You, you are allowed, you are invited to check out our newest episode of Your Stupid Minds! After last episode's ghostly boat adventure, we head back to the open seas with 1988's Uninvited . Wall Street wiz Walter Graham (Ted Kord, Archangel from Airwolf and one of the bad guys in Street Asylum ) and his partner (George Kennedy) have a vague, illegal plan that the SEC is investigating, and the only thing they have to do to become ultra-rich is take Graham's yacht from Fort Lauderdale to the Caym...
Sep 13, 2018•1 hr 8 min•Ep. 146
Your Stupid Minds is back with a very special guest, Vanessa of the Square Roots Classic RPG Podcast ! She brought a Blu-ray from her collection with her, 2002's Ghost Ship ! Gabriel Byrne, Julianna Margulies, Isaiah Washington, a young Karl Urban, and two guys you don't know are back from a successful boat salvage when mysterious stranger Jack Ferriman (Desmond Harrington from Dexter ) offers them an opportunity to salvage a boat in the Bering Sea. The crew reluctantly take the opportunity to s...
Aug 21, 2018•1 hr 46 min•Ep. 145
By popular demand, Your Stupid Minds finally does Brenda Starr , the troubled Golan-Globus based-on-a-comic-strip-no-one-read film shot in 1986, completed in 1989, and released in 1992 about a hotshot reporter. Brenda Starr (Brooke Shields) is a star(r) reporter at the New York Flash . After getting the scoop on a German/Irish gangster Donovan O’Shea that results in her being hospitalized, her editor sends her on a mission to get the scoop on a rumored new water-based super fuel. She gets a tip ...
Aug 04, 2018•1 hr 22 min•Ep. 144
Your Stupid Minds reviews the movie that critics DON’T want you to see, the years-in-the-making pro mafia propaganda film starring a dimming Hollywood star: Gotti ! John Travolta assumes the titular role in some of the best wig work of his career. John Gotti is a low-level goon in the Gambino crime syndicate who gets the opportunity to move up the ranks through a targeted assassination. He kills the guy but completely borks the killing and goes to jail for the crime. He spends the rest of the mo...
Jul 12, 2018•1 hr 25 min•Ep. 143
Another early 90s moral decay police brutality movie with fascist overtones and mild sci-fi elements, it’s 1990’s Street Asylum , from director Gregory Dark, the man who brought you such classics as New Wave Hookers 4 , Hootermania , Let Me Tell Ya ‘Bout White Chicks , and Mandy Moore’s “Walk Me Home” music video (she presumably wants to have you walk her home so she isn’t murdered by cops). Arliss Ryder (Wings Hauser, again) is a good cop wanting to do better, so after getting shot in the lower...
Jun 26, 2018•57 min•Ep. 142
For no particular reason, here’s 2008’s Made of Honor , a romantic comedy starring Patrick Dempsey, Michelle Monaghan, and Kadeem “Dwayne Wayne” Hardison. Tom (Dempsey) and Hannah (Monaghan) meet in college when Tom nearly sexually assaults Hannah in a hilarious mistaken identity late 90s Halloween Bill Clinton related dorm prank. They exchange witty Hepburn/Tracy like banter and become best of friends. Ten years later, in the common day of pre-recession flip phone 2008, she’s a curator at the M...
May 31, 2018•1 hr 20 min•Ep. 141
Your Stupid Minds delves into the depths of Amazon Prime to find a scratchy VHS transfer television edit (for a channel that doesn’t exist) of 1991’s Blood Money (a.k.a. The Killer’s Edge ). Starring Wings Hauser (father of Cole), Academy Award nominee Karen Black ( Five Easy Pieces , Nashville ), and catcher’s mitt face himself, the late Robert Z’Dar ( Maniac Cop 2 , Soultaker ). Jack (Hauser) is a homicidal alcoholic with crippling PTSD, but he’s a cop so he’s the good guy. Miller (Z’Dar) is a...
