On this episode, turbo white trash sunglasses aficionado, Tom, and vengeful dishwasher/landscaper for the totally not racist Miller gubernatorial administration, V, draft an award-winning choose your own suicide adventure note in which, after a couple of pages of reading, the reader faces two or three options, each of which leads to more options, and then to one of many endings (including coloring pages and pop-up imagery throughout). Tom is rebranded a furtive fallacist, but purposely spells it...
Oct 01, 2021•1 hr 57 min
On this episode, shallow grave-digging serial killer, Tom, and 9/11 Airlines pilot, V, tell you the ONE thing you can do to get your ass whipped by an aging astronaut. Tom is nominated to be the face used on the newly minted Gay Dollar, and V witnesses a marvelous, shining light cast upon his VR headset indicating he needs to go masturbate.
Oct 01, 2021•2 hr 7 min
On this episode, closed circuit camera companies hate them: grieving father about to speak on the news but just heard a really funny dead baby joke, Tom, and elderly actor who was either feeding his cats, leaving for the diner, looking out his window, or returning from a walk when tragedy struck, V, show you how to move 600 bodies by a multimillion dollar security system in broad daylight with one simple trick! Tom snuggles Adam Lanza to completion (whatever that means), and V tells random women...
Oct 01, 2021•2 hr 2 min
On this episode, sexy reverse pedophile with a bowl cut and drop fade in the mid-90s, Tom, and murder-frack-drill oil hoarder on a quest to strip the earth of her natural resources, V, hose down all the sex robots and cut the ribbons on their newly constructed Gynoid Red Light Districts. Tom appoints loveable rascal Alex Jones to the State Department, and V demands action in response to the gay bee epidemic.
Oct 01, 2021•2 hr
On this episode, vax-curious candidate for president, Tom, and his vaxophobic campaign manager, V, promise to take flight in the newly renamed presidential air craft, the Danger Zone One, and break every rule in the Nuremberg Code during the first 100 days of the Millalobos Administration. Tom forces all the dead people in government to finally retire, and V scours the federal law and accounting books, as well as all the applicable constitutional documents, in an effort to find any loophole that...
Oct 01, 2021•2 hr 3 min
On this episode, clumsy Chernobyl reactor engineer, Tom, and mediocre bridge construction contractor who lost his dog through no fault of his own, V, wander the West Virginia countryside looking for impending apocalyptic events to foretell. Tom solves the national budget crisis merely by charging a "very fair" $5 ticket price at the National Gallery of Art in Washington, D.C., and V conducts on-the-job training for the new human resources coordinator John Mothman.
Jul 29, 2021•2 hr 13 min
On this episode, big-dicked, muscular and unshaven Sailor Moon, Tom, and the gold chain and fur coat-wearing Crystal Gem pimp Stephen Universe, V, reboot Cartoon Network's late 90's flagship animated series as the Powerbuff Boys in order to swing the pendulum back on the hardcore gay-ening occurring in modern television and film. Tom flexes and overextends his N-word pass with his new found 1/30th black ancestry, and V gives the most favorable review of Captain Marvel by saying, "That movie, in ...
Jul 20, 2021•1 hr 26 min
On this episode, newly club-footed sheriff's deputy, Tom, and what is obviously the charred remains of a ruined pegasus stuffed animal, V, are joined by the manifestation of a disembodied whinny from the ghost riders in the sky, Moondog, for five terrifying and titillating tales of torture, tribulation, and trepidation. Tom stands before the horse devil for unforgiven equestrian sins, V is awarded the bronze medal in the cloven hoof long jump, and Moondog returns home to find his parents surroun...
Jul 20, 2021•2 hr 14 min
On this episode, Congressman Crenshaw's prosthetic ribbon fashion designer, Tom, and the handicapped, gun-slinging governor of post-alien invasion Texas, V, develop a plan to turn the tables on the alien menaces...menaci...menaseeses with the help of their faithful running crew in the livestream chat. Tom gets caught watching Lady Dimitrescu porn while manning the operations tent on team Tent Tent Tent 6, V needs Soldiers, he doesn't need anybody else but SOLDIERS on team Smegma Force 6, and Mat...
Jul 20, 2021•1 hr 58 min
On this episode, squishy-faced Super Bowl halftime show performer/Sri Lankan sweatshop clothing line manager, Tom, and belly-stabbing former crack dealer/funny-looking jet ski rider, V, make circumstantial, but absolutely plausible, accusations about our nation's royalty in the film industry. Tom confesses his unconditional support for the light whereof hath kindled heavenly fire, Hunter Biden, and V marvels at wondrous sight of the celestial hue surrounding Keanu Reeves.
