Hanna:
Hey you dirty minded humans! Welcome to episode number 4. Woop woop.
My brain is giving me all kinda dirty thoughts today about why I shouldn’t even do this shit. Like, no one is listening anyways. My voice sounds weird. The recording software I downloaded isn’t working properly. The internet went out at the most inconvenient time. There is so much background noise in my house right now. I don’t have big enough following for a podcast.
I literally had to coach myself for 45 minutes just to get on the mic today so I am actually going to talk about what happens when we think that the cards are stacked against us. Or, this idea that the world is against us. Because I do this all the time. And I’m curious if any of you do too. So this is a little coaching session for myself today. This is NOT a client issue that I’m drawing from, it’s just me, sitting here thinking about quitting because the odds are against me anyway. And this is not what I had originally planned and I’m so excited to jam on this because phew this is so real for me right now.
So I’m 4 episodes into recording and I’ve got this thought on repeat of the world is against me. And I started asking myself what that even means? What do I think that that means? And if you’ve ever thought this, when you’re up to something new or you’re quote, trying, to do a project or get a job or get back on the dating scene or anything else you want to do but you’re frustrated or stopping or procrastinating or overthinking because you think the world is against you.
Here’s what I think the world is against me means. Nothing is working. The world is rigged for people like me not to succeed. People won’t like me. People will bash me, or not listen or think coaching is stupid.
My brain just comes up with a lot of potential examples of things that look, to it, like the world being against me. Like my brain is so good at this, gathering evidence that I’m right that the world is against me and it convinces me of these things like somehow people can block my success or happiness with their thoughts, or their words. And of course I had to ask myself, is that even true? Right we always want to challenge our thoughts and ask is this even true? Can people block my success with their thoughts? Can they block my evolution with their words? Is the way I’m seeing the world, as against my success, real?
Absolutely fucking not is the answer. And I know that isn’t possible because I know that what people think only affects them and their experience. If someone says I hate your podcast, you sound like a goofball, they feel hate. They feel disinterested. Not me. I only feel hate if I think something hateful. If someone thinks “Wow there are so many better podcasts than this one” they might feel compelled to go listen to a different one, but that literally has no effect on me and whether I keep going or not. Right so first things first, other people or “the world” cannot block your evolution or endeavors or success unless you think they can.
Here’s the long and short of it:
The idea that the world is against us only turns us against us. Believing that it’s true that the world is out to get us only sabotages our own progress and our own success.
I”ll show you exactly how it happened with me today.
I was about to record this episode. Some thoughts came up.
I thought, the world is against me on this.
I felt defeated.
Because of that I decided I didn’t want to record the episode and I blamed people, the world of podcast listeners, who by the way haven’t even heard me yet.
And where am I now? Against me. Against my vision of putting this coaching into the world. Against the evolution of my coaching. Against my business. Against my clients. AND against the world.
It’s not the world that is against me. It’s me against me, and against the world.
So I started coaching myself on this and got to this point and I got right in bed with my brain because it said to me yeah ok but some people really DONT like you. Some people really don’t want you to succeed. Some things are really hard just because of how the world is. And I thought well yeah, its true, people are against me and so Why does it even matter what I think?
I can’t change them. I can’t change the world.
And then the universe, as it does, sent me a little nudge in a better direction. It sent me an instagram Reel.
I don’t know if you guys do Reels on Instagram. Do you know what Reels are? It’s like the short videos with music that are blowing up on Instagram, basically like a TikTok video which I didn’t even know about until quite recently but I just started making reels! Ugh it’s so scary. And me making Reels basically means I mostly just wear my pjs and watch other people in cute outfits do them until I work my brain up to putting on an outfit over my PJs and hitting record. Haha
I’m getting coaching on this.
