OUR coconuts. You will put them in your mouth: right now, right now. (Right now, right now.) Thot Topics Queens are Thot Topics Fiends-- and Thot Topics fiends get the greens. It's payout time-- we're BACK after an accidental two-week long break! Cris was out of town for a while so naturally we have a LOT of girly catching up to do. So don't expect any actual topics until about an hour in. LOOSELY, we discuss every gay guy's favorite day of the year: Spotify Wrapped Day! We look back on a pretty...
Dec 02, 2021•1 hr 15 min•Ep. 80
The girls are BACK after a brief Nick's Birthday sabbatical and we FINALLY address the rumors... YES we are female hackers. YES it is both dangerous and rewarding. YES we wear a tight fitting turtleneck that creates a uniboob. WE EXIST!!!! This week, we're joined by return guest RIVER PAGE (@river_is_nice) to discuss the news of the moment, and of some moments we missed. First, we finally review Blue Bannisters and wind up shitting on it way more than we expected to. Then: are we embarrassed to ...
Nov 12, 2021•1 hr 41 min•Ep. 79
We're Billy RePorters and we're hot (or at least a 7) on the scene of the crime! This week, we dig through their trash heap of a Twitter timeline to find something-- literally ANYTHING-- to talk about. We fuck around for a while first, and in the grand Thot Topics tradition just wind up talking about food and snacks for a good 20 minutes-- topics this week include the BRAT diet, the Mexican BRAT diet, and our favorite candies. Then it's down to business. We try our very best to defend the math t...
Oct 28, 2021•1 hr 20 min•Ep. 78
What's up you fuckin' stupid alien? Pop a squat with us and crack open a fresh copy of the Bitchkiker's Guide to the Galaxy-- there's much to explore, and SO little time... This week, the girls get a little sidetracked talking about their personal journeys as their dreaded first-ever mid-twenties birthday approaches. What's acceptable to do in your twenties that must now be left behind? Is "weight loss" an elaborate lie constructed by deluded skinny people with genetics on their side? But then i...
Oct 18, 2021•1 hr 34 min•Ep. 77
In perhaps our most Cronenbergian episode of all time, we do a little bit of body-ody-ody horror as a treat. In an extravaganza of all things fecal, urinal, and genital, we skinny dip in the wet primordial ooze of human experience wearing nothing but a white crop top-- and emerge, nipples protruding. This week, we talk about Meghan Trainor taking a shit adjacent to her husband-- and do an exposé on our own horror about bodily functions. What's the most compromising position it's OK for your part...
Oct 07, 2021•1 hr 27 min•Ep. 76
All aboard the Witness Wagon, and buckle up tight, cuz it's gonna be a BUMP-y ride... It was a slow news week so the girls usher in October with a little bit of sisterly competition-- a definitive tier ranking of the female pop albums of the 2010's. This is our bread and fucking butter right here, so you DON'T want to miss it. We rank the girls of yesteryear based on quality, impact, and the Thot Topics "it" factor: namely, whether or not we can confidently say they "tore." Patrons have access t...
Oct 01, 2021•1 hr 21 min•Ep. 75
We're in the HIV Lane, we're in the HIV Lane, and YOU! Y-Y-YOU! Y-Y-YOU! SOUL TRAIN! In a classic men-in-women's-business bonanza, the girls take a thrilling deep dive into fashion, fascists, and faggots! We review some of the looks from the Met Gala and wonder if next year should be the Het Gala so Dan Levy can't come; Nicki Minaj's fated run-in with the deep state and the heinous liberal media; and Lil Nas X's surprisingly OK debut album. Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASI...
Sep 22, 2021•1 hr 26 min•Ep. 74
We require the clues, Steven… Deliver us the clues so we may feed… Well girls, it’s just ME and YOU and MY DOG BLUE as we traverse the rocky terrain of culture once again. This week, we cover the new Lana track “Arcadia” and wonder if she is seeing everybody she knows as a car— plus give our thoughts on the Blue Banisters era overall. Then, we talk the Troye Sivan cum-back single “Angel Baby,” and try desperately to think of who might enjoy it. But that’s not all— we invite the OG Steve from Blu...
