Bringing humour into your wedding business with Beth Sherman

Beth is a speaker, comedian, and Emmy winning Hollywood comedy writer. Having written for some of the biggest shows in America, including The Tonight Show and the Oscars, Beth now lives in London with her partner. We met at an entrepreneurial dinner a few weeks ago where I discovered Beth's current business, Authentically Funny Speeches, where she helps add humor to keynote talks and, you guessed it, wedding speeches.

As soon as I heard the word wedding, my eyes obviously lit up and I wanted to find out more. So I invited her onto the podcast and she's here today. Beth, welcome.

If you don't know, it's producers, Blazing Saddles, Young Frankenstein. And to me, that was sort of billed as the canon. This is, this is what you should know. And I didn't understand. I thought everyone thought of things that way. I didn't really listen to a lot of music growing up. I, because I was in love with comedy, my mom liked flea markets because I was in love with comedy and bored walking around them with her.

I would find old albums, and so I ended up with this great collection of stand up comedy albums, many of them recorded live, and so when most kids were up in the room listening to music, I was up in my room listening to stand up comedy. Bill Cosby, it was the 80s, we didn't know, but a lot of Bill Cosby, George Carlin, Woody Allen, just all, all the, the sort of, that generation of American comedians, and there was just something magical about it. Lenny Bruce.

And because they were recorded live, you heard the relationship with the audience, and that is something special. Because anytime you're on stage, but especially in stand up, it's a dialogue. One person is speaking, but if you're in front of an audience, that audience has a part.

And in comedy, it's particularly evident because There's, there's, someone tells a story and there's a punchline at the end and there's a laugh and then there's, you know, you're, you're surfing this wave and it's sort of, when does it recede? When does it go back and forth? So, that wired my brain for comedy and also in the U. S. it was the late 80s, it was the, the big stand up boom, so there was a lot of stand up on TV. Now, I never had the guts.

to do stand up, so I never imagined myself doing it, but one day I was 16, 14, 15, 16, somewhere around there, there was a TV show that I liked called Murphy Brown, it was a sitcom, and one day there was a news magazine show that did a behind the scenes, and the behind the scenes of this, of the sitcom, but it wasn't about the actors. They, it showed us something, the behind the scenes, and it showed us something called a writer's room.

And the writer's room was ten guys, it was mostly guys, but ten, ten comedy writers around a conference table. And their whole job all week was to sit together in there. One person would write the draft of that week's show, and then their job was just to sit there and make, go through it line by line and make it funnier. And not just funnier, but funnier in the character's voice. And I saw that and realized, that's a job. That's a job. Sit in a room with funny people.

and try to outfun each other, but with a very particular target. And it's the only thing I ever wanted to do with my life, and I went to college because that wasn't really an option in my family. Both my parents were the first to go to university in their families, and so I was going to, but so I went. I majored in television, which I wouldn't recommend, but then I moved to Los Angeles to find these writers rooms and work in them.

And I started as a production assistant getting coffee and driving around scripts because it was before the internet and paid a lot of dues and did a lot of stuff for free, but eventually made my way into writer's rooms. I got those opportunities and I learned it's kind of an apprentice business in that sense. You can have a lot of talent, but unless you're doing the gig, it's hard to learn the gig.

And 27 years later, That's, that's what I did, and I wanted to write for sitcoms, but the shows that I got the opportunities on, so in sitcoms you're trying to make the jokes authentic to that character's voice, but a lot of the shows that I worked on were what in my business is called comedy variety, and so here I think they're called just chat shows. So sort of Graham Norton, one professionally funny host.

And a series of interviews, but, but some prepared comedy at the beginning and where Graham Norton is one day a week, these shows are five nights a week. So, the Late Show with David Letterman, Tonight Show with Jay Leno, worked on those, worked on Ellen for three years Ellen DeGeneres. And. So then the skill that I developed became not just making a character funny, but it was a real person. So the weird superpower I developed was how to be funny in someone else's voice.

