On this special Halloween episode, escaped Shatner mask-wearing mental patient, Tom, and sloping-mouth ghost mask-wearing high school student murderer, V make good on a promise to perform a dramatic reading of gay, coronavirus friend fiction "Not Pounded By Anything While I Practice Responsible Social Distancing." Tom shows off his Terminator Salvation memorabilia collection, and V runs down the list of Hollywood babes he'd pound or slam in the butt with his book "Getting Pounded in the Butt wit...
Nov 30, 2020•1 hr 53 min
On this episode, brain damaged 1950s street tough, Tom, and racist Senator from the 1970s, V, lace up their skates and take to the ice against an undefeated hockey team, the D.C. Super Predators. Tom drops out of his third candidacy for plagiarizing yet another speech, and V scolds a quadriplegic for not standing up during the National Anthem.
Nov 30, 2020•2 hr 25 min
On this episode, Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Republic, Senator Palpatom, and Anakin and Padmé's personal protocol droid, V-3PO, issue Order 69 to eliminate all incel Jedi in Isla Vista, California. Tom smokes a cigarette naked in an empty bathtub, and V partakes in a bedtime crack rock.
Nov 30, 2020•2 hr 3 min
On this episode, genetic template for the Grand Army of the Republic, Jango Tom, and commanding officer in the Confederacy of Independent Systems military, General V-vous, are joined by member of the High Council, Matt Windu, to talk about the failed military tactics of the opposing Bigfoot forces in Honobia, Oklahoma. Tom gets intimate with a sleeping sasquatch, V heads to Toontown to hook up with a slutty cartoon woman with big cans, and Mattsquatch LOGS a smelly Bigfoot encounter in the road,...
Nov 30, 2020•2 hr 5 min
On this episode, prepubescent podracer with a questionable future, Anitom Skymiller, and cigar-smoking slave master with a penchant for gambling, Vato, pull up a tiny seat in the sports model flying saucer and tell the tale of known internet pimp Bob Lazar. Tom sends his thoughts and prayers to the family and friends of recently deceased again Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Cryptkeeper, and V realizes that he's painted himself into a corner by giving a 5-Bigfoot rating to the crazy alien hunte...
Nov 29, 2020•1 hr 52 min
On this episode, buttery popcorn-eating beta draconian assassin, Tom, and professional three-fingered wheelchair-bound fibber, V, blow off a high-profile medical examination and go out with a bang in the underground cave system below Area 51. Tom stalks Mike in Manitoba's Facebook profile for a face reveal pic and sexy leg photos, and V is finally crowned king conspiracy with a tin foil coronet after a mere 61 episodes co-hosting a paranormal/conspiracy program.
Nov 29, 2020•2 hr 31 min
On this episode, extremely talented and not gay, hermaphroditic pop singer, Tom, and so-far immortal being, V, are joined by shoulder-deep giant proctologist, Reinhardt, as they rush to the emergency room to deliver a torso-splitting human elephant baby. Tom uncovers an ancient cave painting of the Mesopotamian mullet trend-setter Gilgamesh in the danger zone, V adjusts his Plenty of Fish profile to include "angelic beings" to his interests, and Reinhardt begrudgingly speculates on the size and ...
Nov 29, 2020•2 hr 11 min
On this episode, user of good, southern common sense, Tom, and small, foreign faction representative, V, grow brains and are caught talking to stray dogs while investigating the death of JonBenét Ramsey. Tom dresses up as a mall Santa on his way to stack bodies, and V absconds to Bangkok to escape his shameful browser history.
Nov 29, 2020•2 hr 9 min
On this episode, 17-year-old freedom fighter, Tom, and newly left-handed paramedic, V, are joined by skateboard-swinging sucking chest wound, Jack, as they ride the milk truck down to the marina for a good old-fashioned motorboating. Tom whips donuts in his 1979 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am, V gets his meal with a side of pubic hair at no extra charge, and Jack is laterally demoted from intern on the Paranormies to intern on You Had Me at Bigfoot.
Nov 29, 2020•2 hr 14 min
On this episode, rock-etching storyteller, Tom, and note-taking tree vandal, V, load up on invisible bullets and head to the New World for some colonial shenanigans. Tom secures a secret stash of sassafras, and V evades the natives by slipping between two widely-spaced fence posts.
