Chances are, we're going to be spending some time around family this time of year. Some of those old triggers come back, and before we know it, we're acting like we did before we ever stepped foot in therapy. Don't despair! The chains of family dysfunction are thick and strong, but you can break them. This week we take a look at how they develop and how to break free. The article I referenced: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-parents-rsquo-trauma-leaves-biological-traces-in-childre...
Dec 04, 2023•43 min
The nature of human beings is: we internalize the voices we surround ourselves with. As we start winding down this year and enter into the holiday season, it's a good time to consider: whose voices are allowed in your life? Whose messages have you internalized to be your own? This has a remarkable impact on our mental health. To order the Toolbox: https://www.amazon.com/Toolbox-Tools-Build-Relationships-Repair/dp/1736381318/ref=sr_1_1?crid=KQW80JOB4TXC&keywords=vanessa+londino&qid=170045...
Nov 20, 2023•48 min
Growing up in a bilingual family taught me something: if you don't speak the language, you miss out on practically everything. This week we take a deep dive into the anatomy of the brain - how men's and women's brains are naturally and beautifully different - and how that affects our communication styles. We take an honest look at the expected "norm" in our society where communication is concerned and how to become... bilingual. Hint: it means using more of your brain. (You're gonna want to shar...
Oct 16, 2023•1 hr 1 min
The global state of mental health is in decline as more people than ever before report living with chronic mental distress, more people are on psychotropic medications, and more are dying by suicide, not less. Effective therapists are in high demand, yet graduate programs are churning out new therapists who are trained to diagnose and treat the diagnosis rather than the human being. The model and approach clearly aren't working, but the train keeps barreling down the tracks. What are new therapi...
Sep 25, 2023•1 hr 19 min
In this episode, we take a deep dive into what makes dysfunctional families dysfunctional and when it's time to cut things off. We examine the responsibilities of parents and the rights of children and what happens in role reversals, when children become responsible for the emotional wellbeing of their parents. Not all family situations require a full cut off, but are families wholly unaccountable because of their status as "family"? You decide.
Sep 11, 2023•57 min
This week, Jared finally caved and accepted my invitation to interview him on the podcast. Yes: Jared, the editor, who is also my beloved husband. His story is compelling, and his voice is real and genuine. Our relationship started with all the usual joy and happy anticipation, but Jared had developed a habit that was holding him back and keeping us outside of the intimacy we both wanted. In this episode, Jared walks us through his decision to seek therapy and how the ripple effect of this work ...
Aug 28, 2023•1 hr 11 min
When someone says, "I don't really get angry," this should be a red flag. Anger is a vital, functional human emotion, but it is vastly and consistently misunderstood. This week, we take a deep dive into the healthy purpose of anger and an even deeper dive into the dysfunctional expressions of anger: the explosive type and the suppressed type. So whether you can get aggressive or passive aggressive, this episode is for you!
Aug 22, 2023•50 min
Have you ever said, "I'm okay" when what you were really saying was "I'm not even close to okay"? This week, we pull back the layers of denial, fear, and shame that keep us from getting the help we desperately need. Then we look at the growth process... what does it really mean to be okay? And can we ever get okay with that?
Aug 14, 2023•36 min
Most of the time, when people say they want to work on communication, they mean they want to improve on how they express themselves. This is worthwhile work! But the other side of communication, the "silent partner," is how we listen. Today we dive into the relational dynamics and some light neurobiology on the practice and skill of listening. This has the power to change our relationships and our lives. And the good news is: it's totally within our control.
Aug 07, 2023•49 min
You're doing your work. You're coming out of denial. You're starting to see your patterns and coping mechanisms. AND... you're starting to realize your family of origin ain't changing all that much. What to do? This week we tackle the delicate and confusing moments that arise when we're trying to do things differently, but at home it's the same old song and dance. Never fear! There are many pathways forward.