And along the way I got the guts and the encouragement to do stand up myself. Unsurprisingly, I loved it. So of those 27 years, I spent about 15 of them doing standup nights and weekends. And when the shows were on break or on hiatus, I would go across the country and do weeks out of town. And I did that clubs and colleges and Vegas and all that. I went to Iraq. I did a two week military tour of Iraq in 2008, which was amazing.

Doing four shows a day, going base to base in Black Hawk helicopters, combat outposts and forward operating bases. shows for 19 guys that hadn't seen another human in, you know, hadn't seen a new person in quite a while. So, did all that.

The segue into working for people outside the world of entertainment was that we had a, well, I was on a morning show where one of the hosts, they would occasionally do comedy, and one of the hosts particularly liked to do comedy, and she had the, she had the, the status where they could keep someone on staff. to, to write and suggest comedy. And I would have to be at work pitching comedy off of the news, five days a week. It would be based on current events.

And I would have to be at work at seven in the morning for a 7 15 pitch meeting where they would pitch the news stories of the day. And then if there was anything that was sort of If there were any comedic opportunities within it, then I would pitch ideas and then we'd produce them. But it was also a time in the news when there was a lot of very difficult stuff. There was the Mandalay shooting in La Mandalay Bay shooting in Las Vegas.

Just horrible stuff, where clearly, you knew walking into work. This is not a day for comedy. There's, there's not, this is primarily a new show and a discussion show. So, you know, 7. 30 in the morning, I'm done for the day. But I have to sit in front of my computer and, and think of something to do. We were already thinking about leaving Los Angeles. And I was trying to think of what would I do if I didn't work in entertainment.

And I thought, well, I'm very good at being funny in someone else's voice. Maybe. I've helped people with best man speeches. Maybe that's something. And, and so while I was at this TV show, I kind of hung up a shingle on Upwork actually, and just to see, and I did a few, a few people were interested. I did a few. I found I really liked it. I found I was really good at it because there's a structure to it.

So really the wonderful part of it is finding the right stories and telling them in the right way. And it's a bit of a formula though, so you can go through it pretty quickly. You can focus on the content without having to reinvent the wheel every time. And very shortly, I realized I can sort of, I don't need up work. There's plenty of call for this. And that was the start of that business.

I also knew at 15, 16, that that's what I wanted to do. And yet so many people I speak to do not have that same story. So most 15, 16 year olds say to their parents, I want to work in TV. I want to work in TV comedy. I want to produce this show. And their parents say, well, that will never happen. It's really hard to get that kind of job, go find a proper job. So how did you overcome that feeling? Or were your parents just super supportive?

How did you kind of get that drive to go, this is what I want to do. And I'm going to work my way up.

I, we would strongly suggest you choose some courses that, that get you some practical skills because once we pay for this, we'll, we'll, we'll help you financially while you're in college. We'll pay for your education. We'll help you financially while you're in college. I always worked also, but yeah, after that you're kind of on your own. So it's up to you to get out of that. Whatever is going to help you. I mean, they weren't going to let me be homeless, but they weren't going to enable me.

So, and that seemed reasonable. There were moments, I guess, that it felt less reasonable, but it seemed more than generous in the grand scheme of things. So that, I was very fortunate in that. But it also, maybe it's an American thing, but we My parents don't come from anything. My dad grew up in an orphanage because his mother was widowed during the depression with three kids and she couldn't afford to raise three. So he and his brother ended up in a school for fatherless boys.

So, and my mom's dad was a produce salesman. I mean, literally like guy on the street with a cart selling produce in Philadelphia. So I come from a background of of, you know, You can get anything you want, but you have to put the work in, the key is figuring out how to do it, and, and hard work, and education is often a part of that, and education in whatever form that takes, could be apprenticeship, informal, it could be just books, going to things, meeting people.

But anything is within your reach. It's very American. You can be whatever you want to be, but it doesn't just happen. There's no one there with a wand waiting to bestow it on you.

