This week finds John perusing some of Merlin's homework. This leads to a discussion of the benefits and risks of educational tourism. Will there be any Math on this Math test? John presents a new "Secret Brit," but it turns out that there is a Turns Out. For some reason, your hosts are really putting The British Empire on blast. Merlin is kind of out of it, and John is still thinking about his bug. There's an aside about nature documentaries and the extent to which they are either "real" or legi...
Aug 20, 2020•2 hr 36 min•Ep. 137
Things kick off with John rejecting some of Merlin's canny improvements to the doc. The doc *really* needs some work. It doesn't get any easier as Merlin attempts to do a normal podcast thing, but John keeps stepping on his bit. **John** does that. Anyway. Thank you. John has some follow-up on his haircut situation as well as sharing some important drop cloth advice. Next up comes a potential new segment called, "Secret Brit." Is that guy English? And what about her? Is she that gal from the oth...
Aug 06, 2020•1 hr 20 min•Ep. 136
Things kick off with a huge thank you to everyone who [gave Siracusa their money](http://GiveSiracusaYourMoney.com/), followed by a survey of listener suggestions for the name of the member feed. In follow-up, John shares some detailed updates on his chronically troubled toe. Merlin finds this content *extremely* challenging. Merlin relates an upsetting Walgreens anecdote, and John shares his etymological research on when you learn the notes to sing. Merlin can't get his tween to *one-ee-and-uh*...
Jul 23, 2020•1 hr 18 min•Ep. 135
Things kick off with an announcement on a new way you can help support the program—as well as get some _challenging_ new content. Please [give Siracusa your money](http://GiveSiracusaYourMoney.com). In follow-up, John has a very important haircut update. His barber was reluctant, and the experience was a little fraught. Do our ears and head really keep growing, or is that just a myth? Merlin puts a hat on a hat on a hat, and John badly confuses his Mels. Then, things move on to _time_. Can you c...
Jul 08, 2020•1 hr 23 min•Ep. 134
Someone has tampered with Merlin's bell, and John is looking forward to his "vacation." This leads to an exploration of seemingly hippie-dippie workplace policies and how they actually get applied in practice. Especially for everyone who's not the boss. In follow-up, John has an update on a recent addition to his home. Boy, they really wanna push those extra "features" on you, don’t they? No one should have to worry this much about water. In further follow-up, Merlin has a huge update on somethi...
Jun 24, 2020•1 hr 21 min•Ep. 133
In America, you are not allowed to hit back. Black Lives Matter. (_Recorded on Tuesday, June 2, 2020_)
Jun 10, 2020•1 hr 26 min•Ep. 132
Things kick off with a review of recent household paper cuts. Breaking the AirPods Rule, not using the hand rail, and barely surviving the chute into the kill zone. John hears the case of Merlin's exploding plumbing in order to adjudicate whether it constitutes _an actual emergency_. Service people are all about lead generation, but, John appreciates the input. The consequent verdict leads to exploration of minimizing COVID attack vectors. Speaking of riding things out, again with John's toe. Ju...
May 28, 2020•2 hr 59 min•Ep. 131
Quarantine updates, Banana Results, follow-up on John's sleep heat needs, and home improvement is also sheltered-in-place for now. In a main topic, John asks Merlin to talk about why he loves improv comedy so much. What part of your brain do you want scratched?
May 13, 2020•2 hr 33 min•Ep. 130
Things kick off with Merlin bemoaning John's emerging role as his primary existential creditor. John reminds Merlin that all that grinding is just continually *sharpening* him. In follow-up, your hosts thank the many, _many_ listeners who remembered the movie that John and Merlin clearly could not. Turns out, it was not "Batman." Or "The Notebook." This leads naturally into a main topic that pulls together a bunch of previously discussed topics: **how do you get your family to watch really good ...
Apr 29, 2020•2 hr 35 min•Ep. 129
Things kick off with John describing an unknown movie in bullets and Merlin thinking it sounds a little like Batman. Of course, this just ends up leading to John chiding Merlin for not utilizing his quarantine time to finish his long-overdue homework. The guys end up talking about the confusingly-titled resurrection of Merlin's old podcast. John has questions, and Merlin does his best to respond. Sometimes, you wanna give yourself a blue ocean, even if you never end up changing very much. Much l...
Apr 17, 2020•1 hr 5 min•Ep. 128
On top of all the sheltering-in-place, John is nursing a new injury, and Merlin doesn't love hearing it described at all. This leads to some medical technology discussion plus an on-air debriding agent demo. In a main topic, your hosts try to share some ideas on sustainably working remotely from home. History and experience can be pretty good teachers, but working yourself to a damaged nub is a terrible game for the young and should be considered harmful. And, then there's the technology we use ...
