Your Stupid Minds continues its summer sequels series (once you do three in a row it's a series) with the fourth and final Crow movie made as of 2014: The Crow: Wicked Prayer ! When tiny scumbag Jimmy Cuervo (Edward Furlong) is murdered by an all star team of Satanists, Cuervo is transformed by a magic crow into an instrument of embarrassingly dressed vengeance. Can pre-teen mall goth Crow overcome Tank from The Matrix, Tara Reid, MMA champion Tito Ortiz, and David Boreanaz over the course of on...
Jul 25, 2014•1 hr 3 min
We continue our ongoing Ayn Rand series with Atlas Shrugged II: The Strike . Many of you may remember us waxing political in our episode of the first installment, and by this point we stop perpetuating a New Criticism analysis and just dig right in to all aspects of the source material, especially authorial intent. For some inexplicable reason, the filmmakers completely recast everyone, replacing Taylor Schilling with an older Samantha Mathis. The third movie, which they’ve raised money for by m...
Jul 10, 2014•57 min
In honor of World Cup fever, we review the most ludicrous, vaguely soccer themed movie we could find. Air Bud returns (without the original Buddy) for the third installment of the franchise: Air Bud: World Pup ! Buddy and a kid who looks like Simon from 7th Heaven (Kevin Zegers) join the school’s new soccer team to impress their respective beaus: a fake British girl Emma (Brittany Paige Bouck), and her unspayed Golden Retriever. While Simon woos the girl with Natural Born Killers sunglasses and ...
Jun 26, 2014•1 hr
This time around on the Your Stupid Minds podcast we present Episode 0: the secret lost podcast pilot. We originally recorded Lucky Number Slevin as our first episode back in February 2012, but ended up recording a WHOPPING 35 minutes instead of the 20 we were originally going for, so we shelved this one for a rainy day. One of our most loathed movies, Lucky Number Slevin tells the needlessly complex and Tarantino-esque story of Slevin Kelevra (Josh Hartnett), a bath-toweled man with an impossib...
Jun 12, 2014•39 min
It's summer, and that means it's time for big budget blockbusters! Blockbusters like Godzilla vs. Hedorah , the overtly environmentalist smash hit kaiju film of 1971! Complete with jaunty gunslinger Godzilla, psychedelic hallucinations and dancing skeletons, and a drug-addled monster that feeds on pollution. Join us as we discuss the acting ability of a six year old, and wonder whether exposure to the smog monster has altered Godzilla's consciousness.
May 29, 2014•39 min
We return to our vague association with Kurt Wimmer and his 1996 revenge action film One Tough Bastard . Sort of like The Crow meets Hard to Kill , OTB (also called One Man’s Justice ) stars action star and washed out first round draft pick Brian Bosworth as his ex-wife and daughter are needlessly murdered by Marcus (Jeff Kober, resembling a C-Team Josh Brolin), the worst drug dealer in the world. He shoots The Boz and puts him in the hospital. Once awake from his brief but refreshing coma, The ...
May 16, 2014•1 hr 4 min
Journey with us, listener, back into the days before Jesus banned magic, back when crossbows and saddles were common. Journey with us to the land of the 1987 Conan rip-off, The Barbarians ! Because what's better than one enormously buff dude with poor enunciation? TWO identical buff dudes with poor enunciation! Peter and David Paul, aka the Barbarian Brothers, make their debut!
May 01, 2014•45 min
Pull on your cowboy boots and strap on your six-shooter, we’re going western this time around with Kris Kristofferson, Willie Nelson, Joan Severance, and Rip Torn in the nonsensically titled Another Pair of Aces: Three of a Kind. When Texas Ranger Rip Metcalf’s (played by Kristofferson, not Rip Torn) colleague and friend Captain Jack Parsons (who is played by Rip Torn) is accused of murder, it’s up to Rip 1 to clear his name. Noted gambler and character from the first movie Billy Roy “Ace” Rodri...
Apr 22, 2014•49 min
Your Stupid Minds celebrates its FIFTIETH episode. In keeping with our status as a cutting edge resource for all things camp, cult, genre, b, and otherwise considered bad movies, we went on a special podcast field trip to the Alamo Drafthouse for a special midnight screening of the newest entry into the bad movie canon: Fateful Findings ! Las Vegas filmmaker Neil Breen brings us his supernatural hacker romance thriller. The protagonist (played by, who else, Neil Breen) gets into a car accident a...
Apr 04, 2014•54 min
Music video director Joseph Kahn directs Torque , a high octane action extravaganza starring Ice Cube, Adam Scott, Jaime Pressly, and Brad Pitt (lookalike Martin Henderson). Just in case you didn’t know this wasn’t from the early 2000s, Kahn is sure to add some Dane Cook, Kid Rock, crappy CGI, and Nickelback to top everything off. Taking place in a presumably post-apocalyptic California run by biker gangs, our hero Ford returns after a mysterious trip to Thailand to retrieve some drugs he stole ...
