Your Stupid Minds is back after a February break with the film that connects us all, it’s 2024’s Madame Web , brought to you by the delicious taste of Pepsi-Cola! Cassandra Webb (Dakota Johnson) is a sassy New York EMT who has trouble connecting to people except for her partner Ben (Adam Scott). After a near drowning she unlocks her latent spider power of seeing the future, something spiders are known for. Meanwhile, Ezekiel Sims (Tahir Rahim), who, and I can’t be certain of this, may have been ...
Mar 08, 2024•1 hr 48 min•Season 1Ep. 230
Note: This episode originally aired on April 24, 2015. -- This week, YSM tackles the truly bizarre buddy cop/talking dinosaur movie Theodore Rex. Join us as we wonder whether writer/director Jonathan Betuel got an uncredited plot assist from his four-year-old nephew Tommy and whether Theodore Rex is the most annoying 90s “poochie” protagonist we’ve ever covered. In the near-future, human-sized dinosaurs have been brought back by an eccentric German scientist just to see if he can. Now, the scien...
Feb 23, 2024•1 hr 1 min
Note: This episode originally aired on October 16, 2014. -- We continue our October scary-movie-a-thon-thing with the terrifying and impossible to alphabetize cyber thriller .com for Murder. Directed by schlock semi-master Nico Mastorakis, this ripoff of Halloween, Psycho, Rear Window, etc. stars Nastassja Kinski (Cat People), Nicollette Sheridan (former Michael Bolton paramour), Roger Daltrey (Vampirella, The Who), and Huey Lewis (of the News). When hotshot architect Ben (Daltrey) leaves his te...
Feb 09, 2024•57 min
Your Stupid Minds continues its Worst of 2023 limited series with yet another nine-figure Netflix action movie that they apparently forgot to promote. It’s Heart of Stone with Gal Gadot! Rachel Stone (Gadot) is a young statuesque superhacker who’s a new recruit to MI6. She’s part of a team including combat expert Yang (Jing Lusi), another combat expert Parker (Jamie Dornan), and another superhacker Bailey (Paul Ready). Their mission is to kidnap some Russian guy for information, which they fail ...
Jan 26, 2024•1 hr 30 min•Season 1Ep. 229
Your Stupid Minds starts 2024 with our Worst of 2023 limited series. Our first one is the John Cena action “comedy” from the director of Taken (no, not Luc Besson) and co-starring Alison Brie! It’s 2023’s Freelance . Mason Pettits (Cena) is former Army Special Forces who injures his back in a helicopter crash during a mission to “liberate” the fictional South American country of Paldonia. After being bored as the most jacked lawyer of all time, he takes on a “freelance” job from his Army buddy S...
Jan 12, 2024•1 hr 34 min•Season 1Ep. 228
Apparently we’re only in Day Six of the Twelve Days of Christmas ( look it up ), so we’re doing another Christmas movie with Disney’s Robert Zemeckis’s 2009 CGI monstrosity adaptation of A Christmas Carol ! Do I really need to explain the plot of A Christmas Carol ? Ebenezer Scrooge (Jim Carrey) is visited by three spirits (Jim Carrey, Jim Carrey, and Jim Carrey) to change him of his miserly Christmas-hating ways. This adaptation is slavishly faithful to the text of the story, so it adds a lot o...
Dec 31, 2023•1 hr 58 min•Season 1Ep. 227
Your Stupid Minds FINALLY gets into the holiday spirit with, what else, a Hallmark-style Christmas movie with a wrestler! It’s the free agent holiday movie starring WWE’s Trish Status, 2022’s Christmas in Rockwell . Alyssa (Stratus) is a former child actress turned grown up actress who made it big at 12 years old with Holly’s Puppy Christmas (or something similarly titled, I don’t want to go back and look it up). She travels to Rockwell, Nowheredaho (but really it’s in Canada), her home town tha...
Dec 15, 2023•1 hr 25 min•Season 1Ep. 226
It’s officially the Christmas season! Here we come a-wassailing! Here comes Santa Claus right down Santa Claus Lane! Jack Frost nipping at your nose. We’re reviewing Assassin’s Creed (2016). Cal Lynch (Michael Fassbender) is a convicted murderer who is being put to death in the Texas desert prison outpost in Huntsville. As he’s executed, he wakes up in a strange facility in Madrid. Sofia (Marion Cotillard) explains that they need to hook him up to a giant GLaDOS-like mechanical arm so he can tap...