May 18, 2018•1 hr 10 min•Ep. 140
Well after its Easter weekend release, Your Stupid Minds reviews the third and latest (final?) film in the God’s Not Dead franchise: God’s Not Dead: A Light in Darkness . Pastor Dave (David A.R. White) is released from prison after the last film’s pointless cliffhanger. The movie continues on a different path toward proving the existence of God: A struggle with a rural college over the presence of his church on campus. People are upset, for some reason, that they just discovered a church has bee...
Apr 20, 2018•1 hr 28 min•Ep. 139
Your Stupid Minds once again takes on a Cannon Picture (and separately, a movie somewhat focused on submission/domination) with 1987’s Gor , based on the fetishist fantasy science fiction books by John Norman. Cabot (Urbano Barberini) is a college professor whose lectures focus on magic rings that transport people to Counter-Earth, a planet that lies on the opposite side of Earth’s orbit and perpetually masked by the sun. After his girlfriend breaks up with him, Cabot gets into a car accident an...
Apr 05, 2018•1 hr 8 min•Ep. 138
Your Stupid Minds “celebrates” to release of Eli Roth’s Death Wish with a review of... not a Death Wish movie. Rather, prime yourself with our Death Wish 3 review and dig in to a non-Cannon Charles Bronson classic: The Evil That Men Do . Based on a not-so-good R. Lance Hill novel of the same name, Clement Molloch (Joseph Maher) is a war criminal and torture expert known as “The Doctor.” He contracts out himself to brutal dictatorships and enacts creative and gruesome ways to murder people. When ...
Mar 14, 2018•1 hr 12 min•Ep. 137
A mere eleven months after our previous descent into erotic millionaires gallivant-ing around, we're back to the grindstone with our review of Fifty Shades Freed ! Now that Ana has married hunky but troubled Christian, they're just gonna bone all day every day in their sex dungeon forever with no repercussions, right? But other handsome people have their own ideas! Smallville-alum Eric Johnson (Lana's meathead boyfriend) wants revenge on Christian and Ana! Because they ruined his career after he...
Feb 22, 2018•1 hr 25 min•Ep. 136
Your Stupid Minds finishes out its stunt casting double feature with the 1996 direct-to-video movie Breakaway , “starring” shamed figure skating star Tonya Harding. The sassy quotation marks are because she’s barely in the movie and her character serves almost no purpose. Myra (Teri Fruichantie) is a mob courier who goes out on her last job. Her boss doesn’t like that very much and instructs his nephew Nicky (Michael Garganese) to kill her. She escapes, along with the $300,000 she retrieved, and...
Feb 07, 2018•1 hr 15 min•Ep. 135
Your Stupid Minds presents a ‘90s stuntcasting double feature this month, starting with Skyscraper , which is Die Hard plus boobs plus helicopter and starring Anna Nicole Smith. Carrie Wisk (Smith) is a helicopter pilot for Helescort (which sounds like a prostitute delivery service) and married to LAPD cop Gordon (Richard Steinmetz). When she delivers some evil dudes to a downtown high rise, she arrives in the middle of a deadly game of cat and mouse. They try to recover the last piece of a supe...
Jan 16, 2018•1 hr 11 min•Ep. 134
Your Stupid Minds finishes out its series and the year with ABC Family’s 12 Dates of Christmas starring Amy Smart and Mark-Paul Gosselaar. Kate (Smart) is a single thirtysomething jerk who is trying to get back together with her ex-boyfriend during the holidays. While shopping for an expensive present for him, she is spritzed in the face with perfume by a careless clerk and knocked unconscious. She wakes up and goes on with her day, only to relive Christmas Eve over and over in a fashion that in...
Dec 26, 2017•1 hr 5 min
Special guests Valeah Beckwith and Danielle Nasr return to the podcast as we continue our Hallmark/Lifetime Christmas Movie series with the Lifetime/Netflix film The Spirit of Christmas . Kate (Kati Salowsky) is a high-powered big city workaholic lawyer from Boston who has no interest finding true love. Her goateed boss instructs her to go to a cozy rural bed and breakfast in order to appraise it for sale. The property has problems selling because it’s haunted by a hunky ghost murdered 95 years ...
