There's a whole movement we're experiencing when it comes to religious shame and trauma. People are waking up, sick of being oppressed. The controlling nature of purity culture in religious communities has hurt women the most. In this episode Part 1 of 2, we hear a detailed story from Faith Deconstruction Coach, Melanie Cain about her religious upbringing. Trigger warning: This episode excplicitly talks about rape, assault, molestation, and other violence. Please take care of yourself as you lis...
Sep 15, 2021•1 hr 6 min
Welcome back to Season 3! We are kicking off our first episode of the season with some real talk — like I know any other kind? ;) I'm going to share some findings around my experience with grief, loss, and being alone, aiming at giving you greater awareness into your own process, patterns, behaviors, fears — the uncomfortable stuff. This is the type of stuff we don't really want to look at because it's painful. I'm going to share about my 48 hour weekend staying at a hermitage retreat center (a ...
Sep 01, 2021•1 hr 9 min
It's not safe for men to show emotions in this lifetime. We're working on it but it's still not safe. Safety is necessary for ANYONE at ANYTIME to be vulnerable. I've hosted men's groups and interviewed many men — the theme is always the same — "Quit crying or I'll give you something to cry about, don't be a pussy, man up, toughen up." Male conditioning in our culture is homophobic, dissmissive, and insensitive. In this episode Sam Sarver, drummer, mailman, record-collector enthusiast, and long-...
Jul 07, 2021•1 hr 15 min
In this episode, I speak with Darien Washington, co-host of podcast Food for Worms about a lot of different stuff. We touch on his sexual upbringing – early sexual encounters, period sex, and porn usage. We talk about his work in in the music industry, managing a label during a pandemic. We also talk about childhood memories - being out past dark and getting in trouble. He shares with us his personal insights on being a black man in Minnesota, with all this racism and shootings in the background...
Jun 23, 2021•1 hr 18 min
"How do I know if I'm a people-pleaser?" It's also known as the need to prove your worth. In this episode 2 people-pleasers join forces to talk about the ways in which people pleasing has showed up for throughout our lives. As Brene Brown says, "If our self worth is not high, we are quick to change we are." Aparna Sagaram, is an LMFT providing Mental Health Services since 2014, helping couples and individuals step into more authentic versions of themselves and heal relationships. We'll hear from...
Jun 09, 2021•1 hr 1 min
You know the sensation you get when people discount your feelings? Like when you're noticing a feeling and someone says, "Just think about something good or happy." That's toxic positivity. Being positive has become a new normal for moral correctness and it's actually causing us harm. Toxic positivity is the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset. It's a "good vibes only" approach to life. And while there are benefits to being an opt...
May 26, 2021•1 hr 13 min
How the heck do you make time for sensuality and intimacy in your long-term relationship? In this episode, we are going to get some amazing perspectives from an expert couple... Erwan and Alicia Davon, the best Extended Orgasm teachers in the world and arguably the most comprehensive relationship teachers in the world, have been together for almost 20 years. We're going to hear from them about their daily sensual orgasm practice, what they teach as pleasure experts, explore feminine/masculine dy...
May 12, 2021•1 hr 3 min
In this episode, we talk to Author, Provocateur, Agorist, and Freethinker, Khaliq Sim, about his sexual upbringing as a very religious virgin who loved to mack on girls, having a father who was the image of infidelity and objectifying women, his porn addiction, and his love for erotic poetry and spoken word. Khaliq Sim, (also known as Pablo Zambrano) grew up in NYC and just recently during the pandemic, relocated to Florida. He tells us why. We talk a little bit about his book, Journey Through P...
Apr 28, 2021•1 hr 16 min
What is holistic kink? Conscious sex? Sexual fluidity? Energetics of sex? We're gonna find out. In this episode, adult performer and coach, Mr. Dex Parker gives us a lesson in what to means to be an authentic sexual being. We'll discuss his sexual upbringing, how he found himself in making adult content, and male conditioning — what society labels as "masculine" and the pressures that come with it. We unpack stigma and self-pleasure through his article, called, "Sexual Fluidity & Playing wit...
Apr 14, 2021•1 hr 21 min
How do you talk to your kids about sex? One conversation and done? Or start to lay bread crumbs from when they are young all the way to adolescence? Natajsa Visser has some great solutions and frameworks to help parents get some perspective on the topic. In this episode, we'll discuss how her parents talked to her about sex – growing up in a religious household – how to approach "the talk" targeting mistakes parents should avoid, what age should your child be dating, how to define love, and hard...
