Hanna:
Hey everyone, welcome to episode 47. We’re going to explore a dirty ass thoughts that I’m just frankly sick of. And my goal today is to make you really think and rethink by presenting some maybe not so popular ideas about Motivation. I am committed to popularizing some new thoughts about motivation for the sake of allllll the women who continue to be stumped by lack of motivation. All ya’ll, it’s not your fault, right we are trained like even by really well-intentioned people that motivation is key. My sports coaches in school would talk about motivation et nauseum...and we won a lot of games and improved our stats supposedly with motivation.
And now here we are, in adulthood, and we are all like well without motivation I can’t do it.
I was talking with someone the other day who said that she wasn’t motivated to do things for herself. She’s not motivated to work out or get practice and sort of self care and she kept saying like if I just had some motivation I would be so much more likely to take care of myself. And I just kept listening and thinking, like what do we think motivation is? Alot of us are conditioned to think it’s a possession, something we get to either have or not. Like we “find it” somewhere one day like by accident or by chance. And when we haven't found it yet we’re like ho-hum, I don’t possess motivation. I honestly kept almost blurting out, SO? So you don’t have motivation, so what? That’s my coachy mind right when someone offers me a thought and I’m like ok.
But I didn’t say that because in the moment it seemed kind of rude haha, I was like well, she sounds pretty solid on that no motivation thing being the problem for her so like what am I gunna say? I’m gunna ask her why she needs motivation and she’s gunna be like umm, because without it I just do nothing. Like I just said.
My mentor Brooke said one time that we all have dream excuses. Like you have your dream goal, dream man, dream car, your dream vacation right? We also have our dream excuse. And frankly I think alot of our dream excuse is “I’m not motivated”. What a dream to sit in that. What do you even say as a retort to your brain when it offers you that? You’re like, umm, yes, you are correct. Absolutely right, not motivated. I am not motivated.
So like we could just say well the solution here is to think a motivating thought. Right? Thinking I'm not motivated creates a lack of motivation and results in not doing the thing and decreasing motivation even further and identifying as a person who can’t get shit done, it’s horrible and awful and we should just change our thoughts to something like “Im working on being motivated” or “I can do it!” right? Yeah you could try that. You could generate a feeling of motivation if you want to. But I’m also here to be a thought leader and get the work of your life for you which includes busting open some beliefs in new ways. And to make this work even easier for you…like, if you could easily change your thoughts to feel motivation you’d have done it by now right? So it’s likely there’s alot of pent up frustration around this ides of motivation and throwing some limp ass half mast looking thought trys at is is not going to turn you on. It’s gunna feel gross. Because remember, intentional thoughts don’t work if your brain doesn’t believe them so thinking new thoughts about motivation might seem like a real buzz kill. So I’ve got a different approach. Let’s bag motivation.
Because guess what I realized through years of watching women achieve amazing things in their lives and studying how athletes, business entrepreneurs, writers, celebrities, people of all kinds get their goals done: there is no “most motivated” award in goal setting. Or goal-getting. You can stop coveting motivation so strongly because no one wins a most motivated prize. There is not even a requirement for it, ever. You are just using this dream excuse, because no one has ever argued with it before.
If you’re waiting on a miracle discovery of motivation, or worse, if you’re berating yourself for not feeling motivated, if you’re getting mad at yourself because you’re not motivated please consider this: motivation is absolutely not necessary to take action or to get what you want done done.
I’m just not motivated is an unimaginative thought and you are smarter than that. Lack of motivation is an excuse that requires no conscious thought to come up with. It’s like the factory setting default thought that requires no deeper thinking or consideration. So using lack of motivation as an excuse as the reason we can’t get shit done is uninspired, uninventive and valinna as fuck. Boring.
It’s like buying an Iphone and never accepting the updates. Yeah it’s annoying sometimes to update I get that, but when you do and all of a sudden you have all these new features, not to mention a whole new set of cool emojis to choose from like the orangutan or the pink and blue roller skate, or the toilet bowl plunger or that cute little otter. Like, why would I just keep the factory setting. That’s boring. It’s slow. It’s unimaginative and it’s not getting us anywhere cooler.
Ok so listen to me: you are a visionary genius. In that iphone update example, you are the brilliant mind that came up with the cute little otter emoji that makes people swoon. Do not stifle your ingenuity and use “lack of motivation” as a cop out. If you have a desire, ANY desire, to do something, you are more imaginative than that. You are more creative than relying on motivation to get it.
Ok so here’s my thought inviting questions for you:
What if you couldn’t use motivation to get your goals done? What if it wasn’t even an option? What would you do?
I think you’d probably have to start relying on some other feelings to get you there.
What feeling—because motivation is a feeling, it’s not a thing you carry around in your purse—what feeling would you use instead?
I made a short list right before recording this of feelings other than boring ass motivation that I’ve used to fuel action and successes in my life.
Determination.
Excitement.
Curiosity.
Cleverness.
Clarity.
Eagerness.
Tantalized or turned on.
And Feminamity, which is a new emotion I recently read about and totally resonate with. Feminamity. The definition of which is “the warm glow you get when another woman hypes you up”. I thought that was soo cool and I thought about what makes me feel that way and it’s when I THINK “It’s freaking awesome she said that about me” or “it feels so good to hear that”..right like one of my goals for this year is to create 80 podcast episodes for you and let’s just notice that if I was defaulting to “I’m just not motivated” I wouldn’t have created squat. And I have lots of thoughts that produce results for me but I create a feeling of feminamity when someone shares the podcast on their social platform or sends a friend to listen to it or shoots me a text that says holy shit that episode was bonkers…and I think to myself “wow I love hearing that” and that feeling of feminamity drives me to create more value for people who love hearing about this stuff and I get to love the process of creating it.