Jul 31, 2023•1 hr 2 min
This week I explain the devastating loss Jared and I just endured and some of the lessons learned from pain. We seek joy in our lives, understandably, and we avoid pain. What we are actually avoiding is a cave of tears and treasure. Learning how to grieve, receive, process pain, and be gentle with ourselves is part of coming back into emotional balance in the wake of hardship.
Jul 24, 2023•32 min
This week, we take a look at the human propensity for self-deception and how the field of mental health is colluding with delusional thought. Our sanity depends on the commitment each and every one of us makes to REALITY, regardless of who the "experts" are. For information on the Toolbox Workshop: https://www.vanessalondino.com/contact
Jul 10, 2023•50 min
Here we are at the midway point of the year. How's it going? This week, we tackle one of the most overlooked but essential elements of a mentally stable life: your support system. No, it's not necessarily your brunch pals. It may not be your childhood friends. You support system is comprised of the people in your life who help you carry the weight. Everyone needs a support system, but most of us weren't taught how to build one. After listening to this episode, you'll know how. Toolbox Workshop i...
Jul 03, 2023•52 min
Going to therapy isn't the magic bullet some would believe it to be. Successful therapy doesn't just identify mental and emotional distress, it seeks to resolve it through two distinct processes: insight and effort. This week, we unpack the two most important tasks of psychotherapy. We dive into what makes therapy a worthwhile investment and what makes it a waste of time. Most importantly, we look at the mechanics of transformation. It's not magical. There's a logic to it. Learn more about the T...
Jun 26, 2023•47 min
This week, we examine the most difficult layer of inner work and the powerful "domino effect" that doing this work has on our lives. Most will never do it. Most are content to live their lives on the surface of things. But for those who are brave enough to face their shadow, the greatest freedom and clarity awaits.
Jun 19, 2023•52 min
I posted this question on my Instagram story - "What's the worst advice you've ever received?" - and it sparked some serious feedback from y'all, so I decided to pick the best of the worst advice you sent me and talk about why the advice was so bad. Advice - both seeking it and requesting it - comes down to our relationship with authority, so this week we dive into Dr. Diana Baumrind's three styles of parental authority and how that shapes our relationship with authority figures in general. We g...
Jun 12, 2023•52 min
In the annals of bad advice, this might be up there with the worst of the worst. Like telling an emotionally dysregulated person to "calm down," the words "get over it" have been said millions of times. You have to wonder... how many times have they worked? I'd bank on zero. If something is signficant enough to cause long term emotional distress, chances are it's not something we can just "get over." This week we unpack this bad advice - what it really means and, more importantly, how to actuall...
Jun 05, 2023•49 min
Communication forms the basis for connection. The more skilled we are as communicators, the better our chances are at forming meaningful, lasting, and deepening connections. This week, we take a look at one major reason why communication breaks down: we don't know the difference between our thoughts and our feelings. Confusing these two important flows of information confounds our communication and makes emotional connection almost impossible. While we journey toward mental and emotional strengt...
May 22, 2023•46 min
This week it's more personal. Rather than a deep dive into theory or the latest waste of time in the world of pop-psychology, I share an intimate lesson I've learned in the past year or so that solidified in my mind during a recent session. So many of us acclimated to harsh life conditions and we live our lives as if we're still fighting those battles. This week I introduce a different way of living. Away from our engrained trauma responses and survival skill sets and into a more peaceful, trust...
May 15, 2023•42 min
This week, we take a deep look at the choice each and every one of us has if we want to grow more mentally and emotionally healthy: whether or not we choose to LEARN. We may want quick steps, a fast track toward feeling better, but I believe it's safe to say that anyone who's selling you quick and easy is making a buck off of your pain. The reality is: it takes a lifetime to become who we are. It takes a commitment to living and LEARNING to reach our potential as human beings and transcend the t...
May 08, 2023•45 min
It's not a subject we touch on frequently, but it's one we need to look at: the deep and lasting imprint of our family of origin, namely our parents. We lovingly and protectively resist attacking or blaming our parents for weaknesses and wounds, but in the effort to keep our family narrative unsullied, we fail to process our own experiences - good and bad - and our healing falters. This week, we address the very real and lasting impact and responsibility parents have with their children and why ...