But this morning I was feeling defeated by my thoughts about recording this podcast and so I started in on my Instagram because that’s also what I do to avoid feeling shitty…that’s a whole other podcast episode…but I will admit, this time it did actually lead me to something extremely worthwhile. Because luckily I have curated my instagram to include a lot of great content and other coaches and public figures and friends that I respect their insightful posts and musing. And so I saw this reel from Tom Bilyeu or maybe it was Lisa Bilyeu. Their content is pretty fire in my option either way but it was a video clip talking about Kobe Briant’s quote Boos don’t block dunks. And I’d never actually even heard this before, and I literally don’t follow sports of any kind, but instantly I was like what does this mean, it sounds profound af, even though I am not into sports tell me more. So what they were talking about was basically this idea that Braint had that it doesn’t matter if everyone in the stadium is booing when I go to dunk a basketball, the boos don’t block dunks. Haters, in quotations, haters hating don’t make Kobe Briant lose basketball games.
He doesn’t even have to change them to dunk a basketball. They can be there, booing, and he can still dunk.
Of course I was like ok how does this relate to my life…I do that with everything I hear right like what is this here to show ME? I don’t play basketball nor do I even watch basketball but this is here to show me something about my life…and it is that the world, or in my case, the world of podcast listeners doesn’t block my podcast from being made and put out into the world. Only I have the power to do that. And I don’t even have to try to change the people that don’t like me or won’t listen. Because they aren’t my people, and trying to make them my people is a waste of my energy, where my energy could be put towards..guess what..actually making a podcast for people who want to listen to it!
And Kobe Braint actually does have to contend with the offensive players right, trying to physically block his dunks. And he still goes for it. And there are tons of people yelling obscenities from the stands, and he still goes for it. And sometimes he misses. But he’s not like I can’t play the game of basketball anymore unless you remove all these screaming fans and all these other opponents. Right? Like I get that its a game and its made fun and exciting by the fact that teams are playing against one another, but where did we get the idea that life wasn’t supposed to have obstacles or opposition?
In my arena, in the Coaching and Podcasting arena, I surely also have offensive players. Right? People saying mean shit. Trolls. The internet going out. Algorithms that I don’t yet understand. The dog barking in the background. But those things cannot stop me from playing full out. They could if I let them. But literally when I think the world is against me that feels like a big ass heavy load when in reality, there are just some things that I have to work around. Dribble around. Run faster than. And go up for the dunk.
Now Imagine if boos did block dunks. Imagine if what other people said and thought of you had literal power over you. Like no professional athlete would ever dunk a ball or score a goal or hit a home run because do you know how many people are like BOOO no you suck I hate you. So I know this is true that boos don’t block dunks.
This is why thought work matters you guys. Some people are still in the camp of thought work or personal development or coaching doesn’t work when the world is actually against you. When things are ACTUALLY messed up, it doesn’t matter what you think, it doesn’t change facts. If your internet goes out at the worst moment, you can’t just think the internet back on.
I hear that. And while changing the circumstances is NOT what thought work and coaching aims to do I’m actually going to argue that sometimes it DOES change the facts. For a lot of people. Doing coaching work literally changes the facts as you see them.
Hashtag bold statement.
But if you’ve worked with me in any capacity, especially recently, you’ll know what I mean when I say that your thoughts are not facts and the “way the world is” is not always as much fact as we think it is. And that’s why I always say challenge your thoughts.
Like the example of the internet cutting out at the worst possible moment. I’m not saying that my internet cutting out is not real. It is. But my internet cutting out “at the worst time” is not a fact. My thought about the internet cutting out is that it's the worst timing. But that’s not real, that’s just my thought. And not doing the awareness work to recognize how to separate thoughts and facts is dangerous. This is where we give over our power to the world’s circumstances. When we take a circumstance like the internet going out and make it mean that it’s the worst timing, that something is against us and we can’t possibly finish our project, that blocks our power. That is what I meant when I said that we turn against us. It's nothing to do with the internet. It’s everything to do with how we think about it. And it's a choice. Right?
So Why does thought work matter? Why does Coaching matter for that matter?
It matters because thought work at its core teaches us to be powerful even if it was true that the world is against us.
Right like thought work shows us that it’s not true that the world is rigged against us, that we have a choice in believing that way or not, in seeing things that way, so we can start believing that it’s not always hard just because the internet went out or someone doesn’t like what we have to say…AND at the same time it teaches us that even if it was, even it the world was against us, we are still in control of our own thoughts which ultimately create our life. We still have the choice to keep going, to find another way, to have our own back, to succeed.
