is the coaching conversation about the second goal: be responsive in the moment. This episode is tagged in four categories in the Podcast Library: Communication Skills Executive Presence Presentation Skills Self-Talk Six related episodes you might listen to are: #214 How to Turn Data Into Stories #160Prepping Like a TED Talker #157Talking Like a TED Talker #161Performi...
Jan 06, 2022•20 min•Ep 215•Transcript available on Metacast A leader is given a presentation coach and two goals: ‘tell a better story’ and ‘be more responsive in the moment.’ This episode is the coaching conversation about telling a better story. There are four tools in the episode: 1. Grab our list of questions [please link to the PDF] 2. Build a puzzle for your listeners 3. Create a hero in jeopardy 4. Work with a partner – cautiously! This episode is tagged in three categories in the Podcast Library: Communication Skills Executive Presence Presentati...
Dec 02, 2021•20 min•Ep 214•Transcript available on Metacast Worried that working remotely has disconnected her team, a leader asks her coach for help and learns a powerful tool. Being able to lead your team in growth exercises is a critical leadership skill. This episode is full of tips and guidance for strengthening that muscle. Tom strongly endorses the Liberating Structures website. Lots of amazing free resources there. He also recommends a conversation with Dave Stachowiak on Coaching for Leaders about “ How to Lead an Offsite .” This episode is tagg...
Nov 04, 2021•25 min•Ep 213•Transcript available on Metacast A no-nonsense leader is asked to add coaching to her list of duties. She turns to the coach who’d coached her for a quick immersion course. Coaching your people requires a shift in thinking and a specific set of behaviors. These ideas are captured in a PDF about the GROW model. It’s available to you for free here. This month we are offering three free mini-courses. Come join us! Demystifying Workplace Conflict Understanding Yourself and Others (DiSC) Get 15% off your registration with either of ...
Oct 07, 2021•23 min•Ep 212•Transcript available on Metacast Frustrated at not showing up the way she wants to, a leader, in conversation with her coach, explores ways to integrate her values into her behavior. To show up as more of whatever you want to be, ask yourself: What would be different if I were a little braver right now? What would a brave person do right now? What would I think, or what would I feel, if I were my bravest self right now? How is my self-talk helping how I show up? How is my self-talk holding me back in how I show up? (Substitute ...
Sep 02, 2021•24 min•Transcript available on Metacast In this episode, a leader feels she lacks courage. She engages her coach in a conversation about how to use self-awareness and self-management as tools to help her become a little bolder. The self-talk scripts discussed in this episode, plus the four-box process Tom described, are available to you in a PDF. You can request it in an email to Tom here or you can download the PDF here . Other resources mentioned in this episode: Last month’s episode connects (like Pop Beads!) to this episode: How t...
Aug 05, 2021•22 min•Ep 210•Transcript available on Metacast Self-awareness, like any muscle, can be built through discipline.In this episode, a leader learns two exercises to help build awareness of her thoughts and feelings. The two exercises discussed in this episode are detailed in a PDF that we’d love to send you. Send us an email and we’ll send back the PDF. The PDF also contains the Feeling Words Grid. Other resources mentioned in this episode: E.Q. Applied by Justin Bariso – a helpful, friendly book chock-full of exercises. Sort the episode librar...
Jul 01, 2021•26 min•Transcript available on Metacast A new leader worries about having to become a dictator in order to meet her goals. She and her coach explore the challenges inherent in trying to be a truly democratic leader. Core concepts in this episode: When pressured, many leaders revert to giving orders. People need time to feel safe speaking up to a new leader. A democratic leader doesn’t have to give everyone their way, just give everyone their say. When listening to ideas, just listen. Don’t fix or tweak or improve. The Essential Commun...
Jun 03, 2021•22 min•Transcript available on Metacast A leader, initially described to his coach as clueless, confronts a hard truth about himself. In the process, he gains a four-step tool to guide him through tough conversations. Core Concepts in this episode: To convey a tough message and maintain a positive relationship: 1. Start with a full-stop. Act, don’t RE-act. Identify why this conversation is important. 2. Express intention. Say why you’re having the conversation and what your concerns are. 3. Be clear. Be simple. Identify what you wish ...
May 06, 2021•26 min•Transcript available on Metacast This month’s coaching conversation explores ways to make feedback more palatable. The secret: sort the feedback you receive into three distinct categories. Many ideas in this episode and last month’s episode are explained more fully in the book: ‘Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well – even when it is off base, unfair, poorly delivered and, frankly, you’re not in the mood.’ ” Related episodes are: Unblocking Feedback (from last month) Don’t Take Anything Persona...
Apr 01, 2021•27 min•Transcript available on Metacast This month’s coaching conversation follows a client as he works to shrink his blind spot through feedback. He and Tom discuss lowering the barriers that stop us all from taking in feedback. In the episode Tom mentions “Thanks for the Feedback” by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen. Tom also mentioned the PDF showing The Johari Window. Related episodes are: Feedback Leadership Managing Yourself Perception – How You Perceive Yourself Five related episodes you might listen to are: Getting Good Feedback ...
Mar 04, 2021•22 min•Transcript available on Metacast This month’s coaching conversation features a leader too talented to lose but too troublesome to keep. Tom talks with him about blind spots and how he might reduce his. PDFs for you: The Johari Window Who’s Coachable Win an hour of free coaching with Tom. Complete our survey. The full archive is at: https://essentialcomm.com/podcast Related Archive Categories: Perception – How You Perceive Yourself Self-Talk Managing Yourself Personal Growth & Self-Development Related Episodes: Thinking Erro...
