You're listening to the Savage Lovecast, Dan Savage's sex and relationship show for grown-ups. If you're under 18, get out of here, young'un. If you're stuck in a relationship quandary. Or if you're looking for sexual harmony. Oh my God, you guys, there is an emergency in Idaho. Rising temperatures, yes, but that's not the emergency. They're worried about in Idaho right now.
leopards eating their faces. Couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of Republicans, but that's not it either. Housing crisis. Yes, they have one there too, but that is not the most pressing emergency facing the state of Idaho, according to Republicans. In Idaho, the state, actually, incidentally, I looked it up just now, the state with the weirdest state motto, esto perpetua, which does not mean hoctua in Spanish. It means let it be perpetual in Latin.
Anyway, the crisis in our most perpetrated state, our most perpetual state, the perpetuate me state, the emergency right now that requires state action, truck nuts.
Those lumps of plastic sold in truck stops and gag gift stores that look like a pair of low hangers. Two great big balls that you can if you wanna because it's a free country or it... was until very recently, you can hang those truck nuts from the trailer hitch on the back of your truck to let everyone on the road behind you know your truck identifies as male, I guess.
Even though you're literally inside it, which seems to me if your truck ID'd as mail, it would be inside you and not the other way around. Anyway, Republicans in Idaho just banned truck nuts. This is, based on my limited research, thank you Wikipedia, thank you Vice, this is the first successful effort to ban truck nuts in the United States. Previous efforts to ban truck nuts in Virginia, Florida, South Carolina couldn't get off the ground. They went...
Tits up after free speech concerns were raised. Now, usually a law doesn't go into effect in Idaho until 60 days after the end of the legislative session. in which it was passed if it was signed by the governor. And the current legislative session doesn't end in Idaho until mid-April. But House Bill 270 took immediate effect after Governor Brad Little signed it last week.
reports the Idaho Capital Sun, thanks to the emergency clause inserted into the legislation by concerned about the emergency state legislators. So if you're listening in Idaho and you have truck nuts hanging from the back of your truck right now,
You in danger, girl. You could get pulled over. First two times you get caught with nuts on your truck, misdemeanor charges and fines. Third time, five years in prison. No. In fairness to Republican legislators in the state of Idaho and the state's Republican governor, in fairness to politicians who would never be fair to me, truck nuts weren't the target of House Bill 270.
Truck nuts were the innocent bystanders' collateral damage. The bill from Republican Senator Brian Lenny came at the request of Nampa City Council and other entities after last year's Canyon County Pride event. Our local prosecutors and everybody is asking for this. And again, it's not okay to expose yourself in public. It would outlaw women exposing their breasts, including transgender women and other genitalia.
Displaying toys or other products resembling genitalia would also be a misdemeanor. Senate Democratic leader Melissa Wintrow says that clause applies to replicas of scrotums hanging from people's trailer hitches. They call them truck nuts.
They're gross, they're offensive, and kids on the road see them. So why wouldn't the police get a call and say, that offends me, pull it off the truck? Because now this bill will allow it. The measure easily passed the Senate and already passed the House last month. That was James Dawson's report for Boise State Public Radio News. So this new law was intended to target trans women and pride events, specifically trans women going topless.
at Pride events. Truck nuts being yanked off Ford F-150s was a worst case scenario invoked by Idaho Democrats, outnumbered and overwhelmed Idaho Democrats. as a kind of worst case scenario in a losing attempt to get people who weren't the intended targets of House Bill 270 to think they might be accidental victims of House Bill.
in the hopes that that would make them give the teeniest, tiniest shit about the people who were the intended targets or oppose the law out of pure self-interest. Yeah, that's not going to work. The same Idaho Republicans who oppose Medicare expansion because it might help some people they don't like. Even though Medicare expansion would mostly help the people of Idaho, most of those people being Republicans, yeah, those people aren't going to oppose a bill.
that is designed to hurt primarily people they don't like. Someone who'll cut off his own nose to spite his own face will happily cut the nuts off his truck out of spite. So, yeah. The truck nuts argument against HB 270, Idaho HB 270, not going to work and didn't work. Made headlines, though, all across the country. An attack on the rights of trans people in a red state? Sadly, that's not news.
