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You're just going to have to go back and listen to the last episodes. Sister, in two sentences, it's your story. You catch them up in two sentences and then get us to Mastectomy Day. We want to know everything. Okay, great. Everything is in episodes 309 and 310 plus the episode right before this,
where we talked about everything leading up to Mastectomy Day. Okay. Pod Squad, we in this episode are sharing a lot about what I've been through through my diagnosis and surgery and treatment just as an explanation of what we've been through and what we have learned and seen, but we are obviously not doctors and none of this should be used to apply to your medical situation because
every single person and prognosis is totally different. So we do want you to use this to reach out for good solid medical advice and get several opinions, not just one, but don't include us as one of your medical opinions. We're just here to cheer you on and love on you and give you some inspiration to go get your medical opinions. We love you. Thank you. So about five weeks ago, breast cancer diagnosis, then a lot of learning leading to bilateral, which means double mastectomy. And so
we talked about all that in those three episodes. And today we're talking about what to expect when you're expecting a reception. All right. So take us to the day before. Let's just start the day before. Okay. Yes. Okay. So first of all, things that I think that we did really well. And by that, I mean, you did really well. That you two came in two nights before the surgery. Thank God. I know, which I was like, that seems excessive. They don't need to do that. That's a lot
of time. But honestly, that was so huge because there's so much to think about to plan to like get in order before in some ways, that's like more of the the Super Bowl than after. Yes. So that was a godsend. If you can have support in the day or two leading up, that feels really important to get your like stations together to get, you know, your places where you're going to have the blankets you need, the medicine you need, the cozy spots where you think you're going to sleep,
all those things. So the super important thing, and I'm laughing at myself because I only spent like 20 hours on Facebook marketplace finding a used off-brand lazy boy with a giant handle that you had to pull and that John and my dad set up and couldn't get upstairs. And then my mom, because she has done all this research, was like, actually, do you know that I think it's a renaissance or something
connected to my cancer institute that I was working with. My doctor there, they have a deal with our local rena center like furniture place where you can rent a lazy boy for I think it was like $180 for the whole month. And that includes them picking it up, bringing it to your house. It comes apart in two pieces so they can bring it up to your bedroom, setting it up, and it's a power activated. So like one of those ones where you can push it up, sit on it, and then bring it
down. That was an absolute God said. I just want to say note to people, when I saw you in that chair, people who just find and need like probably somebody was going through this with their friend or themselves. And they realized how important this lazy boy situation was a specific client. And then they did all the work of connecting rent to center with cancer centers. I just God bless people
who step in the gap of what people need and make this anyway. But to create this specific chair that and I can't stress this enough, that standing up is a thing when you are recovering from any surgery really. But this one specifically that it literally stands you up so that you don't have to come from a deep squat to stand that you're basically just like lean forward in your standing. Yeah, it's an incredibly helpful device. And I should say that I don't even know that it's a
lazy boy brand. Right, right. I don't even know that that's a case. But the point is it's a recliner chair where it power activates with the button. I never would have been able to do that lever. Like I couldn't even do the buttons on my shirt. It's power activated. You press the button. It lifts your legs up. You can do the back and forth on your back. And I slept in that for a week. And comfortably. But I couldn't lean back on my own. I couldn't lean forward on my own. So
that was a godsend. My friend, Tames, who had this surgery a couple years ago, she told me about the importance of that. And then my mom did the research to find it. And that's been a dream. I think it's important before to read all the things. You feel like the things that they give you are too much and overwhelming and they are. But you just need to read them all because you will find in all of them, there are contradictions in what the people say. There are things that are
really unclear. It doesn't make any sense. So you have to make a list. This is the third thing. After you read the things, you make lists. We had a Google doc that the four of us shared me you and John and we had all of our questions as they came up, all of the helpful articles that we'd
found, et cetera. And then we had printed out for the day of a list of questions to talk to the anesthesiologist about the day before the surgery, a list of questions to talk to the pre-op nurse about before the surgery, a list of questions for the surgeon, the day of a list of questions for the post-op after. And it was really, really important to have those. And then also you just need