Dec 01, 2023•1 hr 33 min•Season 1Ep. 225
Your Stupid Minds covers a movie that may not exist, except in the deepest, darkest dollar bins of the seediest Walmarts of the world. It’s the David DeCoteau Punisher-lite tale Prey of the Jaguar (1996) starring Maxwell Caulfield, Stacy Keach, and Linda Blair. Damien Bandera (Trevor Goddard, a.k.a. Kano in the original Mortal Kombat movie) is a drug kingpin who’s just been busted out of prison by his compatriots. Or is his name Banderas? He’s referred to as both in this movie. Derek Leigh (Caul...
Nov 18, 2023•1 hr 15 min•Season 1Ep. 224
Your Stupid Minds does one last spook ‘em up to round out the (now passed) Halloween season. It’s the Italian horror-infused prequel to a “real” haunting: Amityville II: The Possession (1982). The Montelli family, made up of abusive father Anthony (Burt Young), manic mom Delores (Rotanya Alda), 26-year-old teenage son Sonny (Jack Magner), older daughter Patricia (Diane Franklin) and some other kids move into a new home in upstate New York possessed by a demon. They immediately begin providing am...
Nov 03, 2023•1 hr 24 min•Season 1Ep. 223
Your Stupid Minds is back with more spooky fare for Halloween. At least, it gives the air of spookification. If you find mind meld hypnosis machines, panopticon-like modern interior design, and fever dreams about locusts spooky, then you’d probably find 1977’s Exorcist II: The Heretic adequately spooky. After a botched exorcism in Latin America leads to a woman “accidentally” setting herself on fire, Father Lamont (Richard Burton) is tasked with investigating the life and work of the late Father...
Oct 25, 2023•1 hr 30 min•Season 1Ep. 222
Just at the start of spooky season, Your Stupid Minds reviews the 1983 horror anthology Nightmares , starring Emilio Estevez, Cristina Raines, and Lance Henriksen. Originally planned as a TV pilot, instead Universal packaged it together and gave it a wide theatrical release. Despite this slapdash release, it still managed to top #3 at the box office. That’s the ‘80s for you! The theme is kind of urban legends, but that labeling stretches credulity. The stories include: A cigarette-addicted woman...
Oct 06, 2023•1 hr 18 min•Season 1Ep. 221
Your Stupid Minds whisks you away to a magical fantasy land based on the L. Frank Baum novels that no one has read in the last 100 years. It's Disney's reimagined 1985 sequel Return to Oz ! In an effort to reinvigorate its flailing film releases, Disney bought the rights to the Wizard of Oz book series with the intention of revitalizing the franchise. One small issue though: the books are very dissimilar to MGM’s beloved The Wizard of Oz from 1939. No worries, the bones are still there: the Scar...
Sep 22, 2023•1 hr 50 min•Season 1Ep. 220
It’s finally here! In keeping with tradition, we reviewed Neil Breen’s newest film Cade: The Tortured Crossing , an actual sequel to Twisted Pair that acts more like a spiritual sequel to Twisted Pair . Joining us is friend of me, the show, and bad movies in general Austin Buchan, who knew absolutely nothing about the movie or Neil Breen before watching it. According to the Alamo Drafthouse website (and, more likely, the press packet that Neil sent to the Alamo Drafthouse) Cade: The Tortured Cro...
Sep 08, 2023•1 hr 39 min•Season 1Ep. 219
In honor of Meg 2: The Trench bombing at the box office, we decided to take a look back at its more financially successful predecessor, 2018’s The Meg ! What if Jaws , but bigger? Jonas Taylor (Jason Statham) is a world-renowned underwater saving people guy. When he tries to rescue a submarine that was hit by something big (I’m guessing a Meg) he is unable to save everyone and is accused of cowardice. Jonas now hides in Thailand drowning his sorrows in low ABV beers. Meanwhile, a research statio...
