Science of Dating 10: Pitfall #10: Being Afraid to Try

Pitphone number ten, you ready? This one I could probably cover in five minutes, but I wanna put it in. A bigger picture. I want to make it part of a bigger thing. And so if you allow me, I'm going to take a very, very long time to then take five minutes and tell you what the pitfall is. But allow me to pitch my case. Allow me to make my case because there's more to this pitfall. Overcoming this tendency will bring more success than just in data.

I want to testify up front that the Lord is going to give this as a success to the wickedness of the latter days. Those of us who are born in the latter days come to earth at a very, very unique time. We face challenges that no other dispensation has faced. Evil is more gathered and more unified and more powerful today than it's ever been. And you are going to raise your children in some of the most wicked days this earth has known. And one of the ways to succeed.

Is the very pitfall you fall into in dating. So I want to put it in that perspective. Success in the latter days. Success in dating. So let me take a long perspective, long introduction, make my point, and then I'll talk about what the pitfall is because I think this one we fall into all the time. And if you could just change one aspect about your c character and your nature and change this, I guarantee not only will your dating be different, but your whole life will be different.

So let me pitch this as a life lesson, not just as a dating lesson.

So, should we begin? So the Savior's last week, on Sunday of his final week, he comes into Jerusalem, triumphantly enters. They do the palm branches. Tuesday he spends the day in the temple, and the Pharisees, Sadducees, and lawyers all come trying to destroy him. He has spent most of his ministry up in Galilee

And now that he's in Jerusalem, which is the heart of their dominion, they want to destroy him. And so they kind of each come at him one at a time, and they have a question or something. This is where they say, is it lawful to give tribute to Caesar? Because they wanted to trip him up. If he says yes or no, he's in trouble. So what does he do? Show me the coin. Whose image is that? Render under seizure without choice. He takes the whole day and just knocks it out of the park.

At the very end of that day, the last thing he says to them, I'm gonna turn to Matthew chapter twenty-three. The very last thing he says as he's leaving, as he's done for the day and he's about to leave. He says at the very end of chapter twenty three, You shall Lost it. You shall not see me hence till you shall say, Blessed is he that cometh in the name of the Lord. Kind of hinting at the clouds of glory, right? Descending in the clouds of glory. So his disciples heard that.

He's talking about the second coming. You won't see me until you see me and say, Blessed is he that cometh in the name of the Lord. So as they're walking out, so they're leaving the temple, and Jesus stops at the stone. Jesus went out and departed from the temple. His disciples came to him and said To show him the buildings of the temple, and Jesus said unto them, See ye not all these things, verily I say unto you, there shall not be left here one stone upon another that shall not be overthrown.

So he's just said to the Jews, You're gonna see me coming in the clouds of glory, and that temple is coming down. Well if you were one of his disciples, what would you do? They go out of Jerusalem, they go to the Mount of Olives, and they ask him two questions. What are they? Tell us when shall these things be? What is the sign of thy coming? Wait, where's the first one?

Okay, tell us when these things shall be, meaning the destruction of the Jews, and what be the sign of thy coming or the end of the world? The rest of the chapter is the Savior discussing the latter day. He's going to discuss discuss the destruction of the Jews, and then he's going to talk about the latter day.

And this is the one and one of the very few times Jesus says, here's the problem with living in the latter days. Here's my concern. He is telling us about the days in which we live. He's going to say four major concerns, four problems if you live in the latter day. And then tell me what Jesus is always gonna do. Okay, there's four problems, and then what is he gonna do? Here's the solutions. That's what the rest of this is. Now, what chapter is this?

This is Matthew chapter 24. Remember that. Now, Joseph Smith starts editing the Bible and making inspired changes. And this chapter had so many changes made to it. We canonized the changes. How many JST changes are canonized and as and are considered scripture? Most of the JST is appendix. Footnote. How many JST changes are canonized and considered scripture? Two. Can you name them? Moses 1 through 6, we call that. Sorry, Genesis. Genesis 1 through 6, we call that the book of Moses.