to ask all of them. Like I realized at the end that you know, you're a little loopy, you're like, you feel like so grateful that things went well that you didn't ask all the questions and like, just ask every single one of them. Their job is to answer your questions. You wrote them down for a reason, ask them even if they same redundant. But they need to be typed out because you can't rely, or at least I couldn't rely on me knowing what I needed to know and having them organized by
person you're going to be speaking to was huge. So all of the questions typed out. Also, your anesthesiologist will tell you you can't have any liquids. I can tell you, I mean, nothing is funnier than the part that was most upsetting to me about this entire surgery was the fact that they told me I couldn't have black coffee the morning of the surgery. Pod Squad, she was of all of the things we had been through. Hell, and it was
hell these two weeks. It was terrifying. We've never been so scared in our entire life. We made it. We made it. Everybody was so amazing and well behaved. And then those people told her she could not have coffee. And also I just want to say this is for Amanda's specific surgery. I don't want to I don't want to blanket statement that everybody's allowed to have black coffee because we have no idea. But we found out at the hospital that Amanda was in fact allowed to have
black coffee the morning. We sort of think it's true. This is off the record. I'm speaking for myself. I'm saying you don't take their just try to cover their asses. You talk to your surgeon. Yeah. Okay. You don't listen to the anesthesiologist. You go to your surgeon. If that coffee is important to you as it is to me, you say here's my question. Am I allowed to have black coffee with no cream on the morning of my surgery? And your surgeon's going to say, you damn right you do.
Okay. So you ask them. I felt so scared when they told you no, I thought you don't understand what you're doing here. Like this is her only will to live. And you've taken it away as she goes and just during the surgery, just whatever. I don't point me. I don't even know where to live. The point is confirm all of your things. But seriously, that made a difference in my happy, just love it. And in fact, in my nausea. So find that to about. Okay. And you had a headache
the day of the surgery because you didn't have to do. Yeah. Well, she was also in withdrawal for the other reason. Tell them what else you had to do in the month before they tell them this. Or don't if you don't want to. No, this is great. Okay. So I am a person. And there might only be a handful of us on the planet who became addicted to nicotine chewing gum. Even though I wasn't addicted to nicotine cigarettes. This is confusing to explain to doctors.
When they say, are you a smoker? And I say, no, never have been. And then they say, well, then why do you check the box of nicotine? If you've never been a smoker and you say, well, accidentally got addicted to nicotine gum. So here's how it happened. When I decided to stop drinking. What was that four years ago? Something like this. I realized that I needed something. Just something. Something for the love of God. So that day I went and picked up
Nick Rickum. And thinking, you know, so something, take the adjoff. Why not? So I chewed that to take the adjoff and then accidentally got very addicted to nicotine gum. So I am in these meetings with the doctors, having yet again, the very awkward, like it always makes them laugh conversation about when they're going over my history before the pre-op with surgeons. And they're like, oh, you can't have any nicotine in your system. Yeah. You have to stop that right.
Now specifically because this is why it's so important to bring this shit up because nicotine contracts your capillaries. Yeah, your vessels. It contracts your vessels. So it really slows down and impedes healing. So just the nicotine in that gum was risking their like, you need to be off of it for weeks before your surgery. So note to pod squad, you do not go in to these meetings trying to be a good girl. You don't go in and they've heard all the shit before. You tell them
everything. It doesn't matter what they think of you. It only matters that you don't have something that you're bringing into the surgery that will hurt you. Right. Exactly. So then they tell me, okay, your one, take the edge off, anxiety and stress management tool that you have left is going to need to be immediately discontinued cold turkey on this moment during the most
anxiety provoking stressful of your life. So that's why I am going through the diagnosis, the learning about the mastectomy and intense nicotine withdrawal for that entire three week two week period. Yeah. Yeah. It was yeah, I think it got better in the third week, but that two weeks. And I was like, well, this is a good time. Anyway, that explains the importance of my body. But happily, now it's been what? Like a four weeks and you're free from it. You're
free from it. Okay. So take us to the night before and then the morning of. Okay. So the night before we had a whole schedule, we had ironed it all out, got the kids off to school, drove over to the hospital. You were allowed to take one person back with us. So I talked to Glennon and John and Abby and explained that I would like Abby to come back because
she just had such a handle on all the stuff. And I was also the only one who had been through like a ton of surgeries to know what is normal and what is not normal and what I should push back on and what I shouldn't and all of those things. So she just has the total lay of the surgical land. Which was the honor of my whole existence on planet earth. When that moment happened, I felt super honored and also capable and ready to go take care of you.