Mar 14, 2014•40 min
Alan Quatermain and Golan-Globus return to the podcast with 1985's King Solomon's Mines! Richard Chamberlin, Sharon Stone, and John Rhys-Davies star in this low-budget ripoff of Raiders of the Lost Ark . Alan Quatermain and Jesse Huston must traipse across the African continent to rescue her repeatedly beaten elderly father, who's been kidnapped by World War I era Germans (NOT Nazis) so he can divulge the whereabouts of King Solomon's mines. Using planes, trains, and automobiles, they get to the...
Feb 28, 2014•1 hr 2 min
It's your favorite secret lesbian romcom spy movie, 2004's D.E.B.S. ! About a foursome of teenage superspies recruited through the SAT and whose personalities are dictated by skirt length. D.E.B.S. looks like your run-of-the-mill pre-teen romp, but it may actually belong in the LGBT section of your local movie rental store which may or may not exist in your town. Lucy Diamond ( Fast & Furious 's Jordana Brewser) is an infamous thief specializing in jewels and large sacks with dollar signs on...
Feb 14, 2014•56 min
Your Stupid Minds makes its triumphant return to the "family" genre with another talking dog movie in the spirit of our Cool Dog episode: it's Bailey's Billion$ ! Jon Lovitz plays Bailey, a talking dog that only Theo Maxwell (Dean Cain, Lois and Clark:The New Adventures of Superman ) can understand. Can Bailey help Theo set up a triple love connection between Bailey and another dog, Theo and beautiful animal rights advocate Marge Maggs (Laurie Holden, The Walking Dead ), and creepy weird kid Max...
Jan 31, 2014•1 hr 1 min
Travel back with us as we appreciate 25 things that only 90s kids will get: all of which take place in the movie Generation X ! A mere four short years before Fox's breakout hit X-Men (nearly 300 million worldwide), came Generation X (0 dollars worldwide), the final Marvel film made by New World Pictures, the former owners of Marvel Comics and the studio that gave us The Punisher , Captain America , and The Fantastic Four (New World was bought out by 20th Century Fox in 1997). Unlike Fantastic F...
Jan 17, 2014•59 min
Our first foray into the pudgy ponytailed Judo master Steven Seagal, it’s one of his earliest films: Hard to Kill ! Mason Storm is the greatest cop in the world, fantastic father, amazing lover, and extremely well hung. When he’s gunned down by the mob while having hot sex with his gorgeous wife, he’s in a coma for seven years and misses the transition of one (1) president. He awakens in 1990 to find the mob still after him, and his British nurse (Kelly LeBrock) hitting on his unconscious body. ...
Jan 03, 2014•51 min
From the studio that brought you the Lord of the Rings trilogy, it's the vastly inferior fantasy tale Dungeons & Dragons ! Taking a cue from Star Wars (by which we mean ripped off wholesale), D&D tells the story of the thief Ridley (Justin Whalen) and his cowardly black stereotype friend Snails (Marlon Wayans). The pair teams up with a mage, dwarf, and elf to get a map to acquire the jewel to get the rod to do something or whatever. Also starring Thora Birch as the Amidala-like empress, ...
Dec 20, 2013•50 min
If you enjoy Pulp Fiction , you'll love our latest review: American Strays ! It's a movie that feels like a grad school writing project written the day after watching Pulp Fiction! Like Pulp Fiction, it features an all-star ensemble cast, as Eric Roberts ( DOA , The Expendables ), Sam Jones ( Flash Gordon ), Luke Perry ( 90210 ), John Savage ( The Godfather Part 3 ), Scott Plank (recurring on Melrose Place ), Jennifer Tilly ( Bride of Chucky ), and Carol Kane ( everything ) all feature in severa...
Dec 06, 2013•58 min
We finally cover the much maligned, needlessly complex, and American-ified The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen starring Sean Connery in his last big-screen role. Sloppily adapted from an Alan Moore comic, LXG as Moore would not want to call it is about a group of British literary characters who form the first super team at the end of the 19th century. Allan Quatermain, Mina Harker, Dorian Gray, the Invisible Man, Mr. Hyde, Captain Nemo and (sigh) Tom Sawyer team up to stop the Fantom, who seek...
Nov 14, 2013•50 min
You WILL get fooled again… with another vampire episode before we finish out October. It's the exploitation direct-to-Showtime comic book adaptation, 1996's Vampirella . On the planet Drakulon, featuring a race of alien Vampires that drinks rivers of blood, Vampirella (Talisa Soto, a.k.a. Kitana from Mortal Kombat ) travels to earth to avenge her father's murder by the puffy-shirted Vlad (Roger Daltrey of The Who/YEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH). The sexily dressed vamp retains none of the weaknesses of Vlad's...
Oct 31, 2013•49 min
Dario Argento returns with his unique take on the well-traversed Dracula story... but this time in 3D! Daughter Asia Argento and Rutger Hauer get in on the fun as we explore the wonders of CGI wolves, horrible French accents, poorly-designed jails, nudity, partially rendered computer animation, and giant killer praying mantises. Everything you remember from Bram Stoker's seminal work! The always hilarious Adam Pecht guest stars in this episode.