Mar 31, 2021•1 hr 2 min
What influences someone to become a Female Dominatrix? What does it look like in the room with Female Dominatrix? How does this career influence your personal life? In this episode Goddess Aviva, NYC Lifestyle Female Dominatrix, will tell us all about her career in sex work for the past 6 years. We'll hear about her sexual upbringing (how was sex talked about in the home, at school, among peers), the stigma of sex work — how this industry is still looked down upon — and having worked with so man...
Mar 17, 2021•1 hr 4 min
Mar 03, 2021•49 min
I've been dealing with Emotional Availability (well, the lack of it), for the first time in a relationship over the past 9 months, witnessing myself exhibiting behavior that makes me go, "I don't like who I'm becoming" and feeling an overall sense of disempowerment. This is a very personal podcast episode where I'll share some insights from my own intimate relationship and some patterns I've noticed myself exhibiting, like anxious attachment and codependency. In this episode, I'm going to teach ...
Feb 10, 2021•34 min
"When you own your breath, no one can steal your peace." I have to confess: I heard this a lot in my 20s and now that I'm in my 30s, I get it and see the value. As an Aquarius, an Air Sign, who has struggled with breathing her whole life, this episode educates you on the powerful tool we all have within us to calm ourselves down. Call it breathwork, call it meditation, call it mindfulness, call it embodiment. We'll begin with my background of improper breathing. Then I'll teach you about 3 ways ...
Jan 28, 2021•46 min
Wild Raychel is going to tell us all about kink, feitsh, BDSM, and more. Rachel is on the path to becoming a sex & relationship coach specializing in kink & feitshes for people who are looking to get started in BDSM and don't know where to begin or are intimidated of the community. She has been experimenting in the kink scene since 2016 but has been tapped into her own sadomasochism and power exchange fetishes for much longer than that. She boldly shares with us the fantasies she's hot f...
Dec 16, 2020•1 hr 13 min
In this episode, Rachel Overvoll shares her story of growing up in a religious cult and its oppression of female pleasure, her healing through BDSM, a real example of an erotic consent conversation, and shares her observations and experiences in non-monogamy vs monogamy. Rachel and I are peers in the Somatica Institute Relationship and Sex Coaching Program.She and I are cut from the same cloth in that we hold back nothing — she tells us how she freed herself from the cult but is still unlearning...
Dec 03, 2020•1 hr 7 min
Sexual health is now considered as one of the four pillars of health: Physical, Mental, Spiritual and Sexual. In this episode, Dr. Susie Gronski and I discuss the 6 Sexual Health Principles: Consent, Non-Exploitation, Honesty, Shared Values, Protection, Pleasure. She is a physical therapist specializing in male pelvic floor dysfunction and pain for people with penises — Sexual health is very important to her and she has spent a lot of time understanding it. We'll hear from Dr. Susie about her se...
Nov 18, 2020•51 min
Leadership. Where is it? Who has it? Where has it gone? To be a leader you must be courageous — At least that's what our history books tell us. But what does courage mean? What does it look like? For me, I think it looks like leading with vulnerability and being able to hold myself accountable. In this episode, I discuss the art of holding people accountable, Brene Brown's Armoring Up Process, her empathy and shame research, and sharing some raw personal examples of how I armor up and how I've h...
Nov 04, 2020•42 min
SYM1 and I are totally cut from the same cloth, in that we both love talking about our sexuality and welcoming others to talk about their sexuality. This discussion is broken up into 2 parts. In these 2 episodes, I have a conversation with SYM1, Minneapolis-based music artist who uses sexuality and erotica in her art. We're going to hear about SYM1s sexual upbringing, but we're also going to talk about her early experiences of racism. A couple points of our discussion: The definition of "malado,...
Oct 21, 2020•48 min
SYM1 and I are totally cut from the same cloth, in that we both love talking about our sexuality and welcoming others to talk about their sexuality. This discussion is broken up into 2 parts. In these 2 episodes, I have a conversation with SYM1, Minneapolis-based music artist who uses sexuality and erotica in her art. We're going to hear about SYM1s sexual upbringing, but we're also going to talk about her early experiences of racism. A couple points of our discussion: The definition of "malado,...