Apr 02, 2020•2 hr 43 min•Ep. 127
Things kick off with some soap talk, and then there's a deep dive into the current state of…things. Stay home, friends. There's some follow-up on Billy Joel Results. In the main topic, your hosts discuss what makes for a good car movie. John thinks it's different for car people, and Merlin saw a Tesla. Sometimes, it can be difficult to enjoy media that gets details you care about wrong. For homework, please watch FX on Hulu's _Devs_. (_Recorded on Tuesday, March 10, 2020_)
Mar 20, 2020•2 hr 55 min•Ep. 126
This week kicks off with some virus talk. Merlin is worried that we've lost the recipe for ice, and John is feeling very cynical. Don't worry about the giant barrel full of explosives; the water will cushion that. John remembers chicken pox parties, but Merlin is confused about exactly how a quarantine works. In follow-up, your hosts wrap up their (mostly spoiler-free) discussion of _Cheer_. As it turns out, cheerleaders are kind of a lot like soldiers, and you really wanna be on the lookout for...
Mar 05, 2020•2 hr 42 min•Ep. 125
Merlin is healing just as John is getting sick. Merlin has chained several bad decisions, and John has concerns about Merlin's office wall. John has moved some things around in the doc. In follow-up, John has acquired some Studio Ghibli from iTunes and reports back. This leads to further discussion of the beauty of Miyazaki films and a consideration of what makes them so special. Are the roles of filmmakers similar to the work of comics artists? What if you're just not a fan of currently fashion...
Feb 19, 2020•2 hr 41 min•Ep. 124
This week kicks off with some accidental video and an update on Merlin's ill health. John has been maintaining some lists, and Merlin shares some confessions of the Banker's Box lifestyle. Many things still need to leave my house. A litany of the lost things is presented and analyzed, and a catechism for finding the lost things is interrogated. In follow-up, Merlin is ready to present his iTunes Results regarding the acquisition of Studio Ghibli movies. John finally draws a line in the sand. Why...
Feb 06, 2020•1 hr 28 min•Ep. 123
Things kick off with an administrative meeting about the doc. Merlin tries to keep John from sneaking in, and John thinks Merlin should just use his eyeballs. Analogy sandwiches and their contents are debated. John lives with an unnamed two-towel person, and Merlin thinks he knows who it is. Spock loses his phaser, and Merlin earns his first multisyllabic laugh from John. Merlin can tell whether you are an AT&T customer, and John thinks phone calls in general are creepy. Merlin demonstrates his ...
Jan 24, 2020•2 hr 40 min•Ep. 122
Things kick off with John's Mac Pro prep mess. This is all *well beyond* Preparing the Way. This leads to a surprisingly detailed exploration of the challenges posed by setting up a new workspace given the constraints of the room and gravity. Cables, man. *Cables*. In a related topic, Merlin is struggling with post-holiday mess stress. Sisyphus is pushing another Sisyphus up a hill. You *really* don't want to make Daddy bring in his banker's box. How long before the elves arrive to remove all th...
Jan 09, 2020•2 hr 40 min•Ep. 121
In the interest of timeliness, this episode, recorded Tuesday evening, has been rushed to you on an accelerated schedule. John continues to Prepare the Way, his wife can't close one eye, and there's a Spoiler Slot on HBO's _Watchmen_. (_Recorded on Tuesday, December 17, 2019._)
Dec 19, 2019•2 hr 36 min•Ep. 120
Things kick off with a review of Thanksgiving results that quickly swerves into a deep dive on hotels. Why is Merlin obsessed with this one Marriott in Gold Country, and how come John avoids bunking with roommates? Then, there's a swerve back to the holiday of gratitude, and the boys envision a world in which you won't get anywhere near the turkey until you've dealt with an upsettingly mercurial new host. And, even then, you'll be called upon to help solve a stomach-churning murder mystery. Ther...
Dec 12, 2019•2 hr 41 min•Ep. 119
Things kick off with a check-in on _Watchmen_. Is John feeling more confident about it? There are MacGuffins inside of MacGuffins. John is still enjoying the Apple TV+ shows, and Merlin thinks expectation deflation can really work in your favor. John didn't remember that Jennifer Aniston was in _Office Space_. In a related mini-topic, Merlin wants to talk about _The Mandalorian_ as a way to explore what we like about _Star Wars_. Unsurprisingly, John is avoiding a poster, and Merlin gets schoole...
Nov 27, 2019•2 hr 54 min•Ep. 118
Things kick off with some quick Macintosh and video game nostalgia. John redrew his sprites, and Merlin enjoyed some stolen pinball. Merlin did lots of work this week. Your hosts discuss Sayonara Wild Hearts in particular and Apple Arcade in general. Merlin's family recently rented a *very* large automobile, and its various interfaces are reviewed. John declares the vehicle to be as ugly as it is large. Where is innovation welcome, and where is it mostly preferable to avoid? And what happens whe...
