In this episode, Coach Ellen Melon gets real about what happens when our inner control freak takes the wheel — and how to find peace when life refuses to cooperate. At 32 weeks pregnant and freshly unemployed, Ellen shares honest stories from the last few months: hospital visits with her toddler, sleepless nights in an Ice Castle, money talks with her partner Mike, and the humbling realization that control is just fear dressed up as productivity. Through the lens of Al-Anon wisdom, HALT (hungry,...
Nov 13, 2025•50 min•Season 6Ep. 69
In this solo episode, Ellen dives into the unconscious mind and explores how shadow work might be the missing link between what we say we want and what we actually attract. Drawing from Dr. Carolyn Elliott's book Existential Kink , and referencing the well-known quote from A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson, this episode introduces listeners to a transformative practice: the Deepest Fear Inventory . Ellen shares personal reflections on craving change — a new house, job, or creative path — w...
May 14, 2025•31 min•Season 6Ep. 68
In this episode, I explore the deep discomfort of uncertainty, the scarcity mindset, and how they intertwine with faith, trust, and self-worth. Since going part-time at work and navigating new family responsibilities, I've struggled with the fear of the unknown. Inspired by a powerful quote from Conclave and insights from The Soul of Money by Lynne Twist, I discuss how scarcity thinking shapes our daily lives and how we can shift towards sufficiency and trust. This episode includes reflections, ...
Mar 24, 2025•30 min•Season 6Ep. 67
Description: In this New Year 2025 episode, I reflect on the biggest lessons I learned over the past year—a tradition that has shaped my personal growth since my late 20s. From the challenges of motherhood and navigating work relationships to the importance of curiosity, holiday traditions, and personal integrity, I share insights that shaped my year and might resonate with you. I also open up about my absence from podcasting, the realities of balancing work, family, and personal well-being, and...
Feb 15, 2025•58 min•Season 6Ep. 66
Part 3 of 7! This season on To Hump a Pillow, I invite my fiance Mike to the podcast in a 7-Episode Relationship Series to discuss challenging conversations that occur in couple-hood. We'll deep-dive into 7 deliciously uncomfortable topics: How to talk about envious and jealous feelings How to talk about money and finances, spending habits Sex life - how it's changed over our relationship and how to ask for what you need On taking things too personally Maintaining individualism and ensuring alon...
Dec 13, 2023•1 hr 5 min•Season 5Ep. 65
Dear listeners, pardon my absence! After taking a year off of the podcast, being pregnant, buying a house, having a baby, getting engaged, I am back and ready to share some new content on the podcast. This season on To Hump a Pillow, I invite my fiance Mike to the podcast in a 7-Episode Relationship Series to discuss challenging conversations that occur in couple-hood. We'll deep-dive into 7 deliciously uncomfortable topics: How to talk about envious and jealous feelings How to talk about money ...
Nov 15, 2023•50 min•Season 5Ep. 64
Dear listeners, pardon my absence! After taking a year off of the podcast, being pregnant, buying a house, having a baby, getting engaged, I am back and ready to share some new content on the podcast. This season on To Hump a Pillow, I invite my fiance Mike to the podcast in a 7-Episode Relationship Series to discuss challenging conversations that occur in couple-hood. We'll deep-dive into 7 deliciously uncomfortable topics: How to talk about envious and jealous feelings How to talk about money ...
Oct 11, 2023•47 min•Season 5Ep. 63
How do you integrate painful losses into your life while living? Grief is something we in the United States are known to do poorly. Perhaps it's the European decent that curved our culture's inability to feel feelings, perhaps it's industrial era-based where we learned that there's no time in our 40 hour work week to sit with grief, or perhaps our modern day fear machines (the media) have signaled to our bodies, 'It's not safe here - eject from your body.' Whatever got us here, grief is an impor...
Oct 26, 2022•54 min
In this episode we get to hear from a former client on his experience working with a sex and relationship coach. Addison and I worked for 4 months together back in January, meeting every 2 weeks via Zoom. Listen to the challenges he overcame in this episode. I'm a coach who specializes in working with people pleasers, codependents, and people with anxious-attachement styles. If you are someone who identifies with those labels, some challenges you might be having are… Being angry and blamey — sic...
Sep 28, 2022•1 hr 9 min
Welcome back to To Hump A Pillow! We're kicking off Season 4, our 20 episode season with episode #60 — on dating apps. When most of us think about dating apps, we roll our eyes at the thought of what a task that can be. "Dating apps suck" — a common refrain from most of my clients. I've said those word myself! What if the app isn't the problem? What if you're the problem? I've always wanted to do an episode about dating apps, and now I've got the data and experience (my own and from clients) to ...
