The holidays are always tough for grievers. We spend much of the day wearing a mask around people, then when we are alone feeling the loss of our loved ones acutely. Thanksgiving begins the holiday season. The holidays were never pleasant when I was growing up and grief has not helped that situation any. I have found unique ways to cope with my grief. One of them is believing that my son communicates with me through signs. In this episode, I talk about the concept of Recovering from Grief and wh...
Nov 27, 2022•30 min•Season 1Ep. 46
Signs from Christopher are an important part of coping with my grief about his death. I have seen and spoken with different people who say they do not have signs from their deceased loved one. When I hear someone say that I feel sad for them. There are three things that I believe get in the way of people receiving signs from a loved one. In the beginning, your grief is internalized within yourself. Your focus is on trying to cope with the pain of losing the loved one. During this time it is hard...
Nov 20, 2022•33 min•Season 1Ep. 45
It has taken 11 years to be able to talk about the first Thanksgiving after my son died without crying. Every year around the first of November the anxiety and stress surrounding whether I will be alone for the holiday. For some reason, Thanksgiving is the worst holiday for me and my grief. Thanksgiving was my first real experience with the abandonment of family while I was grieving. I thought I was the only one until I started attending support groups for mothers that have lost children. I real...
Nov 13, 2022•37 min•Season 1Ep. 31
A listener reached out and told me the following story. Her mother-in-law died two years ago. The mother-in-law's sister reached out on her sister's birthday to complain about how the life insurance policy was divided between the children. This conflict with her mother-in-law's sister devastated her. She was upset because it had been two years. How come it came to a head now? Listen in as we discuss how come this might have happened. Biography: I was living the average life. I was married with t...
Nov 06, 2022•28 min•Season 1Ep. 30
Today starts the grieving holiday season when you have lost a child. Whether it is an adult child or a younger child, the memories will burn your throat and cause waves of grief. Today's episode is a short Happy Halloween because as per usual when my grief is activated I don't feel well. Most importantly take care of yourself tomorrow. The Grieving Insomaniacs Podcast is available on Anchor, Google Podcasts, Apple Podcast, and Spotify. Bio: I was living the average life. I was married with two c...
Oct 30, 2022•12 min
Anxiety after the loss of a child is significantly different from other types of anxiety. Many people including myself report an increase in fear or anxiety related to losing another living child. This anxiety can present in racing thoughts when separated from the living child. This anxiety can present in physical symptoms such as a racing heart, heart palpitations, and nightmares. Listen in as we discuss the DMV criteria for an anxiety disorder, and how anxiety after child loss doesn't quite me...
Oct 23, 2022•30 min•Season 1Ep. 30
In today's episode, I discuss how grief destroyed my relationship with my extended family. Before my son died I would have told you I had a close-knit family. That we were really close and my cousins were like sisters. When my son died my family disappeared from my life increasing the isolation I felt. I have asked myself over and over again over the years if I was the reason why they never called or texted me. Was my grief too much for them? Or was it them? Were they always cold and unfeeling t...
Oct 23, 2022•30 min•Season 1Ep. 30
In today's episode, I talk about how conversations about death directly impact our ability to grieve. Over the last few months, I have learned that being able to talk about death is imperative if you want to help someone with their grief. Many professionals avoid talking about death, therefore, they avoid talking about grief. This leaves many grievers including myself alone in their mourning. Mourning needs companionship from people who have experienced what they experienced. How comfortable are...
Oct 09, 2022•30 min•Season 1Ep. 29
Today we discuss the importance of changing the cultural conversation surrounding the loss of a child. Once again I had the not unique experience of telling another person that I had lost a child. All conversation stopped. I am used to this response but why should I be used to it? As a community, we can change our society by telling our stories about our grief. Listen in as I discuss how to do this. If you would like to come on my podcast and share your story reach out to my Instagram, Facebook,...
Oct 02, 2022•19 min•Season 1Ep. 29
On today's episode of Grieving Insomanics a podcast about grief, I discuss happiness. Is it possible for someone to be happy after the loss of a child? What happens when a grieving mother does not feel that they are allowed to be happy because their child died? Our society expects perfection from mothers. Any mistake on the part of the mother and the mother is judged immediately and harshly. This is true in grief. Grieving mothers are told we grieve too much or we don't grieve enough. There is n...
