It's been two long weeks since you've last pleasured your ears with our show. Bonus episode week came and went and then Labor Day came and went and we took the week off. But we always come back from the store with milk, cigarettes, and loosely placed tamales. Here what we have this week. Warm Up: What's the weirdest thing you can have for breakfast? What is the cool to dickhead ratio for different names? What's the worst part of living in a world that's overly bureaucratic? Midshow: The Turkeydi...
Sep 12, 2023•1 hr 24 min•Ep 23•Transcript available on Metacast 4 weeks in a row without a bonus episode and one long ass month later, here's episode 22. For you paid listeners, we love you tenderly and you'll be treated next week. Here's what we got this week. Warm Up: How often do you shit? What movies have aged better as time has passed? Could you take care of a horse if one was dropped off at your house? Midsheau: On Trial - The Best Lawyer What is the worst online take or opinion you've ever seen? Do rich people actually hunt the most dangerous game? As...
Aug 22, 2023•2 hr 40 min•Ep 22•Transcript available on Metacast Hello new subscribers from our Overcast ad. Thanks for clicking that ad and sticking around for awhile. To the rest of you who have been around awhile already, we hope you're ready for that ol' reliable Tuesday show you've grown to love so fondly and tenderly. Here's what we got this week. Warm Up Listener Question: What is the best night of sleep you can get outside of your bed? What should you do when people try to have conversation with you in a bathroom? What did you incorrectly think was lu...
Aug 15, 2023•2 hr 38 min•Ep 21•Transcript available on Metacast This week is incredibly special, because we are finally welcoming our first ever (non bonus episode) guest! Host of TPTV on Twitch, the world's greatest Canadian: Ben Pants! And this week, we're bringing a nice Canadian flare to our already outstanding show. Warm Up: How often do you record? What pisses you off? Has the internet become less useful over time? Midshow: Letters to the Editor - Dwarf Fortress What rituals do you do in day to day life? (Non Question Bit) Ben's Take on Canada What cho...
Aug 08, 2023•2 hr 3 min•Ep 20•Transcript available on Metacast It's August (if you can believe it) and we're ready to hit you with a month of powerful episodes. Here's what we got this week. Warm Up: If you had 15 seconds to broadcast a message to the entire world, what would you say? (Special thanks to Mike from Lessons With Mike for this one). What are the best common ways to commit time fraud? What device would be the hardest to use if you had to suck it off to use it? Midshow: Wikihow - Taxidermy & Lap Dances Is peanut butter a liquid? Also, what is...
Aug 01, 2023•1 hr 20 min•Ep 19•Transcript available on Metacast No funny intro in the show notes this week. All the funny content is inside the show itself. But I will plug our bonus episode next week. It's $1 per month on Patreon to get it, and this upcoming one is a good one. Here's what you can look forward to in our show: Warm Up: What do you do with bugs in your house? What's the deal with companies that go out of their way to appear edgy? How much buttcrack showing is acceptable? Would you want to know if your buttcrack was showing? Midshow - LIGHTNING...
Jul 18, 2023•2 hr 30 min•Ep 18•Transcript available on Metacast After a nice long 2 week hiatus (which was only 1 week due to the holiday if you buy our bonus episodes) we are back!!! That's right - the four Acolytes of Knowledge have returned to answer life's most important questions. As we approach 20 episodes of our show, I just want to casually remind you to spread our show to other idiots who may like this show. Here's what we got for you this week. Warm Up: Could you make a decent meal with only gas station foods? And what ingredient do you always have...
Jul 11, 2023•1 hr 28 min•Ep 17•Transcript available on Metacast Flush your waste. Don't be an asshole. Here's what we got this week! Warm Up: Do you flush urinals? What are some design flaws of the human body? What would men carry in their purses? Midshow FUNNY OR DUMB: "The Shitter" What do you judge your neighbors for? Is there such a thing as appropriate or inappropriate conversation with dinner? Post Theme: What does Rico think about a warm glass of milk? Give us a rating on your podcast directory of choice. A show with ratings gives some merit, and it's...