Dec 15, 2017•1 hr 19 min•Ep. 132
It's the Holiday season, so Chris and Nick get into the spirit by crossing into the unexplored frontier that is... Hallmark Christmas movies! That's right, a series of Christmas-time reviews from people who are absolutely not the demographic for them! We begin with 2004's A Boyfriend for Christmas , where Holly (Kelli Williams of The Practice ) makes the titular Christmas wish as a child to a creepy Santa (Charles Durning, frequent Santa). A mere 20 years later, Holly meets Ryan (Patrick Muldoon...
Nov 29, 2017•1 hr 8 min•Ep. 131
Your Stupid Minds finishes off the Lesser Baldwin series with the 1994’s Showtime original high concept sci-fi porno Dead Weekend starring Stephen Baldwin. During a fake earthquake evacuation in a dystopian LA-like city, Weed (Baldwin) and Payne (David Rasche) are officers in the paramilitary police force assigned to catch a rogue alien while also murdering as many gang members as possible. Weed uses this opportunity to have sex with a strange woman in the woods, who, guess what, turns out the b...
Nov 15, 2017•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 130
Your Stupid Minds continues its Lesser Baldwin series with 1999’s forgettable and nearly unacquirable Desert Thunder . Directed by Jim Wynorski ( Vampirella , Chopping Mall ) and starring Daniel Baldwin, Desert Thunder is about a fictitious late ‘90s operation to bomb an Iraqi anthrax facility before Saddam can attack a major European city. Though the stakes are high, the film is mostly about Baldwin recruiting a team of misfits to fly F-14s in an abandoned Boy Scout summer camp in the San Berna...
Oct 22, 2017•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 129
Your Stupid Minds moves into our Lesser Baldwins series with the reasonably forgettable Fair Game . Based off the same crappy book as Cobra , Kate McQueen (Cindy Crawford) is a high-powered female Miami lawyer who’s shot at while jogging. She gives her statement to the swaggering and inexplicably Italian-American Det. Max Kirkpatrick (Billy Baldwin), which then sets off a series of elaborate tech-inspired terrorist assassination attempts on Kate’s life. Max must help her survive and find out who...
Sep 27, 2017•1 hr 33 min•Ep. 128
Your Stupid Minds finishes out the Cynthia Rothrock series with one of her most beloved films: China O’Brien ! No, it isn’t the story an Asian Irish fusion restaurant with sesame fish and chips and black and white rice pudding. It’s a kick-ass karate film in the style of Road House and Walking Tall . After city police officer China (Rothrock) is not punished for committing a justifiable homicide in self defense after an alley karate fight, she returns to her unnamed home town to pick up her deca...
Sep 01, 2017•1 hr 18 min•Ep. 137
Your Stupid Minds continues its ad hoc Cynthia Rothrock series with 2014’s Mercenaries in which she barely appears! A team of four incarcerated women (Zoë Bell, Kristanna Loken, Vivica A. Fox and Nicole Bilderback) are forced to save the president’s daughter from a crazed female terrorist (Brigitte Nielsen) an an Expendables -style mission at the behest of CIA agent Mona (Cynthia Rothrock). They travel to some middle Asian country (that looks nothing like Southern California) and ingratiate them...
Aug 09, 2017•1 hr 7 min•Ep. 126
Your Stupid Minds returns to one of its most-frequently used tags: martial arts! Join us, gentle listener, won't you (© Karina Longworth), as we travel to the world that was Hong Kong cinema in the 1980's, as brought to us by director Corey Yuen ( DOA: Dead or Alive , this amazing JCVD Russian kickboxer fight, The Transporter ), featuring our first but not last film featuring Cynthia Rothrock.
