The title may be misleading. This episode is VERY loosely Halloween related thanks to our listener GLINKO STINKO and his question around Halloween. Also, it's our pleasure to officially publish the location of our prior show. If you're a fan of the current show, a selection of our old show is available minus bonus episodes and the (very terrible) first 25 episodes. Enjoy several hours of content. Link below. Here's what we got this week. Intro Part 1: When are you releasing more goddamn content?...
Dec 02, 2024•1 hr 18 min•Transcript available on Metacast For episode 50 we got slice of life shit, humorous shit, and real shit. Everything you've come to love in our show all wrapped up in our halfway to 100 episode. Here's what we got this week: Intro: If you had to combine shrimp and marshmallow into a palatable dish, what would you make? What cryptid would taste the best? What is the best season? Midshow: Brilliant Ideas - Refrigerated Pockets What places have specific smells to them and what specifically makes them smell that way? Ask us your own...
Nov 18, 2024•1 hr•Transcript available on Metacast Ever wonder what your odds are of surviving various animal attacks? We got you covered using the most advanced scientific data to date to break down your odds! And we found out after the fact that bismuth is the active metal ingredient in Pepto Bismol. That's the 'Bismol' part of it. Here's what we got this week: Intro: Would we join Scott's "poop band"? What animals could we beat in a fight? When does a branding cross-over go too far? Is jacking off overrated or underrated? How would you try an...
Nov 11, 2024•2 hr 31 min•Ep 49•Transcript available on Metacast This episode is exclusively for mall-walkers in wind breakers getting their steps in. Everyone else, see you next time. This is what we got for you. Intro: Are there any microwavable meals that don't suck? What would be the best unorthodox bathroom decorations? How are malls still in operation? Midshow: I Saw a Guy Midshow Pt II: Dave's Letters to the Editor - Reprise of that expletive product slogan question. If money wasn't an issue, what would your dream job be? Post Theme: The Cat Stroller &...
Nov 04, 2024•2 hr 30 min•Ep 48•Transcript available on Metacast Wake, puke, brush, chug milk, repeat. Here's episode 46's shit: Intro: How long would you have to fart one continuous fart before you call an ambulance? How can you spruce up and add value to your property or living space? Why do men get pee-shy? What else could you not do with people watching you? What traveling food trucks could replace the ice cream man? Post Theme: Smitty Smells Shitty Ask us your own important questions or comment on our shows. We have a Google Voice line that is good for v...
Oct 28, 2024•2 hr 41 min•Ep 46•Transcript available on Metacast If you enjoy drinking milk, learning about milk, milk talk, and all things milk - then we're happy to announce that MILK TALK IS BACK. Here's what we got this week (also Rico is back). Intro - would you get a pitcher of milk? What is the tier list of meats? What is the scariest piece of media you've consumed? Midshow: Funny or Dumb - Smitty and Dave's Wives' Breakdowns Should you get into storage unit auctioning? What are some unconventional things to put in a smoker? Ask us your own important q...
Oct 21, 2024•2 hr 31 min•Transcript available on Metacast I told you I'd upload multiple episodes. Dave always delivers. Here's what you can expect in these next 70 to 80 something minutes. Intro: How well could you pull of a microwaved steak dinner? What is soup? Would you kill E.T with a hammer? Have you seen a Cybertruck in the wild yet? How do people tolerate living in cities? What's the best combo of safety, effectiveness, and fun in weed killing? Ask us your own important questions or comment on our shows. We have a Google Voice line that is good...
Oct 14, 2024•1 hr 17 min•Ep 44•Transcript available on Metacast I, once again, have to remind everyone: my upload schedule, our recording schedule, and et cetera et cetera is now under new management. I can do whatever I want. So I decided this week to be generous and release multiple episodes. Today's release is episode 43, so please enjoy. Intro: Why do we also pick the wrong lines? What things have you tried to get into but could not? How far would you get from home at age 10 in a real Pokemon universe? Midshow: RANT - Urinal angles What the awkward middl...
Oct 14, 2024•1 hr 17 min•Transcript available on Metacast It's episode 42 for real now. Recorded back in May, yet these topics are so evergreen that no amount of 4 months can make it not topical anymore. Here's what we got for you this week. What can be done about teenagers? How have you noticed yourself becoming your parents? Midshow: They Did the Math - The Fart Limit How could moshing be marketed as exercise? Klem Stump's Voicemail about pet names Post Theme: What is the worst theoretical house pest? Ask us your own important questions or comment on...
Sep 04, 2024•2 hr 36 min•Ep 42•Transcript available on Metacast This is episode 47. I don't have to release episodes in order. I can release 55 next week and you'd just have to deal with it. So here's the 47th episode topics. 1) Intro: Happy beauthday to Beau. 2) Where is the worst place to piss your pants? 3) How effective would a product be if they just advertised using expletive slogans? 4) What is the most unorthodox high snack? 5) Post Theme: Glinko's question about the flavor of teeth. Ask us your own important questions or comment on our shows. We hav...