Oct 18, 2013•1 hr 1 min
One of the most infuriating movies of all time, it's Miley Cyrus's vanity project LOL ! About a bunch of privileged, Adonis-like bourgeois white kids from inner-city Chicago, LOL sets itself up as social commentary and then never delivers. Featuring Queen Twerker Miley Cyrus as the obnoxious Lola, the film putters around for a while before deciding to include a trip to 18th century France and an obligatory third act battle of the bands.
Oct 04, 2013•47 min
Your Stupid Minds returns to its roots with a very special "wrestler" themed podcast as we review the 2000 buddy/road movie/wrestling commercial Ready to Rumble . David Arquette and Scott Caan play two... sanitation workers(?) that love wrestling, and when evil promoter Titus Sinclair (Joe Pantoliano) performs a classic "screwjob" to take the belt from their hero, Jimmy King (Oliver Platt), the two help to train King for his big re-match with the evil Diamond Dallas Page.
Sep 20, 2013•45 min
By listener request, it's 2003's epic Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez flop Gigli ! Two low-level mobsters kidnap the mentally handicapped brother (Justin Bartha) of the District Attorney and house him in Ben Affleck's lush Los Angeles condo. Meanwhile Jennifer Lopez goes on long rambling rants about how great her vagina is, and Justin Bartha sings "Baby Got Back" in mentally handicapped blackface. We discuss Al Pacino's descent into acting madness, the unrealistic stage-y nature of this film, its...
Sep 06, 2013•49 min
Jonah Hex begs the question "Is an 81 minute movie with no plot still a movie?" Starring Josh Brolin, John Malkovich, Megan Fox, and Michael Fassbender, Hex goes after Quentin Turnbull, the man who murdered his family and scarred his face. Meanwhile Turnbull executes a series of daring raids to assemble a superweapon designed by none-other than famous inventor guy Eli Whitney! Our special guest Pat Regan, who portrayed an extra in the film, provides us with exclusive anecdotes from the set, be i...
Aug 25, 2013•43 min
It's Who Framed Roger Rabbit for perverts: 1992's Cool World ! Holli Would (Kim Basinger), a nymphomaniac cartoon character attempts to seduce Jack Deebs (Gabriel Byrne), a hugely popular comic book creator who may be suffering from mental problems. Holli draws Jack into the "cool world," a horrible nightmare world where cartoon characters murder each other all day. Meanwhile Detective Frank Harris (Pitt) tries to keep the peace and enforce the most important law of Cool World: that noids (human...
Aug 09, 2013•35 min
Stock up on quarters and let's head down to the arcade. It's Uwe Boll's first foray into the video game movie with 2003's House of the Dead . A group of teenage 20-something 30 year olds bribe a cartoonish fisherman (Clint Howard) and a grizzled U-Boat captain (Jürgen Prochnow) into taking them to an island in the Pacific Northwest for the most awesomest daytime rave coastal British Columbia has ever seen! They're attacked by zombies and an insane Spanish scientist who wants to be immortal by li...
Aug 01, 2013•1 hr 5 min
We prep for this weekend's Pacific Rim with the OTHER non-Japanese live-action robot fighting movie: Stuart Gordon's Robot Jox ! In a post apocalyptic world where war is banned, noted illiterate Achilles (Gary Graham) wows the drunken NASCAR crowd with his elite robot fighting skills against the thinly-veiled Soviet Alexander (Paul Koslo), as they duke it out for precious Alaskan resources. Also there is a robot chainsaw penis.
Jul 11, 2013•46 min
Special guest and resident James Bond expert Vincent Goodwin picks one of his most loathed 007 films: 1977's The Spy Who Loved Me . Starring Roger Moore as Bond, and Ringo Starr's coked-out wife Barbara Bach as the porno inspired Agent XXX, this one features the super-ish villain Stromberg as he kidnaps way more nuclear subs than he needs in order to fulfill his lifelong fantasy of a world under the sea. The film also introduces the metal-toothed Jaws (Richard Kiel) and makes very little sense, ...
Jun 26, 2013•48 min
M. Night Shyamalan writes and directs this adaptation of the popular Nickelodean show. It has the same skilled writing and energized fight scenes as the show except not at all. It's actually a stilted rushed mess that muddies up the quality of the source material, laden with lazy exposition and non-sensical character mood swings. And everyone mispronounces their own names. Starring the kid from Slumdog Millionaire and no one else.
Jun 15, 2013•38 min
The dour looking woman from Men in Black and Dogma (Linda Fiorentino) and David Caruso (YEEEAAAAHHHHHHH!!!) star in this Joe Eszterhas-penned William Friedkin directed erotic thriller about a detective Assistant District Attorney investigating his ex-girlfriend as a possible murderer. Aside being very well shot, and some really awesome car chases, this leaves something to be desired. The ending is also especially infuriating.
Jun 03, 2013•40 min
