The Early Thing

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Episodes

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The Early Thing

Do you ever get the feeling that nothing matters and you are pointless? Good! So do I, But I bet you don’t scream at girls on Instagram in your car at 3 am like I do. This podcast is for self-improvement. I say this because after listening to a full-grown adult scream about Tik Tok alone in his car at 3 am, you WILL feel better about your life choices. I'm here to get you through your day, one rant at a time. Welcome to "The Early Thing"

Episodes

Snuggles With Men | The Early Thing #48

PLEASE RATE THIS PODCAST ON SPOTIFY AND APPLE podcasts AND PLEASE SHARE WITH YOUR FRIENDS PLS PLS PLS _______________________________ Check out “The Early Thing” on Apple Podcasts (and please rate/review if you enjoyed): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-early-thing-w-conall-lynch/id1492310873?ign-mpt=uo%3D4 _______________________________ Check out “The Early Thing” on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4IfMFW2bPFUaMoXgMJVfFw _______________________________ The Early Thing starring ...

Feb 16, 2024•13 min•Ep 48•Transcript available on Metacast

Self Hickey Machine | The Early Thing #47

PLEASE RATE THIS PODCAST ON SPOTIFY AND APPLE MUSIC AND PLEASE SHARE WITH YOUR FRIENDS PLS PLS PLS _______________________________ Check out “The Early Thing” on Apple Podcasts (and please rate/review if you enjoyed): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-early-thing-w-conall-lynch/id1492310873?ign-mpt=uo%3D4 _______________________________ Check out “The Early Thing” on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4IfMFW2bPFUaMoXgMJVfFw _______________________________ The Early Thing starring Con...

Feb 08, 2024•13 min•Ep 47•Transcript available on Metacast

Cuntown | The Early Thing #46

Why doesn't my mom like me now? PLEASE RATE THIS PODCAST ON SPOTIFY AND APPLE MUSIC AND PLEASE SHARE WITH YOUR FRIENDS PLS PLS PLS _______________________________ Check out “The Early Thing” on Apple Podcasts (and please rate/review if you enjoyed): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-early-thing-w-conall-lynch/id1492310873?ign-mpt=uo%3D4 _______________________________ Check out “The Early Thing” on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4IfMFW2bPFUaMoXgMJVfFw ________________________...

Feb 02, 2024•18 min•Transcript available on Metacast

Let's Chop Cats | The Early Thing #45

This morning, the sad man yells at kitten videos which are like so hectin cute i mean how is this dummy so mad at it like seriously get with the program/ He got a long time of catching up but I think he's still got it. This episode was recorded idk like 2 years ago _______________________________ Check out “The Early Thing” on Apple Podcasts (and please rate/review if you enjoyed): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-early-thing-w-conall-lynch/id1492310873?ign-mpt=uo%3D4 ______________...

Jan 23, 2024•13 min•Ep 45•Transcript available on Metacast

Dangerous Frat Bros | The Early Thing #44

This morning, the sad man is back! He got a long time of catching up but I think he's still got it. This episode was recorded idk like 2 years ago _______________________________ Check out “The Early Thing” on Apple Podcasts (and please rate/review if you enjoyed): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-early-thing-w-conall-lynch/id1492310873?ign-mpt=uo%3D4 _______________________________ Check out “The Early Thing” on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4IfMFW2bPFUaMoXgMJVfFw ____________...

Jan 18, 2024•23 min•Ep 44•Transcript available on Metacast

Amy Schumer Is Disgusting Ft. Archibald Eagle | The Early Thing #43

This morning, the sad man is back! He got a friend on it too, but I think he's still got it. I’m on social media! Follow for free lasagna recipes and helpful advice for dumping your Aunt: Instagram: @conall_lynch15 - https://www.instagram.com/conall_lynch15/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheEarlyThing Snapchat: conalllynch15 _______________________________ Check out “The Early Thing” on Apple Podcasts (and please rate/review if you enjoyed): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-early-thing-w...

Aug 05, 2020•12 min•Ep 43•Transcript available on Metacast

One Month Matters | The Early Thing #42

Show some support for the Black Lives Matter movement by signing this petition for the unjust killing of Breonna Taylor, or by donating in any amount possible. Sign to support: https://act.colorofchange.org/sign/justiceforbre-breonna-taylor-officers-fired/?source=ab_searchads&gclid=CjwKCAjw_qb3BRAVEiwAvwq6VnJfwL5F-b_1uHG2cxMj2a8sGSyFfE6HRirOncsS_jOgxuEcGWE4dRoCu_EQAvD_BwE This morning, the sad man is back! He may be a little rusty, but I think he's still got it. I’m on social media! Follow f...