Right so anyways, all of that to say, there is SO MUCH MORE available to you by way of emotion, that is going to generate action-taking. How we feel causes us to act yeah? So what are the feelings you wanna use to get you to your goals. Think about that with your visionary mind.
And I’ll tell you why you’ve been blocking yourself from seeing this solution. It’s because there’s a set of beliefs you are harboring about motivation that are creating a lack of ANY OTHER feeling that might get you to your goals.
Some really common beliefs about motivation:
I have to find it.
I need to have more of it.
I can’t do this without it.
Other people’s success is created through lots of it.
Those beliefs create an obsession with motivation and easily discard all other potentially helpful emotions.
We need some new beliefs. Some new B’s. That’s what I call my beliefs, b’s. Like, okay where my B’s at? I need to call on my B’s. Haha this is fun right? You guys, thought work is fun.
Let me tell you about Big B’s and Baby b’s.
Big B= Big Belief.
Big b is: what do I need to believe in general.
Little b is: what do I need to believe today, right now?
So Big B might sound like:
Motivation isn't the only way to get into action.
I’m more creative than relying on ONE single emotion to get what I want.
I’m open to the process to get my goals done being something totally new.
If I couldn’t do this, I wouldn’t even want it. If I want something I can do it. That’s a good one to get in the habit of.
Or if you’re into being as totally alternative as possible liek me: Fuck Motivation, no one needs that outdated boring ass shit.
Ok so Big B, what do I need to believe in general, that’s going to help me to release this attachment to motivation being the only way?
Little B’s are going to be what you turn to in the moment where you’re consciously calling on the emotions that you know might help you take action and get your results.
So let’s say your goal is to go to yoga class 3 days a week and improve your flexibility on Monday at 8:00 am when your alarm goes off you might need to call in the little B’s.
“I’m exploring what could happen if I decided to follow through for the first time.”
There’s curiosity there. From curiosity you’d go and find out, yeah? Find out what might happen if you followed through for the first time.
Or maybe the little b is: “Doing this hard thing is going to feel amazing”. You feel excited and you go to class and feel amazing.
The little be could be: “I’m the master of my thoughts!” That creates confidence for me and from confidence about being masterful at thought work I usually come up with some really cool, potentially motivating shit to say to myself to get my ass up and going. I’m the master of my thoughts leads to confidence which leads to me acting in a way that is totally in control of my mind and body and what I choose to do that day which is to follow through.
“You know what sounds cooler than staying in bed right now? Doing handstand splits effortlessly one day. That will be awesome.” thats maybe tantilized or thrilled or coaxed. I like thrilling myself with thoughts like that.
Little b could also be, “I said I would.” or “ I get to work on self trust in this moment now.” The feeling there might be like determination or eagerness right like I am super eager to feel what it feels like to truly believe that I 100% trust myself so if this is an opportunity to grow that then I’m in. I am here for that.
Ok so let’s just appreciate for a moment how much potential energy we just created talking about nothing to do with motivation. No need for it. How about that? Turns out your brains just up to her old tricks again.
Because listen the name we give to the three things that your brain wants for you. Is the MOTIVATIONAL TRIAD. Your brain is motivated by three things and three things only. Seek pleasure. Avoid pain. And be efficient. The most efficient thing you can do is nothing. To your brain. Your brain already has motivation on lock. It uses it effectively as fuck for those three things. Let’s branch out when it comes to evolving beyond staying safely and comfortably stuck where we are. What’s the new tool, the new feeling, you’re going to wield to get you to your best life?
I can’t wait to see how you do it.
Come to coaching with me and we will take what you learn on the show and apply it to your life. I am excited to start working with more and more Helpers and Healers this month, some of you have already signed up and I’m so excited. We still have a few days left where you can get $200 off your Coaching Program with me if you work in a helping field. So that means nurses, caretakers, teachers, delivery drivers, uber drivers, psychologists, coaches, moms, if you have an inclining that your lot in life is helping people in some way and you do that alot…apply for this discount now. Go to my website hannakokovai.com/helpers to learn more. I am so excited to work with the woman who are having a hard time being there for themselves even though they seem to have all the time and energy to be there for everyone else. If you’re an entrepreneur and you’re giving all of yourself to your business and you want some support in coming back to yourself, while getting bigger faster results in your business, I dont care what your business is, come apply. If you have people on your table or in your chair or at your desk and you are counseling them, listening, talking them through shit, hearing their woes and you find yourself thinking that you have some of the same problems and concerns and emotional baggages as they do, great. You are human. You deserve to be human and be held and heard and coached. I have a Coach, actually coaches, so I don’t have to BE a coach 24/7. I dont want to rely on my friends and family to be the professional standard of support and safety and guidance that I deserve in my life too. If you’ve been thinking about coaching, now is a great time to get started. I hate when I find out about something awesome only AFTER it’s happened and even worse if my friends knew about it and didn’t tell me, I’m pissed. So if you have friends or family or co workers that you love and who would love this work or are looking for Coaching, tell them about this offer. Share this with them. The more healed & healing women we have in this crazy ass world, the better. If you are a helper or a healer, I’m here for you. Go to my website hannakokovai.com/helpers or reach out and we will get to the work of your life for you and for all the lives present and future that you’ll touch.
Love you and see you next time!