Jun 20, 2023•1 hr 27 min•Ep 16•Transcript available on Metacast So right in the intro of this episode, you'll hear something along the lines of "we're four episodes deep" and that's because this here was the original episode four of our show! Due to Zencastr fucking our collective butts, our files were sliced and diced and otherwise made inconvenient to piece back together. Due to the miracle of Scott and his loads of free time, we have spliced this episode back together painstakingly to give you content on a week where we were too damn busy to record an epi...
Jun 13, 2023•2 hr 36 min•Ep 15•Transcript available on Metacast Today's episode features a good shouting match on an incredibly dumb debate - that's some stuff you never want to miss. We debate the hell out of the dumbest topics for our (and your) pleasure. Here's what we got this week. Warm up: Would you rather bathe in hot dog water or eat a hot dog boiled in bath water? Why am I the bad guy if I ask who is farting on an airplane? What are some ways to exploit having a new child? Would you date or befriend a sentient, floating pair of boobs? What careers w...
Jun 06, 2023•1 hr 12 min•Ep 14•Transcript available on Metacast Shortly after the recording of this week's episode, Smitty, Scott, and Rico all changed their mind on their determination of the 'Funny or Dumb' segment which is definitely funny and maybe even hilarious. Many are saying that. Many good people. And although 13 is unlucky, we feel today is your lucky day because you get to hear us finally hash out why yelling SUCK MY BALLS is a better insult that FIST MY ANUS. I know you've always wondered. Here's the topics this week. Is it weird to ask for a bi...
May 23, 2023•1 hr 10 min•Ep 13•Transcript available on Metacast Today we attack the old. There's many reasons we could have done it, but their pronunciations and lack of technological smarts is the target. All that and......all this: Warm Up: What is with people that can't believe the day or the month? What are some of the stupidest pronunciations? Could you eat one thing for the rest of your life? Funny or Dumb: Glinko Part II What's the opinion on people that play music on their phones in public bathrooms? What are the best and worst fast food places? Post...
May 16, 2023•2 hr 30 min•Ep 12•Transcript available on Metacast OH BOY IT WAS HOT YESTERDAY BUT NOW THE FORECAST SAYS IT'S GONNA GET COLD AGAIN. YEAH YOU IDIOT, THAT'S CALLED SPRING. HOW CAN ANYBODY NOT UNDERSTAND THAT YET? Small talking weather is fine. Acting shocked when the temperature changes day to day is incredibly stupid. And I am here to plead my case this episode that you should already be used to this. Here are the topics this week. Warm up: What is with people that seemingly can't believe the weather? What is the worst type of mess to clean? In a...
May 09, 2023•1 hr 13 min•Ep 11•Transcript available on Metacast We got a show so jam packed with questions that are so incredibly important. It's gonna be a long show, so grab a Baconator ® for those much needed listening calories. Here is what we have on the schedule. Warm up 1: If I was in need of a Baconator ® , would you buy me one? Warm up 2: How would you push out a T-shaped poop? Rico tries a stupid question. What is the line in the sand when eating bizarre foods? Which of the Jackass Forever ball-torture methods would be the easiest to endure? Midsho...
May 02, 2023•2 hr 36 min•Ep 10•Transcript available on Metacast Partially because we're in the midst of an ad run, and partially because we love you all deeply, the first ever bonus episode of The Important Questions is a public resource for everyone to hear. Hopefully this will be the final straw that makes you realize you want to pay the $1 per month to receive an episode the last Tuesday of each month. Each bonus episode will be different, but they all will entertain. On today's bonus episode, we ask and answer only one question. How well can we different...
Apr 25, 2023•56 min•Transcript available on Metacast We're back on this fine Tuesday and ready to share some solutions to life's most important questions. But before I hit those topics, this is the final reminder that next week is our first ever bonus episode. If you're not a $1 donor (see Patreon link below) then you will miss out on some incredible content. $12 a year for bonus content, and you make way more than that in even 1 hour of work. So donate that dollar, and we promise you'll have some good shit to show for it. Here's what we got going...