So we've canonized the JSD change of Genesis. And then we've canonized this chapter. The changes he made to Matthew twenty four. Any know anyone know where this one is? Joseph Smith Matthew and the Pearl of Great Price. That's the canonized version of the changes of Matthew chapter 24. So go there. But we need to remember what chapter are we studying?

It's gonna be very important to remember that we're studying Matthew 24. So turn with me to the Pearl of Great Price now and find the book Joseph Smith Matthew.

And what you'll see is it starts with the same two questions. Joseph Smith Matthew verse 4. The same two questions we just read in Matthew 24, right? Tell us when these things shall be which thou hast said concerning the destruction of the Now, what history has taught us is that in 70 AD, the Roman emperor Titus came in and destroyed Jerusalem. That was the last time the Jews had a temple.

He came in in 70 AD and destroyed the temple. The Jews have not offered sacrifices at their temple since that day. And he warned them. He didn't tell them seventy AD in Titus, but we know that'cause of history. Then the next question is, what is the sign of thy coming? and the end of the world or the destruction of the wicked, which is the end of the world. Now, from verse four through the semicolon in verse twenty-one. is the destruction of Jerusalem.

Notice, behold, these things I have spoken unto you concerning the Jews.

Now the problems of our day. Now I'm gonna make an assumption. You tell me if I I believe this is a safe assumption. If I were to ask you, if you loved a movie, I went to see a movie, I loved it, tell me what you loved about the movie. Is it reasonable to assume that the first thing out of your mouth is what you loved most? That you're gonna tell me what you loved in the order you loved it?

Is it reasonable to assume when Jesus says, here's the problems, here's my concerns about the latter days, that he gives them in the order of his concern? Is that a safe assumption? If that's the case Jesus says he has four major concerns about the latter day. Maybe you'll find more, but this is the four that I read. If I were to ask people living in the latter days, what's the hardest thing about living in the latter days? My guess is most of you would put this one first, number four.

In fact, you'd probably wr list them in reverse order. I find it fascinating that this is number one. Jesus said, my number, his number one concern about the latter days. Look at the rest of verse 21 and verse 22. Thank you. Amen. His number one concern is that the very elect are going to be fooled by an imitation. They're gonna be fooled. By an imitation. And that's exactly what's happening. Now let me t let me pitch that in the Book of Mormon language.

Lehi saw a tree that was designed to make you happy, and then he saw the imitation. If you are fooled by the imitation, you let go of the tree and you drown in the river. Do you see that? That's the essence of the tree of life, and there it is. The very elect. are going to be fooled by an imitation. Let me give you an example. Alcohol is an imitation god. People turn to alcohol for the very reasons that they should turn to God.

And they think that alcohol will solve their problems, they are fooled by an imitation. Nephi saw our day. He speaks in terms of false churches. Now I know you could kind of say, well, false churches and false Christs, same idea. But Nephi said, let me tell you about the biggest false churches I've seen. Let's turn to that list. First Nephi chapter twenty one, Nephi s who saw our day.

He wasn't allowed to write about it, but he certainly was allowed to comment on it. First Nephi chapter twenty two verse twenty three, he seems to be saying here are the biggest imitations. That fool people in the latter days. The time speedily shall come that all churches which are built up to get gain. What is a very common imitation God in our day? मनी Money will solve my problems.

Those who trust in money more than they trust, they're going to be fooled by an imitation. And I've watched good people, good people according to the covenant, be fooled by that imitation. Another one, all those that are built up to get power over the flesh. I know that means a lot of things. Someday I'd love to have a chance to pitch you my idea. I think he's talking about addiction.