Jun 17, 2020•15 min•Ep 42•Transcript available on Metacast

A Very Special Guest! | The Early Thing #41

This morning, Philip Seymour Hoffman, no relation, stops by to share his opinions on many things. He is totally a real person so everything he says is totally real and allowed to be criticized. I’m on social media! Follow for free lasagna recipes and helpful advice for dumping your Aunt: Instagram: @conall_lynch15 - https://www.instagram.com/conall_lynch15/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheEarlyThing Snapchat: conalllynch15 _______________________________ Check out “The Early Thing” on Apple Podc...

May 18, 2020•12 min•Transcript available on Metacast

The "Heroes" of Coronavirus | The Early Thing #40

This morning, the sad man is back at it with good audio and angry thoughts. These so-called “heroes” of Coronavirus are nothing but a joke. I’m on social media! Follow for free lasagna recipes and helpful advice for dumping your Aunt: Instagram: @conall_lynch15 - https://www.instagram.com/conall_lynch15/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheEarlyThing Snapchat: conalllynch15 _______________________________ Check out “The Early Thing” on Apple Podcasts (and please rate/review if you enjoyed): https://...

May 11, 2020•20 min•Ep 40•Transcript available on Metacast

Judge Judy Thinks I'm Soft | The Early Thing #39

This morning, the sad man is in a car and probably the angriest he’s ever been. His sister took his headphones without asking so he ran away because he’s a little kid. What a big meanie. I’m on social media! Follow for free lasagna recipes and helpful advice for dumping your Aunt: Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheEarlyThing Instagram: @conall_lynch15 - https://www.instagram.com/conall_lynch15/ Snapchat: conalllynch15 _______________________________ Check out “The Early Thing” on Apple Podcasts (a...

Apr 27, 2020•33 min•Ep 39•Transcript available on Metacast

Polite Macaroni | The Early Thing #38

This morning, the sad man is just casually talking and not really that angry which is strange. Very good mic quality for the foreseeable future which can be really cool. I’m on twitter! Follow for free lasagna recipes and helpful advice for dumping your Aunt: https://twitter.com/TheEarlyThing _______________________________ Check out “The Early Thing” on Apple Podcasts (and please rate/review if you enjoyed): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-early-thing-w-conall-lynch/id1492310873?ign-m...

Apr 18, 2020•14 min•Ep 38•Transcript available on Metacast

Middle School Nazis | The Early Thing #37

This morning, the sad man is sick of the quarantine and hates seeing people out and about trying to wave to him. He also hates people who don’t curse because I mean idk what the hell. I’m on twitter! Follow for free lasagna recipes and helpful advice for dumping your Aunt: https://twitter.com/TheEarlyThing _______________________________ Check out “The Early Thing” on Apple Podcasts (and please rate/review if you enjoyed): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-early-thing-w-conall-lynch/id14...

Apr 13, 2020•14 min•Ep 37•Transcript available on Metacast

Bernie Sanders Throwback | The Early Thing #36

This morning, the sad man is angry at survival tools, shampoo, and Bernie sanders. It seems so interesting. I’m on twitter! Follow for free lasagna recipes and helpful advice for dumping your Aunt: https://twitter.com/TheEarlyThing _______________________________ Check out “The Early Thing” on Apple Podcasts (and please rate/review if you enjoyed): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-early-thing-w-conall-lynch/id1492310873?ign-mpt=uo%3D4 _______________________________ Check out “The Early...

Apr 10, 2020•13 min•Ep 36•Transcript available on Metacast

A Very Driven Podcast #1: Bandwagoning

This morning, the sad man shares an old podcast he did by himself before this one even existed. There are 10 of them so who knows how or when but at some point they will be released. I’m on twitter! Follow for free lasagna recipes and helpful advice for dumping your Aunt: https://twitter.com/TheEarlyThing _______________________________ Check out “The Early Thing” on Apple Podcasts (and please rate/review if you enjoyed): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-early-thing-w-conall-lynch/id149...

