Brother Bryce Dunford is an Institute instructor for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This podcast contains his course: The Science of Dating. In this podcast, we will explore 10 pitfalls that many fall into during dating. It is our hope that helping young adults identify these pitfalls will also help them avoid them.
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Exploring the foundational principles for successful marriages, this episode emphasizes the profound importance of forgiveness and respect. It details two truths of unforgiveness: how it primarily harms the unforgiving person and constitutes a greater sin against God, powerfully illustrated by the rattlesnake parable and the parable of the unmerciful servant. The discussion highlights that genuine forgiveness, while not removing boundaries or justice, releases immense personal blessings and is vital for family harmony, ultimately encouraging listeners to acknowledge the divine worth in every individual, especially their spouse.
Building on previous discussions of relationship pitfalls and divine help, this episode delves into the "Proclamation to the World's" nine principles for successful eternal marriages, highlighting the crucial difference between making and keeping covenants. The focus is on the principle of repentance, which is redefined not as suffering or confession, but as actively restoring damaged relationships with God and one's spouse. The speaker uses scriptural examples and C.S. Lewis's insights to illustrate how this continuous relationship-mending is essential for a thriving marriage.
This episode from The Science of Dating argues that while making eternal covenants is important, keeping those covenants through daily actions of love and respect is what truly makes a marriage last forever. It delves into two essential conditions for eternal relationships from scripture and uses the powerful "rib" analogy to illustrate principles of equality, protection, and mutual vulnerability within marriage, ultimately highlighting that a "keeper" is what one should seek in a companion.
The podcast discusses the delicate balance between divine guidance and personal agency, particularly regarding marriage decisions. It posits that while God rarely provides a direct "yes," such answers are reserved for high-danger situations. More commonly, individuals are guided by the absence of a "no," allowing them to confidently move forward with their choices, knowing they are not on the wrong path. The episode uses scriptural examples and personal anecdotes to illustrate this principle of revelation.
The episode explores how fear can derail the pursuit of an eternal companion, drawing parallels with Peter walking on water and Joseph Smith's early struggles. It delves into the creation story, illustrating that while Earth's elements were 'good,' the establishment of families was 'very good,' signifying God's ultimate purpose. The concept of 'marvelous' is reserved for sealing families eternally, revealing God's highest priority and assuring listeners of abundant divine support in this sacred endeavor.
Drawing lessons from latter-day prophecies in Matthew 24 and the parable of the talents, this episode reveals that being afraid to try is a significant impediment not only in finding an eternal companion but also in succeeding through the challenges of the last days. It highlights Jesus's concerns about imitation, "wars of the heart," and wickedness, offering solutions like treasuring the word and readiness, emphasizing courage to overcome the fear of failure and rejection in all aspects of life.
This episode explores the pitfall of seeking perfection in a spouse, emphasizing that everyone is a "sinner" and that granting repentance is crucial. It re-examines the purpose of life, using the Garden of Eden narrative to explain God's intent for a "probationary state" where learning and growth through mistakes are essential. The discussion highlights God's patience and valuing of effort over flawless performance, contrasting it with Satan's plan to instill toxic perfectionism.
This episode delves into two critical dating errors: Pitfall 7 involves incorrectly labeling preferences as deal breakers, thereby limiting one's dating pool based on societal norms or minor incompatibilities like height, race, or politics. Pitfall 8 highlights the danger of ignoring genuine deal breakers, naively believing you can live with them or change them, which inevitably leads to a painful breakup. Listeners are urged to courageously re-evaluate their criteria to find true compatibility.
This episode delves into the concept of weaknesses as divine gifts, using the analogy of blind spots in our eyes to illustrate how complementary strengths can compensate for individual deficits. It contrasts Oliver Cowdery's downfall due to unaddressed pride with Joseph Smith's proactive approach to his temporal weaknesses by seeking complementary help. The discussion emphasizes the importance of identifying one's own weaknesses and seeking partners who are strong where we are weak, leading to a more balanced and fulfilling relationship.
The episode delves into the critical distinction between the transient emotion of "being in love" and the enduring commitment of "love," drawing on C.S. Lewis's insights. It explains that basing relationships solely on emotional thrills leads to instability, advocating instead for a deliberate choice and habit of love that sustains connections through difficulties, using relatable examples like glasses and musical instruments to illustrate this profound principle.
This episode delves into "inappropriate dating," defining it as behaviors that don't align with the current stage of a relationship, leading to awkwardness and missed opportunities. It reviews previous pitfalls: the importance of friendship dating as a foundation, the need to use relationship dating to uncover deal breakers, and the danger of emotional over-investment too early. The discussion then progresses through the distinct purposes and foci for dating at the acquaintance, friendship, relationship, engaged, and married levels, emphasizing tailored approaches for each stage.
This episode delves into the critical error of letting one's heart commit to marriage too soon, before fully understanding if a partner is a true match. It argues against dating purely for relationships, advocating for "friendship dating" as the foundation for lasting bonds. The host uses the analogy of a two-piece puzzle and a "Frozen" movie scenario to illustrate the importance of deliberately identifying and addressing "deal breakers" to avoid heartache, emphasizing that love and physical attraction alone don't guarantee compatibility. Practical strategies are offered to maintain a logical perspective during the early stages of dating.
The host introduces a relationship triangle, highlighting the common pitfall of immediately jumping into serious relationship dating. He argues that scientific experts on marriage identify friendship as the key to long-term success, advocating for "friendship dating" to build genuine connection before seeking a companion. The episode then dives into the second pitfall: not understanding that relationship dating's primary purpose is to identify the absence of deal breakers, providing practical advice on planning dates to reveal compatibility in areas like children, money, hardship, and core values.
This episode explores "Pitfall #1" in dating: the tendency to jump directly into relationship dating, causing awkwardness and unfulfilling experiences. Drawing on extensive scientific research from Dr. Gottman, the speaker reveals that deep friendship is the ultimate predictor of marital success and recommends "friendship dating" as a more enjoyable and effective approach. This method focuses on genuinely connecting with others as individuals, taking pressure off and building essential skills for future relationships.
Jan 16, 2025•39 min•Season 5Ep. 1
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