Aug 25, 2023•1 hr 10 min•Season 1Ep. 218
To complement Barbie ’s wild success at the box office, Your Stupid Minds reviews a different toy tin-in movie, but a bad one! It’s 1985’s The Care Bears Movie ! A man who runs an orphanage, Mr. Cherrywood (Mickey Rooney), tells his orphans a story about two other orphans who learn the value of friendship or caring or not listening to an evil book, or something. Jason (Sunny Besen Thrasher) and Kim (Cree Summer) are befriended by the Care Bears, some cutesy little creatures who live in the sky c...
Jul 28, 2023•1 hr 23 min•Season 1Ep. 217
Your Stupid Minds covers one of the most infamous erotic thrillers of all time, 1993’s Body of Evidence , starring Madonna, Willem Dafoe, Joe Mantegna, Jürgen Prochnow, Frank Langella, Anne Archer, Julianne Moore, and more! When millionaire Andrew Marsh (Michael Forest) is found dead in his sprawling mansion with a bunch of kinky sexy sex toys around him, everyone immediately suspects his kinky sexy sex girlfriend Rebecca Carlson (Madonna). She is arrested and sent to trial two hours later. Her ...
Jul 14, 2023•1 hr 30 min•Season 1Ep. 216
Note: The episode originally aired April 19, 2017. Your Stupid Minds delves into well-trodden bad movie territory with the notoriously terrible animated Italian film Titanic: The Legend Goes On . We may not have the annoying falsetto screech of The Nostalgia Critic, or the deep-seated racism of JonTron, but we do have notable animal lover and Chris’s sister Sarah Dobson back on the podcast. Angelica (Lisa Russo) is a lowly beautiful servant who looks strikingly like Anastasia. She meets the rich...
Jul 01, 2023•1 hr 24 min
Your Stupid Minds gets down with the sickness with the 2001 Jet Li film The One ! The movie that invented multiverses! [citation needed] Yulaw (Jet Li) has discovered one weird trick to make himself all-powerful: If he kills all his other selves in the 124 other multiverses, their power transfers to him and he becomes the titular The One. Time cops hate him! After killing one of the two remaining Jet Lis, he travels to the final multiverse after a space prison escape to kill his final self, Los ...
Jun 16, 2023•1 hr 45 min•Season 1Ep. 215
Your Stupid Minds reviewed 2004’s Catwoman LIVE on the Exhibit Floor at Comicpalooza on Friday, May 26, 2023! Listen to us leave our respective metaphorical basements for the FIRST TIME to bring the bad movie gospel to the masses! Patience Phillips (Halle Berry) is a mind-mannered artist and graphic designer at a major cosmetics company. The company has a new product, Beau-line, that reverses aging as long as you keep using it, but makes you hideously scarred like the Heath Ledger Joker if you s...
Jun 02, 2023•44 min•Season 1Ep. 214
Leading up to our appearance at Comicpalooza, we finally gave in to the hype and reviewed one of the most notorious and meme-worthy comic book movies of all time: 2022’s Morbius ! Dr. Michael Morbius (Jared Leto) has a blood disease that makes his blood not good and he has to walk with crutches. He travels to Costa Rica’s Cerro de la Muerte to capture a tube full of vampire bats in the hopes he can study them and reverse his bad blood disease. The cure works, but as a result he turns into a cool...
May 19, 2023•1 hr 36 min•Season 1Ep. 213
Your Stupid Minds returns to ninjas with Cannon’s Nine Deaths of the Ninja from 1985, starring Sho Kosugi, Anthony Kiedis's dad, and Harlan Crow’s ex sister-in-law. Spike (Kosugi), Steve (Brent Huff), and Jennifer (Emilia Crow) are part of an elite anti-terrorist squad that consists mainly of Spike doing ninja stuff on a bunch of terrorists while Steve crosses his arms and chuckles. When a terrorist confederacy of gross drug addicts, a lesbian militia, and a smattering of ninjas kidnap a bus ful...
May 05, 2023•1 hr 18 min•Season 1Ep. 212
Your Stupid Minds comes at you with our fifth X-Men related movie, this time it’s the 2019 flop Dark Phoenix , another halfhearted attempt to adapt the Dark Phoenix saga without bothering with the Phoenix saga. The X-Men are assigned a mission by the president to save some astronauts stuck in space. Though the mission is successful, Jean Grey (Sophie Turner) is blasted with an evil space cloud that starts to make her act cool. However, the coolness goes too far when she can’t control her new pow...
