I had a grief nightmare last night that sent me on a quest to research them. In the podcast today I discuss what areas of the brain are active when we sleep that are involved in dreams and nightmares. Nightmares occur during REM sleep. We have about four cycles of REM sleep a night. The longer we sleep the longer the REM cycles last which results in more nightmares and dreams in the early mornings. Several things can cause nightmares such as stress, medical disorders, medications, and bereavemen...
Aug 13, 2023•25 min•Season 2Ep. 68
Any Google search on grief will display multiple types of grief, from the loss of a job to the break up of a relationship to the loss of a loved one. All these grief experiences are different, and we need to quit discussing them as if they are the same. In today's episode, I discuss all the reasons why the loss of a job is not similar to the loss of a child. My first reason is the physiological response after the loss of a child is significantly different than when you lose a job. The second rea...
Aug 06, 2023•26 min•Season 2Ep. 67
Validation is when you accept someone's emotions and experiences. How many times have you heard someone say "It's time to get over your grief?" This is an invalidation of your grief experience. There are messages everywhere about grief, and how people are to respond to grief especially when it comes to losing a child. Most of these messages are invalidating. Why do we care? Because when a person feels invalidated they question their reality and start thinking something is wrong with them. When t...
Jul 16, 2023•24 min•Season 2Ep. 67
I attended a family reunion for my father's 80th birthday party this week. I was excited to see family and spend time with them. I did not expect to have my grief triggered by being with family. I was naive about my own grief and grief triggers. I tend to feel my grief as physical symptoms therefore, I was more tired than usual which led to irritability. After my experience, I want to share some times in hopes you can avoid being triggered as I was. First of all, expect to be triggered. Second: ...
Jul 09, 2023•24 min•Season 2Ep. 66
How you grieve can be affected by your attachment style? An attachment style is related to how a person connects to their primary caregiver as an infant. There are four types of attachment. 1. secure 2. anxious 3. anxious-avoidant, 4. avoidant. John Bowlby, an attachment researcher, and theorist, wrote in his book Attachment and Loss that our attachment system becomes activated in our grief. We use our attachment system to cope with adversity and cope with our grief. Listen in as we discuss his ...
Jul 06, 2023•25 min•Season 1Ep. 66
Grieving is confusing. Your feelings are all mixed up into one ugly ball of pain. It can be challenging to move out of the emotional pain into acceptance. Many people believe that to remember their loved one they have to have pain. This is not the case. You can move to a place of acceptance of the grief and having grief be a significant part of your life without pain. When our love is great, so are our memories. When you find yourself feeling stuck in your grief, find ways to have a connection w...
Jun 25, 2023•28 min•Season 2Ep. 65
Kia, the wonder dog is getting ready to cross the Rainbow Bridge. She has been my best friend, supporter, and grief companion since Christopher died. His death anniversary is on June 19, 2023. As we approach that day, the nightmares increase, and so does my sadness. Kia has been the one who gets up with me at night when I can't sleep. As June 19, moves closer I wonder if she will make it to that day. She is 13 years old and lived a good life. I just wonder what I am going to do without her. I, a...
Jun 11, 2023•27 min•Season 2Ep. 63
I took the week off because Christopher's birthday was last week. I spent my time recharging and re-engaging in the grief talk. In today's episode, I discuss Complicated Grief Disorder. What are the symptoms and why they created this disorder in the first place? In all mental health treatment diagnosis drives payment and treatment. It used to be that insurance would not pay for grief counseling. Now, there is a disorder called Complicated Grief Disorder. I have some thoughts about this disorder ...
Jun 04, 2023•25 min•Season 1Ep. 64
May 27th, 2023 is Christopher's 37th birthday. It is the day I became a mother so many years ago. Now it is a day that brings both sadness and happiness. I am happy that I can remember Christopher and all the joy he brought to my life. But, I am also sad because he is dead. The nightmares have started as my brain tries to cope with the feelings that always run underneath my thoughts this time of year. I often wish I could see him as he would have been at 37 years old. How would he look? How woul...
May 21, 2023•29 min•Season 2Ep. 61
Listen to today's episode of Grieving Insomniacs. It has rained for the last five days here. I wonder if Mother Nature knows that the world is full of grieving mothers that will be crying tomorrow. In the episode, I discuss the family dynamics of being a grieving mother. Christopher was my first-born son and when he was born my family was created. When he died the feeling of being in a family died with him. My children had all left home and I was alone again. I have been isolated from my family ...