But banning truck nuts, even unintentionally, that's news. That's newsworthy. A slightly better spin if I may Monday morning quarterback this. Seems to me a slightly better spin if the goal was turning Republicans against this bill. And full disclosure, I don't think Democrats should be wasting what little political capital they have in a place like Idaho, opposing a bill to restrict indecent exposure, but a better spin.
A real pirouette in the funhouse mirror would have been taking to the floor of the Idaho State Senate to thank Republicans for affirming the gender identities of trans women in Idaho. I mean, until this legislation was signed into law by that... trans woman loving governor of theirs until it was signed into law. It was a violation of Idaho's indecent exposure statute for a cis woman to expose her breasts in Idaho, but not for a trans woman to expose her breasts.
Under the old law, the unamended law, Idaho didn't consider trans women's breasts to be real breasts. They didn't consider trans women to be women. But now, under the law, Idaho recognizes trans women as women and trans women's breasts as real women's breasts.
Accidentally banning truck nuts was something Idaho Republicans could live with. Accidentally affirming trans women as women? Yeah, making that argument might have peeled off a few votes from the Republican side in the Idaho state legislature. All right, Oakland, Atlanta, Sacramento, Bellingham, hump.
2025 part one, the spring tour coming to your towns this weekend. It is a great lineup. Nowhere else but hump. Are you going to see a brand new movie musical about a very demanding cum sock to find out about the. venues and show times to watch the trailer, get tickets, go to humpfilmfest.com. And hey, now is a good time to come out and show your support for the kind of artistic and sexual expression you will find at Hump.
Not just a virtuous thing to do, a fun thing to do. We will see you at the show. We are coming to 40 more cities over the next three months. Full list of cities Hump is coming to. Up now at Hump Film Fest. Oh, and speaking of lists of cities, there are protests in cities all over the country, including... At least seven or eight that I saw in Idaho, April 5th. To find out where the protest nearest you is on April 5th, National Day of Action Against Trump and Musk. Go to Hands Off 2025.
All right, coming up on today's show, on the micro, tons of your Q's, lots of my A's. Joining me on the magnum, Dr. Stacey Dillon. board-certified physician, a gynecology and family planning specialist, big believer in evidence-based medicine. joins me to tackle some calls and questions from listeners whose partners are going through menopause or who are going through menopause themselves. Dr. Dillon explains the difference.
between menopause and perimenopause, some of the unpleasant symptoms that can occur, and the safe and effective meds that are available to treat the symptoms. All that coming up on today's show. This episode of the Lovecast is brought to you by the good folks at Squarespace. They make it easy to build a beautiful website, blog, or online store.
Head on over to squarespace.com slash savage for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code savage to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. This episode is sponsored by HIMSS, affordable access to ED treatment all online. Start your free online visit today at HIMSS.com slash savage. Hey Dan, so... I have a friend who is a relatively new friend in the scheme, about a year, year and a half, give or take. And we met at work. We instantly clicked.
We have had day trips. We have had overnight trips and adventures. We have just become really close. But what I'm noticing... about this person is that they're not a great friend to others and it gives me pause and I just wanted to kind of see what your thoughts are on this. An example of a friendship kind of faux pas that I saw was when this person was at a music festival in a big city.
She ended up giving a ticket that she had held for one person to another one. And so she had that friendship where she...
you know, kind of ditched somebody for a better offer is kind of how it appeared anyway. She has already lost that one friend over this. Then the friend that she did go with, who was, I believe, a college roommate, she ended up... meeting some guy at the festival and ended up leaving her out-of-town friend to go have a one-night stand with this guy in a really nice hotel and it was super fun and it's a fun story.
But she left another friend who was out of town at a music festival in a city that she was unfamiliar with. Then fast forward to this past New Year's, she went up to a city in the Northeast to help celebrate New Year's with a friend of hers from...