Feb 04, 2021•28 min•Transcript available on Metacast In this special episode, Tom tells a story of being onstage one night in front of a packed theatre audience when the show most definitely did NOT go on. He also shares the lesson he learned from that calamity — a lesson he has subsequently shared with the hundreds of leaders he’s coached who need confidence as presenters. The archive of all the past episodes is available at: http://essentialcomm.com/ podcast/ Subscribe to the HTML version at: https://essentialcomm.com/ subscribe/ Be in touch wit...
Jan 22, 2021•17 min•Transcript available on Metacast This month’s coaching conversation is between Tom and Courtney, another executive coach. What traits, they wonder, do effective executives share? If rising leaders wanted to reverse engineer what it means to be executives, what would they put in the mix? The five qualities Tom and Courtney identify are: Resilience -- get over hurts and setbacks Influence – build a natural reserve of strong relationships Organization – create lead-time and eliminate fire drills Scope – maintain the highest altitu...
Jan 14, 2021•27 min•Transcript available on Metacast This month’s coaching conversation features a newly promoted leader. He and Tom explore the tools needed to build a strong team quickly. Lots of links this month! At one point in the episode, Rafael mentions his impostor syndrome. For tools about impostor syndrome, check out: The Executive Impostor In the commentary, I mention two books: The Five Dysfunctions of a Team and Overcoming The Five Dysfunctions of a Team This is the field guide that will show you how to work with your team. Other rela...
Dec 10, 2020•19 min•Transcript available on Metacast Two dates: Monday, November 30, 2020 The survey closes. Complete four questions to be entered to win an hour of free coaching with Tom https://essentialcomm.com/survey Thursday, December 3, 2020 Registration closes for “Leveraging Your Strengths and the Strengths of Others.” After decades delivering courses for our corporate clients, we finally created a course for you. Register at: https://essentialcomm.com/disc The gift is a 60-second practice to help you be strong and resilient. Take care of ...
Nov 20, 2020•4 min•Transcript available on Metacast This month’s coaching conversation is about creating a script called ‘Style.’ The script helps make difficult conversations easier. Complete this month’s four-question survey and be entered to win an hour of free coaching with Tom. essentialcomm.com/survey Sign-up for a small-group, highly interactive Zoom course about the DiSC Behavioral Self-Assessment. This course is available to the first 12 people who sign up: essentialcomm.com/disc If the sign-up is closed when you go to the page, put your...
Nov 05, 2020•25 min•Transcript available on Metacast This month’s coaching conversation follows a leader who worries that he’s not very adept when it comes to creating personal connections. He and Tom explore two skills and one mindset that will help ease his way. Related episodes: Dynamic One-on-ones Facilitating Open Dialogue Inviting Dialogue Questions as Leadership The Human Element In the archive, this episode is tagged in three categories Relationship Building Social Skills Managing Yourself Help us build a better website for you. Complete o...
Oct 01, 2020•24 min•Transcript available on Metacast This month’s coaching conversation explores how leaders can foster psychological safety. Teams high in both safety and accountability enter a “Learning Zone” where high performance follows naturally. In this month’s conversation, Tom and his client mentioned “The Checklist Manifesto” by Atul Gawande. His proposition is a great formula for creating psychological safety. Related episodes are: Agreeable Disagreement Assertion versus Aggression “Don’t Take Anything Personally” Inviting Dialogue The ...
Sep 03, 2020•26 min•Transcript available on Metacast This month’s coaching conversation explores whether feedback should be given upwards in the first place. If so, are there ways to deliver upward feedback effectively? In the commentary, Tom tells a story about the famous Marshmallow Test being debunked. Here's the column he mentions: https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2018/06/marshmallow-test/561779/?utm_source=atl&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=share Related episodes are: Dealing With Emotional Responses Delivering Tough Fee...
Aug 06, 2020•21 min•Transcript available on Metacast This month’s coaching conversation follows a client exploring a surprising use for video, plus a game of imagination. The Marshmallow Test is explained in “ Self-Awareness & Self-Management ” Core Concepts in this episode: Video provides distance that can help break old patterns. Some people are highly agitated these days. Their agitation is not about you. Don’t take it personally. You might find yourself more annoyed than normal. Don’t act on it. RELATED ARCHIVE CATEGORIES Leading Teams Man...
Jul 09, 2020•22 min•Transcript available on Metacast This month’s coaching conversation wrestles with the obstacles that arise when you try listening to people who think out loud – often at great length! This month’s coaching conversation is wide-ranging. It includes a leader’s story about being buoyed by her team. She and Tom also swap answers to a favorite question of her team’s: “How’re ya coping?” They then explore managing stress through being present and intentional. Three questions to help you become present: What am I doing right now? What...
Jun 04, 2020•19 min•Transcript available on Metacast SHOWNOTES: This month’s coaching conversation is with a leader who wants to keep strong connections despite the quarantine. She and Tom explore the barriers that make connecting over video so difficult. Four essentials to attend to on video: Angle Lighting Background Sound From Tom to you: These difficult times can create a lot of fear. An antidote is to be curious. Curiosity is at the very heart of coaching. If I can help in anyway, let me know. Go to https://essentialcomm.com/contact/ and let ...
May 07, 2020•19 min•Transcript available on Metacast 
