How do we know when to control the choices our teens make and when to let them make their own mistakes? A listener asked: "Moms of teenagers, how do you stop trying to micromanage their worlds? My daughter is no longer interested in an extracurricular activity she’s done for years. I'm trying to talk her into continuing but she’s pushing back. It’s hard to know when it’s okay to let them decide what things they want to do as opposed to the things you think are good for them to do." Amy explains ...
Feb 27, 2023•5 min
There's a mental health crisis among teens. Teens are also highly emotional creatures by design. Adolescent psycholost Dr. Lisa Damour thinks the two are starting to get conflated– and that means parents and educators can sometimes overcorrect in their responses to teens' emotional outbursts. Dr. Lisa Damour co-hosts the Ask Lisa podcast and writes about adolescents for the The New York Times, in addition to her clinical practice. She is the author of two New York Times bestsellers: Untangled: G...
Feb 24, 2023•35 min
We asked our listeners what minor and yet life-changing advice they have to offer. From bringing Sharpies everywhere, to cleaning the shower in the shower, to milkshakes after doctors' appointments, our lives just got a whole lot better! Margaret and Amy discuss: The correct way to boil corn What really goes in the glove compartment (not gloves) Amy's meet-cute with her husband "Let's Make a Deal" Links! "Bag o' Glass" on SNL Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection,...
Feb 22, 2023•39 min•Ep. 300
A listener asks: "Has anyone had success in helping their kids becoming ”better” at losing? Sports, board games, even school work…anything that they get frustrated with, it is to an extreme degree. I have three boys ages 7, 5 and 4 and they all do the same things—always throwing a huge tantrum." Margaret explains that it's important to have a good offense in situations like these. Don't try and reason with your kid right after they've suffered a loss and lecture them on Buddhist philosophies of ...
Feb 20, 2023•7 min
Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast to get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $3.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. Psychologist Susan Linn, author of WHO'S RAISING THE KIDS? BIG TECH, BIG BUSINESS, AND THE LIVES OF CHILDREN, isn't anti-technology. She's anti-advertising to children, and has spent her long career spotlighting the "monumental shi...
Feb 17, 2023•32 min
Do you worry about finding the balance between forcing your kid to keep doing activities that are good for them (that you already paid for) and not letting them be miserable all the time? How do you keep them on track academically without having to run flashcards with them about the Peloponnesian War for the billionth time? Here's what the research says about when to push our kids - and when to let sleeping (Peloponnesian) dogs lie. A listener in our Facebook group asks: "How do you decide when ...
Feb 15, 2023•42 min•Ep. 299
Is there anything worse? Your kid is begging for a playdate at a friend's house, while that friend is standing right there listening. Plus that kid's mother. And the thing is, you think this other kid is not such a good friend for your child to have. What do you do? A listener in our Facebook group asks: "My kid is 7 years old. Has anyone ever experienced your child making a friend but you don’t feel comfortable with your child going over to their house solo for play dates? Any advice for how to...
Feb 13, 2023•6 min
If you're parent of a child with ADHD, you are familiar with the battles of will that can result. What are the best ways to help kids with ADHD succeed without either coddling them or coming down too hard on them? Are you the parent of a child with ADHD who feels like nothing you try is working? Ryan Wexelblatt, also known as the "ADHD Dude," is here to help. Ryan, a licensed clinical social worker and father to a son with ADHD, creates content for the ADHDude YouTube channel and ADDitude Magazi...
Feb 10, 2023•38 min
Do you feel like the odd parent out in your house? Or do your kids want only you to do everything with them all the time? A listener in our Facebook group asked: "Is there an episode about one parent having a very different relationship with a child than the other parent? My 12yo and I seem to have a pretty functional (not perfect) relationship, but he and my hubs seem to end up arguing constantly. Thought at first it was a phase, but if it is, it’s a LOOOOONG one. Would love some perspective on...
Feb 08, 2023•40 min•Ep. 298
Is the never-ending work and exhaustion and loneliness of parenting small children getting to you? You're not alone– but better days are coming. Jordyn in our Facebook group asks: "I have a three-year-old and 9-month-old. Is it normal to feel lonely all the time? Feel somewhat bored and left out? Feel like a non person? From the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep, I'm DOING for the kids, for the house, for the job, for the husband. I know I'm supposed to make time for myself but when? ...