I don't know, childhood, who's going through a bad divorce. They went out to a couple of bars on New Year's Eve, and she met somebody there and ended up going home with... that person for a one night stand instead of going with her friend who she was up there to visit and on top of that she drove with this person who she was having the one night stand with, in a car to his house, and her friend walked home on New Year's Eve alone.
Now, this is her friend's city, but even still, the whole point of her being there was like to comfort her friend. So I guess my question is, what do I kind of do with this? Do I do nothing with it? I don't address it at all. I don't feel like it's really my place to address it. I'm always hearing about it as like, hey, I had this great one night stand. And then like, whatever happens in the side story about like, I.
I'll ask, like, hey, what happened with your friend? She's like, oh, she didn't care. Or she walked home. Or she stayed at the hotel. And I'm like, are these people really okay with that? Because I don't think I would be. So I'm just trying to figure out how to navigate this still really new friendship, kind of seeing toxic behaviors or what I would consider toxic behaviors that she is portraying.
In general, someone who is not a great friend to others will eventually get around to not being a great friend to you. The specifics here, though, you say that these incidents that your friend has told you about, even bragged to you about, where she wound up.
getting the D and taking off and leaving one friend at a concert and leaving another friend at a New Year's Eve party that they'd gone to together, wound up leaving them alone to go get the D. You say these are old friends, long-term friends. Did she lose these friends? Are they still her friends? You're projecting yourself into this experience. And I think you have every right to say to your friend when she's telling you this story, like, oh my God, if you did that to me.
If we were out together on New Year's Eve and you left with some dude and I was alone and had to walk home from a party on New Year's Eve when everyone is impaired, I would be pissed. And then you can see what your friend might say in response to that.
Who knows? I don't know. You don't know. Maybe you would have included this detail. I think you would have included this detail if it was true. She might have responded with, oh, I said to my friend, like, we're both out hunting dick. I found some dick. Is it all right if I take off? And her friend said, yeah, sure, go.
Went off hunting dick herself. Maybe she knew her friend at the concert, had other friends at the concert, was going to be okay. You're projecting yourself into this experience where you're out with her. And she does this to you and it wouldn't be okay. And you're absolutely within your rights to communicate that to your friend. She tells you this crazy story about the dick she got.
When she went out to hang out with her friend who just got a divorce or when she went to the concert with one friend, she did lose the friend that she ditched. to take somebody else to the concert she offered that ticket to one person and then pulled it back to offer it to somebody that i assume she wanted to hang out with more or somebody whose relationship was more important for her
My late friend David Rakoff had a rule. He was a friend to thousands of people. He was a genius at friendship. He was the Casanova of friendships. And one of his dictums, one of his rules about being friends is no trading up. If you accepted a dinner invitation or to go to a show with one friend and then you get an offer from another friend or someone else to go to...
a much more glamorous show or some other thing that's more perhaps socially attractive or advantageous. It's shitty of you to trade up. No trading up. Once you've made a commitment. You've made a commitment and you need to be there and follow through on that commitment for the sake of your friendship. Obviously, the woman who she yanked the ticket back from, who's no longer her friend, felt ill-treated.
The other two friends, though, you don't mention those relationships collapsing because they were out together, maybe both hunting Dick and she found Dick and they didn't. And they had to find their own way home. I think that as a gay man, I might have a blind spot here because, you know, less risky for a gay man to be alone in a club where a whole bunch of people are drunk on New Year's Eve and find their way home, which is why I'm hoping.
Your friend discussed this with her other friends, those two cases where she went for the dick and ditched the friend or left the friend. I'm hoping she had a conversation with those friends about what she was about to do and helped them come up with a backup plan or heard from them that it was okay with them if she left. If she didn't, yeah, that...
This is a bad sign about the kind of friend she is. Certainly not the kind of friend that you would feel safe going to a New Year's Eve party or a concert with or asking to come to town after, hopefully it ever happens, your divorce. to hang out and commiserate. Anyway, yeah. What do you do with this? You push back, you argue. I mean, argue in a bitter way. You say, oh my God, if you did that to me, I'd be pissed. You see what she says.