Power. Oh, there's your alcohol. There's all the things that control my flesh that I was fooled into letting into my life because I thought it was an imitation happiness. Popularity, lust, the things of the world. This isn't today's not the day to talk about, but that was the Savior's number one concern, is that the very elect, going back to the Pearl of Great Price.

Who are the elect according to the covenant? People are walking away from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints because they are fooled by an imitation. But imitation doctrine and imitation ideology.

Can I give you another theory? The fruit of the tree of life is described as sweet above all that is sweet. There's an imitation. Being angry. Is a high. There is something about rage. And I am watching a whole lot of people. become consumed with anger and hatred and rage. I'm watching politics destroy people out of anger. And I'm wondering If that emotion of being angry has fooled them. And they are leaving God because they are fooled by an imitation.

I mean, you gotta admit, when you're angry, there's something about the emotion of rage that is addictive. And I know people who are just Angry. They are fooled by an imitation. Does that why it seems like there's some people who are determined to be offended by everything around them? And again, uh you we live in a society where people are fooled by an imitation.

So number one, that I would just leave that f for you to think about. That we live in a society where people are fooled by an imitation. Book of Mormon talks about it. Who was their best friend, King Noah or Abedite? Who was sent to help them? Who did they think was their friend? What did it cost them to think that he was their friend?

Now who was their real best friend? Do you see what the Book of Mormon is trying to say? Don't be fooled by an imitation. Noah is not your friend. Noah is not your friend. And too many of us burn our Abinadis thinking he's the enemy. It's the same idea don't be fooled by an imitation.

Alright, problem number two. What's the second concern Jesus has? Look in verse 23 and then again in 28. Let me show you 23. And twenty eight. What does he prophesy? War. Now this is where again Someday with we had more time, I'd love to take you to the Book of Mormon and convince you that the prophecy of the Book of Mormon is that war in the Book of Mormon. It's wars of the heart.

As a symbol in the book of Helaman, the Lamanites get where? Where do the Lamanites get in Helaman that they've never ever gotten before? They get to Zarahemla. And there's this fascinating phrase in the Book of Mormon that they didn't expect that. In Helam in chapter 1, as a pattern of our day, they didn't expect the war to go where? Into the heart. Where is war going in our day? It's not the United States going to war against that nation. It's wars of our hearts.

In fact, so we're reading Matthew 24, right? Mark has another version of that. Let me show you a verse from Mark's version. In Mark's version of this same sermon where Jesus is talking about the latter days. Listen to Mark how Mark reports the description of those wars. It's not nation against nation. Whoops. How does Mar how does Jesus describe it in Mark's account? It's brother against brother.

Parents and children. And tell me what's destroying our society. We are fighting. We are fighting all the time over what? Issues of our heart. We are brothers are turning against brothers, parents against children. How many of you know a family that is being broken up by politics? Their p their their their political beliefs are tearing that family apart. Well, there's the prophecy.

Wars. Wars of the heart. The Savior's description of that in the latter days there's a section of the Doctrine and Covenants that is a prophecy of war. And notice that Jesus predicts not what what will happen in the wars of the latter days. The oppressed will rise up against their oppressors. So we have gender wars and race wars. We have wars over ideologies. We are fighting everywhere.

And the wars are in our hearts. See how accurate Jesus is predicting our day? So fooled by an imitation, wars of our heart, Abby, or Amber. Wouldn't most wars between nations or most large scale wars start out as either wars of the heart or wars because of iniquity? It might, but quite often war was about conquest. War was about extan expanding my nation.

I'm trying to st I'm trying to steal your land. I want your land, I'm trying to steal it. And and so armies would go against armies. And if we think if you were to sit back and say, Well the United States hasn't been involved in a war for a long time. Um, the United States is in the middle of wars. The war is right here in West Jordan. It's right here in my home.

