Hanna:
Hey welcome to episode 57! Today I am answering a question from one of the women who follows me on Instagram. If you don’t already follow me there, it’s where I’m most active so you’re going to want to give @hannakokovai a follow if you like the show.
So the question she asked was What if I never reach my goal? And I’m going to tell you what I would do if I didn’t reach my goal but first I wanna say, your question isn’t really what do I DO if I don’t reach my goal…it’s what do I do about this thought that I have right now that I probably won’t.
You wouldn’t be asking what if I never reach my goal if you thought that you could. And that’s the real mind fuckery you’re engaging with your brain over right now.
This is the law of attraction people. Right, manifestation. It begins in the mind, you feel it in your body and aligns you with action directing you toward your result. If that first part is off the rest of the chain is broken. I don’t knwo if you hippies know this but the neuropsychology, the brain-based coaching work that I teach, the thought work, it’s manifestation. It is the science of the laws of attraction. Ok so those of you who are like ugh you’re already so cerebral and so literal in your explanations and the model is so structured and rigid and fucking sciency-y and you sound like a nutty professor. Damn right I’m a nutty profossor. Wasn’t he right in the end? I dunno but the model, thought work I teach is the way my brain best computes the mystery and lore and angel numbers and human design chart readings and spirit sprinkles and manifestation.
Sometimes I think if I changed my job title to Manifestation Mistress more of you would sign up for coaching. Coaching sounds like boring paperwork. But it is not ok this is law of attraction and when you’re letting yourself go running toward these ideas about never reaching your goals that is exactly where you’ll end up.
Ok so that’s first things first, yeah? Thinking about never reaching your goal = probably never reaching your goal. Or at least the likelihood of reaching it goes down, or being thrilled by it or having any sort of enjoyment on the way there goes down.
Next bit of magical trickery: Non-attachment. Shamaning your nervous system and your brain into the realm of purest truest belief and desire while simultaneously being complete and enough exactly as you are without having anything more.
I want this bad and if I don’t get it I’m still not only ok, but filled up by myself and my enoughness.
This is tough you guys I’m not going to lie. I still work on this part alot. BUT I will tell you where I have completely surrendered to non attachment in my life in a few specific areas, well, one of them I’ll tell you right now, is in romance. In love relationships.
I love love. I love it. Ok I am a sucker for love and I want LOVE to fill my cracks. Right. What movie is that from? Oh I know it’s not a movie it’s my show, New Girl. One of the characters says, “expose your cracks and love will fill them”. Haha. But that’s it right, like be yourself, be authentically you, show up and invite love in to all the parts of you. I’m there for that. I want some of that. AND I am not attached to that making me happy. Or making me whole. I can WANT love and to be in love and to have someone to love me hard and fall in love with eachother every day and I can simultaneously know that being in love or having a person doesn’t make me a complete and better and enough person. It’s a concept I’ve really worked on.
I can be fully committed and in love with someone and know with 100% certainty that I will be okay without it. More than okay. There will be joy and there will be bliss without it. If Michael left me right now I’d be okay. I don’t want him to, Id be heartbroken and sad for a while, but like I wouldn’t have any what I call expensive emotions muddling up my life like unworthiness or shame or dread right like all the stuff that comes from what we make not having the thing we want so much mean about us and our life.
Right its a concept that sounds totally wack to alot of people, women especially right? We’re like okay but why want anything if we’re just over here trying to convince ourselves we don’t need it. The reality is you don’t need it. If you can grasp true non attachment you will simply see that as true. And you will love the idea of it, the process of getting it, and the act of having it just the same. To want and desire something so badly and also know that you are enough without it can exist on the same plain. They are not mutually exclusive concepts.
Ok so know that if you want it that you will have it and that having it doesn’t complete you so you aren’t like creating suffering for yourself through attachment.
My clients have asked me before like how do you hold so much belief about these women and their goals who you’ve literally never met before, and who have a history of not changing things, and then they come in with goals and you’re like ok I bet you could 10 times that and here we go, we’re getting it done.
Like, How do you hold belief for people?
And the answer I always give is: By choosing to. That is the most basic boring answer ever. But it gets the most epic and crazy cool results. Because choosing on purpose to believe, to hold belief in your mind and in your body, it aligns you with the future. You just choose to have that belief. I choose to believe in what my clients want. What you want is an expression of the spirit of your life coming through you into creating a tangible thing that human beings understand and touch and know. I believe in the spirit of your life. Why would I not believe in that?
The alternative is to not hold belief, and that doesn’t sound fun or exciting…and it truly doesn’t sound right. Because here’s what: when people want something, they can have it. I have proof. Humans have been getting what they want forever. People who have redonkulous goals have reached them. And I find so much more truth in “it’s possible”, than “it’s impossible”.
I believe in proof being found in the future and going out to meet that future requires that you THINK and FEEL in a way that aligns with how that future thinks and feels.
Believing also makes me calmer about the process. Not believing makes me frantic and graspy and hustle-y and stressed and like work-a-holic-y. And that leads to taking 10 times longer or burning out. My brain wants dopamine hits out the ass. Right? Like doesn’t yours need some hits of dopamine to keep going? Aligning my thoughts with belief and knowing I’m gunna reach this goal. She’s gunna reach this goal. I don’t even know what it;s gunna look like or how yet but holy shit I’m stoked on this, that’s fun. That’s leading me to GET THERE or to GUIDE TO THERE in a way that lights me up. My brain gets to feel those excitement & reward chemicals firing off in the process. When you’re like “do I think this is gunna work out, probs not” you’re brains not gettin to party with the fun pills. It’s just sitting in a corner sulking.