And then if you don't feel safe with her as a friend, if you don't want her in your life, you slowly wind this down. It's only been a year and a half. You don't have to have a big breakup conversation. It's not your job to repair her or fix her on the way out. If you don't want her in your life because you don't feel safe with her, if you don't feel like she's a good friend to the people that she regards as friends, make yourself less available over time until the friendship ends in due course.
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Head on over to squarespace.com slash savage for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code savage to save 10% off your purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com slash savage. and use the offer code savage hey dan and the tech savvy at rescue i have a question about douching so i find the easiest way to douche is to use the shower pipe after unscrewing the shower head i've never had any issues with it i don't know if
That's your recommended process. But in any case, I was on a business trip to Southeast Asia recently where the water wasn't potable. The water was clean. There was running water. It was fine to wash hands, clothes, dishes in, and so on. But drinking, it was risky. You get runny bowels and whatnot, which led me to wonder, would it be safe to use that water, to use that shower head to douche? So, you know, the water is just going up the butt and it's getting flushed right out.
So maybe there's no risk, but I suppose the lining of the rectum can absorb what's presented to it. So I wasn't sure. Have you heard of butt chugging? That's where people sometimes...
give themselves wine enemas and get instantly drunk. People should not do this. It's very risky, very risky for alcohol poisoning. But if you put wine in enema water and... pump it into somebody's ass, they're gonna get very, very drunk because the alcohol is absorbed almost directly into the bloodstream without the benefit of being filtered through the digestive system.
It stands to reason. I think we can infer that if you introduce water that you have been advised against drinking into that same butt that can absorb alcohol and get you drunk. Amoebas, parasites, other pathogens that might have sickened you if you poured that water down your throat could sicken you if you pump that water up your ass. I'm just making a logical inference here. I did check with...
An internist, and he told me that if you're not allowed to drink the water, probably a bad idea to douche with it. If you wash your hands. It's not going to be absorbed into your bloodstream or into your digestive tract. If you put it into your body, it could be. So don't. Travel with a douche bulb the next time you go to this country or visit a place where the water isn't safe to drink and fill that douche bulb not with water out of the tap, but with water out of a bottle.
of water bottled water that's safe to drink the bottled water in a place like that that you buy for drinking and for brushing your teeth Use that water. If you forgot a douche bulb, you can also use that water bottle as a douche bulb. There are douche bulb attachments you can get that screw on to standard water caps, but also if you're using... the shower attachment and probably unscrewing the shower head and just working the end of the hose into your butt. You can work the end of.
a water bottle the mouth of a water bottle into your ass to a little bit screw it into your ass literally and then just squeeze the water bottle and there you are you have an improvised douche bulb Good luck. This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep, makers of my mattress, my husband's mattress, my boyfriend's mattress. Man, if mattresses could talk.
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and complications behind it. I had a friend who, back when we were teenagers, we're in our early 40s now, We were each other's first long-term relationship. We dated for three years. It was really, really, really intense. I had to take a lot of time apart, like years apart, when we broke up. But we became really good friends in the interim.
He's married, and I'm not legally married, but I've been with my partner for almost 13 years. And they have kids now. And the last time we saw each other, which was some time ago,
He was saying some things that were pretty flirtatious and kind of weird. Both of our monogamous partners were present at the time. My partner noticed it. I didn't talk to his wife about it. But basically... it was a little odd and we had some odd misunderstandings after that not about the possible flirting but about other things but the last time we had talked to each other i thought we were cool
He was there for me with some things I needed to talk to a friend about, some personal issues. But now he seems to be ghosting me. And I have no idea why that might be. And my partner, who, like I said, was there for these odd interactions, suggested that he might actually have some feelings for me that are unresolved and that his wife put the kibosh on us talking. I don't know if that's true or not, but I just wanted to ask you, how common is that? The idea of somebody being ghosted because...
their committed partner is like, I don't want you talking to this person. It's not good for our relationship. Is that a regular common thing? Yeah, if you're...
old friend and former boyfriend's wife watched him flirt with you in front of her. That seems to me the most obvious explanation for what exactly is going on here. He behaved inappropriately, not just in front of... your partner but in front of his partner it didn't only make you uncomfortable you say it did make you uncomfortable obviously if it made you uncomfortable most likely made his wife uncomfortable too
And you continue to have some contact and just inferring from chronology here of events and circumstances seems to me that after highly likely that after that night where he. flirted with you for old time's sake or because he has unresolved feelings, probably led to some conflict with the wife, some blow up afterwards with the wife. He continued to chat with you and talk to you and be there for you in ways that.