And so rather than get the impression that war is something that nations go and armies go and do, I think we need to see the prophecy that war is tearing families apart. And in the cla in the dating uh class, war is tearing marriages apart. There's the prophecy. Similar. Um wouldn't you argue that the Civil War are American Civil War?

not so much about war conquest but more about policy and and section eighty seven starts with the civil war. That's the beginning. The be the latter day wars begin with the civil war. As we turn against each other. It was a war of the heart. Okay, so there's number two. Are you can you believe how accurate Jesus has been in describing the latter days? Alright, number three, he says in verse twenty nine After mentioning war again, he says natural disaster.

But we live in a day where the waves of the sea are heaving themselves beyond their bounds. We have fires and floods and famines and pestilences and pandemics. And we have to deal with all of that. Fires, floods, natural disasters. Now, verse three or verse thirty is number four. And I think this is the one most of us would complain about. This is what makes it hard to live in the latter days. What is it? Wickedness. Yeah. People are stealing, people are hurting, they're causing pain.

Just two nights ago, um uh four guys in an SUV hit a motorcyclist, killed him, and ran. And then there was a manhunt in an innocent neighborhood. My children are watching this panicked. My son wedged the table up against the door, fearing that those guys were gonna get to our house. We see that all the time, don't we? We see wickedness. And it causes children to be terrified. That's the world in which we live.

Now today I don't want to spend all this time, and this is kind of gloomy, how accurate Jesus was as he described this. But what else is the Savior gonna do when he says, here's the now it's not all doom and gloom. Look at verse 31.

Oh, it freezes. I don't know why it freezes. That's what I'm doing. Look at verse 31. It's not all doom and gloom. What else is gonna be happening? The kingdom is going to march forward and he's going to be with us. He will be with us as the kingdom marches forward. But tell me what the rest of this chapter do you think is going to talk about. How to succeed, right? What to do? Now do you think the Savior is going to give a very long, lengthy list of to-do?

Is it going to be complicated? Is it going to be expensive? What do you expect to find? Now, for uh maybe I found some maybe you'll find some that I didn't find, but as I have poured over the rest of this chapter thousands of times, I have found, can you guess how many? Two. Now I grant you, I'll grant you that there's three parts to number two, but the savior's solution is really simple. Here's solution number one. Verse 37, he says, do this and you won't be deceived. What's the this?

It's really simple. Do this and you won't be deceived. What's the this? Treasure up my word. Treasure up my word, and you will not be deceived. Now, Almost every other class we teach here in the Institute is treasuring up the word. I'll save those for another day. Let me show you the other one, the other to-do.

He says, Watch therefore, for you know not at what hour your Lord cometh. If the good man of the house had known in what watch the thief would come, He would have watched, and he would have not have suffered his house to have been broken up, but he would have been ready. Be ready. Why doesn't Jesus tell us when He's coming? It's brilliant. Tell me why he doesn't tell us. Because if he told us, we would get ready.

But here's the doctrine the very best way to survive the latter days is to be ready. The very things that would make you ready for the Savior to come are the very things you need to thrive. You can raise a wonderfully righteous family in this society. And the way you do it is you treasure up his word and you live so that you're always ready. Now, guess what would come after this? This is what it means to be ready. That's what he's going to talk about. So number one is treasure up the word.

and simply always live So you're ready for him to come. And now let me tell you what it means to be ready. And notice the chapter ends.

So the next chapter is clearly a list of things that make us ready for him to come. And these are the things that help us succeed. If you want to succeed in this day, here is the list. What chapter would we turn to? What would be the next chapter? If this is the end of that chapter, the next chapter is not Joseph Smith history. The next chapter would be Matthew twenty-five.

Matthew 25 is the answer to the question, what does it mean to be ready? And there's three parables in Matthew 25. What are they? The ten virgins, the talents, and the sheep and the goats. Sheep and the goat is, inasmuch as you've done it unto the least of these my brethren, you've done it unto me. What does it mean to be ready? How do you live so that you're ready for Jesus to come? You take care of each other. You take care of each other.