Feb 06, 2023•8 min
Do you feel like you're at the end of your rope with trying to get your kids to behave? Jen Lumanlan takes us through the steps for getting at the root cause of our children's behavior - and the root cause of our negative reactions, too. Jen Lumanlan is the host of the Your Parenting Mojo podcast, which Lifehacker named "Best Research-Based Parenting Podcast." She runs a course called Taming Your Triggers, which helps parents to understand why they feel triggered and to feel triggered less often...
Feb 03, 2023•34 min
Are you already punishing yourself for breaking your impossibly difficult New Year's resolution? Yes, the one where you were going to eat 12 vegetables or run for 20 minutes or read an entire book every single day of 2023 (or do all three, for you masochists out there.) Here's how to work towards goals while remembering that so much of what we feel guilt over is actually morally neutral. In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss how a "back to one" is different from a resolution, and how viewing ...
Feb 01, 2023•45 min•Ep. 297
Leaving your kids for the first time in, well, forever? Getting anxious about how saying farewell will fly? A listener wrote in to say: "My spouse and I are planning to leave our kids for the weekend for the first time (they're 6, 5, and 3). what's the best way to prepare them? 2 of my kids- yes, including the oldest- cry if I'm going out to dinner. We'll be leaving really early on Saturday morning- do I get them up to say goodbye? Is that a bad idea? How long beforehand do I tell them- or is th...
Jan 30, 2023•7 min
Contrary to what social media would have us believe, not every hobby has to turn into a madly successful side-hustle that takes the world by storm. Margaret talks with Liz Gumbinner, co-host of the podcast "Spawned with Kristen and Liz," about why it's okay to just make really delicious cookies. Liz Gumbinner is a writer, award-winning ad agency creative director, and mom of teens. Online she’s better known as the publisher of coolmompicks.com and the author of the OG mom blog Mom-101. Her Subst...
Jan 27, 2023•37 min
What oddities do you love that others might look askance at? Is it your magical singing rice cooker? The silence just before it snows? Terrible Ikea instructions? Amy and Margaret share their weird pleasures and chime in on some listener suggestions as well. Amy and Margaret discuss: 11:11 Why socks DON'T rock Neon signs Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming specia...
Jan 25, 2023•38 min•Ep. 296
When you have more than one kid event in your calendar, how do you hit both– or choose one and live with your kid's disappointment? A listener in our Facebook group asks: "Moms with multiple children: how do you handle the anxiety, guilt, and disappointment when kids' activities overlap? I’m not talking about missing one of the bajillion 4th grade basketball games. I mean the once-a-year or even once-every-few-years very important events. How do you decide which child’s event is more important ?...
Jan 23, 2023•7 min
We've all felt the guilt that comes with taking time away from our kids to do something we enjoy. But if we're always being told how liberating it is to do things for ourselves, why do we have such complicated feelings about? Dr. Amber Thornton tells us how we can successfully balance our lives both as women and as mothers. Dr. Amber Thornton is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Millennial Motherhood Wellness Coach. She is the Founder of Balanced Working Mama, with a mission to completely cha...
Jan 20, 2023•32 min
What do we do when the magic of the holiday season is behind us, spring is months away, and we have to keep kids busy for months more of cold weather until then? Melanie from our FB group wrote in to say: Can we talk about the transition out of the festive season and into plain ol' winter? We went all out celebrating this year with my kids (3 and 1) . Now things are going to be pretty quiet for the next couple of months. I'm a stay at home mom in a very rural area where January and February mean...
Jan 18, 2023•45 min•Ep. 295
What should a parent do when their child is suddenly excluded from their friend group? Amy helps a listener unpack the complexities of this problem: "My 13-year-old daughter has inexplicably been dropped from her friend group at her very small school (less than 10 girls in the grade). As far as my daughter can figure, nothing has precipitated this change. The moms would regularly communicate with each other via text to coordinate as we don’t live in the same town. As a result of this, I know tha...
Jan 16, 2023•7 min
Ophira Eisenberg is a Canadian-born standup comedian and writer. You may remember Ophira as the host of NPR’s comedy trivia show Ask Me Another. Ophira is also a regular host and teller with The Moth and her stories have been featured on The Moth Radio Hour and in their best-selling books. Her comedy special Inside Joke is available on Amazon and iTunes. Ophira is also a parent to a 6-year-old and the host of the new comedy podcast Parenting Is A Joke co-produced by iHeart Radio and Pretty Good ...
