Every Monday morning step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. So…where should we begin? Part of the Vox Media Podcast Network.
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This week on Where Should We Begin we are sharing a very special episode of What Now? with Trevor Noah. Esther joins Trevor for a heartfelt conversation about the power of friendship. As Esther reflects on her childhood and the experiences that shaped her journey, the two explore how meaningful relationships help us grow—often through our challenges, humor, and even a little friction. From unexpected places like the laundromat to deep conversations with old friends, this episode invites us to co...
He's 42 and is in his first real relationship. And he's panicking. He's afraid he doesn't know how to be in a true romantic partnership. With Esther's help, he explores how his past has contributed to his fears of intimacy and abandonment. Topic: Dating & Romantic Consumerism Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo ...
A woman dating a Mexican man for four months describes his increasing possessiveness, particularly his demand that she delete contacts and unfollow ex-boyfriends. The conversation explores their cultural differences and mutual attraction. A shocking revelation about his existing marriage of convenience with a child significantly shifts the dynamic, highlighting the profound asymmetry and conditions within the relationship. Esther challenges the caller to confront the reality of the situation and her reasons for accepting it.
A single mother by choice explores her new identity and the challenges of dating within a traditional community. She discusses balancing her needs with motherhood, her changing criteria for a partner, and navigating internal voices of shame and external community expectations versus praise for her unconventional choices. The conversation delves into past relationship patterns, cultural stereotypes about men and marriage, and reclaiming her multi-faceted identity while embracing the freedom and responsibility of charting her own course.
Processing the fallout from a tumultuous relationship with a narcissistic partner who love-bombed her then became aggressive and manipulative, especially after her father's death. The caller explores her struggle to trust and bounce back, uncovering how her own patterns, family history, and friendship dynamics influenced the relationship and her healing journey.
Esther Perel sits down with three guests to explore their experiences with modern dating, covering everything from app usage and first date strategies to navigating expectations and dealing with fatigue. They discuss the challenges of finding genuine connection, the perceived transactional nature of app-based interactions, and the unique perspectives of dating at different life stages.
This is a classic session, from the second season of How's Work? From day one, they’ve described their relationship as “tumultuous," but there are highs as well as lows. One is new to the work force, the other is new to this particular work place. One manages the other. And while they like each other on a personal level, they clash over their fundamentally different approaches to getting the job done. Over the last few years, workplace culture has been transformed by remote work, inconsistent in...
In this episode, Esther Perel speaks with a woman grappling with the fallout of a broken relationship and the realization that her timeline for having a child is threatened. She explores feelings of anger, regret, and self-blame after her partner wavered on their agreed-upon plans for using frozen embryos. Esther offers guidance on grieving the loss of her envisioned future, broadening her perspective on family, and finding clarity amidst the emotional turmoil.
Esther explores the caller's difficulty in maintaining friendships, tracing it back to experiences in foster care and a fear of abandonment. They discuss how the caller's survival strategies, developed in childhood, now hinder her ability to form lasting connections. The conversation focuses on reframing perspectives and communicating needs to build healthier relationships with friends and family.
A mother seeks Esther's advice on managing conflicts between her husband and teenage daughter, where she feels stuck in the middle. They explore family dynamics, communication issues, and the mother's role as a peacemaker. Esther offers strategies for shifting the dynamic by focusing on the parents' relationship and individual responsibilities, rather than trying to fix the daughter's behavior.
In this episode of Where Should We Begin?, Esther Perel guides a couple struggling with polarized views on life, duty, pleasure, and differing sexual interests. The couple, both previously married, grapple with rigid definitions of themselves as 'Mr. Purpose' and 'Mrs. Frivolous,' leading to standoffs and emotional distance. Esther explores their backgrounds, fantasies, and unmet needs, aiming to soften their perspectives and foster a more balanced, fulfilling relationship.
Their relationship is on the edge. They're grappling with communication issues and the emotional scars from their past. And they're trapped. Trapped in an endless cycle of blame, defensiveness, and attack. Esther tries to help them notice their patterns of escalation and break the cycle they keep finding themselves in. Topic - Conflict & Polarization Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https...
A Southern preacher explores her fear of being "too much" or "not enough" in relationships, guided by Esther to uncover the root of these feelings. They delve into childhood experiences, the need to be needed, and the challenge of allowing oneself to be vulnerable and cared for. The conversation culminates in practical exercises for expressing needs and seeking feedback from loved ones, aiming for more authentic and reciprocal connections.
Esther Perel coaches a divorcée navigating co-parenting complexities and strained communication with her ex-husband and his new wife. They explore past traumas influencing current reactions, focusing on breaking negative cycles through changed behavior and seeking professional guidance for healing and better communication for the sake of the children.
In this episode, Esther Perel works with a couple on the brink of divorce, helping them to understand the underlying issues driving their disconnection. They explore how their focus on family has overshadowed their individual needs and relationship. The session uncovers deep-seated patterns from their childhoods that influence their behaviors and expectations in the marriage, offering a path towards reconnection and a new shared story.