It was a beautiful moment actually. I just think we should linger there for a second because first of all, your husband was so like non-egoic about it. Just was like, yes, that makes sense that you take Abby. And watching you and Abby walk back there together was so emotional for me. I don't know. It just was like she was the exact right person for you and you knew she would ask all the right questions and she wouldn't get overwhelmed and she would advocate and you guys were
just such a beautiful team to watch walk away. And John and I were both like, good call. That is actually what I mentioned the last episode that I was texting with Teg. That's what I was telling her. I was like sister just chose Abby to go back with her. So her husband and I are sitting in the waiting room and Teg said, Stephanie said, that's a good call. And I said, we're all here for our strength. So if that surgeon needs an emergency poem, I'm going to be ready.
Yeah, it was beautiful. I know. We all felt a sense of confidence watching with you go back there together. I did too because I, I mean, it was such a blessing because it's like when certain things, you know, on that list of questions I've had that I'd be like, I want this. And the doctor would be like, no, we're not going to do that because of this. And I, you know, I'm always ready to fight for and so I just look at Abby and she'd be like, shaker head, yes, of like, no, that makes sense.
You don't fight that. And I'd be like, okay, all right, we that it, we find that acceptable. And then if there were other things that they were like, no. And then she'd be like, give me the nod to be like, no, we just need to push on that one a little bit more and find our way through. So it was good because she's had all these surgeries and news, all the things and and very level headed
to be like, what is the reason? And what's not? Yeah. And then when she finally came out, she spent her time taking selfies with all the nurses because she thought maybe that would help them be extra nice to you. And I said, I don't think that's how hospitals work. I hope not. I think it might have been one of the nurses walked in and looked at her and goes, are you a famous soccer player? She goes, yeah, she goes, oh my god, she's walked out. And I was like, I'm really delighted.
This is great, but they're going to come back and talk to me. And then she said, you take selfies too. I said, babe, no one's asking me for selfies. I can't just walk if people say, do you want a selfie? They don't know who the hell I am. I'm doing the best I can. I was ready to do whatever. Okay, go ahead. Okay, so we had our little binder already and all the questions. So we asked all the questions. Then, honestly, after that, things got a little hazy. I recommend, I'm trying to
think of day of things. I recommend you ask about the nausea patch that really, really helped me that they put behind your head. If you have any history of getting nauseous with anesthesia, because it would have been awful to be nauseous on top of the pain. One of the things that I think that is really important for anybody who's going through this or anybody who's going to support somebody going through this is this is what the doctors do every day.
This is not something you do every day. And this is a very confusing and a scary process. And they seem because this is what they do. And their experts at what they do, that this is no big deal. And because of that, sometimes it prevents people from asking the question or from saying, I don't understand that, right? Because we don't want to look stupid. They seem like they're
Uber confident. But we asked a lot of repeat questions to the different doctors, right? So your surgeon would come in, your plastic surgeon would come in, the anesthesiologist would come in, and then all the residents would come in. And I want to advocate for not just you in the moment, but like for all the people out there, that's just like you can say, I don't understand what you
just said. And I'm not sure what you said or what does that mean? That is something that is so important because your blood pressure is going to raise and you want to go into the surgery as calm and as comfortable as possible. So ask all the questions. That's all I'll say. Yeah. And write them down. Have them in a binder. Have them, like sister said, you know, separated between which doctors to ask the questions to, that was really helpful. Yep.
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slash hard things. How did you feel that morning? Like what was your emotional state that morning? Take us to your mindset that morning. I mean I think I felt really loved and really taken care of and it felt wild to be like it's go time in that period but I also felt like
okay this is the part where it's not up to me. This is the part where I just have to like after I ask my questions and after I feel like I get my question answered just let the people who have done this for a very long time and trust the path that got us to these people that they're going to do what they do best and I think that the front end work of pushing through and like making sure I didn't swallow down any discomfort that I felt or disease.
