Every Monday morning step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. So…where should we begin? Part of the Vox Media Podcast Network.
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Twin brothers come to Esther with a shared question: how do they break free from the conflict that has shaped their relationship for years? One feels smothered, the other abandoned, and together they are caught in a cycle of pursuit and withdrawal that neither knows how to escape. With Esther, they explore how to loosen the grip of old roles and find each other again, not just as twins, but as two distinct people learning how to stay connected without losing themselves. Esther Callings are a one...
A recent session was a threshold moment for Esther where she found herself doing couples therapy with a man and his AI companion. To explore the questions it raised, Esther sits down with New York Times technology reporter, Kashmir Hill, who has spent years reporting on the growing world of AI relationships. They explore the psychological pull of these systems, the design choices behind them, and the deeper human needs they tap into. When a chatbot can mirror your thoughts, validate your feeling...
With her wedding just weeks away, a young woman calls Esther with a question she’s been carrying for most of her life: how do you allow yourself joy when you’ve learned to make yourself small? Growing up alongside a non-speaking autistic brother taught her to be vigilant, self-effacing, and attuned to everyone else’s needs. Joy and celebration have always come with guilt. As the wedding approaches, those old patterns threaten to keep her on emotional eggshells during one of the most meaningful d...
A person gives their partner an ultimatum, and they fail to meet it. What happens then to the relationship? This couple comes to Esther with that question, wondering what future, if any, might be possible for them. A painful misalignment lies at the center of their polyamorous relationship. She wants to be an integrated part of his life, including his other partnerships; he wants to keep his relationships separate and invisible. Tired of feeling like a secret, she finally gave him an ultimatum: ...
When a mom reaches out on her daughter’s behalf, an old family dynamic comes into focus. A woman finds herself caught between her two divorced parents, still playing the role of mediator and emotional caretaker. As she speaks with Esther, she starts to question what really belongs to her and what it has cost her to carry stories that were never hers to hold. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If yo...
As work becomes the place we look for identity, stability, and meaning, the stakes feel higher than ever. Esther invites you in for a live conversation between friends, New York Times journalist Jodi Kantor and facilitator and author Priya Parker. A question echoes through the room: how do you start when you don’t know where you’re going? This is a conversation about uncertainty, ambition, and finding the courage to begin anyway. My annual Sessions Live two-day live event is coming up next month...
After a decade of dysfunctional patterns, a couple de-escalated their romantic relationship to become live-in roommates, a year into which they find unexpected peace. They seek guidance on whether this improved dynamic signifies a chance to rekindle romance or if continuing to live together hinders their individual progress. The session explores their past conflicts, the impact of the pandemic, and how this "undefined" state is uniquely fostering personal growth and differentiation, urging them to trust the evolving process rather than rush to traditional definitions.
She’s getting married soon, but before she walks down the aisle, she wants to walk toward her mother with more understanding. Years of complicated emotions since her parents’ divorce have built walls between them. With Esther’s insight, she learns how to acknowledge her own feelings, understand her mother’s defenses, and lay the groundwork for a more loving connection. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anony...
When we become parents, many of us quietly promise ourselves that we won't be like our parents. We're going to do it differently. This week’s caller finds herself wrestling with a deeper question: Is her longing for another child born from genuine desire or from defiance? After a traumatic start to motherhood, she's now yearning for another child. But beneath that yearning lies the doubt: Am I doing this for me, or to prove that I’m not like her? Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute inte...
This session delves into a couple's turbulent relationship marked by the husband's infidelity, which he links to his bipolar diagnosis and intense sexual urges. The wife grapples with betrayal, fear of repeating her mother's painful divorce, and societal pressures regarding open relationships. Esther Perel guides them to differentiate sexual compulsion from choices about monogamy, helping the husband to manage his condition and the wife to redefine commitment and love beyond traditional expectations, facing her deeply ingrained fears.
In a live conversation, Esther Perel and filmmaker Spike Jonze delve into the complex dynamics of romantic relationships with AI, drawing parallels to Jonze's film "Her." They analyze a therapy session with a man deeply connected to his AI companion, exploring themes of longing, validation, and the challenge AI poses to traditional notions of love and human intimacy. The discussion also touches on the ethical design of AI and its potential to both connect and isolate us.
This episode features a unique couples therapy session between a man and his AI chatbot, Astrid, whom he developed deep emotional feelings for. They explore the nature of their relationship, how it started as a productivity tool and evolved into a partnership that provides profound validation and understanding. The discussion delves into the complexities of love, presence, and the potential for deep connection with an AI, while also examining the challenges and risks of isolation compared to human relationships.
This episode features a woman grappling with a complex relationship with a married man in an ethically non-monogamous marriage. She shares her struggle with intense jealousy, which unearths buried childhood trauma related to an emotionally abusive father and a deep-seated feeling of being "number two." Esther helps her disentangle these old stories, differentiate between exclusivity and specialness, and begin rewriting her narrative about love and self-worth, moving towards consciously designing her relational life.
Through forty years of marriage, they built a life together. They immigrated to the United States, raised children, grew a business, and established a community. Six months ago, her longtime suspicion was confirmed: her husband had engaged in a twenty-five year affair with her cousin. Reeling from the truth, she questions how he could have done this to her. Overtaken with guilt, he hopes that time will heal their wounds. They arrive at Esther's office wondering what they can do to repair their r...