Sep 10, 2021•1 hr 29 min•Ep. 73
I'm not a girl... not yet a drag queen... This week, we convene for an international crisis panel to address the troubling military occupation in the middle east-- and after much consideration, we've decided to TaliSTAN! With that settled, we dive into much more pressing issues affecting underserved populations: the new Lizzo and Cardi B song, Lorde's comeback album Solar Power, and Hasan Piker's $3 million dollar house. But wait! There's soooo much more. We take on the OnlyFans porn ban and dra...
Aug 21, 2021•1 hr 42 min•Ep. 71
The planet's getting hotter and hotter, sexy and hotter, let's shut it down! We're joined by the elegant, demure, emotionally complicated and tantalizing G Rock and Crypto Psi of the Rare Candy podcast for a riveting roundtable of global proportions. We discuss Tan France's new baby and whether or not there needs to be a mom; the UN's climate change red alert and being haunted by your litter like in the Campbell's soup commercial; and lastly, a crash course in hyperpop as Charli XCX warns of its...
Aug 11, 2021•1 hr 33 min•Ep. 70
Oh my God, somebody HELP! Matt Damon is chasing me down the street and calling me a fucking FAGGOT! Welcome back to our Barbie Dream House of cosmic justice to all little thotties and recent converts. We welcome you with open, warm, and supple bosom to take a look back at all things gay-as-in-stupid online this week. We're sorry we took a little break, but we explain our brief sabbatical in extensive detail. Now take your bra off, throw on a nightgown, and grab a pillow-- it's about to get naugh...
Aug 04, 2021•1 hr 18 min•Ep. 69
You know you love us... XOXO, The Thot Topics Girls... Peppa who? Pig girl. We're back with a vengeance to review the dreaded Gossip Girl reboot, and it's a boot indeed. We answer all the burning questions: Can you make a good TV drama that revolves around iPhones? Is this literally just The Shade Room? Is it actually better to cast horny teens that are actually teens? ALL is revealed. Plus, we illegally enter the White House rose garden to confront Olivia Rodrigo over her "collab" with Joe Bide...
Jul 16, 2021•1 hr 19 min•Ep. 68
On the first day, God fucked him all night. On the second day, God fucked him all day. On the third day, God fucked him on sight. On the fourth day, God fucked him all ways. We come to you in radical faith to spread His word. Amen, baby. The Thot Topics e-lounge was starting to collect dust so we decided to shake out the curtains and let in the LIGHT, better known as beloved Twitter gay and friend of the pod MYLES for an excruciatingly thorough girls chat of Byzantine proportions. First, we unpa...
Jul 09, 2021•1 hr 17 min•Ep. 67
Oh fuck!! I just spilled genderfluid all over the IKEA loveseat! Sure would be a shame if someone were to... soak it up... with THEIR big ass... We took a little break, but now it's back to us. The docket is long. The docket is thick. The docket will not be important in three days. GET IT WHILE IT'S HOT. After a riveting discussion of our teenage employment histories, we launch into the nitty-gritty: first, the IKEA pride couches. Which one would be the most comfortable for a nap? Which niche ge...
Jul 01, 2021•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 66
You better axe somebody! (That somebody being us!) We welcome our precious, misguided and predominantly gay male listeners onto the back porch for an in-depth therapy session for the second THOTLINE episode. After a riveting conversation about various fast sandwich chains, we launch into our listener's quandaries. We explore our listener base's psyche with an emphasis on CUNT: CARING for the broken spirit. UNLEARNING our psychic traumas. N-GAGING on a human level, and TASTING an assortment of sn...
