Patrick Regan returns to Your Stupid Minds after his appearance in Jonah Hex (both the episode and the movie) to help us review Universal’s 2010 flop The Wolfman (back when Universal used to make flops). This episode is part of our de facto ghoulish Halloween theme, when we review some scary movies in October and then go back to other things. Lawrence Talbot (played by the excessively British Benicio Del Toro) receives a visit from his sister-in-law Gwen (Emily Blunt), who tells him his brother ...
Oct 17, 2015•1 hr 12 min
Your Stupid Minds returns to 1990s children’s movies with Disney’s Blank Check ! Featuring threats of murder, smoking, horrible parenting, potential statutory rape, and Michael Lerner. Twelve year old Preston Waters (Brian Bonsall) has it rough. He never has enough tokens for the roller coasters at Fiesta Texas, his parents don’t respect him, and his annoying brothers are allowed to set up a home office is his penthouse-sized bedroom. Fortunately a run in with a criminal (Miguel Ferrer) grants h...
Oct 04, 2015•1 hr 9 min
Based on the 1990s flight simulator computer game (and not Space Invaders), Wing Commander is a modestly budgeted space opera set before an impending alien invasion. Starring Freddie Prinze Jr., Saffron Burrows, Matthew Lillard, Jürgen Prochnow, and Malcolm McDowell replacement David Warner, the film is largely a Star Wars ripoff injected with overt references to Star Trek , Das Boot , Battlestar Galactica , Top Gun , and whatever else director and game creator Chris Roberts could get away with....
Sep 19, 2015•1 hr
The summer ninja series has come to a close. We now return to our regular pre-May programming with a Your Stupid Minds mainstay: a movie with a basketball player! Dennis Rodman stars in arguably the worst of his two action movie vehicles: Simon Sez . Fresh off the heels of Double Team starring Jean-Claude Van Damme and Mickey Rourke, Rodman returns to (or remains in) France to make this action spy comedy. Simon (Rodman) is a freelance Interpol agent working to uncover a mysterious arms deal with...
Sep 05, 2015•54 min
Your Stupid Minds finishes off the summer ninja series with a ninja movie of the teenage mutant turtle variety: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III ! Our heroes in a half shell (or full shell, if you want to be accurate) return for their final non Michael Bay film appearance. When a magical lantern transports April (Paige Turco) back in time to 17th century feudal Japan (and the prince Kenshin takes per place), the turtles must travel back to save her. The turtles almost immediately muck everything...
Aug 22, 2015•1 hr 7 min
More ninja movies! The post-production company Big Boss Creative wanted to break into the lucrative direct-to-DVD racket, so they asked distributors what they wanted to sell. Their questions were answered with the mixed bag of “ninjas,” “post-apocalypse,” “zombies,” and “The Warriors,” so they slapped all of those ideas together into an 82 page script, added some cheap After Effects CGI, and made Ninja Apocalypse . Starring some stunt men who were available in the greater Los Angeles Metropolita...
Aug 07, 2015•52 min
More ninja movies on Your Stupid Minds! This time we attempted to find an underwhelming movie to put an end to this ninja episode massacre. We thought we had a perfect candidate with 1995’s The Hunted starring Christopher Lambert in his first non-Highlander movie on YSM. As it turns out, this movie is great! Paul Richie (Lambert) travels to Nagoya Japan on business and has a lovely date with Kirina (Joan Chen), a supposedly Japanese woman despite being obviously Chinese. After a date in the park...
Jul 24, 2015•57 min
Another ninja movie! This time with actual ninjas and not some snot-nosed kids, it’s the Cannon Group’s Ninja III: The Domination ! Offering little to no continuity to its predecessors Enter the Ninja and Revenge of the Ninja , Ninja III involves a headstrong telephone company employee/aerobics instructor Christie (Lucinda Dickey) possessed by the ghost of a mystical ninja who recently went on a cop killing spree at a nearby municipal golf course. After some questionably strong seduction tactics...
Jul 04, 2015•50 min
Your Stupid Minds continues its unofficial ninja theme with a film that, despite having “Ninja” in the title, essentially has karate action masquerading as ninjutsu. 3 Ninjas Knuckle Up is the third film in the 3 Ninjas franchise and contains all of the original cast members! Shot almost concurrently with the first film, before a legal dispute forced the producers to shelve it and recast two of the kids in 3 Ninjas Kick Back , Knuckle Up was finally released three years after the original with m...
Jun 20, 2015•1 hr
It’s a long time coming for this Your Stupid Minds Essential Viewing List (YSMEVL), but we finally got around to reviewing 1987’s resurrected martial arts masterpiece, Miami Connection starring Orlando’s own native-by-transplant son, taekwondo master instructor Y.K. Kim. The film received a second life when Alamo Drafthouse programmer Zack Carlson made a $50 eBay bid on a lark for the 35mm print. It was such a hit that the Drafthouse began distributing it, and it quickly became a cult classic. I...