And I had to, I had a call time. I had to be there at 9. But I'd, a couple months before I got that job, I'd, I'd, there were, I'd accepted work from private clients and I couldn't change their deadline. So that just meant I had to work more hours. But it was an investment that I was willing to make. And the more important thing is I really, really enjoy. Being in the wedding space, I really enjoy working with people outside the world of entertainment.

I love what I do in entertainment and I love what I've done, but it's different. It's different working with people who aren't professional performers. It's, it's, it's a lot of fun seeing people. Because they need much more, much more genuine emotional support and cheerleading also than professionals do. A lot of professionals need it, but they need it in kind of a narcissistic way.

But real people, not that celebrities aren't real people, but they're fun to work with because it's also real events that you're helping them with. I write, I eulogies and, and, and things because there is, you want a balance of, of humor and Helping someone express how they feel about someone who's past is very, very important. I take a lot of pride in that. That's an honor. Helping a dad talk about his daughter and for a wedding day is an honor.

And also, often the people that come to me are the people that have a situation that isn't straightforward. I mean, I had a mom come to me saying, well, it's not a father, it's a father of the bride speech, but it's, I'm giving, I'm giving it because dad passed away last year. And then she said, and my son passed away four months ago.

And And she said, and I want this to be about my daughter because she has been through everything and it hasn't been about her, understandably, but she, she knew that she had to acknowledge these things in her speech because it would be strange not to acknowledge a little bit of the situation, but she didn't want it to overwhelm the speech and she wanted it to be joyful and funny. She wanted to have a balance.

So, I mean, that's, I've actually just given myself goosebumps thinking about that one, but it's. meaningful. I feel like after 27 years in Hollywood, I feel like I'm finally using my powers for good.

Because as you said, you started just by putting things on Upwork. How else have you grown over the years? How are you now finding your clients? What's working for you?

And then I used, so I built a website on Squarespace, just a DIY kind of one or two pages, a front page and an about page. And then I did a few Google ads and I was investing, I think, I think it was about a hundred a month in Google ads, but that really That really helped me because for what I do, people would frantically type how to write a best man speech into, into Google, and then a lot of help would come up, but also then my little paid ad and they go, Oh, someone can do it for me.

They were thrilled to find it. So, so that really helped me. And then it, it, it's hard to, I found Google ads. Well, it just becomes kind of a growing monster and you're never really sure they can give you lots of analytics, but you're never really sure what's bringing people in. And I was looking, I wasn't really using any social media. It's not, I'm not a huge, just naturally in my day to day life. I'm not a huge fan of social media. I just, it might be generational.

So, but what I found was, YouTube seemed to be a place I realized whenever I needed ad advice on how to do something, I would go to YouTube. And so from a content marketing lead generation point of view, I, I now do a lot about how to write wedding speeches and that seemed like that would be a good bet. So I put about a year into, really, this is, I'm gonna put all my, you know, just a lot of energy into YouTube, built a channel.

and wanted to get it monetized which means getting or at least at the time that I did it, it meant having a thousand subscribers and four thousand watch hours, and just made video after video that was how to write a father of the bride speech, how to write a maid of honor speech, how to give a two person speech, what not to do. Here's five things not to do. Here's dad's here to, here's, here's some tips on how to get You had to make sure your wife loves your speech.

I did, I learned to do lives, and I would do live Q& As. I'm still doing those. And that allowed me to totally eliminate Google Ads. Because Google owns YouTube, and now my videos will come up organically when someone types in how to write a father of the bride speech and things like that. So that's, that's become my main lead generation.

But I'm sure there were times when you felt like no one was ever going to watch your YouTube channel.

And I said, well, you need, you need a thousand subscribers. And she said, how many do you have so far? And I said, 12. She said, so you've got a little ways to go. Yeah, I've got a little, I've got, it's a little ways to go, but yeah, I, I go down, I think also as busy people, we realize you can't do everything. So pick one thing and go down the rabbit hole, but do one thing right or do one thing well, rather than doing a lot of things poorly. I find that's a strategy that works for me.

