**PATRONS ONLY EPISODE** To give, or not to give: THAT is the question. Wanna know our answer bitch? We're back to cracktion and ready for the first episode following the fall shequinox. And you know what that means: no more hearing my loud A/C unit in the back of every episode! LOL. YAY!!! This week, we catch up as sisters for a good while, mostly to psychoanalyze Cris and his recurring The Biggest Loser dream. But that's not all: we kind of review Bjork's new single ATOPOS and talk about how m...
Sep 23, 2022•11 min•Ep. 111
We heard that the big titty woodshop teacher is actually the headmaster... wanna know she got THAT name? We're back! Finally there was some good fucking FOOD on the timeline this week, so we really dig deep. First, we review Rina Sawayama's new album HOLD THE GIRL and really get carried away with our... strong feelings on the matter. Then, we go back to black: mermaids that is. We talk about the Little Mermaid remake and get to the bottom of whether Halle Bailey is an instrument of the Great Rep...
Sep 17, 2022•1 hr 31 min•Ep. 110
Fergalicious debt. Fergalicious debt. Fergalicious debt... debt debt debt debt debt debt debt debt debt Fergalicious debtfinition make Joe Biden pay me This week, we put on our lab coats to explore the dark side of Bro-tox: injecting toxins into your asshole; the final frontier for gay monstrosity. Is it worth risking incontinence to put more PP in your butt? We get to the BOTTOM of it. Teehee! Then, we talk about MAGA Barbie Sydney Sweeney and make her pay for the sick and twisted crime of bein...
Sep 02, 2022•1 hr 40 min•Ep. 108
NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT THIS!!! We're baby got BACK and this week we're SETTLING IT. ONCE AND FOR ALL! We go through the annoying Twitter thread of the week wherein one GAY user asks: "What in the LGBT community do we need to talk about more??" If you immediately thought "nothing" then this is the episode for you. We settle the age-old debates of homosexuality, from the right people not wanting to fuck you, to "queer spaces that don't involve alcohol or sex." Now there's NO NEED to talk about an...
Aug 19, 2022•1 hr 39 min•Ep. 106
Disease strikes the Thot Topics Lounge and the girls are separated by FOUR WHOLE CITY BLOCKS by Nick's late-game Covid diagnosis. More like BLOWMIcron am I right? Covid may be able to keep us apart but it CAN'T extinguish our spirit, and this episode is just as sassy and girly as ever. While Nick repeatedly hacks up a lung on the air, we cover a LOT of ground. Nick's trip to the deep south inspires us to ask: is homophobia real? Is being a libtard an appropriate response to being gay? Is Memphis...
Aug 12, 2022•30 min•Ep. 105
⚠️ Time to BeRetarded. ⚠️ TRUST THE SCIENCE. *Our* science. Thank God you guys have us to solve this pubic-- oh, sorry, public-- health crisis. We have the way out of the Monkeypox jungle, and here's a hint: ixnay on the ettinggay uttednay inyay! But naturally, that's not all! We monkey around and defend Elon Musk's enlarged ribcage, and talk about the lady who let some guy fuck her thigh crease until he came and how that apparently qualifies her to talk about abortion? Whatever. We don't really...
Jul 23, 2022•1 hr 26 min•Ep. 103
ALERT! NO MORE MR. NICE GAY! We now have enough paying sisters to keep satisfied that we are changing our schedule-- we'll be alternating every week between free and paid episodes. If you don't like it, blow us! Or send us $4 on Patreon and gain access to every episode, every week. This week is paid, but it's a real banger episode-- you definitely don't want to miss babe. Pollen: It's the Reason for the Sneazin'! We're back, and not a moment too late! This week, the girls have a therapeutic vent...
