Episode 015: When Your Loved One Has Cancer
May 15, 2018•29 min•Transcript available on Metacast Episode description
When you’re dealing with cancer, the spotlight is on you. But what happens when your loved one has cancer? For them, it’s just as tough if not more, because not only are they trying to help you and be there for you, they also want to have some sort of normal life, just living from day to day. We don’t get to hear this side of the cancer story. That’s why today you’re going to meet Jill. Jill’s partner had prostate cancer and Jill has some profound insights about what this experience was like for her.
She shares some unique strategies that enabled her and her partner to deal with cancer in a very proactive way, by taking back control, by taking the power away from cancer. That’s what it’s all about, isn’t it?
Here is what we cover in this episode:
Why it's hard to bounce back after cancer
The profound shock when your loved one has cancer
On dealing with fear and uncertainty
Having a courageous conversation with those you care about
Practising gratitude daily
How some people in your life fade away
and much, much more!
Links
Episode 007: How To Use Your Inner Resources To Better Deal With Cancer
Full Transcript
Joe: I want to start with something we just touched on a few minutes ago. We often have conversations and I feel like we should be recording this, and this was one of them.We were talking about gratitude and how expressing gratitude in the right way can really make you feel better and close the loop in some ways. Can you talk about that in relation to cancer and the experience that you guys went through?
Jill: When Sam was diagnosed with prostate cancer, that was six years ago. It was a huge shock. I think it woke us up. It made me realise that throughout life, we take our loved ones, in particular, for granted. We expect them to be there, we expect them to do things. Sometimes we forget to say thanks. It’s not just thanks, it’s showing your appreciation, that you’re grateful for them, one, being in your life, and two, doing the things that they’re doing and showing you how they love and support you in return. It’s that acknowledgment of their existence, of their experience and your combined experience. It’s making sure that its always at front of mind now.
On a daily basis, I let Sam know how I’m grateful for the things that he does. It’s not being sarcastic or condescending, it’s coming from the heart and it’s like, thanks, I appreciate what you’ve done. It’s showing that type of appreciation. Right throughout life, Sam has always been my rock, he’s been my go-to person. Early in our marriage, we sat, and we had long conversations, as you do when you’re young. We talked about what path we wanted to take as a couple and individually. I always wanted to go on and do study and Sam was interested. That was fine. He enabled me to fulfil my dreams.
He always supported me. We’ve got three kids. When they were younger, Sam became their primary carer at one stage because he was working shift work. It’s like, thank you for doing that, I appreciate that. Sometimes we just forget, and we take it for granted. Yes, this is going to happen and we all get on because we’re all busy living our lives, doing our things, thinking about work, thinking about home, the garden, the kids, finances, whatever. Focusing on the individual and being grateful for them being in your life.
Joe: Exactly. That’s so well put, Jill. I think in many cases, like you say, we forget and start to take things for granted and cancer becomes this big wake-up call. It’s a different modality because all of a sudden, every day is a gift.
Jill: Yes, it is. You actually value the time that you’re having, rather than sitting thinking, “I wish it was next month because we’re going to do this.” Or, I wish it was Christmas time, or I wish it was next year. Yes,