That's ironic disease is disease unease that I felt. Abby said that to me last week which is why I'm laughing she said did you know? It's wild right disease is disease that's interesting unease not pretending I didn't have it earlier helped me to have ease and be like you or the people I chose. Here we go do your thing.
So that was really good. Also I feel like another thing I'll say I know I mentioned to James before but like anybody that you have in your life that has had or even if you don't know someone personally asking people to talk to somebody who has had misectomies is so important
because half of the things that worked out really really well for me including like having that recliner including making sure I was tripled on top of the anti-constipation stuff was from talking to people and not from doctors so that there's nothing as important as talking to people who have been through it and also don't trust the anti-constipation stuff that they give you.
It doesn't at least for my body doesn't work it hasn't worked it was among the most painful part of the process for me and not good so by your smooth move T drink it if you have any history of constipation like that it will help you and don't just rely on whatever it means I had prescription
anti-constipation and I had or the counter and both of those still didn't work because of the narcotics they gave me for the first few days also have a medicine schedule so you don't have to think about that ask someone to make that for you where you have your schedule set out of what you
need to take at certain times but yeah I think going in I felt like okay a lot of the work is already done now I just need to submit to this and then focus on recovering and then what do you remember from waking up from the surgery so we went in what time was it we were there at 9 a.m. her surgery
started at 11 11 and then it was the surgeons would come out and say like the first surgeon Deila Cruz came out like an hour and a half after it started and said I'm done with my part well well yeah she is so fast man and then the plastics was in there and then Dr. Fan came out maybe an
hour and a half later so we were getting updates along the way but the whole procedure was done I think in three hours two and a half yeah and then you had a recovery time so what do you remember from waking up and how you felt afterwards I remember just being so weird that I don't remember
I was in the room with you and then they gave me a little something and from there I have no recollection oh no no I remember I hugged you before you left and then I laid down you laid down and you went left and I walked right so I walked with you all the way to the part where you went
down this one hallway but I could tell your eyes were you you were already somewhere different yeah I was excited for you too I was like gosh I wish I could share this with you I know okay so yes so we hugged I laid down the game of the thing and then you walked I don't
remember the walking thing and then nothing no recollection of anything and then I wake up with this woman talking about how excited she was to just meet Abby Wobbock and I'm like I don't understand stuff I like I remember not being able to like keep my eyes open like I just felt so so tired but I
wanted to keep my eyes open because I was like what just happened because I'm gonna explain to me what just happened I'm eager to know I don't want to just go to sleep and my mouth was really dry and it was really thirsty and hungry and so she gave me some pills and she gave me some like
graham crackers and ginger ale and had me stay there for like half an hour and then rolled me into another room where Abby was and I sat on the chair which is crazy because I must have been super drugged because like the ability to sit on that chair like that doesn't seem possible in what happened
in the days after but then we were able to ask all our questions of her and then Dr. Fan came in and talked to us and they just rolled us out to parking garage John and Glen and we got in the car and we came home one of the things that I know to be true for the times that I've had surgery is
you then get your phone back and you're alone in bed and I have been alone in bed with my phone and I'm like what the fuck happened I don't know anything that happened I don't remember the nurse telling me everything oh that's right I forgot about that yeah so I yes I didn't even know surgery
was over yeah so I like she's like do you want your phone I'm like sure then I was getting texts from you guys being like it's over what great yeah yeah and then they were like are you there we saw pictures of your boobs they say it look great it looks great and I'm like awesome yeah I
wanted for you and this is just for anybody in surgery is if you get an update from the surgeons that update is probably coming to the waiting room folks prior before you even knew so I wanted you to know a if they hadn't come and told you and b I wanted you to know that we knew because I
when you're like after surgery I didn't know if your hands would be able to work but I knew you'd be able to turn your phone on wanted you to know all this stuff that happened during that sleep time and sister you just texted me and I was a little nervous because you just texted me I was giving
you all the information which now I know it was stupid because you were like on another planet but you wrote you just wrote back I had all like all these things that I told you and then you just wrote back I am so sleeping in all caps and I was like oh my god like it felt like something I'd
get from an Emma I was like is she okay and Abby was like no it's okay she's just on drugs okay I mean I couldn't believe how tired I was that was my over archie I'm like I don't I've never been this tired I'm so tired that was my overwhelming I was shocked yes you were you were no questions