You needed him or wanted him to be there for you. I bet that was an ongoing source of conflict in their relationship. And eventually the wife said, look, you got to stop talking. to this woman not because you've done anything wrong but because it made her feel uncomfortable what she was seeing from her husband yeah this is a really common thing It's great when people are friends with their exes. I think more people should be friends with their exes. I think it's a good sign about somebody.
When they're friends with their exes, if somebody tells you that all their exes are terrible people, or if you meet somebody and none of their exes will have anything to do with them, that's usually a sign that they're the. common denominator in a lot of failed relationships. And if they tell you all their exes are toxic, that ups the chances that they're the toxic ex in all those relationships. But it's not always possible for...
The current partner, out of insecurity, whether it's rational or irrational, and it might be rational in this case, not always possible for the current partner to tolerate the person that they're seeing, their spouse. Having intimate friendships or close relationships with exes, particularly if they've seen evidence with their own eyes that the ex represents some sort of existential or...
very real threat to the relationship that they're in now because they're a temptation. Sometimes people regard exes as a temptation and it's completely irrational and controlling and unfair. is just petty jealousy and sometimes worse than petty jealousy. It's an attempt to isolate somebody or control them and start carving people out of their lives. And they start with X's and progress to friends and other.
People that their partner may rely on for emotional support and gut checks. But in this case where he made some sort of pass at you or said some. wildly inappropriate things to you in front of his wife and your partner, her reaction may not be entirely irrational. If I were you, if I were in your shoes, and I have been in your shoes,
I would text my friend and say, look, this is what I think is going on. If this is what's going on and we need to take a break from each other because you have to prioritize the relationship you're in now. I'm a stone in your current partner's shoe, or they perceive me as a threat. And at least from my end, I am not a threat. You can say all those things and then get confirmation.
probably won't change anything. If his wife wants you out of his life and he wants her in his life more than he needs you in his life, probably won't change anything, but at least you'll have an explanation. you'll have the obvious explanation. And if you don't hear back from him after you say here's what I think is going on, then that's exactly what's going on.
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Subscription required. Price varies based on product and subscription plan. Hey Dan, gay guy here in his early 40s. I was living and working overseas. This was maybe about a year and a half, two years ago. And I met a guy there and I was keeping it really casual just because I'm not a big fan of monogamy. And also I knew that I would be leaving eventually.
So we were on and off again for about a year, but we did end up catching feelings and falling in love. Fast forward a little bit and he comes to visit me in my home country of New Zealand. We had been keeping in touch. talking every week so it made sense to visit and he spent about three months here and we just had a magical time it was really great and we just fell sure they're in love
But I've always kept him at arm's length. Firstly, the long-distance thing. Secondly, I'm just a little bit scared of... monogamous relationships, long-term relationships, and I know that that is what he says he wants marriage and he wants kids, and I want the opposite. I don't want those things, and I've told him. multiple, multiple times, but we still keep in contact and we're still having this kind of weird distance, open relationship thing.
Anyway, it's complicated. What makes it more complicated is that he's from a country that's really conservative, where it's not cool to be gay, where it's dangerous for him to be gay, where he's constantly pressured into marriage. arranged marriages are a thing there as well. I just worry about him and I know that he's really unhappy and he often cries about how unhappy he is at this home country.