Save that for another day. Terrible of parable of the ten virgins, what does it mean? It means do you have oil in your vessel? There's gonna be some tough days. Do you have a reservoir that you can call upon in those tough days? The Book of Mormon presents that like growing a tree. I lived in Arizona. I watched cotton grow from for years. Cotton in Arizona. The reason cotton survives in a hundred and twenty-degree weather is because this Is greater than this.

That's the ten virgins. Do you have a source of nutrition that is greater than the heat of the day? If you do, if if if nutrients coming up from the ground is greater than the heat coming down, what direction does the plant grow? If the heat is greater than the nutrients, what direction does the plant go? And I watch people all the time, I watch their testimonies shrivel up and they throw it away. Because the heat was greater than the nutrients. There's ten virgins.

So if you want to survive in the heat of the day, have a reservoir.

I want to focus on the talents. Now you know that parable. Someone was given five talents. He went out and made five, so he had ten. Someone else was given two, went out and gained another two, and got four. Now there's a lesson here. There's a lesson for the five, and there's a lesson for the two. The lesson for the five is Heavenly Father expects you to move. The lesson for the two is, yeah, you've been given lesson.

But if you do your best with what you have, your reward is just as great. Love that, save that for another day. Tell me what the point is. If you want to survive the latter days, build the kingdom. Take what you've been given and build the kingdom. And if you do your best, your reward will be great. I want to talk about this guy. The guy that got one talent. Now what's the problem? This is an investment. This is I've been given money to make money.

Okay, I got an idea. It's uh I live in Arizona. I'm gonna buy a shaved ice stand and I'm gonna sell shaved ice. So I spend my talent and I buy a shaved ice machine and I stand out on the corner selling shaved ices in a hundred and twenty degree weather and I sell a million of'em, and I go back and say and then I sell the I go back and say, look what I did. I got it right. But what's the other side of that? I have one talent. And you're afraid to use it.

Tell me about this guy. I don't want to go back with nothing. I am afraid of losing it, so I won't. Try. I would rather not try than fail. That's his philosophy. I would rather not try than fail. So he buries it. And he takes it back and says, Lord, I didn't fail. Is the Lord pleased?

The Lord would rather have what kind of servants? I would rather have had you try and fail. Now, the big picture story here is one of the skills of succeeding in our in our day is I'm not afraid to fail. I'm not afraid to try and fail. Now think about all the different applications. You've seen singing competitions, okay?

I can pick a song that stretches my range and really shows my vocal ability. But if I get flat or if I can't hit those, I'm gonna look like a fool. And so what song do I choose? A very safe song where the range is here and I know I can hit I I know I can hit those words, and yet it's not gonna impress anyone. I would rather not fail than try. I'll take the safe road. It happens professionally all the time. I would rather not fail. So I don't even try. I'm so afraid of failure I don't try.

I will admit to something. I have grown up in Utah. Other than eight years of my life when I was a teacher in Arizona and two years in Mexico when I was on a mission, I have lived every moment of my life in Utah. I don't know how to ski. I live in Utah and I don't know how to ski. Now can I tell you why I don't know how to ski? Because at those years when you should be learning to ski, I was a basketball player. You can see I was playing basketball.

And all every team I was on, we were forbidden to play basketball because we'd get injured. And so I never skied during those formative years. Then when basketball was over and I'm an adult, why do I not learn how to ski? I don't want to be the idiot grown up kid on the s on the kiddie hill. I don't want to fail. And so I don't try. And because of that, to this day I don't know how to ski.

I tried it, it's not easy. It's not easy, and you're gonna fail. I did. I mean even something as simple as I don't dare go out in public until I'm all made up. Because I'm afraid of people seeing me anataral. And I don't want to fail. Now, do you see the message for success in the latter days? With all my soul I testify that Heavenly Father needs brave children to build his kingdom who aren't afraid to fail.

