Dysphoria is a profound state of unease or dissatisfaction. It is the semantic opposite of euphoria. In a psychiatric context, dysphoria may accompany depression, anxiety, or agitation. 1. Keep exploring more ways to create change 2. Embrace those things that will not change by finding meaning and value in how you are growing as a person 3. Change directions. By ending the relationship with love and acceptance and support for the other person. If you can't do number three - See steps 1 and 2. Ge...
Apr 10, 2023•21 min
Excerpts from an email I recently received: I really appreciate the free copy of Confidence in Conflict. Ironically, the very day it arrived, I was negotiating a deal with some investors from London and their main guy got really upset with me because I was wearing my attorney hat and putting legal protections into an agreement between us, and he stated that I didn't understand how business was done and was not being a good partner. I noticed his criticism/declaration, felt my defensiveness get t...
Mar 27, 2023•24 min
1. Lie about things to inflate your image then justify it to yourself as “true enough.” 2. Are extremely confident but get defensive quickly and intensely when blamed or criticized 3. Justify, rationalize, or minimize anything to make wrong things sound right or to make your behavior sound reasonable or normal 4. Think the rules don’t apply to you or that you are an exception 5. Have huge plans and make huge promises and justify them based on your belief in yourself 6. Don’t respect other people...
Mar 13, 2023•27 min
We all feel insecurities. ALL OF US. The limit us. Hold us back. Make us question our value. But what if we could overcome those feelings - or at very least deal with them in a way that we can manage them? 4 Steps to Overcome Insecurities Define the situation that makes you feel a certain way How do you WANT to feel in that situation What would you have to believe to feel the feels in the situation What thoughts would you have what actions if you believed what you believed and felt what you felt...
Feb 27, 2023•26 min
The only person you can control is yourself? False How do we make in an impact? What can we do to lead a better life and influence those around us to do so as well? There is a hole in the sidewalk. Someone should put a sign, some tape, a barricade to make sure people don’t fall in the hole. You would never walk right into the hole...or would you?! How often do we put ourselves into a situation where we exclaim “I can’t believe it” or “This happens every time” – Doing the same actions and expecti...
Feb 13, 2023•18 min
Boundaries can be used as a weapon of manipulation. (Bad use of Boundaries) Boundaries are the rules that help me keep in what I want in my life and out of my life what I don’t want. Boundaries are an invitation NOT an expectation. The parable of the white carpet You invite your friend to come over and see your new home. They bring your favorite drink. They arrive with mud all over their shoes and the decision is made at the threshold (boundary) Will they accept your invitation to remove their s...
Jan 30, 2023•17 min
When someone we love leaves it is often pain and panic that determine our actions. How do we engage in conversation during the pain and the panic? What do we do? 1. Decide what we want from the situation 2. Work to support the idea that people get to choose whatever they will choose 3. Take time to listen. Validate and Listen – Listening does not equal agreement 4. When we are trying to change other people it is just us trying to change things so they will be comfortable for us 5. Ask if they ar...
Jan 16, 2023•24 min
My friend Christine from the Shit Behind the Show Podcast had some pretty bold statments about my book " You Can Turn Conflict into Closeness ." There were some things I wanted to get clarity on, some things I wasn't sure I understood what she meant, and still some other stuff I just wanted to talk more about. What do I have to choose between our forever and our for right now? What does what other people say about you mean about you? How do you know you are ready to be put yourself out there aga...
Jan 02, 2023•30 min
They say comparison is the thief of joy. But it is also the thief of peace, stillness, and self-esteem as well. In a world where we are able to access the curated lives of those around us it is easy to fall in to a "I don't have enough/I will never have enough attitude. " So... What can we do about it? We can look at others and their lives quarterly (Small permission granted) and then move and look at our own life. Where we have been. Where we are now. Where we wanna. We can lead the life we wan...
Dec 19, 2022•21 min
Just as counselors have to search/learn/find the therapies that they will work with each individual clients, clients need to find the right therapist/therapy that will work for them individually. Important Takeaway: Find the therapy that works for you. Book Recommendation: Dr Gottman " The Science of Trust " Attunement is the desire and the ability to understand and respect your partner's inner world. The process of deeper understanding is the medicine that heals the pain and the betrayal of inf...
Dec 05, 2022•27 min
You can love someone unconditionally and be absolutely unfulfilled. What are the goals that you and your partner have for your marriage? What are your responsibilities to reach that goal and what are your partners? Can we have influence with another person and not be controlling or try and have influence OVER another person? Ultimately, It comes down to - Is this something we can communicate through and find ourselves on the other side of the conflict OR is it possible that the issue is a non-ne...
Nov 21, 2022•21 min
Loving someone for who they are is one of the greatest gifts you can give another person AND equally there is no greater feeling than knowing you are loved for exactly who/how you are. People are constantly changing but there is a difference between who you are as a person and what you are evolving into and changing yourself for your partner. Rule #1 I don't wanna be with someone who doesn't wanna be with me. Rule #2 If I'm not true to me - I'm not being true to anyone Get your own copy of - You...
Nov 07, 2022•25 min
Do you fall in love too easy? Once you are in a relationship do you invest EVERYTHING just to keep the relationship together? How often are you heartbroken because those feelings aren't reciprocated? Cody and Emil jump headlong into the "Law of Reciprocity" and how it applies to dating. You'll learn when to "Cool your jets" and when to "Pour gas on the fire" as you date/court/marry that significant other in your life. Protect your heart and learn to engage in a better way. Get your own copy of -...
Oct 24, 2022•38 min
When you bring something up (complaint) do the people in your life respond by being defensive? You've likely tried the "I" statements - but there is a better way! 4 Steps of Complaining to strengthen the relationship 1. Share my feelings and reasons 2. Use a transition phrase - see it from their point of view 3. Share their feelings and reasons 4. Check-in Get your own copy of - You Can Turn Conflict into Closeness...
Oct 10, 2022•21 min
I know you love your teenager but what if you learned that what you were doing was making things worse. Here are the most common don'ts that loving parents do, and what we can do instead. Get your own copy of - You Can Turn Conflict into Closeness
Aug 23, 2021•29 min•Season 1Ep. 4
You know those moments when someone makes a comment and it stings? It's not a full on conversation but a "drive by" with a one line zinger instead of bullets. Traditionally we either don't say anything and just seethe, or we call the person out on it, but their passivity turns into innocence and denial. So... How do we respond in a way that helps us protect and defend our boundary without being a butt-head? "Translating." Get your own copy of - You Can Turn Conflict into Closeness...
Aug 04, 2021•20 min
How do affairs happen? What are the rules or boundaries for relationships to support trust and it's accompanying vulnerability to instill intimacy? This episode addresses two questions from listeners Kim and Kate about relationship boundaries. There are three risk criteria that make relationships with others vulnerable to developing more than just a friendship: Age range plus or minus 7-10 years. Gender orientation (Gay with Gay, Heterosexual with Heterosexual etc., and attraction. If the "frien...
Jul 16, 2021•32 min•Season 1Ep. 2
How do I transition from work mode to husband father mode? How do I cope with the sexual abuse my spouse experienced before getting married? What one piece of advice would I give someone that could make all the difference in their marriage? One of my biggest pet peeves in life is that we as a society pay a lot of lip-service to the importance of marriage but we don't do much in terms of preparing people for marriage and training them in marriage. It's easier to get a marriage license than it is ...
Jun 11, 2021•1 hr 30 min•Season 1Ep. 1