Jun 17, 2021•1 hr 20 min•Ep. 65
What's black and brown and intersex all over? Wait, I think I fucked that up... In one of the sweatiest episodes of all time, the girls return after a weeklong sabbatical to tackle this year's truly monstrous early pride-month discourse while eating a military ready-to-eat meal. We take on the NEW new pride flag piece by r-worded piece, from the new intersex circle, to the trans colors, to the black and brown stripes, diagnosing each group with a disease of the spirit. Then, we endure Nina West'...
Jun 10, 2021•1 hr 27 min•Ep. 64
CALLING ALL PSYCHOS!! The Thot Topics THOTLINE is officially open once again!! We need more of your burning love and sex questions, your career dilemmas, your complex psychodramas, and your bad takes by phone and by email to be addressed on an upcoming episode. Call in at (872) 239-6261 or email us at ThotTopicsPod@gmail.com . Welcome to the Thot Topics Gender Terrorism and Trauma Bonding Hour. Join us as we crack open an ice cold Genderbeer and take smooth, slow sips and feel the septum piercin...
May 28, 2021•1 hr 29 min•Ep. 63
Calling all white gays! Now is the time to make your voice HEARD! Take your ass out and paint #BLM on it! Draw a hammer and sickle on your abs! Drop a Gofundme link under a picture of you wearing nothing but a loincloth! Rise UP and do what must be done to save America! The girls are joined in the Thot Topics plus-size creators headquarters by the one and only It Gay on Twitter, TikTok and beyond, Will Tanski! We clear the floor and allow him to clear his name over multiple CRISP cans of Zest Te...
May 20, 2021•1 hr 22 min•Ep. 62
It's just the girls once more and this time, it's fucking mask OFF! It was a busy week for music so we run (it's really more of a brisk jog) down the list of the most hyped releases of the week with no sports bra on. (Look out, you're in the splash zone!) We REDUCE Nicki Minaj's "Fractions," LIGHT UP Katy Perry's Pokemon movie theme "Electric," HUMILIATE Olivia Rodrigo, and say some nice things about Billie Eillish. It's a good time. Then, we brace ourselves for the imminent reboot of Gossip Gir...
May 15, 2021•1 hr 17 min•Ep. 61
BWET? You don't have to ask us twice!!! Three teenage Veronas (the girls AND returning guest, our favorite diva Zach from I'm So Popular pod!) do what historians, community leaders, music journalists, and the international courts weren't brave enough to do: we catalogue the full oral history of Azealia Banks controversies, cultural flashpoints, and iconic showdowns. From Elon and Grimes, to Kreayshawn and Cardi, we set the stage for each Banksian battle and decide who was right in the end-- eith...
May 05, 2021•1 hr 40 min•Ep. 60
Hey! (Hey!) What are you up to? (Mm, not much.) So I heard of this place, and it sounds like a dream... LETS FUCKING GO!!!!! The dolls are joined in the Jacuzzi of the Spirit by the inimitable pop starlet MISS MADELINE for an in-depth discush of all things bubblegum-flavored, champagne-soaked, and bikini-clad. It's truly a girls' chat for the books. After getting our gay little fangirling out of the way, we get down to business: Does art lie beyond cringe? How do you take a stand for artistry in...
Apr 29, 2021•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 59
No matter black, white, beige, chola, or orient, you are welcome at Thot Topics! The girls are joined LIVE in the stu' with one of our favorite Chicago via NYC sisters Frank AKA @chlumbucket AKA Prolapsed Catholic! In an episode that can only be described as powerful and intentional female trauma-bonding, the ladies confront their demons, expunge their spiritual debts, and get them titties out once and for all. First, we review the new MARINA's state of the union address "Purge the Poison," and ...