May 01, 2023•50 min
This week, I chat with an old friend and new author, AnneMarie Anderson, as she walks us through the logic and passion of her new book, "Brain Sex." Slicing through the cultural confusion and social stigmas, AnneMarie breathes new life and common sense into a much needed conversation about sex. She invites us to address and readdress the topic of our sexuality with our bodies AND our brains. Be prepared to be challenged. Be prepared to have your assumptions shaken. This book is succinct and pote...
Apr 24, 2023•1 hr 12 min
We're living in a society where we are enticed, tempted, and invited to sink into a subtle narcissism and take on a victim mindset, every single day. This is what the new mental health system is peddling: the notion that your situation is out of your control, your LIFE is out of your control, and the only way forward is to see yourself as a victim, passively accept help, or narcissistically see your pain as some kind of exceptional anomaly. The reality is: most of us are just living life on life...
Apr 17, 2023•41 min
Last Thursday, I had a difficult conversation with a family member that left me feeling sad, disappointed, and exhausted. After processing the experience with safe people in my support system, something was missing. It wasn't until I realized that a much younger version of me needed some healing attention that things started to feel like they were coming around to a resolution. The Inner Child is not a "sweet idea." It's not an imaginary playmate. And it's not psychobabble. The child we once wer...
Apr 10, 2023•45 min
In the wake of the Nashville school shooting, we are understandably brought once again to the seemingly unanswerable question: what in the world drives people to do this? The common answer from armchair therapists everywhere is: "childhood trauma." No. That's not it. Many of us were traumatized, and we didn't become violent. So what is it? This week, we look at the real reason people turn to violence. Here's the bad news: our society is on a slow march to more and more violent crime if we don't ...
Apr 03, 2023•42 min
How do we really find rest? Is a good night's sleep? A massage? A quiet afternoon with a book? It's much simpler than that, but we can easily miss it. This week, we dive into the real path to finding rest and my own lessons learned in the past couple of weeks. I slipped into a pattern that needed to be stopped, and it got me thinking: do we over-complicate self-care? (We do.) Stunning in its simplicity, the best way to care for ourselves is as obvious as the breath in our bodies.
Mar 27, 2023•40 min
This week, we have a real treat for our listeners. A listener named "Kathy" wrote into the podcast asking for help with a specific issue, but it's an issue about which your favorite podcast host doesn't have a body of knowledge! So... I made a call. I just happened to have a friend who just happens to be an expert on this very issue, and she generously took the time to give her mind and heart to this audience. If you have ever struggled with body dissatisfaction (who hasn't?), body image issues,...
Mar 20, 2023•1 hr
Did anyone see "Triangle of Sadness?" (Me neither.) This week, we're not focusing on the Oscar nominated film, but we ARE talking about the single biggest drama-producing, madness-inducing dynamic present in every single dysfunctional relationship. We're going to dive into the roles we get ourselves into that make our relationships feel like pinball machines, bouncing back and forth and never settling. And lastly, we're going to focus on how to STOP THE MADNESS and return to sanity once again. T...
Mar 13, 2023•35 min
This week we take a look at both the necessity and the process of developing self-compassion. Between self-knowledge, which is essential for mental health, and self-love, which is the goal of mental health, is self-compassion. This is the all-important middle step. This is where we learn that our pain matters and we begin to give ourselves what we've craved from others: loving attention. Without compassion, our pain gnaws at us. With compassion, we develop an internal respect that heals our deep...
Mar 06, 2023•37 min
Now that life feels back to normal after the worldwide COVID pandemic, we look at where we are as a human race. Did we progress or regress over the last few years? Perhaps we can make the case for both, but in this episode I'm going to look at the pandemic that slipped under the radar and infected all of our minds: emotional reasoning. This dangerous relationship with our subjective reality - where we believe everything we feel - has eclipsed rational thought and rendered people more vulnerable ...
Feb 27, 2023•44 min