Jul 15, 2022•3 min•Ep. 102
We asked Biden if he'd swear us onto the SuCREAM court, but he said we weren't qualified, cuz that thang be squirtin'! We return after our triumphant centennial episode to bravely offer our highly sought-after takes on politics. We know it's your favorite-- we're so good at it! We predict whether gay marriage will survive the decade, but also ask some more fundamental questions: How does plumbing work? Is diet soda actually zero calories? Is abortion giving, or is it not? Let it be muthafuckin' ...
Jul 07, 2022•1 hr 26 min•Ep. 101
100 EPISODES!!!! To the moon, Alice! The goon palace! The long-awaiting Thot Topics centennial is upon us, and to celebrate our womanniversary we reached out to listeners like YOU to construct the WHEEL OF WHORETUNE-- over 70 topics were submitted for consideration and we got through a surprising amount of them! Round and round she goes-- where she stops, NOBODY knows! It's the ultimate test of podcasting endurance and we pass with flying colors. Also we got literally so drunk. POWER HOUR!!!!! W...
Jun 26, 2022•2 hr•Ep. 100
Though Pride Month may be upon us, at Thot Topics HQ it's NO MORE MR. DIONYSE GUY!! I really thought we'd gotten all the rage out on the last solo episode but apparently not! This week, gay guys really gave us a LOT to chew on and boy did it taste like SHIT! After a little bit of girly chitchat on the job market, we dive right into our review of Hulu's new gay "rom-com" FIRE ISLAND. Should Fire Island people stay there forever? Is continuing to fuck randos a satisfying end to a love story? Is it...
Jun 10, 2022•1 hr 40 min•Ep. 99
There's NO business like YO business, so you know we had to get up in there like swimwear! As part of our court-ordered 80 hours of community service, we reach out to broken-brain gay guys, pure-hearted young women, and straight guys who like us for whatever reason, to fix their lives Iyanla-style. And there's no shortage of crises to resolve-- is personal grooming for men too gay? Is there a way to break the gay frenemies cycle in the workplace? Is it ever a good move to move home with your par...
Jun 03, 2022•1 hr 49 min•Ep. 98
SQUEEZE the means of production. MILK the bourgeoisie for all it's worth. SUCK the power out of billionaires. RIDE into the perfect Marxist future. SLURP that dick till it cum. We're back! We know we've kept you waiting for a hot minute so we really play the hits on this one. First order of business is addressing Nick's haters: does thinking the bus is gross make you pedophile? Are you a Nazi for wanting to stop school shootings? Can you eat food or drive cars in good conscience under socialism?...
Jun 01, 2022•1 hr 34 min•Ep. 97
**PATREON EXCLUSIVE UNLOCKED** Cris is sick so we couldn't record an episode this week, but we'll be back on schedule this week including the new THOTLINE episode!! In the meantime, here's an offering from the VAULT to tide you over in the meantime. This land is. WHAT? This land is. WHO? This land is. OUUURR LAND We're back in the Gay Little Monkey Jungle swinging from tree to tree with a couple of skinny little apes: Sam and Gian of the defunct but never de-spunked TWINK REVOLUTION. Given the c...
May 29, 2022•1 hr 34 min
WOMAN MOMENT!! Thot Topics history is made once again as we invite the second woman in nearly 100 episodes into the Women's Business Lounge-- beloved friend of the pod, the gorgeous SYDNEY! And you're in for a real treat because nothing enables us to fag out more than being in a girl's apartment. This episode also features a lot of feline mischief in the background-- meOW! We perform a wellness check on the culture as we approach the halfway mark of 2022-- we review our In/Out list for 2022 and ...
May 19, 2022•1 hr 50 min•Ep. 96
No thots! Head empty! Durrrrrr duhhhhhhh We tried so hard to come up with something to talk about today and every time we attempted to start a topic it seemed really stupid and gay so we decided to throw caution to the wind and let our fuckin' freak flags fly! Over an HOUR of no topics, no structure, no effort, just pussyliciousness. Maybe if this episode was for PATRONS we'd give more of a FUCK! We literally talk about NOTHING! But in a way, what DON'T we talk about? Fat rights, Marsha P Johnso...