Jun 07, 2015•54 min
Your Stupids Minds attempts to right the wrongs of the past by finally reviewing one of our favorite bad movies, 1991’s macho martial arts masterpiece Showdown in Little Tokyo . Running at a brisk 79 minutes and starring YSM favorite Dolph Lundgren ( Rocky IV , Masters of the Universe , In the Name of the King 2: Two Worlds ), as well as Brandon Lee ( The Crow ), Tia Carrere ( Wayne’s World ) and Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa ( Elektra , Mortal Kombat ), Showdown is about a giant blonde Swede Nipponophil...
May 22, 2015•1 hr 9 min
On the heels of Free Comic Book Day and the release of the new Avengers movie, here's a comic movie most people barely remember: Elektra ! When fearless assassin Elektra (Jennifer Garner) is tasked with assassinating a hunky father and his middle-school-aged daughter, will she be able to carry out the assignment, or will she wuss out? And what will she do when the Hand calls in a hit squad led by Kirigi ( Torque 's Will Yun Lee) to finish off the father/daughter? Probably engage them in karate f...
May 10, 2015•58 min
This week, YSM tackles the truly bizarre buddy cop/talking dinosaur movie Theodore Rex . Join us as we wonder whether writer/director Jonathan Betuel got an uncredited plot assist from his four-year-old nephew Tommy and whether Theodore Rex is the most annoying 90s “poochie” protagonist we’ve ever covered. In the near-future, human-sized dinosaurs have been brought back by an eccentric German scientist just to see if he can. Now, the scientist is planning to start another ice age in order to bri...
Apr 25, 2015•1 hr
Though we didn't know when we picked this movie that an actual maniac cop would dominate the recent news, it's apropos enough that our episode this time around is Maniac Cop 2 starring the late, great Robert Z'Dar. After hero cop Matthew Cordell (Z'Dar) is murdered by some corrupt police officers, he comes back as a super strong brain dead zombie cop who kills other cops. When Jack Forrest (Bruce Campbell) and his girlfriend Teresa Mallory (Laurene Landon) drop him into water in the first movie,...
Apr 10, 2015•1 hr
Your Stupid Minds continues its series on "children's movies no one has ever seen involving talking/hyper intelligent pets" with the somewhat Wishbone ripoff How I Saved the President (or The Undercover Kid ). Precocious kid Max Anderson (Bradley Pierce) is in a stifling home environment, which he copes with by talking to his cat Nellie (Victoria Jackson) and Jack Russell Terrier Bo (played by Robert Knepper and Barkley the Dog, respectively). When a foreign-sounding German Shepherd at the park ...
Mar 27, 2015•1 hr 3 min
After a month of reviewing big budget sequels starring some of our favorite actors, we at Your Stupid Minds decided to scale back to a nice zero-budget drama written, directed, and starring one of our favorite auteurs. Yes, we return to Neil Breen, the writer/director/producer/star/visionary behind Fateful Findings , one of our favorite movies of last year (yes, we know it technically came out in 2013). This time, it’s I Am Here.... Now , a morality play about a godlike alien being as he hassles...
Mar 14, 2015•57 min
It’s our follow-up to “Academy Award nominees appearing in cash-grab sequels,” as we follow Batman Returns with The Lost World: Jurassic Park , featuring Academy Award Nominee Julianne Moore! Several years after the events of the first film, the almost unrecognizable Dr. Ian Malcolm heads to a second, “lost” island where the dinosaurs have flourished in isolation to find Sarah (Moore), his dino expert girlfriend. For no reason, his 12-13 year old daughter tags along. But the environmental observ...
Feb 21, 2015•1 hr 19 min
Your Stupid Minds returns to the well of goofy comic book movies; this time, it's that movie that you never think about but remember being sort of good: Batman Returns ! It's the Ghostbusters 2 of a new generation! It's also the return of Academy Award favorite Michael Keaton to the podcast. Was his performance in Birdman better than Jack Frost ? You tell us! Join Chris, Nick, and returning guest Vincent Goodwin as we address the wall-to-wall strange choices that helped propel Batman Returns to ...
Feb 06, 2015•1 hr 23 min
Your Stupid Minds finally finishes the epic Ayn Rand film trilogy with our podcast review of Atlas Shrugged Part III: Who Is John Galt? Two box office bombs weren’t going to stop the producers of Atlas Shrugged, so after a Kickstarter campaign and a second complete recast, the series is finally complete. Hear our reviews of Part I and Part II for a more holistic experience. After Dagny Taggart (Laura Regan) crashes her plane while searching for Galt’s Gulch, she finally finds John Galt himself (...
Jan 22, 2015•53 min
Happy New Year from Your Stupid Minds! We start off the new year right with a return to Slam Dunk Fun! This time we have Freaky Friday meets Like Mike meets that part in Space Jam when all the superstars lose their basketball abilities: 2012’s Thunderstruck starring NBA all-star Kevin Durant! A 16 year old basketball fan (who acts 10) is comically terrible at basketball, and after an exchange with Durant at an Oklahoma City Thunder game, is magically imbued with his amazing basketball skills! Th...