Nov 29, 2020•1 hr 56 min
On this episode, Eric Stoltz butthole mouth face, Tom, and impractical, decorative do-rag model, V, take to the skies of the pacific northwest to disarm a hot dog alarm clock bundle. Tom travels through time to get revenge on an airline after they canceled his flight due to COVID-19, and V covers for Tom when a young Robert Patrick asks if he's seen a familiar face in his dreams.
Nov 29, 2020•1 hr 54 min
On this episode, high volume crawdad trafficker, Tom, and abyss-gazing sycophantic narcissist, V, hop into the mystery machine and head to the horror whore convention. Tom launches and concludes his stand up comedy career with one joke, and V starts a fake ID business dealing exclusively in funny names.
Nov 18, 2020•1 hr 58 min
On this episode, ballchinian hot sauce-sipper, Tom, and high stakes shart expert, V, talk the dangers of cutting the cheese on the go. Tom pukes pepper pieces, and V forces fierce farts for their 500 subscriber special where Tom follows through on his promise to take a shot of El Chupacabra hot sauce.
Nov 18, 2020•58 min
On this episode, secret GAY-gent man, Tom, and the spy who shagged MEN, V, rally the force to solve another cold case from the annals of history. Tom turns in his gun and badge after going on a racially-charged neck-kneeling spree, and V puts out an all points bulletin to track down a babe he saw giving a dude a handy jay in a passing Geo Metro.
Nov 18, 2020•1 hr 52 min
On this episode, doomed expedition level 2 group leader, Tom, and heater-hogging stud mastermind, V, hit the Russian mountain trails ill-prepared for the alien-cryptid-demonic-government conspiracy quadruple threat that lies in wait just beyond the woodline. Tom dances around a subdued burglar while waving a straight razor, and V gets Randy Daytona kicked out of rehab group therapy.
Nov 18, 2020•2 hr 24 min
On this episode, cancer rabbit scientist, Tom, and practical joker taxidermist, V, take to the trails of the Wyoming badlands to track down the elusive jackalope only to get their hands covered in jackrabbit melanoma. Tom renounces his 1/1028 African American heritage over the recent Black Lives Matter missteps, and V votes yes on jackalope legislation in the Wyoming State House of Representatives.
Nov 18, 2020•2 hr 30 min
On this episode, U.S. Army Special (education) Forces magician, Tom, and thrice demoted Soldier of Fortune , V, reminisce about their favorite bits from the previous 49* episodes as well as the funny experiences they've shared together over their 15 year friendship. Tom gets his ass beat by You Had Me at Bigfoot super fan, Megabit Banshee, after accidentally sliding into his wife's DMs on Instagram, and V earns his second LGBTP ally award due to his continued support for the limp-wristed fanny b...
Sep 17, 2020•2 hr 11 min
On this episode, Scottish rebel who leads an uprising against the cruel English ruler Edward the Longshanks, Tom, and highway patrolman cruising the squalid back roads that have become the breeding ground of criminals foraging for gasoline and scraps, V, are joined by the commanding officer of the 1st Battalion, 7th Cavalry Regiment in the Ia Drang valley of Vietnam in 1965, Rob, to talk about the blood-chugging, adrenochrome-harvesting elite in Hollywood, Washington D.C. and Silicon Valley as p...
Sep 17, 2020•2 hr 15 min
On this episode, guns of the f&*$ing Navarone, Tom, and the constitutionally-protected bomb that was dropped on Beaver Cleaverville, V, karate kick progressive "Living Constitution" justices square in their collective, cloaked asses with sound arguments for the originalist interpretation of the greatest amendment in the Bill of Rights. Tom protests the brutality of modern police by chasing down and beating a spray tagger within an inch of his life, and V's SoundCloud career takes off when he...
Sep 17, 2020•2 hr 9 min
On this episode, unbathed, dreadlock-sporting birdbrain, Tom, and unarmed, knife-wielding cheese addict, V, take an unlikely position on the George Floyd riots and put the blame almost entirely on the white nerds in ANTIFA. Tom takes a bike lock to the noggin, and V gets creamed with a cement milk shake.