One of the reasons we don't build this kingdom is we're afraid people are gonna reject it. We don't we don't stand for truth, we don't stand for righteousness because we're afraid of the haters. I don't want to fail. Failing is embarrassing.

But let me make my point. I'll come to you next, but let me make my point. The biggest pitfall I think you can fall into in dating. is I'm afraid to try and fail. I don't dare talk to her. because she might reject me. Let me give you an example. Now, I love my son-in-law dearly. He's an absolutely wonderful man. I'm so thrilled that my daughter married him. But I gotta tell you a story. My daughter graduates from high school. She starts going to college.

I start thinking about her getting married. There is a certain teller at the bank that I think is the oh, he is awesome. He is everything a father wants in a son-in-law. Every time I go to the bank, I talk to him. And he impresses me more and more and more. And it's like, man, I wish you were my son in law. Where's my daughter? His name was Nick.

So one day I'm with my daughter and I have to drop off a deposit at the bank and I said I gotta run to the bank and we're just gonna do the drive-up teller and my daughter says no go to that lane. Why? Nick does that late? And I was like. You know Nick? You like Nick? I like Nick. How do I get you marry Nick? I when I found out she liked Nick, I was absolutely elated. I was like, oh my gosh, I gotta call the country club, we're gonna book this wedding. Nick is awesome.

And so I said to her, Okay, okay, you you've got to ask him out. He's he's awesome. I I I had a crush on him, I'll admit. And so I said to my daughter, I got a great idea. You go into the bank with a deposit. and walk up to him and say, I have a deposit and a date if you'd like it. And see what he does. And my daughter said, No way. No way. She never spoke to him. She never spoke to him. Not once. Clearly was intrigued. Never spoke to him. Tell me why. Fear of failure.

Fear of failure cripples us. And she didn't even talk to him. Now she met my son-in-law. He's absolutely fabulous. I love him in every way. And looking back, I would choose him over Nick now, but at the time I was really rooting for Nick. But I learned such a valuable lesson. Fear of failure. is crippling you. So often we are so afraid to fail. We don't even try. Talk to her. Go up and talk to her. Talk to him. Send the text. Call. Ask him out. Ask her out.

Well what if rejec if he rejects you, then you know he's not a match and you move on. When did you want to find out that he's not a match? Soon. Soon. But it's that fear of failure that cripples us. I don't want to talk to him. I don't want to talk to her. She might reject me. And so we don't even try. We don't even try.

Now not only does that have ramifications in succeeding in the latter days, but it has a lot to do with finding an eternal companion. I would list that as pitfall ten. Being so afraid of failure. That you don't even try. One of the proudest moments I ever had is I was teaching this guy, I was teaching this class, and there was this guy, and this absolutely gorgeous woman in the class, and I could tell.

But he never he just petrified to talk to her. I could see his eyes staring at her the whole class, all every day. I mean, he would walk in, start looking for her. I could tell. It was very sweet. She was oblivious to it. But he I could tell, and we talked about this. And as soon as this class was over, about five minutes later, he comes into my office just absolutely. being mean and he said, I asked her out. And he was so happy.

Now, he found out a coup about two days later that she was steadily dating someone else. But I just thought that's a deal breaker when someone's steadily dating someone else. Go for it. But I was so proud. I was so proud that he just he swallowed that fear and walked up and asked her, talked to her. Because I have watched so many times the fear of being rejected.

The fear of the no, the fear of I'm not interested cripples us, and some people say I would rather not get the no. And so I won't even try. I won't even possibly get the yes. Because I'm so afraid of a possible no. I would suggest not only is that a key to success in the latter days. It is one of the greatest successes of relationships. I would rather be the person that fails miserably, but at least tried and can live with that I tried.

And the person who has to every single day wonder what might have been if I had had the courage to try. I would plead with you To be courageous. Risk, failure, and even embarrassment. But try. Be be the person that would rather fail Then live with myself. that I never tried.