I've also heard other people say, well, I sort of, I, I spend a year each developing my social media. I mean, I don't try to do them all at once. I kind of put the effort into getting momentum at one, and then the following year I'll do that. That might be something I do. I've got, I have a big following on Pinterest. I don't understand it. So getting, getting more clarity on that and understanding it more is, is, is on my to do list. But I've, I've, I've been I've tried Instagram.

I find that the people that are really drawn to me as customers are tend to be fathers of the bride. I think maybe it's an age thing because if you're, I'm 51 and I find that the dads relate to me more. They see the videos and the videos, you know, I try to have a few bells and whistles in them, but I'm not a TikTok person. I mean, it's just, it's too much going on for my ADD brain.

So I, so the clients that I, I tend to get, and also the dads tend to go for the services because I have I have three levels of service, and one is do it yourself, then there's do it I do it with you, and then there's I do it for you. And to be honest, the dads have the money. They're the higher ticket clients anyhow, so I could spend a lot of time on Instagram, and I would love to have a bigger following, or a bit, you know, reach out to a bigger potential market.

But they're also not, they don't, the Best Men and the Maids of Honor tend to take the smaller ticket purchases. So in terms of me figuring out where to allocate my time, you know, the dad's, I'm not cheap if I'm going to write it for you. And the dad's, the number of times they've said to me, throwing so much money at this thing already, what's, you know, what's another grand or two? That's, that's who I focus on at the moment.

They are just people who happen to be the father or the mother of the person getting married and a lot of pressure is put on speeches and I can speak on behalf of the wedding industry. We have all seen some terrible speeches. We've all seen the speeches where everyone laughs out in the room and then when you go back and edit them afterwards you're like, these were not funny in any way shape or form.

But I know that you've got some strong opinions on this because you feel that it's not always about the actual person giving the speech but the way that they have to deliver the speech. And yeah, so we'd love some tips. As wedding pros, what can we do to support these people who are having to give these speeches that they're not really ready to give?

So this father of the bride speech has 5 million views. Let's take a look at it and see what he's doing. Right. Those sorts of things. So to find the right videos to review, I watch a ton of them and I see, I, yeah, I really feel strongly about how wedding professionals can set speakers up for success. For example, people are nervous. They don't speak all the time. I was a performer for a long time.

If you go to a comedy club, the first thing you're going to see when you walk in the door, if you're the comedian, you're going to look for the lineup. And the second you get there, you're going to see, okay, let's see. It's okay. I'm up at, I'm doing 10 minutes and I'm up at 854. That's my spot. So the second, so I don't have to sit there in a state of cat like readiness. Just waiting to hear my name. I know exactly what's going to happen.

So in the most basic sense, if you're the wedding planner, this in even in advance, if you can, or the night before let people know what's going to happen. Give these speakers who are beside themselves in a, just in a full panic, let them know, okay, so here's, what's going to happen. There's going to be the ceremony. We'll come in. So this will happen. That'll happen. And then it'll be you, this person, then the other person. Okay. That's it. Then at least they know.

Then they don't have to just, every time someone clears a dish or every time the DJ brings the music down, they don't have to think, is it now? Is it now? Is it now? So, so that's a basic thing you can do. For the, in terms of where to place a speaker, and this, this I've experienced in real life, in terms of where to place the speaker, try to put them in a position where everybody can see their face at the same time.

By which I mean, I mean, I went to a family wedding and there was not just a dais, there was a stage, it was a big fancy hotel, and the DJ was up there, and all of the, it was gorgeous, and all of the tables were set up in a circle. And they were all, you know, those eight top round ones, and they put the speakers in the middle of it. And I could see how it made sense in theory, but I was on the outer side of a round table. I couldn't see. I mean, you know, people are not nine feet tall.

Not in my family. They're barely five seven. So I couldn't see. So I heard all the speeches, but I couldn't see any of them. But literally, if they had just been up on the stage or raised in some way, I would have seen their face. I mean, think about if you go watch standup or a play or anything, everyone's facing, I mean, the whole point of a, of a theater or a comedy club is you, you want to be able to see the person who's performing.

