Ep.50 | Identifying Your Masks & How to Stop Pretending

Deep Penetration | Gay and Bisexual Advice

Jan 08, 2024•19 min•Ep 50•Transcript available on Metacast

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Episode description

Let's talk about some of the most common masks I have found people wear.

1. The Mask of Perfection:

Society often imposes unrealistic standards of perfection upon us, making us to believe that we must present ourselves as flawless. This mask convinces us that revealing our flaws will result in rejection and judgment. When you finally decide to explore your sexuality, the truth is… the queer community can be hyper-critical ourselves. We don’t only receive judgement from outside the community, we receive it from within the community as well.

2. The Mask of Masculinity:

In a world that often associates masculinity with strength, dominance, and emotional detachment, many of us feel compelled to wear the mask of masculinity. We suppress our emotions, fearing that expressing vulnerability will be seen as weakness or result in us getting hurt. Why? Being ourselves caused of years of pain and discomfort. That is not the case for everyone but it is the case for a majority of the men I have worked with.

3. The Mask of Confidence:

We wear the mask of confidence to shield ourselves from feelings of inadequacy or self-doubt. We project an image of self-assuredness to protect ourselves from potential rejection or judgment. I have often found that people who come off as OVERLY confident are hiding deep insecurities that they don’t want anyone to see. The problem with that is, wearing this mask excessively can prevent us from showing our true selves. True confidence embraces vulnerability and acknowledges that imperfections are part of being human.

4. The Mask of Independence:

As gay and bisexual men, some of us have developed a strong sense of independence as a means of self-preservation. We fear relying on others, believing that doing so makes us vulnerable to abandonment or disappointment. For many of us, we have had to FIGHT to survive and thrive in the face of adversity. Wearing the mask of independence can create barriers in our relationships.

Recommendations for Shedding the Masks:

1. Self-Reflection and Awareness:

Take time for self-reflection to identify the masks you wear and the underlying fears that drive them. Journaling, therapy, or engaging with a support network can help you gain insight into your own patterns. Practice self-awareness in your daily life.

2. Embrace Vulnerability:

Recognize that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. Challenge the belief that showing your true emotions makes you less desirable or valuable. Start by opening up to trusted friends or a supportive partner.

3. Seek Authentic Connections:

Prioritize relationships that encourage open communication, emotional intimacy, and mutual support. Surrounding yourself with individuals who value and embrace your true self will create a space for genuine connection and growth.

4. Practice Self-Compassion:

Embrace self-compassion as a way to counteract the need for masks. Treat yourself with kindness, understanding, and forgiveness. Remember that you are worthy of love and acceptance, both from others and from yourself.

5. Seek Professional Support:

a. Consider working with a love and self-esteem coach, therapist, or counselor who specializes in LGBTQ+ issues.

Chapters:

Intro

00:01

My story with wearing masks

02:10

The most common masks people wear

06:30

How do you start to get rid of the mask?

13:44

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