Sep 25, 2022•28 min•Season 1Ep. 28
This week was an awful week. My family had a health-related emergency of one of our family members that took me down the spiral into my grief. Spinning out of control the fear and anxiety binds your throat and cripples the mind. I overshared at work about grief. I felt vulnerable and afraid of their judgment. I tried to call my dead son. I had that phone in my hand looking for the number before I realized he was dead. That was only day 1 of the awful week. I spiraled all day Thursday holding in ...
Sep 18, 2022•28 min•Season 1Ep. 28
21 years ago the United States witnessed the fall of the twin towers in New York City. As a nation, we were grieving the loss of life that occurred during this event. For years afterward on 09/11 memorials were held for the families that lost loved ones. Tributes were created. This outpouring of grief changed the grief culture in America. Even in the 11 years since my son died, I have seen grief becoming more normalized. In 2011 I did not see the outpouring of grief on Facebook. It is only in re...
Sep 11, 2022•31 min•Season 1Ep. 27
Today's episode is about mourning who we once were before death robbed us of our children. When my son died I did not realize that parts of me would die that day too. They were parts of myself that I valued, and appreciated. Over the years I have been angry about it, frustrated about it, and have now moved into acceptance of losing myself. I recently realized that I need to mourn myself too. The me I once was is never coming back. The me I am now is valuable but not the same. I talk about the pr...
Sep 04, 2022•28 min•Season 1Ep. 27
Two weeks ago I was lucky enough to go to the Pacific Northwest. It was an amazing trip. I swear there was something magical in the air where I was at. Of course, I said that out loud to my peers. Often times I am not aware that some of the things that I say set me apart as being "different" until I say it. This was one of those times. During this trip, I met some new friends. As we went through the get to know you phase of a new friendship, I experienced a feeling of extreme fear. For the first...
Aug 28, 2022•36 min•Season 1Ep. 26
Today's grief episode was inspired by a fellow grieving mom that is experiencing an angelversary. She requested that the podcast be about anniversaries in grief. As I thought about her request, I realized I had not talked about grief anniversaries. These dates are ones that have special meaning for the griever. These dates can be birthdays, the date of death, or the beginning of the illness that killed them. We all cope with anniversaries in different ways. Some of the tools we use to cope are s...
Aug 21, 2022•28 min•Season 1Ep. 25
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross is known throughout the grieving community as the founder of the five stages of grief. Did you know that she actually never intended for her research to be about grief? Her book on Death and Dying was written after conducting interviews with terminally ill patients while she was working at the University of Chicago. She discussed the stages of dying not the stages of grief. Her research has been misapplied to grief for over 4 decades. These stages of grief have now become a...
Aug 14, 2022•30 min•Season 1Ep. 24
Today's episode was inspired by my husband, who asked me to talk about why families fight after the funeral over material items. This happened when my son died, and when my husband's parents died. I did some research on Google Scholar and found articles about how our clothing defines who we are. Often times identification with different groups and different decades can be done purely by looking at what someone is wearing. The same can be said about the type of house someone lives in, the type of...
Aug 14, 2022•28 min•Season 1Ep. 23
Grieving Insomanics is a podcast about grief. Today we are discussing the medical profession and how they get it wrong about grief. During a medical visit, I was told that I needed to "put my grief down for a little bit" The assumption being that I would feel better not working with grieving parents, or recording my podcasts. I literally laughed in her face. She clearly does not understand grief or the loss of a child. Today, I talk about the unrealistic expectations of non-grievers when it come...
Jul 31, 2022•26 min•Season 1Ep. 22
Grieving Insomanics a podcast about grief. Join us today as we discuss mediumship. Mediums or psychic mediums as they might be called have the ability to communicate with deceased individuals. If you are considering hiring one in an attempt to communicate with your deceased child, there is some information you need to know. You must practice discernment and be open to the information provided. You can not go to a psychic medium and have expectations about what you want to hear. Want to learn mor...
Jul 24, 2022•28 min•Season 1Ep. 21
Nothing makes you question your faith more than the loss of a child. The spiritual crisis that accompanies the death of a child takes many different forms for different people. Some people can turn towards their faith and find support in the fellowship of their various religions. Others like Cristi do not find that support. It is during this darkest time that the burning question "why me?" can become overwhelming. Cristi describes her journey through this crisis of faith and how she came through...