Jul 16, 2017•1 hr 22 min
Trigger Warning: Even though no children should ever listen to this podcast, there is a sequence where we talk at length and repeatedly about the 100% irrefutable fact that Santa Claus is not real. If you are an irresponsible parent whose children can listen to profanity-laced podcasts yet still hold onto the worldwide delusion as to the existence of a fat man who breaks into your house and gives you presents, you have been warned. Your Stupid Minds covers the third and therefore best entry in t...
Jun 27, 2017•1 hr 11 min
This time around Your Stupid Minds delves into the scary alternate universe science fiction dystopia in Pure Flix’s God’s Not Dead 2 . Producer and “Pastor Dave” David A.R. White returns with an all-star cast that dwarfs the middling 90s television actors of the first film (Dean Cain, Kevin Sorbo), with some people who can actually act. Grace Wesley (Melissa Joan Hart) is a saintly Christian high school history teacher who gets into hot water for answering a direct question about Jesus in her AP...
Jun 11, 2017•1 hr 13 min
Bad movie expert Nathan Smith returns to the podcast with another Uwe Boll masterpiece, his sophomore entry into his mid 2000s video game trilogy (I know he’s done more but House of the Dead , Alone in the Dark , and BloodRayne are the gold standard) Alone in the Dark ! Based on a computer game no one’s played, this one features Christian Slater as a globetrotting paranormal investigator, Tara Reid as an archeologist and expert in fictional ancient languages, and Stephen Dorff as the head of Bur...
May 27, 2017•1 hr 43 min
The Barbarian Twins Peter and Paul David (from The Barbarians ) return to the podcast. Instead of a Conan the Barbarian ripoff that showcases the fact they’re two buff twins, they’re now in a buddy cop comedy that showcases the fact they’re two buff twins. Peter Jade (Peter Paul) and David Jade (David Paul) are two buff twins whose life paths have diverged. David is a cop in an LA Raiders children’s sweatshirt and mom jeans, while Peter is a slick suit-wearing cat burglar. Despite their estrange...
May 12, 2017•1 hr 16 min
Your Stupid Minds delves into well-trodden bad movie territory with the notoriously terrible animated Italian film Titanic: The Legend Goes On . We may not have the annoying falsetto screech of The Nostalgia Critic, or the deep-seated racism of JonTron, but we do have notable animal lover and Chris’s sister Sarah Dobson back on the podcast. Angelica (Lisa Russo) is a lowly beautiful servant who looks strikingly like Anastasia. She meets the rich and handsome William (Mark Thompson-Ashworth) who ...
Apr 20, 2017•1 hr 22 min
In honor of the probably mediocre renter Ghost in the Shell coming to theaters, Your Stupid Minds reviewed something that kinda sounds like it: 1993’s Ghost in the Machine , starring Karen Allen ( Raiders of the Lost Ark , The Sandlot ), Chris Mulkey ( Twin Peaks ), and Jessica Walter ( Dr. Strange , Arrested Development ). The Address Book Killer (Ted Marcoux) is a local weirdo who works in a computer store. After acquiring Terry Munroe’s (Allen) partially digitized address book, he drives off ...
Apr 02, 2017•1 hr 10 min
Your Stupid Minds tries a semi-new release before the other big name bad movie podcasts can take a crack at it: Fifty Shades Darker ! Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) and Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) return per contractual obligation for this needless sequel to the passable first film Fifty Shades of Grey . Ana and Christian are broken up. And when you break up with someone, it’s important to just move on. Just kidding! You should buy several photographs of her at a public gallery, follow her ...
Mar 17, 2017•1 hr 20 min
Your Stupid Minds is staying political with 1996’s First Kid ? Haven’t you wanted to see what would happen if a snot-nosed child of the President of the United States teamed up with Sinbad? Your wish has come true! Luke Davenport (Brock Pierce) is the teenaged son of the president. He doesn’t get along with his current Secret Service agent, so Sam Simms (Sinbad) is assigned to his detail. He sneaks him out of the White House, teaches him how to fight against prep school bully Rob (Zachery Ty Bry...
Mar 03, 2017•1 hr 13 min