And one step further—we have the power to change the world.
And that’s not some like hippie dip pie sentiment about like peace and love will change the world no. When we master our thoughts it literally shifts the paradigms of oppression. It shuts off the BOOs that did exist. It puts the power in your own hands by taking away the power of the BOOs. You can do that with nothing but your thinking.
Mind training, thought awareness is, in my opinion, the MOST important thing we can ever learn. Because just like a professional athlete has a trainer or a coach that can watch them and asses their skills and tell them what they see from a trained, outsiders perspective. “You’re dropping your back hand, keep your frame strong, I can see that you’re not extending your legs fully there.” A coach can help you understand and analyze what you’re doing in your cognitive, emotional and behavioral life. And if they’re really helpful, they can share the tools to start BEING the trained observer, to step into an objective vantage point where you can spot what’s working and what could use some cleaning up. But having a coach is as important for an extraordinary life as it is for an extraordinary basketball career.
So where did I go from there?
Well, I thought, if the thought the world is against me just turns me against myself and the world…what would the thought the world is in my corner do?! It would put me in my corner. And it would put me in a place of gratitude, seeking all the proof I need that the odds are in my favor. That the world makes it easy. That everything I need for success and happiness is actually available within the context of how the world is right now.
I just CHANGED the world with nothing but my thoughts. I changed the world from being a place that was out to get me to a place that has my back, and is safe to by myself and do my thing.
And that my friends, is how thought work works, and why it matters.
Change your thoughts, change the world. Change YOUR world.
I loved working through this today and I promise to keep sharing the work I’m doing on my own dirty thoughts to help you change yours.
Some people are confused about what a life coach is and who they are for and I think that the best thing that you can do to find out what a coach does is to go and work with one.
Many coaches offer a free consultation for first time clients…including me! Go check out my website hannakokovai.com. On the home page you’ll find a booking option to book into a free call. Do that.
Life coaches really are for everyone. I was listening to another podcast recently I think it was Stacey Boehman talking about how before she became who she is today…she’s a multi million dollar business coach if you don’t know her…like before she even knew what coaching was, she thought that coaches were for people like Oprah. Like only celebrities and professional athletes and CEOs of Fortune 500 companies had coaches. But she was like one day I realized regular people have and need coaches. Like your friend and your spin instructor and your realtor and your neighbor and the guy that you always see jogging and your coach, they have coaches.
I believe everyone should have a coach. At the Health Coach Institute, one of the schools where I studied, we used to say that soon, not having a Coach would be as strange to people as smoking on an airplane. Meaning, it’s something that still, even though it is WAY more common than when I first started delving into this industry, still seems indulgent or not prioritized as a common personal investment in self care to many people…but in the coming years it will be like “what the fuck were we all thinking?”
So what a life coach is is a professional at helping you to get perspective on your life and mind in such a way that will allow you to change your life and your mind however you want so you can achieve impossible goals.
The cool thing about the coaching that I do is that I am trained to coach people on any goal. So while I definitely attract lots of people into my practice who struggle with emotional health, I have the tools to coach people to ANY outcome. Money, love after heartbreak, more time, more clients in their business, weightloss, I even coached someone once on becoming a scuba instructor—his name was not Claude and he was not french, but he did live in St Barts which was awesome. Reuben are you do scuba? Haha but Coaches are trained in the art of habit change, thought work and neuropsychology, so it doesn’t matter that we’ve never scubaed before or we don’t have the same type of relationship as you or the same mother in law or the same job…we are masters of human emotion. We have all felt sad or desperate or unloved or confused. And that is the human connection. That is what we recognize in one another. And that relationship between us as humans is more than enough to know that suffering is suffering. Struggle is struggle.
And you add to that the strategic tools and structure of a protocol for life up-leveling, and I don’t know why anyone wouldn’t want to work with a Coach.
If you want to learn more about my work, visit hannakokovai.com
If you don’t have a coach, I’d be so down to be yours. Go to my website and apply to work with me OR schedule a free consult to find out if you’re ready to talk dirty with me.
The world is in your corner. See you next time!