And I know that sounds super obvious, but I can't tell you how many times I've watched videos or been there in person. difficult to actually see the face of the person speaking. And it's a whole different experience. Someone's going to cry, or they're welling up, or they've paused, or they're smiling, or they're winking, or they're making eye contact with the, the, the couple. That's the magic of a speech.

This isn't, you know, this isn't They're not JFK or Obama or Lincoln, you know, you're not going to be moved necessarily by their words. They're not poets. It's the emotional connection. And you lose that if you can't see their face. Something that, well, this people might know as wedding planners, I don't know, but I did an interview with a wedding planner and she said, if you want good video of the speeches, use a fixed mic. So use a mic.

Don't just hand someone a mic because the videographer, someone's probably set up their shot and, and that's locked down and then they're going to prowl around the room taking still photos. So they've got the video camera in one place. Well, if you give someone who isn't used to speaking, if you give them a handheld mic, they will wander around. They'll be in and out of that shot. They'll be all over the place.

But if it's a fixed mic, if it's in the stand, maybe give them a fixed mic in a stand and say, You might want to just, or at least tell them the parameters of where they can roam, because the number of speeches I have watched, you get a lot of the back, they'll turn to someone, and they're, they're not experienced speakers, so they don't just turn their head, they turn their whole body, and now you've got an entire speech you can see their, their, their neck and shoulders. That's it.

That's a practical thing. And then she said, and she, and as soon as they finished speaking, go in there and if the, if you, they do have a handheld mic, go take it away. Don't let them while still holding the mic go and wrap their arms around someone. Cause you don't want a hot mic situation. Which I found to let I hadn't that hadn't occurred to me, but she said that she's had hot Mike situations where someone goes and puts their arm.

I can't believe what you said about and Joan right into the mic. So make sure you get the mic back and then just a personal one. One final one for, the videographers. I see a lot of people, a lot of videographers that want to justify the job they've done. And so their final product when they deliver the speeches is they, they put music under the speech and they make it a montage. So you have this moment where someone is speaking and creating an emotional showing this emotional relationship.

And they're just, there's, they put music on it, and there's photos from the past that are floating by, and to me, that really ruins, those are two different things. To me, that ruins the spirit of it. You don't want to watch stand up. with some music and a lot of still photos floating by. You just want to watch the performance.

I see a lot of speeches where you just like the microphone crackles or you can't hear what's going on or they haven't thought that through. If there's two people, do you got any thoughts on the sound?

But if you're not sure, the first thing out of your mouth should be before you start speaking is can everyone hear me? Can everyone hear me? Because they will tell you. I mean, all the old aunts in the back will go, no, we can't hear you. No, speak up. Because those are so many of the venues now people are getting married. You know, it's a barn. And it's just like an amplifier and your cousin's iPhone. I mean, that's the whole sound system.

So sometimes there may be a mic, but if you are the speaker, Don't count on it to be great. If it's crackly and it's better for you just to hold the mic, not use the mic, and just speak at the top of your voice or so much as you can, that's going to help. Because again, especially in comedy, but in anything, in comedy, a joke is a set up and a punchline and it's a chemical reaction. One does not work without the other.

So whereas if you're giving a business speech, people can kind of get the gist and follow along. They don't necessarily need every word, but for a joke, even if it's just a joke of you're telling a story and then this is what happened next and that's the punchline. So it doesn't have to be a ha ha. But if those two things, if people can't hear every word of both of them, clearly it doesn't work.

If you hear just the setup to a joke, but you don't hear the punchline, you're not going to get a laugh or reaction. And if you can't hear the setup clearly, But you hear the punchline, just out of context, and he said, read the card. I mean, it doesn't make any sense. Yes. So it's, it's particularly important. that people hear you. And also, part of that is, as the wedding planner or, or as the DJ or whoever you are, quiet the room down.

Because, you know, I also see a lot of speeches where it just feels like they're, you just hear background noise. You just hear other people having conversations. Get the rooms full attention. And I, I show speakers how to do that, but I think you can set someone up for success by clearly making it, this is the time for the speeches, shut up and, and pay attention in, in a polite way, of course. But I, I hate just people, they just become background noise.