May 13, 2022•1 hr 19 min•Ep. 95
We're girls with a passion for cryptofascion! Clear the runway because it's officially OVER for fatties and uglies. We're back for the first solo episode of the GAY 4 MAY BLITZ-- for our greatest trick of all time, we're going to put out TWO EPISODES EVERY WEEK for the month of May. 1 for patrons, sisters, and true BELIEVERS in the Thot Topics mission-- and one for broke faggot haters. This episode is randomly a super dark one. Like it or not, we contain multitudes. Cry about it! We take a good ...
May 04, 2022•1 hr 40 min•Ep. 94
Have you ever wanted to hear two drunk childless gay twenty-somethings talk about how to protect our next generation of leaders against the forces of gender terrorism? Well NOW is your hourlong CHANCE! In our world, LGBT stands for Let's Get Big Titties and if that's wrong then we don't wanna be right! Not to alarm anybody but I think this might be the best take on the Don't Say Gay bill that anyone has ever had on the entire planet? We have a docket of three topics but literally get so distract...
Apr 22, 2022•1 hr 20 min•Ep. 93
And baby there AIN'T NO MOUNTAIN BIIIII ENOUGH. AIN'T NO VALLEY LOWWW ENOUGH. AIN'T NO RIVER WIIIIDE ENOUGH Biiii like an eagle... To the seaaaaaa Happy Sheaster! We're back! We know we shouldn't have kept you waiting... but we're here now. Playtime is officially OVER and we're back to tackle the world's biggest issues: you guessed it. Whether it's worse to have a cheating man or a bisexual man. TRUST US, it's settled. OFFICIALLY! But that's not all, we put on our queer theory hats and figure ou...
Apr 17, 2022•1 hr 53 min•Ep. 92
***PATRONS ONLY*** GET OUR MONEY UP ON PATREON BITCH . Well, this one's a bit of a buzzer-beater (Basketball reference, teehee!) but we TOLD you we'd get you one premium episode per month!! This week, we're setting aside our SWERF tendencies and embracing our new bestie TUCKER WILDE, Dallas's premiere bona fide gay porno starlet! It's a sexy little pillow fight you DON'T want to miss. This month's game involves us doing our absolute best to rank the Drag Race girls of history-- we do a lot of th...
Apr 01, 2022•2 min
Lin Manuel Miranda presents the premiere Thot Topics musical event of the season, ENCUNTO, a journey through the latinx heart and a touching story for the whole family about the power of love, community, and apple cherry coochie clit. We're back! And not a moment too late. First, we perform a wellness check on one another-- taking stock of our respective fitness journeys before taking a look at Nick's expense report from the past month. PLUS, we provide our very first on-air recipe. It's disgust...
Mar 28, 2022•1 hr 36 min•Ep. 91
GAYLIEN VS PREDATOR. WHO WILL EMERGE VICTORIOUS IN THE BATTLE OF THE ANCIENTS??? It's a good old fashioned Thot Topics romp and we must've been pretty hangry because there's a lot of yelling on this one! We go knock-knock-knockin' on three different gay guy's doors to cuff that ass and throw them in the SLAMMER where they belong. And you'll never guess where we put the key ;) A great deal is resolved in a cosmic sense. First, we feel obligated to review Charli XCX's new snoozefest CRASH. Then it...
Mar 18, 2022•1 hr 19 min•Ep. 90
Someone help! I think I smell a yaaas leak! In our triumphant return following our star-crossed meeting with Slayyyter, we're back to business as usual-- talking shit about gay guys online. First, we do a little bit of catching up on our personal lives and talk about THE WAR. Then, it's on to more important things. First, we speculate on a certain Twitter gay's new surrogate baby. Should gay guys have babies? Does there need to be a mom? Do WE want children? Is surrogacy okay? Can you request a ...