May 14, 2023•23 min•Season 2Ep. 60
In this episode of Grieving Insomniacs, we discuss Bereaved Mother's Day and Mother's Day. Do you wonder how you are going to cope with that day? Listen in as we discuss how to cope with our feelings and emotions surrounding the loss of our children. It is one of the most stressful holidays for a grieving mom. The first and most crucial coping technique is to take care of yourself. This may mean staying home alone or taking extra time to have a cup of coffee/tea before the day starts. Buy your o...
May 07, 2023•30 min
On today's episode of Grieving Insomniacs, I discuss how painful small talk can be while you are grieving. I used to be this outgoing person making friends everywhere I went before Christopher died. The most painful social interaction after he died was meeting new people, who asked within minutes of meeting you "How many children do you have?" I dislike this question so much. I will do almost anything to avoid it. I am not sure whether it is because I don't want to deal with their reactions when...
Apr 30, 2023•29 min•Season 2Ep. 58
On today's episode of Grieving Insomniacs, we interview Angie Hanson of Butterflies and Halos. Angie is a grieving mom and widower who lost her brother to cancer. All of these deaths occurred in a short amount of time. Angie became frustrated with the greeting cards currently available about grief. She had been looking for a way to give back to the grieving community. She found her purpose in creating grieving greeting cards. We talk about grief, including her favorite saying "Always better toge...
Apr 17, 2023•47 min
Meditate with me in this week's episode. I wrote this meditation years ago early on in my grief. I missed the physical feeling of Christopher so much. I missed his hugs. I missed where I fit into his shoulder when he hugged me. I missed the smell of him. It was an ache that was deep and unrelenting. This meditation helped me focus on a specific memory of him hugging me. Using all our senses we re-create the physical and emotional connection to our loved ones. Listen in and meditate with me. Biog...
Apr 02, 2023•27 min•Season 2Ep. 6
Today our podcast is about trust. Before my son died I moved through the world trusting that things would work out. That any problem that came my way could be solved. After Christopher died, I don't believe that anymore. I don't trust people. I don't trust that things will be okay. I plain don't trust in anything. This causes a problem though because I find myself isolated from people, events, and the world. I have not found a way to move beyond fear. I want to learn how to take a risk. In the p...
Mar 26, 2023•23 min•Season 2Ep. 55
On today's episode of Grieving Insomniacs, I discuss finding your pathway through grief. Your pathway is simply what you use to help you cope with your grief. The pathway consists of the tools you use to navigate. I used the following quote as a metaphor “And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person...
Mar 19, 2023•28 min•Season 2Ep. 3
The question I most frequently receive from listeners is how do I get signs from Christopher? The answer is a belief that I can and lots of practice. Several paranormal experiences shaped my belief system surrounding supernatural events as a young child. I was an avid reader throughout my life and fantasy has always been a top favorite. I was watching Ghost Adventures, and Ghost Hunters long before Christopher died. The morning after Christopher died I was googling how to see an orb. I made the ...
Mar 12, 2023•30 min•Season 2Ep. 2
It occurred to me this week that it is difficult to watch my son's friends move on with their lives when Christopher's life has ended. Christopher had a core group of friends that have gotten married, had children and moved on with their lives. This activated my grief again realizing that Christopher will never have these experiences. For those non-grievers out there it is critical that you understand that mourning what he didn't get to experience is as important as mourning him. I can not possi...
Mar 05, 2023•30 min•Season 2Ep. 1
Thank you, Thank you to everyone that listens to my podcast. I couldn't have done this year without you. There were many times I didn't feel like I was doing any good by recording, but then someone would reach out and say "your podcast helps me." That has always been my goal. I wanted to help people feel like they were not alone in their grief. Coping with grief is easier when a person feels understood in their community. We have created a community here in our corner of the internet. Thanks for...
Feb 26, 2023•28 min•Season 1Ep. 52
It's the year anniversary of Grieving Insomniacs on Feb 28, 2023. My first episode was published on 2/28/2022. To celebrate I am doing a giveaway of Beats Studio Buds. To enter the giveaway, please like my Instagram page Grieving Insomniacs and answer the question in the podcast. After listening to the podcast and answering the question, please send me a private message on Instagram saying done. I will draw a name from everyone that enters the giveaway and announce it on Feb. 28, 2023. In the po...