Apr 21, 2023•1 hr 54 min•Season 1Ep. 211
Your Stupid Minds returns to the bottomless well of content that is the Barbarian Brothers (at least until we run out of Barbarian Brothers movies) with 1994’s Twin Sitters , a movie that rips off Mr. Nanny wholesale but posits the question “what if there were TWO big beefy guys instead of one?” Peter and David Falcone (played by Peter and David Paul, respectively, since it’s entirely possible they are incapable of responding to any first name but their own) are two muscle-bound goofballs who ne...
Apr 07, 2023•1 hr 35 min•Season 1Ep. 210
Your Stupid Minds covers 1982’s Zapped !, a post- Porky’s teen sex comedy where a teenage boy acquires telekinetic powers and uses them mostly to pop girls’ shirts open. Barney (Scott Baio) is a typical high school nerd (he wears glasses, you see), with free rein over his own science laboratory in the school, dosing mice with whiskey to see if they swim better while drunk. Somehow this results in the titular zapping, and he gains the ability to move objects with his mind. At first his hormones m...
Mar 24, 2023•1 hr 38 min•Season 1Ep. 209
Your Stupid Minds tackles a prequel no one’s ever heard of to a movie no one ever saw. It’s 2022’s R.I.P.D. 2: Rise of the Damned ! Roy Pulsipher (Jeffrey Donovan, replacing Jeff Bridges in the role) is a sheriff in 1870s Wyoming who’s about to wed his daughter Charlotte (Tilly Keeper) to her weenie fiancé Angus (Richard Fleeshman). But some ruffians try to rob the train station and Roy is shot and killed in the ruckus. Roy is sent up to heaven to the Rest in Peace Department (R.I.P.D.) where he...
Mar 10, 2023•1 hr 18 min•Season 1Ep. 208
Did you know Frank Miller’s The Spirit isn’t the only Spirit movie out there? There’s also an almost unaired 1987 made-for-TV movie adaptation! And it also isn’t very good! Denny Colt (Sam J. Jones of Flash Gordon fame) is a straitlaced cop who comes to town to investigate the death of his mentor Sevrin (Philip Baker Hall). It has something to do with art and artifact forgery and he’s going to get to the bottom of it. But before he can even get started, he’s shot in the gut and falls off a pier....
Feb 24, 2023•1 hr 1 min•Season 1Ep. 207
Here we go again! Your Stupid Minds covers another much maligned Pinocchio movie, this time the 2022 Pinocchio directed by Robert Zemeckis and instantly dumped on Disney+. Geppetto (Tom Hanks) is a sad old man who makes a wooden boy named, you guessed it, Pinocchio (Benjamin Evan Ainsworth). Jiminy Cricket (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) is there, there’s the fox and the cat, Pleasure Island, Luke Evans appears, there’s a whale. You’ve seen the 1940 Pinocchio . You know the deal. Added to this one: a pup...
Feb 11, 2023•1 hr 41 min•Season 1Ep. 206
It’s Pinocchio season! With a new adaptation of the classic tale burning up awards and another… not , we decided to cover the baffling and much maligned Roberto Benigni Pinocchio from 2002! Geppetto (Carlo Giuffré) is a sad old man who makes a son out of wood. That boy comes to life as a middle aged Italian man (Benigni) and immediately gets into lots of hijinks. He’s unruly, hyperactive, doesn’t want to go to school, and loves candy. He leaves for weeks at a time to go on adventures where he’s ...
Jan 27, 2023•1 hr 35 min•Season 1Ep. 205
Your Stupid Minds kicks off 2023 with a movie that takes place in 2023 (so they say). The infamous 1974 film Zardoz , directed by John Boorman, fresh off Deliverance , and starring Sean Connery and Charlotte Rampling. Zed (Connery), a Brutal Exterminator commanded by the giant stone floating head god Zardoz to kill the Brutals as a form of population control, stows away on the giant floating head and finds himself in a bucolic village full of immortal hippies called the Eternals. The Eternals us...
Jan 13, 2023•1 hr 38 min•Season 1Ep. 204