Sep 17, 2020•2 hr 3 min
On this episode, bathroom licking boat spirit, Tom, and the tiger-turtle-bird-dragon deity of the four winds, V, create their own Yokai dream teams and talk about mythological Japanese creatures. Tom gargles andon lantern oil, and V seeks the forbidden face fruit of the legendary jinmenju.
Sep 17, 2020•2 hr 4 min
On this episode, skitching product of time travel incest, Tom, and the phrase-butchering bully who traversed time and space to prevent it from happening, V, talk about the 11 dimensions, ripping the space time continuum, and how Marty McFly was the product of inbreeding. Tom takes a stand for an intimate but taboo act of lovemaking, and V goes on an adventure to locate a worn out porno mag.
Sep 17, 2020•2 hr 9 min
On this episode, polio-afflicted basketball super star, Tom, consistent nay-voting representative from Puerto Rico's hurricane district, V, are joined by their first ever female guest, anti-vax Karen, Jessica, who explains the dangers of House Resolution 6666 (not a fake house resolution number) and patent number WO/2020/060606 (not a fake patent number) and how it ties everything Tom and V have been talking about together. Tom vows to fight any authority figure not wearing a mask, V presses his...
Sep 17, 2020•2 hr 11 min
On this episode, Lovecraftian homeless person, Tom, and Slytherin sex pervert, V, review ten cursed books that are douched with mystery and shrouded in danger. Tom puts up the demon bat signal by accidentally performing a demonic roll call in Sumerian, and V curses himself when he reads a hellish Japanese poem about blood and puke and whipping and who knows what else, because it's written in Japanese and translated by a teenage creepypasta author.
Sep 03, 2020•1 hr 59 min
On this episode, Tom, who spent his Trump Bucks on one $1,200 hooker, and V, who spent his stimulus check on 1,200 $1 hookers, formally join Team F*** the U.N. and expose the controversial Agenda 21 and Bill Gates' ID2020 conspiracies. Tom protests at the Planned Parenthood by splashing cow blood on the fetus dumpsters out back, and V sings "Baba O'Riley" by The Who, because that's the name of the song, and it's not called "Teenage Wasteland."
Sep 03, 2020•2 hr 9 min
On this episode, time-traveling physics experiment saboteur, Tom, and elaborate multi-billion dollar underground facility engineer, V, are rudely interrupted by an obnoxious, wailing siren while talking about the abomination of modern science known as the Large Hadron Collider. Tom finds out what happens when you flush paper towels in the hadron collider, and V learns the hard way why there's a "don't take your penis out when green light is on" sign hanging above the hadron collider.
Sep 03, 2020•1 hr 12 min
On this episode, self-proclaimed non-ambassador to the planet Earth, Tom, and Jim Carrey's butt double in I Love You Phillip Morris, V, shake the magic eight ball Tesseract to find out how Matt Groening got his kiddy-diddling mitts on the space time peeking box. Tom lets the government look at his b-hole for a piddly $1,200, and V binge-watches True Blood without getting an erection.
Sep 03, 2020•2 hr 6 min
On this episode, the hacker formerly known as 4chan, Tom, and high ranking FBI intelligence analyst, V, strike back at the movement that banished Tom from their Facebook group: Q. Tom asks the real questions when mistaking the hashtag WWG1WGA for What Would Ghostbusters 1 be Without the Gozer Arc, and V accidentally starts a cult by shitposting in 4chan about sour apple Mountain Dew flavors and how it pertains to a flawed justice system.
Jul 26, 2020•2 hr 2 min
On this episode, Cincinnati Pink Socks starting pitcher, Tom, and Los Angeles Mungers third baseman, V, tackle the curious case of Benjamin Satan. Tom demonstrates the importance of having a lawyer present for Faustian bargains, and V empties a woman like a tube of toothpaste with a perfectly executed RKO suplex combo.
Jul 26, 2020•2 hr 4 min
On this episode, back door-dreaming nightmare merchant, Tom, and ancient Egyptian lucid dream interpreter, V, discuss the meaning of dreams and how to suppress them with prescription medication. Tom deciphers the prehistoric braille inscriptions on Tulsi Gabbard's raw meat face and V sings a ballad to pacify the sleep paralysis demon in his room.
Jul 26, 2020•1 hr 41 min