He never wants to ask him to bring him to New Zealand or for us to be together. But we have this amazing connection. It just feels so right. Even though we are so... different, not just our personalities, but our values. We don't have much in common. For some reason, it just feels right when we're together, and I know we have something special. But I'm kind of resisting the relationship. Do you think it would be crazy for me to entertain the idea of bringing him to New Zealand?
try some kind of unconventional relationship, try and get him a visa, and just get him out of his horrible situation that he's in. This is long-termism. You're approaching this problem, this question, with a kind of bias toward the long-term relationship, the open-ended, together for the next 50, 60 years. relationship. And I think you should be considering helping this guy out as a potential really successful short-term relationship. And that's how you should present it to him.
You want to, we're great together. We're great together for now. We're probably not going to be great together over the long term because we want very different things, which is fine. It's also fine for us to want each other. right now and maybe there's a two three year window where we're together and we're really happy and we both learn and grow and who knows anything can happen in two or three years maybe we'll
both learn and grow, or you'll both learn and grow in such ways where you find yourselves increasingly on the same page about what you want long-term out of a relationship. But even if that doesn't happen,
You could have a really great STR with this guy. An STR that gets him the visa that he needs to get him out of the... anti-gay country where he lives at the moment, his country of origin, assuming he even wants to leave, he may be treating you as this outlet where he can express his frustration and he can cry it out and have no interest in actually leaving behind his culture, his family, and everything that's familiar, he may ultimately want to stay.
But if he wants out, the reason you're hesitating right now to get him out, to even broach the subject of potentially him moving. to New Zealand with you and you aiding him in getting a visa is that you're having a hard time gaming this out for the rest of your life. You're having a hard time seeing in the relationship that you have now with him.
decades of potential and there may not be decades of potential in it. And that's fine. What there could be is two or three years where you guys are great together. where you enjoy each other's company and you enjoy the sex and the relationship, but you know that there's, that it's temporary and that's fine. Almost all relationships end, right?
And it's, I think sometimes helpful to approach a relationship and say, there's a window here where this makes sense. Let's enjoy fully everything that's possible for us. in this window. And then who knows? Maybe the window is bigger than either of us anticipated. Maybe we'll be together longer than we thought we might.
But we can be together now and being together now would improve my life because I love you. And being together now would improve your life because you love me. And this may be where I am a better place for you to be who you are.
And if in 10 years you're married to somebody else and you have kids with somebody else, we can still be in each other's lives as exes and friends. And that's more possible, I think, when... you go into a relationship that has great short-term potential having acknowledged that it's most likely going to be a short-term relationship because then when it's winding down you're not going to do that thing that so many people feel like they have to do which is
engineer a lot of conflict to end a relationship. That you're only allowed to exit a loving and committed for however long you're together relationship if it blows up. And that subconscious bias is so strong that people will engineer the blow up, not just sabotage the relationship, but because they want out, but rationalize the end of the relationship by engineering some enormous conflict that
destroys everything and gets them out. And if you can acknowledge at the very start, like, look, we're both going to get out of this relationship eventually. Let's get out of it as friends. When it's time to call it, when either of us feels like it's time to call it. We'll call it and we'll love each other while we're together and we'll love each other.
as we enter this relationship and we can love each other as we exit this relationship. No guarantee that's what will happen. But if you have that kind of conversation at the start, likelier that it can end that way and positively and in a loving way. And in a way where he has permanent residency in a country where he's free to be who he is as a gay man and free with your support and you in his corner to go out there and find the kind of relationship that he wants.
long-term, which may not be with you as his primary partner, but could be with you there as his best friend, as his ex in his corner. All right, time for listener feedback. First up, a few comments about last week's show from the comment thread at savage.love. Says bipolar, to the guy who read his wife's journals, proceed with extreme caution.
Many people regard their journal as sacred and a partner reading it would be an extinction level event. When my ex-husband and I were going through a very rough patch, he read my journal. That was the moment I realized our 15 plus year marriage was over. So, caller, tread carefully. And for the love of all that is sacred, please don't read.
her journals again. Says KK, a tip for Tesla owners. There are plenty of magnets and bumper stickers out there that you can put on your car to show your feelings about Musk. I got one from Etsy and now I don't feel like such an asshole when I'm just running errands. I've seen ones like, yes, I regret it. I just wanted dog mode and bought before the plot twist.
finally says pentatonic to the woman thinking about having an affair with her ex partly to get back at his girlfriend for ruining her life his girlfriend didn't ruin your life he did that he chose to leave you for her she didn't put a gun his head, he did these things of his own free will, and now he's choosing to cheat on her. You, caller, says Pentatonic, deserve something better. Does she, though?