Jul 17, 2022•30 min•Season 1Ep. 20
Today Cristi talks about healing from grief. What does it look like and how do you know you are healing. She offers two definitions of healing. Using these definitions she walks the listener through why there needs to be another word for healing when it comes to grief. Healing implies that somehow a person will be made whole after some intervention. Cristi maintains that the only way to become whole again after the loss of the child is to have the child returned to earth. This is not going to ha...
Jul 11, 2022•35 min•Season 1Ep. 19
Today's episode is about the lessons I learned from my dog dying last night. I learned that my grief is compartmentalized so well that I can experience two competing emotions at the same time. As the memories of my son's death flooded my mind I was trying to be present for my dog as he passed away. It is in these moments that I learn that grief will be my permanent companion for the rest of my life. It is always there and always present. It is the single most critical thing that non-grievers nee...
Jul 03, 2022•27 min•Season 1Ep. 18
In this episode, Cristi talks about mental health and grieving. She talks about how in many cases mental health professionals fail grieving mothers in helping them through the grief. She talks about being a mental health professional and experiencing grief. It is the duality of being a griever and mental health professional that gives Cristi a unique perspective of the intersection between grief and mental health. Listen in as she describes the mistakes that many mental health professionals make...
Jun 26, 2022•27 min•Season 1Ep. 17
In this episode, Cristi discusses the loss of physical health that has occurred after the loss of her child. She discusses her experiences with physicians and their lack of understanding of the connection between the physical, emotional, and spiritual loss that occurs with the death of a child. Cristi believes that there is an energy exchange between the mother and child that exists from the time of conception. This energy exchange fuels "mother's intuition" and allows the mother to have an extr...
Jun 20, 2022•30 min•Season 1Ep. 16
Secondary losses are a seldom understood aspect of grief. These secondary losses often come as a surprise to both the person experiencing the loss and the people around them. Secondary losses in child loss can include the loss of family, the loss of friends, the loss of physical health, and the loss of mental health. Today, Cristi tells her story about her secondary losses. This is the first episode discussing the loss of family and friends. Cristi describes how she learned through journaling an...
Jun 16, 2022•35 min•Season 1Ep. 15
Grief is not something that can be ignored. Grieving people need to talk about their loved ones. Grieving Insomiancs is a podcast that normalizes the experiences of grieving mothers and provides a platform for their stories to be told. It is the mission of the podcast to provide grieving mothers everywhere a safe, sacred space where their grief is accepted. It is through the podcast that the culture of silence that surrounds the grief of the mother will be dismantled, and a culture of support wi...
Jun 05, 2022•19 min•Season 1Ep. 14
This is the second part of the interview with Matt's mom. Her message to all of the grieving parents out there is that support for each other is critically important while on this journey. We also discussed the importance of support for grieving fathers. Thanks again @mattsmom for being willing to come on the podcast and talk about her experiences on the grief journey. Grieving Insomniacs is a podcast about grief, particularly the grief surrounding the loss of a child. We discuss the reality of ...
May 30, 2022•34 min•Season 1Ep. 13
Today on our podcast we interview Matt's mom. I met Matt's mom when she reached out to me on Instagram on a post that I had created when I was missing my son. She is truly an inspiration to others as she travels her own grief journey she offers support to other's along the way. This is the first of a two part interview. We started talking and found that we had many similar experiences in our grief journey. It is my hope that other's who might be listening finding the same kind of support and sha...
May 22, 2022•37 min•Season 1Ep. 12
Anniversaries dates such as birthdays, death days, and holidays can trigger nightmares. Listen in as we discuss nightmares in grief. Your host Cristi Habermann discusses nightmares and what it is like waking up every morning realizing that her nightmare has come true. A common nightmare for parents is dreaming that their child died. Try to imagine what it is like waking up every morning and knowing that your nightmare came true. Cristi discusses Edgar Cayce and his use of dreams to make psychic ...
May 15, 2022•29 min•Season 1Ep. 11
Ritual is an important part of grief. The funeral is a ritual. A wake is a ritual. Did you know that you can cope with grief using ritual. Today, on Grieving Insomanics we talk about creating rituals that help us express our grief. When using ritual before use intention and infuse each element with the love and care that you would express to your loved one if they were alive. Leave me a message at https://anchor.fm/grievinginsomniacs/message. Let me know what rituals you use to honor your loved ...
May 08, 2022•25 min•Season 1Ep. 10