Jan 02, 2015•51 min
Your Stupid Minds returns from a brief hiatus to provide yet another Cannon Group/Golan-Globus movie, this time riding the coattails of the sensational news story of the Legion of Doom vigilante group at R.L. Paschal High School in Fort Worth. Dangerously Close was the low-budget theatrical version released one week before the made-for-TV movie of the same subject, The Brotherhood of Justice , starring future heartthrobs Keanu Reeves, Kiefer Sutherland, Lori Loughlin, and Billy Zane. Dangerously...
Dec 19, 2014•55 min
Digest the day away with our newest podcast episode: 1996’s The Phantom starring buff tan Billy Zane. Evil 1930s guy Xander Drax (Treat Williams) tries to get three powerful shiny skulls so he can shoot a bunch of people with skull lasers. He enlists the help of secret cult member and all-around goon Quill (James Remar) and perpetually catsuit-clad aviatrix Sala (Catherine Zeta-Jones) to jet set around the globe to New York sets, jungle caves, and uncharted pirate islands. The Phantom (Billy Zan...
Nov 28, 2014•59 min
After going months without reviewing a Cannon/Golan-Globus film, we finally snapped and watched Link , the story of an ape that doesn't seem to understand when a young Elizabeth Shue isn't interested in him that way. Shue plays Jane (of course), a chimp apologist and student who volunteers to work with Professor Steven Phillip (Terrence Stamp)'s chimps at his remote country estate. She's greeted at the door by Link, an orangutan in chimp-makeup, and quickly befriends the various chimps, disappro...
Nov 14, 2014•54 min
A special Halloween episode with one of the worst movies we’ve ever reviewed! Have you ever thought “you know, I really like those Leprechaun movies with Warwick Davis, except I wish he couldn’t talk and was a monster instead of a leprechaun”? Well you’re in luck! WWE Studios acquired the franchise, cast dwarf wrestling novelty act Hornswoggle, plastered him all over the marketing materials, and then put him in a disgusting full body costume and gave him no lines. The result is a lazy generic sl...
Oct 31, 2014•50 min
We continue our October scary-movie-a-thon-thing with the terrifying and impossible to alphabetize cyber thriller .com for Murder . Directed by schlock semi-master Nico Mastorakis, this ripoff of Halloween , Psycho , Rear Window , etc. stars Nastassja Kinski ( Cat People ), Nicollette Sheridan (former Michael Bolton paramour), Roger Daltrey ( Vampirella , The Who), and Huey Lewis (of the News). When hotshot architect Ben (Daltrey) leaves his temporarily handicapped wive Sondra (Kinski) in the ca...
Oct 16, 2014•56 min
Your Stupid Minds reviews SCARY MOVIES throughout October, so cover your eyes and prepare yourself for the spookiest jump scares and bloodless murders that the MPAA will allow at this particular rating threshhold. It’s Rupert Wainwright’s dull remake of John Carpenter’s somewhat flawed The Fog , but instead of early 80s suspense it’s a mid-2000s Trajan-fonted teen slasher! Nick Castle ( Smallville ’s Tom Welling) is a boat guy on the small Antonio Island, off the coast of Oregon. He takes touris...
Oct 03, 2014•57 min
Your Stupid Minds reviews a poorly titled action thriller In the Blood , starring former MMA standout turned action movie heroine Gina Carano. Join us as we discuss the long-awaited return of Danny Trejo, after literally three episodes without an appearance. Carano marries a bland, blonde, handsome son of a rich businessman (Treat Williams), and after he is kidnapped during a bizarrely intricate plot, she becomes the top suspect of island law enforcement led by Luis Guzmán. Will Gina find her hu...
Sep 19, 2014•1 hr
We go back to our B movie roots with an independent sci-fi monster flick shot right here in the heart of Austin, Texas: 1985’s Future-Kill . Despite its ultra low budget and muddy cinematography, the filmmakers somehow convinced famed surrealist artist H.R. Giger to create the poster image, which is far and away a hundred times better than anything in the actual movie. Giger’s rendering of the main villain “Splatter” is mysterious, ghostly, and terrifying. Future-Kill ’s Splatter looks like a sc...
Sep 05, 2014•50 min
The sequel everyone in 1989 had been demanding (it actually knocked Rain Man off the top of the box office charts), it's The Fly II ! Featuring... one guy from the previous film, and some video footage of Jeff Goldblum as the Fly on VHS. When Geena Davis's character from the original film dies in childbirth, evil businessman/science enthusiast Anton Bartok (Lee Richardson), has the baby raised in a lab, where he grows at super speed into the brilliant but somewhat awkward Eric Stoltz. Bartok hir...
Aug 23, 2014•48 min
We continue our theme of “Unnecessary Sequels Readily Available on Netflix Which Involve Immortality, Resurrection, and Christian-motifed Revenge Plots” to bring you our second reviewed Highlander movie: Highlander: Endgame ! Wiping away all memories of Highlander II: The Quickening , Endgame brings in the star of the Highlander television series Duncan MacLeod (Adrian Paul) as he carries the torch from the ridiculously haircutted Connor McLeod (Christopher Lambert). Evil highlander Jacob Kell (...
Aug 08, 2014•51 min