We all know the difference between being alive and feeling alive. The state of the world has many of us struggling with threat and uncertainty, both of which immediately constrict our imagination and our ability to face the unknown with curiosity and discovery. Join Esther Perel for a live conversation on the Vox Media Podcast Stage at South By Southwest with futurist Amy Webb and innovation expert Frederik Pferdt as they discuss how the big changes of today will shape our relationships of tomor...
This episode of Where Should We Begin? features a young couple navigating the aftermath of multiple crises, including severe health issues and their impact on family dynamics. Esther Perel guides them through discussions on isolation, redefined roles, and the husband's anger impacting their children. The session focuses on creating new narratives, seeking support, and the importance of apology and behavioral change to save their marriage.
Esther speaks to a woman who has been estranged from her father for almost two years for reasons she can’t quite figure out. Despite multiple attempts on her end to reconcile, she is now trying to grieve the loss of her still very much-alive father. Esther helps her unravel questions about starting her own family amidst this painful cutoff. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question ...
Esther talks with a woman who is contemplating ending her five-year long-distance relationship. She reflects on avoidant behavior, stemming from a fear of intimacy and rejection, and the complex dynamics of her family background. Esther helps her confront these deeply rooted fears, encouraging her to vocalize her needs and to realize that not everything negative is about her. The conversation opens up pathways for the woman to seek closeness and be seen, ultimately aiming to break free from a li...
This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? After ten years, a husband tells his wife he no longer wishes to be married. A month later, stuck in limbo, they come to Esther. She helps them have an honest conversation about their expectations, desires, and the ways in which their role as parents has left little room for intimacy. Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel....
Sexual preferences demand a lot of trust, intimacy, and vulnerability in relationships. This week, Esther talks with a couple who are refreshingly open and honest about their fantasies. But after 15 years of marriage, his fetish is no longer her pleasure. Esther helps them uncover the underlying emotional needs driving their fantasies and encourages them to seek a broader and more emotionally connected sexual repertoire. Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations ...
They had a whirlwind romance, and he spun a tale of their future to come—marriage, kids, a life together. He's in his mid-forties, and she is in her late thirties, and so after only three months together, she is pregnant, and they have broken up. Now, Esther meets her the month after their breakup and tries to help her illuminate a path forward. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a ques...
Should we have tried harder to make this work? What if you're the one who got away? These are the questions that keep us up at night. This week, Esther helps a couple who were together for eight years and broke up a year ago. They've recently reconnected and wonder if they should give it another try. If they do, can they avoid falling into their old dynamics and truly learn to listen to each other? For the month of January, Esther is offering 20% off to join her Office Hours on Apple Podcasts. I...
For the first time in an Esther Calling, Esther speaks to the partner of the caller from last week to hear his perspective on the story. Then, she does a session with the two of them as they detail how they feel stuck in their sexual pattern, where he always initiates, but when he initiates, she freezes. They try to figure out where they can go from here. For the month of January, Esther is offering 20% off to join her Office Hours on Apple Podcasts. It's a place to continue conversations on imp...
This week, a caller wonders if she’s sexually compatible with her partner or if they’ve just become too adherent to their sexual patterns. Esther helps her untangle the traumatic pieces from her past before her current relationship that are informing the anxiety she feels when her partner initiates sex. This episode contains references to a sexual assault. Please take care listening. For the month of January, Esther is offering 20% off to join her Office Hours on Apple Podcasts. It's a place to ...
A young woman notices a pattern in her life of frequently being ghosted. And the last time this happened, it really stung. Not only did she lose a lover but she lost an important friend. Did this friend with benefits ghost her or did she miss something? For the month of January, Esther is offering 20% off to join her Office Hours on Apple Podcasts. It's a place to continue conversations on important topics like sexlessness, infidelity, or the perils of modern dating. It's also a place to follow ...
After becoming a mother for the first time, a young woman reflects on the complicated relationship with her own mother. Esther guides her through establishing boundaries with grace, breaking generational cycles, and the importance of self-acceptance. If you have an individual question you would like to talk through with Esther, please send a voice memo to [email protected]. If you would like to apply for a couples session with Esther, please click here: https://bit.ly/40fGHIU. Want to lea...
This episode contains discussions of a death by suicide. Please take care listening. Recently, on Where Should We Begin, we've been focusing on the things we sweep under the rug in our relationships—conversations that we have a hard time having with ourselves let alone with others. This week, Esther talks to a woman stricken with grief--one year ago, her sister and father died in quick succession. Her remaining family was torn apart and she feels left to pick up the pieces on her own. Esther wal...
Recently, on Where Should We Begin, we've been focusing on the things we sweep under the rug in our relationships—conversations that we have a hard time having with ourselves let alone with others. Oftentimes, our sexual fantasies exist in this space and reveal us at our most bare, showing us not just what we want sexually, but what we want emotionally and psychologically. Even with a loving partner, it can be difficult to share our most personal sexual fantasies. There's often shame, stigma, an...
A year after explosive revelations of cheating and the existence of a 14 year old son her partner never told her about, a woman receives a call about a fresh round of betrayal. She is humiliated and in crisis, while her partner’s ability to compartmentalize has rendered him a ghost in his own life. They love each other and parent two boys but may not be able to find a shared reality in which to move forward. If you have an individual question you would like to talk through with Esther, please se...