Apr 06, 2020•42 min•Transcript available on Metacast

The Father, Son, and Social Media | The Early Thing #35

This morning, the sad man yells at his father for just trying to be a good dad. He also gets personal about his family life which obviously only is a good thing. Social media is also an issue again and is just insane. I’m on twitter! Follow for free lasagna recipes and helpful advice for dumping your Aunt: https://twitter.com/TheEarlyThing _______________________________ Check out “The Early Thing” on Apple Podcasts (and please rate/review if you enjoyed): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/t...

Apr 03, 2020•18 min•Ep 35•Transcript available on Metacast

I'm Biracial | The Early Thing #34

This morning, the sad man yells at people who have more friends than him and rap music. He also does some impressions so get those waves of laughter out cause he is on fire. I’m on twitter! Follow for free lasagna recipes and helpful advice for dumping your Aunt: https://twitter.com/TheEarlyThing _______________________________ Check out “The Early Thing” on Apple Podcasts (and please rate/review if you enjoyed): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-early-thing-w-conall-lynch/id1492310873?i...

Mar 31, 2020•15 min•Ep 34•Transcript available on Metacast

Christian Dumpster | The Early Thing #33

This morning, the sad man yells at his car and people who think they can fix cars. He thinks terrible things and says words that should never be said in a church parking lot, but hey… who cares. He also cracks himself up like twice because of some stupid thing that he said. I’m on twitter! Follow for free lasagna recipes and helpful advice for dumping your Aunt: https://twitter.com/TheEarlyThing _______________________________ Check out “The Early Thing” on Apple Podcasts (and please rate/review...

Mar 27, 2020•14 min•Ep 33•Transcript available on Metacast

A Solid Slap #METOO | The Early Thing #32

This morning, the sad man yells at his brother for somehow getting away with harassment. Notice how I didn’t say sexual harassment because it was to his sister so that would be weird. Or hot. Who am I to judge you can like what you want. He also yells at his dad for buying a pointless speaker and at people who are traveling during this outbreak. What a bunch of losers. I’m on twitter! Follow for free lasagna recipes and helpful advice for dumping your Aunt: https://twitter.com/TheEarlyThing ____...

Mar 24, 2020•13 min•Ep 32•Transcript available on Metacast

Haircut 3: Hairmageddon | The Early Thing #31

This morning, the sad man yells about yet another haircut he got that was far from adequate. He also yells at unwritten bathroom rules that make no sense and should be changed because girls 100% fart and poop. Follow twitter to see the evidence of the shitty haircut and stay crunchy. I’m on twitter! Follow for free lasagna recipes and helpful advice for dumping your Aunt: https://twitter.com/TheEarlyThing _______________________________ Check out “The Early Thing” on Apple Podcasts (and please r...

Mar 20, 2020•18 min•Ep 31•Transcript available on Metacast

Kanye Sucks | The Early Thing #30

This morning, the sad man yells about alcoholism and the rap music. I don’t think he’s an alcoholic, but some evidence from friends might prove otherwise. Anyway, this idiot made it to 30 episodes!! that's pretty amazing so how bout celebrating with Conall by supporting the podcast. The lowest tier is just 1 dollar a month that's not so bad. I’m on twitter! Follow for free lasagna recipes and helpful advice for dumping your Aunt: https://twitter.com/TheEarlyThing _______________________________ ...

Mar 16, 2020•16 min•Ep 30•Transcript available on Metacast

Porn | The Early Thing #29

This morning, the sad man yells about one of mankind’s greatest inventions, porn. Listen to his stupid stories of how he jerked off a lot and was never technically “caught”. I’m on twitter! Follow for free lasagna recipes and helpful advice for dumping your Aunt: https://twitter.com/TheEarlyThing _______________________________ Check out “The Early Thing” on Apple Podcasts (and please rate/review if you enjoyed): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-early-thing-w-conall-lynch/id1492310873?i...

Mar 13, 2020•15 min•Ep 29•Transcript available on Metacast

Put a Woman Up There! | The Early Thing #28

This morning, the sad man yells about Coronavirus and airport security. He also gets political for the first time ever live on the air! If you disagree with any of the opinions mentioned in today's episode, feel free to write down your thoughts on a piece of paper and shove it down your grandmother's throat. Have a nice day. I’m on twitter! Follow for free lasagna recipes and helpful advice for dumping your Aunt: https://twitter.com/TheEarlyThing _______________________________ Check out “The Ea...