about your boobs no questions about anything you were just like why I'm like you're not gonna believe how tired I am unbelievable this is notable yeah and then we came home and sweet jump was just doing all the things all the rushing around doing all the things we pulled into
your driveway and dad was standing at the end of the driveway holding a Guinness at three p.m. because any excuse to celebrate with the Guinness it was really adorable and then Alice ran out of the front door she had written a sign that was on the front door that said it did not say get well
soon because that's not Alice's jam it said we are so relieved that you are better right we're so relieved that you are okay that you are okay and I thought well that's correct we are so relieved and then she ran out she doesn't mess around she's not like I'm not gonna tell you to get better
no no I know she ran out and sister I just want to say this you pissed me off in the first three seconds of being home because Amanda bends down and gets on her knees so she could be eye level with Alice and I'm fucking freaking out like how are we gonna get her up but she was still on a
little bit of jug so it was okay yeah but I just thinking this is gonna I don't know it was the sweetest thing in the world and it was so sweet and I was still so like oh gosh and you actually were able to stand up on your own without needing any I was like thinking I'm gonna have to hold
your buttocks and prop you up because you can't grab somebody's arms who's just had you know bilateral mastectomy so tell us what you remember about the early parts of being home and recover you had stations set up you had one in the living room and then you had another station upstairs
that had the chair that we had gotten from rent to center wherever that yeah and then you had baskets talk to people about the tubes the drains the drains yeah this is an important insect to me I don't know if we're ever going to be able to show this video but I want to show people
because it's very hard to explain but when you get home see if this will work all right so when you get the surgery they will give you the special kind of bra that you're supposed to wear for like six weeks and it sort of looks like a sports bra but it has little circles that hang down that
your drains come on a lot of people say that drains are the most annoying part there's pain but then the most difficult part is you have to live with these drains for up to three weeks I think on average it's two weeks and what the drains are doing is they are removing fluid from your surgical
area so you get put into the side of you a little hole it's a little hole on the side of you that then it's a catheter right so it's called maby this thing yep tube catheter tube a tube goes into the hole and that's meant to drain the fluid from the surgical site so then you have the
drain coming down and if you have a bilateral mastectomy you have a drain on each side so you can see here this is coming out of my tube draining into this bulb bulb to bulb it looks like a grenade size plastic container yeah they say it looks like a football but it actually looks like a grenade
because you can see the little side of the tube where you empty the bulb looks like a little detonator but yeah it's a little plastic bulb and so the bra is especially designated to adhere the bulb to the bra so it's not pulling down something you will want to have is a couple
of these shirts either a belt or these shirts that have the pocket either one is fine about you can wear but I think the shirts are more comfortable that the bulb can then sit in so it's not weighing on you and not putting pressure on the catheter at the site of the drain there's different kinds of
coverings you have mine is called a biodeurm well tagaderm is the strip that goes over and then the bio it's like a biopatch a biopatch I think yeah biopatch and the little circle that goes over the drainage site is a biopatch and then there's a clear plastic that goes over all of it which is
called tagaderm. And then tell them one of the most important parts of your jobs during recovery with these drains are what well it depends what they say for me it's I've been doing it once a day to both strains some people call it strain come with some called milk or whatever the tubes so what
you're basically doing is making sure that the you're basically squeezing the tubes holding on to the end of it kind of like how you'd hold on to your hair to brush out a knot on the end of the hair you hold on to it so it doesn't pull and then you take an alcohol swab on your fingers and just pull it pull it tight again and pull it tight again with your fingers on it and that is working through all of the blood clots to keep the fluid flowing and then once a day you also drain the bulbs
to make sure that you're getting enough drainage and not too much drainage and to determine the time in which you can take the drains out and most people say that if you when you have under 30 milliliters is what most people say you might have a lower threshold but 30 milliliters in a 24-hour period
you're doing it every 24 hours and then you get to the time period where two days in a row you have less than 30 milliliters that comes out that that is a time where it's appropriate to remove the drain. Hmm what do you remember as the scariest or lowest moments of your recovery and then I want to talk
about what we're like some high moments if there were any. I think maybe lowest point is like just trying to get through the hardest parts of their recovery honestly I think that for me at the one week mark turned a major turn like really felt a lot better at the one week mark I know
