Listener question: discipline, accountability and no self
Listener question: discipline, accountability and no self

Listener question: discipline, accountability and no self
Listener question: anger was always heavily sanctioned, and deemed very unfeminine. There was only room for being the good girl and that resulted in a lot of rebellion. (The rebel inside can be still strong at times 🤣) Later on my healing journey I learned that anger can signal where a boundary was crossed or violated. And that suppressed anger can be very damaging for the system and in my experience suppressed anger can lead to depression. At the same time i see the destructive force unbridled...
Listener question: I wonder if you could give me your thoughts about the following. I have become aware of my disproportionate sense of fear in 'perceived as threatening' situations. I first became aware of how extreme it was during my divorce when I felt terrified...I was experiencing Gaslighting from my ex husband who still lived in the house. It was horrible but the terror was disproportunate. Subsequent to this, the societal issues around the pandemic and an ongoing health scare seem to elic...
Listener question: To see what's being pointed to the mind needs to be settled and when one sees what's being pointed to the mind settles. It seems like a catch 22. I do question my mind, but somehow I'm doing it wrong, or hoping it will change things, or I don't really know. It's hard not to find the story believable when it almost always comes true. Sadly I'm feeling like this conversation may just not be for me at this time. I wish it were, and maybe it will be again.
Listener question: Thank you for the podcast which I’ve just listened to again. I’m still confused! How is it that you know there’s protection going on here? Is it because the reactions to my friend’s diagnosis and my Mother’s are different? Is there really one, undiluted response that we can have to all situations, events, relationships? Sounds a bit bland to me. Also, I don’t quite see that there’s a hierarchy of relatedness with family on the inside, then close friends etc. I can feel real co...
Listener question: Clare, I’m wondering if you might do a podcast on one of your common phrases, “it must begin here.” For example, if I am judging someone as, say, cruel, I must begin with me, here, and see all the ways that I am cruel. This is where my tricky little mind goes with that: “ok, so let me find all the times, past and present, in which I have been cruel. Well, now we just have two shitty people in the scenario. Two, cruel shitty people.” And then I don’t know where to go. The idea ...
Listener question: I just listened to the latest video and podcast that you sent out and feel somewhat clearer about this whole thing to do with our ‘shadow’ Basically my understanding is that whatever I see ‘out there’ is simply a reflection of what I have going on ‘in here’ So the only thing for me to do if I am having a reaction to something or someone is to look for where in myself I am not being my True Self…is that right? If so, can you help me see how this could possibly apply if I or som...
Listener question: I have stayed in this conversation, listening to your podcasts and am seeing more. However, I still get caught up in believing my perceived reality and there is an intense over identification with ‘self’ and the desperate need to protect it, for fear of being exposed and feeling vulnerable in the world. You probably cannot say, and it’s different for everyone, but what has made the difference for the person in the video you sent out? Has she just stuck at it? What has helped h...
Listener question: I found your website while reading “Real” and had a complex reaction to your talk about subliminal s. I thought it was brilliant to try to get past the intellect sentries to allow an opening as I think it is my feelings about my intellect that prevent me from seeing deeply. On the other hand, I met Syd Banks at the Hawaii lectures in 2001 and have listened extensively to him saying I shouldn’t need subliminal or psychological tools because I am sitting in mental health and I a...
Listener question: My husband had a primarily emotional affair with his HR director. The flirting started pretty much right when he met her, then 6 months later it ballooned into an actual affair (not sex but kissing) and then I found out and we hashed things out for 6 weeks and he stopped the affair for a couple weeks. Then he started it back up for another 3-4 months but just texting. Nothing physical. Finally, about 4 months ago he really ended it. And he is working really hard on us. Genuine...
Listener question: In recent months there has been more and more phases where I am overflowing with love towards nearly everyone in my life, uninhibited joy about life and aliveness. And then there are these phases of old familiar pain. Often I wake up with intense bitter and resentful feelings in my throat. The mind replays stories of people having been hateful and hurtful. The undercurrents of rage in my system are difficult to be with. When the self feels like that not the best decisions come...
Listener question: A pattern of conditioning has arisen for me a few times and I wonder if you could explore it on a podcast, please, if you had space? What is going on with “I’m ok, only if you’re ok” or “I’m not ok if you’re not ok”? I notice that when others are happy or settled or peaceful, then I’m ok. If they are sad, distressed, angry then I’m not ok. Although I have times where I can be very close and settled with feeling down, I continue to find it hard at times when someone else is low...
Listener question: I guess this is a ‘what is love?’ and ‘am I normal?’ question to which the answer is probably ‘who the hell is there to know one way or the other?’ but just out of curiosity:- My Mother has been diagnosed with what is probably terminal cancer; we’ll know the prognosis this week. Ours has been a strained relationship to say the least of it and, while we’ve got things on to a more or less amicable footing, there’s no real intimacy there, and therefore hardly any response inside ...