And, and that, that's painful, or they become Charlie Brown's teacher and you're just kind of hearing wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, and someone's probably sweated over this speech, or worse, paid me a lot of money and sweated over the speech for, for weeks or months.

But actually I think there's some thoughts that you can share with them because there are moments when they may be meeting clients for the first time or jumping on a Zoom call for the first time or my worst one being at a wedding fair and having to kind of engage people on a stand and they just feel typically awkward.

Do you think being funny, do you think comedy has a role in those social situations and do you have any thoughts about how people can embrace that or maybe bring some of that humor to kind of build a connection with people?

So if you're at the wedding fair and standing there, people, you know, waiting for people to come in and you have to reel them in, or you want to start conversation while they're sort of looking at your booth, one, just be engaged. Don't just sit there on your phone, giving them a dirty look when they've, or what will come across as a dirty look when they come up. The first rule of humor is smile.

I know it sounds silly, and I mean this literally, I mean, that is the first way to sort of bring a, bring the defenses down, get someone to lower their guard. Just a smile, that implies good humor. Humor and laughter, laughter is emotion, and emotion is what builds trust, and you need trust if you want someone to take action. And that action can be buying from you or hiring you, but it could also just be as small as continuing to listen to you for the next 30 seconds, staying at your booth.

engaging you in conversation. So to, you don't have to be someone sitting there with a thousand and one jokes. It can just be a little bit of self awareness or awareness of your environment. So if you're at a wedding event, And one of the bands just kicked off and it's someone is looking at your booth and it's hard to hear them. You can, it can be as simple as just smiling and saying, yeah, I think they're really good. Yeah, this is great. Or this isn't awkward at all. This is very helpful.

It doesn't have to be. You don't have to be Jerry Seinfeld to get a laugh. You just kind of have to be yourself and be authentic, but you can create that connection so quickly with just a little bit of, and when I say self awareness, I don't mean being self deprecating necessarily, but can just be being aware of how you come across to people. I mean, you can't see me now, but I'm, I'm, I'm 51. I have gray hair. It's short. If you profiled me as a lesbian, you wouldn't be wrong.

And I end up on phone. Well, you wouldn't. But what I mean is I don't blend at a wedding fair when it's a lot of, Oh my God, you guys, this is great. And it's a lot of maids of honor, but I'd say like, yeah, let, let, let, let Nana explain to you what she's going to do. You know? I mean, it's just, just a tiny bit of self awareness. It, it breaks down barriers and it takes people by surprise in a good way, because that's what you need.

I'm sure everyone listening is good at what they do, sometimes you just need a little help getting that door open.

I mean, things, things that people had actually said to him and it made me go over and talk to him. It made me go over and look at the, these vegan pastries that he was selling and I'm not vegan and I'm, I don't really have a sweet tooth, but I thought I love this guy's marketing because everything on it was true. And one of the things I talk about when I'm punching up keynote speeches and. is, well, and wedding speeches as well. Truth is funny. Life is absurd.

People are crazy, but truth is funny. So all he had to do to stand out as a vegan bakery was literally reflect back the exact comments that he gets week after week. And it works! It's a vegan bakery stand, with a line! And I'm telling you, like, this is, there was so much other, different pastry that was around there. There's donuts, there's everything. He had a line! Because he just, it stopped people. It made them smile.

And I built a course for people and realized very shortly after I'd put it up for sale that no one wants to invest the time and effort into a course. They want the kind of help they want. And some people just wanted a template. So I had to figure out how to make a template that didn't make me feel icky.

Because a lot of the ones that are out there are just totally generic, but I put one together that's fill in the blank, but it has story prompts and things like that, so it gives people it gives them the connective tissue, it gives them the structure, and then they put in what I know is the magic of the speech, which is the real personalization and the things that make it authentic and, and funny and a nice balance.

So I could have saved myself a lot of time and effort into simply By simply listening to, to my customers, they will tell you what they want and what they need.