Jun 10, 2021•2 hr 6 min
On this episode, gibbering, pot-bellied, buck-toothed pervert, Tom, and unique grotesquerie squeezed into a skintight rabbit suit, V, go on a schizophrenic rampage at the Planned Parenthood clinic when their abortion isn't delivered in 30 minutes or less. Tom is awarded taxpayer money for his paper entitled "Glaciers, gender, and science: A feminist glaciology framework for global environmental change research," and V conquers the world to lower the cost of cell phone batteries.
Jun 04, 2021•2 hr 4 min
On this episode, inventor of the rapid dissolve stamp adhesive, Tom, and Bill Gates' breast augmentation reconstructive surgeon, V, are joined by four-time disgraced dildo company CEO, Jerry (last heard on the forbidden You Had Me at Skippy episode), as they rain on the TikTok nurse parade and tear down the champions of the COVID-19 vaccination efforts. Tom graduates magna cum laude from University of Phoenix online, V goes to his doctor regarding a sharp side in his pain after visiting a vaccin...
May 27, 2021•3 hr 5 min
On this episode, Chinese farmer and bigfoot hair stylist, Tom, and grand hedonist who will do anything for love (but he won't do that), V, wake up in a bathtub full of ice with no kidneys after following a convincing conman who promised the ability to travel the universe using magic. Tom wanders the halls of a nervous hospital looking for answers to the the great theological questions of our time, and V takes up his cross for the furry community in order to ensure their eternal salvation.
May 20, 2021•2 hr 4 min
In the epic conclusion of the M Files Series, 6'4" Vice President with an axe to grind, Tom, and mob-associated musician who lost his best bud, V, brush the brains off the trunk and hop into their Lincoln Continental for a cruise through 1963 Dealey Plaza. Tom questions the integrity of coroners, medical examiners, and morticians alike, while V confesses that he might be a Lee Harvey Oswald apologist.
May 13, 2021•2 hr 10 min
Continuing the M Files Series after several weeks of being sidetracked, Russian electromagnetism physicist of the KGB, Tom, and the rainbow coat-wearing vizier to the pharaoh, V, utilize the scientific method of asking whether or not the majesty of the pyramids strike wonder in their hearts while considering the origins and purposes of the ancient structures around the world. Tom stands up for the misunderstood billionaires and tyrannical world leaders of our time, and V becomes a pyramid consul...
Apr 22, 2021•2 hr 4 min
On this episode, mark of the beast dodging doublethinker, Tom, and social humanoid robot developed by Hong Kong-based company Hanson Robotics, V, blow off the episode topic for another week so they can downplay the accomplishments of mankind and answer life's greatest ethical questions. Tom justifies his cognitive dissonance regarding the objective value of human life, and V is asked to splice human and animal DNA on this the day of his daughter's wedding.
Apr 10, 2021•2 hr 26 min
On this episode, simp-shaming racist, Tom, and midget rape apologist, V, get taken down by their FBI bro for failing to address him in the chat. Tom tells his own version of the Aristocrats joke, and V lays down the law on full body manscaping.
Apr 02, 2021•58 min
On this episode, green suit-wearing pun master and Batman villain, Tom, and mysterious, highly sought mountain top source of all wisdom, V, celebrate Quadriplegic History Month with a livestream Q&A session. Tom spit-roasts some fall-off-the-bone rotisserie skunk ape, and V drops a 100,000,000° hip hop album.
Mar 04, 2021•2 hr 18 min
On this episode, quarter-cocked non-participant in the January 6th capitol insurrection, Tom, and San Bernardino county beatboxing championship runner-up, V, whip out their throbbing GDPenises in front of the U.N. to establish future Star Trek world dominance. Tom discovers the terrifying secret to determining if a woman has had multiple abortions, and V fails the Schutzstaffel physical for having the wrong color hair, eyes, and not being white enough.
Feb 25, 2021•2 hr 22 min
On this episode, recently laid off Alderaanian shock trooper, Tom, and exiled 1990's Greek demigod, V, flip-flop and bicker over the deep philosophical messages hidden within Kevin Smith's cinematic masterpiece "Yoga Hoosiers." Tom, among other things, kisses a naked corpse in the woods, and V is removed from his position as a Sprint customer service representative for answering every call with, "Wuzzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!"