Jan 13, 2023•42 min
Do you hate feeling unable to help people in crisis, or do you worry about getting too involved and stepping on toes? There are ways to give help to people in need that are productive and considerate, and our listeners wrote in with some excellent examples. Amy and Margaret discuss: How to avoid the "let me know if you need anything" trap The "comfort in, dump out" model of caretaking The perils of too many lasagnas The best help you can give may be something that feels inconsequential to you bu...
Jan 11, 2023•44 min•Ep. 294
Does it feel like everyone else's child is petting golden retrievers in flowered fields while yours are crying in a pile of Cheerios on the floor? Mom FOMO - the fear that you're not giving your kids the positive experiences that all of their peers are getting - is real. Here are some concrete ways to address it. This week's question comes from Amy in our Facebook group: "Ok moms how do you all handle FOMO? Avoid social media? Any advice? This is mainly pertaining to things my kids might be miss...
Jan 09, 2023•8 min
Cindy Muchnick is the author of THE PARENT COMPASS: Navigating Your Teen's Wellness & Academic Journey in Today's Competitive World. Cindy has been working in education for the past 25+ years as a former Assistant Director of College Admission, high school teacher, and educational consultant. Cindy is also a mother of three sons and a daughter, now ages 16 to 24. In this interview Cindy, Amy, and Margaret discuss: The "true north" of the Parent Compass How to assess when you should and shouldn't...
Jan 06, 2023•38 min
Why is it siblings so often seem to be total opposites? If we notice that and lean into comparisons, are we bad parents? And if our kids really are completely different, are they choosing those divergent paths on purpose? Yes and no. Here's why kids in the same family can turn out so differently, and what it means for us as we parent them. In this episode we discuss: The definition of "adaptive divergence" The difference between knowing our kids and comparing them Why each of our children, even ...
Jan 04, 2023•45 min•Ep. 293
Have you ever felt disappointed that you have only sons or only daughters? You're not alone, and you don't have to feel guilty about your feelings, either. A listener says: "I had my third boy in December (a surprise pregnancy and, frankly, one that my husband did not want). I'm finding it very difficult to get over the fact that I will never have a daughter. My mom and I were insanely close growing up and I always thought I'd continue that strong bond with my own daughter. All my friends and co...
Jan 02, 2023•7 min
Do you feel like you're in a constant state of verbal contact with your kids - either arguing, praising, or commanding, all day long? So did Michaeleen Doucleff, until she went on assignment to the Yucatan to learn about Mayan methods of parenting. Dr. Michaeleen Doucleff is a science reporter for NPR and the author of the New York Times best-seller Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans. In this "Best Of" interview Amy...
Dec 30, 2022•38 min
It is often difficult and painful to break parenting patterns that were harmful to us as children. But pattern-breaking is entirely possible and may not be as difficult as we fear. In this "Best Of" episode, Amy and Margaret discuss the definition of a pattern, how to notice our own, and why changing is indeed an option. Noticing your physical reactions to triggering situations - and noting that those are reactions to past situations, not the present one - can help you on your way to breaking ol...
Dec 28, 2022•51 min
Parenting through grief can be isolating, overwhelming, and debilitating all at the same time. Margaret shares some helpful tactics, both from research and from her own experience, for processing a parent's terminal diagnosis while simultaneously helping your children understand the situation. A listener wrote in to say: "Good morning! I found your podcast in 2020 and love listening to you both. I am a 39-year-old mom of 2 girls (6 and 4). My mother was recently given a terminal diagnosis (speci...
Dec 26, 2022•7 min
Do us a solid! Take our listener survey at bit.ly/whatfreshhellsurvey. KC Davis is the creator of the mental health platform Struggle Care, where she shares a revolutionary approach to self and home care for those dealing with mental health, physical illness, and hard seasons of life. She is a licensed professional therapist, author, speaker, and advocate for mental health and recovery. She's the host of the podcast Struggle Care– a member of our Adalyst Media podcast network!– and the author of...
Dec 23, 2022•51 min
What Fresh Hell is a finalist for a Signal Award! Please vote for our show to win a People's Choice Award at bit.ly/votesignalaward. Voting closes December 22! Here's the Spotify playlist of our favorite episodes from 2022! In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss: Their past lives Why Polly Pockets are banned in Margaret's house How to know when to walk away - and when to run 2022 has been a great year for What Fresh Hell and for our new podcast network, Adalyst Media. We're excited to bring yo...
Dec 21, 2022•47 min•Ep. 291