To read more comments silently or aloud to yourself, go to savage.love. Click on the latest Lovecast or column or struggle session. Scroll down to the bottom and you will... Quickly find our amazing, thoughtful, kind, compassionate, no bullshit community of commenters. Our team of wonderful regulars. by DanFan, Jonathan, Andrew, NoCuteName, SlowMoPomo, Kat, Delta35, TedTheBellhop, Antigris, and so many more.
Always have thoughtful, insightful comments to share about the specifics of questions, the broader issues sometimes raised by them. And every once in a while, a commenter has better advice for a listener or a reader. than I do. Check out the comments or better yet, check out the comments and leave a comment at savage.love. And now some of the voicemails Savage Love listeners left on our answering machine this week.
Hey, this is a response inspired by the journal snooper of episode 960. First of all, Dan, your response was beautiful and thoughtful as always. And really what I want to say is to the would-be journal snoopers.
of the world personally i've written and written more than 15 000 pages in my journals over the years and if i were with someone who snooped and read that well that would be macro cheating it would be the ultimate betrayal and quite frankly an extinction level event you want to go fuck other people great go do it but don't you dare invade my brain and my privacy
on that level. So to the would-be snoopers out there, if you stumble upon someone's journals, as tempting as it is, just say no. Hey Dan, this is just some feedback from the female caller from the last episode who... thinks her boyfriend's junk smelt because he was wearing his exercise pants on days when he wasn't exercising.
You actually need to wash your exercise gear with laundry sanitizer. It's a separate product to detergent. You can buy it from a chemist or Walgreens. Use your detergent, your fabric softener, but also a cup full of laundry sanitizer into your gym gear. And that will actually... kill the microbes that live in the in the sweat that's in the fabric of the clothes so they should not have that smell moving forward
And he could also consider buying a men's intimate wash, which is a pH balance soap designed to cleanse the dick. It can help get rid of any kind of BV-like odors. Hopefully between those two things, he should be smelling better. Hi there. I'm calling about the woman who had the kind of transcendent experience when her partner took the blindfold off of her.
I'm a psychologist, and I have some experience working with Kink and the BDSM community, and I just wanted to throw out there that it sounds like what you might have experienced is subspace. that place where you are not in control in a way that feels very safe. And I think people underestimate how profound and powerful and healing it can be. It's so often the case that...
We don't feel that we can be both out of control and also safe and taken care of. And if that is how she felt with that blindfold arm, then it's possible that when it came off, she was kind of brought back to the real world and in that subspace. energy. So just wanted to throw that out there and also perhaps plug the beauty of safe sexual play as a means for certain types of healing.
And we're going to leave it there. Got a question for me? Go to savage.love slash askdan to record and upload your question or your comment or make a voice memo and email your question to q at savage.love or call us at 2... 206-302-2064 and leave us a message on our cancer machine. Once again, Oakland, Atlanta, Sacramento, Bellingham, Hump 2025 part one spring tour is in you this weekend. DC, Philly, Cleveland, you are up next.
For a full list of cities that Hump 2025 Part 1 is coming to and to get tickets and to watch the Hump 2025 Part 1 trailer right now, go to humpfilmfest.com. Follow me at blueskyatdansavage. Follow me on Instagram. threads at Dan Savage. Follow Dr. Stacey Dillon on Instagram and threads at Stacey Dillon underscore MD.
The Savage Lovecast is produced every week by Nancy Hartunian. And me and Nancy and the tech savvy at-risk youth will all be back at you next week on the installment of the Savage Lovecast. Thank you for downloading. And thank you for coming out on April 5th. HandsOff2025.com. Check it out.