Aug 19, 2024•1 hr 27 min•Transcript available on Metacast We welcome you to join our dinosaur discovery pact. To learn more, listen to the episode. All listeners should commit to our dinosaur discovery pact to better our chances of a new dinosaur discovery. Here's what we got this week. ALSO RICO IS BACK. 1) Warm Up: What would you name a new dinosaur discovery? 2) Smitty bitches about the cyber truck. 3) What's the coolest thing a shitty person did? 4) Midshow - Rant: Is That Asshole the Asshole? 5) Midshow - Antirant: Mulch 6) What would be the coole...
Aug 05, 2024•2 hr 38 min•Transcript available on Metacast We're back. You know we couldn't leave you. We love you so much. And we got the following stupid topics for you this week: 1) Warm Up (From Glinko): How much money would you need to let your parents read your search history out loud? 2) Are you obligated to give gifts to people you don't know that well? 3) Funny or Dumb Midshow: Fart Chips 4) How would you utilize bathroom telepathy? 5) Smitty Presents: "I Know That Guy" 6) Dave Presents: "The Dick Finder App" Ask us your own important questions...
Jul 24, 2024•2 hr 31 min•Transcript available on Metacast By popular demand, Poo Crimes bonus episode is now free to listen to for everyone! Listen to 3 real stories of crimes based around poo. 1) The Mad Pooper 2) The Bowel Movement Bandit 3) Russian Poop Cannon
Jul 24, 2024•1 hr 3 min•Transcript available on Metacast This is the part where Dave writes the questions and stuff, but I'm phoning it in really fuckin' hard. There's questions about pet names, chores, and I think being in pain. Oh but the important part, the Patreon is shutting down and we're moving to episodes every other Tuesday going forward because life is busy and it's been tough going at the rate we've been going for a long time. We love you fans a ton, and we hope you understand. If not, we're still not gonna do anything about it....
Mar 19, 2024•2 hr 49 min•Transcript available on Metacast Can you guess that I couldn't come up with another title? Dave is off this week so Scott is at the helm doing his best. I apologize in advance for any missed noises, mic stand bumps, or nonstop orgasms that may occur. Don't worry, 'ol Davey-boy called his question in, so you still get a taste of all 4 of us. Open wide, here is what we got for ya: Intro: What is the best/worst occasion to take someone to Cracker Barrel? Rico asks: "What are some inventions that are sweet and cool and yea, that's ...
Mar 12, 2024•1 hr 8 min•Transcript available on Metacast This week, we're once again tackling current events. Nothing in this world is more timely than talking through Charlie Bucket's jerk ass grandparents. Here's what we got this week. Intro: Why do crinkle cut carrots suck so bad? What do you think about regularly that has no bearing on life? Midshow: Funny or Dumb - Garfield How do you make sports more enjoyable for people who hate sports? How would you go about living in the Bucket grandparents' bed for 20 years? Post Theme: Glinko Farts Ask us y...
Mar 05, 2024•2 hr 39 min•Ep 37•Transcript available on Metacast All 4 idiots are back to give you an episode that's as decent as being naked while wearing socks. And here's what we got this week. What are some of the dumbest concepts for horror movies? Why do you feel more naked when you're wearing only socks? Midshow: They Did the Math - Poop Length How do you think you'll die? How would penis enlargement have to be presented to not appear as a scam? Would you legitimately want penis enlargement if it met the right conditions? Ask us your own important ques...
Feb 20, 2024•1 hr 11 min•Ep 36•Transcript available on Metacast Smitty has Covid. Rico hasn't slept. Dave has half a turd in your asscheeks. And we're ready to bring you the best show you've ever heard this Tuesday. Rico calls in because he needed a nap. Here's what we got this week. Intro: Is Scott unable to please a woman? (From Glinko) Who has the weirdest nipples? Also what is the meaning of the pooniverse; the universe made of poo? Can you interpret Dave's poop dream? Funny or Dumb: Scott's Brother/Big Dog How does one become more interesting or smart? ...
Feb 13, 2024•1 hr 23 min•Ep 35•Transcript available on Metacast This week we all tossed in some questions we were very hesitant about. Pretty much every question is just a statement followed by "what's the deal with that". So i ask you, what's the deal with that? Did we give up already or have we been phoning it in since episode 16? Here's a look at this week's topics: Intro: What are you always losing? What's the deal with "I <3 my grand-dog" bumper stickers? Mid Show: What the f*ck is on Rico's shelves? What's the deal with the 5 star rating system? Rol...
Feb 06, 2024•1 hr 5 min•Ep 34•Transcript available on Metacast This week we give you some amazing facts and talk about Shaq's penis size towards the tail end of the episode. All that to say - this is our peak. This is our bread and butter. This is stuff you would be ashamed to tell your family and friends that you listen to - which is why word of mouth has gotten us nowhere. Here's what we got this week: Intro: Would you engage in sensual sexual relations with a consenting mermaid? What are the benefits of breathing out of your asshole, which is scientifica...