that's not true for a lot of people but the first several days were really hard a lot of pain even trying to lean back I don't know how people go home and sleep in a bed because I couldn't even lean forward and back without it being painful but I think probably the lowest was just like oh I'm trying to get through this whole thing and I kind of forgot that there's a whole like pathology thing after this. It's like getting to a finish line that was so arduous and then somebody
reminds you there's a whole mother finish line. Right like I don't like that but honestly I've been really really lucky I think it's got to be a lot I wouldn't imagine for me it would have been a lot harder to go through this process without the possibility of nibble sparing I think that that's
got to feel different in terms of the night before the surgery I remember being in the shower and thinking like oh my god this is my last shower for a long time where I can actually just be in the shower and walk around the shower and then I was touching my breasts and holding them and being
like oh my god this is my last time with you our whole lives we've been together and then this is the last our last dance you know and feeling really strange about that and the john and I were talking about it after and like it doesn't feel totally like that actually because the part that I was
touching and the shower is still there you know it still looks the same I mean it looks really wack right now but but it's still my nipple it's still my aryo let's still my skin and I think it would be much harder for me and I don't know if it's true for others to have to be adjusting to
what seeing a different thing on me even with the scars seeing the scars is weird seeing your body kind of chopped up a little bit is weird but knowing that it's just different stuff inside but I can still feel the same outside is a comfort and so I think that I really have been grateful that we found people who know how to do that and I know I'm still not out of the woods like the pathology could come back and they could have to take the right nipple but it's been a convert for this time
and I really feel for people who have to make all of these adjustments that quickly. Can you remind us of what we're waiting for with the pathology I think we didn't talk about that this episode so now we're nine days post-misectomy and we are waiting for the final pathology which is what
and will mean what we'll tell us exactly what they found in all the breast tissue to find out what kind of cancer how extensive it is whether something we didn't talk about in the last episode is margins another reason to work with a very very skilled surgeon like Dr. Lucy Dela Cruz
who is my surgeon is because the exactness and precision especially if you're a small person especially if you don't have a lot of fat in your breasts especially if you have small breasts so we're looking at me here like in my case there is the margin for error is so small especially because
my cancer was like right close anteriorly and posteriorly very close to the skin on the front of my breast and also going towards the back wall my chest wall so when they cut out all the breast tissue in the mastectomy they then take that and they cut it into a bunch of slides and they
look at it and they're looking for a couple of things they're looking for the cancer that exists there what kind is it how extensive is it what do we actually see in this because we again in the biopsy we only saw a little snapshot of one part and they're also looking for what we call margins
which are okay here the margin is the distance between where the cancer ends and the tissue they took okay so it's basically like if it's a coloring book and you're like coloring it in you can't color right up against the line where you take it out right because we need a barrier of
clean healthy tissue between the cancer and the cut where we take it out so when we take out the tissue we want to see the cancer end then we want to see a barrier of clean tissue because that way we know that the tissue that's left behind is totally clean yes and has no cancer in it
that is really tricky to do in someone like me that has the cancer goes really close to the skin there's not a barrier of fat there so the margins are very important you're supposed to have two millimeter margins to feel safe it's very small it's crazy but if you have a two millimeter barrier
of clean tissue we feel good about that some people think that one millimeter is okay one half millimeters is okay whatever it is but if you have any positive margins meaning that you have no clean tissue between what you cut out and the tissue that's left that's not safe because there's
could be cancer still there and still growing that's called a positive margin and then they have close margins which are technically less than two millimeters so in the case of positive margins you have an issue in the case of close margins you have to look really carefully and say is this
something we can deal with we can live with or not do we need to be probably looking into other therapies because there's a possibility given this close margin that there is some transference and there is some still existing inside of there and is the other one negative margin that you're in the clear correct and yes we call negative margin so if they say to you when the pathology comes through negative margin that means yay it's plus two millimeters it's two millimeters or more yes okay
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weekend today. Couple more things that we could close with first of all I want to know if there's anything else that you want to say about msectomy day or leave people with before we close second of all I want to make sure that when we get to this doctor that we figure out and offer people