Feb 20, 2023•29 min•Season 1Ep. 49
This week I had a profoundly spiritual experience with my deceased son. Music has been my go-to for feeling expression when I didn't have the words or when I was in a place where I could not express my feelings. In the podcast, I go into detail about a bad day because a little bit more bearable through music. I have always believed that my son communicates with me through music. As I was listening to the music I could see him in my mind's eye supporting me. As you listen to this podcast, think a...
Feb 12, 2023•28 min•Season 1Ep. 48
There are elements of grief that we talk about that are considered acceptable such as missing our loved ones, or only memorializing the good memories of our loved ones. Then, the unacceptable parts of grief don't get talked about much. One of those inappropriate topics in grief is anger. My feelings were complicated because I could not accept that I was angry at my son for some of his choices that led to his death. I was angry at his choice to not allow the family to be around or to even talk to...
Feb 05, 2023•30 min•Season 1Ep. 48
In today's episode, I discuss the differences between Grief, Depression, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. At some point, a grieving mom might want to go to counseling. This podcast provides education and insight into how these three disorders differ from each other but are intertwined making diagnosis difficult. Why is diagnosis important? Diagnosis determines treatment and insurance reimbursement. Listen in as we talk about mental health and the various treatments available. Biography: I was...
Jan 22, 2023•29 min•Season 1Ep. 47
In today's episode, we have Trudie, Hannah's mother, discussing her experience with losing a child. Trudie tells her story about how she became a grieving mother and the different ways she copes with her grief. It has always been the goal of Grieving Insomniacs to normalize the conversations surrounding the death of our children. This was an opportunity to begin that conversation between two women with similar but different experiences and how a connection with another person can help with the g...
Jan 17, 2023•56 min•Season 1Ep. 47
It's 2023. Everywhere there are posts about new year's resolutions. As I read these posts, memes, and blog posts I began to think about what it means to start a new year for a person, who is grieving. A new year without our loved ones is not a positive thing. We want to hang on to the previous year. We can't possibly imagine another year without them. But time like everything else marches on with or without us. A new year for me means another six months of grief triggers. Another year of making ...
Jan 08, 2023•27 min•Season 1Ep. 48
In this episode, I talk about the quote " hold on to the love, not the loss". This quote is attributed to Eva Longoria. It came from a podcast where Eva Longoria talked about her divorce. This quote is posted often on different social media platforms and is applied to grief. I believe it is misapplied because going through a divorce and the death of a child or loved one is significantly different. During the episode, I discuss how to use discernment when reading grief quotes and grief informatio...
Jan 02, 2023•30 min
This week on Grieving Insomniacs we discuss how the body remembers our grief even when we don't want to. The connection between the mind, heart, and gut affects how we experience our grief and how we cope with our grief. Much of the information in this episode comes from the book The Body Keeps Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk M.D. According to Dr. Van Der Kolk our mind, gut, and heart are connected via the pneumogastric nerve. The pneumogastric nerve is involved in the expression and management of ...
Dec 27, 2022•30 min•Season 1Ep. 46
Losing a child is traumatic and the triggers from this trauma last a lifetime. Today, I discuss a significant trigger from my own grief experience that took me down the rabbit hole of grief last week. Not only did I get triggered but all the shame, guilt, and regret I had from Christopher's death was reexperienced all over again. Getting stuck in grief is a common problem that many people experience when they are grieving. My secret shame was a place where I got stuck for many years. Listen in a...
Dec 18, 2022•30 min•Season 1Ep. 46
Once you experience a traumatic loss such as the loss of a child, Christmas is never the same again. Part of our mourning process is mourning the traditions and experiences that won't be possible anymore without our beloved children. In today's episode, I discuss the current difficulties I am having with the Christmas Blues and ways that I try to cope with this difficult time of year. Listen in on your favorite podcast platform. We are available on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, and Spotify. P...
Dec 13, 2022•30 min•Season 1Ep. 47
Many of my podcast ideas come from my own experiences during the week. This week I spent a significant amount of time thinking about privilege. Privilege is when one group has an advantage over another group. Privilege is not having to worry about health issues because you have always been healthy. Privilege is never having experienced going hungry, being homeless, or not being cared for. Privilege is having your children still alive and walking the face of the earth. How would our cultural conv...
Dec 04, 2022•30 min•Season 1Ep. 31