Jan 23, 2024•1 hr 17 min•Transcript available on Metacast Through the magic of our text/voicemail line and Twitter, some listeners have inspired us to ask and answer questions that are entirely your own. For today's very special episode, we take those questions and address them with our brilliant, huge brains. Orgasm, sneezing, q-tipping an ear, scratching an itch, and farting. Which two would be the best to occur at the same time? What are some of the worst dates you've been on? Are mashed potatoes just Irish guacamole? Call in: What's your best fart ...
Jan 16, 2024•46 min•Ep 32•Transcript available on Metacast How's that title for a title? Never thought I could cram so much into a title. But in spite of the title, the episode isn't just about Smitty dragging us into another dystopian scenario as he lashes himself later on in the episode for it. But rather we return to 2024 in perfect form with talk of farts, fluids, and eating delicious frogs with honey mustard. Here's what we got this week. Intro: What's the best scented candle? What would you do if you had a one-off fart that sounded exceptionally s...
Jan 09, 2024•1 hr 23 min•Transcript available on Metacast Sorry for taking last week off. If it's any consolation, get used to it because we're on break after this week for the holidays. We're coming back 1/9/2024 - so try to survive best you can until then. Here's what we got this week. What got you made fun of the hardest in school? What are some small optimizations you make in life? Midshow: Rico's Letters to the Editor + Rant - National Anthem What is the biggest food crime you've ever seen committed? How do you explain that a family member has bec...
Nov 21, 2023•1 hr 25 min•Transcript available on Metacast DISCLAIMER: RICO'S ADVICE SHOULD ABOSLUTELY BE TAKEN AND HIS FINANCIAL DECISIONS ARE SOUND AND GOOD TO FOLLOW.Here's what we got this week. Intro: If you used a construction site's port-a-potty, would anyone say anything? What are you proud of? How much do you do for certain holidays? What item on the Cheesecake Factory menu seems the most suspicious when a word is in quotations? What are some things that took you too long to discover? Ask us your own important questions or comment on our shows....
Nov 07, 2023•1 hr 20 min•Ep 29•Transcript available on Metacast This is our pre Halloween episode, and we incredibly loosely allude to it at least a few times to get you into the spooky spirit. HEY....AND THAT GIVEAWAY. READ THIS. FREE BONUS EPISODE TO ONE LUCKY PERSON WHO CALLS OR TEXTS A QUESTION INTO THE SHOW BY 10/31. Here's what we got this week. Warm Up: What Halloween candy is the best? Why do certain households give away office supplies? Which Wizard of Oz character got screwed over the hardest? What lies do we put up with? Midshow: RANT - Tee Shirt ...
Oct 24, 2023•2 hr 46 min•Ep 28•Transcript available on Metacast Happy Tuesday to everyone reading and listening. Dave is away at a client meeting today and wishes you to wish him well. But even if he crashes and burns and reveals he's an imposter that knows nothing about the field he works in, he has you all - the adoring fans. Here's what we got this week. Warm Up: What's the best thing to do with $20 you've found on the ground? Would you clone yourself? What is something that is perfect and cannot be improved? Midshow: They Did The Math - Farting to the Mo...
Oct 17, 2023•2 hr 47 min•Ep 27•Transcript available on Metacast We are about to take away all the magic that you thought came with a massive orgy in this episode. You thought it was all fun, but the reality is the whole thing is an ordeal with drama like you've never seen. So if you're an orgy-lover, reconsider this week's listen. However, if you're wanting to get deep into the lore of orgies, this week we got you. Warm Up: Is the sneezing tradition weird? What activities would draw you to go to an adult summer camp? Midshow - Rant: Christmas Edition How wou...
Oct 10, 2023•54 hr 12 min•Transcript available on Metacast We're back for an October full of Tuesdays. 5 whole Tuesdays means 4 regular episodes and a bonus for your paid subscribers (who we love significantly more than non paid subscribers). This week, Rico was taking a fat shit, so here's what we got without him. Warm Up: How did Dave gain weight after pooping? Could you make a passable meal using pet food? Midshow - Funny or Dumb: Smitty Smells & Thick Piss Are the Minions here forever? What's on the smash/pass list at a typical potluck? Ask us y...
Oct 03, 2023•1 hr 23 min•Transcript available on Metacast Dave is having an incredibly busy week this week with work and wants your pity. Please send your pity by listening to our show and enjoying this week's episode that we worked so hard over for several minutes. Here's what we got this week. Warm Up: What would be the most ridiculous, mandatory question to ask as part of a job interview? How would you measure how badly things stink and what would be on the stink scale? Would you do [insert sexual act] in order to save your dying friend's life? Mids...
Sep 19, 2023•1 hr 27 min•Transcript available on Metacast It's been two long weeks since you've last pleasured your ears with our show. Bonus episode week came and went and then Labor Day came and went and we took the week off. But we always come back from the store with milk, cigarettes, and loosely placed tamales. Here what we have this week. Warm Up: What's the weirdest thing you can have for breakfast? What is the cool to dickhead ratio for different names? What's the worst part of living in a world that's overly bureaucratic? Midshow: The Turkeydi...
Sep 12, 2023•1 hr 24 min•Transcript available on Metacast 