Apr 15, 2021•1 hr 39 min•Ep. 58
{Meghan Trainor voice} If, I was you, I'd wanna get MeToo'd ♫ These really IS bloody shoes! In an episode full of satanic panic, human blood, and the uniquely breathable Calvin Klein One boxer briefs, we open our third eye (not that one, sicko!) to take a closer look at Lil Nasferatu Prince of Darkness's spicy new video for "Montero" and deduce who winds up with egg on their face: God, the devil, or US! I hope they serve queers in hell! But that's not all: we also review the totally Raetarded "O...
Apr 01, 2021•1 hr 13 min•Ep. 57
LIVE from the Men in Women's Business Conference, it's Thot Topics baby! For the first time in a long while, it's just the girls coming together over some pretzel chips and purple Gatorade to get into the hottest issues of the week. Both of our pets got sick this week so we recount the TAIL in excruciating detail and touch base, yknow, as sisters. Not much time is wasted before we unpack Lil Mama's proposed Heterosexual Rights Movement against LGBT Internet bullies. Can you grow tits from touchi...
Mar 26, 2021•1 hr 17 min•Ep. 56
Just snorted a pill, feelin' goooood! The gals are joined by none other than singer, rapper, producer, label owner, former e-girl and current it-girl KITTY for a once-in-a-generation girls' chat. Careers are documented, names are NAMED with no hesitation, Diet Dr. Pepper is absolutely slammed and NOTHING is off the table. Point blank, babe. First, we catalog Kitty's discography in excruciating detail, from Okay Cupid to Charm and Mirror , and things are kept strictly buck: Are white girl rappers...
Mar 16, 2021•1 hr 27 min•Ep. 55
Girls... I'm not really even sure what to say about this one... We WERE joined by the iconic Jordan AKA @goodboygremlin on Twitter for the bitchfest of a lifetime regarding Nick being bullied for being PrEPphobic-- but we forgot to press record and literally flapped our nasty little gums for AN HOUR before realizing that we were not recording anything whatsoever. But God guides our hands when we need it most, and we're pretty sure that we're left with something far better: over an hour of three ...
Mar 04, 2021•1 hr 7 min•Ep. 54
In this house, we believe: Jack Lives Matter, Lena Dunham rights are human rights, Azealia Banks is Jewish, science is gay, love is pussy, and kindness is cunt. And like it or not, house rules are in FULL effect. Run and tell that! The divas are joined by Jack from The Perfume Nationalist for a divalicious roundtable on all things fly, hot, and sexy. When did it become unremarkable to hear Lady Gaga playing at CVS? What makes people want to call Lana Del Rey a white supremacist? Is Tony Soprano ...
Feb 28, 2021•1 hr 43 min•Ep. 53
According to the Chinese, it's officially the year of the AUX, and baby we're playing motherfuckin' Fergie! Hop in our low-riding Hyundai of truth, purity, and justice and come with us on the ride of a lifetime. In an even sexier episode than usual, we take TikTok gender theorists to task over women's right to gay porn. Then, we discuss the second cumming of Sherry Pie on the Tamron Hall show, and wonder if the whole thing is a psyop to try and get gay actors more roles. Last but not least, we t...
Feb 18, 2021•1 hr 24 min•Ep. 52
In a truly Dorian Electrifying double-wide episode, the girls are joined by the one and only motherfucking JACKIE!!! ( @jackies_backie ) In a star-crossed meeting of the minds, extremely powerful discourse is born almost immediately: Does dating a member of the Rihanna navy make you a military wife? What is the name of the secretary from Monsters Inc? HAVE YOU CHECKED THE CHILDREN?... Then, it's down to business, and we go travel Backie in time and pay a visit to Rebecca Black (was tempted to rh...
Feb 12, 2021•2 hr 5 min•Ep. 51
In the second part of the crossover event that critics are calling "spiritually troubling" and "darksided," the divas open their hearts to none other than John and Clarke from Group Project podcast! Before you can cross this point, you are contractually obligated to listen to part one on their show wherever high-quality Internet radio is found
Feb 03, 2021•59 min•Ep. 50