Nov 14, 2019•2 hr 53 min•Ep. 117
John opens with some follow-up questions, and Merlin realizes it's going to be one of _those_ episodes. John calls out Merlin's racism against his people. Both your hosts are now living the arms-free lifestyle. Merlin has follow-up on his ongoing Siri and Apple TV experiment, and, improbably, this leads to further discussion of Cupertino's frustrating quality slide. Voice dinguses are reviewed, and IMDB is bad. John has some water issues, and Merlin's lizard apparently has an unconventional face...
Oct 31, 2019•2 hr 43 min•Ep. 116
John has some questions about productivity, and Merlin has realized the new dragon is an attractive nuisance. Merlin has questions about his costly new chair, and John offers some further arm removal encouragement. John's flying monkeys chime in, and Merlin gets a reference in one. Merlin's family watches some _Star Trek_, and technical drawings are considered. John gives Merlin some stick about his _entirely proper_ USPS formatting. Next, John has follow-up on using the Apple TV TV TV app, and ...
Oct 16, 2019•2 hr 40 min•Ep. 115
Thanks to everyone who pitched in to raise money for St. Jude! Your hosts talk about playing Apple Arcade games with a PS4 controller, and Merlin wants to hear John's take on the new Apple TV app functionality. John doesn't want anything to screw up his place, and Merlin never wants to watch something with the Starz app. Believe it or not, this leads to some criticisms of Apple TV. John thinks he might be getting sick, and Merlin remembers when children were pumped full of cold medicine. John co...
Oct 03, 2019•1 hr 22 min•Ep. 114
Things kick into gear fast as John interrogates Merlin about his weird reaction to the recent Apple event. Why all the Charlie Brown? John has calibrated his expectations for these things, but Merlin still struggles to articulate what felt so off this time. Maybe it's just not understanding the profile for the Apple customer any more, but who knows? Then, your hosts return to **Secret Weird Things People Do**, and this week it's John's turn. Merlin wants to learn about the benefits that John get...
Sep 19, 2019•2 hr 37 min•Ep. 113
After some opening remarks, your hosts reveal the _very_ special guest for their forthcoming [member](https://www.relay.fm/membership) episode. They also invite you to please help Relay with a really cool project to benefit [an excellent cause](http://stjude.org/recdiffs). Merlin has some follow-up on his Apple TV, and John wants to understand why Merlin overpays his bills. Talk turns to the evolution of ecommerce. John assures Merlin he's still a valuable part of the team. John critiques how we...
Sep 05, 2019•2 hr 45 min•Ep. 112
John wants to take another shot at promoting Relay dot fm, and Merlin admits a shame. In follow-up, John has an update on _Millennium Actress_. As you know, Satoshi Kon is not the bitcoin guy. Listener response about cast iron skillets was huge. Merlin has updates on his Apple TV, and John has trouble understanding Merlin's beta obsession. Unsurprisingly, this leads to yet another discussion of the Apple TV's ample room for improvement. Children are not qualified to know which things are good or...
Aug 21, 2019•2 hr 37 min•Ep. 111
This week kicks off with a critique of Merlin's new haircut and eyeglasses. Also, Happy Birthday to Relay dot fm. John's recommendation of a movie viewing option is very quickly withdrawn, but then he has an even better recommendation. Next up, your hosts talk about John's experience with opening his Twitter DMs. This leads to a discussion of PR spam and the people who make it. What are the benefits and risks of making yourself more available? It's important to know what not to needle people abo...
Aug 08, 2019•2 hr 49 min•Ep. 110
This week kicks off with John quizzing Merlin about his **vacation results**. After the usual quibbling about terminology, Merlin confesses to being terrible at travel. John thinks vacations don't have to be fun for everybody all the time, but Merlin feels like he was definitely a drag. Can't we just have a plan? If you want ice cream, just put it on the dang calendar. Travel anxiety is discussed. Next up comes an extended meditation on **kitchen things**. Merlin cleans his pan with chain mail, ...
Jul 25, 2019•2 hr 37 min•Ep. 109
Merlin is not mentally-prepared, but John reminds him that preparedness is an illusion. Or is it? The boys try to remember quotes from _The Godfather_. Sally is a cool name. Your hosts discuss what happens when your friends have different taste in movies, and then you have to listen to them talk about it on a podcast. I mean, who doesn't like _Hot Fuzz_? John and Merlin recall the probematic films of their youth and enumerate several that their kids are specifically not encouraged to watch. John...
Jul 10, 2019•2 hr 39 min•Ep. 108