So here’s what I want you to practice:
So, the question this women posed, originally is but what if I don't? And I want to give my answer to that also.
Like really, what if I have this goal and this timeframe and I don’t get it.
Then, you either make the timeframe longer, if it’s still something you really want. Which is called massive action. Massive action I teach my clients means no matter what. It’s not hustling or grinding it out or like doing really BIG individual actions like ignoring everything else in your life and JUST doing that. Sometimes it looks like that for a second but that is a recipe for burnout. Massive action is no matter what. No matter how long. No matter how many times the circumstances change. No matter how many people suggest something else. I keep touching base within myself and asking do I still want this and why? Ok, onward…until its done.
Like you don’t change the goal, you just move the goalpost. Ugh I hate sports analogies.
OR the other thing is what if you don’t reach your goal in the arbitrary timeframe you gave yourself, then you decide what you want it to mean about you. What do you make it mean? What does it mean about you that you set a goal to be making 6 figures by this year and you’re at 85k? Does it mean you will never get there? You should stop trying? You should just crawl under a rock and die? What does it MEAN?
Not accomplishing your goal YET is a CIRCUMSTANCE. A circumstance. It means nothing, until you decide that it does.
Your oppressive systems of colonialism hooey that make you value success in a very linear and hard up for attainment and mastery kinda way, do you know what I mean, have you performing at life instead of living it.
Phew that just came out quick but let this sink in. It is not your fault that you believe so strongly in the righteousness of success and climbing the ladder. It is not your fault that the highest valued things in the world are things that most people struggle and hustle their entire lives to attain and are STILL MISERABLE. These are purposefully oppressive belief systems that have been built like steel traps around us. And the only way to break free from that trap now is to become aware of where we ourselves are throwing away the key.
You defining yourself and your life by what you have and have not accomplished is throwing away the key.
You making your failures mean something incredibly hurtful about you, is throwing away the key.
You pushing to burnout and overvaluing discipline and hating on procrastination instead of throwing out a life line to your body and nervous system that’s been going haywire and pulling it back to you, holding it close…that is keeping you trapped.
Have a fire inside you, compete with yourself in a playful way, I’m not slamming on goals I freakin love goals. This is how we evolve and grow right to aspire to do things within the playground that is our world and do them our way, and with such zest for the experience of the journey damn I do love goals.
But You are enough right fucking now. And if you want something in your body for reasons you care about it will be yours. You just have to align the thoughts from that future with how you show up now, and you have to do it until it’s done. And if you decide to stop doing it before it’s done, you must know that you have achieved the most epic mastery every to be had: the ability to be human and love yourself through feeling this moment of what humans have so thoughtlessly labeled as something to be ashamed of.
I did another podcast about a similar concept where I talked about my goals of creating peace with my anxiety and releasing the unnecessary anxiety and panic I had lived with for a long time. Like that was my goal and I still work on it, and ill work on on and off it til I die probably, and there’s nothing wrong with that. And I even talked about my partner Michael and his mental health struggles and how I get to hold belief that he will figure it out and reach his goals of feeling better and also not be attached to him doing that in any certain amount of time and loving him exactly as he is now. And if we are on our death bed together and he still has bouts of anxiety or depression I get to choose whether I want to be like, “you totally failed at your goals and never reached them” or choose to see how worthy and complete he is as a human who sometimes feels anxious and depressed. That his goal of feeling at total peace in his mind might be waiting for him somewhere beyond this human life. I choose the latter every time, because that just feels more awesome for me!
If you never reach your goals I love you so much. I hope you will too.
Ok before you go, I want you to hear from one of my clients who recently renewed her Coaching package and we’re working together for another 3 months but she was kind enough to let me record some of her thoughts about Coaching that I want to share with you today that I think might apply to today’s topic a bit and hopefully give those of you who’ve been considering whether coaching (or, what am I calling it, playing with a manifestation mistress) is something you’re ready for now. So here’s a few snippets from my conversation with my client Hannah:
*Client Testimonial from Hannah
So Hannah and I talked for about 20 minutes about her transformations with Coaching so maybe I’ll share some more clips from that in the coming shows. I do have a few other clients you’re going to hear from in the next few weeks so stay tuned for more from my totally awesome clients.
Quick reminder to sign up for the 7 days of play challenge. The challenge is ON this week. You can still join anytime before the end of August and get access to all the bomb materials and I’m even thinking, thanks to my sister in law Megan who came up with the most brilliant slogan EVER for the challenge, I’m thinking of getting some merch made for anyone who wants it. Ugh I am like seriously buzzing for this challenge you girls don’t even know how much you need to be a part of this. So come PLAY WITH YOURSELF with me the challenge right now is $25 to join holy shit it is valued at over a thousand dollars but just $25 gets you in this month. Maybe I’ll run it again but lets be honst I’ll probably be on to the next thing by then so I would highly recommend getting in on it now or just coming to private coaching with me where you get lifetime access to EVERY SINGLE challenge, workbook, video content recording, teaching tool everything I’ve ever made is in a giant vault inside the client portal and you get lifetime access to that included with your coaching so do that. If you’re not ready for coaching with me yet thats cool but come to the challenge. Ok I’ll see you there.