Oct 21, 2020•41 min
Welcome back to Season 2 of To Hump A Pillow! My aim with this podcast is to enhance the language and conversation around sex to give partners, people, the community, the courage to speak up, ask questions, and discover pleasure. To choose pleasure, love and joy and opt out of suffering. I'm kicking off this season with something that I have found incredibly helpful and an agent for change. The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. This book is directly connected to our relationship with SELF, the...
Oct 08, 2020•47 min
Who feels like they are curious and always ask WHY? Why though? I want to better understand. Well, this audio is BONUS footage, leftover from episode 18 and might offer some perspective. After listening to the bonus footage from episode 18, Sex & intimacy after chronic illness - with Chris Maxwell Rose, I've realized that sometimes asking why IS QUITE HARMFUL, because it brings me further away from acceptance. Take a listen if you feel like you ask why…….all the freaken time and want to find...
Jul 29, 2020•14 min
To be healthy and able-bodied is a blessing and the possibility of that changing MANY TIMES throughout the course of our lives is very realistic. Bodies change. Health events occur. To both us and to our loved ones, and thus, we experience different erotic seasons. In this episode, I invite Chris Maxwell Rose to lead a discussion on the love and compassion we need to give ourselves when our health takes a nose-dive. How does sexuality change? Intimacy? Desire? Touch? We discuss how to listen to ...
Jul 23, 2020•1 hr 21 min
This episode marks 1 year almost to the day since the end of my 8 year relationship. July 2nd would mark both our anniversary and also the day he moved out. 365 days have gone by since the breakup of the most significant relationship in my life. I knew I would do this episode and I'm really excited to share with you what I've learned about myself and how my view of the world has changed as a result of the processing and internal work I've done. While it's none of your business what I've learned ...
Jul 01, 2020•50 min
What does mean to make a space safer? What is a safe space? According to Shawna Potter, it's being aware of the presence and behavior you have in places where you work, gather, and play. In this episode, Shawna and I discuss street harassment and how to stop it as a victim and as a bystander, healthy flirting, what it means to a feminist, and how being "an independent woman" can hold you back from interpersonal relationships. All of these things are laid out in greater detail in her book Making ...
Jun 19, 2020•1 hr 31 min
In Episode 6, we hear a woman's perspective on what it's like to experience a long-term triad, thrupples, and polyamory. Today, we get to hear from Mallory's partner, Jonah all about the man's perspective. We'll hear about his sexual upbringing, his take on power dynamics in a triad, and his experiences and thoughts on polyamory and thrupples. Listen to Episode #6: Bisexuality and thrupples: Exploring triad relationships in your late 20s - with Mallory for lady perspective. _____________________...
Jun 04, 2020•1 hr 3 min
When you enter parenthood for the first time, your duo relationship becomes a trio and everything is new. That's what our guest is going to be talking about today. In this episode, Dr. Natalie Rosen joins us from Hallifax to discuss how sex changes in partnerships with first time parents, taking a deep dive into her resource called; Post Baby Hanky Panky . She will also be telling us about her other areas of research: genito-pelvic pain; low libido, arousal disorder, vulva shaming, and a few oth...
May 20, 2020•1 hr 4 min
Do you have a close friend of the opposite sex, with whom you can speak intimately and informally? I do and boy, am I fortunate. This is a non-judgemental, playful, and open conversation between two people that have been really good friends for almost a decade. In this episode, I invite my dear friend, Tom, to the show. I'll be asking about his sexual experiences from adolescence, how his sex life has changed from early 20s to approaching 30s, what's his take on the dating scene in the advent of...
May 06, 2020•1 hr 31 min
This episode is for those who need help understanding transgender experiences. Maybe you are intimidated by the LBGTQ jargon or feel like you can't keep up. Maybe you have kids that are experiencing gender dysphoria or gender fluidity. Maybe you are a person who feels like you've never REALLY FELT LIKE you've been yourself and are looking for answers. Wherever you're at, Episode 12, this episode, is going to provide you with a new perspective. I've brought back special guest and sex-educator, El...
Apr 22, 2020•1 hr 5 min
What the heck is prostate massage? Prostate milking? The male G-spot? In this episode, we're going to tell you all about it — how prostate massage can lead to powerful 'Super' orgasms. Our guest, Marlon is sharing his story about his sexual education upbringing, walks us through his curiosity with anal play, and in great detail shares with us his first-time experience of using a prostate massage. Shop prostate massagers:https://www.aneros.com/#a_aid=ellenmelon Interesting in working with a Sex &...
Apr 08, 2020•1 hr 29 min