what do you do to get all of this help if you don't have five people when I think about how much brain power it took from our entire family to get through this I think what about people who don't have that and I know there are resources I know there are places to go to find community around
this and we will find those places and offer them to you when we do the expert because it really just feels like there should be another person in every appointment that is even the doctor and isn't the patient it's like an advocate at doula or something but in the absence of that what do
people do we will find that out and then lastly do you think that you would ever be interested in doing an episode about you know when I think about spending that time at your house and the amount of community support and the way people showed up in a million different ways for you in your
community yeah I do wonder if we could do an episode at some point about like what helps yeah and I mean little things like I'm thinking about the people that showed up with breakfast instead of dinner and we were like whoa that's creative and helpful because we have so many
dinner breakfast we've no one said we know we know we still six because we're just like doing the best we can just tiny little things that you could tell oh that person's been through something like this because they know exactly what to send yeah so could we maybe do an
episode on that I love that idea okay I love that idea and and I would love to know I mean my community has been absolutely ridiculous and beautiful and I would feel so grateful for that to be able to talk about that and also people should just if you've been through something hard
and there's things that really worked for you email us or call us back because I would love to people are desperate everyone is desperate to help and so I would love to do a conversation about that and if you do if you've been through it doesn't have to be mastectomy surgery if you've been through
a medical thing and people have shown up for you in ways that were you know really helpful and creative just please call us and we'll we'll talk about it we'll do a whole episode on that so we can know how
to show up for each other because we all want to it's 747 205 307 and also if you know organizations that offer support to people who don't have a support team let us know that they're too I think that's really important so before we go can you talk to us about you scared us the other day because
you said you were on your way to Bobby's baseball game and I was like oh my god please don't let anyone touch you or breathe near you or hug you or anything I wasn't worried about other people I was worrying about her and how into the games she gets when she watches but I know I know you just wrote back no kicking fences yeah sister gets really intense I'm not I'm not in my kicking fences era at the moment which has been every era prior to right now so tell us how that went when you finally
ventured out and what was that experience like yes so it was I wasn't planning on it but again like at the one week mark I just felt I felt like something changed where I felt okay and so it was yeah it was my first time putting on clothes that were not like have this shirt for your mastectomy
clothes and first time in the car and then first time out of the house and he had a baseball game and we got there I knew it was going to be too much to like be around people because actually infection is one of the key things you have to be worried about with all this so I knew I couldn't
be super around people and also I just didn't have the energy to be around people so I went with John John helps coach so he has to get early to every game anyway Bobby had a night baseball game which is really rare they only have one a season that starts at 7 30 it's under the light
so it's very fun so I got there super early and John set me up in what I affectionately called the hinterland because it was basically like half a mile felt like it was like half a mile from the baseball field up really high and behind this fence that was covered with ivy so I could honestly
like barely see the field but I could see it and he just had me set up in a little chair it was beautiful night and I could just take the game in and I was just so happy to be there and I'm usually like screaming really loud at everything and all fired up and involved but I wasn't I was just
kind of there watching it and taking it in and it was so beautiful and it was an amazing game and Bobby got out of a little hitting slump which was a real victory for us all and it was just it was it just I felt very grateful to be there and it felt like surreal to feel like oh wait there's
going to be a there's going to be an after of this you know there's going to be like a not inside the house all consuming this is what we do now part of this there's going to be an after end and it felt really delightful felt really felt really grateful it just I feel really thankful and
I don't know it's a beautiful night can I say this one thing because I just think that the way you have handled going through this whole process to me having gone through many processes not mastectomies but kind of processes that were potentially devastating I think it's important
to tell you that I really feel like this is true that you handled it pretty impeccably witnessing you learn everything about this teach us about it welcome us into it and to watch you also have frustrations and to also express them and to also you know I think on
the very first podcast you said that you were going to emotionally deal with this later I actually think you've been emotionally handling this so beautifully all the way through you've been really dealing with this like one step at a time which is true which is real which is important