Apr 18, 2023•1 hr 6 min•Ep 9•Transcript available on Metacast Welcome one and all to the 8th episode of our show. To all of our new Overcast subscribers, hey this is Dave and thank you and I love you. To all others, hey this is Dave and thank you and I love you. In just two weeks, our first bonus episode drops. If you're not a $1 tier donor on Patreon, then on April 25th you'll be devastated to find no new episode. But you know how to fix that. Anyways, here's the topics for the week: Warm Up Question: Could you eat so many pickles that your asshole become...
Apr 11, 2023•1 hr 22 min•Ep 8•Transcript available on Metacast Today's artwork is brought to you by Scott - he can draw a hell of a Tik Tok, but can't keep his lines straight. This week we address the four most important topics yet - and by far. I think. What is the purpose of bathroom attendants? And what other unnecessary places can we stick attendants? What is proper waterpark etiquette? Funny or Dumb: Smitty's Pesto Mommy What do you do or not do out of principle? How will our species be punished for our hubris? (Or are we going to Hell)? Post Theme - G...
Apr 04, 2023•2 hr 37 min•Ep 7•Transcript available on Metacast Recorded during Dave and Rico's norovirus saga, the Acolytes of Knowledge calmly and collectively discuss life's most important questions while holding back the destruction within their bowels. That is dedication. That is love for our audience. That is, honestly, super shitty. Here are our topics for the 6th episode.Warm Up: What is the severity of your response to how much someone has shat during the day?1) Have today's kids legitimately gotten worse?2) What are some 10/10 albums that Acolytes ...
Mar 28, 2023•2 hr 38 min•Ep 6•Transcript available on Metacast On your screen above this text is a nice juicy package on a well-known Marvel Cinematic Universe villain. Rocking a 6 pack over that package and a tightly fitting 'I'm With Stupid' shirt - you might wonder why the hell this sexy Thanos is displayed in this episode. Well one really stupid cohost is about to bear it all. Here is the topics for the show:1) What are some signs you are becoming the older generation?2) Assuming you could live forever, how long would you want to live?Mid Show Segment -...
Mar 21, 2023•1 hr 27 min•Ep 5•Transcript available on Metacast We told you we'd release on Tuesdays and by God we did it. Sticking to that weekly structure you know and love, building that rapport. All of that is almost as important as this week's questions.... 1) What is the most money you would spend on a short term experience? 2) What is an incorrect view we had on something that was learned too late in life? 3) What ads are you most susceptible to? 4) What are some creative ways to ruin the moment during sex? -Give us a rating on your podcast directory ...
Mar 14, 2023•1 hr 5 min•Ep 4•Transcript available on Metacast Every week, The Acolytes of Knowledge seek to answer the most important questions in life. We answer them incredibly sufficiently. This episode, we will cover: 1) What's the go-to dinner when you don't know what's for dinner? 2) What are the people camping on stage performing? 3) Did Jesus f*ck? (Censorship incase they don't like pushing shows with naughty descriptions). 4) Would you order milk at a fancy restaurant? 5) Why are chairs and toilets so expensive? 6) Listener Voicemail - What animal...
Mar 07, 2023•1 hr 22 min•Ep 3•Transcript available on Metacast Every week, we seek to answer life's most important questions. This week, the questions are: 1) What if all buttholes had labias? 2) What would it be like if all inanimate objects were sexual beings? 3) What midwestern style cuisine would offend high class elites? 4) What would a modern cross country drive through the US attribute to a new Oregon Trail game? -Leave us a review on your podcast directory of choice. A show with reviews gives some merit, and it's a good way to push us in recommendat...
Mar 07, 2023•1 hr 26 min•Ep 2•Transcript available on Metacast What's our show? It's 4 hosts and 4 questions every week!
Mar 05, 2023•31 sec•Transcript available on Metacast Hello, and welcome to the first episode of this show. As far as comedy podcasts go, I've always had a little trouble getting past long ad breaks, cold opens that lack context, and feeling like I'm part of some inside joke I just don't get. Comedy can still have a structure, and a grab-bag style show doesn't have to be low effort. If you're listening long term, my goal for this show is to never sacrifice humor, but to always make sure the humor isn't without its context. So what is this show? The...
Mar 05, 2023•1 hr 2 min•Ep 1•Transcript available on Metacast 