Mar 11, 2022•1 hr 25 min•Ep. 89
In a historic girls' chat that was predestined-- carved on an ancient tome and locked deep beneath the earth for centuries-- we are joined by the one and only motherfuckin' goddamn SLAYYYTER in her podcasting debut. EVERYTHING is exposed. And you KNOW I mean our tits! It's impossible to summarize just how important the content of this episode is. It's basically the fucking State of the Union address. We bond as new besties, dish on Slayyyter's highly decorated career, and talk Shamrock Shakes, m...
Feb 28, 2022•1 hr 27 min•Ep. 88
Chernobyl you betta don't! We're back for another solo episode and this week, we're Putin on the ritz and launching a full-scale ATTACK on Charli XCX. Crimea river! But first, there's important business to attend to-- from reflecting on whether or not college was worth it, to revealing how much our rent is, to performing a wellness check on each other as we continue our new jobs. It's sisterly, you'll love. Then, it's down to business- we discuss whether video games are bad for you. Can you play...
Feb 24, 2022•1 hr 15 min•Ep. 87
Hey girl, what's Vack and Brown and CUNT all over? Just WAIT until you hear the answer... We return for the first episode of SHAMROCK SHAKE SEASON to have the Thot Topics Barbara Walters Power Hour with stars, siblings, movers, shakers, and now canon members of the Thot Topics Universe-- BETSEY MUTHAFUCKIN BROWN and PETER GODDAMN VACK. We dive deep into Betsey's feature film debut "ACTORS" mere days before its theater debut. We've got it like that, babe. We talk breasts, babies, brothers, channe...
Feb 17, 2022•1 hr 5 min•Ep. 86
M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M Body crazy curvy wavy big titties little waist, M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M Abuse: Do you deserve it? We hope you have a list of hotlines posted to your refrigerator because this one's gonna be a bumpy ride! BUT, not before we get some small potatoes out of the way. First, we perform a wellness check-- Cris reveals the dark dangers of working from home and how you can bring you...
Jan 28, 2022•1 hr 34 min•Ep. 85
We screwed the pooch on this one guys. My MacBook ran out of space while we were recording (but it didn't tell me that until AFTER we recorded for like 40 minutes) and now we're stuck with a sort of incomplete episode... but we didn't want to leave you hanging! The front half of this is a classique girls chat... and the back half, well... turn your volume up. At your own risk. LOL. May wind up keeping this one patrons-only but we'll see. The IKEA episode quality was WAYYYY worse. I decided only ...
Jan 22, 2022•47 min•Ep. 84
It's officially 2022, and we're resolving to TEAR! In yet another triumphant return to form following a brief(ish) hiatus, we are back to take stock of all that went down in 2021-- from boiled cats, to gay throuples, to Nicki Minaj's couins balls. We really do it ALL. We run a fine-toothed comb through a meticulously constructed timeline of the past year-- and decide which events GAVE and which events WERE NOT GIVING. Obviously it's a lot of gay screaming and irrelevant bullshit but there are so...
Jan 16, 2022•1 hr 36 min•Ep. 83
Cuz when youuu're-- 15 and somebody tells you they love you, you gotta report themmm... The girls face the end of the Year of the Ox-- and girl, you know they have to pull the cart, girl. We do a light bit of girly catch-up chitchat before launching into the week's most pressing matters. In what can only be described as an extremely pro-woman episode, we defend a woman's right to hate pornography, a woman's right to fall in love with a teen, and a woman's right to spontaneously grow comically la...
Dec 17, 2021•1 hr 29 min•Ep. 82
I'm twenty-five years old... and I don't know how to gape... We're back and on schedule! We told you we wouldn't keep you waiting. Hush now-- mommy and mommy are here. This one's a doozy so hold on tight-- keep it ALL tight if you can manage it! This week, we take some big swings and it's nothing but grand slams babe. First, we pick apart Pitchfork's Top 100 songs of the year and answer all of its unanswerable questions: Who thinks Tinashe is talented? Is Bunny a rider? Who the fuck is Jazmine S...
Dec 10, 2021•1 hr 28 min•Ep. 81