you have handled things you've compartmentalized what you needed to to deal with some stuff after you've had to do this while parenting small children you've had a husband who is shown up in ways that you might not see because your upstairs on your lazy boy recliner but like the way
that John showed up for you I just want you to believe in all the fibers of your being that like I could not have done this better than you and I think I'm really good at this shit you have handled this beautifully the way you've included your community how thoughtful you were all the
way through how smart you've been how you had to make these decisions on your own this is your body and I just I commend you for up until this moment how beautifully you've gone through this process you've done an incredibly beautiful job well I received that and I'm grateful for that and I have
tried to do that and also I have been doing this under what can only be the optimal most ridiculously lucky privileged position possible at every stage that I'm navigating this I know had not one of the tent poles that are surrounding me not been there it would have been different
think about it every step I have a job that y'all are like see you later go do what you have to do for a month plus now and granted family medical leave act allows if you're covered by that for this to be covered for that purpose as well as a caregiver so look into that but plenty of people are not
in situations that are covered by FMLA plenty of people don't have the option to even get the screenings to begin with because they don't get paid if they leave work yep so like all of this depends me being here right now in this position depends on that ability so I just feel like
and having not to have to carry all the stress of the burden because I knew that three of you were just having all of the capacity to be able to take the time get the appointments that I needed have the conversations that I needed to have to come to the decisions like I'm very very aware
that I have the perfect storm which enabled me to do this in a way that I can feel really good about and it's very upsetting to me that I am ridiculous anomaly in this like I just I don't think it's fair or right and everything about breast cancer is really there's a very political piece of this
that I also want to talk about at some point it's very political as to why I could handle this with a lot of grace and as to why even found out about it at a time to make a long healthy life after this possible you know yeah but it's so I mean I received that and I thank you for that and I've
tried hard to do that and also I wouldn't have had a prayer to do that if I didn't have the hundred things that I have that I'm lucky enough to have you know my mind it's a black woman are 40% more likely to die of breast cancer than white woman and it isn't just about
availability of screenings it's about they have more aggressive triple negative breast cancer but do we know that I don't think we do I don't think anyone knows that to the extent that they need to and I don't know that treatments are it screenings are made more available as a result of
that I you know people with dense extraordinarily dense breaths like the three of us are six times more likely to have cancer than your average bear but we get a notification on our mammograms that says like this may not be legit yep but it doesn't say get your ass to an MRI because that's the only
thing that can see your cancer and that is political yep so I don't know I think there's a lot there's a lot that can be learned from this that I hope that we can do together yeah but I feel really grateful and I I have had this is a ridiculous thing but I have had moments where I've looked around
at all of the encouragement and love and notes and gifts and funny little offerings that I've been given and truly thinking I feel so bad for people who don't have something terrible and public happen to them because then how do they ever know how loved they are mm-hmm I wouldn't
have known that yeah and I know that that's a ridiculous like it sounds so polyanna but you just wouldn't know and maybe people would take that over having this kind of diagnosis but it's certainly a unique offering and insight to be like wow there's a lot of love and people
that you didn't even know loved you or you didn't know that maybe you could rely on that heavily and that you would never have found out but for something like this yeah and that's a very cool gift it's not nothing it's not nothing it's not nothing well I think it's amazing and beautiful that
you're already turning this into something that can offer other people a little bit of solidarity information you're wonderful we will have experts on to get into this stuff more the details but in the meantime Cicci we love you so much we admire you so much this has been
I don't know I was talking to a friend who has gone through this and I just said all I know is that I will never be the same after this and I don't ever want to be and she said she's recovering from breast cancer now she said all right just don't go around
telling people that because I told people that I was enlightened forever after my breast cancer and now it's been a year and I'm pissy and petty again and now people wonder why so just don't announce that you're permanently enlightened exactly there's always that period after exactly
don't worry we'll get to see him petty again yeah exactly I'm forever different and also in some ways the same so don't expect me to drop that shit right still mad still mad about everything grateful but okay pod squad we love you we'll see you here next time bye
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