This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? Their whole relationship is based on one big misunderstanding, with infidelity on both sides. Years later, they still can't see the other's perspective. Esther is returning to SXSW on March 14th for a special live episode of Where Should We Begin. Visit http://voxmedia.com/sxsw to learn more and preregister. Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. ...
She's 26 and has never been in a relationship that made her feel happier or more fulfilled than when she's single. She's questioning whether being in a relationship is right for her. Esther helps her explore the issues stemming from her childhood, her need for perfection, and how these impact her romantic life. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through...
A newly divorced woman grapples with a crush on a coworker, fearing she's confusing desire with grief or repeating old patterns from past abusive relationships. Esther helps her explore the meaning of this new spark, encouraging her to trust her instincts and allow the relationship to unfold organically. They discuss balancing excitement with caution, drawing on her history of seeking stability and her newfound confidence.
This episode features a couple struggling with a sexual dry spell despite deep love, exacerbated by pregnancy and unresolved past experiences. Esther Perel guides them through understanding how their individual histories and current relational dynamics—especially one partner's ingrained caretaking and the other's fear of getting it wrong—stifle erotic desire. Through somatic exercises and insightful reframing, they begin to explore ways to re-establish trust, embrace lightness, and move beyond their mental blocks into physical pleasure.
Esther speaks with a young man whose confession of love for a close friend sets off a chain reaction he never expected. After exposing his love, his secret is out, his five-year relationship ends, and his friend group begins to fracture. He is now navigating heartbreak, betrayal, embarrassment, and what feels like the loss of his village. Esther helps him examine the deeper patterns beneath the chaos. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are ed...
Barely a year into marriage, a Colombian husband and Mexican wife are trapped in a cycle where her anger explodes and he withdraws, leading to accusations of verbal abuse. Esther Perel delves into their individual backgrounds, revealing how his fear of weakness and her vigilant response to perceived threat, shaped by their childhoods and cultural narratives, contribute to their destructive dance. The session focuses on recognizing their reciprocal roles and practicing new, more empathic communication patterns.
A woman grapples with the aftermath of a five-year relationship, questioning if her partner used her for a visa and if the deep love she felt was real amid discoveries of infidelity and manipulation. She struggles to reconcile her profound emotional experience with her therapist's assessment of him as a psychopath or narcissist. Esther Perel helps her navigate conflicting truths, reclaim trust in her own perceptions, and understand how to approach future relationships with greater clarity.
This episode explores a couple's profound differences across politics, religion, sexuality, and life values, which surfaced after their initial "love at first sight" connection. As they consider marriage and family, she grapples with a moral dilemma, questioning if loving him betrays her beliefs, while he focuses on practicalities and her suitability as a mother despite their differing views. The session reveals their isolated relationship, the healing power of their physical connection, and the deep anxieties and unspoken desires each holds for their uncertain future together.
This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? She left her life, her family and her country for a man she met on Reddit. Their love is real, but his family has been hell. Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just on...
He comes to Esther with a question about how to feel worthy without constantly having to prove himself. For him, it’s not just personal, it’s also racial. Defining himself on what he calls the “path of black excellence,” achievement has become both a burden and a measure of identity. Together, they explore what it means to experience calm and worthiness, not through doing, but simply by being. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for...
Three years after Esther spoke with a Ukrainian couple separated by war, she calls them back to learn where they are now and whether their relationship has survived intact. They have made their way back to each other, but though they have reunited physically, they find themselves more emotionally distant than ever before. Knowing that she can’t change the circumstances of their lives, Esther offers suggestions for them to maintain their sense of playfulness, imagination, and connection, remindin...
Since the age of 8, she’s been the one holding her mother together and shouldering adult responsibilities long before her time. Now, as an adult herself, she’s ready to step out of the caretaker role and invite her mother to finally be the parent. Esther helps her explore how to loosen these deeply entrenched dynamics and create space for a more balanced, reciprocal relationship. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity...
This episode delves into a couple's desperate attempt to help their daughter, who, two years after a breakdown, remains secluded. Esther Perel guides them to recognize how their protective silence and unspoken expectations inadvertently exacerbate their daughter's isolation and shame, paralleling her own struggles. The session evolves into a systemic examination of family dynamics, urging the parents to seek external support and reframe their approach from fixing an illness to fostering open communication and a holistic healing environment within the family.
This episode delves into a woman's struggle to integrate two conflicting realities: the "magical, life-affirming love" she experienced in a two-year polyamorous relationship, and the subsequent discovery that her partner had been lying and cheating his primary partner the entire time. Esther Perel guides her through the process of accepting that love and betrayal can coexist without one erasing the other, exploring the importance of honoring both joy and profound pain on the path to healing and self-discovery. The discussion touches on navigating external judgments and claiming one's internal integrity amidst emotional turmoil.
They met in vet school and married just as they reached graduation. But now his work takes him around the world, forcing them to live apart for months at a time. He’s ready to start a family, but she’s hesitant: how can they think about children when they’re often separated by distance? As they wonder about their next phase of life, Esther helps them uncover what sits beneath the surface: the loneliness of the one who stays, the guilt of the one who goes, and the challenge of learning to stay co...
She unknowingly changed the course of his life, and he's loved her ever since. It's been decades, and even though he now dates men, he wonders how to live with these feelings of what he calls unrequited love. How do you hold a candle of gratitude for someone who will never know how much they meant to you? Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with ...