Listener question: Whilst I have seen so much since I first came across the 3p’s I still seem to get stuck in a few areas, below is one that I am struggling with at the moment. Firstly, I lost my mum quite suddenly and out of the blue a few months ago and so obviously I am still coming to terms with that and this understanding has helped so much. With the loss of my mum, the relationship with my dad has changed dramatically, he is in his late 70’s and although he is doing really really well look...
Listener question: I noticed that I have so much thinking around the topic of the menstrual cycle. On one hand I've got thinking about what society expects me to be like during a time of feeling vulnerable or feeling a lot of pain. On the other hand I've got a lot of ideas what it means to have pms. There seems to be this very fixed idea in me that it's just a rule that I would get horrible mood swings, pain and such strong uncontrollable emotions. To me it seems like a fixed reality that I just...
Listener question: How do we see tragedy in the light of this understanding? We lost a young family member in circumstances that ‘shouldn’t have happened’ that seem like huge misfortune. It is difficult for me to look at this from within this understanding as ‘part of our human experience’ as I see it as awful and wrong and how can we ever come to terms with that it was meant to happen. And how where was the wisdom in this young persons death. Sorry I know its a heavy one but whilst I get a lot ...
Listener question: Thank-you so much Clare for creating a podcast for this. I have listened to it three times and also our recording once over. I'm now in a weird place. I feel frantic that I have to change a lot of things in my life and don't know where to begin. I'm also confused as to why I've stayed with something that's creating unhappiness for so many years. I guess with the 3ps I thought it wasn't the job (outside in thinking) so for now I just need to sit with it I guess. I'm more scatte...
Listener question: Today a friend held me. Since a diagnosis of breast cancer in January, surgery at the beginning of March, such a lonely journey in COVID, I just kept going to provide for my family. And then today as my friend held me, I just broke down and sobbed, and cried my heart out. Like a floodgate opened. Is that wrong Clare, is that un-spiritual? Is that just a needy desperate self identity?
Listener question: I wonder if it would be possible to discuss what seems to going on for me just now. I seem to be doing well (better than in a long time) and then without notice I’m plunged into my greatest fears (plus some).... this has been going on for a few nights, is beyond uncomfortable and I would appreciate your thoughts. I’ve absolutely loved the Real course and have taken a lot from it. Thank you in anticipation xx
Listener question: I wonder if you could consider the following for a Listener Question on your podcasts? I realise virtually my whole life I have been a people pleaser. A learnt and essential approach growing up in my family. I can now see the destructive nature of being this way. I seem to follow a cycle of People Pleasing > Rejection > Victim > People Pleasing etc etc. How do I break this cycle and how do I simply be me? I would sincerely appreciate a little guidance with this Clare....
Listener question:should I act on my idea?
Listener question: hi Clare a relative of mine is a narcissist. It gets me down how much attention she demands all the time. I find it exhausting. How does that fit when we are talking about the self?
Listener question: what do you mean by back room?
Listener question: In the book WELL, at one point you have a phrase you often use about “giving itself up.” And by an objective reality giving itself up we see what’s real. Can you talk more about what this “giving itself up” is? Is there an example in your life when something “gave itself up”?
Listener question: I cannot see how events/conditioning have been put in place for the ultimate purpose of waking us up to what we are. What I understand is that life happens despite me and I do not create my reality. It seems more to me that life is an impersonal, spontaneous synchronicity of events. In other words, every event appears to have an ultimate reason or cause, but ultimately, no event is an absolute unto itself, ever. To say that events/conditioning etc. are put there for the purpos...
Listener question: Are Events Random? Is there such a thing as Cause and effect? Events have been “put there by the conditioned program of our mind.” Are you saying a “program” of conditioning created events, like COVID, to use your example, or am I not hearing correctly what you are saying? ….”so no randomness in the way anything appears and there entirely for the waking up to what we are.” I can see that how events and the ‘me’ are perceived/experienced are a function of the conditioning/belie...
Listener question: Can you say more about watching the behavior - not the self - witnessing the behavior ? You keep inviting us to inquire into what is happening in this behavior and in suffering. Feeling the sensations not as self. All I can see is just selfing, selfing, and more selfing - I thought this was the behavior. Brain creating a self as thought and then claiming something, rejecting something, trying to nail this thought of self to the floor. Suffering with each new storyline about th...
Listener question: what about injustice, discrimination and going out in the streets and fighting against oppression? Is that just a self that is caught in the narrative of feeling oppressed? Is there a self that searches for security that does not exist anyway?
Listener question : how to change other people's beliefs and behaviour?
Listener question: should I stay or should I go?