Sep 07, 2022•1 hr 1 min
Ayahuasca is a powerful medicinal medicine that comes from the Amazon. It has been around for centuries, needs to be taken seriously, and is not for everyone. In this episode, fellow coach and healer, Kate Bandmann and I discuss our ayahuasca experiences — the terror and discomfort to the enhancements and growths. This is the last episode of Season 3! I'll see you in the fall when we kick off Season 4! Interested in work with a coach on your relationship style and sex life? Check out more info h...
Jun 08, 2022•1 hr 5 min
In this episode, I fly solo in offering a different perspective on the Texas School Shooting. Yes, maybe it's gun law reform and yes, it's also hurting children in angry bodies. As more people feel disconnected, they grow angrier. Happy, secure children who have a sense of self don't shoot up schools. It's time to teach people how to process their childhood and FEEL THEIR FEELINGS. I will discuss: My own experience of middle school and high school and what I noticed What is emotional neglect and...
May 29, 2022•1 hr 6 min
What are you thoughts and feelings on porn? How do you use it in your life? In this episode Sex Coach, Jessica Childs and I discuss our own relationship with porn. Episode adopted from Erotic Ed, a YouTube Channel that was deleted. Orignial recording date: 7/8/21 Interested in working with a Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach? Apply for 1on1 or couples coaching with me: www.ellenmelon.com/intimacy-coaching ____________________ Links we talked about: Episode #10. Thinking about a career in sex ...
May 12, 2022•57 min
Do you avoid conflict? Does it feel like you're walking on eggshells in your home, in your relationships? Then you need some education around repair. In this episode I pull out the Erotic Ed Archives — a YouTube Channel Show hosted by S x Coaches, Jessica and Ellen Melon – where we discuss the fundamentals of a repair conversation. Repair meaning, a hard conversation after an argument or rupture between 2 people. It's important to learn repair because it is a skill of empathetic listening and se...
Apr 27, 2022•50 min
For those of you who struggle with not being enough — your body type, your penis size, your ethnicity — this is an episode for you. In this episode I interview international sex expert and sex educator, Kenneth Play. Named the "world's greatest sex hacker" by GQ, he has been featured by more than one hundred media outlets, including The New York Times, Men's Health, Cosmopolitan, Huffington Post, and Nightline. Kenneth is an Asian immigrant with an average-sized penis who lived most of his early...
Apr 13, 2022•1 hr 3 min
How do you show up as the genuine YOU in dating? How do you know when you're performing? How can you ensure you're being authentic? In this illuminating episode, I invite Connell Barrett, Men's Dating Coach, to talk about his book, about his journey toward becoming a dating coach, and his own relationship experiences. We talk about confidence and how it relates to trust — the foundation of a sustainable relationship. Connell Barrett is the author of the best selling book Dating Sucks But You Don...
Mar 30, 2022•1 hr 10 min
"We have to belong to ourselves as much as we need to belong to others. Any belonging that asks us to betray ourselves is not true belonging." — Brene Brown, Atlas of the Heart Belonging is the key to intimate friendships. Never once have I felt the need to change myself or be someone else around Amy, Tom, or Hailey. I've always been able to be authentically received by them. Who is your support team? Who are the people who know how to hold you (metaphorically and physically) when you're having ...
Mar 16, 2022•1 hr 11 min
"We have to belong to ourselves as much as we need to belong to others. Any belonging that asks us to betray ourselves is not true belonging." — Brene Brown, Atlas of the Heart Belonging is the key to intimate friendships. Never once have I felt the need to change myself or be someone else around Amy, Tom, or Hailey. I've always been able to be authentically received by them. Who is your support team? Who are the people who know how to hold you (metaphorically and physically) when you're having ...
Mar 09, 2022•1 hr 15 min
Who is your support team? Who are the people who know how to hold you (metaphorically and physically) when you're having a tough day? When you're experiencing shame? Not enough-ness? Guilt? Anger? Grief? It took me a long time to find these people and cultivate what we have, but here is a 3 Part Series with my support team and a peek behind the curtain into what our conversations look like (via phone because they all live outside MN). So many clients ask me: "How do I cultivate intimate friendsh...
Mar 02, 2022•1 hr 12 min
In this episode, I invite Nischa Phair back for a deep dive on receiving pleasure, authentic sexuality and how they are related. Nischa tells us about how pleasure "is relational thing" — it is an outward thing that we share. She talks about how authentic sexuality is a commitment to a process — something we might not always practice well, but try our best next time. She also speaks to some other off-topics like "collapsing the vanilla-kink duality," "tend and befriend" behavior, and how breath ...