Feb 25, 2021•2 hr 12 min
On this episode, spike-impaled towel boy to the Order of the Dragon, Tom, and the blood-chugging president of Transylvania who would live long enough to be impeached twice, V, mix up a tasty cocktail of hepatitis C positive bloody Marys to play a vampire-related drinking game. Tom blames his rabies, missing church, and general bad attitude on vampirism, and V drafts a business plan for a very specific vampire-friendly braces mail-order delivery service.
Feb 12, 2021•2 hr 21 min
On this episode, Der Fuehrer of the Goatse Party, Tom, and the 16th century Beetlejuice-like summoning of V charter a Cuban door boat to sail the Bermuda Triangle on a voyage to find the only other user on the Ladius app. Tom talks about the often forgotten positive aspects of mental and neurological illnesses, and V's palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy...there's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti.
Jan 29, 2021•2 hr 13 min
On this episode, 1950's African AIDS monkey butcher, Tom, and begrudging $300 hand job-giver, V, discuss the current coronavirus pandemic and the impact it has had on the red light district in Germany. Tom denies banging furry patient zero, and V laps up a bowl of bat soup, fangs first.
Jan 22, 2021•2 hr 43 min
On this episode, the newest member of the Paraplegion of Doom, Tom, and ambassador to the planet SEGA Saturn, V, are joined by intergalactic #MeToo-accused art curator, Richard, to analyze and appreciate the artwork of the stars. Tom prods the guest for entry codes to the mothership, V tries to find the virgin Mary's face in a slice of toast, and Richard turns down an alien booger left on his doorstep by an extraterrestrial Door Dash driver.
Jan 22, 2021•1 hr 55 min
On this episode, the smoldering shins and feet of Tom and Thanos' snap dust pile next to the former hands of V load up on pyrotron vitamins and chug cinnamon schnapps to speed up the inevitable process of spontaneous human combustion. Tom doesn't know whether to call the Ghostbusters or the fire department when a residential pair of pyromaniac poltergeists presents palpable pandemonium, and V realizes he doesn't know what a lightning ball is and wonders whether wanton weather wallops wandering w...
Jan 15, 2021•1 hr 56 min
On this episode, police-impersonating sex addict, Tom, and amateur doctor/dildo aficionado, V, present a $100,000 small business loan to the bank in order to create a mobile, sound-proof genecology clinic in the mountains. Tom blows his 600 McConnell bucks on a new German Shepherd puppy, and V gets the all-time high score on a game of "Cannibal Holocaust's 'Entrails Ripped From a Virgin's C**t' OR Toy Box Killer Orientation Tape."
Dec 31, 2020•2 hr 3 min
On this episode, disgraced manager of the 1986 Space Shuttle Challenger launch, Tom, and SpaceX Starship saboteur, V, are joined by globe Earth and generally-accepted science buzzkill, David Weiss, for a trip across, and not around, the world. Tom immediately surrenders to the seductive siren call of the true Earth model, V scales the ice wall of Antarctica only to discover more ice wall, and David silences Tom's claustrophobia-induced panic attack by simply dismissing it.
Dec 25, 2020•2 hr 1 min
On this episode, teenage video game prodigy controlling convict Gerard Buttcheeks, Tom, and armchair digital trim chaser in the world wide web, V, jump into their used 2007 avatars and give their e-wieners a whirl. Tom is posthumously reunited with his childhood Gameboy Advance, and V spends his life savings to leave an asshole robot version of himself to terrorize the community.
Dec 18, 2020•2 hr 49 min
On this episode, corrupt lunar alderman, Tom, and disgraced Martian comptroller, V, are joined by the district attorney of Alpha Centauri, Stoneclaw, while they discuss the intricacies of space bureaucracy and alien fart music. Tom participates in a disgusting cultural greeting among the Sirians, V loses his mustache in a heated courtroom debate against himself, and Stoneclaw boards the last flight out of Newark, New Jersey on September 11th, 2001.
Dec 10, 2020•2 hr
On this episode, communist psychic from the 16th century, Tom, and the time wizard bent on seeing Osmosis Jones in the theater, V, skim the complete works of Nostradamus looking for clues about the next major international incident (and winning lottery ticket numbers). Tom tries to avoid contracting HIV by downing a handful of Truvada despite being allergic to Truvada, and V dons his VR headset for some extended porn star eye contact.
Dec 10, 2020•2 hr 25 min