Mar 09, 2020•14 min•Ep 28•Transcript available on Metacast

Let's Be Losers Together | The Early Thing #27

This morning, the sad man yells about cold weather and people who tried to get him to be cool in middle school. They were honestly probably just trying to be friends with him, but I guess he started getting that defensive at such a young age. Apologies for the horrible audio he sucks ass. I’m on twitter! Follow for free lasagna recipes and helpful advice for dumping your Aunt: https://twitter.com/TheEarlyThing _______________________________ Check out “The Early Thing” on Apple Podcasts (and ple...

Mar 06, 2020•13 min•Ep 27•Transcript available on Metacast

Down Syndrome Wrestling | The Early Thing #26

This morning, the sad man yells about how down syndrome wrestling matches work. I’m sure there's a simple answer but this idiot has no idea and would probably prefer to just continue to make fun of it because he is a big meanie. I’m on twitter! Follow for free lasagna recipes and helpful advice for dumping your Aunt: https://twitter.com/TheEarlyThing _______________________________ Check out “The Early Thing” on Apple Podcasts (and please rate/review if you enjoyed): https://podcasts.apple.com/u...

Mar 02, 2020•16 min•Ep 26•Transcript available on Metacast

I Don't Care About Your Birthday | The Early Thing #25

This morning, the sad man yells about Facebook and birthdays. He really seems to not be happy about most things. Show him that you care by supporting the podcast. Follow the sad man on twitter and write a review on apple podcasts because it really helps spread the word about this loser. I’m on twitter! Follow for free lasagna recipes and helpful advice for dumping your Aunt: https://twitter.com/TheEarlyThing _______________________________ Check out “The Early Thing” on Apple Podcasts (and pleas...

Feb 28, 2020•15 min•Ep 25•Transcript available on Metacast

Gregory The Italian

This morning, Gregory the italian steps in for an episode to show the sad man how its done. He is 100% Italian and should not be thought of anything besides that so please don’t. He sells birth certificates and is extremely straight. If you would like to contact Gregory please call 1-800-783-3637 for more information. Conall should be back tomorrow. Have a nice day. I’m on twitter! Follow for free lasagna recipes and helpful advice for dumping your Aunt: https://twitter.com/TheEarlyThing _______...

Feb 27, 2020•14 min•Transcript available on Metacast

Relatable Neck Massage | The Early Thing #24

This morning, the sad man is for some reason at people who enjoy concerts… like wtf. This man has no idea how sad he truly is, but he yells at his experiences at concerts and shows. To be fair, most people at those shows are annoying but it shouldn’t stop you from enjoying it. Please follow me on twitter. It's private because, believe it or not, there are some people that I don’t want to hear scream at innocent people. I’m on twitter! Follow for free lasagna recipes and helpful advice for dumpin...

Feb 24, 2020•14 min•Ep 24•Transcript available on Metacast

A VERY BAD COMPILATION (mic check) | The Early Thing #23

This morning, the sad man makes his first compilation of bad episodes that might as well exist on the internet. I sure hope he doesn't regret putting them out there for everybody to hear what a huge loser he is. I’m on twitter! Follow for free lasagna recipes and helpful advice for dumping your Aunt: https://twitter.com/TheEarlyThing _______________________________ Check out “The Early Thing” on Apple Podcasts (and please rate/review if you enjoyed): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-ear...

Feb 22, 2020•47 min•Ep 23•Transcript available on Metacast

Haircut 2: Electric Boogaloo | The Early Thing #22

This morning, the sad man gets another haircut and is still somehow mad about it. He should really just go bald considering how much he complains about his hair, but he would never do that cause he’s a pussy. Please enjoy and follow the sad man on twitter. He is funny. I’m on twitter! Follow for free lasagna recipes and helpful advice for dumping your Aunt: https://twitter.com/TheEarlyThing _______________________________ Check out “The Early Thing” on Apple Podcasts (and please rate/review if y...

Feb 17, 2020•13 min•Ep 22•Transcript available on Metacast

Incel Energy | The Early Thing #21

This morning, the sad man yells at possibly the worst sport of all time and the worst coach of all time. Also, he didn’t even finish that one story he was telling at the end of the episode so I guess we will all have to wait to hear the end. I’m on twitter! Follow for free lasagna recipes and helpful advice for dumping your Aunt: https://twitter.com/TheEarlyThing _______________________________ Check out “The Early Thing” on Apple Podcasts (and please rate/review if you enjoyed): https://podcast...

Feb 13, 2020•14 min•Ep 20•Transcript available on Metacast