Feb 23, 2022•1 hr 14 min
Interested in working with a Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach? Apply for 1on1 or couples coaching with me: www.ellenmelon.com/intimacy-coaching ____________________ Links we talked about: https://www.nischaphair.com/site/about https://www.instagram.com/nischaphair/ Buy the book: https://www.nischaphair.com/fawn-book ____________________ Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach and Un-Educator, Ellen Melon can be found: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ellenmelonshow/ Facebook: https://www.fa...
Feb 16, 2022•1 hr 6 min
Isn't pleasure supposed to be gluttonous? Is too much pleasure a bad thing? Maybe. But not enough pleasure might be worse. "Pleasure" is a word many associate with sexual experiences. But pleasure sits alongside joy, gratitude, and our erotic energy – all the stuff that makes us feel alive. In this episode, Dr Rachel Allyn and I discuss how sex and pleasure were discussed in her home growing up, and what exactly is somatic therapy? Dr Rachel will tell us about her framework and practice of Bodyf...
Feb 09, 2022•56 min
In this episode, sex coaches Jessica Childs and Ellen Melon compare sexual experiences. Raw, informal, honest, we share insight on what sex and intimacy are...messy, complex, playful, silly, and erotic. Originally recorded for Erotic Ed YouTube Channel on 8/5/21. Interested in working with a Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach? Apply for 1on1 or couples coaching with me: www.ellenmelon.com/intimacy-coaching ____________________ Links we talked about: https://www.facebook.com/OracleIntimacy Plea...
Jan 06, 2022•1 hr
Do you know how to talk to yourself nicely during hard or frustrating times? During times of anger or being triggered? Did you know that our level of emotional neglect directly impacts our ability to self-regulate and self soothe (in healthy ways)? Interested in tools and ways to show yourself compassion? In this episode, Somatic coaches, Jessica Childs and Ellen Melon walk through what self compassion is and how it sounds. Learn how to nurture yourself – the way you never got from your parents....
Dec 23, 2021•1 hr 4 min
In this episode, Coach Ellen Melon does a deep dive on all-things boundaries — Her own experience with boundaries, the lineage of women before her and their lack of boundary-setting, finishing with a somatic boundary-mapping meditation that will help you better identify when a boundary has been crossed. If you are a codependent, people-pleaser, or someone with an anxious attachment style, this episode is for you. Interested in working with a Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach? Apply for 1on1 o...
Dec 08, 2021•59 min
Interested in working with a Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach? Apply for 1on1 or couples coaching with me: www.ellenmelon.com/intimacy-coaching ____________________ Links we talked about: Early to Bed Inya Sonnet Vibrator & Clitoral Suction: https://www.early2bed.com/?ref=ellenmelon Lia Holmgren: https://liaholmgren.com/ https://www.instagram.com/lia.the.trader/ Kink Shrink Article: https://nypost.com/2018/10/04/kink-shrink-whips-marriages-into-shape-with-bdsm-couples-coaching/ Get her b...
Nov 24, 2021•1 hr 1 min
Here's the thing about having kids — it changes everything. Your physical body, your mind, your hormones, your sex life, your sleeping life, what you eat, when you eat, and beyond. Many people don't talk about all the sucky parts of child-rearing because of fear that they are "doing it wrong" or will be deemed "bad parents" but what NOT TALKING ABOUT IT actually creates is mothers' beliefs that "there must be something wrong with me or my kids." Postpartum anxiety and depression are a huge part ...
Nov 10, 2021•1 hr 5 min
What happens to us in relationships when there is substance abuse? When we numb and cope with alcohol or drugs? How do we behave in intimate spaces with people we love? How is our sexuality impacted? In this episode, David Marion is going to give us some male insight into his own sex life and way of "relationshipping" over the course of his substance abuse journey and recovery journey. David and I discuss how substances ruined the ability to have strong secure relationships, the type of people h...
Oct 27, 2021•1 hr 2 min
Motherhood is hard. I don't even have kids and I know that. I have this amazing opportunity to speak with Kiri Honey, Life Coach for Moms whose mission is to inspire women to empower themselves to take the lead in their lives and relationships. To support them to take action that feels aligned and authentic to their wants and needs and on a practical level, help them focus on the key steps needed to rekindle the passion and fun in their relationships. In this episode we hear about Kiri's experie...
Oct 13, 2021•1 hr 14 min
In Part 2 of 2, we talk about the modern day Melanie is dealing with from her journey — real time hardships and repair in her relationship with her husband, being a mom during her coming off of pharmaceutical drugs and her psychosis, and observations around how her family treats and observes her, as well as the changes she is making as a mom. Her story is bold, raw, messy and gorgeous. If you are mom who is in the throws of family and religion and mental health, you should take a listen. In Part...
Oct 01, 2021•1 hr 30 min
